Our Children Are Not Trophies

March 6, 2017

This content was originally posted by Paul Tripp on www.paultripp.com.

Today’s devotional is adapted from my brand-new book, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family.

Every human being who has ever lived has asked this question: “Where is my meaning and purpose in life to be found?”

The way you answer that question will determine how you speak to and treat the people in your life. For parents, it specifically impacts the way you interact with your children.

The Bible says that there are only two places for you and me to look for meaning and purpose (or identity). One place to look is vertically from God—from his love and acceptance, his forgiving grace, his constant presence, his power and his promises, and the glory of all of these that he’s showered down on us.

But if you’re not resting in your vertical identity, you will look horizontally, searching to find your reason for living in something in the created world. That could be your possessions, your accomplishments, your career or the people in your life—namely, your spouse and your children.

The problem with this horizontal identity quest is that created things were never designed to give you meaning and purpose. They were never designed to satisfy your heart and give you peace. On the contrary, every good thing in creation is designed to point you to the One who created them and who alone can satisfy.

There are three things that need to be said about trying to get your identity from your children:

It is a very natural thing to do, and a very hard thing to fight. In fact, probably every parent falls into this trap in some way, most times without even knowing it.
Parenting is a miserable place to look for identity. Think about it: You are parenting lost, rebellious, foolish, blind, self-ruling sinners. I’m not picking on your children. I have just described every fallen human being born into God’s world.
It’s a crushing burden for your children to have to get up every morning and carry the heavy load of your identity and all the expectations and demands that flow from it. No child will carry that load well.

Be honest today. How often do you ride the up-and-down roller coaster of their compliance or resistance? How badly do you want them to be successful, not for them, but for you? How personally do you take it when your kid acts like a kid in front of your peers? How frequently do you compare them with other kids?

You see, when we look to our children to give us what we already have in Jesus, we try to make them our trophy children. We push them to succeed, and to look good, and to behave well, not simply because we know it’s best for them, but because we need their success to feel good about ourselves and to give us a reason to get up in the morning.

Parents, this is an exhausting and discouraging way to live. Your children can’t give you life, sturdy hope, worth and peace of heart. They can’t supply the strength to go on, or confidence and courage in the middle of a trial. They can’t give you that ultimate, heart-satisfying love that you long for.

Jesus is your life, and this frees you and your children from the burden of asking them to give you what your Savior has already given. We can do better because of the presence, promises and power of Jesus that have been lavished on us by grace!

To discover the other 13 gospel principles that can radically change your family, visit PaulTripp.com/Parenting.

God bless

Paul Tripp

3 Ways Limits HELP Your Leadership

March 6, 2017

Recently I was pursuing an opportunity that I was really excited about. Not only was it something that I would enjoy, but also it would enable me to be closer to my family and be helpful to the future of The 4Sight Group. I started out cautiously optimistic, and with each step it seemed that this opportunity was going to become a reality. But then a major roadblock emerged unexpectedly and this idea I was pursuing was completely dead.

Done. Over.

I found myself limited by a circumstance beyond my control…resulting, I should mention, in a full-out tantrum. I was so frustrated!

I hate limits. I pride myself in being someone who gets things done. Someone who can overcome any obstacle and make miracles happen. (Think Olivia Pope minus the Scandal!)

I’m energized by possibilities. I’m inspired by ideas.

To a degree, this comes with the territory of a leader. Leaders inspire with hope. We see possibility. We keep people tethered to the vision. We’re the bridge between reality and possibility. We chart the way forward.

That’s why limits are so difficult for us to accept. We’re conditioned to see beyond limits.

But I do believe that limits have a purpose, and a wise leader will pay attention to the limiting factors he or she faces.

THREE GOOD REASONS TO HEED LIMITS

1) Not all possibilities are good. Not all ideas are sound.

Caught up in the thrill of momentum we can begin to believe that every idea will work and that no possibility is bad. We begin to believe we’re invincible and we keep plowing forward as if we are.

Limits, if we pay attention to them, can help us slow down to evaluate and discern what is essential and necessary for this moment or season.

Pay attention if you hear yourself or your team say, “Don’t worry…it will all work out”. There is a difference between faith and foolishness. Discernment is essential.

2) Ignoring limits hurts you and those you lead.

By the nature of our driven-ness, we are not comfortable with complacency. When we have not learned to manage our sense of urgency, we put the proverbial pedal to the metal and go all out.

When we do this, we leave disaster in our wake. Our health suffers. Our family suffers. Our teams and their families suffer. Every circle of our influence is impacted when we don’t recognize and respect limits.

Understanding what drives and motivates us as leaders is imperative because when we abuse limits we hurt others and ourselves.

3) Limits give us perspective.

When we are moving too fast, we don’t have time to observe the landscape and take note of what is around us. In a way, we have tunnel vision and we can miss other concerns that may need to be considered.

When we are limited by something—time, resources or some other unexpected roadblock—it forces us to pull out for a wider view. What are we missing? Is there another way? Do we need to slow down or go another route?

Used intentionally limits may provide perspective that helps us see another way forward.

As one wise mentor once said to me, “There are 9 other numbers between 0 and 10”—meaning my leadership doesn’t have to be all or nothing. When we recognize limits we become more keenly aware of the pace we need to lead.

Extraordinary leaders learn and appreciate the value of limits.

I’m finding myself praying this prayer from Ruth Haley Barton’s book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership:

“God, help us live within the limits of what you have called us to do. Help us live within the limits of who we are—both as individuals and as an organization. Help us give our very best in the field that we have been given to work and to trust you to enlarge our sphere of action if and when you know we are ready. Help us know the difference between being driven by grandiose visions and responding faithfully to the expansion of your work in and through us.”

The Reason You Can’t Find Volunteers

Geoff Surratt

March 6, 2017

Recently on a beautiful drive Sherry and I were comparing notes on what makes a healthy ministry volunteer culture. (Some couples talk about vacations, some about retirement, we brainstorm ministry ideas; that’s just how we roll.) Working with ministries around the world the one question we hear more than any other is, “How do you find good volunteers?” Almost every church is desperate to find more children’s workers, parking lot attendants, ushers, small group leaders and dozens of other volunteer positions. As we drove through the beauty of the Rocky Mountains in early spring we agreed on two basics:

Most churches can’t find enough volunteers because they recruit to the wrong thing.

Having an abundance of volunteers is driven by a healthy volunteer culture.

Let’s look first at recruiting. Whether they intend to or not almost every church appeals to need. The church NEEDS volunteers. We need people to watch children, to hand out bulletins, to count the offering, to lead small groups, to play in the band. We can’t do what we do without volunteers. Imagine what church would be if we didn’t have volunteers; we’d have to shut down programs and change how we do church. We appeal to people’s sense of duty, or to their guilt. We parade the needs of others in front of members hoping they will feel the need to step up to the plate. We remind the congregation that only 20 percent of the people do 80 percent of the work of the church.

