Making a Wise Choice for a Happy Marriage
What does this mean if you’re single? How does it impact the way you date, who you date, and who you choose to marry?
Proverbs 31:30 warns single men “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” More than you care about what a woman looks like, incline your heart to a woman who fears God. Beauty is a wonderful thing and not to be taken for granted, but it is not the supreme thing. Date a woman who will offend you before she offends God, so that she challenges you to also pursue a holy life.
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably want to be the kind of man or woman God wants you to be. Doesn’t it make good sense to date someone who will help you be that kind of person, instead of someone who may tempt you to become a different kind of person and do something you’ll eventually regret?
On one of the occasions when I refused to do a wedding, it was partly because the woman told me and my wife that she’d like to be just like her mother, whom she respected and adored. Yet her fiancé despised her mother in a condescending way. We urged her to put her romantic feelings aside and ask herself, “Why do I want to marry someone who despises the kind of person I want to become?”
If the best life is found by seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, shouldn’t our most intimate relationship be with a person who shares the same end and is determined to help us on our journey?
There’s yet another aspect to this. The writer of Hebrews says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (10:24). Good deeds will be greatly rewarded in heaven (2 Cor. 5:10; Gal. 6:9; Matt. 25:21). If you marry a believer who inspires you to live a life of service and righteousness, your eternity will be different. Good deeds don’t get us into heaven, but they certainly seem to impact the color of our life there.
So, marrying for holiness will, I believe, not only give you a happier life on earth but also a more rewarding life in heaven. It’s not wrong to want to marry a beautiful woman, and/or a man you enjoy spending time with. Those are good desires. Just don’t compromise on the faith part. Marry for holiness and you’re far more likely to arrive at happiness. Marry for happiness apart from reverence for God and his ways, and you’ll likely find that you’ve built your future happiness on soap bubbles and sand.
Trust Jesus. He knows what he’s talking about and he wants the best for you. The very best is to seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness. Those loving, wise words should be the driving force in your pursuit of a happy marriage.
And if you’re already married, while conflict resolution, communication skills, and sexual intimacy all have their place in rebuilding a struggling marriage, why not double down on your mutual pursuit of holiness? It’s what God designed you to experience, and it’s what, in the end, will foster and preserve a happy marriage. Jesus tells us that if we seek first His kingdom and righteousness, “all these things will be given to you as well.”
Singles, for more of this, check out The Sacred Search.
This article about a holy and happy marriage originally appeared here.
Read this next: Lysa Terkeurst on Marriage.
