“I don’t know how to do that in a giant room,” admitted Chan.
“All I want to do is be faithful to your Word, do whatever it says,” prayed Chan. “I can let go of the numbers. I can let go of the fame, the money, everything.”
As Chan tried to “change the church” to be more Christ-like, he found that he was “causing more problems.” So he stepped away.
“I want everyone to know that Francis Chan was an absolute loser, that my college years were a wreck. My start in ministry was a disaster, hypocritical, sinful,” said Chan. “And God poured his grace on me, and that’s the only reason anything good has come out of my life. I’m loved by him.”
Francis Chan Continues To Wrestle With Insecurity Over His Relationship With God
“God’s shown me some things these last few years that I think are big. Really big,” said Chan.
He remembered reading in 1 John 4:18, where John says, “Perfect love drives out fear.” Chan had been preaching for nearly 30 years and realized that he was still insecure about his relationship with God.
“I’m still only 90% sure I’m going to heaven,” said Chan. “I’ve spent my whole life almost trying to prove to God that I love him. I will do this. I’ll sacrifice. I don’t need any money.” He continued, “I want to prove that he’s Lord of my life. I want to prove it to him. I want to prove it to myself.”
Chan has continued to work through his own anxiety and insecurities through Scripture.
“I realize it was so easy for me all those years to say, ‘I love God. I love God. I’m going to do these crazy things for God,'” Chan admitted. “But it’s much harder to go, ‘He is crazy about me. I am so loved by him.'”
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Chan invited his own church to pray with him and for him that all of his insecurities would be gone that year.
