American Idol winner, actress and author Fantasia Barrino-Taylor has stirred up controversy for saying that women need to let men lead in their families. Following comments she made on the radio show, The Breakfast Club, the singer and her husband, Kendall Taylor, posted a video on Instagram where they shared their views on what godly leadership looks like and what submission is and is not.
“We need more men to stand up and lead the way,” said Fantasia on The Breakfast Club earlier this week [warning: this video contains language some may find offensive]. “Most women are trying to be the leader. That’s why you can’t find a man. You can’t be the king in the house. Fall back and be the queen and let your man lead the way.”
Fantasia Barrino-Taylor on Leadership in the Family
Toward the beginning of the show, Fantasia asked host DJ Envy to explain the key to his long marriage. When she asked if he and his wife ever pray together, he said he prays with his wife every morning before leaving the house. To that, Fantasia responded, “That’s what’s up. I respect that,” saying that society needs more men to step up and lead their families in a similar way.
Fantasia said she believes that modern culture has focused so much on women being strong and providing for their families that when a man comes along who wants to be a good leader, a woman will resist letting him lead. The singer acknowledged that women often cannot help having to be the main providers for their families, but her point was that it’s important for men to lead well and for women to accept that leadership if the men have integrity. She had to go through that situation herself when she met her husband because she was providing for everyone in her family at the time.
Show host Angela Yee asked, “Can we be equal?” to which Fantasia responded, “Oh, of course!” The singer used the metaphor of the woman being the neck in the relationship and the man being the head, saying, “It all works together, but you can’t be the head of the house. You’ve got to let the man be the head of the house.”
— Flow 🏁 (@ITSDJFLOW) September 16, 2019
Kendall Shares His Thoughts
After Fantasia’s comments stirred up debate online, the singer and her husband recorded a video sharing more of their views on leadership and submission in marriage. Fantasia said her husband had shared some thoughts on the topic with her that were “so dope,” and she also wanted to offer people a male perspective.
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“So here’s the issue,” Taylor said. “Submission is supposed to be a beautiful song and dance between two lovers. What’s happened is, men have abused that power. Forgive me, they’ve abused that gift, and we have been misled to think that it’s something where it’s a dominant spirit and we own every decision, we dictate everything, we rule with an iron fist. First of all, that’s not love.”
Taylor said that in his marriage, he submits daily “to the most High.” He reads the scriptures and works on his character so that he can come to his wife “from a pure position.” Because this is his focus, it’s easier for his wife to follow his leading. “Submission is a gift,” he said. “When she sees me laying at the foot of the Father, she has no reason to withhold that from me.”
But that doesn’t mean he makes every decision. Said Taylor, “We talk and we build, and I consider everything that’s on her heart,” taking her perspective into account. Taylor added that the moment he steps out of righteousness, he believes his wife has every right to intervene. The problem, he said, is that men are not handling their leadership with integrity. They are not modeling humility or forgiveness and are ignorant about important family matters, such as finances and the educational systems impacting their kids.
He argued that a man should be knowledgeable about these areas family life so that when his wife comes to him with a concern, he is already prepared to take care of it. At the same time, Taylor said he wants Fantasia to be strong enough to provide for herself and lead the family if he’s gone, noting, “She can’t do that if I’m controlling everything.”
The couple ended the video by observing they’re not perfect and are not trying to be. Rather, they are growing and hope that by sharing their experience, they will help others who are also pursuing growth.