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The One Thing That Will Change Your Family Forever

By
Sam Luce
-
communicating with the unchurched

What if I told you that if you did just one thing as a family it would change everything. What if I told you doing this one thing would mean less trouble with drugs and alcohol, eating healthier, showing better academic performance, and reporting being closer with their parents.

Well, tell us already! What is the one thing?

Eat dinner together.

In most industrialized countries, families don’t farm together, play musical instruments or stitch quilts on the porch. So dinner is the most reliable way for families to connect and find out what’s going on with each other. In a survey, American teens were asked when they were most likely to talk with their parents: Dinner was their top answer. Kids who eat dinner with their parents experience less stress and have a better relationship with them. This daily mealtime connection is like a seat belt for traveling the potholed road of childhood and adolescence and all its possible risky behaviors.

Of course, the real power of dinners lies in their interpersonal quality. If family members sit in stony silence, if parents yell at each other or scold their kids, family dinner won’t confer positive benefits. Sharing a roast chicken won’t magically transform parent-child relationships. But, dinner may be the one time of the day when a parent and child can share a positive experience—a well-cooked meal, a joke or a story—and these small moments can gain momentum to create stronger connections away from the table. –Anne Fishel Washington Post.

The family dinner has been lost. This has happened for a variety of reasons, but I strongly believe in families having dinner together. I have seen it at work in my family, but the research seems to prove that it is as powerful and meaningful as I have found it to be for our family. If I could encourage parents in our church to start doing one thing it would be this. I know that there are some common questions and objections as to why this wouldn’t work so let’s take them on one at a time.

How often should we eat dinner together?
I would say at least five nights a week is optimal and three nights a week is minimal.

I don’t cook.
You don’t have to—order in or get take-out and bring it back home and eat it around the table.

What do we say? I have nothing to talk about. What are some conversation suggestions for younger children?

[Love these suggestions from http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/]

Even if they’re unable to have longer conversations, younger kids like to be included in dinnertime chit chat. Sometimes, a simple “What did you do today?” will result in fun answers about what the child saw on a walk or did during playtime. Asking kids to describe their favorite games, cartoons or toys will also spark their interest and generate engaged responses. You might ask, “What can your favorite toy or cartoon character do that you’d like to do?”

Additionally, images and photos are great conversation starters. If you have a photo that you don’t mind getting messy, try bringing it to the dinner table and asking your child to describe what he or she sees. If it’s a family photo, the child may ask who’s in the picture and what they’re doing. This could lead to a fun discussion about different family members and their lives.

Children love telling and hearing about stories of their parents, grandparents and their ancestry. You could also try kicking off a story with one of the following questions:

  • “Do you know the story of how your parents met?”
  • “Do you know how your name was chosen, or how your parents’ names were chosen?”
  • “Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences they had during their childhood?”
  • “Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?”
  • “What is the earliest story you know about an ancestor?”

Here are some great links for resources and more stats on why family dinner is so important.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-importance-of-eating-together/374256/?utm_content=buffer23ab5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/resources/faq/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/01/12/the-most-important-thing-you-can-do-with-your-kids-eat-dinner-with-them/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/timi-gustafson/family-dinner_b_1898387.html

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/t/the_importance_of_family_dinner.aspx

This article originally appeared here.

Facing Insurmountable Obstacles

By
Greg Laurie
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communicating with the unchurched

Have you ever faced what seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, something so big and so overwhelming that you wished you could just turn and run away?

In some ways, that’s how I feel about Harvest America to be held at the massive University of Phoenix Stadium on June ll.

If you are facing what appears to be an insurmountable obstacle, then you have a general idea of how the nation of Israel felt as they stood before the massive, ancient city of Jericho, the city God said they were supposed to conquer. His battle plan was one of the most unorthodox ever envisioned in human history: They were to march around the city for six days. Then on the seventh day, they were to march around the city seven times, blow their trumpets and shout. It was a plan designed by God to show his power.

The day of reckoning had come for Jericho. The inhabitants of the city were very wicked people, and history tells us they used their children as prostitutes for false gods, and they also sacrificed them on pagan altars. They were into every kind of idolatry, perversion and sin. And the evil had gone on for years and years and years.

God had patiently endured the wickedness of the Canaanites from the time of Abraham to Moses, a period of 400 years. And then, as the Israelites were making their way toward the new land, another 40 years had passed. The people of Jericho had plenty of time to repent, because they knew the Israelites were coming.

When Rahab hid the Israelite spies on her rooftop in Jericho, she told them, “We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below” (Joshua 2:10–11 NIV).

These people knew about the miracles God did for Israel. Yet they continued in their hardness of heart. So here came the Israelites, marching around the city for six days. The Canaanites could have repented. But that didn’t happen. Instead, they probably laughed at them. Maybe they even dumped garbage on them, thinking it was all a joke as Israel marched around the city day after day after day. But when the last day came, the Israelites gave their shout and blew their trumpets…and then the walls collapsed.

Meanwhile, Rahab, whom the Bible describes as a prostitute, was shown to be right with God by her actions when she hid the spies and sent them safely away by a different route. She believed judgment was coming, and she showed evidence of her faith. The Bible says that faith without works is dead, and Rahab showed her faith by her actions.
We’re told in the book of James, “In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?” (2:25 NIV).

Before the spies left Jericho, they told Rahab to hang a scarlet rope from her window so they would know where she lived and could spare her and her family. And sure enough, when the Israeli army marched in after the walls had collapsed, they saw the rope and took Rahab and her family out of the city to safety.

Interestingly, Rahab had everything going against her. Not only was she an immoral woman, but she was named after an Egyptian deity. And she was the perfect candidate for the grace of God. This reminds us that the gospel is for everyone, everywhere, and there are no exceptions. No one is beyond the reach of God.

During his earthly ministry, it seemed as though Jesus went out of his way to reach people like her. We see this in his conversation with the woman at the well in Samaria. She was there drawing water in the heat of the day because she had been ostracized by her village. She had been married and divorced five times and was living with a man. But Jesus reached out to her, and she ended up believing on that particular day.

Not only was Rahab pardoned and spared from judgment, but she was forgiven. She married an Israelite named Salmon and made it into the most exclusive genealogy in all of human history: the Messianic line of Jesus Christ.

And in what is known as the Hall of Faith, Hebrews 11, we’re told, “By faith walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those that did not believe when she received the spies with peace” (verse 30). The power of God turned Rahab into a world changer.

That is what sets world changers apart from everyone else. World changers use their faith. They go from the realm of theory to reality. They go out and do things for God. They take risks. They’re willing to put their faith on the line.

Maybe you’re facing a Jericho right now. It might be a problem. It might be a challenge. It might even be an opportunity. But all you know is that it’s really big, and there is no way you can handle it in your own strength.

For many of us, the greatest difficulty is to get to the place where we are willing to admit we need God, where we’re willing to admit that the thing we’re facing is too big for us—and if God doesn’t come through, we won’t get through it.

That, by the way, is not a bad place to be. As the great British preacher Alan Redpath used to say, when you get to the end of yourself, you get to the beginning of God.

Know this: There is no illness God cannot heal. There is no need he cannot meet. There is no problem he cannot resolve. And there is no person he cannot save.

This article originally appeared here and on Fox News.

5 Reasons That Ministries Won’t Work in Your Church

By
Church Fuel
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communicating with the unchurched

You come up with a great ministry or event idea. You know it’s working at a church you respect and you’re sure it will work in your church. You pray about it and talk to several others, and everyone senses a green light.

So you launch it, but then it never gets traction.

It never catches on.

You’re left to choose between two bad options—letting it coast even though it’s not effective, or changing course and losing some of your leadership capital. Maybe you’ve tried to start something and it didn’t work. Or maybe you want to avoid the mistakes so many others have made. In areas like…

  • Launching small groups
  • Starting a men’s or women’s ministry
  • Organizing an outreach event
  • Raising money during a capital campaign

Whether it’s a new program, ministry, idea, initiative or campaign, here are several reasons it (whatever it is) might not work in your church.

#1 – Your ministry menu is already too crowded.

One of the most common reasons programs, ministries or initiatives don’t work in churches is because there just wasn’t room in the first place. Your ministries, events and programs already have a lot of competition. There are things in the culture but also things in your church vying for people’s attention. So giving them more options isn’t going to create momentum. It’s going to water down what you’re already doing.

Deborah Ike says a packed solid church calendar and back-to-back meetings are a sign your church is too busy. If your church is already too busy (and keep in mind, you might not be the best judge of that), don’t add more to the mix. It just won’t work.

I’ve seen this a lot when churches with classes try to add groups to the mix. They don’t want to stop doing classes because that’s worked in the past. So they add groups as an option for people who prefer the community-focused ministry. The result is usually two mediocre things that don’t work.

It’s tempting to think your church can sustain another idea. But just because you have the capacity and the drive doesn’t mean your church shares that. Highly committed leaders often fail to realize people in their church do not have the same capacity. Even your volunteers and leaders will be confused by adding more messages.

Since pastors believe in the vision for something and are passionate about it, they think it will translate to their church. It doesn’t.

Thom Rainer writes:

“Members are often confused about what they should do and how active they should be in the disparate ministries and programs. And some members pull back their involvement altogether in a sense of frustration and often guilt.”

Whenever you add something, it costs.

It costs money. It costs people. It costs communication.

If you think you have too many ministries, here’s a step-by-step plan for how to cancel or stop doing some of them.

If you’re committed to starting a new ministry, this article has some practical advice on how to do it.

#2 – The leadership team doesn’t personally buy in.

Another reason programs, ministries and initiatives don’t work is because the leadership team doesn’t personally buy into the idea. I’m not talking about believing in the idea, I’m talking about buying in. Here are two examples.

If you want small groups to work in your church, all of the leaders from the senior pastor to the staff to those in volunteer leadership roles better be in healthy small groups. If that’s not the case, groups are likely going to struggle.

If you want your church to set up recurring giving (which is a great idea, and you should strive to have 75 percent of your giving come this way), then your leaders should go first.

No matter the campaign, make sure the leaders go first. Have conversations. Ask questions. Talk to people personally.

And do all of this before you launch the thing to the church.

#3 – You’re not willing to invest financially.

A third reason things don’t work in church is because there’s not a solid financial ground. Jesus told the story about a man who began building a tower, but had to quit because he ran out of money. That wannabe builder ended up being the laughing stock of the story.

In the same way, you shouldn’t launch programs, ministries or events without the proper financial support. You shouldn’t hire a position without firm financial footing in the hopes this new hire will “pay for the position.” That’s just poor planning.

Too many programs and ministries fail because there wasn’t a budget. And the thing is, that’s entirely preventable.

