Or, maybe they do.

• I’m a pastor and an introvert.
• I get energy from being alone.
• Being with people for long periods of time drains me, although I  have strong people skills.
• I love to read.
• I go on silent retreats.
• After church every Sunday I need to spend time without high people interaction.
• Did I say I am an introvert?

Am I automatically disadvantaged as a pastor?

Do only the gregarious, back slapping pastors lead big churches?

Some years ago I learned that my introversion offended a church leader where I once served. We held an overnight leadership retreat at a local retreat center. After the last session ended around nine, we provided snacks and games. At about 10, I went to bed as was my habit. Most of the other leaders stayed up past midnight. Had I stayed up with them, I would have been toast for the sessions to follow the next morning.

I learned months later that my leaving the group to go to bed offended him. He brought it up more than once. He was an extrovert and did not like me yielding to my introversion.

Should I have stayed up to “work the crowd”? Perhaps. But that incident illustrates the challenges introverts often face when they serve in ministry.

As I’ve pondered this issue more deeply, I read the book Quiet, the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, a great read. As an introvert, Susan presents a compelling case for the the power of introverts. If you are an introvert, you will feel affirmed if you read it.

Here’s a good article on introverts here.

If you are an introvert, what challenges have you experienced in ministry?

Recently I was pursuing an opportunity that I was really excited about. Not only was it something that I would enjoy, but also it would enable me to be closer to my family and be helpful to the future of The 4Sight Group. I started out cautiously optimistic, and with each step it seemed that this opportunity was going to become a reality. But then a major roadblock emerged unexpectedly and this idea I was pursuing was completely dead.

Done. Over.

I found myself limited by a circumstance beyond my control…resulting, I should mention, in a full-out tantrum. I was so frustrated!

I hate limits. I pride myself in being someone who gets things done. Someone who can overcome any obstacle and make miracles happen. (Think Olivia Pope minus the Scandal!)

I’m energized by possibilities. I’m inspired by ideas.

To a degree, this comes with the territory of a leader. Leaders inspire with hope. We see possibility. We keep people tethered to the vision. We’re the bridge between reality and possibility. We chart the way forward.

That’s why limits are so difficult for us to accept. We’re conditioned to see beyond limits.

But I do believe that limits have a purpose, and a wise leader will pay attention to the limiting factors he or she faces.

THREE GOOD REASONS TO HEED LIMITS

1) Not all possibilities are good. Not all ideas are sound.

Caught up in the thrill of momentum we can begin to believe that every idea will work and that no possibility is bad. We begin to believe we’re invincible and we keep plowing forward as if we are.

Limits, if we pay attention to them, can help us slow down to evaluate and discern what is essential and necessary for this moment or season.

Pay attention if you hear yourself or your team say, “Don’t worry…it will all work out”. There is a difference between faith and foolishness. Discernment is essential.

2) Ignoring limits hurts you and those you lead.

By the nature of our driven-ness, we are not comfortable with complacency. When we have not learned to manage our sense of urgency, we put the proverbial pedal to the metal and go all out.

When we do this, we leave disaster in our wake. Our health suffers. Our family suffers. Our teams and their families suffer. Every circle of our influence is impacted when we don’t recognize and respect limits.

Understanding what drives and motivates us as leaders is imperative because when we abuse limits we hurt others and ourselves.

3) Limits give us perspective.

When we are moving too fast, we don’t have time to observe the landscape and take note of what is around us. In a way, we have tunnel vision and we can miss other concerns that may need to be considered.

When we are limited by something—time, resources or some other unexpected roadblock—it forces us to pull out for a wider view. What are we missing? Is there another way? Do we need to slow down or go another route?

Used intentionally limits may provide perspective that helps us see another way forward.

As one wise mentor once said to me, “There are 9 other numbers between 0 and 10”—meaning my leadership doesn’t have to be all or nothing. When we recognize limits we become more keenly aware of the pace we need to lead.

Extraordinary leaders learn and appreciate the value of limits.

