7 Tips for Parents of Teens in a Technology-Crazed World

June 11, 2017

Social media is here. It’s not a trend. It’s not a fad. It’s part of the atmosphere we breathe in, like oxygen. Like it or not. We need tech tips for parents today.

You and I who are parents of teens and preteens grew up in a very different world. I remember the first broadcast day for MTV. Remember the first video? It was “Video Killed the Radio Star.” And it was prophetic.

We also grew up at the advent of the Internet for home users, email and social networking when it wasn’t cool.

Email started out as a kind of inter-office instant messaging system. Now, seven out of 10 people check their email a minimum of six times per day.

In the first Internet generation, we would “dial up” and then “disconnect.” You could hear the modem scream and then hope for a “You’ve got mail” announcement.

Now, it’s always on. We’re absorbed in it.

I have a daughter and, as of this writing, she’s about to turn 15. I couldn’t be more proud of her maturity when it comes to social media and technology. But it’s something I think about every single day. I have two boys—currently seven and four—and I often wonder what else will develop in the world of social media by the time they hit their teen years.

Rather than seeing all of this as negative, I think it’s wise to apply a bit of a SWOT analysis to our current cultural conundrum.

Strengths of a Tech-Ready World

The strengths of our tech-saturated, social media generation include

the ability to connect with people more readily and quickly,
the freedom to communicate with family instantly across great distances, and
the capacity to solve big problems—medical, political, educational, etc.—faster than ever.

Weaknesses of a Tech-Crazy World

The weaknesses have to do with our humanness. We humans tend to be creatures of habit, and some of our habits can become quite destructive.

We tune in online when we should be tuned into the person face-to-face with us.
We get anxious when we’re disconnected for too long.
We produce and access things we shouldn’t—hence the Internet porn epidemic.
We are so inundated with bad news that we disconnect from it emotionally.
We waste a lot of time!

Opportunities of a Tech-Enabled World

I believe the advent of social media affords us a ton of positive opportunities. I even wrote a whole book about how social media can help us share the love of God. We can use technology to our advantage…

to stay tuned in to what is happening in the world,
to be alerted to emergencies and urgent situations,
to lead and influence a generation in ways not possible before, and ultimately,
to meet new people and spread positivity further,
to spread the message of Jesus further and faster than ever before.

Threats of a Tech-Infected World

The threats of tech-everywhere range from the common, everyday annoyances to the Matrix-level conspiratorial stuff. But for most families, the threats are…

Cyber security issues, requiring us all to be aware of hacking and phishing.
Privacy issues related to people stealing and abusing our personal information.
Intrusion into our lives by people with ill-intent.
Porn. All kinds of it. Tons of it.

We need to think of all of this in a balanced way. We need an awareness of the dangers and what I often call the common “social media ism’s.” But we also need to know that social networking is our present reality. It is a reflection of and window to our culture.

And it’s a space where we can make a difference.

So how do you parent teenagers in the rushing rapids of our current technology-driven cultural change? Here are a few tips…

1. Anchor your lives in eternal things.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. No new technological advancement changes the nature of Jesus or of God’s Word. The gospel is and forever shall be the good news that the risen King Jesus saves and redeems.

Be about eternal things, not temporal things.

2. Be aware of the major trends.

You don’t have to sign up for accounts on every new social network that opens up. You do have to keep an eye on the potential threats. You need to know why Snapchat is so popular and how kids are using Instagram and why they don’t share all on Facebook.

You don’t have to be an expert. You do need to be aware.

3. Have intentional and honest conversations.

I know you want to make them feel trusted. But they’re still kids. They need us to ask tough questions and offer solid answers. The last thing they need is our silence. Don’t assume that you’re on the same page when it comes to standards of privacy and decency.

4. Engage with them in their world.

Your kids probably don’t want you joining in on their group conversations with their friends. In fact, it’s a certainty. But separately from those conversations, they’d probably be delighted if you occasionally spoke their language via text or direct message, or funny gifs and memes.

5. Develop an understanding about online privacy.

First, make sure they know that there is no such thing as online privacy. It’s an illusion. Someone is always watching. Someone always knows. That’s not a conspiratorial statement—it’s a fact. If you don’t know what a ping or an IP address is, you’re already in over your head.

6. Establish some standards.

In our home, our kids know that we’re not going to insert ourselves into all of their conversations. They also know that until they’re 18 and out of the house, their devices are our devices and are always subject to and available for inspection at a moment’s notice. It isn’t that we don’t trust their character. It’s that we know their character is still in the testing and development phase.

7. Let grace prevail.

If you parent using fear and intimidation and shame, your kids won’t turn to you when they mess up or encounter something they shouldn’t have. They might, however, open up to you when they know that there is grace available to them.

That doesn’t mean there are never consequences for disobedience or unwise choices. It just means that our love, affirmation and affection are based on grace, not on their performance.

You’re not going to navigate all of this perfectly. Neither am I. But it is possible to be wise, to be loving and to boldly lead our kids when it comes to how they interact with today’s rapidly changing social technologies.

This article originally appeared here.

How to Preach Unforgettable Sermons Like Jesus

Brandon Hilgemann

June 9, 2017

Did you know that most people forget 90 percent of sermons within 24 hours?

That’s depressing.

Your message is too important to be forgotten so fast. So how can you help people remember?

There are a lot of ways that people try to preach unforgettable sermons. Some work; others don’t.

But the best way is to learn from Jesus.

His sermons were so memorable that we still remember them almost 2,000 years later.

Here are just three examples that we can learn from Jesus:

1. BE SIMPLE

Jesus preached in simple and powerful statements. A great example is, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19).

Jesus spoke in simple ways to simple people. For the most part, it doesn’t take a college degree to understand Jesus’ teaching. Most of his concepts can be summarized in a single sentence.

A simple and memorable statement will have some artistic nature to it. They may rhyme, have alliteration or be an interesting play on words.

For example, I preached a sermon where the main idea was, “What would you do if you knew God was with you?”

I emphasized the rhyme of “do,” “knew” and “you.”

Another simple point I have used is: “If you want your kids to follow Jesus every day of their lives, you need to make Jesus part of your everyday life.”

These crafted, simple statements are easy to remember and help your listeners carry the message with them when they leave the building.

If you can’t summarize your message in a single, simple sentence, you aren’t ready to preach it.

2. BE SHOCKING

Jesus often used outrageous examples, exaggerations or shocking statements to get people’s attention. These statements were not all meant to be taken literally, but they got the point across.

For example, Jesus didn’t mean that we literally have to rip out our eyes and amputate our hands for causing us to sin (Matthew 5:29-30). Otherwise, all Christians would be blind amputees.

Another great example from Jesus is when he said, “Blessed are the poor” (Matthew 5:3).

That must have caught his audience by surprise. People don’t associate being poor with being blessed. Most people think, “Blessed are the rich.”

Jesus said unexpected things that shocked people to help us all remember his point.

3. BE A STORYTELLER

Jesus was a master storyteller. “He told them many things in parables” (Matthew 13:3).

Think about all of Jesus’ parables: the prodigal son, the good Samaritan, the lost sheep, the sower and the seeds, and more.

Jesus knew how to weave a story to communicate his message in a memorable and powerful way.

He could have said, “Love everyone like they are your neighbor.” Instead, he told the story of the good Samaritan.
He could have said, “God wants to save all lost people.” Instead, he told the story of the lost sheep.
He could have said, “Not everyone who hears my words will follow me.” Instead, he told the story of the sower.

People don’t always remember my sermons, but I am always surprised by how much they remember my stories.

Years after I told a story and forgot that I ever shared it, people have reminded me of it.

Stories are powerful. The good ones stick with us the rest of our lives. Jesus knew this and used it to help us remember his teaching.

So here’s the bottom line:

If you want to preach unforgettable sermons, preach like Jesus.

Learn from Jesus and be a simple, shocking, storytelling preacher.

You can find these tips and more in my book Preach and Deliver.

This article originally appeared here.

Swag Seminary: Learn to Preach the Gospel While Looking Relevant

Megan Briggs

June 9, 2017

Pastors don’t HAVE to go to seminary, but many choose that option because they believe seminary offers a great opportunity to be better equipped to proclaim God’s Word, shepherd God’s people, and counsel hurting saints. But not all seminaries offer the same type of education.

