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Want to Lead Change Effectively? 7 Vital Characteristics

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If you want to be in leadership, get comfortable with change. It’s part of the experience of every leader. The best leaders get accustomed to leading change.

Every leader deals with change, but in my experience, some handle it better than others. There are change agent leaders who seem to have an innate gifting at leading through change. I love to learn from these special leaders.

I’ve observed some common characteristics change agent leaders share.

Here are seven characteristics of good change agents:

Flexible

It doesn’t have to be their design. They simply want progress toward the overall vision. These change agents are never stubborn on matters that seem to have no vision-altering value. They navigate towards a solution, letting others have “their” way. Everyone walks away feeling as though they have won.

Courageous

Change agent leaders are willing to receive criticism and still move forward. They know how to filter through what is valid criticism—worth hearing—and what’s simply a venting of personal interest. They unwaveringly push through the junk that clouds progress.

Relational

Good change agent leaders value the opinions of other people and work hard to gain trust. They know ultimate change can’t happen without human capital and they are constantly investing in relationships. Networking is one of a change agents greatest tools.

Strategic

A change agent leader realizes there are steps to take and they carefully choose the timing of when to take them. They almost have a keen sense of discernment when it comes to knowing when to pull the trigger, when to wait and when to pull the plug completely.

Creative

Good change agents are able to see paths to success others can’t yet see. I need to be honest here and say I’d rather be strategic than creative. There are some who can always find a way to make their ideas work, but it comes at the expense of others. But, change often happens because someone chose to be creative. Effective change is one of the best forms of art in the field of leadership. This takes creativity.

Intentional

Change agent leaders make change for a specific purpose. They never waste a change. They know that every change has the potential to make or break a team and they work diligently to bring the best results.

Thorough

A good change agent follows through on commitments made and sees the change to fruition. They don’t give up until the post evaluation is complete and the lessons of change have been learned.

Think about your experience. Who are some of the best change agent leaders you have known?

This article originally appeared here.

8 Powerful Lessons From the Global Church

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In my various roles, I’ve been privileged to travel the world, talk to global brothers and sisters in Christ, and learn from them. I may be the professor, but they always teach me. Here are some things we North American Christians can learn from them:

  1. The Bible is precious. We who have multiple copies of the scriptures miss this point. It would do all of us good to spend time with a believer who stays up all night to hear and read the Word of God because he doesn’t have his own copy.
  2. Holiness matters. I’ve been with some believers around the world who lean toward legalism, but seldom have I been with any who are as lax about sin as North Americans tend to be. Global believers often struggle with our brand of non-life changing Christianity.
  3. Worship is more than head-centered. Every culture is different, but I love worshiping with believers who give themselves fully to worship. From the African who jumps when he worships to the Ukrainian who sings with all his might, believers around the world challenge my often too stoic approach to worship.
  4. Prayer makes a difference. I once stood for two hours praying nonstop with believers in a war-torn part of the world, and they were just getting started. When Christ is genuinely your hope and peace, you understand better the necessity and the value of prayer.
  5. Persecution is real. For many believers, persecution is not just somebody else’s story on a sheet of paper. It’s their story. No article or website can speak the volumes that a believer who’s been faithful under persecution can.
  6. Church membership means something. I’ve talked with local church leaders around the globe who shepherd large networks, and they can tell you much of the spiritual state of each believer. They take seriously the need for accountability and growth among believers.
  7. North American Christianity is not the center of the Christian world. We tend to think we are, simply because our world revolves around us. Many believing groups around the world, though, have longer histories, more followers and much more to teach us.
  8. Heaven will be really sweet. I already knew that, but thinking about the peoples of the world gathering around the throne is that much more powerful after meeting many of those folks.

What would you add to this list?

This article originally appeared here.

Alleged Site of Jesus’ Empty Tomb Reopens in Time for Easter after $4 Million Restoration Project

Jesus Tomb
A Greek priest stands inside the renovated Edicule in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, traditionally believed to be the site of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, in Jerusalem's old city Monday, Mar. 20, 2017. A Greek restoration team has completed a historic renovation of the Edicule, the shrine that tradition says houses the cave where Jesus was buried and rose to heaven. (AP Photo/Sebastian Scheiner)

A nine-month, $4 million restoration project on the Edicule, housed in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, is complete. On Monday, March 20, 2017, a restoration team from Greece announced the completion of their work taking apart, cleaning, reinforcing and putting back together almost the entire iconic structure that is believed to mark the burial site of Jesus.

The Edicule is an elaborate stone structure that was built in 1810 and encases what many believe to be the slab Jesus’ body was placed on and the original walls of his tomb. The most noticeable change is the removal of the unsightly iron cage that was placed around the Edicule in 1947 to reinforce it. During their restoration work, the group used titanium mesh and grout to strengthen the core of the structure, thus making the iron cage unnecessary.

During the painstaking restoration and cleaning process, the team uncovered the rock-hewn bench which was believed to be the temporary resting place of Jesus’ body after he was crucified and before he rose again. The marble slab covering the bench hadn’t been moved in more than two centuries, according to the Guardian. The restoration crew, a group of 50 specialists from the National Technical University of Athens, worked mainly overnight, so as not to interrupt visitors to the Edicule.

Numerous visitors to the restored Edicule are posting pictures of the site to their social media accounts.

The project was funded by a diverse group of people, including King Abdullah of Jordan, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and a nonprofit from New York, the World Monuments Fund. “I would venture to say that if this intervention hadn’t happened now, there was a very great risk that there could have been a collapse,” Bonnie Burnham of the World Monuments Fund said. Work on restoration began last year after Israeli authorities deemed the structure unsafe.

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is located in the Christian quarter of the walled area of Jerusalem, referred to as the Old City. The church welcomes millions of pilgrims and tourists each year due to its claim of being the site where Jesus was crucified, laid to rest and then resurrected (others, however, believe the Garden Tomb, located outside the walls of the Old City, is the site of Jesus’ tomb).

Several Christian denominations—including Greek Orthodox, Armenian Orthodox and Roman Catholic—share control of the church, amidst centuries-old tensions that occasionally rear their heads. By way of finding a neutral party, a Muslim family was commissioned several centuries ago to hold the keys to the church itself.

Dealing With Conflict and Criticism

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When collaborating with others, conflict is to be expected.

Conflict is inevitable when you’re actually doing the hard work of collaborating. After all, if there’s anything that’s a guarantee in leadership, it’s conflict and criticism. So how do you respond? Do you embrace it? Or avoid it?

CONFLICT IS NOT THE PROBLEM, AVOIDING CONFLICT RESOLUTION IS.

So have conflict, and then wrestle to resolution. But whatever you do, don’t avoid conflict; it’s necessary for a healthy team. If you never have conflict on your team, then this might be symptomatic of a deeper issue.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself about your team:

  • Do people feel the freedom to say what they really think?
  • Are you, as a leader or manager, giving enough ownership to those that you lead that mistakes are inevitable?
  • Or is the rope so short because you have control issues and you want everything to be “just right”? And by “just right,” I mean it’s your way or the highway?

ALLOW PEOPLE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU, BUT CREATE ENVIRONMENTS FOR THIS.

In other words, when it’s planning and strategizing time, have a cone of safety where anyone can say anything. This is where differing points of view can come up and be wrestled with. But once you agree on a way forward, make sure everyone is on board. 

NOW WHAT IF PEOPLE ON YOUR TEAM HAVE CONFLICT WITH ONE ANOTHER?

Instead of diving right in, start by asking whether or not they approached the other team member about this issue. Seek to understand what’s going on, but encourage them to figure out a way to solve the conflict before you get involved. If they do this and can’t come to an agreement, then you can come in as the third person to help resolve what’s going on.

Look for ways that you can adjust the circumstances that led to the conflict, rather than siding one way or the other.