In Originals, Adam Grant says one of the biggest reasons new businesses fail is premature scaling. They try to do too much too soon. They don’t give their systems time to catch up to their passion. That’s a challenge for pastors and church leaders, too. Our ministries need more than passion and vision. They need systems. And they need money.

If you go to the Drive Conference or follow the ministry of Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta, you might know they put a huge emphasis on small groups. “Circles are better than rows” is something you’ll hear all the time from them. That means for as well-done as their church services are, their real focus is connecting people in groups.

This goes way beyond announcements. It’s part of the culture.

Small groups are so important to Northpoint they will reimburse parents for babysitting so they can participate in a small group. That’s how they have chosen to solve the childcare problem of groups. Parents can pay for a babysitter of their choice and the church will cover the cost.

This is a considerable expense and a big line item in the church budget.

But it enables adults with young children to participate in one of they key programs of the church. And it shows, not just speaks about, their values as an organization. My point here is not to tell you to start a childcare reimbursement program. It is to challenge you to think about your priorities and then align your budget with them.

There are too many churches that say reaching students is a priority and then they ask their student ministry to organize fundraisers. If your money isn’t where your ministry mouth is, it’s probably not going to work.

#4 – You’re depending on one passionate leader instead of developing a leadership team. 

A fourth common reason things don’t work in church is leadership development.

Ministries get started by one passionate leader, but when that passion changes or that visionary leader moves on, the ministry is left with little structure and no staying power.

Visionary leaders, the kind of men and women that start things in churches, are often not good at running things. They start but they can’t sustain. They create the architectural drawings, but they don’t know how to handle a hammer.

But for your ministry, program or campaign to work, you need leaders who know how to cast vision and operators who know how to organize things for the long term. At Church Fuel, we say it like this:

If you only have WOW leaders, you’ll move from idea to idea and never make any long-term difference. Everyone will be inspired and that inspiration will fade away quick. If you only have HOW leaders, you’ll be a well-organized, super-systematized, cost-effective church that accomplishes nothing important.

Whether it’s an event, program or launch, you need both kinds of people. If you’re a Church Fuel One member, make sure you watch the master class on how to structure every volunteer team for success. We’ll show you exactly what kind of WOW and what kind of HOW leaders to put in place. If you’re not a Church Fuel One member, this one master class will make it worth a year-long membership.

#5 – You didn’t create a plan worthy of the idea.

The fifth reason things often don’t work in church has nothing to do with an idea. There are tons of great ideas that don’t work.

A lot of different ideas will work. In fact, you could even choose the opposite idea you’re considering right now and it will work. I think about Apple (a closed system where Apple controls absolutely everything in the ecosystem) and Android (an open source system where developers can change things at will). These two ideas are exactly the opposite of each other. And both work just fine.

That’s because it’s not about the idea; it’s about the execution. It’s not about the program; it’s about the plan.

If you have a great idea, it deserves a great plan. In fact, I’d go as far to say that one of the biggest reasons things don’t work in our church the way we want is because of our failure to work.

I like to say “that didn’t work,” but more often than not, I didn’t work. The idea wasn’t to blame; my haphazard creation of a supporting plan, calendar or strategy was at fault.

If you’re a WOW leader, you’re probably not going to get fired up about creating plans. You want to draw the idea on a whiteboard not plan it out in a spreadsheet. You want to cast vision, paint a picture of the problem and rely on your ability to communicate to drive the idea.

But passion isn’t a plan. Martin Luther King Jr. may have said, “I have a dream,” but there was an entire apparatus behind him and alongside him implementing a plan to usher in the civil rights movement in the United States. MLK may have been a WOW leader, gifted at public speaking, but there were teams of HOW leaders around him creating plans and executing strategies.

If you want to launch groups, raise a significant amount of money or start a new ministry in your church, you need more than a great idea. You need a great plan.

Take a Next Step

We believe two things about church growth.

#1 – You don’t have to sacrifice church health to experience church growth.

#2 – While growth is up to God, He wants us to be good stewards of our influence and uses us in the process.

If you’re interested in healthy growth in your church, check out the Church Fuel One program. It’s a community of pastors who value practical coaching and resources and encourage one another to grow healthy.

Every month, we deliver master classes to members covering topics like recruiting volunteers, connecting people, preaching, finances and more. It’s just in time training for you and your team.

Members get access to a resource library full of documents, spreadsheets and templates. And there are members only office hours and round tables where you can get personal help when needed. If you’ve got one hour a month, Church Fuel One can help you lead your church to grow healthy.

This article originally appeared here.

10 Ways Christians Can Fight Depression

By
Brandon Hilgemann
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communicating with the unchurched

Christians get depressed too—even pastors. I know because it’s part of my story.

Years ago, my family and I went through a series of difficult events. I was hurt. I was bitter. It led me down a dark road.

The first feeling I remember was like being tired. I didn’t know I was depressed. But getting out of bed every day took all the strength I could muster.

I had been working in the trenches of ministry for years. Was I just burnt out? I’ve heard so much about burnout. Maybe this was it.

So I got a lot of rest, but it didn’t go away.

If you saw me at church or around town, I would have smiled and told you I was good. On the outside, I wore the mask that so many Christians do. Inside, I was dying.

My wife will tell you that it was the darkest year of our life. I was tired and sad every day. I was present with my wife and kids physically, but mentally I had checked out.

Six months in, I finally admitted that I wasn’t just burnt out. I was depressed.

But I’m a pastor! I’m not supposed to get depressed. How could this happen to me?

I’ve never shared this with anyone before (except my wife). And the reason I’m writing about it now is that, by the grace of God, I’ve overcome my depression, and I believe you can too.

DISCLAIMER:

Before I get into the things that God used to help me pull out of a year of depression, I need to make a few important disclaimers.

Many factors lead to depression. We still have much to learn about what causes it.

In this article, I’m not talking about depression caused by mental illness. I have a close family member who has a mental illness that causes depression. He will battle it every day of his life, and I thank God for advances in psychology and medicine that have helped him manage it.

So if you are wrestling with a mental illness and need to take medication to manage your depression, let me be the first to tell you that it’s OK.

There’s a terrible stigma in the church about taking medication to manage clinical depression. It’s wrong. God doesn’t love you any less if you need medicine. Nobody should be looked down upon for getting help.

Also, please know that I’m not a professional psychologist. I can only speak about my experience. If you need help, please talk to a professional.

The tips I’m suggesting here are what helped me to pull out of a dark time in my life.

There was no magic fix. The climb out was slow and painful. It didn’t happen overnight.

But over time, the depression faded into the background, and I have moved on.

Here are the 10 things that helped me fight depression.

1. PRAY

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:17-18)

Yell at God if you need to. Tell him all your frustrations. Don’t stop. He can handle it.

When I was depressed, I blamed God. I was mad at him for allowing this to happen to me. I played the victim, and my prayer life suffered.

Things started to turn around for me only after I started praying again. Just know that it didn’t happen overnight. I prayed day after day, month after month.

God is faithful. He hears your prayers. Don’t stop.

2. FIND YOUR IDENTITY IN CHRIST

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12)

Part of the reason I was down was that my I built my identity on the wrong foundation.

My identity was in being a successful pastor, working in a large church and being the poster boy for Christian life with my perfect little family.

When a child’s medical problems, difficulty at work and eventually my depression blindsided me, I couldn’t handle it.

I didn’t know who I was anymore because my identity was in things other than Christ. It took a lot of soul-searching for me to realize this and ultimately find peace in knowing that I am more than just a pastor, husband and father. I’m a child of God.

If (God forbid) I lost my ministry, my family and everything else I had worked so hard for, I would still be a member of God’s family.

Who would you be if you lost everything? If you don’t have an answer, you have an identity problem.

3. EXERCISE

The last thing I wanted to do when I was depressed was a workout. But research has proven that regular exercise helps fight depression.

Your body releases neurochemicals that help you feel good after you exercise.

It wasn’t easy to get started. I started going for walks with my kids to a neighborhood park and doing a few pushups and sit-ups in my living room.

It wasn’t much, but doing just a little bit every day helped until I had the energy to do more. I felt better on the days that I exercised than on the days I didn’t.

4. EAT HEALTHY

Eating is my favorite sport. Can I get a witness?

When I was depressed, I self-medicated with food.

I sought comfort in comfort food, and it only made things worse. I gained weight and felt worse.

After I had admitted my depression, I cleaned up my diet at the same time I started to exercise. It helped a ton.

The greasy foods and sugary drinks hurt more than they helped.

Studies have proven that if you battle depression, you can help win the war with your diet.

5. STAY IN CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

My first instinct when I got depressed was to withdraw. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I just wanted to do what I had to do, go home and be left alone.

I cringed when my phone rang, or a friend texted. I didn’t even want to go to church anymore. It was bad.

But withdrawing from the world and everyone who loved me didn’t help. One of the things that helped me get out of the pit was staying involved in Christian community, even when I didn’t feel like it.

Don’t run away from church. God’s desire is for all of us to live in community. Even when you don’t feel like it, you need to get out of bed and go to your church or small group.

One of the best things you can do is stop focusing so much on yourself and your problems. Live to love and serve others.

6. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

You may be depressed, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t blessed.

I was so focused on all that was wrong with my life that I missed all that was right.

When I realized this, I made a conscious effort to thank God every day for the good things, no matter how small.

Whether I was thanking him for the laughter of my children, sunshine, coffee or another day to live, praising God for the blessings made life less depressing.

Don’t build a house in the land of negativity. Focus on all the good things God has given you.

7. UNPLUG

Phone addiction is a problem. Studies have found that people who spend more time on their phone have a higher risk of depression.

You may not know this, but your phone has an off button somewhere. It’s OK to use it.

When I was depressed, I retreated from my real-world problems and stuck my face in my phone. I played games, watched Netflix and killed hours in mindless online activity.

When I started to turn it around, I made a conscious effort to put my phone down and spend more time in the real world. I played with my kids and talked to my wife instead of watching other people live their life.

Take a break from electronics. Unplug from the world. Turn off the noise. Be present.

8. REST

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:2)

You may feel depressed because you aren’t sleeping enough.

My depression hit the hardest when I was working late on my computer every night and had a newborn baby. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting enough sleep.

To make matters worse, when I should have been sleeping, I was up until 2 a.m. watching Netflix.

I was up early, up late and up with a child that decided not to sleep through the night for two years.

I used to joke, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” But I realized I’d be dead a lot sooner than planned if things didn’t change.

If you aren’t getting the proper amount of sleep, it may be a big part of your problem. I know for a fact that I started feeling better after I made sleep more of a priority.

9. EDIT YOUR LIFE

Part of my problem was that I was doing too much. I couldn’t juggle it all. Something had to give.

When I got depressed, I had to cut a lot of things from my life. I turned down some great opportunities, but I was overextended, and it was killing me.

If you have a problem like me in saying yes to everything, you have to learn how to say no.

