I’m afraid it’s all too common for people to have huge aspirations about who they want to become in the future, but almost no plan or willingness to get there.

We love the idea of changing the world, but we fail to see that changing the world starts with making a difference in my own personal world—my own heart, the lives of those close to me, and then the lives of those with whom I find myself in close proximity.

When I started Bible college, I could only focus on two things. First, I wanted badly to marry the woman of my dreams, so I proposed to her about a month into our freshman year and she said yes. We were married the next summer.

Second, I wanted to pastor a church. I didn’t care how big or small or how far I had to drive—I just wanted a pulpit of my own to preach from every week. That came true too. At the ripe old age of 19, I was married and serving as the pastor of a little church an hour from our home.

Both of those dreams came to pass after a series of steps. I first asked Angie out on a date. Repeatedly. And I learned how to take rejection when she said no about a hundred times. Finally her Mom convinced her to give me a shot and the rest is history. We dated. We got engaged. We planned a wedding and found an apartment.

When I wanted to preach every weekend but didn’t have a church, I approached a professor about referring me for fill-in opportunities. I walked to a nursing home near campus each week and gathered a bunch of sweet older folks and would lead them in a Bible study. Eventually, I filled in at a church full of older people and they asked me to be their pastor.

Now, we’re planting a church, and it’s a big dream! We started with a vision and a name, “Grace Hills.” We knew we’d plant in northwest Arkansas but aside from one other family, we had no idea who would be part of it. We networked and spread the word and gathered 30 people in an office.

We charted out a timeline for the first six months, serving the community on some Sundays and meeting for a Bible study on the others. Then we had some preview services and 70-ish of us launched publicly in a movie theater. We grew and moved, grew and hired staff, grew and planted churches out of ourselves and sent missionaries around the world.

Baby steps.

Something is first. Then something is next. And the dream becomes reality a piece at a time. A life of influential leadership happens the same way Johnny Cash built his Cadillac—“one piece at a time.”

If you want to be a published author, start writing.

If you want to grow an online platform, start learning how to do it well.

If you want to be a CEO, get your MBA and a job and climb the ladder. And maybe start by mastering LinkedIn.

If you want to be the President of the United States, get involved in politics locally and then run for a state office or congressional seat.

All of this may seem obvious, but I see it all the time—people with dreams, with potential, with talent and even good friends, but they’re so focused on the end goal, they don’t take the next little step.

We want to lead. We want a platform. We want influence. But often, we fail to figure out what the next best step is and go for it. I’m somewhere on the journey. I haven’t arrived and not all of my aspirations have come true yet, but I’m also determined to find the next step and to take it with bold faith.

And by the way, here’s an important warning: Never let your dream become an idol. We find our identity and our worth in how God created us, what Jesus did for us on the cross, and who we are as born again children of God. God Himself is the ultimate prize, not success. Nonetheless, leading and dreaming are still vital to the expansion of God’s Kingdom. So…

If you really aspire to lead, start leading right now. Lead those around you at work. Lead your kids and your family. Lead your fellow students. Get out of the box and get engaged. Something is bound to happen!

So tell me, what’s yo’ dream?? And where are you in the journey right now?

This article originally appeared here.

If you are going to lead—wouldn’t you want to lead in a way which creates value in the lives of others and the organizations you lead? I think this would be true for all of us.

The older I get and the longer I lead, the less I care about personal recognition and the more important it is to me that what I’m doing as a leader really matters. Of course, I want to first and foremost honor Christ with my life, but I believe doing so means I would desire to add genuine value to others in my leadership.

How do we do that?

Here are 10 ways to add value as a leader:

Be open to challenge. Everyone has an opinion and they aren’t usually afraid to share it if given an opportunity. Granted, sometimes they do so in less than gracious ways—and that can sting a little. Actually, it can sting a lot. But, you demonstrate humility when you open yourself to correction. Humility is an attractive trait for leaders.

