I remember sitting on the floor of our youth building one Sunday morning. One of the dads from church was leading a small group for me and four other boys.
I was bored. I was ready to leave. And I was hoping he wouldn’t ask if I had memorized the Bible verse from last week—because I hadn’t.
I was about 12 years old, just beginning a dark and weary descent into what I didn’t know would become a six-year battle with severe depression. All I knew was this: I didn’t want to sit around with people who didn’t really know me and pretend that everything in my life was okay. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Sharing Honestly
Our leader asked the group to share what God was doing in our lives and how others could pray for us. After everyone else had spoken, it was my turn.
I debated giving a shallow, cliché answer. That would have been easier. But I couldn’t fake it anymore. So I told the group the truth:
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I was struggling.
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I was hurting.
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I was having a hard time with my relationship with God.
Blank stares filled the room. It was as if everyone thought, “Wow! He actually took the question seriously.”
I felt embarrassed, but also relieved. Sharing my pain felt like a step toward healing.
The Response That Changed Me
To my surprise, even the small-group leader didn’t know how to handle my honesty. He looked at me and simply said:
“Well, Jarrid. I’d encourage you to just pray harder. God will take care of it.”
Yup. That’s all I got.
And here’s the problem: when you tell someone who is hurting, “You just need to pray harder,” what they really hear is, “You’re not praying hard enough.”
That paints a false picture of God. If He answered prayers based on effort, He’d be a transactional genie—not the sovereign, loving Father He is. Yes, God responds to prayer, but He is not controlled by how intensely we pray.
The Aftermath
I went home feeling defeated. My shaky faith in God seemed worse than before. I felt:
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Insulted.
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Not good enough.
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Like my small-group leader had just confirmed what I already believed about myself: that I was broken and a failure as a Christian.
Looking back, I don’t think he meant harm. He had good intentions. He just wasn’t equipped to handle that kind of vulnerability.
But his response stuck with me.
Why “Just Pray Harder” Falls Short
“Just pray harder” might sound spiritual, but without compassion and follow-up, it becomes dismissive. It risks pushing someone away instead of drawing them closer to Christ.
Prayer is powerful. It is essential. But real ministry means walking with people in their pain—not pawning them off to Jesus because it feels easier than getting involved.
“Just pray harder” isn’t enough. What people really need is love, presence, and understanding alongside prayer.