Cut the nonessential obligations from your life. It may be a good thing, but too many good things aren’t always the best thing.

Spend time on only the most important things and create more blank space in your life.

10. TELL SOMEBODY

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. (James 5:16)

Here’s one thing I didn’t do until it was far too late. I didn’t get help like I should have.

I didn’t want to talk about my problems. How could I? I was a pastor who was supposed to have it all together. What would people think?

I called a Christian counselor once, but he was out of town. So I never made an appointment.

My pride got in the way. I knew I wasn’t OK, but I didn’t want anyone else to know that.

Thankfully, I married an amazing woman who helped me come to terms with what I was feeling inside. We talked it out for hours every day. She helped me be able to admit for the first time that I was depressed.

It took me a long time to be able to even say the words, “I am depressed.” I thought as a Christian I should be above that. But I wasn’t.

It’s OK to admit that you aren’t OK. The road to healing starts with confession.

YOUR NEXT STEP

Are you depressed? There’s hope. God will help you pull through. Please, don’t be like me and let your pride get in the way. Don’t wait to get help.

I still have days where I start to slide back into the hole, but I’ve learned to identify it before I get too far down.

Christian joy is about more than just a feeling of happiness. It’s an awareness of our ultimate well-being because of the good news of Jesus Christ. It is well because, in the end, it will all be well.

If you know someone struggling with depression, share this article to help spread hope.

This article originally appeared here.

Monday’s Preparation Brings Friday’s Success

By
Ron Edmondson
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communicating with the unchurched

In one of my consulting opportunities I was asked to help someone think strategically. We were looking at this person’s ministry, trying to design a system that would allow for continual growth and improvement. The ministry had grown rapidly and the leader barely felt she could keep up with her current demands.

She recognized the need to delegate, grow new leaders, and spread out responsibility and ownership, but she couldn’t seem to get past the current demands of details to develop a plan to do so.

Have you ever been there?

While attempting to create a system with her, I think we may have gotten to the root of her problem (and one I’ve had many times personally). She looked at me with complete sincerity and said, “I just don’t have time to prepare…”

Have you ever had that thought?

Do you see the problem with her statement? If you don’t, we have a bigger problem on our hands.

Unfortunately, it’s a common misperception of all parts of life. We don’t feel we have time to do the required preparation to do the job right, so we continue in the mediocre success, while drowning in details. The reality, however, is that preparation time is often the most important part of the work.

As corny as it may sound—an inch of preparation is worth a mile of success.

It’s Monday. Take a few minutes to prepare.

It will make the rest of the week much easier and more effective. I start each week with some clear objectives. I want to know what I need to accomplish for the week. These are usually broad and I list them in the form of a checklist. (Sermon, write quarterly newsletter, prepare for staff meeting, prepare for finance meeting, etc.) Once I have this list I break them down by day. Some items, such as my sermon, may require time from multiple days. And then I start each day with its own checklist.

It’s not complicated, but it is strategic. I find the more deliberate I am to pre-plan my day and week, the more productive I feel at the end of the week.

You have time to prepare. I would say you don’t have time to waste not doing so.

This article originally appeared here.

A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce

By
Rebecca VanDoodewaard
-
communicating with the unchurched

The following article is a guest post by Rebecca VanDoodewaard, author of Uprooted: A Guide for Homesick Christians and Your Future ‘Other Half’: It Matters Whom You Marry. She is married to William VanDoodewaard, Professor of Church History at Puritan Theological Seminary. They have four children.

During a recent visit, my wife and I discussed these types of issues with Bill & Rebecca. I am thankful for her willingness to express her thoughts so clearly and powerfully in this article.   

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God hates divorce, doesn’t He? Absolutely. Isn’t the gospel about forgiveness and love? Yes, it is. And pastors and elders can use these two truths in isolation from the rest of Scripture and biblical principles to deny people divorce for biblical grounds. “But marriage is a precious thing,” one pastor told a woman whose husband was in prison for pedophilia. “It would be a wonderful picture of God’s grace to move on from this and focus on your marriage,” another one told the husband of an adulteress. “We’re working with him; he’s really struggling, and so you need to forgive him,” a session tells a woman whose husband has been using pornography for years.

Evangelical and confessional churches are striving to maintain a high view of marriage in a culture that is ripping the institution to shreds. So extra-biblical barriers to divorce can be well-meant. They try to protect marriage by doing everything possible to avoid divorce. In doing so, they not only fail to keep a high view of marriage. They also spread lies about the gospel, divorce, the value of people, the character of God and the nature of sexual sin.

The first lie is that forgiveness means that the offended party is bound to continue living with the guilty party once there’s an apology. Wives in particular are told that God requires that they forgive a repentant spouse, which is true, and that this means that they need to stay in the marriage, which is not true. It’s like saying to parents who discover that the babysitter molested their children: “Oh, but the sitter said sorry. It would be unloving to not ask them to watch the kids again. You need to demonstrate your forgiveness.” The argument is that Jesus forgave you and took you in: Why can’t you do the same for a spouse? Because I am not God: I am human, too, and can’t atone for my spouse’s sin in a way that can restore an earthly marriage.

Sacrificing a person to save a relationship is not the gospel. The gospel is that Someone was sacrificed to free us from sin and bring us to God. We cannot always bear the relational punishment for someone else’s sin. We can forgive them, and will if we are a Christian, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with them. You can forgive someone and divorce them. Scripture commands forgiveness where there is repentance, but it never requires that a relationship be continued in the way that it was before covenant was shattered. This lie of “forgiveness” places the burden on the innocent party. The sinner gets counsel, support, help and prayer, while the sinned-against gets pressure, guilt and a crushing future. Acceptance is often labelled the “Christian” thing to do. Since Christ gave divorce as an option in some circumstances, divorce can be the Christian thing to do, too. Forgiveness is always the Christian thing to do, and it simply means that the guilty party is forgiven, not absolved from all earthly consequences.

The second lie is implied: God hates divorce more than He hates abuse and sexual sin. To put the lie a different way, God loves marriage more than He loves the women in it. While God created marriage, loves marriage and says that it is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church, Jesus didn’t die to save marriage. He died to save people. He sacrificed His life to protect His sons and daughters, and hates when they are abused, violated and humiliated, particularly in a relationship that is supposed to picture Christ and the church.

This fact is especially true for women, who suffer at the hands of men whose actions mock servant leadership and so blaspheme the name of the Christ whom they are called to represent. Denying a woman legitimate divorce allows an unrepentant man to continue in this abuse and blasphemy. If we want to value and treat marriage rightly, we need to think about Jesus! His care for His church is not an abstract idea. We see it lived out in the gospels every day in purity, tender care for widows and intolerance of the Pharisees who thought they could be right with God while checking out beautiful women at the market. Christ’s love for His church found very concrete expression on the cross—willingness to die to save His beloved people. Yes, God hates divorce. And there are some things that He hates even more.

The third lie is that divorce is an unclean thing, often the fault of the innocent party. This is a misunderstanding of divorce. Divorce is not the innocent party ending a marriage. Divorce is the innocent party obtaining legal recognition that the guilty party has destroyed the marriage. So often, we see the divorcing person as the one who ends the marriage—they are not! Where there has been sexual unfaithfulness, abuse or abandonment, it is the guilty party who ended it by breaking covenant. While legitimate divorce is not mandatory, it is a biblical option, on moral par with maintaining the marriage. The 1992 report by the PCA study committee on divorce and remarriage comments:

It is also interesting to recall in this connection Jeremiah 3:8, where Yahweh is said to divorce Israel for her spiritual adultery (idolatry):?“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.” If God himself can properly divorce his bride because of adultery, then, given Christ’s unqualified adherence to the authority of the Old Testament, it seems difficult to conclude that Jesus would not have had similar words on his own lips. (218)

The church needs to be clear about this: Legitimate divorce is holy and biblical if God Himself can speak of initiating it. And it is initiated to publicly recognize the destruction already there. Divorce does not end a covenant. It protects the spouse whose covenant has been violated—a picture of covenant protection in the face of human unfaithfulness. Always discouraging divorce, always making it a last, desperate option that really fails to show gospel power, implies that we know more about marriage than God does and value it more highly. If there are legitimate reasons for divorce, then making divorce look like a lesser option is wrong. God allows it: Who are we to discourage people from choosing a biblical option?

The fourth lie usually involved in this discussion is about pornography. It is often classified as not technically adultery, so spouses are denied the biblical right to divorce. This is mind boggling. Someone who seeks out sexually explicit material and has a physical response to it is in the same mental, physical and spiritual condition as someone in bed with a coworker. The difference is that the relationship with the coworker is at least private and limited, while porn use accepts and subsidizes an entire industry of sexual sin that is maintained by abuse and slavery, involves hundreds of people, and is tracked by the producing companies and Internet servers. Deliberate and repeated porn use is at least adultery, regardless of whether there is repentance at some point. Denying this makes people ask why some pastors are so committed to denying what porn really is. Our pre-technology definition of adultery allows souls and marriages to be ravaged from the inside out because we fail to admit what a porn habit really is. We look away from the institutionalized rape that it subsidizes. Countenancing sexual sin for any reason reveals a poor understanding of sexual sin as well as the gospel.

Do you see how these lies, sometimes borne out of a desire to protect marriage, actually bring about a low view of marriage? By granting, supporting and even facilitating a biblical divorce, we take a stand to say that we can forgive without being forced to live with people who have shattered us. This protects marriage by allowing the innocent party to leave a relationship that has been broken. By backing biblical divorce, we protect women whom God loves, showing Christ’s love when spouses have not. This protects marriage by refusing to allow sinners to abuse the institution with impunity. By publicly stating that sexual sin and abuse, not wounded spouses, ends marriages, we hold the marriage bed in honor. This protects marriage by creating a holy fear of violating it. By offering biblical divorce, the church affirms that pornography is depravity, and will not be countenanced by Christ’s church. Naming and disciplining sexual sin as the evil it is and offering divorce to the innocent party makes the value of marriage clear as we refuse to see it damaged, abused or treated lightly.

Developing and maintaining a high view of marriage does a lot. It protects women and children, often the people most hurt by sexual sin. It keeps us from falling into sin ourselves: The higher our view of marriage, the less likely we will be to dabble in something so devastating. And a high view of marriage honors the One who created it for our good and His glory—the One who promises to judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.

This article originally appeared here.

How to Know if You Fear God

By
John Bevere
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communicating with the unchurched

There was a time in my life when I would have told you I feared God—but my actions told a different story.

A number of years ago I was looking for a publisher for my first book and was approached by a nationally known publishing house. When the publisher gave us their proposal, the deal seemed too good to be true. I couldn’t believe that such a major publishing house was interested in my book! But as Lisa and I prayed about it, we both felt uneasy and knew that we did not have God’s peace to move forward.

