In recent interviews, Hatmaker also takes “purity culture” to task. The True Love Waits abstinence-only curriculum was “baked in with fear and shame,” she said, with no meaningful content regarding “sex, consent, or attachment, or commitment.”
Hatmaker continued:
A whole generation of us came into marriage absolutely freaked out around sex. We had no idea what the hell we were doing, or what we were supposed to be doing once we could finally have it. There was this narrative, particularly for women, which was, ‘Don’t be slutty and have sex before marriage, but the day you get married, girl, you better turn into a vixen in that bedroom and give it up any old time’…What could go wrong?
As a result, Hatmaker’s generation is “having to relearn a lot of sexuality here in the middle of life,” she said. “I’m in much better control of my own self-awareness in every possible way, including a sexual ethic.”
Hatmaker, who gave up on dating apps after “exactly 12 hours,” has been in a long-term relationship with fellow author Tyler Merritt. As an adult, “It is interesting…to examine the systems, the rules, the limitations that I was handed as an 18-year-old and go, ‘All right, where are we at now?’” she said. “It’s an interesting time to have a sexual renaissance.” Hatmaker has promoted sexual-wellness products, including “libido gummies.”
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After decades of dependence, Hatmaker also has learned to handle her own finances. “I was a teenage child bride and had never spent one minute of adulthood in independence,” she said. “I had handed over all financial labor to my ex-husband. I didn’t know what our bank accounts were.”
Asked about her critics, specifically Allie Beth Stuckey, Hatmaker said she doesn’t listen to them or care about what they say. She’s also not interested in “competing for the spotlight,” she said, though she feels responsibility toward her online community. “I have this real sense that I’m a steward over these women who have opted in,” she said of her fans and followers.