Quickly share credit. You didn’t get where you are without the help of others. Leaders do well to recognize this regularly.

Notice what is missing. The leader should consistently be in a development mindset for the organization. No one else will dream bigger dreams for the organization than you. This shouldn’t translate into never being satisfied or failing to celebrate current success, but leaders should consistently help people see future potential.

Generously offer praise. People appreciate being appreciated.

Remain accessible to people. You may not always be available—there is only so much time in a day, but you can be accessible to people, especially those closest to your leadership. It shows you value them.

Embrace change. I am not sure there is leadership without change. When the leader fails to allow change, things stall for the organization, but also for individuals within it.

Condemn slowly. There are plenty of critics in the world. Leaders do best when they are cheerleading more than fault-finding.

Diligently protect your character. The character of the leader impacts the character of the organization—which impacts everyone in the organization.

Serve others. Jesus said the greatest must be a servant. So it goes for leaders who add value to others.

Take risks. People will be willing to take risks only when leadership is out front, leading with faith, vision and courage.

Any you would add to my list?

This article originally appeared here.

After writing a lengthy letter, filled with theological and practical instruction, the Apostle Paul makes an eyebrow-raising claim: “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Rom. 15:14).

Interesting. How can Paul make such a confident claim after writing of so many important areas that the church didn’t seem to have figured out?

Believers have the Spirit of God, the Word of God and the people of God to rely on. These three resources make the body of Christ competent to handle even the toughest matters that come its way. Paul thought so, anyway.

Yet many church leaders don’t share Paul’s confidence when it comes to the real-life issues encountered by churches every day, in churches all around the world. One area church leaders often feel incompetent to address is the reality of trauma. Trauma is defined as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience” by the Oxford Dictionary. When people (or groups of people) have been impacted by trauma, the concerns they bring to church are significant.

Caring for the Traumatized

Almost everyone will experience trauma at some point in their life, and some have lives filled with trauma. Sexual abuse, parental abandonment, sexual assault, divorce, domestic violence, job loss, death, out-of-wedlock pregnancy and health problems are but a few of the distressing realities of life. Each of these tough challenges inevitably produce conflicts that profoundly aggravate the original trauma. Many people who are traumatized and suffering find themselves feeling betrayed, let down, disappointed and hurt by the church. Church leaders who try to help can end up entangled in conflict and met with complaints from the person they are trying to serve.

One truth rarely discussed openly within the church is that traumatized people, as they struggle with their own pain and suffering, can actually traumatize others. Many in the church report being traumatized by trying to help these hurting individuals.

How Do We Deal With This?

Pastors and other ministry leaders fortunate enough to receive a seminary education frequently arrive at full-time ministry having taken only one basic course in counseling. Few seminary-trained church leaders receive equipping for the one issue they will face weekly within their ministries—conflict. Of those who enter ministry without a seminary degree, most come from backgrounds absent of counseling and training in conflict resolution.

Over the years, I have heard stories from people who were hurt by church leaders who did not respond to serious life issues in a helpful manner.

One client recently shared, “How can this elder’s wife reduce my life into a simple ‘trust God’ pep talk when my world is collapsing?” Another person recently explained, “He just never got it. No matter how many times I tried to explain to my pastor that I needed help, he never took any real steps to help me. No one rescued me when I was being raped, and no one is rescuing me now.”

Life Is Traumatic

Watching the news as a spectator to immense suffering leaves the human heart sore and wounded. When those we love are damaged, we suffer alongside them.

Church leaders are puzzled. Some are afraid. Many are discouraged. Some are traumatized. The question of how best to help, especially given limited time, energy and resources, can be a lingering source of guilt and stress. Pastors who truly care, elders who want to serve and small group leaders who feel called to care for others in their community all eventually share a common question—what do we do?

If the church is going to improve its efforts to do the transformative work of strengthening, encouraging and comforting one another (1 Cor. 14:3), and the healing work of engaging deeply with others to allow for heartfelt confessions of sin (Jas. 5:16), it is time to become better equipped. Further, it is time to see the leadership of our churches encouraged and empowered to do the sacred work of soul care.

