I was looking for a cord for a device I had not used in a while. And I knew exactly where to look. My wife keeps a box where she dumps gadget stuff I and the kids inevitably lose.

I rummaged through box, never finding what I was looking for. But I did find several digital cameras. I pulled each one out of the box, remembering purchasing or using them for special events.

After I repacked the box, I wondered why my family does not use these cameras any longer. It was not because there were no more moments worth capturing. Then it dawned on me. The answer was in my back pocket: my cell phone.

The digital camera is just one of many gadgets smart phones have killed. Most likely, the phone in my pocket took better resolution pictures than any of the cameras in that box. And having my phone with me at all times means I have my camera with me at all times.

Smart phone cameras are a great convenience, which produced an unexpected phenomenon: the selfie. It even became the 2013 Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year. The “selfie” has even produced an industry around it, with software applications, printers and selfie-sticks offered to help make the most of selfies.

Personal cameras were designed to allow us to capture special sites, events and persons in our lives. But the rear-facing camera has become more important than the front-facing one. Who knew that for most people the most special thing they can capture in a picture is themselves?

Beware, lest the “selfie” mindset infiltrate your prayer life.

James wisely instructs, “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2).

The ultimate reason why prayers are not answered is because prayers are not offered. Your holy desires will not be fulfilled and the deeds prompted by your faith will not come to pass unless you take them to God in prayer. It happens after prayer!

But there is another factor to answered prayer to consider. You can ask God for it and not receive if your motives are wrong. James adds, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” (James 4:3). God does not answer prayers that are motivated by selfish ambition, misplaced priorities or worldly passions.

It is not wrong to bring your personal needs and wants to God in prayer. It is our privilege in Christ to come with confidence to the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16). Jesus commands his disciples to ask, seek and knock in believing prayer. But remember that the priority of prayer is God and His glory, not you and your desires. As we make our requests known to the Lord, we are to also pray for the good of others and for the glory of God.

God does not answer selfie prayers!  

This article originally appeared here.

Talk to any church leader, and they’ll tell you it feels harder than ever to get people to come to church on a Sunday.

Even in growing churches (like ours), the competition for peoples’ time, attention and devotion seems to get more intense every year.

You’ve felt it too.

So what’s up? And where is future church attendance heading?

Well, first, even people who attend church are attending less often (here’s why). Second, we know that non-attenders remain interested in spirituality but less interested in church than ever before.

You’ve also noticed that what used to work in church a decade ago doesn’t anymore.

None of this means it’s all gloom and doom. Not at all.

But for centuries, church attendance on Sundays has been a primary way for Christians to connect as well as to connect people who want to explore a relationship with Jesus.

So what happens when regular attendance isn’t nearly as much the norm as it used to be?

I’m a firm believer in the future of the church and the gathered church. It’s here to stay not because we always get it right, but because the church is Jesus’ idea, not ours.

While I think there are some good guesses as to what the future church will look like (here are 10 predictions about the future church), we’re at the point where there are almost more questions than answers.

Hence, this post.

As you chart the future, questions can become your best friend.

Why? Because usually the future isn’t pioneered by the clarity of the answers nearly as much as it by the quality of the questions.

Ask the right questions, and you’ll eventually get the right answers. Fail to ask the questions, and you’re sunk.

If you’re upset about the current trends, good for you. It means you’re positioning yourself for a breakthrough. Or at least someone is, because discontent drives far more innovation than contentment ever has.

History belongs to the innovators.

So, in the name of driving some innovation, here are 10 questions that no one knows the answer to when it come to future attendance.

1. Will Infrequent Church Attendance Become the Universal Default?

If you grew up in church, you were likely raised never to miss a Sunday. Well, those days are pretty much gone. I outline 10 reasons for that in this post.

Frequent church attendance (say three weeks a month) seems to be most prevalent among

• Volunteers
• Long time (and older) church attendees
• Families with very young children
• Some new attendees and new Christians (at least for a season)
• Quite honestly, lower income families for whom travel is not an option

As infrequent attendance becomes more normative, it raises a series of other questions.

2. Does Infrequent Attendance Lead to Lower Devotion Among Christians?

Some might argue frequent church attendance is not an indicator of devotion to Christ, but is infrequent church attendance a sign of lower devotion to Christ?

Obviously, there is nothing that inherently says that’s the case, but generally speaking, people are less committed to things they attend less often.

Showing up at the gym once a month rather than three times a week usually communicates something. Skipping a weekly date with someone you’re supposed to be in love with is usually a sign of something deeper.

People usually commit to things they’re devoted to. Until they’re no longer devoted to them.

Naturally, the goal of faith is to get people to commit to Jesus, not to a local church, but still, as I outline here, Christ and his church are intricately connected.

3. Will Online Church Replace In-Person Attendance for Many?

So if people aren’t attending church as regularly anymore, then what’s the new normal?

In addition to simply staying away, many are substituting online options for in-person attendance.