I’m finding myself praying this prayer from Ruth Haley Barton’s book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership:

“God, help us live within the limits of what you have called us to do. Help us live within the limits of who we are—both as individuals and as an organization. Help us give our very best in the field that we have been given to work and to trust you to enlarge our sphere of action if and when you know we are ready. Help us know the difference between being driven by grandiose visions and responding faithfully to the expansion of your work in and through us.”

Recently on a beautiful drive Sherry and I were comparing notes on what makes a healthy ministry volunteer culture. (Some couples talk about vacations, some about retirement, we brainstorm ministry ideas; that’s just how we roll.) Working with ministries around the world the one question we hear more than any other is, “How do you find good volunteers?” Almost every church is desperate to find more children’s workers, parking lot attendants, ushers, small group leaders and dozens of other volunteer positions. As we drove through the beauty of the Rocky Mountains in early spring we agreed on two basics:

Most churches can’t find enough volunteers because they recruit to the wrong thing.

Having an abundance of volunteers is driven by a healthy volunteer culture.

Let’s look first at recruiting. Whether they intend to or not almost every church appeals to need. The church NEEDS volunteers. We need people to watch children, to hand out bulletins, to count the offering, to lead small groups, to play in the band. We can’t do what we do without volunteers. Imagine what church would be if we didn’t have volunteers; we’d have to shut down programs and change how we do church. We appeal to people’s sense of duty, or to their guilt. We parade the needs of others in front of members hoping they will feel the need to step up to the plate. We remind the congregation that only 20 percent of the people do 80 percent of the work of the church.

As it turns out, recruiting to need is effective with about 20 percent of the people who attend your church. If you are really effective, you may get to 25 percent. The challenge is we are inundated with needs every day. We drive past people with cardboard signs describing their needs. We are challenged at the grocery checkout line to donate to needy children. On TV Sarah McLachlan shows us pictures of sad animals, pleads with us to meet their needs as she sings “In the Arms of the Angels” (I’m not sure who’s in the angels’ arms, but it seems very sad). There are only so many needs we can care about, much less meet, so we draw the line somewhere. For most people the needs at church are low on the list of things they care about enough to help fill, so the appeal to need falls on deaf ears.

If your church or ministry is struggling to find enough volunteers, are you trying to recruit by appealing to need? In the word of the great theologian Dr. Phil, “How’s that working out for you?” The alternative to recruit to need is to build a healthy volunteer culture. It is slower and harder, but is really the only path to accomplishing God’s mission through your ministry. Tomorrow we’ll look at the three crucial building blocks of a healthy volunteer culture.

“Judge not, lest ye be judged.” —Jesus (Matthew 7:1)

“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” —Jesus (John 7:24)

“Judge not.” —Everyone else and their third cousin

There is perhaps no more oft used biblical verse—and nearly always used wrongly—than Matthew 7:1.

Second Chronicles 7:14? A contender, but no. Jeremiah 29:11? Nope. They are used wrongly by Christians often, but Matthew 7:1 is misused by believers and nonbelievers alike. Repeatedly. As in, all the time.

It is sometimes shortened to “Judge not,” as if that clears things up. It’s a meme for theological fragmentation. We have pieced together from theology garments so threadbare “judge not” leaves us shivering.

If “one verse in Leviticus” is used by believers to bludgeon unbelievers, “judge not” is the dagger used on the unwitting by unbelievers and believers alike.

Here are a few things to remember when confronted with this verse or a fragment thereof:

Identifying sin is not reserved for sinless people. If it was, Jesus would not have commanded us to judge; no, not ever. Jesus expects His followers to recognize sin, warn people to avoid it and avoid it ourselves.

This means the “Who am I to judge?” canard is without scriptural merit. Often followers of Jesus use this as an excuse to not deal with our own sin, but this will not wash. Yes, “I sin, too,” but that realization should lead to confession and repentance, rather than be a barrier to helping others.

Not judging can cut both ways. When a person says “judge not” they often are: 1) making a judgment themselves, 2) concluding that you have judged wrongly, and 3) ignored the possibility their own admonition could be erroneous. Such judgments hold little weight. When “judge not” becomes an excuse to continue in sin the scripture is stripped of efficacy.