As it turns out, recruiting to need is effective with about 20 percent of the people who attend your church. If you are really effective, you may get to 25 percent. The challenge is we are inundated with needs every day. We drive past people with cardboard signs describing their needs. We are challenged at the grocery checkout line to donate to needy children. On TV Sarah McLachlan shows us pictures of sad animals, pleads with us to meet their needs as she sings “In the Arms of the Angels” (I’m not sure who’s in the angels’ arms, but it seems very sad). There are only so many needs we can care about, much less meet, so we draw the line somewhere. For most people the needs at church are low on the list of things they care about enough to help fill, so the appeal to need falls on deaf ears.

If your church or ministry is struggling to find enough volunteers, are you trying to recruit by appealing to need? In the word of the great theologian Dr. Phil, “How’s that working out for you?” The alternative to recruit to need is to build a healthy volunteer culture. It is slower and harder, but is really the only path to accomplishing God’s mission through your ministry. Tomorrow we’ll look at the three crucial building blocks of a healthy volunteer culture.

Franklin Graham Thankful for Controversy in Canada Over Festival of Hope

Megan Briggs

March 6, 2017

Despite the heavy opposition to Franklin Graham headlining the Festival of Hope in Vancouver over this past weekend, the Billy Graham Evangelical Association (BGEA) is reporting “overwhelming” numbers of conversions. In fact, Graham took to a Canadian media outlet to say the controversy aided the packed audience he spoke to at the Rogers Arena.

Months prior to the event, which the BGEA reports over 34,000 people attended over the weekend, a group of concerned clergy and the mayor of Vancouver, Gregor Robertson, asked Graham not to be the one to present the gospel message at the gathering due to his political comments. After receiving a less-than-satisfactory answer from Graham, who proceeded to speak at the event on Sunday, March 5, 2017, the group published their letter to Graham and BGEA. Their congregations, which they said represented 60 percent of the Christians in Vancouver, went so far as to boycott the event.

On Friday before the event started, Graham acquiesced to interviews with media outlets in Vancouver, including CBC News. In an interview released Friday, Graham addressed the churches that opposed his presence, saying, “They certainly have the right to oppose, but they never were supporting me to begin with. The 300 churches that invited me, that invitation is still there and they’re still 100 percent behind me being here.”

Graham went on to invite anyone belonging to those churches to come to the event to “see if the concerns that they’ve had are warranted or not.”

In another video published by CBC News, Graham addresses the mayor’s opposition to him coming by saying, “Thank you Mr. Mayor. You’ve helped us with hundreds of thousands of dollars of publicity. I appreciate that.”

The BGEA released an article Monday morning giving some of the highlights of the event, which they summarize as being a big success. The article says an estimated 1,900 people made decisions to follow Christ, and only a small group of protestors gathered outside the arena.

First Female Pastor Ordained in the Middle East

Megan Briggs

March 6, 2017

On February 26, 2017, a church in Lebanon ordained its first female pastor. Not only is this big news for Tripoli Evangelical Church, but for the entire Middle East. Rola Sleiman is going down in history as the first female pastor to be ordained in the Arab world.

“Christ’s justice has been finally fulfilled,” Sleiman told journalists after her ordination ceremony.

Sleiman was born in Tripoli to a Syrian father and Lebanese mother. Her parents were involved in the church and encouraged their children to be as well. Sleiman’s interest in church went deeper than most, and by the time she was a teenager she considered a role in the church. Sleiman wanted to pursue a degree from the Near East School of Theology in Beirut. She was denied funding, but managed to pay for her education through private funding.

Despite having just been ordained, Sleiman is no stranger to the pulpit. Previously, she served as a preacher and later as a pastor of the Presbyterian Tripoli Evangelical Church, but she had to work within certain limitations to which non-ordained people are required to adhere. For instance, when she officiated a wedding or funeral, a male ordained pastor had to oversee the ceremony. With ordination also comes more responsibility: Sleiman is now able to perform the sacraments of baptism and communion for her congregation. Sleiman’s church is a part of the National Evangelical Synod of Syria and Lebanon, which serves 3,000 members (officially); however Sleiman estimates the actual number of congregants to be three times this.

The 40-year-old Sleiman stepped into the role of pastor in 2007 when the former pastor of Tripoli Evangelical left for the U.S. In his absence, Sleiman temporarily took up the slack in order to keep things going in the church. Of that unexpected transition, Sleiman told reporters, “My conscience did not let me leave my church without a pastor.” A temporary fix eventually led to Sleiman appealing to the church Synod’s Administration Council and putting the decision in the hands of a congregational vote. In 2008 when she was approved to take the title of pastor of Tripoli Evangelical, Sleiman said she received “virtually 100 percent.”

Although people were surprised by the move (including members of the Synod Administration Council), Sleiman said, “The key is that people know me. Maybe they would normally choose a male pastor but because I had served with them they saw what was in me and not just my gender.”

Though the Council was surprised by her request, there is nothing in their theology to warrant excluding women from the role of pastor. When the Synod voted again this year in consideration of her ordination, they voted 23-1 in favor of her. Sleiman told reporters, “Christ is love, and love does not distinguish between men and women.”

If ordaining female ministers is a controversial topic in the U.S., it is even more so in the heavily patriarchal Middle East. A Human Rights Watch Report sums up the plight of women in the Middle East as “unequal and unprotected.” Sleiman recognizes the impact her ordination is going to have on the broader social narrative. She says, “If the church discriminates against women, what should we expect of the state?”

Sleiman’s ordination comes at a time when we are seeing more female clergy in the U.S. as well.

How to Gain a Clear Conscience

Nancy Wolgemuth

March 5, 2017

If we have wronged another, we must humble ourselves and do whatever is required to gain a clear conscience with God and that person.

Reconciliation sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to experience the thrill of having a long-lost friend restored, or of turning an enemy into an ally?

But these things do not just happen. At least one party must take the pathway of humility and accept personal responsibility for any wrong attitudes or actions.

Reconciliation requires that we take whatever steps are necessary to obtain a clear conscience toward those we have offended or wronged in any way. Jesus emphasized this process in His Sermon on the Mount:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-24).

Why is reconciliation with others more important to God than whatever gifts we may offer to Him? How are our relationships with God and others interconnected?

If we recall that another believer has something against us, Jesus said we must stop what we’re doing and deal with it immediately—even if we’re in the middle of a worship service! We are not to proceed any further in our effort to worship, serve or give an offering to Him. We must first go and be reconciled to that offended brother. Until we do, all attempted spiritual activity will be meaningless.

So how do you go about getting a clear conscience? Here are some practical guidelines to help you get started. We’ll look at just the first two steps here, and cover several others later.

