‘The Year I Was Canceled’—Jen Hatmaker Reflects on How Her Relationships Have Changed Since 2016

“It is challenging to talk about this. Not because I still feel hurt or abandoned, because I really don’t,” Hatmaker said. “But maybe because I battle an internal message that says if a relationship has drifted or changed, I did something wrong. Or didn’t do something right. Or could have done something more. And to be sure, in some cases, that may be true.”

There are, however, other factors that impact relationships as time goes by. These factors include growth, proximity, and aging, Hatmaker explained. She has observed that in the case of other women she knows, “most of us do not have the exact same roster as 2016.” Friends can change when people leave a church, their marriages, or who they were in the past. 

“Tons of us in midlife are less silent and compliant than we used to be, and that is often an unwelcome development,” Hatmaker said.

“Also, our basic capacity changed,” she observed. “I used to successfully manage 25 close friends, and I am not joking.”

“I’m not dismissing rupture that should have warranted repair, or a scenario in which we were sincerely harmed (or harmed someone else),” said Hatmaker. “That is a different conversation. I am really addressing relationships that simply ran their course, some with a gentle undramatic off-ramp, and others that were not sustainable through change.” 

She also acknowledged people in her life who have remained close to her through the years and offered her readers some questions for self-reflection. 

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“What has relational evolution looked like for you, darlings?” she asked as she concluded. “Sometimes the right thing is still a hard thing, and natural endings can still be kind of sad.”