If you know of a person who is considering furthering his or her theological education but lacks a little… umm… coolness, then John Crist and Aaron Chewning would like to introduce you to Swag Seminary.

This seminary will come alongside you and offer the following:

• Protect you from wearing boot cut khakis

• Teach you how to have a “running man”; “mannequin” or “Pokémon Go” challenge at your church

• How to teach a series like “Screen Shot It: Snapchats of Jesus”

• Know when and when not to check in to a place on social media

• Create a personal fitness plan that utilizes non-denominational multi-vitamins; Groschel Gummies; and (if you really want to get beefy) Furtick Food.

• Connect you with a stylist to overhaul your whole sense of fashion as well as creating a hairstyle with a distinct cut-in part

Now accepting applications!

Three Indonesian Soccer Players Show Us All How to Practice Religious Harmony

Megan Briggs

June 9, 2017

When the following picture was posted to Bali United’s Football Club on June 4, 2017, it made a statement to fans of the team. But after a few days, the picture circulated beyond the team’s fans and is making a statement all around this world that is rife with religious tension.

The picture shows three Bali United players giving thanks for a goal. It’s a snapshot of religious harmony—a Hindu, Christian and Muslim side-by-side, giving thanks for a goal they accomplished together.

The caption on the photo reads, “Because different beliefs will not prevent us from achieving the same goals.” The symbolism of the players’ simple act of thanks and unity isn’t going unnoticed.

The players in the photo, Hindu defender Ngurah Nanak (left), Christian forward Yabes Roni (middle) and Muslim striker Miftahul Hamdi (right) each assumed the posture their respective religious typically use to pray. The players had a sense what their simple act of prayer would convey. Speaking to Indonesia’s Kompas newspaper, Christian Yabes Roni said, “Even though we all come from different religions and ethnicities, we’re all one.”

The practicality of religious harmony in a diverse society has proved troublesome for this Asian nation. An archipelago composed of more than 17,000 islands and a very diverse population to go along with it, Indonesia has a reputation for religious tension. The vast majority of the population (over 260 million people) are Muslim, however Christians, Hindus and Buddhists also call Indonesia home—especially on the island of Java, where the capital city, Jakarta, is located and over half the population resides. Indonesia’s motto is “Bhinneka Tunggal Ika,” which means “Unity in Diversity,” or more literally, “Many, Yet One.”

This motto is what the soccer players were hinting at with their photo. The country has struggled to maintain what religious harmony it has been able to achieve recently, after a drawn out case involving Basuki (“Ahok”) Tjahaja Purnama, Jakarta’s first Christian governor, ended in the well-respected governor deemed guilty of blasphemy against Islam and sentenced to two years imprisonment. Christians and Muslims alike are reeling after the verdict, convinced it is the work of hard-line Muslims who do not share the majority of the population’s practice of Islam or views on politics.

This picture of the soccer players may seem like a small, insignificant step toward gaining back some of the country’s peace, but it is a step nonetheless. In the broader story of the world, it can remind all of us—Indonesian or otherwise—that we can work together to achieve the same goals and that, when achieved, we can all give thanks according to our respective traditions.

5 Keys for Pastors Leading Small Groups

Ron Edmondson

June 8, 2017

Since beginning Grace Community Church I have personally led a small group study, many times meeting in our home. Cheryl and I have loved each of our groups. Some of our best friends in life have come from these groups. I hear from pastors who don’t want to lead a group or feel that they shouldn’t, but from my experience, I think it is best when a pastor does.

It models groups for the church
It keeps a pastor close to people
It helps a pastor know the real thoughts of people with the church

Of course, the pastor, as a small group leader, leads the group in Bible study, but there is so much more that helps a group be successful.

Here are five suggestions for pastors leading a small group:

Fellowship – We don’t just do group with our group. We do life with our group. Recently we went to a ballgame together, because one of the members of our group coaches the local university baseball team. We periodically suspend group just to fellowship together. The closer our group grows to each other, the more relevant our Bible studies seem to be and the better we are at sharing our hearts with each other.

Serve – With our most recent group, we started serving together once a month. We help feed families at a local ministry. It’s been a great commitment for our group and we’ve grown closer together and learned to better appreciate all God has given us as individuals and as a group.

Access – With a large church, I can’t always be available to everyone in the church, but those in my small group always have access to my time. They have my cell phone and permission to contact me at anytime. We’ve walked through multiple tragedies and struggles with people in our groups. They begin to see me as a fellow group member during those times, far more than they see me as their pastor.

Be authentic – I have flaws too. Hopefully my preaching reveals that also, but my group especially knows it to be true. Cheryl and I don’t hide the fact that we have personal struggles. The longer our group is together the more real they find us to be. In fact, they realize we aren’t that different in our struggles from the struggles life brings them.

Let others lead – I try not to have all the answers. The expectation at first may be that I do, but I don’t. This is not the time for me to show my biblical knowledge. (Some in my groups have had as much or more than me.) This is the time to learn the Bible together, without the pressure on any of us to be smarter than the others. I like to hand off teaching responsibilities when possible. It raises new leaders, spreads the responsibility around the group and emphasizes the fact that everyone is part of the discipleship process.

Pastors, jump in the middle of this ministry. It will help you and your church!

What do you think? Should pastors lead a small group Bible study or not?

This article originally appeared here.

20 Funny Signs You’re in Children’s Ministry

Dale Hudson

June 8, 2017

There’s nothing like serving in children’s ministry. I believe it’s the ministry that can make the biggest impact in people’s lives. No other ministry has the unique opportunity to help people come to Christ at an early age and then serve Christ for an entire lifetime.

Children’s ministry people have some unique characteristics. Here are 20 funny signs you are in children’s ministry.

You stop on the Disney channel when you are channel surfing.

You find yourself wandering to the toy aisle at Target even when there are no kids with you.

Oriental Trading is bookmarked on your computer.

Worship songs involve movements that resemble a zumba workout.

Counting the offering involves counting coins rather than bills.

You are an expert at unjamming a name tag printer.

Your top Google searches include the words “craft idea” and “game ideas” and “how to make slime.”

You get lots of ideas for your job when you are Disney World.

You sometimes baptize a person who has to step up on a box or stool to be seen by the audience.

An all-night party for you involves pre-teens who never run out of energy.

You know how to transform an adult auditorium into a kid’s wonderland for VBS.

You’ve learned the hard way to always test a science object lesson ahead of time before you do it in a lesson.

Your Bible has cartoon illustrations in it.

You have some old Bibleman VHS tapes or DVDs.

You change putrefying diapers on a regular basis.

Wearing your “Sunday Best” means putting on a t-shirt with a logo on it.

You can dish out goldfish crackers like nobody’s business.

You have made the church janitor mad.

Camping for you means spending three to five days with dozens of kids…including a few who are extremely homesick.

Your area of the church is the only place that has “stroller parking.”

I hope some of these brought a smile to your face and brightened your day. You matter. What you do matters. Thank you for your heart for the next generation.

What are some other funny signs you’re in children’s ministry?

This article originally appeared here.

Sanctifying Your Ambition and Faith

Daniel Im

June 8, 2017

If you missed my last two posts on ambition, you might want to start there:

Oftentimes God has to bring you through the desert before he can use you.

In other words, he has to sanctify your ambition and faith in order to use you for his purposes.

If you haven’t yet gone through a desert experience where your world has been turned upside down, then expect to. God uses these desert experiences to accomplish things through you that you would never be able to accomplish apart from them.

IN FACT, SPIRITUAL LEADERS FIND THEIR GREATEST INSIGHTS AND CONTRIBUTIONS IN THESE DESERT EXPERIENCES.

Moving back to Canada from from Korea was definitely a desert experience for me. I felt like my world was turned upside down.

I knew that God had called us to Korea, but if that was really true, then why did he allow us to leave Korea the way we did? The ministry was multiplying, people were being transformed, and we had just signed a lease for a new place and bought all new furniture, only then to turn around and leave it all?

My wife, Christina, and I didn’t understand why God was allowing us to go through this, but by his unbelievable grace we did sense his presence along the way.

When we moved back to Canada, we were jobless, hopeless and our savings were running out fast.