Criticism Isn’t Healthy

While it’s a healthy thing to have conflict, and while I would even go so far to encourage you to cultivate conflict if there’s an absence of it on your team, criticism is another animal. Criticism is not healthy at all.

SO HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH OVERT AND SUBTLE CRITICISM WHEN YOU NOTICE IT?

First of all, figure out who’s the one doing the criticism. If the individual loves playing the devil’s advocate, has a negative outlook on life and has a critical nature, then my suggestion would be to let the specific criticism roll off your back, and instead address their critical nature instead.

BUT WHAT IF THE CRITICISM IS COMING FROM A FEW INDIVIDUALS?

Then my suggestion would be to take a good look in the mirror and take responsibility for anything that you’ve done to bring this about. After all, nothing is ever 100 percent someone’s fault, so own your part and apologize, if necessary. Then work toward a solution.

You’d be surprised at how the power of criticism is destroyed when it’s brought to the light—so have a frank, open and honest conversation about it.

In summary, when it comes to collaboration, a good dose of conflict is healthy for a team, but not criticism. You need to root that out.

This article originally appeared here.

Complaining Never Wins the Culture

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What if the biggest danger ahead for Christians today is something we don’t expect, but should?

Of course, there are some dangers of which we’re all very aware and conscious. In a pluralistic world, we know the pressure on Christians to abandon the truth that Jesus is the only way to God, so we proclaim loudly the exclusive salvation that we find in Christ. In the midst of a moral revolution, we see the temptation for Christians to deny or downplay the truth about sexuality and marriage, so we rightly seek to defend the Bible’s teaching on these issues.

Naturally, we think that to be faithful in this time means shoring up our commitments in these spheres where cultural pressure is intense. But what if there’s a bigger danger on the horizon? Something that goes beyond the truths we uphold to the hearts that uphold them?

An Unexpected Exhortation

After reciting one of the most glorious hymns in the New Testament, showcasing the beauty of Jesus’ incarnation, crucifixion and exaltation (Philippians 2:6–11), Paul commands the church to adopt the same mind of our risen Lord.

And his first command—the first way he expects us to “work out your own salvation” (Philippians 2:12)—is, “Don’t grumble.”

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. (Philippians 2:14–15)

Why start with grumbling? We might expect an exhortation to spiritual disciplines, or strategies for thriving as pure and faultless people in a sinful world. And yes, Paul does speak about blamelessness and purity and holding firm to the word of life (Philippians 2:16). But this purity in action is somehow connected to the first command to do everything without grumbling. Somehow, grumbling will keep us from faithfulness.

Grumbling Over Gratitude

Why start here? Because Paul knows the story of Israel.

Remember the children of Israel? The passover lamb was sacrificed on their behalf; they were set free from bondage to Egypt; they went out through the waters of the Red Sea into the wilderness toward the Promised Land. Having been graciously redeemed through an act of deliverance none of their generation could have imagined…they began to grumble.

This was the big sin of Israel. They chose grumbling over gratitude. Grumbling stalled their journey and led to actions that were anything but “blameless and innocent.”

Gratitude in the Wilderness

Fast-forward to first-century Philippi. The church—like Israel—had been brought out of slavery to sin and death. Through the Passover Lamb, Jesus Christ, they had received atonement for their sins. They’d passed through the waters of baptism and were headed toward the Promised Land. In the dark wilderness of the first century, lying “in the power of the evil one” (1 John 5:19), Paul knew that grumbling and arguing would keep them from shining like stars in a dark world.

Two thousand years later, much of our world feels like a wilderness. We, too, live in a “crooked and twisted generation,” where crooks are elevated and perversion celebrated.

Jesus still speaks to his church: Do everything without grumbling. You want to be blameless and pure—faultless in this generation? Then you better start right here. Why? Because the Christian who grumbles will neither stand out in this generation, nor hold firm to the gospel.

Grumbling about this cultural moment usually leaves us wistful for another. But we will never be faithful in the present as long as we are yearning for the past. The only era we should long for is a future one, when the kingdom comes fully on earth as it is in heaven.

No Ministry in Murmuring

Furthermore, grumblers are neither persuasive nor appealing when they share their faith. In fact, they rarely share their faith at all. It’s hard to joyfully and consistently proclaim the gospel when all you do is complain about your mission field. Murmuring does not further God’s mission.

The root issue, of course, is a lack of faith (Psalm 78:19–20).

Faithfulness starts with gratitude. We trust in the God who knows where we are and when we are. This is our time. Holding firm to the word of life is a thrilling adventure. We’re not digging in, like cranks who resent societal shifts or cultural changes. No, we’re standing, with the smile of faith that knows God is good and sovereign and that his everlasting joy will spread to all peoples.

Only Joy Gives Life

Paul himself employs a military metaphor in reference to Epaphroditus, his “fellow soldier” (Philippians 2:25; 2 Corinthians 10:4–5). In this spiritual campaign, a grumbling soldier is a dangerous liability, fighting on the edge of treason.

Christians are joyful because we follow a King who endured the cross “for the joy that was set before him” (Hebrews 12:2). Whether we are given suffering, chains, imprisonment or worse (Hebrews 11:36–38), or whether we conquer kingdoms, stop the mouths of lions, escape the sword and put armies to flight (Hebrews 11:33–34), we must know that only joy in and gratitude to Jesus will win the war for our culture. Christians who run the race experience the glorious combination of exhaustion and exhilaration that comes from knowing the Spirit empowers us to spend our every last bit of energy for the sake of Jesus’ glory.

Yes, we may face obstacles, setbacks and tough days ahead. But in it all, and under it all, we are also joyful. And this cheerful courage comes not from ignoring darkness or looking only for the bright side, but from believing that the Light will overcome the dark.

Do you want to shine like stars? Then do everything without grumbling.

This article originally appeared here.

Passing the Baton of Leadership to Millennials

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Dr. Ed Stetzer asked me to briefly join his Wheaton College graduate course on leadership via Skype last week. We had a blast!

Ed’s a brilliant guy and always asks stimulating and challenging questions. (His students asked great questions too!) I’d like to share a little of our interaction from his first question.

Dr. Stetzer asked me about how the church’s view and value of leadership has changed, and if we will see a new focus on leadership in years to come. The following is a summary of my response.

First, I think we need to back up to catch a quick context, then come to what’s happening today with the Boomers, Gen Xers and the Millennials.

The Jesus movement took place in the ’60s and early ’70s. Each succeeding era is often in reaction to the previous era. In this case, the ’80s ushered in the practice of business principles and the corporate model of church leadership. At first, it was resisted, but it soon gained widespread acceptance.

In the ’90s we experienced a reaction to the corporate vibe in the church, and church leaders began to flatten org charts and declare a more collaborative “softer side” to leadership.

From the 2,000s on we’ve gained a better balance and integration of spiritual emphasis and business principles. We’re no longer afraid of business wisdom that keeps spiritual principles primary.

What’s in play now is perhaps the largest generational transition of leaders we’ve ever known.

Currently, the Boomers and Gen Xers own the majority of leadership in the local church, and the Millennials are ready and waiting to take the reins.

How that baton is handed off is critical to the future of the church.

  • If the Boomers and Xers become entrenched, we’re in trouble.
  • If the Millennials feel entitled, we’re in trouble.
  • What is needed is an intentional exchange that leads to authentic empowerment.

It’s not about who’s in power, it’s about how we empower the next generation.

The new focus will be (already is) what I’m calling the Great Transition. I believe there are three vital parts for this transition to be successful.

1) Trust

The whole transition is based on trust. The Millennials need to trust the Boomers’ and Gen Xers’ wisdom and experience. The Boomers and Gen Xers need to trust the Millennials’ potential, innovative approach to current culture and ability to eventually lead us all into the future.