Helpful Tips for Dealing With Trauma

1. Expect it. Trauma is everywhere. It is only a matter of time before people in the church experience it. Traumatized people sometimes don’t appear traumatized, but come across as competent and capable—until they are triggered. Once triggered, conflict is sure to come.
2. Prepare for it. Wisdom tells us that preparing to care for deeply hurting people is best done before trauma comes to church. Education and training goes a long way in being prepared for the challenges that trauma brings. Online courses and books are readily available. Experienced caregivers can be enlisted to help train church leaders.
3. Look for it. People who require a lot of pastoral time and care, including those who seem to have conflict follow them in their wake, often have unresolved trauma in their lives. Don’t dismiss the “difficult people” as troublemakers.
4. Press in. When asked, most people will share their stories of trauma if they feel cared for and valued. Learn to ask questions that draw out their stories to gain relevant information to plan the best care possible.
5. Develop a collaborative plan. It is rare when a church leader has the necessary time available to invest in people with unhealed traumas. A collaborative plan involves building a committed, experienced and knowledgeable team of biblical counselors, mentors, and pastors or elders who are working together to help the traumatized person. Since conflict is inevitable when working with traumatized people, training in biblical peacemaking is essential.
6. Don’t refer out! This only adds to the traumatized person’s feelings of isolation and rejection and sends the message “you are too much for us.” Instead, when outside resources are needed, draw the professional helpers in to be part of the team so that care can be coordinated and monitored.
7. Follow up. Healing from trauma is possible. It often takes a long time. When a trauma care team in the church is established, be prepared to follow up regularly for as much as two to three years, and even longer.

A Ministry of Love

Working with traumatized people is a ministry of love. As the Apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, “You yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more” (1 Thess. 4:9-10).

Loving well, especially loving those impacted by trauma, requires commitment that increases “more and more” as the years pass by. Changing our attitude from “haven’t I done enough for them all these years?” to “how can I love them more and more?” will help those in the church honor God when dealing with the challenging realities of trauma.

Questions for Reflection

What do you need to learn to better understand how to help people suffering from trauma? What needs to change in your life so that you have the space and time to care for those in the church who need extra care?

This article originally appeared here.

Too many believers fall into verbal sin, even though the Bible is quite clear about our responsibility to be careful about how we speak:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:29)

“Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” (Eph. 5:4)

If you face a struggle with crude joking, maybe these steps will help you overcome this sin:

1. Admit the problem. I write this post not because I’ve reached perfection in this area, but because I know the struggle. We’ll never fight the problem if we don’t admit it first. Get a prayer partner who will pray with you about your speech.
2. Recognize the consequences. If our words are immoral at any time, why should people listen to us when we talk about the transforming power of the gospel? We deny the gospel when we talk like the world does.
3. Decide to be like Jesus. He spoke words of grace, and He spoke them graciously: “And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth” (Luke 4:22). We need to be like Him.
4. Don’t put junk in your head. It’s easier to joke about sinful stuff when we’ve put the stuff in our head in the first place. When it’s on your mind, it’s not far from your lips.
5. Focus on building up others. That’s what Paul told us to do. If we strive only to build up others—to edify them with our words—we’ll push away from sinful talk.
6. Tell somebody something good about God every day. When you make this commitment, you watch for open doors to praise the Lord each day. Crude jokes don’t fit well in the mind that verbally honors God daily.
7. If necessary, limit time with people you allow to influence you wrongly. Many of us have acquaintances with whom it’s too easy to “let our guard down.” If you don’t have the spiritual strength to be godly around these persons, you may need to see them less often.
8. Quickly confess any failures. One problem with crude joking is that it’s contagious. One joke leads to another, and then to another. If you fall, halt this process by quickly turning to God in confession.

What steps would you add to this list?

This article originally appeared here.