I was disillusioned with ministry and knew I needed a break, but I also knew my family needed to be fed.

Thank God for my parents who let us stay with them. Since food, coffee and ministry were all I knew, I decided to apply anywhere and everywhere to just start getting a paycheck.

No one contacted me back—Costco and Starbucks were silent, as well as every single church position I secretly knew I was “overqualified for.” I finally got the hint and realized that perhaps God wanted to do something in my heart before he was willing to use me elsewhere.

While worshipping, praying, fasting and studying the Scriptures, I began to process what had happened in Korea.

At that point my friend Josh called me up and asked whether I would be willing to be a guest speaker at their young adults retreat in Calgary, Alberta. As I was preparing for that retreat, God did the greatest work in my heart.

I DECIDED TO PREACH THROUGH THE LIFE OF DAVID AND BEGAN TO SIT UNDER EUGENE PETERSON’S TEACHING ON IT.

I soon discovered that David went through two major desert experiences in his life—first when he was being chased by Saul and later on when he was being chased by his son Absalom. As I began to study what happened to David during those two desert experiences, God began to reveal to me that he was doing the same in my life.

FOR DAVID THESE DESERT EXPERIENCES WERE THE MOST FORMATIVE YEARS OF HIS LIFE.

Through these desert experiences his ambition was being sanctified, and his faith was being refined. For example, when he was being chased by Saul, he knew he was going to be king one day, yet he had to wait on God’s timing.

Imagine how hard that would’ve been when he had the chance to kill Saul in the cave (1 Sam 24:1–22). The future was in his grasp, the promise could’ve been fulfilled that day, but God was using this experience to test and teach David: “Are you going to have faith in yourself to bring this to pass? Or are you going to have faith in the God who can bring this to pass?”

THE REASON YOU GO THROUGH DESERT EXPERIENCES IS BECAUSE GOD WANTS TO DO A WORK IN YOUR LIFE; HE WANTS TO REFINE YOUR AMBITION AND FAITH.

After all, “the Lord disciplines the one He loves” (Heb 12:6).

When facing a desert experience, you have an important choice to make.

If you respond positively by waiting on God and engaging in spiritual disciplines like praying, fasting, meditating on the Scriptures, being in community and worshipping, then you are allowing God the opportunity to refine and sanctify you.

However, if you respond negatively by ignoring the situation, isolating yourself or even turning away from God, then you’ll never get out. Or the same situation will keep on coming up, over and over again.

So welcome desert experiences when they come. Not if they come, but when they come. Instead of fighting them, invite God to shape and mold you through these experiences…regardless of how painful they might be.

If you would like to learn more about desert experiences, you can read my series here:

*This was a modified excerpt from my book Planting Missional Churches: Your Guide to Starting Churches that Multiply (2nd ed).

This article originally appeared here.

A Leader’s Great Challenge

Dan Reiland

June 8, 2017

Leaders need to be strong and make good decisions.

Leaders need to know and declare the vision.

Leaders need to demonstrate confidence and deliver hope.

But how does submission fit in?

We don’t talk about this topic very often.

I used to think a leader’s great challenge was submission, but I’ve changed my thinking.

A leader’s great challenge is submission when they don’t want to.

It’s easy to bend your will when the issue doesn’t matter to you, or it doesn’t affect you personally.

I’m not referring to a domineering leader who demands his or her way. But a good and godly leader who has strong opinions and believes it’s God’s direction.

Then something comes up from the church board, or a city planner, or a congregational vote that seems to force a different idea, opinion or solution.

Hey, it might be a decision or desire from your spouse that seems to conflict with your good and godly plans! Now what?!

I don’t think these are easy moments of decision. They are not right or wrong issues. They are often not clear or easy to discern, and yet they are the moments that can make or break the long-term success of a leader.

What you do in those moments makes a huge difference.

Jesus demonstrated this great reality to us in His garden struggle. He knew the will of His Father and did not want it.

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” – Luke 22:42

But Jesus chose to submit.

This is a grand and dramatic illustration, but the principle holds true.

Submission is a choice.

We don’t understand the heart of submission until it’s something we don’t want to do.

You can force a teenager to submit, but until it’s their choice, there is no real growth or change. Nothing of internal substance takes place.

You can force a staff member to submit, but what does that accomplish? Inside, they are more restless and less aligned than ever.

The church board can force you to submit, but if your will remains in opposition, what has that gained?

There is great value in the choice to submit.

Three Great Benefits of Submission:

1) Submission prevents a spirit of rebellion.

There is a time to stand up, even to rebel, but that is rare. Most of our ministry calls us to reconciliation, to get along with others and be at peace if possible.

As a leader, you “catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.” You go farther and faster over the long haul when you lead in a way that the people go with you, rather than you going against them.

2) Submission prevents a spirit of arrogance.

This is not a typical attitude, but on occasion, a leader will act as if they know more and better than everyone else. I don’t think many leaders believe that about themselves, but I have known more than a few that behave as if they do.

Arrogant behavior comes from insecurity more often than actually thinking one knows more than everyone else.

3) Submission prevents a spirit of independence.

Of the three, this is the most common among leaders. It comes from a good place. A healthy independence often resides within a leader who is strong, has a vision and sees a better way. Most churches are planted with the good of this trait.

Independence, however, can be taken too far. Good leadership is never in a vacuum. Good leadership always has context. The Kingdom of God is always larger than any of us lead, and we never lead alone.

Pushed too far, a healthy independence can become an independent spirit, and will cause a leader to struggle.

Ultimately, submission embraces humility, and again Jesus models this for us.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: ⁶Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; ⁷rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. ⁸And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! – Philippians 2:5-8

This is the great challenge of a leader!

This article originally appeared here.

3 Tips for Parents to Keep Connected to Kids

Jonathan McKee

June 8, 2017

A study asking U.S. teens and their parents about their social media and mobile app use revealed some intriguing insights, not only about teen’s attitudes about tech, but about how connected…er…disconnected parents really are from their kids tech communication. The study discovered:

79 percent of teens indicate they rarely say things online they regret (which one media outlet interpreted as them “not thinking before they post’).
52 percent of parents say their biggest concern is how much time their teen spends on social media.
43 percent of parents admitted they do not monitor their teen’s digital activity.

Interestingly enough, 88 percent of parents say they are aware of all or most of the social networks or apps their teens engage with, but yet half of that number actually uses the top social media networks their kids are using (Snapchat and Instagram are two of the top five, yet only 49 percent and 45 percent of parents use them).

These numbers don’t surprise me at all. It was only a few summers ago that McAfee interviewed teens and parents about teen online behavior, and “the majority of parents (74 percent) simply admit defeat and claim that they do not have the time or energy to keep up with their children and hope for the best.”

Nice!

So, how can parents interact with their kids about technology without being a helicopter parent?

Here are three tips to keeping connected with your kids…without become that creepy parent:

1. Start Connected
From the moment kids first get their tech, always be involved and connected with them. Yes, this is difficult for the parent of the 17-year-old who just began worrying about their teen’s tech use and finally has decided to do something about it (we devoted some time to this parent in our book Should I Just Smash My Kid’s Phone?), but it’s easy when your 12-year-old is begging for a smartphone and you still hold all the cards. So, when your kids get to the age where they want their own tech, make sure you …

2. Sit in the Front Seat
Just let them know from the beginning that owning a smartphone or a tablet is a privilege…just like driving a car. When they learn to drive the family SUV, it’s going to be with Mom or Dad sitting right there in the front seat. In the same way, when they’re learning to make good tech decisions, let your kids know you’ll be sitting there right in the “front seat.”

This means parents should have the passwords on their kids’ devices. I’m not alone in this conclusion. In fact, in my post about Keeping Social Media Safe, you’ll see numerous examples of how parents can and need to make a proactive effort to keep aware of their kids tech use, and walk alongside their kids, teaching them how to make good entertainment media decisions. But this means…

3. Participate…Don’t Probe

Parental awareness doesn’t necessitate us becoming a drill sergeant or parole officer. When your kid walks in the door, you don’t need to demand, “Let me see your smartphone, NOW! I’m just checking for porn!” That’s a surefire way to create a wedge between you and your kids.

Would you want to open up to your parents if they treated you like that?

