It was 10 years ago that TerKeurst discovered evidence of her ex-husband’s infidelity, evidence that caused her “great concern.” Her ex-husband, however, denied the implications of what she had found, “and he had just about convinced me that I was the crazy one,” she said.
Over the following year, TerKeurst would find more signs that her husband was being unfaithful but feel “so guilty as a Christian wife” for looking for such evidence. She was “terrified” to tell anyone of her suspicions because he was “very well-respected.”
“So I just worried that I was really going crazy,” she said. “It’s a strange process if you’ve ever been in it. The process is called ‘gaslighting.’ But I didn’t know that term.”
“Then in 2016,” said TerKeurst, “I found undeniable proof that he was having an affair. And I was shocked. I was terrified. I didn’t know how to get help, who to turn to, what to do.”
TerKeurst had always said that if she caught her husband cheating, she would leave the him. “But when you’re knee-deep in it,” she said, “there’s so many factors that happen.” She was leading a ministry and she had five children, not to mention that she loved him and had made a vow committing herself to him.
“I hung in there for a long time,” said TerKeurst. “I think there were noble reasons that I stayed for a long time, and there were also very unhealthy reasons that I stayed for a very long time. And I think it’s important that I’m honest about that.”
After a repeating pattern of her ex-husband cheating and apologizing and TerKeurst taking him back, “I just finally told the Lord,” said TerKeurst, “‘I’m going to stop trying to be his savior and I’m going to be an observer.’ And so I released him into the hands of the Lord.” Instead of trying to influence her ex-husband, she simply observed where his heart was.
“And at the end of that year, I had the clarity that I needed,” she said. “It was not the clarity that I wanted, but it was the clarity I needed. And before I could even file for divorce, he was already with someone.”
“It wasn’t that I walked away from marriage,” TerKeurst said. “It was that I had to accept a very painful reality.”
“If you’re in that situation, I do want to encourage you that you can survive this season, even on those days that you think you cannot survive the season,” TerKeurst told those gathered. “And I have no idea still why my life took this turn…it still catches me off guard sometimes that my life took the turn that it did. However, I’m at the place now where I’ve healed so much.”
Lysa TerKeurst Is Committed to Serving Christian Women Facing Divorce
Even though her experiences were extremely painful, Lysa TerKeurst continues publicly sharing her story in order to help other women in similar situations.