Continue

Understanding the Art of Bass EQing

Chris Huff

March 5, 2017

Many a new bass player starts with thumping out the notes in the chords of a song. They are mixed then as low-end filler. As they progress in their skill as a bassist, are you still mixing them as an afterthought? Check out these eight key frequency ranges you can use to bring out the great sonic character of a bass.

Sitting in the sanctuary, I watched the worship band practice. Most everyone sounded great. And then there was the bassist. He was playing the triad notes of the chords in the song’s chord progression. Nothing inspiring. He was, at most, adding to the low-end of the song. This was 20 years ago and before I started working in audio, but I could tell what was lacking.

Years later, I’ve seen this same bassist and he’s become a great bass player. He can play funk, pop, rock and county. Each of these styles has a different bass sound. And each of these requires a different type of mixing.

Let’s get to proper mixing

The sound of the bass is more than just a low-end addition.

The sound of the bass affects:

the sound of the instrument
the sound of the song
the feeling of the congregation about the worship

If you’ve ever listened to a bass solo in jazz or even in rock or county, it’s obvious that the bass has a distinct sound. This comes from how the musician is playing the bass but also the genre of music. Therefore, let’s look at how you can get the best sound for the instrument, for the song, and mix it in a way that supports the worship experience.

The Frequency Range of a Bass

The low E on the bass runs around 40 Hz. Now just up two octaves to another E and you have 165 Hz. This doesn’t mean the bass frequencies only exist below 200 Hz. Just like any instrument, by the time you look at the fundamentals and the harmonics, you can be looking frequencies as high as 6-7 kHz. It’s easy to think of the bass only as “low end” but as you can see, it’s so much more than that. Let’s examine how you can alter these frequencies for a better sounding bass.

The Eight Key Ranges

There is a lot you can sculpt with bass EQ—well, there is a lot more frequency range than you might think. Without going overboard, here are eight ranges and the type of work you can perform in each area.

Boomy (40 Hz – 90 Hz)
Fat (75 Hz – 150 Hz)
Thin (40 Hz – 180 Hz)
Power (40 Hz – 150 Hz)
Impact (40 Hz – 150 Hz)
Clarity (190 Hz – 800 Hz)
Presence (800 Hz – 6.5 kHz)
Attack (120 Hz – 4.1 kHz)

Those first five are all sub-200 Hz. However, look at what you can do above that. Presence and attack can reach as far as 6.5 kHz. Then we have what might be the most important of all: clarity.

Using a digital mixer with the ability for multiple areas of boosts and cuts, you can do a lot. But what can you do with the analog boards? Analog boards come in a variety of EQ designs, from a single sweeping mid design to sweeping mid’s for “high mids” and “low mids.” In the case of the single sweeping mid, focus on clarity and/or presence. In the case of mixers with the two sweeping mids, you’ve got quite a bit more to work with. In the end, when you have limited EQ control, focus on clarity, presence and the fat/thin.

Continue

Do We “Judge Not” or Not?

Marty Duren

March 5, 2017

“Judge not, lest ye be judged.” —Jesus (Matthew 7:1)

“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” —Jesus (John 7:24)

“Judge not.” —Everyone else and their third cousin

There is perhaps no more oft used biblical verse—and nearly always used wrongly—than Matthew 7:1.

Second Chronicles 7:14? A contender, but no. Jeremiah 29:11? Nope. They are used wrongly by Christians often, but Matthew 7:1 is misused by believers and nonbelievers alike. Repeatedly. As in, all the time.

It is sometimes shortened to “Judge not,” as if that clears things up. It’s a meme for theological fragmentation. We have pieced together from theology garments so threadbare “judge not” leaves us shivering.

If “one verse in Leviticus” is used by believers to bludgeon unbelievers, “judge not” is the dagger used on the unwitting by unbelievers and believers alike.

Here are a few things to remember when confronted with this verse or a fragment thereof:

Identifying sin is not reserved for sinless people. If it was, Jesus would not have commanded us to judge; no, not ever. Jesus expects His followers to recognize sin, warn people to avoid it and avoid it ourselves.

This means the “Who am I to judge?” canard is without scriptural merit. Often followers of Jesus use this as an excuse to not deal with our own sin, but this will not wash. Yes, “I sin, too,” but that realization should lead to confession and repentance, rather than be a barrier to helping others.

Not judging can cut both ways. When a person says “judge not” they often are: 1) making a judgment themselves, 2) concluding that you have judged wrongly, and 3) ignored the possibility their own admonition could be erroneous. Such judgments hold little weight. When “judge not” becomes an excuse to continue in sin the scripture is stripped of efficacy.

Jesus commands us to judge rightly. There is a biblical standard by which all motives and actions are judged. No human can infallibly determine the motives of another. Judging motives is dangerous business and should be left to God. Making a judgment that stealing, murder, adultery, taking God’s name in vain, lying and the like are wrong, however, is rightly judging. Jesus commands rather than forbids righteous judgment.

Jay Sanders notes the context of “Judge not lest ye be judged”: Jesus is forbidding the self-righteous variety of judging. This is the real crux of the problem: duplicity. As often as revealing another’s sin, judging may reveal our own hypocrisy. When I attempt to point out the sin of another while committing sin myself (the mote and the beam), I am a hypocrite. It doesn’t mean the judgment is wrong in itself; it does mean I stand to be condemned for my own sin.

In John 5:30 Jesus explains a basis for judging rightly, “My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me” (NKJV, emphasis mine). My gut-check is whether my will aligns with the Father’s will.

“Fruit inspecting” is a form of judging. A less well-known New Testament verse is, “You will know them by their fruits.” In other words, you can determine whether a person is an authentic follower of Jesus by watching how they live. For Jesus, a person’s actions revealed truth more than their words. Judging is not commanded in this verse, but it is implied, and clearly so. Scripture as the basis of inspecting the fruit is also implied. Wisdom dictates fruit inspecting should be done with care so as not to bruise the apples.

Followers of Jesus should not be scared off by the crowd squawking “judge not” like a pandemonium of drunken parrots. Nor should we rush in where angels fear to tread, since our judgement is not infallible. Instead let us judge righteously, ever mindful the Judge of all the earth does right, and that He alone is the lawgiver who is able to save and destroy.

(Much more could be written about this subject. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-33 should be studied in depth.)

Do Less Better: The Secret to Being More Productive

Brandon Hilgemann

March 5, 2017

What if the secret to productivity is doing less, not more?

We have more distractions than ever before.

We have to manage multiple social media accounts, check our email, reply to text messages, and navigate the ability to always be connected and work anywhere anytime because of the powerful computers in our pockets that we call a phone.

I’ve been reading a lot about productivity this year.

Everything is about how to get more done. How to optimize your time so you can work harder.