The last decade has seen an explosion of online options for Christians, most of which are free: from social media, to podcasts, and to services streamed both live and on demand.

The opportunities are endless and will only grow from here.

Even if your church doesn’t have any online presence, don’t worry—thousands of other ministries do. There’s no way to shield your congregation from a changing world.

And actually, come to think of it, there’s shouldn’t be. The church has always adapted to a changing world because Jesus loves the world.

4. Does Online Participation Feed Consumption or Drive Engagement?

One of the key goals for Christians is to engage the mission in front of us: to share the love and salvation of Christ with the world.

But does online participation drive Christians into deeper engagement with that mission or does it drive us deeper into consumerism?

The challenge with technology, of course, is that we are both its parent and its child. We shaped it, but we’re unclear on how it’s shaping us.

So, given the rise of digital options, are Christians increasingly seeing their faith as something to be consumed?

The Gospel by nature demands sacrifice, engagement and risk.

Christianity at its best has never been about consuming much and contributing little. We shouldn’t start now.

In many respects, online consumption builds the kingdom of me. We’re called to build the Kingdom of God.

5. What Happens to Evangelism in a Low-Attendance World?

Of all the things that concern me most about lower attendance patterns, this one is the highest on my list.

If you’re consuming your faith online and only attending sporadically, how do you invite your friends into that? That’s right, you don’t.

Sharing a link on Facebook is not the same as personally sharing your life with a friend.

Sure, theoretically, you can share your faith around a kitchen table. But let’s be honest, not many people actually do that. And something tells me that most people who attend infrequently rarely share their faith.

Christians should live like the good news is good, not just for them, but for everyone.

6. What Happens to Discipleship in a Virtual Environment?

Christian maturity is not marked by how much you know, it’s marked by how much you love.

And love has an outward thrust.

Sure, to grow as a disciple you need to consume. So listen to messages and podcasts, take online seminary classes…do what you need to do.

But consumption has never been the goal of true discipleship. Jesus never asked you to be a disciple; he called you to make disciples.

If your mantra in avoiding other Christians on Sunday and consuming what you feel like on Monday is to build yourself up, you’ve lost the mission.

7. How Much of a Virtual Experience Actually Translates?

With more and more congregations streaming their services, it raises the question of what happens on the other end?

First, I suspect the attention span of viewers and listeners is fractured and intermittent. Watching while running on the treadmill is not the same experience as being in the room live when something is taking place. Listening while cooking dinner and while the kids are running up and down the hall is not the same as being seated and attentive for a sermon. Sure, people have been distracted in church for centuries, but it’s a different kind of distraction.

Second, even if you sit in rapt attention to what’s being streamed on your device, is it the same as being in the room? If you only watched online for a year or attended for a year, would your experience be different?

I think to some extent it would. First, you’d have little human interaction (except maybe in a chat room). But beyond that, I think there’s something of the total experience of being together with others in the presence of God that gets lost.

But it’s too early to tell.

8. Is a Digital Relationship With Christianity Enough?

As physical attendance continues to decline and digital engagement increases, will it be possible to have 100 percent or near 100 percent digital relationship with Christianity, much the way you have a completely virtual relationship with gaming, movies or Hollywood?

Perhaps. But I think something gets lost.

A high percentage of couples today meet online. But no couple who meets online wants to stay online: The goal is to meet in person and (maybe) start a life together. Should Christians be different?

If the goal is to do life together, to engage in a mission together, to quite literally change the world together, well…that involves actual human relationships.

But in a world where more and more are choosing virtual connection over real, we’ll have to see what that produces.

9. What Happens to Kids Whose Parents Only Attend Online?

This one bothers me more than most. Parents will often skip out on attending church because they’re busy or want a day off.

And parents can easily catch up on a message and maybe even still get to a small group.

But what about kids?

We’ve built a relational ministry at our church for all ages based on the Orange strategy and curriculum because, well, I think the Gospel is inherently relational.

You can’t podcast a relationship or stream it (entirely).

When parents skip church, kids lose far more than the parents.

What happens to a generation of kids who grow up disconnected?

10.Will Fragmented Individual Believers Carry the Mission Forward?

Whether the future trends are toward more online engagement or just more sporadic attendance with no online supplementation, the question is whether fragmented individual believers will carry the mission forward?

The church has always been strongest when it’s been a movement of people gathered around a common set of mission, vision, values and strategy.

The hyper-individualism of our current culture (I’ll do what I want when I want to) runs at crossed-purposes to the Gospel and the mission of the church.

I realize many Christians argue they’re done with church (I wrote about that here…the comments will curl your hair), but that still doesn’t change my view that the only one who believes Christians are better off alone is the enemy.

So… What Do You Think?

I really don’t want this to sound like a doomsday scenario. Our church grew last year…and many other churches are growing too. But increasingly church leaders will tell you it feels more like an uphill battle than ever before.