For this to work, we must all be trustworthy in character and competence, or the process of a healthy and fruitful transition breaks down. The moment it becomes about you or me, instead of the greater we, tension takes over, and territorialism kicks in. A stalled church is the result.

If that happens, the Boomers will try to protect their power, and the Millennials will seek to take it. This would be an epic failure in individual churches and for the church overall.

It all comes down to individual people. We can talk regarding generations and movements, but in the end, it’s people. It will always come down to two people in the moment. It’s personal. For example, with Bob the Boomer and Mark the Millennial—the question on the table will be: Do they trust each other?

Bob and Mark must have each other’s best interest at heart. If they do, the potential is great.

2) Partnership

Once trust is established at a personal level, genuine partnership can be established based on the vision of the church and future success.

Partnerships are the agent of the transition.

Let me give you a personal example. I’m a Boomer. I serve as the XP and Chief of Staff at 12Stone Church in the suburbs of Atlanta, Ga. I’ve been in my role for 15 years. About two years ago the senior pastor (Kevin Myers) and I began to partner with a young leader (Jason Berry) as our first associate executive pastor (XP). This leadership partnership has proven invaluable.

Partnerships make leadership stronger.
Jason and I as individuals bring unique contributions to the table that make us better than if we operated independently.

Partnerships increase the innovative nature of leadership.
Creativity toward “new and improved” is always enhanced by healthy partnerships. When two or more are committed to the same vision, innovative problem solving that results in progress and momentum is greatly enriched.

Partnerships make leadership fun.
Jason helps me keep up with technology. OK, let’s get real, he laughs at how much I don’t keep up with technology!

3) Empowerment

This is where the rubber meets the road. Will Jennie the Gen Xer indeed hand over the keys to Jeff the young Millennial? This doesn’t happen overnight, but it needs to start happening now. The current leaders must trust, partner with and empower the next gen to lead!

How does this translate into practical reality? It means that we need to be handing real responsibility, decision-making authority and access to resources over to younger leaders.

  • Again, this doesn’t happen overnight, but have you started?
  • What are your plans?
  • Have you identified capable young leaders?
  • Who are the apprentices on your staff or among key volunteer leaders?
  • Are you developing them so they can rise up?

Don’t worry about doing it perfectly, none of us will. But be consistent in practicing empowerment.

Let me return to the story in the previous point.

I’ve trusted Jason with a significant amount of real leadership responsibility, and Jason has risen quickly in influence as a highly capable young leader. Jason is also doing the same with Millennials younger than he is.

This process must be duplicated countless times now and in the years to come so this transition can be successful in thousands of churches. The future of the church depends on it! This process then translates back out from the personal level to the transition between generations as a whole.

Thanks, Ed, for asking such a thought-provoking question.

*Ed Stetzer serves as executive director of the Billy Graham Center for Evangelism. He has planted and pastored churches, trained pastors on six continents, holds two master’s degrees and two doctorates, and has written dozens of articles and books. Plus, he has just about the coolest goatee, well, in the history of goatees!

This article originally appeared here.

Why Singing Is the Language of Joy

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In a recent season of prayer, I realized that I had become quite overwhelmed by the challenges and disappointments I face. I wondered, Am I really helping those whom I am counseling and mentoring?

I was remembering the many failures I have had in my ministry. I live daily with the question as to whether my attempt to get Christians in Sri Lanka to derive all their behavior from the Bible is a losing battle. I also struggle with my own weaknesses that hinder me from being an effective servant of God. I ask myself, Is it time for me to relax and enjoy a restful retirement?

I realized I needed to get back to focusing on the most important things in life. So, I decided to switch from intercession to praise, and I went to the piano to sing some hymns.

Injections of Truth

About every two weeks or so, I spend my prayer time praising God through singing hymns. I took my favorite hymnbook and proceeded to sing at the piano.

I randomly started off in a section of songs rejoicing in the security we have in Christ, and the Lord began to minister to me. I kept getting injections of biblical truth through these songs:

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; your best, your heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
–Katharina von Schlegel

Like a river glorious is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way.
–Frances R. Havergal

Peace, perfect peace—
In this dark world of sin?
The blood of Jesus whispers peace within.
–Edward H. Bickersteth

No one understands like Jesus;
He’s a Friend beyond compare.
Meet Him at the throne of mercy;
He is waiting for You there.
No one understands like Jesus
When the days are dark and grim.
No one is so near, so dear as Jesus;
Cast Your every care on Him.
–John W. Peterson

Fairest Lord Jesus! Ruler of all nature!
O thou of God and man the Son!
Thee will I cherish, Thee will I honour,
Thou my soul’s glory, joy and crown!

Jesus is wonderful—so wonderful that all our challenges, disappointments and weaknesses pale into insignificance. So wonderful that our hearts leap for joy over him.

Always, yes always, the main fact that influences our attitude is Jesus. And he is the same yesterday, today and forever. No wonder singing is so important to Christianity. John Wesley said, “Singing is as much the language of holy joy, as praying is of holy desire.”

We are on a journey that will culminate in the consummation of the wonderful salvation we experience here and now. We look forward with eager anticipation to the day we will see Jesus. But until then we remain joyful because the one we will see face to face one day is already overwhelmingly wonderful to us.

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that’s winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.
–Stuart Hamblen

Is this escapism? Are we avoiding our problems by focusing on Jesus when we are disappointed, rather than focusing on the problem itself? No! We are preparing ourselves to face the problems with the right attitude. When the peace of Christ does not rule in our hearts (Colossians 3:15), we act in ungodly ways.

  • We can panic, resulting in foolish reactions.
  • We can compromise, resulting in disobedient reactions.
  • We can get too discouraged, resulting in timid reactions.
  • We can become bitter, resulting in ungracious and hurtful reactions.
  • We can be without forgiveness, resulting in a block to experiencing God’s love.
  • We can let problems overwhelm us, resulting in gloomy, joyless attitudes.

But inspired by the vision of Christ, and empowered by his love in our hearts, we persevere in sacrificial service to find godly solutions to the problems we face.

Revel With Me

We are at peace while we do that because the most important thing in our lives is this: Jesus is wonderful. He is bigger than all the challenges we face. He is right there with us, helping us along and giving us his sufficient grace. So, may we remember to stop often from our feverish activity to savor the Lord Jesus Christ and the salvation he has given us, with all its benefits.

Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Greater than all my sin;
How shall my tongue describe it,
Where shall its praise begin?
Taking away my burden,
Setting my spirit free;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,
Deeper than the mighty rolling sea;
Higher than the mountain, sparkling like a fountain,
All-sufficient grace for even me!
Broader than the scope of my transgressions,
Greater far than all my sin and shame;
Oh, magnify the precious Name of Jesus,
Praise His Name!
–Haldor Lillenas

Oh, that we would never move away from a life of childlike reveling in the love of Jesus.

And by the way, the day after that overwhelming morning when God rescued me through song, I felt as if he suddenly impressed upon me an encouraging truth: My failures in ministry are partly responsible for whatever depth there may be in my ministry. Failure drives me to think, to theologize, to confess failure, to battle for the best ways to help people, to battle in earnest prayer and to battle for patience, and, most importantly, to depend on God’s grace.

My failures have taught me so much more than the few successes I may have had along the way.

This article originally appeared here.

Preparing Your Church for Transgender Guests

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A few years ago, I encountered my first transgender guest at church. Our transgender guest was similar to other guests. He was looking to fill a void in his life. The dark problems plaguing his soul were many of the same problems others experienced. For one, he was an alcoholic, trying to gulp away pain. Like others, he struggled with an identity. The transgender guest really wanted to be something else, then he didn’t, sometimes in the same conversation. A fluid identity is a curse. You don’t know who you are, and you don’t like it.