Seriously, I read a book that suggested sleeping only four hours a night so you could get up super early and outwork everyone. What a terrible idea!

It’s always more, more, more.

And I cannot help but feel that all these productivity “gurus” are wrong.

Yes, you could do more. We could always do more. But doing more doesn’t equal productivity. In fact, I believe many of us are less productive than ever because we are doing too much.

Doing too much decreases the quality of our work. So although we may get “more” done, all we have accomplished is more mediocrity.

What if instead of doing more, you did less?

What if you took a hard look at your life and decided just to stop doing all the stuff that didn’t move the needle?

Do you have to be on social media? Do you need to respond to every email?

I’m a believer of the 80/20 rule. It says that 80 percent of our work gets 20 percent of the results, and 20 percent of the work gets 80 percent of the results.

That tweet that you spent 15 minutes working on, and had two likes, got practically zero results. But that big project you finished moved your organization forward.

Over the last month, I have seen this work in my life. Nothing moves the needle for my ability to help more pastors like writing a book.

I have been writing my upcoming book for months, but as I moved toward the finish line, I had way too much going on. I was not going to finish this massive project any time soon because I was so distracted by less important things.

So I hit the pause button. I put everything that I could on hold or autopilot for 30 days. I still had responsibilities that I could not set aside, but I intentionally procrastinated on many things until later.

The results? I finished the final edits of the book, finalized the cover design, and finished recording and editing the audiobook. It’s all set to launch next week!

In 30 days, I was able to do more to move the needle on my book project than I would have in 90 days otherwise. I went from an incomplete manuscript to a finalized, physical book in my hand.

Here’s my point: Pastors fall into this trap so fast that it’s not even funny.

We have to answer the phones, check email, manage social media, write sermons, deliver sermons, create slides, create videos, manage volunteers, create graphics and promotional materials, manage people, visit hospitals, teach classes, lead small groups, create small group materials, balance the budget, change the lightbulbs, plan outreach events, plan mission trips, and anything else the day throws our way.

What if you just stopped. What might happen if you dropped everything you don’t need to do and only did the things that make the biggest impact?

We can get so caught up in doing good things that we neglect doing great things.

So eliminate, delegate and automate everything else, and (as Andy Stanley says) only do what only you can do.

You will get 100 percent more done by doing less than you will ever get done by doing more.

Plus, you will make room for others to use their gifts to serve in the positions you have been occupying.

Stop trying to do more. Do less better.

Don’t Become Obsolete: 5 Simple Next Gen Ministry Tips

Brandon Cox

March 5, 2017

Somehow we’ve gotten a little confused about the essence of leadership. If you think it’s all about getting bigger, going higher, and commanding more respect and attention from others, you’ve missed the point.

Leadership is all about giving everything we’ve got to others. If we have knowledge, wisdom and insight, we lead by giving it away. We grow by investing in others.

There is an entire generation of up-and-coming leaders who need elders. They need fathers, models, mentors and friends. And leadership is, among many other things, the willingness to lead the next generation of leaders.

Becoming obsolete is easy. All you have to do is stay on the path of least resistance, pay the least cost, and think only about yourself and your own success.

To avoid becoming obsolete, try one of these tips for leading the next generation…

Grab Coffee

Can you lead from a distance? Sure. But if all you do is lead from a distance, you are severely limiting your opportunity to lead to your fullest potential.

And that’s why coffee is so important (and espresso is even better!). Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone makes a pretty excellent point. Every time you eat (or have coffee) alone, you’re missing out on one of the most opportune moments for mentoring.

Aside from those rare times when you really just need to work alone for a while, always ask yourself, who could do coffee with me?

Give Resources

A few years ago, a mentor of mine gave me a copy of Jeffrey Gitomer’s book The Little Black Book of Connections. I’ve since given away a few dozen copies. I keep a few in my car for when I’m doing coffee with a young leader.

That book taught me a big lesson about leadership—that if you want to succeed, add value to people’s lives. And Jeffrey was saying it before it was so cool to say it.

When you come across a great book about leadership, buy an extra copy to give away. And when you use an app that makes you more productive, share about it on social media.

Continue

“I’m Sorry IF…” + 4 Huge Apology Mistakes

Scott Cochrane

March 5, 2017

Ever had to apologize as a leader?

Sure you have.

Any leader worth their salt will have taken a misstep somewhere along the line, and have had to own up to the error.

But these days it seems that an entire industry has emerged designed to coach leaders on ways to apologize without ever owning up the error they’ve made.

I’m sure you’ve seen these.

It’s the insincere politician. It’s the shallow celebrity. It can be anyone who feels compelled to apologize, but who manages to sound apologetic, without ever really acknowledging their wrong-doing.

As a leader, your integrity matters too much to mess up when it comes to the apology. That’s why you need to be careful to avoid what I call “The 5 Sorry Sorries.”

The “I’m Sorry If…” Apology

Some celebrities and politicians have become masters of this one.

It usually goes like this: “I’m sorry if my drunken behavior caused you any offence…”

We hear the word “sorry,” so we think that was an apology. But it really wasn’t.

Let your “sorry” be “sorry.” Take out the “if.”

**The “I’m Sorry, But…” Apology**

Ever heard one like this?

“I’m sorry for being so rude, but I was really tired.”

Again, it sort of sounds like an apology, because it contains the word “sorry.” However, as soon as you insert the word “but,” it really isn’t an apology anymore.

The “I’m Sorry to Everyone” Apology

An apology should be limited to the person or people directly offended by the offense.

If you wronged a member of your board, you don’t have to apologize to the entire congregation.

**The “I’m Sorry for Everything” Apology**

A friend of mine was asked by his church to issue a public apology for a series of leadership missteps, most of which were well beyond his responsibility.

Own your stuff, but don’t own everyone else’s stuff.

**The “I’m Sorry…Eventually” Apology**

The expression “justice delayed is justice denied” has a cousin; “An apology delayed is an apology denied.”

Don’t make the mistake of waiting too long to issue your apology. Own up as soon as reasonably possible.

Let’s face it. If you’re in leadership for any length of time, you will blow it at some point. And you will need to issue an apology.

But by avoiding these sorry “sorries” you can make your road back to credibility much smoother.

What have you learned about saying “sorry” in your leadership?

Pray Something Big Before You Eat

Marshall Segal

March 3, 2017

What do we pray before we eat together as a family?

Our familiar chorus, for as long as I can remember, was this simple prayer: God is good, God is great, and we thank him for this food. It wasn’t our only mealtime prayer, just the one my parents taught us when we were small in size and vocabulary.

A child (or an adult) really can do well growing a heart into those first six words. All of life hangs on the greatness of God. He is great beyond our wildest imaginations—big, sovereign, all-knowing, unstoppable. And he is thoroughly and unwaveringly good—never sinning, never doing wrong, always acting for those who love him.