Sadly, today’s kids are going elsewhere to talk about personal subjects. For many kids, that’s online. That same study above revealed that 40 percent of teens felt anonymity allowed them the freedom to talk about awkward topics. In fact, only 4 percent said they would have talked about the same topic if their identity were tied to it. This is scary. This means that many of today’s kids don’t have anyone “safe” enough to open up to, so they resort to, in essence, putting on a mask and talking to strangers. What is that teaching our kids? (More on anonymity here.)

What if parents became their kids “Go-to” person about tough topics? What if we avoided freaking out when our kids messed up or asked us surprising questions…so they realize, “This is something I can ask Mom about.”

Sixty-one percent of teens in the above study said it doesn’t matter whether parents follow them on social media. That means over half of teens don’t really care if Mom and Dad are following them on Instagram. And the other 39 percent probably just wish Mom and Dad would stop stalking…or just creepin’ in general.

My daughter Ashley gave us a picture of what this might look like a little while ago in her post, Ashley’s Rules for Parents. The funny thing is, Ashley left for college just as this was written, and the two of us used Snapchat all the time to communicate with each other. For the last few years I participated in my daughter’s social media activities…I didn’t probe.

I think Common Sense Media gave us a pretty good picture of what this looks like in this article, sharing how parents can play games with their kids, post pictures with them and talk about online experiences.

What does this look like in your home?

In a world where over 80 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds own smartphones, parents need to establish a digital connection with their kids.

What does this look like for you?

JONATHAN McKEE is the author of More Than Just the Talk and over a dozen other books. Take a peek at his Amazon author page HERE.

Jonathan is the president of The Source for Youth Ministry, is the author of over 20 books including the brand new If I Had a Parenting Do Over, 52 Ways to Connect with Your Smartphone Obsessed Kid; Sex Matters; The Amazon Best Seller –The Guy’s Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket; and youth ministry books like Ministry By Teenagers; Connect; and the 10-Minute Talks series. He has over 20 years youth ministry experience and speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers and parents on his websites, TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. You can follow Jonathan on his blog, getting a regular dose of youth culture and parenting help. Jonathan, his wife, Lori, and their three kids live in California.

This article originally appeared here.

The One Thing That’s Missing From Your Spiritual Life

J.D. Greear

June 8, 2017

Imagine a single mom with one child who pours out her life to see her son have a chance at a better life. She works two jobs, scrimping and saving to keep him clothed and fed. She teaches him honesty, hard work and charity. And when he comes of age, she scrapes together her meager savings and puts him through college.

He graduates, gets a great job and never talks to her again.

But, he reminds himself, he’s “good.” He tells the truth, he works hard and he cares for the poor, just like his mother taught him. He thinks, “I became the man she wanted me to be—isn’t that good enough?”

Of course, we would say “no.” It’s not acceptable to simply live a good life and ignore a relationship with the one person to whom you owe everything.

Yet this is what is missing from many of our spiritual lives. We do a lot of right things for God, but we are not passionately in love with him. And if we aren’t passionately in love with God, we’ll never have the motivation to love as he loves.

When Paul told the Ephesians to “walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:2 ESV), he was speaking of two inward compulsions to love:

1. Do for others what Christ has done for you.

Several years into our marriage, my wife, Veronica, and I were having a hard time because we were both focused on how the other one had hurt or disappointed us. I responded to her based on what I thought she deserved (according to her treatment of me), and she responded to me based on what she thought I deserved (according to my treatment of her).

Not pretty.

One day a counselor told us that our problem was that neither of us was living like we believed the gospel. We were both acting like we were primarily righteous people who were being asked to forgive someone who had wronged us, rather than like sinners who had been forgiven of far more by God than we would ever be asked to forgive in each other.

He taught us a phrase that transformed our marriage: “First sinner, second sinned against.” We had it reversed—we each thought we had been mainly sinned against, and that kept us from loving each other like God has loved us.

What would your life look like if this became the standard for how you related to people in your life? What would your marriage look like if you regularly forgave your spouse the way Jesus forgave you?

2. Love others as a “fragrant offering and sacrifice” to God.

The one we’re ultimately loving when we do these things is God. Paul says it’s like a sacrifice we make to him.

Sometimes we feel like the person we’re being asked to love is not worthy of our love. Maybe that person doesn’t even recognize what we are doing or appreciate it.

I, for instance, don’t mind loving my wife like Christ loved the church, but doggone it—I want her to recognize that and praise me for it to her friends and her mother!

But I’m not just being kind to my wife out of love for my wife; I’m being kind to her out of love for Jesus.

What if you looked through whomever you were being asked to love and saw Christ standing behind him or her—and you looked at whatever you were doing for that person as first and foremost to Jesus?

The best biblical illustration of this is the woman who anoints Jesus’ feet with a bottle full of expensive perfume. Everyone in the room is taken aback, because it seems like such a waste of really expensive perfume. But Jesus was so moved by it, he said the woman’s story would be told everywhere the gospel was preached from that point on, because it so perfectly represented the right response to the gospel: extravagant love toward Jesus.

Your acts of love toward others are ultimately for Jesus, even if they seem like they are being wasted on the person you are pouring them out on.

As we walk in love, we give ourselves for others as an outpouring of passionate love for Jesus and in response to what he has done for us.

For more, be sure to listen to the entire message here.

This article originally appeared here.

Maybe You Need to Step Back From the Internet

Melissa Edgington

June 8, 2017

I love the Internet. I love social media, news, the wild opinions and even the endless debate. Except when I don’t. When I get sick of listening to the same people say the same thing over and over again. When everything that could possibly be said has been said, many, many times, but people are still going. Sometimes I just have to walk away. I have to get some perspective.

I remember when my first really huge post was getting me absolutely roasted in what seemed like every corner of the Internet. My stomach was twisted into knots as I read comment after comment, discovered yet another place where people were discussing me on some board somewhere, and I felt like I was embroiled in a huge scandal. My life seemed filled with conflict and angst and upset. And then I realized something.

I realized that I could get up, close my laptop and look at the world around me. I was sitting in the cozy living room of our sweet parsonage, and only steps away my children (who love me) were playing happily. My devoted husband would soon be home from working at the best church in Texas. I had a light bulb moment: I had let what I had read on the Internet that day overshadow the reality of my actual life. My real life was not rife with conflict and strife. It wasn’t a battleground. My real life was actually a pleasant, low-stress existence. But, I had let myself get sucked into the world of every opinion, and once I got lost in that jungle of harsh debate and little civility, I had a hard time finding my way out again.

I think many of us are there right now. Within Christian circles, debates are raging. Opinions are pouring in. Passionate pleas and rude attacks and the-sky-is-falling attitudes are everywhere. Debate can be a good thing. We should talk about things, hold each other accountable, call out what needs to be called out. Go for it. But, when stress begins to fill your heart and mind, when your blood pressure begins to pulse wildly, when you can think of little else but what a stranger said in a comment box someplace, then maybe it’s time to take a step back. Maybe it’s time to close that laptop and look at the life around you and recognize that you don’t have to solve every problem the Internet dreams up. Walk away for awhile. Sit on the porch with your wife. Play a board game with your kids. Call up an old friend. Realize how great your life is, and how little real life conflict you are probably actually having to deal with.

The Internet won’t fall apart if you don’t read every article and comment. Jesus came to give abundant life. Maybe that abundance is right in front of you, but you can’t see it for your computer screen. Don’t confuse internet bickering with your real life. Get up. Walk away. And see how God is working and blessing right in your own house, your own church, your own town, where most of the people you encounter have no idea what the latest Christian controversy is.

I’m not saying stay out of the discussions. But, find a balance that keeps you from feeling like your life is just one big drama scene when it clearly is not. Look up. Take heart. And see what God is doing right where you are.

This article originally appeared here.

Matt and Lauren Chandler: How to Go about Life Decisions when the Husband Is the Head of Your Home

Megan Briggs

June 8, 2017

Marriage has a deeper meaning than two people taking up space in a home, sharing responsibilities, and physically connecting with each other. In fact, it is marriage between a husband and his wife that God uses to provide a picture of His relationship with His church. As true as that may be, it’s also true that every marriage is made up of two sinners, who are prone to weakness, selfish desires, and fleshly thinking. So how can a husband and wife partner together in order to make life decisions? Matt Chandler, who is pastor of the Village Church, and his wife, Lauren, provide insight through this video about that very thing.