It’s a Complex Issue

God’s plan of redemption is simple: Jesus saves. The implications of our salvation in Christ are profound and deep—we know who we really are. However, sin complicates. It should be no surprise to us that in this fallen world people struggle to understand their identities, gender included. Additionally, the stigma of being transgender is disappearing. Only 35 percent of Americans believe it is morally wrong for an individual to identify with a gender different than their birth sex.

You Will Likely Have a Transgender Guest at Some Point

You cannot dismiss this issue, as if you’ll never face a situation in which a transgender person comes to your church. According to LifeWay Research, over 40 percent of young adults (18-24 years old) report having a transgender acquaintance. Across all ages, 27 percent of Americans personally know someone who is transgender. About one out of three women and one out of five men say they know a transgender person. If your church gets the Great Commission right, then you’ll have transgender people as guests, simply because your congregation is reaching out to people they know.

What can you do to prepare your church for transgender guests? Are there some steps you can take personally? How do you lead your church through this complex cultural issue?

Preparing Your Church: What to Do

Invite and encourage. Every worship service at every church should be open to anyone. Additionally, every pastor should set the example by inviting friends to church. Your transgender neighbors should not be excluded from hearing the gospel, nor should they be excluded from an invitation to church. Just about every church advertises, “Anyone is welcome.” However, few churches take the initiative to invite people who are different than the majority of the congregation. If church leaders and pastors start inviting transgender acquaintances, then it will encourage others to do the same.

Listen carefully. If you are a conservative evangelical (like me), then you likely find the idea of self-identification a bit irrational. Rich people do not get to self-identify as poor in order to avoid taxes. A white person should not self-identify as a black person in order to claim the black experience. A young teen cannot self-identify as a senior citizen to get discounts at Denny’s. You can no more choose your gender identity than you can choose your wealth, ethnicity or age. But, however much you may disagree with the choices of a transgender person, you should still listen to them carefully. The old adage still remains true: People won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. No amount of philosophical self-aggrandization will win a soul. The first step to reaching a transgender person is simply to listen carefully. You may be surprised at the bridges you can build by lending an ear.

Display genuine concern. Jesus loves the transgender person, and so should you. Crude jokes and snarky sermon soundbites won’t solve the problem. We should care for those struggling with gender identity issues. You can put a stake in the ground on this issue while at the same time exhibiting love for hurting and confused people. Truth and love are two sides of the same coin. God’s truth compels us to love others. And to love others, you don’t have to compromise the truth.

Teach with clarity, not nuance, but only after building trust. During your main teaching times, whether sermons or group lessons, go right to the heart of the issue and address it biblically and clearly. Don’t hide behind big words or fuzzy nuances. Tell your people exactly what you expect them to believe on this issue. If news reports contain more facts about gender identity than your sermon, then you’re not preaching. You’re dancing. You should do the same with transgender people—teach with clarity. However, you must realize a bold lesson of truth hits hard, like a barreling bowling ball striking 10 pins at top velocity. Hard truth is received well only after you build trust with someone. Otherwise, they simply feel like you’ve knocked them down for sport.

Preparing Your Church: What Not to Do

Don’t ignore the issue. It’s not going away. Most of your people are paying attention to transgender issues. Why? They represent a major cultural shift. Pastors are called by God to shepherd their congregations. If you are a church leader, then your church deserves an answer from you on this important issue. Prepare your leadership team by giving them a heads up about this issue.

Don’t react viscerally. Audible gasps and eye rolls will not help. When you encounter a transgender person, don’t react viscerally in disgust. You also don’t need to exaggerate niceties in order to cover up your apprehension. Transgender people are real people, and they see through it. Train your church greeters on this point.

Don’t make unnecessary enemies. Stay focused on the gospel. Remember, the church is not fighting against flesh and blood. Our neighbors are not our enemies, even our transgender ones. Unfortunately, I’ve come across too many Christians—some of them pastors!—who simply complain about the moral degradation of society as if handbaskets of hell were inevitable. The mission of God does not advance by bellyaching. Loud complaints make enemies. Making the gospel loud enlarges God’s kingdom.

Don’t say you can “fix it.” Back to my first transgender guest: The mistake was not that I reached out to someone desperate for help. Of that I have no regrets. The mistake I made as a pastor was buying into the perception this person had of me. He thought I was going to “fix it” and give some magical advice to make the pain go away. Of course, I shared the gospel. Of course, I shared how Jesus heals. But I did little to lower the lofty expectations of my abilities to solve his issues. He believed I could fix it. I played the part. Additionally, many other transgender people don’t want you to “fix it” because they don’t believe they are broken. Don’t claim you can do what only Christ can.

Your church will have transgender guests, and your congregation likely needs to be prepared. Equip them to know what not to do and what to do.

This article originally appeared here.

Should We Let Politics Determine Our Friendships?

communicating with the unchurched

lovelyishe asked a question:

What is your opinion on the stance that you should end a friendship because of differing political opinions? Is there a time when you believe it is best to drift apart from them or no?

Hey dear friend, this is certainly a difficult, relevant question today, as it seems political differences more than ever are not merely a disagreement of opinions, but becoming an aggressively different opinion of human value, with all kinds of dangerous implications.

I’m fortunate and blessed to have friends with a wide range of political beliefs who are open to discourse or even changing their minds. Not every person on the opposite side of politics acts like the caricatures you’ve seen online. There are many, many thoughtful people across the spectrum that do not fall easily into our biased categories.

My concern is not that everyone has to agree a particular way. My major concern is that our beliefs have sound reasons behind them. When I hear the stories of enlisted soldiers, military veterans, the mentally ill, the desperately poor, victims of racism, both pro-life and pro-choice advocates, immigrants (like my parents) and abuse survivors, I can begin to see why their experiences have shaped their positions on specific issues. The more stories I hear, the more I can understand. I can become a student instead of a critic. I can more easily reach across the aisle, not necessarily to change minds, but to build bridges where our stories are respected in the overlap.

Of course, this bridge-building cannot happen with everyone. Sometimes a person’s politics are so explosive and divisive that it seems they only want to watch the world burn (or as it’s said, it’s a zero-sum game). There really are people who cannot be engaged with, no matter how graciously we approach. But unlike the terrible circus we see online, on Twitter or Facebook or Tumblr, most people are way more three-dimensional than that. It’s only ever a last, last, last resort that I would ever break off a friendship because of politics.

In the end, speaking from a Christian and spiritual perspective, I have to ask: Are politics even real? Because really: What are they? Politics, if we’re to squeeze history into a drop, are mostly a man-made, brain-constructed, temporary process by which we attempt to cooperate on a large scale. And no one has the total answer on how to do this. In fact, the trouble is that each “camp” thinks they have the total answer, which is why we’re so quick to grade each other and break ties.

Just think of how crazy it is that we would allow politics to destroy a friendship rather than allow the friendship to guide our politics. If you cut off a friend because of their political beliefs, this dehumanizes a person by trying to remake them in your own image, which is no better than religious imperialism. In other words, when we use someone’s political beliefs as a measure of their human worth, we become a “political fanatic.” And if you think, “We need to air lift the other party onto an island prison!” (a thing I actually read online)—that’s trying to fight fire with fire, and no one has ever been transformed by mercenary tactics.

We need each other, even (and especially) if we disagree, because the entire diversity of human opinion is required to land on unity. I don’t mean there are no bad ideas (there are a lot of bad ideas, on all sides of politics). What I mean is, if we instantly dismiss someone from an opposing political party and treat them like a dogmatic cartoon, then we’re just putting each other’s eyes out. But if we treat each other worthy of hearing, there is a very small chance that someone might possibly change their position on a major issue. Otherwise, there’s no chance at all. And even then, the point isn’t to coerce, but to connect.