Nevertheless, after weeks of continuing to hear them out, they won me over. Over time, I had suppressed the lack of peace and against the Holy Spirit’s leading and my wife’s caution, I signed the deal.

It was disastrous. Immediately after signing the deal, all kinds of trouble broke out.

For a string of three months, I was continually battling sickness and injury. I went from the flu to a viral infection to a fever that lasted for weeks to a knee injury that put me on crutches. Making matters worse, nothing seemed to be working out with the publisher—we couldn’t agree on anything, and our relationship was breaking down. Could this be why David wrote, “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67)?

God was quite merciful to me in this situation, and He allowed me to see my folly. I’d put ministry success before obedience to Him. I admitted my error to God and my wife, Lisa. I was forgiven and cleansed. His mercy is so amazing!

However, I was still trapped. We needed a miracle to get out of the contract with this publisher. Lisa and I joined hands and pleaded for God’s intervention. Within a couple of weeks, the publisher wrote and said they were canceling the contract. I was relieved, but it came with a hefty price tag—the ordeal had cost us over $4,000, an enormous loss for our fledgling ministry to absorb.

But why did I make this mistake in the first place? The honest answer is that my focus was on abundance rather than the fear of the Lord. This opened the door for logic and apparent success to override and silence what God was making clear to my heart.

The truth is that obedience is the outward evidence of the fear of the Lord. When we fear God, we will obey Him instantly—even if it hurts, even if we don’t understand, even if we can’t see the benefit, and to completion.

If we look at the story of when God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, Abraham fulfilled each of these criteria. Let’s relive his great test.

One night God instructs him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Is he hearing correctly? Is this a bad dream? No way, he thinks. How can this be?! I love my son. I can’t put Isaac to death. Kings and nations are promised to come through him. How can this promise be fulfilled if I kill him?

But despite his lack of understanding, we read, “Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey” (Genesis 22:3 NIV). He obeys instantly, though it surely hurt him. Isaac was the fulfillment of God’s promise in his life. He waited patiently and believed God for more than 25 years to see God’s promise come to pass—and now he was being asked to lay it all down, and God doesn’t give him an explanation. Nevertheless, without understanding, he obeys.

We all know the end of the story, but Abraham didn’t. All he knew was that he feared God and trusted Him completely, even when it didn’t make sense to his natural mind.

Because he fears God, he doesn’t hesitate in obeying Him to completion. He climbs the mountain, builds the altar, ties Isaac up and is ready to thrust the knife into his beloved son’s heart. He obeys to completion.

While the knife looms over Isaac, an angel suddenly appears and cries out, “Do not lay a hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God” (Genesis 22:12 NIV).

How does the angel know that Abraham fears God? Because he obeyed instantly; when it didn’t make sense, when it was painful and with no promise of benefit, he went the distance. His priority over everything else was obedience to God. If you fear God, you will wholeheartedly obey what He asks you to do.

I encourage you not make the same mistake I did. I prioritized my own desires over fearing and obeying God, and it cost me dearly. After I repented, God restored that situation and eventually connected me with the right publisher, but all the trouble I went through could have been avoided had I only followed His prompting in the first place. Delayed or partial obedience is disobedience in God’s eyes and can only lead you away from His blessing in your life.

What is God asking you to do? Do it, and do it completely. Your obedience to God will open the doors to His blessing and position you to step into all He has for you.

This article originally appeared here.

The Widow’s Gift of Everything

By
Paul David Tripp
-
communicating with the unchurched

Imagine what it was like for her, just her and her little boy. Her husband had died, and together, mother and son were starving to death.

They were victims of a widespread famine, and there was no place to go and nothing to do about their plight. She had faced the reality of their coming demise. She would take her little pot of flour and the little bit of oil she had left, gather some sticks, make a little cake, eat this final meal with her son and lay down to die.

What would you be thinking if it were you? What would you be thinking about God? What would you say to your son? And how would you respond if someone you didn’t know came and asked you to give them the ingredients for your last meal on earth?

THE STORY

I want you to stop and read 1 Kings 17:8-24. Pretend that you’re there. Put yourself in the shoes of the woman.

Sometimes I think we read the Bible too stoically. Sometimes I think we forget that the characters in the stories embedded in the Old Testament were people just like us. They had hopes and dreams; they believed and they doubted; they felt joy and experienced despair; they suffered real pain; they didn’t know what was going to happen next.

THE WIDOW OF ZAREPHATH

Imagine the suffering of this woman—not only was she grieving the loss of her husband, but she was now forced to face that she and her son would die too. There was no denying the dire state that she was in. How could it get any worse? How could life be darker?

But what she didn’t know was that God had chosen to shine the light of glorious life on her. God had already chosen for her to be part of something more wonderful than anything her broken heart could have ever imagined.

God had chosen this weak and broken lady to be part of something that would influence people of faith down through eternity. God had chosen to not only give her life, but to declare through her that he is the Resurrection and the Life.

The method of all of this would be an outrageous request, one that I honestly think I would have refused.

THE REQUEST

We meet the widow at the city gates, gathering sticks to make a fire for her funeral meal. A stranger, who we know as Elijah, asks her for a drink of water: “Bring me a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.” (v. 10)

The widow’s response to this first request amazes me. Why? Because she steps out of her own suffering to provide this man she doesn’t know with a drink. Remember: Read the story like you’re there.

Then Elijah takes his request even further. Shockingly, he asks this woman (who has nothing but a little flour and a little oil) to bring some bread with the water. I could imagine the woman screaming, “Bread? Are you crazy?! I’m all by myself, there’s a famine everywhere, and you’re asking me for bread?”

But the widow doesn’t flip out or run away. She responds, “As the Lord your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. And now I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die” (v. 12).

This is when the story turns. Elijah declares, “For thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘The jar of flour shall not be spent, and the jug of oil shall not be empty, until the day that the Lord sends rain upon the earth'” (v. 14). The story concludes with blessing: “And she and he and her household ate for many days” (v. 15).

MAKING A CHOICE

This is one of the many choices of faith that are all over the biblical narrative. Will the widow do what makes sense and keep the oil for herself and her son, or will she entrust the last thing that she has on earth to the care of the Creator of heaven and earth?

This dear widow, at the end of her rope, chose to make the prophet his requested cake. What would you have done? If we’re honest with ourselves, many of us would have kept the ingredients to ourselves. By acting in faith, the widow not only made Elijah a cake, but she made a cake for her and her son, and she was able to make many meals for all of them because the flour and oil didn’t run out.

The blessing of the endless flour is a physical picture that the Giver of Life had invaded her life by his grace. Long before she had eaten his provision, he had chosen her to not only experience life, but to be a instrument of the prophet’s continuing life and ministry.

God often asks us to offer what is left to do with it greater than our little minds could ever imagine.

THE STORY ISN’T OVER

This story would be amazing enough if it stopped at verse 16. But it doesn’t, taking a more dramatic turn than the reader would expect. All of the sudden, the widow’s son is stricken with what seems to be a terminal illness; the physical signs in this passage would tell us that the boy was dying.

Why in the world would God allow this to happen? Does it make any sense to provide endless provisions for the boy’s sustenance, and then allow him to die immediately afterward? Shouldn’t God be rewarding the widow for her act of faithfulness? From a distance, it looks like a rather sick joke.

This isn’t a sick joke; no, it’s a divine calling! What do I mean by that? God has chosen this poor widow and her only son to be included in a a prophecy about the most significant event that would ever happen in history. God has chosen for her to be an actual living witness to death and resurrection.

Through the widow of Zarephath, God would declare himself not only to be the Giver of Life (in terms of making provision for the needs of his children), but as the Giver of Life who could do what no person could ever do—defeat death. What a picture!

The prophet lays himself on the body of the boy, cries out for God to give life to him, and the boy begins to breathe again so the prophet can deliver this son back to his mother. Again, put yourself on the scene of this story. How discouraging, then amazing, then depressing, then incredible must these moments have been for all involved!

OUR STORY

I would guess that most readers of PaulTripp.com have not experienced a famine of this magnitude, nor had a child raised back to life. So how does this story apply to our lives? It’s vital to understand that this moment is not just a story in a book, but a prophetic moment for every child of God.

This moment of the death and life of the widow’s son is a physical prophecy of another only Son who would die and who would rise again. Jesus would die, carrying our sins, but he would not stay dead. No, he would rise out of the tomb conquering sin and death, giving life to all who put their trust in him. The resurrection of the son of the widow is a historical finger pointing to the future resurrection of the Son of Man, the Lord Jesus Christ.

When she went out to pick up sticks for her last meal, the widow of Zarapeth had no idea of the incredible turn her life would take. It would not be her last day because what was lurking over her wasn’t the shadow of death, but the Giver of Life, who would not only give her life, but through her preach life to all who believe.

And it all began with a stranger’s seemingly outrageous request, followed by an act of faithful obedience.

This resource is from Paul Tripp Ministries. For additional resources, visit www.paultripp.com. Used with permission.

The Four Millennial Myths

By
Bianca Olthoff
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communicating with the unchurched

In a crowded room of female leaders, I sat at a table and processed live questions from the audience with a group of amazingly seasoned women a couple of generations older than me.

A woman who was in her 50s leading an NGO asked the panelist a question I’m hearing repeatedly:

How do I deal with this entitled generation? They are spoiled and lazy and I just don’t know how to deal with them. 

As the youngest person on the panel, the moderator turned to me looking for an answer. I breathed deeply and proceeded to share a few thoughts on some Millennial myths.

By definition, I am a Millennial, but I’m literally smack dab in the middle of the gap.

Instead of feeling pulled to different sides, I feel like my age makes me a perfect bridge to dialogue from both sides of the age gap.

So instead of attacking Millennials, I want to address some myths and debunk some claims based on data and statistics (YES, I love research). Before you think I’m raising a pro-Millinnial banner of unrighteousness, slow your roll. I also want to discuss some ways we, as a generation, can mature and stop wound-licking about “bitter old people” who don’t understand us and our love of social media.

Myth #1: Millennials are narcissistic and self-absorbed.

I’ve heard the phrase “entitled generation” a million times.

But where has this stigma come from? In 2010, professor Dr. Keith Ablow went on Fox News and said, “We are raising a generation of deluded narcissists.” From that point on, the narrative has been parroted around the nation that Millennials are entitled, spoiled and narcissist.

But is this issue a generational problem or a cultural problem?

As children, part of our basic vocabulary was the word MINE. Since infancy, humanity has been plagued with selfishness; there is a tendency for us ALL to think of ourselves first. So why label a group and stereotype a generation?

If we take a look at data, Millennials are just cautious and careful with who they are allowing to enter into their lives. Trust is a big component to this generation. 