“Good” and “great” say a lot, and yet after a while, not nearly enough. They are accurate claims, but without more specific examples, the praise can begin to feel plastic. So, when Mom or Dad prayed over our dinner, they often reached for different language—words, phrases and realities that made “good” and “great” mean something for us.

Four Prayers for Mealtime

Any meal is a miracle worth celebrating, but again, after a while, it may not feel like a miracle anymore—someone bought the groceries with money again, someone prepared the food again and here we are eating essentially the same meal again.

It doesn’t seem like a miracle, unless we see it in the light of many other miracles God is doing all the time. Unless we see the same God who put mashed potatoes on our plate also formed the mountains, the same God who brought these vegetables from seed to harvest to table also governs the stars, the same God who supplies us with what we need for each day also feeds every bird and squirrel and fish.

Psalm 104 models that kind of praying, connecting the dots between the simplest things in life, like our daily food, and the most enormous and complicated, like weather patterns, food chains and galaxies—and connecting them all with God. When you pause to pray before a meal, pray something big.

1. Compare God to the biggest things in the universe.

God, you stretched out the heavens like a tent (Psalm 104:2).
You make the clouds your chariot (Psalm 104:3).
You put the mountains in their place (Psalm 104:5).
You poured the oceans, and drew its shoreline (Psalm 104:6, Psalm 104.9″ data-version=”esv” data-purpose=”bible-reference”>9).
You dug out every valley (Psalm 104:8).

There are a dozen or so big ones—heavens, oceans, mountains, forests—but a thousand more things bigger than you to choose from—volcanos, beaches, caves, rivers. Choose one, and try to be unpredictable. Hop on National Geographic quick for inspiration, if you need it. Your family’s faith will be bigger, and your hearts fuller, for getting another glimpse of God’s glory in his world.

2. Look at how God provides for the smallest living things.

God, you make sure every animal has the water it needs (Psalm 104:10–11).
You build homes for the birds in the branches of your trees (Psalm 104:12, Psalm 104.17″ data-version=”esv” data-purpose=”bible-reference”>17).
You cause the grass to grow, every blade, as food for the livestock (Psalm 104:14).
You water your worldwide garden of the tallest trees and the smallest flowers (Psalm 104:16).
You build a high place for the goats, and hide the badgers in safety (Psalm 104:18).

God not only feeds your family of seven, but in remarkable ways the world’s family of seven billion, and beyond that, innumerable plants and creatures, large and small. “The young lions roar for their prey, seeking their food from God” (Psalm 104:21). Why do we so easily forget?

Continue

The Marriage You Want

Gary Thomas

March 3, 2017

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve heard me talking a lot lately about cherishing our spouse.

What does cherish mean?

How is cherish different from love?

I recently came across a brilliant description of cherishing your spouse that was written hundreds of years ago by a surprising source. I say “surprising” because John Wesley taught about marriage better than he lived it. This quote shows he surely understood how husbands (and wives) are supposed to act, even if he found it difficult to live it out:

“The wife is to have the highest place in the husband’s heart, and he in her’s. No neighbor, no friend, no parent, no child should be so near and dear to either as the other… They must do more, and suffer more, for each other than any other in all the world…the husband must do or leave undone, anything he can, that he may please his wife…in diet, attire, choice of company and all things else, each must fulfill the other’s desire as absolutely as can be done, without transgressing the law of God… Helpful fidelity consists in their mutual care to abstain from and prevent whatever might grieve or hurt either.”

Does anyone not want a marriage like this? Two people so closely aligned, so dedicated to the other’s welfare, that nothing else will come in between them save the presence and will of God. I think all of us would, in an ideal world, desire a marriage like this; we just don’t think it’s possible. At least, not in the marriage we’re in.

But it is. We can learn to cherish each other.

The call to cherish lifts our marriage to a new level because it sets the bar higher. We’re not just sacrificing for each other or persevering through difficult times (important as these may be), but we’re intent on shaping our hearts and minds and habits to look at, think about and even adore our spouses in a special way.

Love and cherish are like two interchangeable gears, pushing each other forward. Love pushes cherish forward by providing the strength, the will and the endurance to continue. Absent love, cherish will quickly fade, like a momentary infatuation. But love without cherish quickly slips into duty instead of delight. If we focus only on doing the right things without thinking the right things and shaping our hearts, marriage can feel like a burden instead of a blessing.

When we learn how to cherish, it’s easier to love, just as when we love, it’s easier to cherish. The two are interlocking gears that push our marriage forward in the right direction.

My new book’s official release date is Monday, January 9, but somebody has already stopped me and asked me to sign one, so stores must be getting them in already.

There’s still a few days left for you to take advantage of the pre-release special that gives you two books for the price of one as well as an audio download. You can find that at www.garythomas.com/cherish.

Are You Running on Empty?

Ben Reed

March 3, 2017

When I started driving at age 16, I bought a little Toyota Tercel. It was old at the time. It was a little beat up, and if you wanted to make it up a big hill you had to turn the A/C off. But I didn’t care. I was proud of that thing.

I remember one day pulling in to a gas station to get a drink. I had half of a tank of gas left, but figured that since I was there, I might as well fill up. I noticed it took longer than normal to fill up. Thinking it was just a slow pump, I went on. A couple of weeks later, I was still at 3/4 of a tank but decided to fill up again. It took a long time again.

As I pulled out, the gauge jumped from full to empty to full. I pulled over to the side of the road.

I didn’t know what was going on, and I was just praying I would make it home. As I looked down at the gas gauge again, it was full. Completely.

And I was confused. Completely.

The next day, I was on empty again. But before I could pull in to the station, the needle had gone back to full.

What was happening was the mechanism that controlled the needle telling me how much gas I had in the tank was broken. So on a 10-minute drive across town, I would go from full to empty a dozen times. It was maddening. And anxiety-producing.

When I thought I was full of gas, I’d been running on empty.

Are you running on fumes?

It’s entirely possible that you’re running on fumes but you don’t know it. It’s possible you could be out of fuel but think you’ve got a full tank. Cruising around town, you’re about to have to call a tow truck.

If you’re a leader, you’re in an even greater danger of not just taking yourself out of service, but taking others with you.

God has given us some gauges to help us know whether our spiritual tanks are full or not.

Sometimes they are broken (though more often than not, the problem is that we choose to ignore the warning signs). I’ve found that some of the best gauges are actually questions you can ask yourself.

Five ways to know you’re running on empty

1. How’s your family?
Start with this question. Because your family (or those closest to you) know you often better than you know yourself. And they’re a great indicator for you. If they’re worn out, but you don’t feel that way, your gauge might be broken. You may be physically, emotionally and spiritually running them ragged. Check that gauge.

Our hearts deceive ourselves, and we need others to help us see what we’re blind to. Those that know us best can help. Have you ever asked them?