Jesus commands us to judge rightly. There is a biblical standard by which all motives and actions are judged. No human can infallibly determine the motives of another. Judging motives is dangerous business and should be left to God. Making a judgment that stealing, murder, adultery, taking God’s name in vain, lying and the like are wrong, however, is rightly judging. Jesus commands rather than forbids righteous judgment.

Jay Sanders notes the context of “Judge not lest ye be judged”: Jesus is forbidding the self-righteous variety of judging. This is the real crux of the problem: duplicity. As often as revealing another’s sin, judging may reveal our own hypocrisy. When I attempt to point out the sin of another while committing sin myself (the mote and the beam), I am a hypocrite. It doesn’t mean the judgment is wrong in itself; it does mean I stand to be condemned for my own sin.

In John 5:30 Jesus explains a basis for judging rightly, “My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me” (NKJV, emphasis mine). My gut-check is whether my will aligns with the Father’s will.

“Fruit inspecting” is a form of judging. A less well-known New Testament verse is, “You will know them by their fruits.” In other words, you can determine whether a person is an authentic follower of Jesus by watching how they live. For Jesus, a person’s actions revealed truth more than their words. Judging is not commanded in this verse, but it is implied, and clearly so. Scripture as the basis of inspecting the fruit is also implied. Wisdom dictates fruit inspecting should be done with care so as not to bruise the apples.

Followers of Jesus should not be scared off by the crowd squawking “judge not” like a pandemonium of drunken parrots. Nor should we rush in where angels fear to tread, since our judgement is not infallible. Instead let us judge righteously, ever mindful the Judge of all the earth does right, and that He alone is the lawgiver who is able to save and destroy.

(Much more could be written about this subject. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-33 should be studied in depth.)

Somehow we’ve gotten a little confused about the essence of leadership. If you think it’s all about getting bigger, going higher, and commanding more respect and attention from others, you’ve missed the point.

Leadership is all about giving everything we’ve got to others. If we have knowledge, wisdom and insight, we lead by giving it away. We grow by investing in others.

There is an entire generation of up-and-coming leaders who need elders. They need fathers, models, mentors and friends. And leadership is, among many other things, the willingness to lead the next generation of leaders.

Becoming obsolete is easy. All you have to do is stay on the path of least resistance, pay the least cost, and think only about yourself and your own success.

To avoid becoming obsolete, try one of these tips for leading the next generation…

Grab Coffee

Can you lead from a distance? Sure. But if all you do is lead from a distance, you are severely limiting your opportunity to lead to your fullest potential.

And that’s why coffee is so important (and espresso is even better!). Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone makes a pretty excellent point. Every time you eat (or have coffee) alone, you’re missing out on one of the most opportune moments for mentoring.

Aside from those rare times when you really just need to work alone for a while, always ask yourself, who could do coffee with me?

Give Resources

A few years ago, a mentor of mine gave me a copy of Jeffrey Gitomer’s book The Little Black Book of Connections. I’ve since given away a few dozen copies. I keep a few in my car for when I’m doing coffee with a young leader.

That book taught me a big lesson about leadership—that if you want to succeed, add value to people’s lives. And Jeffrey was saying it before it was so cool to say it.

When you come across a great book about leadership, buy an extra copy to give away. And when you use an app that makes you more productive, share about it on social media.

Ever had to apologize as a leader?

Sure you have.

Any leader worth their salt will have taken a misstep somewhere along the line, and have had to own up to the error.

But these days it seems that an entire industry has emerged designed to coach leaders on ways to apologize without ever owning up the error they’ve made.

I’m sure you’ve seen these.

It’s the insincere politician. It’s the shallow celebrity. It can be anyone who feels compelled to apologize, but who manages to sound apologetic, without ever really acknowledging their wrong-doing.

As a leader, your integrity matters too much to mess up when it comes to the apology. That’s why you need to be careful to avoid what I call “The 5 Sorry Sorries.”