The Lord, according to Lauren, has created the husband to fulfill the role of servant leader within marriage just as Christ loves, leads, and serves the His church. Wives, just like the church, should flourish under the leadership of her husband. Husbands can provide this type of servant leadership by listening to how their wives view and feel about upcoming decisions. Ultimately, the decision lies with the husband either by deferring or by his direct decision. This means that the ramifications of the decision will lay with him and not his wife.

Godly husbands, says Matt, have no natural desire to say “no” to their wives but try to lay down any “yes” before their wives. But there are times when deferring would be unwise and could put the family in harm’s way. Male headship is not about flexing his authority but about protection of the marriage and family as well as values that honor Christ. Husbands can communicate this leadership by saying, “the answer is ‘yes’ now ask the question”. This gives wives unfettered communicative freedom with their husbands and encourages good dialogue about significant life decisions.

If There’s One Thing Republicans and Democrats Can Agree on, It’s the Dire Need to Quell the Genocide of Christians in Iraq and Syria

Megan Briggs

June 8, 2017

The political climate in the U.S. lately has been defined by back-biting partisanship. However, if there is one thing politicians on both sides of the aisle can agree on, it’s that we need to help the Christians in Iraq and Syria facing genocide before there is no one left to help.

On June 6, 2017, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the bipartisan bill H.R. 390, also known as the Iraq and Syria Genocide Emergency Relief and Accountability Act of 2017. The house had no qualms passing it unanimously.

The bill, spearheaded by Chris Smith (R-NJ) and Anna Eshoo (D-CA), is focused on helping Christians, Yezidi, Armenian, and other religious and ethnic minorities in Iraq and Syria. The Armenian Assembly of America “strongly” supported the bill. “Armenians, having been targeted for annihilation in the twentieth century, are deeply troubled that 100 years later descendants of genocide survivors in Iraq and Syria are facing similar genocidal atrocities,” Assembly Executive Director Bryan Ardouny told Public Radio of Armenia.

H.R. 390 will direct the supply of emergency relief to survivors of genocide in Iraq and Syria as well as accountability for the perpetrators of genocide (namely, ISIS). Practically, the bill directs the Secretary of State, working with the Attorney General, Secretary of Homeland Security, Director of National Intelligence and Director of the FBI, to identify and prosecute individuals guilty of war crimes and genocide, as well as encourage foreign governments to do the same.

As far as aid to survivors is concerned, the bill authorizes the Secretary of State and Administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development to provide assistance to NGOs and the like as they address the needs of the people facing genocide.

The bill acknowledged Secretary of State John Kerry’s declaration in 2016, when he called the atrocities committed by the Islamic State genocide. “Religious and ethnic minorities in Iraq and Syria are persecuted groups, and the Secretary of State of State declared on March 17, 2016, that Daesh, also known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), was responsible for genocide, crimes against humanity and other atrocity crimes against several of these groups, including Christians and Yezidis.”

Moving forward, the bill has been received by the Senate and awaits a vote. If passed in the Senate, it will move on to the White House, where it can be signed into law if President Trump approves. One thing is certain: The genocide in Iraq and Syria is so evident no one is questioning the need to do something about it.

Sound Techs, Avoid the Dangerous “Wall of Sound”

Chris Huff

June 7, 2017

The wall of sound is created when every channel in the music mix fights for sonic space and no one wins. Imagine all the channel volumes are equal so there’s no spatial separation in the mix. The bigger the band, the more likely it is the sound tech will battle the dangerous “wall of sound.”

This “wall of sound” mix happens for a few reasons:

Poor arrangement
Unbalanced mix

Notice that in point number one I didn’t directly blame the band. The band knows how a piece is supposed to sound, and they hopefully base their arrangement on a well-produced mix. However, when everyone plays “all in” on a song, your mix work needs to account for that combined energy and balance it out.

Understanding point number two requires an understanding of how all the facets of a song work together to create a beautiful sound. A music mix requires balance in areas that include volume, effects and EQ so every instrument and vocal supports the song as a whole. For example, you can’t crank the bass on a song that’s primarily led by an acoustic piano. You ought to have the bass at a lower volume in order to provide a bass line that avoids overpowering the piano. Yet, in this example, there are only two channels. This balance needs to span across all channels, and is obviously harder to achieve as you add more vocals and more instruments.

Even experienced sound techs can accidentally create a wall of sound, and I know because I’ve done it. It goes like this: You get a general mix sounding pretty good and then decide the electric guitar needs a volume boost. Then you think the bass might need a boost. But where did the keyboard go? Boost that. Next thing you know, everything is too loud.

Those are times when EQ changes might have been a better solution.

What to do with a Wall of Sound

The best way to avoid a wall of sound is to plan for it. Know how a busy song should sound, and mix accordingly. If you’ve attempted to do that and still get a wall of sound, or if the arrangement calls for changes mid-song and you are suddenly hit by a wall of sound, follow these steps:

1. Pull back instruments that aren’t key drivers in the song.

Do not pull any instruments out of the mix, but rather, pull back on those that are not the driving force in the music. This volume change will be the most dramatic fix to the “wall of sound” problem. Also, feel free to pull back all the volumes, especially if you do this during a practice or a sound check, and then carefully add channel volume back in.

There are two options for this:

Start with the lead instrument and lead vocal and layer everything underneath.

Start from the low-end frequencies and work up. So, start with drum, then bass, on up until you get to the vocals which will end up on top.

2. Listen for competing sounds and cut where necessary.

Common competing sounds include combinations such as bass and kick drum and two electric guitars. Pick the instrument that sounds best in that frequency range and apply an EQ cut to the other instrument in that range. As a tip, first check that you aren’t boosting the frequency in both instruments. By using the frequency cuts, you can get a little more volume out of an instrument that might fall too far back in the mix.

There might be a time when you want to raise the volume of the band. Don’t use the individual channels. Use the main mixer fader which then keeps the balance.

The “Wall of Sound” can happen to anyone. Listen for it and use volume and EQ changes to alter the mix when it does happen.

This article originally appeared here.

Reaching a Changing World With God’s Unchanging Word

Rick Warren

June 7, 2017

In ministry, some things must never change, but others must change constantly.

Clearly, God’s five purposes for his church are non-negotiable. If a church fails to balance the five purposes of worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry and evangelism, then it’s no longer a healthy church, and it’s in danger of becoming simply a social club.

On the other hand, the way or style in which we fulfill these eternal purposes must continually be adjusted and modified because human culture is always changing. Our message must never change, but the way we deliver that message must be constantly updated to reach each new generation.

In other words, our message of transformation must never change, while the transformation of our presentation should be continual, adapting to the new languages of our culture.

Consider this: The word contemporary literally means with temporariness. By nature, nothing contemporary is meant to last forever! It is only effective for a while and only relevant in that particular moment—which’s what makes it contemporary.

What is considered contemporary and relevant in the next 10 years will inevitably appear dated and tired in 20 years. As a pastor, I’ve watched churches adopt many contemporary styles in worship, programming, architecture, music and evangelism. That’s OK, as long as the biblical message is unchanged.

But whatever is in style now will inevitably be out of style soon, and the cycles of change are getting shorter and shorter, aided by technology and the media. New styles and preferences, like fashions, are always emerging.

Let me give you a word of advice. Never attach your church to a single style—you’ll soon be passé and outdated. One of the secret strengths of Saddleback Church is that we’re constantly adapting; we’ve changed styles of worship, programming and outreach many, many times in the last 24 years, and we’ll continue to do so because the world keeps changing.

The only way to stay relevant is to anchor your ministry to unchanging truths and eternal purposes but be willing to continually adapt how you communicate those truths and purposes.

Our members are constantly on mission to bring their friends and neighbors to our weekend services, where we reach out to non-believers—particularly those who have no real church background—by singing songs they can embrace, by voicing prayers that help them relate, and by preaching messages they understand. We make Christianity available on an introductory level to any visitor to Saddleback.

You might wonder if we attract these visitors by watering down the Gospel, but we don’t; we simply communicate it in ways that non-believers understand! Jesus drew enormous crowds without compromising the message. He was clear, practical, loving, and he presented his timeless message in a contemporary fashion.