From the womb, there have been competing media voices telling Millennials who they are, how they should act and what they should buy. Older generation, don’t be surprised or offended when your adult voice is just another voice yelling at them, screaming for respect.

(And for being “self-absorbed” and “thinking of only themselves,” this generation has been more generous than any other generation. The 2015 Millennial Impact Report noted that 84 percent of Millennials made a charitable donation in 2014.)

Myth #2: Millennials and flaky and non-committal.

For a vision-based, idealistic generation like Millennials, this generation is less prone to just showing up like a cog in a wheel and expecting to plug and chug.

They want their work to matter. They want to be part of the big vision.

Why? Because this generation, according to Pew Research, thinks that the best is yet to come (versus the generally pessimistic Baby Boomers who thought their parents’ generation was better than theirs).

When we talk about the non-committal Millennial generation, stop and ask why. When Pew Research asked a sample of Millennials what their priorities were, they said being a good parent, having a successful marriage and helping others in need.

Yes, they are delaying marriage, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are non-committal like many accuse.

(Note: America saw the height of divorce from 1985-1992 when most Millennials were born. It’s NO wonder why kids who saw parents divorce or live in broken relationships have fear about marriage. As slowly as Millennials enter into marriage, they will slowly enter into long-term jobs with employers they TRUST and feel like they can FLOURISH under.)

Myth #3: Millennials are lazy.

This claim is statistically unfounded. According to the U.S. Chamber Foundation, Millennials will be the most educated generation in American history. Research varies, but 35-65 percent of this generation are entrepreneurial and more than 27 percent are self-employed (higher than the previous generation).

Millennials have knowledge and skills that the previous generations didn’t have.

They also have a fast learning curve because they were born during the tech revolution and forced to update, download and export more than their predecessors. It’s less about not wanting to work and more about working a new way.

(In fact, if you don’t utilize the skills, talents and insights of an average Millennial, they will feel undervalued and ignored because their perspective is working in a different paradigm of exploration versus experience.)

Myth #4: Millennials are addicted to technology.

Is it a generation or is it our culture? Research is now showing that 50- and 60-year-olds LOVE talking about this screen obsessed generation, but do you know who’s on social media MORE than Millennials?

You guessed it. Baby Boomers and Gen X surpassed Millennials for phone usage.

My fear for this next generation is that if we continually hear that we are narcissistic, self-absorbed, lazy and entitled, we will actually believe it. 

The common narrative is, “Who are YOU to have an opinion or a dream to be amazing?” But who are we NOT to?

Our American history was one of heroism, where when someone was successful, we celebrated them. But now, when someone is successful, we question the validity or try to discredit them because of their age.

  • “You haven’t sacrificed like I have!”
  • “You don’t know anything because you’re so young!”
  • “You don’t have a track record for me to listen to you!”

But for all the Millennials reading this, I have to keep it real: We need to improve in some areas.

When I was 25 years old, I wish I had someone tell me, “Bianca, you have a lot of potential and I see the way you lead. But I’m also seeing some ways you can improve.” I would’ve LOVED that.

So let me be the one to have an honest conversation about adulting…

Myth #1 is that we are narcissistic and self-absorbed. But I think this misnomer can be remedied by giving honor to those ahead of us. We do a poor job at thanking those who have sacrificed for our ability to be who we are.

Thank your parents, your boss, your manager, your pastor for teaching you whether directly or indirectly. We stand on the shoulder of those who have gone before us, so say it.

(Shout out to my dad for showing me how to love people well, Beyoncé for showing me age ain’t nothing but a number, Christine for raising my excellence level, Beth Moore for showing me what killer teaching is!)

We say thank you and show honor because others have pioneered and paved the road we now walk on.

Myth #2 is that we are flaky and non-committal. You can’t be upset if people are annoyed that you are chronically late. Show up on time, let your yes be yes and your no be no. Stop making excuses and wasting your life on endless episodes on Netflix and Hulu. Grow up and start running the nation. We need you to show up and be present!

Myth #3 is that Millennials are lazy. Here’s the thing. EVERY generation has lazy people!

The choice is yours. Do you want to live in your momma’s basement with her 85 cats or do you want to start making a difference? Don’t be a stereotype, be a standout!

Myth #4 states that Millennials are addicted to social media. But what social media has done has flattened the landscape of power. Technology has blurred the lines between where the Proletariat ends and the Bourgeoisie begins.

When The PRESIDENT of the United States hollers at the rapper Snoop Dogg, the lines have blurred, friends. This platform of social media can be used for good, so use it for good!

I’ve got nothing but love, hope and faith for this next generation. The best is yet to come, but we must demystify the myths of Millennials and act like the people we know God has called us to be. 

This article originally appeared here.

The Number One Lie the World Tells Our Kids Today

By
Cameron Cole
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communicating with the unchurched

An important but challenging task for youth pastors and parents involves helping our children understand the messages of the world. However, given the pluralistic nature of contemporary society, one struggles to identify a cohesive ideology underpinning the values of the world.

The culmination of my best understanding of the ethic of today’s secular world has come from two unexpected sources: The ESPY Awards and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

In July of 2015, the ESPY’s awarded Caitlyn Jenner (formerly known as Bruce Jenner) the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage for her transition from manhood to womanhood.

A few months later, I watched some of the struggles Kris Kardashian Jenner faced as a result of Jenner’s gender transition. She expressed feelings of grief, almost as if her ex-husband had died. As a step in mourning, she and her daughter, Kim, went through old clothes of Jenner’s to remember Bruce, the person who was lost, and to try to embrace Caitlyn, this new person Jenner had become.

In secular terms, here were two conflicting values. In making the change, Jenner was “true to himself” and showed (as ESPN would interpret the events) the courage to “follow his heart.” At the same time, Jenner’s choice had painful consequences for Kris and family, akin to those that one may experience if a spouse ran off with another partner. In this way, Jenner’s choice violated society’s high value for family loyalty.

When ESPN bestowed on Jenner the highest of all their awards, the message was clear: human autonomy and individualism stand above all other virtues in modern society.

The abortion industry and pro-choice movement thrive on these values. Human autonomy and individualism possess such ultimate importance, the termination of human life and the psychological harm done to women are secondary to the point that they barely enter the conversation.

At the risk of oversimplification, I think understanding the nature and danger of elevating human autonomy is a starting place for helping kids understand the modern worldview, which counters Christianity. Underneath the message of so many songs, the moral of so many movies, the principles of so many causes, and the promises of so many political campaigns stands an unequivocal appeal to individualism.

Understanding Human Autonomy and Individualism

We can boil down the morality and ethics of Western society into one cliché: be true to yourself. Out of this somewhat trite platitude unfolds these philosophical tenets:

  1. You belong to yourself. You are the captain of your own ship.
  2. You determine what values, ethics, identity, and spiritual beliefs are right for yourself.
  3. Whatever rules you establish are fine, so long as they do not infringe upon or condemn another person’s human autonomy or inflict violence on another.
  4. You follow those values and beliefs out of your inner strength.
  5. You – and nobody else – judge your success in “being true” to these values.

The John 3:16 of non-believing college students today is “you do you.” For example, one person may not want to engage in random hook-ups, but if that’s what you want to do, “hey, you do you.” Smoking marijuana may not “work “ for one person, but if it works for another, then “you do you.” This cliché functionally affirms and blesses human autonomy.

Beneath these beliefs resides the sovereignty of the individual. In a sense, we are all our own little worlds, coexisting alongside the world of others. We govern our worlds according to our personal tastes and preferences.

Let’s Not Present Autonomy as an “Us Versus Them” Matter

While the modern world celebrates and elevates autonomy, biblical Christianity points to individualism as the seat of all human evil.

The Bible frames all problems in human history through the Fall of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3. What was Adam and Eve’s nefarious deed? Did they murder anyone? Did they detonate a nuclear warhead?

No. They ate an apple.

The sin was not found in the wickedness of the deed itself, but in the essence of the act. Adam and Eve believed the lie of the serpent: you can be like God. In other words, you can be your own god and king. You don’t need God; you can live on your own terms and under your own authority.

The Bible effectively says that all sin, injustice, and destruction throughout time flow out of man’s belief in human autonomy.

As we talk to young people about the messages of the world, a temptation arises to demonize both secular society and non-Christians. Christian leaders would do well to remember that the Bible does not present this as a “them” issue, but as an “us” issue. At the very least, whenever a Christian fails to walk in the Spirit, he or she is trusting in his or her own personal lordship and individualism.

While I will offer more specific and practical direction on how to address this message in the second part of this two-part article, Attacking the Lie of Human Autonomy with Young People, I would start with this general advice.

First, as we see messages and ethics that conflict with scripture, we must show young people how those messages demonstrate a confidence in human autonomy and independence. We can look to commercials, pop songs, movies, and political issues as opportunities to analyze the ideology beneath the message.

Secondly, we must point to biblical commands as God’s way of showing us when we are believing the lie of individual sovereignty. Any sinful act essentially communicates, “I can do life on my own terms. I can be like God.” For example, various forms of sexual sin – from premarital sex, to pornography, to visual lust – communicate that we can have greater confidence in our approach to sexuality than the one God has designated.

Finally, may we proclaim the Gospel of grace as a means of humility and hope. The Gospel reminds us that all people wrestle with wanting to live independently from God. The nature of Christian life involves the cycle of wandering on our own, falling, repenting, and receiving God’s grace as we are restored into right relationship, where God rules as Lord of our lives.

If nothing else, we need to help young people understand that the way of Christ – to follow and trust Jesus as our King – contrasts starkly from the world’s exhortations to trust in your self. Christianity tells us to depend on God in all things.

Cameron Cole is the Chairman of Rooted Ministry which has its annual gospel centered youth ministry conference this year in Dallas, TX (October 26-28, 2017). 

This article originally appeared here at Rooted Ministry.

What an Acts 1:8 Mission Strategy Can Do for Your Church

By
Doug Sarver
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communicating with the unchurched

When it comes to missions, unfortunately, many churches practice without strategy. Even scarier than not having a strategy is not having the right strategy. There are many possible strategies, some healthy and some not. Warren Wiersbe says, “Ministry is not done by imitation but by incarnation” (Philippians 1:6). The best strategy would obviously be a biblical strategy, and I love using Acts 1:8 as ours for Cross Church. It says, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

As a pastor, when you are setting a missions strategy, you should ask yourself, “What is God doing in and through me as pastor, and our church, to fulfill Acts 1:8?”

Here are four things an Acts 1:8 missions strategy can do for your church.

1. Brings focus. Pastor, don’t just throw spiritual darts at a map to select where or what your church will do in missions. It is a key responsibility of the pastor to set missional focus for your church. Use Acts 1:8 to bring that focus. Acts 1:8 does not move on tracks like a train, with whistle stops along the way in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and the ends of the world. It moves like the sweeping hands of a clock, never ending, and with continuous movement. I love the thought that I can connect Jerusalem (local) missions to the ends of the world! Focus on how your missions strategy can connect local missions to the far ends of unreached peoples around the world. Begin reaching the nations in your own back yard to learn about the culture and language etc. Then you will be equipped to travel to their nation more effectively and with great focus.