An isolated leader is a dangerous leader. The sting of criticism, the burden of the responsibilities and the pace of leadership can nudge a leader toward isolation, but every step toward isolation is a step toward danger. Sadly, many leaders move toward isolation. They have taken the cliché “it’s lonely at the top” as justification to remove themselves from people. Though there is truth in the cliché, it must not be used to practice unwise and ungodly leadership. Here are six reasons isolated leaders are dangerous.

1. Isolated leaders don’t receive care and encouragement.

Leading is continually challenging, and leaders who don’t receive care and encouragement are in a dangerous position. But isolation makes it impossible to receive care from others.

2. Isolated leaders don’t receive necessary confrontation.

Because no one leader is perfect, every leader needs confrontation at times. An isolated leader removes himself/herself from those opportunities by only being surrounded with people who are unwilling to confront, which means spiritual maturation and growth will suffer. And a ministry leader who is not growing in godliness is dangerous. Healthy ministries are led by healthy ministry leaders.

3. Isolated leaders make foolish decisions.

The writer of Proverbs reminds us that plans fail for lack of counsel (Proverbs 15:22). An isolated leader won’t gain the perspective necessary to lead well.

4. Isolated leaders don’t learn effectively.

Leaders must continually learn, and leaders who are isolated greatly limit their learning, thus greatly limiting their effectiveness.

5. Isolated leaders are divorced from reality.

Isolated leaders are divorced from the reality of their context, so they lead in ways that are out of sync with reality.

6. Isolated leaders are removed from the people they lead.

Leaders are responsible for the people they lead, are responsible to serve and love them well. But an isolated leader can’t love and lead well, thus the people won’t receive the care they need.

This article originally appeared here.

I recently had the opportunity to spend some significant time with 10 talented young millennial church leaders and had a blast! If these leaders are any indication of what the future leaders of the church look like then rest assured, the church is in great hands.

That being said there were a couple of pressure points that came up over and over again in the conversations from different angles.

#1 Anxiety About the Future

It was interesting to listen to these young church leaders discuss their work. They really are passionate and committed to the ministry God has called them to. But they’re also anxious about it. Their ambition to move the ball down the court, help the ministry progress and get things accomplished can keep them from enjoying and receiving the blessings of the very ministry God has given to them. I also picked up on a longing for a future bigger and better role and ministry at the expense of missing the fruit of what’s been given to them today. I’d encourage young leaders to be faithful to whatever God has put in front of you today and let Him be concerned about where He puts you and what He gives you tomorrow.

#2 Relaxing Today

Many of these young leaders referred to the inability to “turn it off.” Anyone who is deeply and personally connected to his or her work can relate to the difficulty of coming home from work and not thinking about work. Being present is essential to health in life and relationships. “Bringing work home with you” can be a recipe to undermine your most important relationships. I’d encourage young leaders to learn to take your weekly days off, scheduling your time off that you have coming to you each year, and put the cell phone down when you’re with your family. If you don’t learn what fuels you and fills you, and then schedule those things into your life, you’ll end up in some kind of a crisis in your 40s or 50s that you could have avoided.

#3 Workload Confusion

It was also intriguing to hear the weight with which they carried the ministry they are involved with. Many young church leaders really do feel as though they are really busy and that one day when they are in a more important role with a more important title, have more authority and more people working for them, that ministry and work will be easier. While I agree that many of them are working hard, I think many are confused about hard work. The weight of and the busyness of doing ministry is a very real thing, but not compared to the weight of leading ministry. I’d encourage young leaders to enjoy the season of ministry they are in, learn as much as they possibly can, and not long for greater responsibility too much because you might get it. And when you do, you may discover that with greater responsibility, more staff and a more important title comes more pressure than you’re feeling today.

This article originally appeared here.

I have often commented that part of my leadership is to create a culture where failure is considered a part of the learning process. It’s OK to fail. As a leader, while it may seem unproductive to some, many times I have watched someone on my team fail. I probably could have stepped in earlier, took control of the project or delegated to someone else more experienced, and saved a failure from happening. I let the failure happen.