Lost people have a need for meaning, a need for purpose, a need for forgiveness, a need for love. They want to know how to make right decisions, how to protect their family, how to handle suffering and how to have hope in our world. These are all issues we have answers for, yet millions are ignoring the message of Christ because we insist on communicating in ways that make little sense any more.

In a sense, we’ve made the Gospel too difficult for a changing culture to understand. Let me give you this analogy: Imagine a missionary going overseas and saying, “I’m here to share the Good News, but first you have to learn to speak my language, learn my customs and sing my style of music.” You can immediately see why this strategy would fail.

Yet, we do that all the time in a culture that is in radical flux. If we want to reach people in the current century, we must start thinking differently. Paul said, “I become all things to all men that I may, in some way, save some.” And I think that means if you’re in California, you should have a California culture church. If you’re in Ohio, you should have an Ohio culture church. If you’re in Mississippi, you should have a Mississippi culture church.

But I also think that means if you’re in the 21st Century, you should have a 21st Century church. I believe the most overlooked requirement in the church is to have spiritually mature members—members who unselfishly limit their own preferences of what they think a church should look like in order to reach lost people for Christ. As Jesus said in Luke 5:38, “New wine must be poured into new wineskins!”

Here’s a simple tradition to break in the 21st Century: Stop thinking of the church as an institution. Regardless of the language we’ve used, we boomers have tended to see the church as an organization, but the emerging generations—and a lot of us Beatle-era boomers—are desperately looking for community.

We need to present the church as a place where you belong, a family where, as they sang on Cheers, everybody knows your name. Now you and I may know that the church is a community, but emerging generations have never seen it that way. They’ve seen a list of rules, not a loving community. This is a prime example of an opportunity to re-state the eternal truths of the Bible in a fresh, contemporary way.

Emerging generations are also focused on the experiential, and that means we have to adjust the way we teach and preach because most traditional churches focus almost exclusively on the intellect. In the 21st-century church, we not only want people to know about God, we also want them to actually encounter God.

Of course, this means rather than preaching simply for information, we should also preach for action. Our message is not meant to just inform, but to transform the lives of those in our congregation. In almost every single sermon I preach, every point has a verb in it—something to do. What are you going to do now that you know this godly truth?

Why do I do it this way? Because God says, “Be doers of the word, not hearers only,” and our entire Purpose Driven process at Saddleback is designed to move people, not only into intimacy with God, but also into service for him, where they’ll experience a deep and broader faith in the midst of community and ministry.

Since planting Saddleback, spiritual seekers have changed a lot. In the first place, there are a whole lot more of them. There are seekers everywhere! Because seekers are constantly changing, we must be sensitive to them like Jesus was, be willing to meet them on their own turf, and speak to them in ways they understand.

Remember: The world changes but the Word doesn’t. To be effective in ministry we must learn to live with the tension between those two.

My prayer is that God will use you the way he used David, as described in Acts 13:36, to serve God’s purpose in your generation. We need churches that are timeless and timely at the same time. May God use you greatly and may you fulfill his purpose for your life.

This article originally appeared here.

How Your Church Can Break Growth Barriers

Beth Colletti

June 7, 2017

Hey, everybody, and thank you for joining us for another episode of the unSeminary podcast. Today I’m talking with Warren Bird and Carl George.

Warren works for Leadership Network. Carl was a professor for years at Fuller. The two of them collaborated to write the highly successful book How to Break Growth Barriers: Revise Your Role, Release Your People, and Capture Overlooked Opportunities for Your Church, and today they are here to share about the caps we can place on our own church growth.

• Ask questions to break growth caps. There comes a point in every church growth where you find yourself spinning your wheels. One of the most important parts of breaking through those barriers is to pay attention to what is between the church leaders’ ears. What caps do they have on their vision? What voices are they listening to? How strong is their bias toward growth? How do they perceive their role? Are they the minister or the minister maker? Realizing they cannot be adequate enough to all people to take their church to the next level, how will they call people alongside to help them?

• Guide apprentices in ministry. The shift for the pastor from shepherd and caregiver to coach of shepherds and caregivers is a critical one. The simplest way to make this shift is through the apprentice model. Look at Jesus and the 12, for example. Jesus appointed these men to be with Him and gave them authority to do ministry (Mark 3:13-19). Follow Jesus’ model and have someone shadowing you as you work and lead. If you do a hospital visit, bring an apprentice with you to learn ministry from you.

• Encourage gifts within your church. How are you encouraging and affirming the people in your congregation as they exercise their unique giftings? There are people in your church who have a gift of ministry from God, but may not be sure that they are “doing it right” when they reach out to others, especially if this person is not part of the leadership or staff. When you see evidence of these gifts among your congregation or apprentices, be sure to encourage that gift. Offer some guidance, but encourage the way that God is using them to reach out to others. If you don’t fan the evidence of the micro flame, you won’t see the macro coming into play.

• Use technology in ministry. The time in which we live is changing quickly among technology and communications. Use the latest gadgets, apps and other forms of communication to minister to and reach others. Pastors are now using Facebook and Twitter to spread their ministry outside their church, or even Facetiming with the people they want to reach.

You can purchase How to Break Growth Barriers: Revise Your Role, Release Your People, and Capture Overlooked Opportunities for Your Church to read more about breaking through the barriers in your church. You can get in touch with Carl through his website www.consultingforgrowth.org. You can connect with Warren through Twitter @WarrenBird or email research@leadnet.org.

Thank You for Tuning In!

There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose unSeminary, and I’m grateful for that. If you enjoyed today’s show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see at the left hand side of this page. Also, kindly consider taking the 60 seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes; they’re extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show, and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally!

Lastly, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes to get automatic updates every time a new episode goes live!

Lightning Round

Helpful Tech Tools – Google, Blogging

Ministries Following – Todd Wilson and his work with Exponential

Influential Book – Healing the Shattered Soul by by James L. Hanley ThD and C. Tracy Kayser JD

Inspiring Leader – Bono

What does he do for fun – Playing with his grandchildren or wife’s labradoodles

Contact – Carl George at consultingforgrowth.org; Warren Bird on Twitter: @warrenbird, email: research@leadnet.org, newsletter: leadnet.org/update

This article originally appeared here.

4 Ways to Help Graduating Seniors Keep the Faith in College

Greg Stier

June 7, 2017

High school graduation is upon us and, if statistics ring true, then a majority of graduating seniors who currently claim to be Christians will abandon their faith sometime after the tassel is turned. Some will turn on it and become atheists. Others will put it in a drawer for a later time down the road. Some will have it eroded by hedonism or the Philosophy 101 professor of their secular university.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. I’m convinced that graduating seniors can not only keep their faith after high school, but learn to advance it effectively.

So how can you help get graduating seniors keep (and advance) the faith in those tricky college years? Here are four ways:

1. Pray for them to not just survive, but thrive.

Prayer is a vastly underrated tool in helping our teenagers keep their faith long-term. There’s a reason that Jesus escaped so much to pray (Mark 1:35-36), and that’s because he knew that prayer worked.

Part of his get-away-to-pray quest was interceding on behalf of his young disciples. We see this especially in Luke 22:31-32 when he tells Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Jesus was praying that Peter’s faith would stand strong in the midst of trial and temptation. He also prayed that Peter would not just survive but thrive, by helping the mostly teenaged disciples stand strong well after he was gone.

In the same way we must pray for our graduating seniors to have a strong faith in the midst of the inevitable trials and temptations they will face. We must also pray that they, like Peter in the book of Acts, will thrive by strengthening the other believers around them to serve Jesus with all of their hearts.

2. Mentally prepare them for what is coming.

Teenagers need to know that the years following high school can be filled with intense temptations. We need to mentally and spiritually prepare them for this battle.

The Apostle Paul warned the Ephesian believers about the upcoming trials that awaited them in Acts 20:29-31: “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard!“

In the same way we must prepare our teenagers by speaking forthrightly about the temptations that await them after high school, we must help them be on their guard and learn how to be fully “armored up” with the spiritual protection that Jesus provides every believer (Ephesians 6:11).