I don’t mean to sound pretentiously abstract or idealistic about the political system, as we need to pay attention to its influence and also criticize the damage it has caused. We do need to push back against bad ideas. But I think disconnecting completely from a friendship because of several disagreeable opinions is a fatally serious decision. It shouldn’t be done flippantly. Even so, I think drawing boundaries is better than cutting off a friend altogether. I choose to stay in conversation, to hear stories, or we’ll never have the grace and staying power for humility and changed minds. The quicker we leave, the less chance we have for weaving something better than all that politics has failed to deliver.

This article originally appeared here.

4 Healthy Ways Pastors Can Refill Their Depleted Souls

communicating with the unchurched

Have you ever felt depleted? As a pastor, I have. Recently I heard the president of Heritage College and Seminary located near Toronto give an uplifting talk about how pastors can refill their depleted souls. He spoke at a monthly gathering of pastors and Christian business leaders in London, Ontario, where I serve as a pastor. With permission, I share his insights below.

Rick based his thoughts on this passage in the Gospel of Mark when Jesus Himself got away from the crowds.

35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. 36 Simon and his companions went to look for him, 37 and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” 38 Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” 39 So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons. (Mark 1.35-39)

Here are four ways Rick suggested that can refill a depleted soul.

  1. Disengage from ministry demands.
    • This passage said that Jesus did just that. Although fully God, Jesus was also fully human and got tired just like you and I get. The Scripture says that Jesus went to a desolate place. In other words, he removed himself from the hustle and bustle of ministry life. He separated himself from the crowds.
    • Question to ponder: Do you take a day off when you truly disengage? Or, do you keep yourself tethered to your cell phone or your email ‘just in case’ someone needs you?
  2. Seek communion with God.
    • Notice that Jesus didn’t just get away from doing something (direct people ministry). But he disengaged so that He could engage more fully with His Father. We not only need to rest our bodies from the demands ministry places on us, but we need to fill our souls with spiritual nourishment.
    • Question to ponder: Do you regularly engage with God’s Word simply to fill your soul? Or, do Bible reading, reflection and contemplation have an end game to give you material for your sermons?
  3. Build supportive friendships.
    • Rick noted that in other places in the Gospels Jesus often took aside his disciples when He withdrew from the crowds. Disengaging does not mean that every day off we spend in solitude. Occasionally that’s a good idea. But God uses friends to fill our souls as well. In this post I list several qualities to look for in a safe friend.
    • Question to ponder: How many close friends do you have with whom you feel safe to share your joys and sorrows?
  4. Focus on your God-given calling.
    • Sometimes we pastors have bad weeks, really bad ones. People criticize us. Crises interfere with our study time. Offerings come in really low. When that has happened to me, I’ve taken great comfort and received renewed energy when I recall my call to ministry. I remind myself that then God calls us to vocational ministry, he provides everything we need. One simple practice has helped me do this. Two to three times a month when I plan my upcoming week, I review my personal mission statement and values. This simple practice reminds me to remember my calling when I experience a bad week. In this post I explain a process to help you refine your mission and personal values.
    • Question to ponder: When was the last time you recalled your call to ministry?

Rick concluded his talk by noting that although we intuitively understand how to refuel ourselves, we often don’t do it. He challenged us to ask why we don’t. He suggested that these five issues often keep us from consistently refueling.

  1. We need to be needed too much.
  2. We undervalue our communion with God.
  3. We overvalue what we can accomplish.
  4. We confuse many relationships with deep relationships.
  5. We can’t stand to disappoint people.

That simple talk that day reinforced my commitment to regularly refuel my soul.

What would add to either list?

If you want to follow Rick you can read his blog posts here.

This article originally appeared here.

Adam Weber: Giving Up Ego and Shame to Pray and Preach Better

communicating with the unchurched

Adam Weber is the lead pastor of Embrace, a 10-year-old church in Sioux Falls, SD that has grown to 6 campuses and 4,000+ people in weekly attendance. For the past four years, Embrace has been listed as one of the fastest growing churches in America according to Outreach Magazine. Adam is the author of Talking with God: What to Say When You Don’t Know How to Pray. Adam is married to his beautiful wife Becky and they have 4 kids: Hudson, Wilson, Grayson, and Anderson.

Key Questions:

How can pastors embrace vulnerability to ask for the help they need to prepare better sermons?

What do you sense is a pastor or ministry leader’s greatest struggle with prayer?

Key Quotes:

“I look at the prayers of Jesus and the teachings of Jesus, and they were super, super simple…Jesus used simple pictures and parables to explain things that anybody can understand.”

“Like life, marathons have twists and turns. Like life, marathons have stretches that are boring. Like life, there’s valleys and there’s hills—some places have mountains you need to climb.”

“Pastors are criticizing pastors and other churches, which I think grieves the heart of God.”

“What would it look like if instead of the church being critical and judgmental and instead of human beings criticizing everybody, what if on Sundays and all throughout the week, we were just on the sidelines just cheering?”

“Every week, I have two separate groups of people who hear my message before I preach it on Sunday. I call them the firing squad, because I want them to speak freely and honestly.”

“When I get up on Sundays, I can have confidence because this isn’t the gospel according to Adam, it’s the gospel according to the Lord, ran through a filter of eight people who have a solid, solid walk with Jesus. There’s so much confidence in that—just being refined and challenged and encouraged.”

“What you have to do as a pastor is you have to set aside your ego—you are not God’s gift to the world.”

“Whether you’re a worship leader, small group leader, I would encourage you not just to surround yourself with worship leaders who do worship-leading things. But instead, have normal human beings.”

“What do we do when we’re ashamed of something? If it’s a positive thing, we do whatever it is less. Instead of talking with God more, we talk with God less.”

“Instead of trying to make it through the week on our own strength and spending time in the Bible for somebody else and praying for somebody else, we need that for our own self and our own sake and our own soul.”

Mentioned in the Show:

Talking with God: What to Say When You Don’t Know How to Pray

Episode 57: Adam Weber: Lessons Learned When Our Church Experienced Extraordinary Growth

Embrace Church

adamweber.com

When Should the Church Make Political Statements?

communicating with the unchurched

As a pastor, I often struggle with knowing when and how to speak about politics. On one hand, the Christian worldview has ramifications for how we see everything in our lives, which certainly includes which approaches to governing people are the most just and helpful. Furthermore, Christian obedience requires that we stand up for truth, justice and compassion, so when we see groups in our society suffering unjustly, we have to speak out.

On the other hand, we know that the church has been given a specific mission, and getting mired in the secondary questions of politics can divert our mission and mute our witness.

I am asked often to make public statements or sign specific petitions regarding political policies. The requests sometimes come from the left, sometimes from the right. And the issues constantly change. We never back away from teaching truth, of course, but when should the church make overtly political statements in response to current events?

Let me suggest two biblical truths we must hold in tension, and then suggest two questions that can serve as a guide for when to speak.

1. There is a time when we must speak.

The Scriptures are full of admonitions for God’s people to rebuke evil, sometimes with stinging specificity. Read through the prophets, and you hear God calling out injustices of all kinds—toward children, toward women, toward the outcast, the poor, the voiceless. The prophets trumpet a call for God’s justice, and justice always carries a political element. Men like William Wilberforce and Martin Luther King Jr. frequently quoted from prophetic books like Amos to inspire our society to turn to justice.

In the New Testament, John the Baptist preached a “baptism of repentance,” complete with specific accusations about the ways that God’s people—and the local rulers—were disobedient to God’s Law. He called out injustices carried out by soldiers and rebuked Herod for sleeping with his wife’s sister. That latter decision eventually led to John’s death. If John were around today, I imagine that a lot of Christians would have told him to keep quiet. Stick to the church stuff, John. Stop commenting on public sexuality. What was Jesus’ assessment of John’s ministry? He called him the greatest prophet that ever lived.

The church has often failed to speak as directly and specifically as we should in the political realm. Dietrich Bonhoeffer learned this in Germany in the 1930s. The church there was content to simply say, “Discrimination is wrong,” a statement that the Nazi Party would allow. But Bonhoeffer and the Confessing Church knew that obedience required them to take another step, getting their hands dirty by saying, “We must oppose the Nazis.” Like John the Baptist, he paid for it with his life.

