Grammy Award-winning artist TobyMac opened up with Levi and Jennie Lusko about loss and grieving during a recent episode of “Hey! It’s The Luskos.”
The DC Talk alum spoke about the grief he has experienced following the tragic death of his 21-year-old son Truett in 2019, his sister in 2020, and his best friend and Diverse City band member Gabe Patillo in 2024.
TobyMac reflected on how difficult Patillo’s death has been on him. “I went to call him yesterday, like I just had a quick question, I just accidentally hit Gabe Patillo. I feel like I’m missing a limb, truly,” TobyMac said.
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“I don’t think you learn to process these things,” he told the Luskos. “I don’t think you learn, but you do recognize—for some reason I’ve been able to recognize the goodness of God in my most recent losses, I think, because I journeyed that path.”
“It doesn’t mean I was okay. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t wiped out,” TobyMac continued. “But somehow or another God has shown me something where he can be good and you can lose people—and I believe that.”
TobyMac explained that it took him a “long time” to get to that place and said that he feels like he has been “compressed” in the same way audio files are compressed in the final mastering process in order for the sound of a song to remain consistent in both the high and low ranges.
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“I feel like I’ve been a little compressed. I don’t know if I’ll ever go as low as I was when I lost Truett, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be as high as I’ve been in my past,” TobyMac said.
“I’m sorry. I know that’s not pretty,” TobyMac said. “That’s not God language but that’s real. That’s how I feel. I feel like I’ve just been compressed a little.”
“It doesn’t mean my faith is lacking,” he added. “It just means I don’t know if I’ll ever be as happy as I once was, and I don’t know if I’ll ever go to the basement I’ve been to.”
