When a teen pregnancy occurs within your church or youth group, how do you react? What do you say and do? With a pregnant teen, consider practical, emotional, and pastoral angles. Let’s start with practical guidelines for dealing with a teenage pregnancy in youth group.
When a Teen Pregnancy Occurs Within Youth Group
1. Know the law.
First of all, know your legal obligations. Not every teen pregnancy results from voluntary sexual relations between teens. So your knowledge of the pregnancy can have legal ramifications. If the pregnancy resulted from rape, incest, or sex with an adult, are you obliged to report it? Know the law so you can do the right thing and be honest about this with the teen.
2. Don’t promise confidentiality.
Confidentiality between youth workers and teens is crucial. But you shouldn’t promise to keep a teen pregnancy secret. Sure, you can give the teen a week or so before telling her parents. But don’t ever promise to keep it confidential. Parents need to know about this and stay involved.
3. Seek help.
If you know you’re in over your head, seek help. Professionals can offer information and support. You don’t have to do it all yourself. It’s in everyone’s interest that you seek help and/or let someone else handle it.
Then there are emotional and pastoral aspects. When a teen tells you she’s pregnant, it can be a shock. How do you react to this news? What should you say or do? Here’s my advice…
4. Listen.
First let the teen tell her story. Get a good picture of the circumstances. Listen carefully for any indicators that there may be more to the story, or that the teen is lying or covering up. Although it’s not your job to decide if a crime has occurred, it’s important to get a feel for what’s going on. Then you can take appropriate action.
5. Don’t judge.
Yes, sex before marriage is a sin. But condemnation isn’t the way to go. Remind yourself that the girl (or boy, if it’s his girlfriend) in front of you is very scared. They don’t need your judgment; they need your love and compassion. Chances are, they know they messed up; they don’t need you to tell them. They need your help. Later you can and should address the spiritual issues.