In the 1850s, many Christian churches were reluctant to say anything specifically about slavery, even though they opposed the practice. Again in the 1960s, far too many churches stayed silent when they should have offered their hand—and their voice—to the Civil Rights movement. Both of those instances are embarrassments to the church today.

2. There is a time when speaking diverts us from our mission and dilutes our witness.

There is a ditch on the other side of this path, too. In our attempts to apply Scripture to our political situation, we run the risk of getting mired in areas outside our God-given scope.

The ministry of Jesus provides us with a helpful example. In Luke 12:13-14, when asked a specific social justice question (My brother stole money from me!), Jesus refuses to adjudicate: “Who made me a judge over you?” It’s not because he didn’t care about justice, or because he wouldn’t have been able to offer wise counsel. Rather, he didn’t want his kingdom to be too identified or tangled up in world affairs. So he avoided giving an opinion on this particular case, and instead preached a sermon on greed (Luke 12:15–21). Elsewhere we see Jesus, at the peak of his popularity, retreating when people wanted to make him a political king on the platform of solving world hunger (John 6:1-15).

The same pattern runs through the lives of the apostles. Paul, for instance, spent very little time arbitrating the various social ills plaguing the Roman Empire (of which there were many), focusing instead on spreading the gospel and planting churches.

There is time when we have to connect virtue with policy. But far too often, the temptation for the institutional church is to speak too specifically into areas outside the scope of our mission. Policy choices always seem so clear in the moment, but often the benefit of a little distance makes us wish we had not tied the church’s authority to specific policy prescriptions.

Let me share a personal example. Back in 2003, I was on an SBC committee that wanted to make a public statement about the Iraq war. At the time, the mood in our country was hawkish. Nearly everyone was in favor of our military involvement in the Middle East—Republican and Democrat alike. This committee decided to vote to endorse the war, a decision that, at the time, would have been completely uncontroversial. Though at the time I was personally in support of the war, I argued that the institutional church didn’t have any business weighing in on the strategic value of a particular military engagement (except in extreme circumstances). I suggested we make a general statement about our belief in “just war,” and urging our leaders to use wisdom, compassion and restraint. Another man on the committee argued that if we didn’t connect our virtue with policy, our witness would be anemic.

In the end, I caved. Well, sort of. I didn’t vote in support of the statement, but I was too cowardly to vote against it. It passed 8-0, with one abstention.

I think of that experience often. It is precisely when the groundswell of emotion in our country is loudest that the church is most tempted to cross the line and become a political entity. But where there is not a direct line between a biblical moral judgment and a specific policy prescription, the (institutional) church generally should not make an official statement. Even individual believers should exercise a healthy amount of humility here, recognizing that they are shaped by their own particular cultural milieu, and that other conscientious Christians may parse current issues differently. But let’s definitely be hesitant to tying the church’s name to a particular policy when there is not a clear biblical prescription. We may be wrong about policy, but we aren’t wrong about the gospel, and we don’t want our opinions on the former to prevent people from hearing the latter.

How should we discern when to speak and when not to?

First, we need to understand the distinction between the church as an organization and the church as an organism. As an active organism, we want our members to speak into every facet of life, especially politics. As I noted in the beginning, the Christian worldview should affect how we see everything. We need Christians at all levels of society as salt and light, applying their God-given convictions in every possible societal sphere. We want Christians influencing education, healthcare, welfare and taxation policies, trade, and everything in between. Let me be very clear: I want to see Christians in our church getting involved in the political process. Some people may even be so passionate about political engagement that they pursue it as a calling. I have even prayed a few times that God would raise up a future Supreme Court justice from our congregation. (It’s a long shot, yes, but God told me to dream big for his name’s sake, and so I’m doing that.)

But as an organization, the church must limit its corporate involvement to a narrower scope. We are called to teach the Word of God and make disciples.

How do we balance all of this?

Two Crucial Questions

At the Summit, we use two questions to help us determine when the church—as an organization—should speak out:

A. Are the facts so clear and the moral obligations so obvious that Christians cannot, in good conscience, disagree?

One of the problems I often encounter when asked to sign political statements is that they inevitably recommend specific policies. We need specific policies, of course, and we need many more Christians to help ensure that those policies are wise. But most issues are not so morally clear that the policy decisions can’t be disputed among Christians of good conscience. Only in the rarest circumstances can we identify direct biblical lines between moral judgments and policy prescriptions.

For instance, the church has a moral obligation to care for the poor. That’s clear. Conservatives and liberals, however, differ in the ways that they think our society ought to do this. In our church, we all share the moral obligation, but we don’t recommend a specific strategy. Of course, I have my own opinions about which strategies are more effective than others. But I confuse the issue when I suggest that the only way to care for the poor is the political method I subscribe to.

Each of us thinks that our own political position is right. If we didn’t, we’d change our position. But there’s a huge difference between believing that our position is the right one and being certain that our position is the only biblical one. When we pastors make public statements about certain policies, the people in our church don’t usually hear that as, “I believe this policy is unwise,” but as “This is the Christian position, so if you disagree, I’m not sure you’re actually a Christian.” It’s important for us to realize that we don’t have to literally say this for the people in our church to hear it. When church leaders make political statements, they make the members of their church think that there isn’t any room to disagree.

And, of course, there may not be room to disagree. But we need to be sure that’s the case before we say anything about a specific political policy. If sincere and biblical Christians stand across the aisle from you on a political issue, it’s probably best to shy away from that trigger.

B. Does it rise to the level that our witness requires us, as an organization, to speak?

This one doesn’t have a clear-cut grid we can apply. Sometimes a failure to speak tarnishes our (the institutional church’s) witness; sometimes endorsing policies mires us in an area outside of our calling and our institutional expertise.

These things require wisdom. The writer of 1 Chronicles commended the sons of Issachar, who “had understanding of the times, and knew what Israel ought to do” (1 Chronicles 12:32). That means they discerned in the issues at hand broader implications of what was happening in society. Maybe we perceive a looming danger in a societal or governmental trend and we feel compelled to speak—totalitarian or oppressive nation-states are not usually created in a day, after all. Or maybe we realize that in being called upon to speak out we are being used as a tool by one side of the culture war to beat the other, and so we choose not to speak. To both the political left and right, the church is nothing but a handy tool for the accomplishment of their purposes, and we should not be anybody’s tool.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to discernment. This requires prayer, humility and great sensitivity to the Spirit.

A United Church in a Divided World

Just because we, as a church, do not make a statement about a specific political event does not mean that we have no convictions about it. Nor does it imply that we don’t think Christians should have an opinion or be involved. (For more on this, see Kevin DeYoung’s helpful article about “speaking—or not—in a digital world.”)

Sometimes—not often—we make official statements or sign letters. More often than not, our approach is to point our people to the resources we have already produced on the topic, letting our body of work (which is usually clear) speak for itself. But whatever our response, it is always done in an attempt to balance the various biblical admonitions discussed here.

I don’t know everything the government should do on every issue. I have opinions, of course, and I try to make them well-informed ones. But what I do know, beyond any doubt, is that we are called to teach accurately what God’s Word says about various issues, and to make disciples of all people. Where the Bible does not draw a direct line to policy, you won’t find us drawing one that often from the pulpit, either. 

I am praying for Christian leaders who will not abdicate their God-given mission for the allure of politics. I am also praying for a generation of leaders with courage, willing to speak out when and where we must. I am praying for humility for all of us to know that we need the Spirit of God to lead his church in this and every generation.

This article originally appeared here.

Please Don’t Judge Me Before You Know Me

communicating with the unchurched

Don’t judge me before you know me.
I’m not the same as you.
I’ve had a strange upbringing,
One which you never knew.