3. Inspire them to look at the next few years missionally.

Mormon teenagers graduating from high school often take two years to go on a mission before they head off to college. During these two years they spread the message of Mormonism door to door across different parts of the planet. After two years of door knocking and proselytizing, the average Mormon young person knows what they believe and why they believe it.

What if we trained our young people to look at their university training as a four year mission trip? What if we helped them to tackle their college years as missionaries to their peers?

Instead of just playing “defense” by begging our graduates not to abandon their faith, let’s equip our graduates to play “offense” by teaching them to spread the Gospel. In the process their faith will grow deeper and their Christian convictions will grow stronger.

If you need help equipping your high school seniors (or juniors or sophomores or freshmen for that matter) to share their faith give them the Dare 2 Share Field Guide. This little book will make a big impact in preparing your high schoolers to know how to clearly, compassionately and confidently share the Gospel to anyone and everyone.

4. Encourage them to plug into a strong Christian community.

A coal without a fire will soon burn out. So will a Christian without a community.

As Hebrews 10:24,25 reminds us, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.“

Finding a solid Christian community in any university setting is essential for teenagers to be “motivated” and “encouraged” to keep and spread the faith. Too often incoming Christian college Freshman get involved in the wrong circle of friends. When this happens the gravitational pull of temptation and sin become harder and harder to resist. As 1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us, “Bad company corrupts good character.”

But when incoming freshman circle themselves with on-fire believers right away the pull is in an upward direction. Sp how can we help them do that?

Campus Renewal is a great resource to help graduating high school seniors connect with solid campus ministries at their university of choice BEFORE they even get there! Their mission is to “create and catalyze united movements that transform college campuses for Christ. By bringing students, campus ministries and local churches together in prayer and evangelism, we strengthen the influence of the Body of Christ on campus.”

If you’re a parent of a graduating senior who is going off to college soon then get him or her connected to a solid campus ministry before they even get there. If you’re a youth leader then make sure you, your seniors and their parents use these resources to help their college years become some of the most spiritually impacting years of their lives!

Let’s stop playing defense and let’s start playing offense by inspiring, equipping and unleashing our graduating seniors to transform their campuses for Christ!

What are some other ideas to help our graduating seniors keep (and advance) the faith after the tassel is turned?

This article originally appeared here.

Being Busy Is NOT a Badge of Honor for Leaders + 4 Hard Truths

Carey Nieuwhof

June 7, 2017

Find yourself busy? A little overwhelmed?

You’re not alone. Especially in leadership.

I made a lot of mistakes in how I handled my workload as a young leader in charge of three small but rapidly growing churches.

Like many people, I assumed that the only way to handle a growing organization was to work more hours. The flawed logic went something like this: The larger our church became, the harder and longer I had to work.

The challenge, of course, is that nobody is manufacturing more hours in the day. Whether you lead two people or 2,000, you have to manage it all in 24 hours a day.

But that logic was lost on me as a young driven leader in my 30s trying to lead a great cause.

It got to the point where, as we grew, I wore my insatiable work ethic as a badge of honor. Was there pride underneath that? Sure. And unhealth. And unsustainability.

It all worked great until, well, it didn’t.

A decade into my leadership, I burned out. Our church had reached about 600 in attendance, and 10 years of running at an unsustainable pace just about killed me.

I’ll write more about that burn out in some upcoming posts, but let me start here.

There are some things I wore as badges of honor as a young leader I no longer wear as badges of honor today. What breaks my heart is I see many leaders falling into the same patterns I did.

In the 11 years since my summer of burnout, I’ve found new patterns in leadership that are so much healthier.

What’s still so strange to me is that when I adopted healthier patterns, I got more done, not less. I actually worked fewer hours and got so much more done. I still hustle…but it’s a healthy, sustainable hustle that has proven to be life-giving.

The result? Our church is more than twice the size it was when I burned out and I discovered I could do things like write books, this blog, host podcasts, speak to leaders and still have more time at home with my family. I know, it doesn’t make any sense, until it actually happens to you.

I got asked about my productivity patterns so often that finally I took the time to write them down, process them, and export them into principles that many leaders can adopt. That’s how The High Impact Leader Course was born.

The High Impact Leader Course teaches those principles in a way any leader can adopt, and it’s open now for new participants.

In the meantime, here are five things I no longer believe are badges of honor in leadership.

1. Working Ridiculous Hours

I’m not sure I’ll ever be a 37.5 hour a week guy (I love what I do too much), but I’ve found that if I work over 55 hours, I get unhealthy fast.

As a young leader, I would push 60, 70, 80 hours.

In my pride, I’d think anyone who worked less was lazy or irresponsible. That’s bad thinking as well as horrible theology. Not to mention arrogant and judgmental on my part.

Any strategy based on working more hours to handle more demands is headed for a fatal crash.

Why? Well, every leader runs out of hours before he or she runs out of demands. There will always be more demands on your time than there will be time.

Leaders who manage large organizations often work fewer hours than leaders who run small organizations. Think about it.

Ironically, effective leaders work fewer hours than ineffective leaders.

Again, effective has nothing to do with laziness. It has to do with effectiveness. (More on that in a future post.)

2. Being Busier Than Everyone Else You Know

Ask leaders how they are these days, and most will quickly answer, “Busy.”

For way too long I wore busy as a badge of honor.

Here’s a question: Why?

I mean do you really want to get to the end of your life and say, “Well, at least I was busy.”

Busy with what?

Far too often busy people get to the end of their day and don’t even know what they actually did. Sure, they sat in meetings and answered email and rushed around—but what did they accomplish?

Busy is not a friend of great leadership.

Hang around truly effective leaders for a while and you’ll notice a calm and focus that is too often lacking.

If you’re relying on being busy as a strategy for effective leadership, you need a new strategy.

3. Getting No Sleep

Guess what I used to do before I burned out? Brag about how little sleep I got.

That is until I spent August 2006 sleeping about 12-13 hours a day. I also did a lot of napping in between those long sleeps.

It’s like my body said You’ve been running up a sleep debt for a long time and now you’re going to pay it off. My body knew more than my brain did. Because if you don’t pay debt off, you know what happens right? You go bankrupt.

In the last 11 years, the one thing I refuse to cheat is sleep.

Most leaders recharge their phone overnight when they sleep. Fewer recharge themselves.

When you sleep, you don’t just recharge your body, you recharge your mind and your soul.

I realize these days that most of what I do is think: as a preacher, writer, leader and speaker, I think.

A rested brain works. An exhausted brain doesn’t…at least not in any way that helps me write better messages, help people, love people or generate new ideas.

A rested you is a better you. Always.

4. Being Overwhelmed

Leadership can be overwhelming. I get that.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Some leaders seems love being overwhelmed. I did.

I still love a challenge—taking on a little more than I think I can handle. That’s how I’m wired. And occasionally it leads to overwhelm. But these days I follow up with a quick recalibration.

Being overwhelmed means your system is broken. Great solutions include hiring people, dropping some things you’re doing, scheduling new priorities, or moving to your next level of leadership (systematically not doing what you used to do).

Being overwhelmed all the time doesn’t make you a great leader. It make you overwhelmed.

5. Never Using Your Vacation

For years in leadership, I never used all my vacation.

That was a mistake.

The sad part of that is when my kids were young, we could have done more together. Sure, we always took an annual vacation, whether it was a simple as a camping trip or as wonderful as a trip to Disney.

But looking back on it, I wish I had taken all of my vacation every year.

I do now. My wife and I spend lots of time together, and we still get to travel with our (now grown) kids. But you can’t get time back.

When I see a leader who doesn’t take their vacation, I no longer see it as a sign of strength. I see it more as an admission of weakness.

God is still challenging me on rest.

What I’m discovering is that a rested me is a more:

Generous me.

Loving me.

Trusting me.

Guess what else? A rested me is a more productive me.

Maybe God knew what he was doing when he said we should spend more than 1/7 of our lives resting.

Where Are You?

I don’t know where you’re at, but my heart is for every leader to get out of the trap of being busy but not productive, of working long hours but producing less than hoped for.

That’s what the High Impact Leader Course is all about: It’s about getting time, energy and priorities working in your favor. It’s about getting your life and leadership back.

Registration for the High Impact Leader Course currently closed. However, join the waiting list to receive a free series of productivity tips.