2. Prioritizes the focus. Start with local missions, then move to regional, national and international. I have said for years, at Cross Church, we will not forsake Northwest Arkansas on the altar of the world when it comes to missions. I believe we earn the right to go abroad. Pastors, let’s make sure we are getting it done in our own communities equal to our efforts abroad. It is a tragic thought to think we have thousands of churches in America that aren’t reaching and baptizing people in their own churches, but will buy plane tickets to go overseas to share the gospel.

3. Empowers the people. Jesus said, “you will be.” When we have a biblical strategy, it actually empowers people to be involved personally in your church’s missional vision. I want to see as many people as possible empowered to bring the gospel to the ends of the earth. When we communicate clear, biblical strategy, it is amazing how many people feel empowered to get personally involved. When our people are empowered missionally, they will begin to live and believe “I am Acts 1:8.”

4. Honors Jesus and the Holy Scripture. “My witnesses.” The emphasis (mine added) on MY. Wow, what a thought. I can be a witness to the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ beginning in my local community, and extending to the ends of the earth. Now, that honors Jesus and His Holy Word. There is nothing that brings more honor to Jesus and His Holy Scripture than when people are led to place their faith in Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior. When we, as believers, practice being a witness for Jesus Christ, we can almost hear a proud Father say, ”They are MY WITNESSES and wow, I am honored!”

Pastor, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I bring focus in my church’s missional strategy?
  • Do I prioritize our church’s missional strategy?
  • Do I empower my church members to fulfill the church’s missional strategy?
  • How much honor is being brought to Jesus and the Holy Scripture through my church’s missional strategy?

I would love to help you or your church in any way I can. Feel free to contact me at dougs@crosschurch.com or 479-751-4523.

Doug Sarver

Minister of Global Missions, Cross Church

This article originally appeared here.

I’m So Angry at God

By
Adam Weber
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communicating with the unchurched

Recently, after speaking at a church, I had a young lady come up to me after the service crying. As a little girl she had experienced the unimaginable: Her dad killed her mom. In front of her. Leaving her and her siblings to be raised by a grandparent.

She came up and asked:

“How can I let go of this anger that I have toward God? How can I learn to trust Him?”

Now, a majority of us have maybe never experienced something to this degree. And yet, bitterness and resentment toward God is something that so many of us can relate to.

Whether it’s:

finding out you have cancer,

going through a divorce,

being hurt by someone,

losing a loved one,

having a rough childhood,

experiencing a miscarriage,

losing a job,

or being single when you’d rather be in a relationship.

It’s easy to let feelings of bitterness, anger and resentment toward God grow inside of us, slowly impacting our relationship with Him. Often people will completely walk away from God, the church and anything connected with Him after going through a trial.

Back to the question though:

“How can I let go of this anger that I have toward God? How can I learn to trust Him?”

#1 Tell God all the things you’re feeling. Unfiltered. Everything.

Whether we’re hurt by a friend or we feel like God has let us down, bottling up our feelings only makes the situation worse. God can handle our questions and raw feelings! Whatever’s inside of us…say it to God! Don’t hesitate to shout either! We can do that? In the Bible, King David did. That’s enough for me. Let God know your hurt, your pain, your doubt, your frustration. God wants to hear what’s within us. He wants us to trust Him with every part of our lives. Don’t hold it in. There’s something powerful that happens when we pour our hearts out before God. In pouring out our hearts, we begin to trust Him more and more. The more we begin to trust Him, the more our hearts begin to (supernaturally) heal from the inside out.

#2 Ask God to show you His faithfulness.

At times it’s easy to see all the places where it appears that God has let us down, while completely forgetting about the countless times He has clearly provided. There are so many things in my life that I take for granted. So many situations where God was clearly at work that I overlooked. How can we learn to trust God? By looking at His previous track record in our lives.

God, please show me all the times you’ve taken care of me.

Lord, make your faithfulness in my life clear.

#3 Believe God can use all things for good.

There are SO MANY things in life I don’t understand. Right now, I could list off tons of people who have experienced things I can’t wrap my head around. But in the same breath, I’m more certain than ever that God is good. He is loving. And even when it doesn’t seem like it, He’s in control.

What if our place of pain becomes our greatest place of passion?

What if the things we’ve walked through can be used to help others walk through similar things?

What if God is shaping and molding us into the people He created us to be?

Letting go of anger toward God may not happen all at once. But each day, hand over your anger to Him. Thankfully we have a patient, kind-hearted God who can carry everything we bring to Him. Even our anger.

This article originally appeared here.

How to Deal With Unhappy Church Volunteers

By
Anthony Coppedge
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communicating with the unchurched

Wanted. Appreciated. Equipped. Loved. Valued. When you polled your volunteers last (you are polling them, right?), these were some of the reasons why your volunteers are happy.

We know these truths, yet the demands of ministry and the fact that Sunday comes every seven days can place the burden to facilitate, organize, train and schedule our volunteers squarely on our shoulders. It can be overwhelming to try to manage, not to mention trying to help volunteers find their best fit.

How awesome would it be if you already knew each volunteer’s best fit—before they ever started volunteering? That’s exactly the goal behind MAP Coaching at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX—my home church!

MAP Coaching

At Gateway Church where I volunteer, there’s a process in place for helping anyone who wants to volunteer to find out where they’re best gifted to serve. The process begins with sessions, where new attendees learn about the DNA, mission and vision of  the church. At the end of these informative sessions, attendees can choose to take their DISC profile, Spiritual Gifts assessment and even the Strengths Finder assessment. The combination of these profiles provides Gateway with a strong baseline understanding of their top five natural strengths, their personality traits and their top spiritual gifts.

That’s where we come in. As MAP coaches (Ministry Activation Program), we help activate Gateway members in service for God’s Kingdom via each individual’s God-given fingerprint to serve. Any volunteer candidate that desires to meet with a MAP coach receives communication from their assigned coach to schedule a time to meet before or after weekend services. Armed with ‘discovery questions,’ the MAP coach helps the volunteer candidate find opportunities of service that fit their gifts, personality and strengths.

I’ve seen first-hand what this feels like from a volunteer’s perspective and now I get to help new volunteer candidates learn how God has uniquely gifted them for their sweet spot of service!

Additional Thoughts

While I’m a huge fan of the MAP coaching process, I also know that there are some other details that are worth sharing with church staff already feeling the pinch on volunteer satisfaction. As with any good process, this one is led well, equips the coaches with training and utilizes existing tools to help streamline the workflow. As a volunteer, I’m not directly touching the church membership database (Gateway uses Fellowship One), but I am logging into the volunteer side of things where I can see who is assigned to me, capture notes from conversations and communicate in the database to the staff about each volunteer candidate. I don’t have access to look at the database, but by giving us volunteers a secure and streamlined workflow for sharing results with the staff, we handle some of the administrative workload in keeping up with hundreds of candidates.

The structure in place at Gateway Church is similar to other churches I’ve worked with that leverage a centralized database: They keep the information updated and control how much access and visibility a volunteer has to each candidate. The key here is that a simplified process allows the workload to be spread far beyond any one database person. This vastly increases responsiveness and reduces an otherwise potentially onerous bottleneck.

The other big fact here is that Gateway Church puts a lot of value and emphasis on volunteers. This is the culture and DNA of Gateway; volunteerism is high because people typically get to serve where they’re naturally gifted. Because of this culture, programs like the MAP coaching model are given plenty of room to succeed. Still, everything is a work in progress (permission to fail while trying is okay) and we’re still learning as we go. We’re rolling out MAP coaching to an ever-increasing pool of volunteers across multiple campuses and learning as we go.

As a volunteer in this organization, I’ve enjoyed seeing just how much has been accomplished with strong leadership, a clear vision and an abundance of grace. That’s why I wanted to share this with my friends at churches everywhere!

This article originally appeared here.

How to Increase the Spiritual Return on a Sermon

By
Charles Stone
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communicating with the unchurched

Every Sunday something happens over 400,000 times in North America: A pastor preaches a sermon. Have you ever wondered, though, how much impact sermons really make? Consider these shocking statistics.

If an average sermon lasts about 30 minutes and if roughly 56 million people attend on an average Sunday, then church attenders in North America’s churches spend this amount of time listening to our sermons each week.

  • 23,000,000 man hours
  • which equals 958,000 days
  • which equals 136,904 weeks
  • which equals 2,632 years

And if the average pastor spends 10 hours preparing a sermon, all together pastors will spend the following amount of time in weekly sermon prep.

  • 4,000,000 man hours
  • which equals 166,666 days
  • which equals 23,800 weeks
  • which equals 457 years

Adding it all together, each week sermons gobble up three centuries of man-hours. If you multiply that over a year’s time…well, you do the math.

When I calculated this number, it boggled my mind. That statistic then begged this question.

What spiritual return is our preaching giving us?

I know we can’t measure the eternal impact from our sermons. However, the amount of time we invest in them and the time people invest in listening to them should cause us to pause and evaluate.

Take a few moments and consider these 10 questions. As you read them ask yourself if you should make some changes to maximize your sermons’ spiritual impact.

  1. Do I spend sufficient time preparing my heart to preach (i.e.: spiritual disciplines, stillness, character development)?
  2. Do I spend sufficient time with people to understand the issues they face that need a word from God?
  3. Am I being true to what the biblical writers intended when I preach?
  4. Am I willing to get honest feedback from people who can help me improve my preaching?
  5. Do I make my preaching more about Him and less about me and what others may think about my preaching?
  6. What am I doing to improve my study and presentation skills?
  7. Am I willing to preach on unpopular subjects about which the Scripture speaks?
  8. Do I spend sufficient time thinking about ways that could maximize the listener’s attention to increase their retention of my sermons?
  9. Do I always tie my sermons to the overarching redemptive theme of the Gospel?
  10. Do I approach preaching as a hallowed trust?

Perhaps the venerable Haddon Robinson captured the essence of good preaching when he wrote this in his excellent book, Biblical Preaching.

When you get right down to it, preaching is like farming. I often say, “Lord, here I am. As far as I can tell, I’ve tried to fill my sack with good seed. I’ve done my homework, I think my attitude is right, and it’s the best, most interesting seed I’ve got. I’m going to scatter it now, Lord. So here goes. We’ll see what comes up in the field.” Then, once I’ve sown the seed, I do what farmers do: I go home and rest.

What questions would you add to this list?

This article originally appeared here.