My life’s had little structure,
My home is not real safe.
I go to sleep each evening,
With a frown upon my face.

Cause Mommy’s still not home yet,
And Daddy, well, who knows?
He left and never came back,
A long, long time ago.

There’s lots of men around though,
Different ones all the time.
Some of them are nice to me,
Others make my mommy cry.

Sometimes I may talk trashy,
And get onto your nerves.
But I don’t see what’s the big deal,
Cause that’s all I’ve ever heard.

I like to come to church though,
It’s a place where I feel loved.
The people there are friendly.
And they never push and shove.

Sometimes they gently get on to me,
For not always being there,
But I try my best to wake up,
When no one else seems to care.

Today I went to Sunday School,
My teacher taught God’s Word.
I’d never felt that way before,
From what I saw and heard.

I gave my heart to Jesus today,
He wrapped me in His love.
He took all of my sin away,
And gave me Heaven above.

I’m worried about my Mom though,
I don’t think that she’s been saved.
I hope that the church people,
Will care about her the same way.

My life has been a rollercoaster,
Rarely a place I belong,
But I’m thankful for the church people,
That I’ve known I can always count on.

Please don’t judge me before you know me,
I’m really a lot like you.
I need to be loved and wanted.
It’s just not something I’m as used to.

  • Every week at churches across the nation, children are picked up on a church bus from unchurched homes and given an opportunity they might not otherwise have to know Jesus. Would you please pray for the kids and the bus workers this week? If your church has a bus ministry, would you prayerfully consider serving in some way?

This article originally appeared here.

The Real Cost of Following Christ

communicating with the unchurched

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” (Luke 14:26 NKJV)

The words of Jesus are not easy words to hear or apply. Why would Jesus ask us to hate? Are we not to love our parents and family? Is Jesus actually asking us to “hate” our loved ones if we choose to follow him? If you strictly read this for face value, it absolutely says that. In fact, even in context, Jesus is telling us about the cost of the being his follower. As is usual, our Savior never intends to close the loop on an idea. Our Twitter way of thinking with its bite-sized candy slogans fails us. In contrast, Jesus gives us something to chew on that might take a lifetime to digest.

What is hate? It may mean this according to a Bible Greek dictionary: “to strongly dislike or have an aversion toward someone or something that usually results in separation between the one who hates and the thing hated.”1 Or, “hate” in plain English is “intense hostility and aversion” due to some act or injury.2 It is not a word that is too hard to explain. But, the dissonance with “love you neighbor” screams in our eardrums. Is not our family included in what Jesus teaches about “neighbor”?

We can hate freeway traffic, the day a bill is due and even garlic—God forbid! This aversion to a person or a thing is something we all relate to. Is Jesus asking us to forget our family when we follow him? Or, is this simply a sarcastic or hyperbolic statement? I believe that we cannot disregard this statement as simply an attention-getter. There is a jewel to be dug out of this shocking declaration.

One of my theological heroes is F.F. Bruce, who wrote The Hard Sayings of Jesus. Bruce says that “hate can mean to love less” because of the biblical idiom of loving one wife and hating the other.3 It perhaps is a degree, then, in Bruce’s argumentation. We can simply then say Jesus is shocking our sensibilities and putting loving and following him as a higher love. What we love most in life then becomes a lesser love when we follow Jesus.

But, I am not entirely satisfied with this. I still think there is something beyond stirring our emotions. The visceral feeling of hate, something we all know, is brought into our contemplation of what it means to follow Christ. The very things that are closest to us and the basis of our identity compared to Christ are to be revolting. The idea of “loving less” is possibly dismissive if we don’t sit on this idea and emotion long enough. Jesus may be asking us this: “Do you know what it really feels like to follow me?”

Who can follow Christ, then? The counting of the cost is clearly delineated by our Savior here. Here is a thought I think often missed in our teaching about following Christ. Even our emotions have a stake in our discipleship. In the context of the whole speech by Jesus, we see the images of bearing a cross, constructing a building and being salt that has not lost its usefulness. Just like the Rich Young Ruler, we may see the cost and then realize we are not willing to fully follow Christ. But, unlike giving up money, the cost is clearly about people and our feelings about them.

Are we willing to lose relationships to follow Christ? In some cultures, to come out as a Christian might mean incarceration or even martyrdom. For these folks, it is not about loving these relationships less. It is about losing everything in a literal sense. Your family may even disown you as one of them. That strong feeling of hate is important because it may be as close to what that feeling of loss might be like as a result of your decision to follow Christ. Jesus, being a man, perhaps was reaching deep into our insecurities, so we understand what it means to choose him. There is no deception to attract us to a comfortable life. Christ reveals the cost of our choices as felt to the core of our being.

Following Jesus should change everything. For most of history, this has been the case. For most people in our world, the loss of everything is what’s put on the table. For us here in America, we have a hard time with what Jesus often says because we assume we can have it both ways—serving two masters. We believe our safety, our home, our family are all part of the package. In fact, some of us even feel so entitled that we think the American Dream is our spiritual right! But, if we listen carefully to the words of Jesus we might be more appalled than comforted. In fact, I think this is why he said some of the things he said. There is not much padding in Jesus’ words in this case.

Our culture deluges us with options from the buffet of lifestyles paraded in front of us—the place we live, shop and people we interact with. With social media, we can talk back to folks who think like us. Facebook has made their algorithmic goal to help this happen in our feeds, allowing people with our likes to be present more than those who are not like us. The isolation from dissonant real-life conversations means we only hear what we want to hear. Jesus invites us to come out of our manufactured relational bubble and count the cost. Losing means we gain him.

Hate—that ever so powerful of emotion—tells us a lot about ourselves. Our biases and our fears all come together and are exposed. Is Jesus telling us to love him more than our family—our parents, kids and spouse? Yes; and this is truly disturbing. While we can say we can love them less than Christ, the idea of actually loving Jesus more than them is what bothers us—deeply, in fact. Can he really mean that? Here is the main point I think Jesus makes when it comes to choosing him. Putting Jesus first means putting others second—even last.

This article originally appeared here.

Can Loved Ones in Heaven Look Down on Me?

communicating with the unchurched

Here’s a question that is not rare, although because it’s a little bizarre, it may first strike us as a weird question. But it’s sincere and important and not infrequent to our inbox. This time it comes from a listener named Leslie. “Pastor John, I am not trying to derive personal comfort from this question, I just honestly want to know: Can people who are in heaven look down and see us (their loved ones) on earth?”

Who of us would not like to know? Who has not asked this good question and wanted to know, especially those of us who have lost loved ones and think about it personally that way, as well as those who wonder whether Jonathan Edwards is looking down or the apostle Paul? So, let me say five things in response to this question.

1. Ultimately, I think the answer is we don’t know for sure. At least, we don’t know to what extent they might be allowed to see and know all that goes on on earth. There is at least one passage of Scripture that some writers would interpret in a way that makes it quite clear that they do know what is going on. And I will get to that in just a moment, but I think that I would not stake my life on a position on this, because I don’t know for sure. But I will tell you what I think in just a minute.

2. I would say that if God grants saints in heaven to see the suffering and misery, as well as the good on the earth, we may be sure that they see it not with their old imperfect eyes, and that they understand it not with their old imperfect minds, and that they assess it not with their old imperfect hearts. Rather, we may be sure because the Bible says that they have been perfected in heaven (Hebrews 12:23) that they will see and understand and assess all things in a perfectly spiritual way that takes into account everything they need to know in order to make sense of it and to keep from making any mistakes. And so, they will not in the least doubt the goodness of God in what they see or the wisdom of God in what they see. That may be as important as any surety of whether they can come and see.

