Recovery after an affair is a marathon—NOT a sprint. If you don’t take care of you—EVERYTHING gets harder. If you are going to survive the affair, whether or not your marriage does, you are going to have to be super disciplined about taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself through the journey gives you the best shot at a positive outcome.
What Is Self-Care?
Self-care is taking care of yourself so you can show up well in your life. This includes caring for your spirit, your body, and your mind.
Surviving an affair will be one of the most difficult experiences of your life. If you do not take care of you—everything else gets harder. It is harder to make good decisions. It is harder to stave off depression and anxiety. You won’t be able to adequately care for those who depend on you.
Caring for Your Spirit
Even though you may feel frustrated, confused, disappointed, or angry with God, you are going to need his help to get through this. If you are isolated from the body of Christ (i.e. the Church), you are cut off from one of the primary sources of support God has for you. This leaves you vulnerable to attacks from the enemy. We would encourage you to:
- Connect in some way with support from a local church.
Caring for Your Body
Your body needs fuel in order to function well. You probably won’t feel like eating or you will want to eat a ton of junk, neither of which is helpful to you. Do your best to feed your body regular, healthy meals.
You probably won’t feel like exercising. However, regular, mild, cardiovascular exercise is one of the few homeopathic things you can do to fend off depression that is actually supported by A LOT of medical research.
Sleep
You might not feel like sleeping or you might struggle to get out of bed. Having a regular sleep schedule, getting eight to nine hours of sleep, is very important to your brain function. If your brain is not functioning well, even small things feel overwhelming. Big things make you want to die. If you are having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, it is very important that you address this issue quickly. You might want to talk to your doctor to get some help. Your counselor can also help you troubleshoot this problem.
Taking Care of Your Mind
Create Space
You are going to need space in your life to process. You won’t be able to think through all the questions, sort through all the feelings, or address all the issues if you don’t make space in your life to do so.
Identify Safe Friends
You are going to need people. You cannot get through this challenge on your own. While it is not helpful for everyone in the world (i.e., Facebook) to know what is going on, some people do need to know. It is important to identify the right kind of people to “bring into the circle with you.” You need people who love you and who have the kind of relationship with their spouse you wish you had with your own. These should be people who are good listeners and will not be quick to tell you what you “should do.”
Connect With a Helper
Whether it is a trusted pastor, a professional counselor, or an affair recovery intensive workshop, do connect with someone experienced in helping others get through these difficult situations.
Giving Yourself Permission To Be…
Finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is one of the hardest experiences any human being has to deal with. It is normal to feel an array of intense emotions.
It is important at this stage that you avoid judging your emotions: “Should I be feeling this?” or “Is it okay for me to be feeling this?” Instead, accept that you are feeling what you are feeling, good, bad, or ugly. Not wanting to feel something doesn’t make you not feel it.”
Recovery after an affair is a marathon—NOT a sprint.Click to Post
