Churchgoing Woman in Gay Marriage Asks for Jackie Hill Perry’s Thoughts

Author, hip hop artist, and Bible teacher Jackie Hill Perry had some compassionate yet challenging words for a woman named Nicole who called in to the “Hardly Initiated” podcast and asked for Perry’s thoughts on Nicole’s lifestyle. Nicole has been married to a woman for five years and says that she loves God but has a “cloud” over her.

“I have a love in my heart so much for Christ, and I want to be like him so much, but it’s like I have this, almost like a cloud that’s over my head when it comes to my lifestyle and religion,” Nicole said in a “Hardly Initiated” clip posted Nov 4. “And so I just wanted to ask someone who has been delivered and who has, you know, moved past it.”

‘Hardly Initiated’ Caller: ‘I’m Open to Whatever God Says’

“Hardly Initiated” is a podcast cohosted by Tysean Jackson and Ryan Catchings that is streamed live on YouTube twice a week. It has the tagline, “Shifting the culture’s perspective on faith, love and relationships.”

The conversation with Nicole took place during an episode streamed Aug. 7 with guests Jackie Hill Perry and Megan Ashley. The episode was the first in a series called “Fight the Flesh”; the second episode in the series features Perry’s husband, Preston, as one of the guests.

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Nicole said she is 38 years old and lives in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. She also told the hosts and guests that she had grown up in the church. “I’m not new to Christ,” she said. “I fast, I pray, I go to church, read my Bible. You know, I feel like I’ve definitely had interactions with Christ. However, I wanted to talk about desires because I feel like I can’t work in the church due to my lifestyle.” 

Nicole then revealed that she had been married to a woman for five years and asked for Perry’s thoughts. Jackie Hill Perry is the author of “Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been.” Part of Perry’s story is how God led her to himself and out of acting on her same-sex attractions. Before giving Nicole any advice, Perry asked for her thoughts on Scripture passages about sexuality. 

Nicole said that people often bring up Leviticus and Sodom and Gomorrah to her. “I read it, and I fasted on it, and the only thing that comes up for me is that God knew me before he put me in my mother’s womb,” she said. “That’s what comes up for me. So where do I stand on in reading it? When I read it, I pray on it. But it’s still a level of—I won’t say necessarily conviction—but it’s, I’m open to whatever God says.”

Many people want her to feel guilty, Nicole said, but she doesn’t. “I don’t have a guilt, and I’m trying to be as transparent as possible and get my thoughts together because I’m nervous,” she shared. She expressed confusion at the fact that some people say, “Love is love,” but others point to the Bible.