The Gospel of Luke: Jesus Preaches and Exemplifies a Radical Way of Life

By
Megan Briggs
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communicating with the unchurched

The first three gospels of the New Testament are what theologians call the “synoptic gospels” because each human author provides an account of the life and words of Jesus. These accounts generally cover the same timeline although the authors write within their distinctive personalities and life experiences. Luke, whom scholars believe was a physician, wrote his gospel with attention to detail and an emphasis on Christ as healer. In the following video, the folks at the Gospel Project provide an overview of chapters 3 through 9 of Luke’s gospel.

The Bible Project offers a simple but rich teaching on the ministry of Jesus and its various connecting points to Israel’s ancient history. The beauty of this method shows the viewer how Luke’s specific gospel fits into the entirety of the biblical story. Watch the video to get answers to these compelling questions:

-What is significant about Jesus getting baptized?

-What did a voice from heaven say to Jesus during His baptism and why?

-Was God just toying with Jesus when the Spirit sent Jesus into the desert to be tempted?

-Did Jesus just pick a random text from the Torah when He preached in the synagogue?

-Why did Jesus initially pick 12 disciples and why them?

-Is the message of Jesus simply about morals or something deeper?

-Jesus was bathed in bright light hanging out with Moses and Elijah. What gives?

Enjoy this visual journey surrounding the most beautiful being in existence!

Rick Warren: How to Last in Ministry

By
Rick Warren
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communicating with the unchurched

Ministry is a marathon: It’s not how you start in ministry; it’s how you finish.

If you look at 2 Corinthians 4:1-18, Paul gives seven suggestions for finishing the race:

Remember God’s mercy (v. 1): God has given us our ministries. We don’t have to prove our worth through our ministry, and we don’t have to wallow in our mistakes. You don’t have to earn your place as a pastor or leader in the church.

Be truthful and honest in all you do (v. 2): Maintain your integrity because integrity produces power in your life, while guilt zaps your energy. You need to finish with your character intact. Your integrity includes how you handle the Word of God. Don’t distort it or make it confusing.

Be motivated to work for Jesus’ sake, not out of selfish desires (v. 5): We need a right motivation. A lot of guys start off as servants and end up celebrities. You need to learn to live your life for an audience of one, and that one is Jesus Christ.

Realize that Christians are only human (v. 7): We must accept our limitations, and the quickest way to burn out is to try to be Superman. Humility is being honest about your weaknesses.

Develop a true love for others (v. 15): Churches thrive, grow and survive when love endures. You must love people or you won’t last in the ministry.

Allow time for inward rejuvenation (v. 16): I have a motto: Divert daily, withdraw weekly and abandon annually. You need to take time for recharging. In the Air Force, they’ve mastered the art of mid-flight refueling. You can, too—you don’t have to land every time you need to refuel.

Stay focused on the important things, not distracted by momentary troubles (v. 17-18): Keep your eyes on the goal, not the problem. Only he who sees the invisible can accomplish the impossible. To be a winner in the marathon of ministerial service, Christians need to realize great people are just ordinary people with an extraordinary amount of determination. If we run from problems, we’ll never be able to become what God wants us to become.

The world needs you to last in ministry! God wired you and called you to the task, and you can do it in his power and under his grace.

This article originally appeared here.

3 Steps You Can Take TODAY to Build a Healthier Groups Ministry

By
Ben Reed
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communicating with the unchurched
We just had the Purpose Driven Church Conference at Saddleback. There were thousands of pastors that came to learn and grow. I was talking with one whose question was really good.
How can we possibly make sure groups don’t go crazy? I mean, we have so many scattered all over the place. We don’t want them going off the rails theologically or practically. Is that possible?
The answer to that is so easy. Yet the answer is also the most difficult answer in groups.
You can’t.
However, you can build the infrastructure in such a way that gives support, care and guardrails to leaders and groups that helps direct them toward the end in mind. But at the end of the day, you can never guarantee perfection. Here’s a Saddleback-ism you can take to the bank:
You can structure for control, or you can structure for growth. But you can’t structure for both at the same time.
If you want control, you can have it. But it comes at the expense of growth.
If you want growth, you can have it. But it comes at the expense of control.
So at the end of the day, there’s no way to guarantee a group won’t go crazy. We’re dealing with humans after all, not robots. There’s no way you can see every email, hear every phone call and be a part of every discussion that’s happening in your groups. It’s just not possible. And the more you squeeze, the more you’ll (likely) see people want to rebel against that. Want to know how I know that?
Because that’s what I’d do!
While you can’t guarantee it, here are some steps you can take to lead and guide groups toward health.
  1. Know your end in mind. For us at Saddleback, that’s a healthy group that balances the five purposes (fellowship, discipleship, ministry, evangelism and worship) in the life of the group and each individual. Define that with crystal clarity. And know that groups don’t naturally drift that direction, so…
  2. Engage leaders’ minds. We call this the cognitive guardrail. This includes training, your curriculum pathway and other tools you might need. We can’t obey what we don’t know, so give leaders truth(s) they can wrap their minds around. But knowing is only half the battle (thank you GI Joe), so…
  3. Engage their hearts. We call this the infrastructure guardrail. Just because I know something doesn’t mean I obey it. Walking alongside group leaders is crucial, so we link them up with Community Leaders: volunteer leaders that shepherd groups. We’ve found that in nearly every group, there is a “theological police.” Someone is bothered as the truth of Scripture doesn’t match the truth that’s being discussed. And theological police are good at sounding the sirens. We in leadership just want to make sure we’re there to hear the sirens and lovingly, graciously act.
  4. Repeat. Every system drifts toward what’s comfortable, not what’s best. The role of leadership then becomes helping groups take intentional steps toward health.
Which of these do you need to do the most work on?
This article originally appeared here.

5 Consequences Leaders Face for Not Resting

By
Eric Geiger
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communicating with the unchurched

A trick many employ in a job interview when asked, “What is your biggest weakness?” is to give a weakness that many don’t view as a weakness, such as “I am so driven that sometimes I fail to stop working” or “I own my responsibilities so much that sometimes I can’t let go.”

The person who gives those answers typically thinks they are exposing a weakness that is actually a strength, but wise leaders know better. Wise leaders don’t affirm people who brag about being workaholics or brag about never resting. Wise leaders know that a leader who fails to rest is a leader who fails to lead effectively. If you don’t rest, you won’t lead effectively. If you don’t lead your team to rest, they won’t lead as effectively as they can. Here are five consequences for not resting. They apply to you and those you lead.

1. Unwise decisions

When leaders are fatigued, their decision-making is impacted. In irritation they can make rushed decisions, or in exhaustion they can be paralyzed.

2. Diminished productivity

Working more and more hours does not necessarily mean adding more value or being more effective. Often productivity is diminished.

3. Poor health

Not resting eventually results in poor health. God created us to require rest and sleep, which reminds us that we are not Him. Only the Lord can rule and shepherd without sleep or slumber. A leader who pushes through fatigue will eventually be sidelined and the work will suffer much more than if the leader had rested along the way.

4. Calloused heart

In Psalm 46:10, the Lord commands His people, “Stop your fighting, and know that I am God.” When we stop fighting, stop working and are still before Him, we realize that He alone is God. When we fail to rest, our hearts grow calloused toward Him and toward people.

5. Misplaced identity

When we work continually, we are much more likely to find our identity in what we do. And leaders who find their identity in their leadership are not the best leaders. They hold too tightly to roles that are temporary in nature and they fail to develop others for the future.

Struggling to rest is a weakness, and one that we should recognize in our lives and help those we lead recognize in theirs. We shouldn’t use it as a badge of honor, and we should not claim it as a weakness that is actually a veiled strength. It is not.

This article originally appeared here.

Becoming a Minimalist Pastor

By
Brian Jones
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communicating with the unchurched

We would all agree that the worst possible rut to ever be in as a pastor is living in a perpetual state of distraction, overwhelm and superficiality.

Yet, if someone were to ask us how we’re doing, we’d be lying if we didn’t say that’s how we spend the majority of our week. We race from one “oh that’s good enough” partially finished task to the next.

In his book The Contemplative Pastor, Eugene Peterson said there’s a reason he throws away any mail he receives that is addressed to the “busy pastor.” Not that that doesn’t describe us at times, for it surely does, but because, as Peterson says, “I refuse to give my attention to someone who encourages what is worst in me.”

Why Become a Minimalist Pastor?

Jesus had a center from which he operated that was perfectly still, unmarred by the waves around him. He knew what he was called to do, made decisions accordingly, then acted to the best of his ability and never felt rushed.

Jesus is our model, not that guy on the stage at the last conference we attended. That guy—you know the one—the guy who built that super massive church in under three months flat and is on the covers of all the magazines in church world.

Let me let you in on a little secret: That guy is miserable. Trust me. I rub shoulders with these guys and they’re not what they appear.

That guy—the high-rising celebrity—has won the battle and lost the war.

That guy is not someone you want to be like, no matter how big his church gets, how many book contracts he signs, or how cute/special/endearing/meaningful his Instagram feed (that his assistant runs) appears.

Here’s the thing—the problem is not that guy. We know that guy is a mess.

The problem is us.

Your Life Doesn’t Have to Be Chaotic

If we’re perfectly honest, we are that guy, just without the sizzle.

Deep down we want to switch seats with that guy—to be where the action is and growth is happening. And who wouldn’t?

Here we are in our boring, flatlined, stale church that’s going nowhere in the town that we hate, so we pay money to hear guys like this implicitly tell us how we can be like them.

The mistake we make is thinking that that kind of frenetic lifestyle is what is demanded to create Kingdom growth.

I’m telling you it’s not, at least not the kind of sustainable growth that helps people who are legitimately far from God grow into self-feeding and reproducing disciples of Jesus.

That kind of growth takes a different kind of pastor altogether.

That kind of growth demands an uncluttered one. One that is free from distraction.

That kind of pastor is never busy.

That kind of pastor has time.

That kind of pastor doesn’t feel rushed.

That’s because that kind of pastor has embraced the spiritual concept of minimalism.

From Clutter to Centeredness

Our physical surroundings are simply a manifestation of the decisions we make and the processes we allow to occur around us.

Crammed calendars, overstuffed bookshelves, credit cards with balances, random files stored everywhere on our laptops—it all comes from one place—our conscious choice.

We’ve chosen to live this way.

In his book Confessions, Augustine said, “The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder.”

In other words, our disordered minds create disorder around us, and that disorder manifests itself in the very things that end up imprisoning us—both spiritually and physically.

If our heads have been allowed to function for too long in a dizzying mess of randomness and shallowness, then pretty soon our physical surroundings will begin to reflect the disordered states of our minds.

Centered pastors do not have cluttered desks.

Centered pastors do not have overbooked calendars with zero white space for contemplation.

Centered pastors do not feel the need to say yes to every opportunity.

Centered pastors do not finish their sermons at the end of the week.