2. Are you growing more anxious?
The Bible says to be anxious about nothing (Philippians 4:6-7), which is easier said than done. We can easily find ourselves anxious about everything. Finances, job security, spiritual growth, physical health, parenting issues, retirement and tomorrow’s to-do list keep you up all night.

If you’re growing anxious, you’re running on empty.

3. Are you growing less patient?
Patience is a sign of peace. And peace is a sign of rest. And rest is a product of intentionally sabbathing.

Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city. —Proverbs 16:32

If you find yourself with a short fuse, with patience constantly out of reach, you’re closer to *empty* than you think.

4. Are you resting well?

And I don’t just mean “are you sleeping enough,” though that may be part of it.

Are you working so hard you need the rest? And resting so well you need the work?

5. Are you feeling less fulfilled?
Fulfillment comes from doing what God created you to do. That’s based on your spiritual gifts, your heart, your abilities, your personality and experiences (HN: Class 301 at Saddleback). So your interpreting a lack of fulfillment isn’t your job’s fault. Or your marriage’s. Or your local church’s. Or your home’s. It’s a by-product of a heart that’s searching for fulfillment in the wrong places. Here’s where life’s found:

And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life. —The Apostle John, 1 John 5:11-12

A lack of fulfillment should signal to you that your gauge should be on empty. Time to fill up.

Have you been running on empty and didn’t even know it?

Canadian Clergy to Franklin Graham: Your Political Comments Compromise the Mission of Jesus

Megan Briggs

March 3, 2017

UPDATE:

Franklin Graham responded to critics in an interview with a Vancouver news station. The BGEA is calling the Festival of Hope a success.

The Billy Graham Evangelical Association’s (BGEA) Festival of Hope is scheduled to start tonight, March 3, 2017 in Vancouver, Canada. On the docket is a gospel message to be given by Franklin Graham. Last week, clergy representing 60 percent of the 1 million Christians in the progressive city asked Graham not to come to his own event.

On Friday, February 24, 2017, the leaders issued a public letter expressing their concerns over Graham headlining the event, which is intended to “draw thousands of people to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ.” The reason: Graham’s ties with the unpopular President Trump.

Evangelical, Catholic and mainline Protestant leaders were already compiling their concerns when the mayor of Vancouver, Gregor Robertson, approached them in February to discuss the security threat Graham represented. According to the letter released by the clergy, Robertson and the Vancouver Police Department perceived Graham’s appearance as potentially inciting violence.

In their letter, the clergy articulate the thrust of their concern over Graham’s appearance at the Festival this way:

“Our concern is that the contentious and confrontational political and social rhetoric that Mr. Graham has used has the potential to overshadow the message of Jesus and incite hostility in our highly charged social climate.”

And, more pointedly:

“Regrettably, Franklin Graham’s public comments appear to compromise Jesus’s mission of love and justice for all.”

The letter goes on to detail the specific things Graham has said about Muslims, LBGTQ+ persons and the election of President Trump:

“All Muslims should be banned from the United States because Islam is a “very evil and wicked religion” at war with the Christian West;
LGBTQ+ persons should not be allowed to enter churches or even enter as guests into Christian homes, because “the Enemy [Satan] wants to devour our homes”;
The outcome of the recent U.S. presidential election was due to “the hand of God,” giving the impression that the Christian church as an institution is partisanly aligned with an administration and its policies.”

The letter is careful to cite its sources for these documented statements made by Graham, and even includes a link to a website that contains even more of Graham’s controversial rhetoric.

An even greater concern arises in the letter: that of Graham’s perceived intention of aligning the Christian church with the “administration and policies of U.S. President Donald Trump.” The letter calls such “blending of politics and religion” dangerous, and says it develops “a false religious narrative to support an exalted and troubling American nationalism.” To state the obvious, these are no small concerns the letter addresses.

According to The Montreal Gazette, the group has been trying to negotiate with Graham’s team for almost a year. The group decided to release their letter to the public eye after they received a response they felt was inadequate on Graham’s part. In a cover letter attached, the group explains they were encouraged that “he gave us a gracious response and has publicly pledged to avoid controversial topics while in Vancouver and to focus on the ‘simple Gospel.’” However, they went ahead releasing the letter due to the fact that “Mr. Graham has neither retracted nor sufficiently addressed the harmful statements to which we drew his attention.”

The event in question is free to the public and features several big-name Christian musicians, including Hillsong Young & Free, Phil Wickham, For King & Country, Michael W. Smith and The Afters. Representatives of BGEA Canada say they have been praying and preparing for the event for several months. The event site does not say when exactly Graham will be speaking, but he has confirmed he will speak sometime during the March 3-5 schedule.

Graham last held a festival in Canada in 2014, the Greater Toronto Festival of Hope, and has led several other events in Canada, the first of which was in 1989. BGEA will be streaming the event on its site.

3 Ways Hymn Meters Provide Meaning

Bobby Gilles

March 2, 2017

In Poetic Meter and Form, Paul Fussell, Jr. explains three ways in which meter can “mean,” by itself, apart from the meaning imparted through the particular words of a metrical poem, and apart from the melody, rhythm and musical arrangement of a hymn:

Meter Is a Ritual Frame That Points to Something Beyond

Imagine a hymn’s meter as a picture frame—an artifice that reminds us we are not experiencing a real object (the actual story or teaching that the lyrics describe) but are experiencing the real object “transmuted into symbolic form.”

In this way, hymns point to something larger than themselves: the truth of the gospel. “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross” by Isaac Watts drives us to the story of the cross in the Bible, and our own feelings about it. It does so through the utilization of Long Meter (lines of eight syllables each). One look at the text tells us we are getting the story of the cross and one man’s response to it, in a format that breaks each line off at the same length as the other lines. We instinctively know there must be more to the story than can be contained in those chiseled lines.

Meter Is a Force That Allows for Variation, Which Provides New Context

Great writers frequently break “the rules,” but what separates these writers from amateurs is that they know the rules, and they have developed a feel for when, why and how to break them. Too much metrical precision can produce a “greeting card” sing-song effect. Variation, in the right place, creates powerful emotional effects.

As I write in my Modern Hymns page, Stuart Townend and Keith Getty’s “In Christ Alone” does this by shifting the syllabic emphasis on even-numbered lines. The odd numbered lines deliver a truism in a stately fashion that begins with an unaccented syllable and crescendos to an accented final syllable at line’s end (we call this an iambic line). Then the even lines provide a pattern (called “trochaic“) that breaks those stately bonds and exclaims further truth from the very first syllable, which is strongly accented:

Then BURsting FORTH in GLOrious DAY
UP from the GRAVE He ROSE aGAIN!

Getty’s music carries the pattern of Townend’s lyric (I believe Getty wrote the music first).