In the meantime, where are you when it comes to work and productivity? What are you learning?

This article originally appeared here.

Why Established Churches Die Painfully Slow Deaths

Sam Rainer

June 7, 2017

A statistic looms over my denomination: About 80 percent of our churches are either declining or plateaued. I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I’m doing my best to shepherd my church to be more effective at reaching and keeping people. It’s not easy, but I love every day of the effort.

We should celebrate the 20 percent of growing churches in our denomination, but this post is about the larger group—those declining and plateaued. The urgency is palpable when people quote the 80 percent stat. I share the sentiment. It feels like church doors will shut forever within a few Sundays. Some will. However, most won’t.

Established churches are notorious for hanging on, not for years, but for decades. How is it that churches can remain on life support for so long? The reasons are varied and—to some degree—contextual, but one demographic reason stands out.

Most established churches naturally settle into demographic replacement mode.

Assuming a church does not have a mass exodus, or a split, and assuming a church closely reflects the population age demographic (many do), the “replacement rate” of the population will kick in and keep the church afloat for decades.

Here’s how:

The average death rate in the United States is 8.2 deaths per 1,000 people, roughly 1 percent. You’ll lose about 1 percent of your congregation to death every year (yes, it’s a morbid thought, but it’s also reality).
The “replacement rate” of a population is 2.1 births per woman. We’re at 1.9 in the United States. Aside from immigration, the United States is slowly losing population, and we’re slowly becoming an older nation. The same goes for churches.
But it takes about 75 years for a reduction in fertility to create real change in the population. Amazingly, the median age of a church is 73 years, about the same amount of time for fertility rates to affect population changes.
Therefore churches, like the rest of the nation, become older at a slow pace (decades!) and thus take quite some time to die.

Simple demographics in the United States explain the slow, painful death of many established churches. It can take decades for declines to catch up to the congregation. A church of 100 people will lose only one person to death per year. Typically, the same church will replace this death with about one birth per year. If this church loses two people per year who stop attending (for whatever reason), then it would take 25 years to lose half the congregation.

I consulted a church that lost—on average—eight people per year. This slow decline occurred over 40 years without many noticing. Then, a couple years ago, they woke up to reality. What was once a church of 500 was now a church of 180. What’s amazing is how long it took for people to notice the decline—40 years! Thankfully, their young pastor is leading them to grow again.

Obviously, there are other factors affecting declines in established churches. People move away. Rural communities decline. Urban communities change. Churches split. Young families transfer to a different church. This post just focuses on the demographic reality of slow declines in churches. Additionally, there are ways to quickly change slow declines into gains. Churches can get excited about evangelism and discipleship. Churches can become more accepting of immigrants (who typically have high birth rates). With this post, I simply wanted to reveal why 80 percent of churches can be in decline or plateaued and yet take decades to die. My prayer is this trend reverses.

This article originally appeared here.

19 Things It Is Not Normal for Leaders to Do

Brian Dodd

June 7, 2017

Many leaders are sabotaging their leadership. Countless leaders are doing things that are foolish. They are doing things that are not normal. But there is hope.

One of the most famous leadership stories Jesus ever told was the one of the Prodigal Son. This parable from Luke 15 is pregnant with implications for leaders. Just look at its main characters: the loving and compassionate father; the bitter older brother; the younger brother who wasted his life only to come to his senses and go back home.

This past Sunday, Dr. Ike Reighard, the delightful senior pastor of Piedmont Church, delivered the best message on this passage from Luke 15 I have ever heard.

The following are 19 Things It Is Not Normal for Leaders to Do Ike taught those in attendance. You can listen to his full message by clicking HERE.

It is not normal to become so fixated on what you do not have that you completely forget what you do have. Jealousy is the fear of being displaced. However, the greatest form of obedience is when we do something because we love God.
It is not normal to make the worst decision you’ve ever made in the best place you’ve ever been, and turn around and make the best decision you’ve ever made in the worst place you’ve ever been. Do you know how many people are leaving the Father’s house? Anything that Jesus was willing to die for is important. And Jesus died for the church.
It’s not normal to think you can make poor choices and live a good life. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The distant country is not a geographical location. It is a state of mind.
It’s not normal to believe you do not reap what you sow. The height of fallacy is to think we can sow certain things and life’s just going to work out. It doesn’t always work out.
It’s not normal to trade the father’s house for a farmer’s pig pen.
It’s not normal to trade the things that are good and right for the things that are bad and evil.
It’s not normal to allow your quest for freedom to lead you into bondage. In your quest for freedom many people do not get anything. They wind up in the pig pen.
It’s not normal to come to your senses when your senseless actions place you in a mess. You can’t fix stupid. The first step to getting out of stupid is to recognize how stupid stupid is. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You need more than intentions. You need direction.
It’s not normal to get up from where you are and head out for where you need to go. But it sure is wise.
It’s not normal to say, “I’ve sinned. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” But it will change your marriage. But it will change your relationship with your kids. Forgiveness is the key relational issue in the Bible.
It’s not normal in a family to feel anger when you should feel joy. There are people who get joy from keeping things stirred up. This is what happens in churches.
It’s not normal to feel you’ve been cheated when you’ve actually been rewarded. The older brother was rewarded. We have all sinned. We are all in the position of the Prodigal Son.
It’s not normal to think your obedience is a burden rather than a blessing.
It’s not normal to run and meet someone who had run away from you.
It’s not normal to unconditionally love those around you. Prodigal means “lavish.” It’s really the story of the Prodigal Father. The Father is the one who is lavishing love.
It’s not normal to have an abundance mentality rather than a scarcity mentality. While the sons are worried about the inheritance, the Father is thinking He has so much more.
It’s not normal to have someone like God who sees you as you can be rather than what you currently are.
It is not normal to have a Father who sent his Son to die for you. But that is exactly what God did. Our Father wants to build a bridge. None of us have the perfect family. You can’t put enough filters on your social media to make your family perfect.
****BONUS**** I’ll add one more. It’s not normal to have a pastor like Ike Reighard. But I am sure glad I do.

What is one thing you learned that is not normal for you to be doing?

This article originally appeared here.

Strengths of a Tech-Ready World

Weaknesses of a Tech-Crazy World

Opportunities of a Tech-Enabled World

Threats of a Tech-Infected World

1. Anchor your lives in eternal things.

2. Be aware of the major trends.

3. Have intentional and honest conversations.

4. Engage with them in their world.

5. Develop an understanding about online privacy.

6. Establish some standards.

7. Let grace prevail.

1. BE SIMPLE

2. BE SHOCKING

3. BE A STORYTELLER

If you want to preach unforgettable sermons, preach like Jesus.

Here are five suggestions for pastors leading a small group:

Oftentimes God has to bring you through the desert before he can use you.

IN FACT, SPIRITUAL LEADERS FIND THEIR GREATEST INSIGHTS AND CONTRIBUTIONS IN THESE DESERT EXPERIENCES.

I was disillusioned with ministry and knew I needed a break, but I also knew my family needed to be fed.

While worshipping, praying, fasting and studying the Scriptures, I began to process what had happened in Korea.

I DECIDED TO PREACH THROUGH THE LIFE OF DAVID AND BEGAN TO SIT UNDER EUGENE PETERSON’S TEACHING ON IT.

FOR DAVID THESE DESERT EXPERIENCES WERE THE MOST FORMATIVE YEARS OF HIS LIFE.

THE REASON YOU GO THROUGH DESERT EXPERIENCES IS BECAUSE GOD WANTS TO DO A WORK IN YOUR LIFE; HE WANTS TO REFINE YOUR AMBITION AND FAITH.

When facing a desert experience, you have an important choice to make.

Three Great Benefits of Submission:

1) Submission prevents a spirit of rebellion.

2) Submission prevents a spirit of arrogance.

3) Submission prevents a spirit of independence.

1. Do for others what Christ has done for you.

2. Love others as a “fragrant offering and sacrifice” to God.

What to do with a Wall of Sound

Thank You for Tuning In!

Lightning Round

1. Working Ridiculous Hours

2. Being Busier Than Everyone Else You Know

3. Getting No Sleep

4. Being Overwhelmed

5. Never Using Your Vacation

Where Are You?

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