(RNS) — Growing up as a child of a Focus on the Family executive in the 1990s, Amber Cantorna-Wylde belonged to a seemingly idyllic family at the epicenter of American evangelicalism.
Her household was infused with the teachings of Focus on the Family founder James Dobson, who endorsed strong marriages, clear family hierarchy and strict discipline for children as antidotes to rising divorce rates, second-wave feminism and the sexual revolution. At age 13, Cantorna-Wylde was surrounded by family and friends as her father placed a silver purity ring on her finger, symbolizing her commitment to virginity until marriage.
RELATED: Focus on the Family Founder Dr. James Dobson Dies at 89
“There was an expectation that was put on us, because of who my father was and the reputation that we had in the community, that we were supposed to behave a certain way,” said Cantorna-Wylde, whose father, Dave Arnold, was the executive producer of the smash hit children’s Christian radio program “Adventures in Odyssey.”
But Cantorna-Wylde, now 40, claims it was Dobson’s teachings on family that tore her own apart. After she came out as gay, her parents stopped speaking with her — a decision she says resulted from Dobson-approved parenting advice.
When Dobson died last month at age 89, Cantorna-Wylde was one of hundreds of evangelicals raised with Dobson’s precepts who took to social media to question his legacy. Many of these former “Focus on the Family kids” say their families were ruptured by parents who closely followed Dobson’s teaching. For them, the parenting methods that promised stability instead fragmented the very relationships they were intended to uplift.
A University of Southern California child psychologist, Dobson burst onto the parenting advice scene in 1970 with the publication of “Dare to Discipline.” An answer to the popular Dr. Benjamin Spock, whom Dobson called too permissive, “Dare to Discipline” framed parent-child interactions as a power struggle and instructed parents to discipline children decisively and early. Dobson argued that physical discipline as young as 15 months would stave off teenage rebellion and the threat to the American family posed by the upheavals of the 1960s.
“Dobson was able to meet the moment in terms of speaking to people’s fears and panic, and offering this voice of moral clarity,” said scholar Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, who co-authored the forthcoming book “The Myth of Good Christian Parenting” with Marissa Burt.
FILE – In a March 11, 2008, photo, Christian evangelical leader and founder of Focus on the Family James Dobson at the National Religious Broadcasters’ 2008 convention at the Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center in Nashville, Tenn. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak, file)
In 1977, Dobson founded Focus on the Family and began to dole out advice via more books, as well as magazines and radio, reaching millions of readers and listeners. His 1978 book “The Strong-Willed Child” offered corporal punishment to quell a child’s defiant behavior without breaking their spirit. Over two decades, Dobson extended his authority to politics, pushing his views opposing abortion and LGBTQ+ rights. “He had an unparalleled political, ministerial access to families within white American evangelicalism,” said Burt.
RELATED: ‘He Was a Legend’—Dr. James Dobson Tributes Flood Social Media Following His Passing
One of three siblings, Smallcomb played the part of her family’s “golden child,” she said. “I traded my emotional needs and my needs for authenticity so that I could be accepted and loved by my parents.”
Dobson laid the groundwork for more extreme takes on Christian parenting. When she was in her early teens, Cait West’s family, already following Dobson, began taking cues from Vision Forum founder Doug Phillips. West, author of the 2024 memoir “Rift,” became a stay-at-home daughter who wasn’t permitted to go to college and whose father controlled who she would marry. “James Dobson laid out the foundation for what I would consider the radicalization of my family,” West told RNS.
Child development experts and numerous medical organizations have condemned Dobson’s championing of corporal punishment. Therapist Krispin Mayfield, who, with his partner D.L. Mayfield, co-created the multimedia “Strongwilled” project examining religious authoritarian parenting, told RNS that when kids learn that pushing against parents results in physical pain, that lesson often continues into adulthood.
“To push against your parents, to disobey them, to have to set boundaries, to practice your own autonomy is associated with being physically hurt,” said Mayfield. “Staying safe is ‘don’t push back, don’t disagree, don’t disobey.’ Compliance keeps you safe.” Families that have enforced unquestioned compliance as a child’s default response may as a result lack the tools to navigate these divides.
RELATED: Dr. James Dobson Family Institute Names New President To Succeed Dobson