A Given Meter Transmits Certain Meanings Regardless of the Words Used

This is why a limerick is a bad choice for a song about the cross:

There once was a man on a cross,
He paid such a horrible cost
Was battered and bruised
Mistreated, abused,
He died there to save all the lost

The form itself is so ideal for light or humorous topics that it makes the crucifixion seem flippant. Do you see that? Read the limerick aloud. Even with words like “horrible,” “battered” and “abused,” it doesn’t feel devastating.

Contrast this with the trochaic 77.77.77 meter of James Montgomery’s “Go to Dark Gethsemane”:

See Him at the judgment hall,
Beaten, bound, reviled, arraigned,
O the wormwood and the gall!
O the pangs His soul sustained!
Shun not suffering, shame or loss;
Learn of Christ to bear the cross.

This meter is a vastly superior choice for such a topic. We feel the passion right from the start with those trochaic imperatives and declaratives: SEE! BEAten! O! O! SHUN! LEARN!

The skilled worship songwriter and the careful hymn tune composer will study the hymns of the past to learn what kind of meters work best for different topics, moods and melodies.

This Cancer Is Killing the Church

Phillip Monroe

March 2, 2017

There is a serious problem within protestant evangelical Christianity. We love right preaching and teaching more than we love right living. We love power and authority more than sacrifice and submission. We love honor over humility. We love being led by popular leaders who make us feel good more than following the despised and rejected One—who has no “beauty or majesty to attract us to him” (Isa 53).

We want King Saul over young David.

Of course I do not accuse all protestant Christians nor all leaders with this charge. And yet, we must all own this problem together. It is not merely the Catholic Church that has covered up abuse or used power to protect itself. While the system of the Catholic Church enables a wider and deeper cover-up, we have all of the same issues on a (slightly) smaller scale.

A picture of a true leader of God’s church…and the opposite

Leaders of the church are to be representatives of Jesus, individuals set apart to be under-shepherds. They are to care for the flock. And what do we need? We need teaching, encouragement, comfort and rebuke in their proper times and measures. But most of all we need our leaders to be images/examples of our true Shepherd.

Quite simply, the good shepherd is one who lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11) and who feeds, carries and gently leads (Isa 40:11). Of course this is a picture of a powerful leader. Only one with power who knows right and wrong can choose to sacrifice rights and become smaller for the purpose of care of the most vulnerable.

But we have a pattern of enabling self-promoting leaders of the flock. These want to be listened to, respected and followed for their own sake. Sure, they may speak of the Gospel of grace, but how do they live it? How do they treat the ones who have the least power? How do they handle criticism? Do they even have a Paul (wise older leader with a track record of being willing to encourage and also say hard things) to speak to them as he did to Timothy? Or would they tolerate one who spoke to them as Paul did to Peter when he acted out of accord with the Gospel (Gal 2:11f)?

It seems that when we do see brokenness in our leaders we tend to excuse it, especially when their gifts are attractive and the ones revealing these flaws are expendable.

Consider this warning

What makes Jesus angry? The New Testament records a few instances of expressed anger: Money changers, self-righteous religious leaders, hindering children and the pain of death (Lazarus). We see it most clearly in his language toward the religious leaders when he calls them “brood of vipers…white washed tombs…hypocrites.”

Continue

6 Leadership Truths We Can Learn From Legos

Ben Reed

March 2, 2017

4016.

That’s the number of pieces in the Lego set my son and I are building. It’s called the Death Star, and it’s even more epic than I anticipated. He saved his money for a long time to get it, and it hasn’t disappointed. Every single day, Rex asks if we can build a little more of it. So naturally, I’ve used it as the hook to “finish your homework then we can build a little.”

I love the time spent with my son, using our minds and our hands together. It’s good for his development, and for mine. It’s good for our relationship. And I’ve found that we can have meaningful discussions about the most important things in life while we’re working together…even more so than if we were to sit down and have a face-to-face talk. Boys seem to respond better talking side-by-side.

But enough about that.

Did you know that you can learn a little about leadership development* from Legos? (Actually, you can learn a bit about leadership from almost every aspect of life if you look for it.)

Six Leadership Development Truths Legos Teach

1. They don’t build themselves. No Lego set has ever spontaneously built itself.

No person has ever built themselves either. There are no truly self-made men/women. We are all a product of the communities where we live: our city, our church, the five people closest to us, our small group, our hobbies, our experiences, etc.
If you want to grow in your leadership, surround yourself with people who lead like you want to lead.

2. It’s as much about the process as it is the destination. We’re having as much fun building the set as we will ever have with the set once it’s “done.”

Development happens in the doing, not simply in the “learning.” It’s as you lead that you learn to lead. Books, seminars and Ted talks can only take you so far. I’ve heard it said that “community” is both the goal and the means of achieving the goal of the church. The same is true of leadership development.
Leadership development is both the goal and the means of achieving it.

3. The destination is vital. Without instructions, the Lego set is a bunch of mismatched pieces.

Knowing what you’re developing toward is important, otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels. But when you have a destination in mind, it gives you the freedom to know what to say yes to…and what to turn down. It points you in the direction you need to go. We are all lumps of clay in the hand of the potter, who makes of us something beautiful and useful, giving our daily grind purpose and meaning.
Without a destination, you’ll hit it every time.

4. Improvisation is crucial. We’ve lost so many of those pieces. And a blue 2×2 just adds character where a light gray 2×2 should be.

Leadership development is not simply a series of formulas you follow. You can’t check all of the boxes and magically be developed. The development happens as you improvise throughout life. That’s called wisdom.
Leadership is a purpose-driven art.

5. There’s a special tool for when you make mistakes. I love that Lego assumes you’ll make mistakes.

Our development will be fraught with mistakes. And there’s a tool we need day after day after day: grace. Grace for others. And grace for ourselves. Grace that we’re not perfect, nor will we ever be. (There’s also a proactive tool to help us make fewer mistakes: constantly learning.)

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. —Paul, 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

6. It’s never done. There’s always another piece you can add to make it more awesome. And over time it breaks down, revealing more holes.

Leadership development isn’t a “thing” you put on your to-do list. It’s a process that changes throughout life, in different seasons, ups and down, highs and lows. Different seasons expose different weaknesses that invite more development.

Have the end in mind, but remember that the best leaders are always in development.

*Another word for “leadership development” is discipleship. Because we’re called as followers of Jesus to be disciples, constantly learning and growing in the way we know, love, follow and lead others to do the same.

When God Calls You Out

Jonathan Parnell

March 2, 2017

Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:9

If we don’t sometimes feel like we’re “in over our heads,” it may be that we’re not following Jesus where he calls us.