Minimalism in Action

I have dedicated the next two years of my life to systematically minimalizing every aspect of my life and ministry.

What do I mean by minimalism?

Minimalism is consciously stripping away the extraneous things in my life to make room for God’s best for me, my family and church.

I’m decluttering, divesting, leaving, giving away, selling and saying no to countless things in my life right now, all in the attempt to make room for God’s best.

I’m only about a one-tenth of the way into my journey with this, but here are some of the things I have minimalized so far:

Daily Priorities

Ten years ago, if you asked me what I did, I would have pulled out a long sheet of paper highlighting my priorities and goals, blah blah blah.

Today if you ask me what I do I can actually tell you. I don’t need a piece of paper to help you understand my complex, convoluted thought process.

I get up and write, then I work out, then I pray. Then I do one or two tasks at my desk, then I meet with staff and leaders, then I coach. Then I spend time with my family, read and go to bed.

That’s what I do every day.

Weight

In the fall of 2015, I hired a trainer and a dietician and slowly stripped away the extra 47 pounds I was carrying. I sleep better and have tripled my energy. My disordered body was simply a reflection of my disordered mind.

Meetings

I went from countless standing meetings in my calendar, as well as the seemingly endless impromptu meetings I would randomly schedule every week, to just three. No meetings on Mondays. If what God has called me to do can’t be done in those three meetings, then what I feel pressured to do isn’t from God. My staff knows if I catch wind of carelessly thrown-together meetings they will hear me say loud and clear, “Plan better. Use the existing meetings you already have in place. This is an endurance race, not a sprint.”

Books

This past Wednesday I held a “book party” at my house and gave away my entire library except for three commentaries for each Bible book and my collection of spiritual classics. That. Was. Painful.

Desk Space

I purchased a standing-sitting Varidesk and love it, and nothing but the bare minimum exists in my workspace area.

Unplugged Wires

Nothing remains in an electrical socket overnight unless it is absolutely needed. Not only is this a draw on electricity, wasting precious resources, but it is a sign of disorder. Waste is always the first sign of disorder.

Screens

I eliminated every unused app that had been sitting on my iPhone and have condensed everything so that it fits on one screen on just three lines (no swiping to the right or left to find things). On my iPad, I have eliminated every app (including email, messages, etc.) except for YouTube and Netflix. I use my iPad for viewing programs while I work out on the elliptical and nothing else, so why have the distraction?

Sermon Writing

I used to brag about how much time I spent on my sermons. What a blowhard. Now my sermons are done by noon on Monday, and they are the highest-quality messages I’ve ever preached in my life.

Social Media

I have no social media apps on my cell phone. Enough said.

Computer Files

I have moved all my files on my laptop to Dropbox so I can share them between all my devices, as well as share certain files with my co-workers. Doing this has dramatically decreased time spent locating and sharing files. For instance, everyone involved in planning services can access my sermon real-time in Dropbox. They can follow its progress and know where to access it later for slides, etc.

File Organization

Not only have I streamlined the location of my files to Dropbox, but I’ve begun purging the endless number of files I’ve accumulated over the years. I’m moving important ones to an external hard drive.

My Car

I’ve removed everything except the bare minimum in my car’s glove box, center console and trunk space.

Nightstand

Nothing but a Bible and my Kindle sits next to my bed.

Wardrobe

I donated almost my entire wardrobe to Goodwill and now have a streamlined closest. No more bulging drawers. I purchased quality hangers that allow me to clip my pants and hang them without wrinkling. I own three pairs of dress pants for church and an assortment of high-quality shirts that will last. I got rid of the bazillion unmatched socks I had in my drawer and reduced my workout shorts to seven pairs of shorts and shirts to work out in each week. Every piece of clothing has a purpose and makes me happy when I wear it. If I don’t like it and look good wearing it, it’s gone.

Church Office

Ten years ago, if you walked into my church office, you would have been greeted by a ring of bookshelves, floor to ceiling, that walled the perimeter of the room.

Now when you walk into my office, 80 percent of the room is taken up by five big lounge chairs and a coffee table in the middle. Why? Because that’s what I value.

There are lots of other things that are on my to-do list to attend to, but these are a few of the highlights so far.

The Benefits of Pursuing Minimalism

I’ve only just begun the process of minimalizing my life and consciously stripping away the extraneous things to make room for God’s best for me, my family and church, but the process of decluttering and divesting myself has been transformative.

First off I have white space in my weekly calendar to live a deep life. I have time for prayer. I have time to read. I have time to evangelize leaders in my community. I have emotional space in my week to reflect and live in a centeredness that allows me to spring into action and attack problems when needed. The difference between where I am now, and the place where I used to lead from, is intentionality. I am not responding to problems as much as I am thinking of steps to take before problems can occur.

Second, my physical surroundings are slowly beginning to take on the characteristics of my inner world. Rooms, closets, desks, drawers and files are becoming clear. It’s clear why I have them. Everything serves a purpose and is of high quality, whether it is a future sermon illustration or a shirt.

Questions to Ask as You Minimalize

Here are some questions that I’m finding helpful as I strip away the extraneous things in my life to make room for God’s best:

Do I Have Two of These?

I’ve been haunted as of late by Dorothy Day’s comment that, “If you have two coats, one of them belongs to the poor.”

I’m looking at where we have two of everything. Do we really need two large ladles when one will do? Why three large bowls when one will do? Do I need that extra coat when a homeless person in downtown Philadelphia could be wearing it right now?

Does This Have a Purpose?

Minimalizing my life, for me, is not about getting rid of stuff for the sake of getting rid of stuff. For me, it is about getting rid of the stuff that creates noise, clutter and undue expense.

So I’m constantly asking myself, “Why do I own this? Do I need it? Did I simply buy this on impulse? Would selling it or giving it away create much-needed space in my life?”

Anything that doesn’t have a specific purpose is dead weight. Leave it behind.

Does This Bring Me Joy?

I want more joy in my life, and the funny thing is as I’ve gone from room to room, file to file, drawer to drawer, I’ve paid closer attention to what makes me joyful.

Many of the things I thought would bring me joy, upon closer examination, do not.

For instance, expensive meals do not bring me joy, but the adventure of finding obscure and unique restaurants around Philadelphia does.

Junk in my basement and garage (not surprisingly) does not bring me joy. That’s gotta go.

Debt does not bring me joy. Gotta go. Every penny of it.

Three hours of TV does not bring me joy, but one hour spent on a great show I love does.

Saying yes to everyone who asks to meet with me does not bring me joy. Getting people the help they need, does.

The Path Forward

I don’t know what journey you’re on right now, but I would love for you to join me in this pursuit of minimalism.

What could happen in your life, your family and church if you consciously stripped away the extraneous to make room for God’s best?

Just imagine what your life could be like.

More is not better.

Better is better.

This article originally appeared here.

7 Ways Leaders Can Navigate the Pain of Rejection

By
Charles Stone
-
communicating with the unchurched

Rejection. The sound of the word itself even sounds ominous. If you’ve been a pastor or church leader for any length of time, chances are you’ve felt the dagger of rejection. It may have come intentionally through a serious conflict with a leader who didn’t like or support you. It may have come more subtly when someone quietly leaves your church and the scuttlebutt was that they left because they “weren’t getting fed.” The source doesn’t matter. It still hurts. When it inevitably does come, what can we do? In this post I suggest seven ways to navigate the pain of rejection.

How Leaders Can Navigate the Pain of Rejection…

1. Recognize that you’ve not sinned because you feel hurt. Our brain registers physical pain primarily in two areas of the brain: the insula, which lies deep in our brain, and the anterior cingulate cortex, which lies between our brain’s thinking center and our emotional center. And guess what? Social pain such as rejection registers in the same places. So, rejection actually physically hurts. It’s an automatic response to rejection that God wired into our bodies. So, the bad feelings you experience from rejection don’t mean you’re a weak leader or a sinful person.

2. When rejected, admit the pain you feel. Don’t ignore or stuff your emotions. The phrase “Grown men don’t cry” implies that a guy should not allow himself to show his ‘soft’ emotions. The problem is, it’s self-defeating. When we stuff or suppress our emotions, it actually makes our painful emotions more intense internally. However, it’s scientifically proven that when we name our painful emotions, we actually lessen their intensity.

3. Journal your feelings. Many counselors recommend something called ‘writing therapy,’ a fancy term for journaling. When we feel rejected, journaling our painful feelings can take the sting out of them. Akin to writing therapy is something called ‘talk therapy.’ Again, it’s a fancy term for sharing you pain with others. It’s helpful to find a safe friend to process your feelings with when rejected. In this post I share several qualities to look for in a safe friend.

4. Refuse to base your identity on your ability to make 100 percent of the people happy 100 percent of the time. A temptation every ministry leader faces is to keep people happy 100 percent of the time. Trying to do that will kill you. We certainly don’t want to intentionally make people mad. But some people will never be pleased, no matter what you do. Jesus, the perfect leader, didn’t please everyone. In fact, John records this uber rejection of Jesus. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him (John 6.66, NIV).

5. Don’t magnify the pain by rejecting the rejector in return. It’s tempting to cut your rejectors off by rejecting them. When we do, we only exacerbate our pain. I once had a guy who did his best to convince the board that I was not the right pastor for the church. The board fully backed me. He left. A few months later I saw him in a store and had a choice. Would I walk down another aisle to avoid him, or would I walk toward him and try to shake his hand? I made the latter choice. I walked over, reached out my hand and said, “Hi.” He glared at me and walked by without shaking my hand. Poor guy. He was a bitter dude. In such cases, apply the words Peter gave us about Jesus’ response to rejection. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly (I Pt 2.23, NIV).

6. Step back to keep or regain perspective. When rejection stings, our perspective can quickly become cloudy. We can easily extrapolate the rejection in our minds and assume that many other people feel the same way or will do the same thing (i.e., I wonder who else is leaving the church?). Remember, a rejection by one person is…rejection by one person. Such rejection seldom reflects the viewpoints of others. So, guard against the proverbial “blowing things out of proportion.”

7. If it’s a serious rejection, get professional help. Sometimes rejection is such a deep blow that we can’t navigate it on our own with a good cry or coffee with a friend. You may need professional help. Losing a job, losing a vote of confidence from your board, or significant numbers of people leaving your ministry probably qualify as significant rejections. Don’t feel ashamed to seek professional help. If you break an arm, you’ll see a doctor. If your heart gets broken, find a wise counselor to help bring healing.

Sometimes we’d rather experience physical pain that social pain, for good reason. Our brains are wired to recall the emotional pain of past rejection, but not past physical pain. So, rejection potentially carries a long lasting impact on our souls. Don’t take it lightly. Deal with it sooner that later.

What has helped you deal with rejection in ministry?

This article originally appeared here.

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