In her upcoming memoir, progressive Christian influencer Jen Hatmaker opens up about life after divorce as well as her move away from the “indoctrination” and rules of organized religion. “Awake,” which releases on Sept. 23, is “deeply personal,” she said, yet “not unique to me.”
Hatmaker, a bestselling author and former church leader, fell from grace in evangelical circles after supporting same-sex marriage and LGBTQ+ rights. She also supports abortion rights and anti-racism efforts, while opposing President Donald Trump.
In 2020, Hatmaker’s 26-year marriage ended after her husband was unfaithful. Her new book addresses the shock of seeing her marriage go “down in flames.” Hatmaker is also frank about departing the church, learning more about faith, and embracing “a better version of me.”
Jen Hatmaker on the Trauma of Divorce
During the publicity tour for “Awake,” Jen Hatmaker stated that divorce itself isn’t interesting because it’s so common. The 51-year-old mother of five, whose family was featured in a reality show on HGTV in 2014, said that after dealing with the trauma of a broken household, she examined “all the bricks that built that house—patriarchy, religious subculture, body shame, gender limitations, purity culture, misogyny” and realized “maybe it just wasn’t such a shock that that house came down.”
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What precipitated the collapse was Hatmaker waking at 2:30 a.m. to hear husband Brandon, a pastor, sending a voice memo to another woman. “There was a lot of alcohol involved,” she told The New York Times. Brandon moved out the next day, and the Hatmakers’ divorce was finalized three months later.
In her memoir, Hatmaker explores her own “complicity…patterns…failures,” including her codependence. Looking back, she realized her marriage was “in the weeds” before its dramatic implosion. Although she’s “still mad” at her ex, Hatmaker said, “We were both a part of several systems that were corrosive and made it really difficult to be honest and to seek help.”
When news of the divorce leaked, Hatmaker took most of the blame in the press. “It was all my fault, according to the internet,” she told Time. “But in my world, I felt almost entirely loved and supported.”
Hatmaker added, “I think I’ll always feel a lot of grief,” because she “just really wanted my marriage to work.” But she also feels compassion, saying that she and Brandon have “a lot of pavement in front of us. We’ve got nothing but graduations and weddings and babies for the next 40 years. It doesn’t serve my family long-term for us to be in a constantly contentious space.”