Paul names it the “sentence of death”—that’s how he felt about the sufferings and complexities of his ministry. It was true affliction, a burden so heavy that he admits he lacked the strength to carry it. He was sinking, despairing even of life itself. The apostle Paul—to the extreme—was “in over his head.” And God did this in order to, as Paul says, “make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9).

The situations that stretch us come in varying degrees. Some are intense like Paul’s, others are scattered along the spectrum of the great unknown, where fear runs rampant and our faith feels small. But whatever they are, however hard they feel, we know why they come. It’s just what Paul says.

God brings trials into our lives to give us more of himself. Their purpose is that we might not rely on ourselves—not look to ourselves for salvation or hope or joy—but that we might rely on him. The purpose is that we would lean on God, that we’d fix our eyes on his glory, clinging to the truth that in Jesus he is always enough for us. Always.

This is the truth that resounds in the depths to which God calls us. He invites us to step out and follow him. To dream. To plan. To build. He invites us to put our hands to work for his name’s sake, not based upon our expertise or know-how or giftedness. He invites us here based upon who he is himself.

He invites us here because he knows that it is here, unlike anywhere else, that our souls must rest in his embrace. It’s here, above and beyond every other place, where his children must grasp the wonder of what it means to be his own. Because of the cross and victory of Jesus, we are his and he is ours. We are his people and he is our God. We are his children and he is our Father. He is enough.

And he will prove his enough-ness to us. He will show us time and time again that all we need is found in him. All that we lack finds an abundance in his grace. Yes, we would fail. The weight is too much and, like Paul, we can’t carry this in our own strength. But God is here. His sovereign hand is our guide. His heart of mercy is our anchor. He will make our faith stand. He will be our God in Jesus Christ.

And so, let us go. Let us step out, following him farther than our feet could ever wander. Let us walk upon those waters, in over our heads, not relying on ourselves, but holding fast to him, trusting in him, casting all our hope on him. Because he really is enough.

Social Media & Teens: Understanding Digital Natives, Pt. 1

Michael Guyer

March 2, 2017

This semester we are doing a sermon series titled: “Can We Talk? Your Questions. Honest Answers. Real Life.” Our desire is to speak to relevant issues facing teenagers today. Some of the topics ahead of us are: social media & video games, homosexuality, gender identity, alcohol/marijuana, friendship & dating, college & career, loneliness & anxiety, science & evolution, racism & racial reconciliation, and Christianity & world religions. These are issues students have raised and issues that we think are pressing against many teenagers in our culture. I will be sharing the content from those sermons and further reflection on the topics each week. I look forward to further interaction and feedback from other student ministry leaders

Parents and Teenagers – Digital Immigrants and Digital Natives

Technology is changing our lives. We now live in a world of digital immigrants and digital natives. A digital immigrant is someone most likely born before 1980 and remembers a time before life “online” was a thing. For the digital immigrant, there is a contrast between life online and offline. Life offline is the day-to-day life we live and life online is a place we go to share something from day-to-day life, email or shop. Tim Challies explains:

You remember what life “used to be like” and how things were different. You remember mailing letters to pen pals instead of emailing them; you remember being “out of touch” with someone because your phone was physically connected to the wall and couldn’t follow you into the car; you remember using an encyclopedia that took up an entire shelf in the local library; you remember card catalogs and cassette tapes and “laptop” computers that were far larger and heavier than any lap could ever hold.

A digital native is someone born after 1980 and hasn’t known life before the digital explosion. This is true of someone like me who was born during the ’80s, but it is even more true of teenagers who were born in the 2000s! Teenagers today have not only never known a world without the Internet, but they were born into a world with smartphones, social media and community gaming, etc… Tim Challies describes it this way:

For you, there may be no great or important distinction between life online and offline. Your identity in the digital realm and your identity in the world of flesh and blood are one in the same. You may have different representations of that identity, but you make little distinction between them. You move seamlessly between face-to-face interaction and digital interaction through messaging or email. In fact, you may prefer digital interaction, finding the face-to-face somehow unnatural or intimidating. Your mobile phone is part of who you are, and without it you feel like the world is moving on without you. You enjoy television and surfing the web, and especially enjoy doing two or three of these things simultaneously. You can switch back and forth between them as easily as you can change your socks.

Digital natives can probably be characterized by some of the following:

Begin and end your day on your phone
Consume at least five hours (some report up to nine hours) of media daily
Checking your feed or others’ “stories” is second nature
When you don’t know something, you google it
Did you see _____ YouTube video?
Video games are for entertainment and community
Social media is not so much a thing we do as much as it is ingrained into how you communicate and interact with others

From the above description, many parents fit the digital immigrant category and every teenager is a digital native. Digital immigrants tend to look down on digital natives because they just don’t understand what life used to be like. Digital natives tend to look down on digital immigrants because they just don’t understand what real life is like today. This brings with it a shift in power. Challies states, “Those who were born before the dawn of the digital explosion struggle to adapt to the new realities and are increasingly left behind. In the digital world, power has begun to shift from the old to young. It is shifting from the expert to the amateur, from the printed world to the digital.” Too often parents are defeated by the pace of change in these areas and simply give up or take a more passive role in shepherding their teenagers through the waters of social media and video games.

As Christians, we are called to submit to God’s authority. In turn, this is reflected in the home as children submit to the authority of their parents. For parents, this doesn’t mean that you have to know more than your teenager about social media or video games, but it does mean you help shepherd them to think about them Christianly—shaped by the wisdom of God’s Word. Just like second-generation children help their parents and grandparents adapt to a new culture, so digital natives can help their parents adapt to the new realities of the digital age. Yet, parents are still the most influential voice in the life of their teenager and can have a lasting influence on how they steward their use of social media and video games.

THREE GOOD REASONS TO HEED LIMITS

Grab Coffee

Give Resources

The “I’m Sorry If…” Apology

The “I’m Sorry, But…” Apology

The “I’m Sorry to Everyone” Apology

The “I’m Sorry for Everything” Apology

The “I’m Sorry…Eventually” Apology

Four Prayers for Mealtime

1. Compare God to the biggest things in the universe.

2. Look at how God provides for the smallest living things.

Are you running on fumes?

Five ways to know you’re running on empty

UPDATE:

Six Leadership Development Truths Legos Teach

1. They don’t build themselves. No Lego set has ever spontaneously built itself.

2. It’s as much about the process as it is the destination. We’re having as much fun building the set as we will ever have with the set once it’s “done.”

3. The destination is vital. Without instructions, the Lego set is a bunch of mismatched pieces.

4. Improvisation is crucial. We’ve lost so many of those pieces. And a blue 2×2 just adds character where a light gray 2×2 should be.

5. There’s a special tool for when you make mistakes. I love that Lego assumes you’ll make mistakes.

6. It’s never done. There’s always another piece you can add to make it more awesome. And over time it breaks down, revealing more holes.

Parents and Teenagers – Digital Immigrants and Digital Natives

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