The “I’m Sorry If…” Apology

Some celebrities and politicians have become masters of this one.

It usually goes like this: “I’m sorry if my drunken behavior caused you any offence…”

We hear the word “sorry,” so we think that was an apology. But it really wasn’t.

Let your “sorry” be “sorry.” Take out the “if.”

The “I’m Sorry, But…” Apology

Ever heard one like this?

“I’m sorry for being so rude, but I was really tired.”

Again, it sort of sounds like an apology, because it contains the word “sorry.” However, as soon as you insert the word “but,” it really isn’t an apology anymore.

The “I’m Sorry to Everyone” Apology

When I started driving at age 16, I bought a little Toyota Tercel. It was old at the time. It was a little beat up, and if you wanted to make it up a big hill you had to turn the A/C off. But I didn’t care. I was proud of that thing.

I remember one day pulling in to a gas station to get a drink. I had half of a tank of gas left, but figured that since I was there, I might as well fill up. I noticed it took longer than normal to fill up. Thinking it was just a slow pump, I went on.  A couple of weeks later, I was still at 3/4 of a tank but decided to fill up again. It took a long time again.

As I pulled out, the gauge jumped from full to empty to full. I pulled over to the side of the road.

I didn’t know what was going on, and I was just praying I would make it home. As I looked down at the gas gauge again, it was full. Completely.

And I was confused. Completely.

The next day, I was on empty again. But before I could pull in to the station, the needle had gone back to full.

What was happening was the mechanism that controlled the needle telling me how much gas I had in the tank was broken. So on a 10-minute drive across town, I would go from full to empty a dozen times. It was maddening. And anxiety-producing.

When I thought I was full of gas, I’d been running on empty.

Are you running on fumes?

It’s entirely possible that you’re running on fumes but you don’t know it. It’s possible you could be out of fuel but think you’ve got a full tank. Cruising around town, you’re about to have to call a tow truck.

If you’re a leader, you’re in an even greater danger of not just taking yourself out of service, but taking others with you. 

God has given us some gauges to help us know whether our spiritual tanks are full or not.

Sometimes they are broken (though more often than not, the problem is that we choose to ignore the warning signs). I’ve found that some of the best gauges are actually questions you can ask yourself.

Five ways to know you’re running on empty

1. How’s your family?
Start with this question. Because your family (or those closest to you) know you often better than you know yourself. And they’re a great indicator for you. If they’re worn out, but you don’t feel that way, your gauge might be broken. You may be physically, emotionally and spiritually running them ragged. Check that gauge.

Our hearts deceive ourselves, and we need others to help us see what we’re blind to. Those that know us best can help. Have you ever asked them?

2. Are you growing more anxious?
The Bible says to be anxious about nothing (Philippians 4:6-7), which is easier said than done. We can easily find ourselves anxious about everything. Finances, job security, spiritual growth, physical health, parenting issues, retirement and tomorrow’s to-do list keep you up all night.

If you’re growing anxious, you’re running on empty.

3. Are you growing less patient?
Patience is a sign of peace. And peace is a sign of rest. And rest is a product of  intentionally sabbathing.

Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city. —Proverbs 16:32

If you find yourself with a short fuse, with patience constantly out of reach, you’re closer to *empty* than you think.

4. Are you resting well?

And I don’t just mean “are you sleeping enough,” though that may be part of it.

Are you working so hard you need the rest? And resting so well you need the work?

5. Are you feeling less fulfilled?
Fulfillment comes from doing what God created you to do. That’s based on your spiritual gifts, your heart, your abilities, your personality and experiences (HN: Class 301 at Saddleback). So your interpreting a lack of fulfillment isn’t your job’s fault. Or your marriage’s. Or your local church’s. Or your home’s. It’s a by-product of a heart that’s searching for fulfillment in the wrong places. Here’s where life’s found:

And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life. —The Apostle John, 1 John 5:11-12

A lack of fulfillment should signal to you that your gauge should be on empty. Time to fill  up.

Have you been running on empty and didn’t even know it?