That’s in large measure due to the massive cultural shifts happening around us. I cover many more issues surrounding the church today in my latest book, Lasting Impact: 7 Powerful Conversations That Will Help Your Church Grow. You can also get the Lasting Impact Video Team Edition here.

I do believe the future will be amazing for the church if we ask the right questions, seize the moment prayerfully and begin to innovate.

These questions above aren’t just strategic questions, they’re theological and philosophical questions.

The church is far from dead, but asking the right questions will breathe life into it.

Is there any question you’d add to this list?

Any hopeful answer you’d like to offer?

This article originally appeared here.

Counselors know their efforts often need the support of someone who sees counselees in their natural environment, like a spouse or housemate. As the average age of marriage increases, households of single Christian men or women are becoming a part of many churches, particularly in urban areas. Households with single housemates can be critical for fostering growth in Christ-likeness as they live in community and strive for unity.

But that’s easier said than done. Exhort each other? Submit to one another? To that person? Those passages can seem easy for people you see once a week dressed in their Sunday best, but they tend to be more difficult to apply with housemates. Besides the usual issues of sinners living in close proximity, such as differences in personalities, stages in life, ethnicities and preferences for cleanliness, households of single Christians present a few other challenges. Since there isn’t a defined head of house, who makes the final say when there’s a dispute? Or, without the bond of marriage or parents, what level of commitment to each other should there be?

So how can a conglomerate of such diverse believers attain household unity? Fortunately, there are answers rooted in the gospel and the life of the church. The following are five ways a household of single Christian men or women can strive for unity and stir community.

1. Set a vision and discuss expectations for the house.

Before forming a household, each prospective member should discuss the vision for the household and any expectations for participating in Christian community. Broadly, like any other group of believers, a household of professing single Christians should aim to be a place of fellowship, where preferring one another and talking about the gospel are the norm.

2. Meet regularly to study God’s word, pray and speak into each other’s lives.

No genuine believer would join a church in which the gospel wasn’t being proclaimed or where God’s Word wasn’t read. So why would anyone want to live in a house where that wasn’t happening? Yet many households, whether married or single, don’t regularly engage in studying God’s Word and praying together, despite the foundation it provides for unity and fellowship. That’s unfortunate, because housemates have unique opportunities to speak into others’ lives in ways even the best pastors and counselors can’t.

How often household devotions and prayer occurs isn’t the point, but a commitment should be made. Finding a time that will work for everyone won’t be easy, but unity isn’t cheap, as that oil running down Aaron’s beard illustrates (Psalm 133). That Psalm also shows unity among God’s people comes from above. So we must use God-given means to spur our unity and that means times in the Word, prayer, and sharing and counseling one another. After all, it’s tough to be upset with someone you’re praying with if your prayers reflect a Savior dying for your sins.

This second point is so important let me be clear—if households try to have unity any other way, they’re relying on their own works and not on God, engaging with the weapons of the world and not the weapons of the Lord. I’ve lived with over 25 Christian brothers in the last 20 years, all from different parts of the country and walks of life, with different ways of handling conflict and different senses of humor. The backbone of every household hasn’t been going along to get along; it’s been leading one another in studying God’s Word, praying and enjoying fellowship.

3. Base commitment to each other on a church covenant rather than just a lease.

Some households may think as long as they don’t violate a lease, they’re fine. But single Christians in households have a commitment to each other that goes beyond legal means of unity. Commitment to each other stems from a church covenant, the responsibilities of church membership, the call to bear each other’s burdens, to forgive one another and love one another.

4. Designate a mature member of the church to oversee the house.

A group of men or women living together won’t have clear delineations of headship and submission like a married man and woman would have or like parents would have with children. That’s why living with members of the same church under the same pastors and elders can be helpful. While it isn’t wrong to live with Christians from different churches, consider what happens if you have a conflict that can’t be addressed. Who do you go to in order to settle the matter? Practically, as households form, pastors, elders or deacons can be involved and may even want to be informed so that they can encourage a right mix of mature believers and some new to the faith. Once in a while, that church leader can meet up with the house to provide accountability, offer encouragement and counsel, and address disputes.

5. Practice regular hospitality together.

Paul exhorts the Romans to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13) as one implication of the doctrines presented in Romans 1-11. So practicing hospitality confirms a reliance on God’s grace. When households practice hospitality together, it provides an opportunity for each member to see each other’s gifts, to be reminded of everyone’s need of grace, to steward resources and time well, and to put the needs of others first.

Here’s a final thought. Getting fellowship in the home right couldn’t be more important with today’s mobile world, where community and accountability can be lost. After all, you are who you are at home, with nowhere to hide your true self. It’s no wonder the Apostle Paul lists managing a household well as being a critical qualification for leadership in the church. That’s probably in part because if you can pray, confess, fellowship and study the Scriptures with those who get on your nerves, or who rarely clean the bathroom, or who like Metallica instead of Bach, you’ll have understood the true meaning of grace!

Join the Conversation

What issues among single Christians have you encountered in your ministry?

This article originally appeared on the Biblical Counseling Coalition site.