If you can, limit your demands to normal working hours for the church and the pastor. Send an email rather than calling at home if it’s not an immediate concern. It will help the pastor have a family life.
5. Include them without placing demands or expectations on them.
That’s the delicate balance. The pastor’s spouse is often one of the loneliest person in the church. The spouse doesn’t always know whom to trust and often is excluded from times, which are “just for fun”.
Cheryl can usually tell when someone has an agenda they want to push rather than simply wanting to be her friend. Don’t be afraid to invite the spouse but if they say no to your invitation don’t hold it against them either.
6. Never repeat what they say without permission.
Ever. If the pastor’s spouse happens to share personal information with you about the church or their personal life, keep it to yourself. Always. There will be temptation to share their words as “juicy news”, but you will support best by remaining silent. Over time, you will build her trust and her friendship. Most pastor’s spouses have been burned before by what they thought they were saying in confidence.
7. Pray for your pastor’s family.
Daily would be awesome, but certainly as much as needed or they come to your mind. There really is no better way to bless a pastor’s family than to pray for them.
As a bonus suggestion, if your church really wants to honor the pastor’s spouse, find ways to give the family time away from the church. This is probably what they need most.
Feel free to give a shout-out to your pastor’s spouse here and share practical ways you can honor your pastor’s spouse. If you are a pastor or pastor’s spouse, I would love to hear your thoughts.
(Closing note: I’ve been told numerous times, since I first posted about this issue, that in certain churches the pastor’s spouse IS the problem in the church. Or that they stir or keep stirred the problems in the church. That’s the subject of another post, but I do understand and recognize that there are times this is the problem. It is very difficult for a pastor to be effective without a supportive spouse.)
This article on supporting a pastor’s spouse originally appeared here, and is used by permission. Check out Ron’s leadership podcast where he discusses leadership nuggets in a practical way. Plus, check out the other Lifeway Leadership Podcasts.