Recently, I said something like this at a conference and was questioned afterward. It was a valid question, which went something like this:

I am in the middle of this now and it is tough. Many times I wonder if I should just step in. I am trying to exercise patience. Is there a time you save them from failing?

Great question and that’s a delicate balance. When do you step in and rescue someone and when do you allow the person to possibly fail?

Here is my bottom line response:

The balance for me is in how much the failure will injure them (or the team) versus how much it will teach them (or us).

At times I step in to rescue

Sometimes I can save someone from unneeded heartache. I’m likely to step in and try to help if it wouldn’t teach them as much as it would simply hurt. This includes for them and for the team.

There are failures we can learn from without the need to repeat them. When I was in business, I had people give me fair warning about doing business with certain individuals. I was thankful to avoid the pain of those associations. There would be others I couldn’t see coming and would learn on my own and help others avoid the pain.

Also in business, I learned the secret of making your banker your friend—not your enemy. Unfortunately I learned it the hard way. I have given that piece of advice to dozens of young business owners over the years. That’s a “failure” that impacts the business and everyone in the business.

If the failure is going to derail the progress of everyone on the team, or the recovery is going to be greater than the teaching experience, I’m likely to rescue them.

At times I allow them to fail.

I will admit, this is the harder one, but if I would be stunting the individual’s personal growth by stepping in to rescue them, I may let them fail. Failure is one of life’s greatest educators, so most people grow through trial and error.

If, for example, someone on my team wants to try something new, I may feel it isn’t the best decision, or it isn’t the way I would choose to do it, but I usually can’t guarantee it won’t be a success. Instead of going with my gut, I may let the team member follow his or her gut and take a chance. We may discover a home run and I would happily admit my hunch was wrong. And, either way, it didn’t hurt too much overall, but the individual team member learns something far more valuable that will help them and the team in the future.

Again, the bottom line for me is to discern the greater value:

Growth of a team member by allowing failure, which ultimately helps the overall team.

Or, protecting a team member from needless injury, which could ultimately injure the overall team.

I hope this is helpful in addressing the dilemma. Keep in mind, there are no clear-cut lines on leadership issues like this. Every situation is unique. We keep learning and developing in these areas.

Wow, leadership is hard, isn’t it?

How do you decide when to allow someone to fail and when to save them the agony?

This article originally appeared here.

It happens all the time.

You’ll find yourself in a planning session with a group of leaders, when all of a sudden someone will use one of the well-worn leadership axioms, “Well, just think of what our team can accomplish if no one cares who gets the credit!”

That quote is usually attributed to Harry Truman.

Well, with respect to both Truman and this leader who quoted him, this sentiment is just wrong.

It really does matter who gets the credit.

The sentiment underlying the statement is noble enough. The idea is that we don’t want our cultures to be infected by grandstanding players, vying for individual attention. I get that.

But the idea that you, as a leader, ought to be unaware as to who keeps coming up with your team’s best ideas is not in the best interest of your team, your culture or your leadership.

It really does matter who gets the credit.

You need to know the relative strengths of your team players. You need to know who it is that is consistently, and disproportionately, generating the initiatives that are creating the most ‘wins’ for your organization. And for that to happen it needs to be “OK” in your culture for those top performers to be recognized.

They need to get the credit.

Jack Welch calls this ‘differentiation.’ On his website, Welch puts it this way: “Companies win when their managers make a clear and meaningful distinction between top and bottom performing businesses and people.”

If you have bought into the idea that “it doesn’t matter who gets the credit” step back and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I know who is generating our best ideas?

• Do I know who is launching our most successful initiatives?

• Do I know who is producing the most results?

• Do I know who is the most encouraging person on our team?

• Do I know who is going out of their way to support their teammates’ projects?

If you do, give them the credit.

The whole team will ultimately benefit if credit is given where credit is due.

This article originally appeared here.