3. There is one text that may well, I think, probably does—probably does—suggest it. God grants the saints in heaven to witness the race that we are running on earth. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Now, the reason that doesn’t settle things for me completely like it does Henry Alford—he thinks that just closes the deal; he thinks they definitely see us, watch us, cheer for us—but the reason that doesn’t settle things completely for me is that the Greek “witness” here, just a couple of verses earlier and three times at least in chapter 11, is a word used to refer to the testimony that the saints of old gave in their willingness to die for the truth of God.

So, it is possible that Hebrews 12:1—“surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses”—simply means that all the saints in the past, when they died, successfully witnessed to their faith on earth and made it to heaven through their suffering. So, you can make it, too—not that they are watching you. But I am inclined to think that it does mean that they are watching, partly because of the picture of the race. It is as though the saints finish their marathon at their death. Then they come around and stand on the side of the racetrack and watch us. And we are supposed to take heart from that because, in essence, they would be saying: Hang in there. Trust God. You can do this. We made it. You can make it, too. And I find that very, very encouraging.

4. We should be cautioned to beware of spending too much time thinking about the saints above so that we are tempted to interact with them in the way that the Roman Catholics do when they pray to the saints and pray to Mary. I think this is very dangerous for the health of our faith. It has led many people, millions I fear, to look to the saints and to Mary in their longing for help, rather than focusing on Christ and the throne of grace that he has opened to us. This very book of Hebrews that we just quoted also says, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence”—because of Christ—“draw near to the throne of grace”—not to Mary, not to the saints—“that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15–16) Christ is the one mediator between God and man. And the New Testament does not encourage us to make the saints or Mary into mediators as we seek God’s help.

5. The last thing I would say is a caution against sentimentalism. You know if you watch movies or television, sooner or later, it seems, every show that has somebody die is going to have some sentimental, sappy statement like, “Well, they are with the angels,” or, “They are in heaven,” or, “They are looking down on us,” without any reference to God or Christ. And we are all tempted to hope that those who had no faith as far as we could see—or little faith—we hope they might be saved. Of course, Jesus is merciful and the thief on the cross was saved in his eleventh hour. And we are not the last judge. Maybe God turned somebody’s heart just before they died. We don’t make those judgments.

But Jesus warns us, “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness’” (Matt 7.22–23″ data-version=”esv” data-purpose=”bible-reference”>Matthew 7:22–23). And that is a warning not just for ourselves, lest we deceive ourselves into thinking we are following Christ when we are not. It is also a warning that we not be sentimental as though everybody who is a good person who died is going to be in heaven.

So, the bottom line is that we should focus on the great, central realities of the New Testament, which are rock solid, absolutely certain and full of hope for all who trust in Christ. And if you think about the great saints in heaven, take heart. If they see you at all, they are cheering you on to endure every hardship by encouraging you to focus on Christ.

This article originally appeared here.

15 Things Young Preachers Need to Know About Seniors

communicating with the unchurched

“They will still bear fruit in old age. They will be full of sap and very green…” (Psalm 92:14).

All generalizations are false. Including this one.

Every rule has its exceptions. Including this one.

Even so, I’m going to make some general statements about seniors. Readers will think of exceptions. But by and large, these statements have been found to be solid and trustworthy throughout long years of ministry.

One: Seniors are not against change; but they dislike abrupt change.

There are no 1948 Packards in your church parking lot. No 1952 DeSotos. But the seniors driving those Camrys and Corollas did not one day trade in that Packard for the Toyota. There were a series of incremental steps in between—like, first buying a 1955 Fairlane, then a 1962 Chevelle, followed by a 1972 Bonneville, and so forth.

I quote Rick Warren who said, “Do not use the word ‘change.’ Say ‘experiment.’ Because if this doesn’t work out, we’ll try something else.”

Two: Seniors are not against innovations in the worship service, but they dislike overdoing it.

It was an 80-year-old who told me we should erect those screens on the wall in front of the sanctuary where we would project texts and photos and videos. “It would help us be able to see the words of the songs better. And the Scriptures.” Until then, I had been reluctant to suggest this change since I had been burned a few times by older people disliking anything different.

Three: Seniors love guitars and violins and even a little percussion in church music, but they don’t like it to interfere with the actual singing.

One reason seniors love “The Old Rugged Cross” and “Amazing Grace” is simply that they know the words, recognize the tune and find it singable. They will enjoy the occasional modern worship song too, so long as it’s uplifting and worthwhile.

When I have visited churches with a contemporary service (with all kinds of musical instruments) followed by a traditional service (with nothing more than the organ and piano), invariably more seniors attend the first service than the second. Seniors love music.

Four: Seniors love to laugh and will be the first to get humor in sermons, but they don’t want it overdone. As one who does a lot of senior events, I cannot imagine one with no laughter. They love to laugh. Did you hear about the elderly couple who got married? They spent their honeymoon getting out of the car.

Seniors will laugh at that longer than anyone. There’s just enough truth in that bit of silliness for it to work.

Five: Seniors don’t resent the young people being featured and young adults coming to the front; they just don’t want to be put out to pasture themselves. Most of them have grandchildren whom they adore, so they will appreciate efforts to reach them with the gospel. Seniors love being around young people and will enjoy events where both groups are included.

Six: Some of your seniors have read more books than you own in your library. You will start to quote something you read recently and it turns out that several in your audience have read everything that author ever wrote. A few may have known him or her personally.

Seven: Some of your seniors have traveled, been to places you never heard of and knew personally people you use as sermon illustrations.

I tell a story about Ty Cobb, the hall-of-fame baseball player who put in 22 years with the Detroit Tigers and set a lot of records, many of which are still on the books. He is said to have come to Christ before dying in 1961. His message to the men he had played ball with said, “Fellas, I got in the bottom of the ninth. I sure wish I’d come in the top of the first.” I tell that and ask, “What inning are you in?” Once in Valdosta, Georgia, a lovely little lady came up and said, “I was Ty Cobb’s nurse at Grady Hospital in Atlanta in those last weeks of his life. A sweet, sweet man.”

Eight: Seniors can still go on mission trips and make a difference.

Becky Gilbreath Crumpton graduated from high school with my brother Ron’s class, in 1954. That puts them both around age 80. A couple of weeks ago when I saw Becky, I said rather flippantly, “So, where are you off to next time?” She said something like, “In two weeks, we’re headed to Nigeria.” (I’m not sure which country she said.) Some years back when I spoke at the Alabama Baptists’ annual convention, Becky was singled out as the Volunteer of the Year. She’s not alone, of course. So many veteran workers with our denomination’s Disaster Relief ministries are seniors and still making a great difference for Jesus. The point is, pastor, do not assume they’re too old. Some of them are younger than you, no matter what the calendar says.

Nine: They appreciate respect but despise being condescended to. Some of my friends remarked that they hate being talked down to like they are five-year-olds. Another said he dislikes people calling him “young man” or “young fella.” In most cases, “Mister Joe” or “Mrs. Mae” works.

Ten: Not all seniors in church know the Lord Jesus, so you should not assume they’re all saved just because they’re in church and active in the work. When you speak to senior groups, give them the plan of salvation from time to time and extend a gospel invitation. It can’t hurt, and might make an eternal difference.

As I type this, today I will drive north 125 miles and address a group of seniors from a three-county area of south central Mississippi. They will be sharp, attentive, alert and involved. But I would be making a serious error in assuming everyone there knows the Lord Jesus. So, even though some may feel it unnecessary, my message will be urging anyone in the audience who has not come to Jesus not to put this off any longer. Urging them to “finish strong”—a theme which every senior can appreciate—means making sure they are right with the Lord for the rest of the journey.

Eleven: Seniors love great Bible teaching. In fact, pastor, no one in your church will love a wonderful Bible study more than they. Many will remember when our churches held annual weeks of study of a book of the Bible, which were always well-attended. Announce that you are going to lead a similar study of a short book of Scripture for a weekday morning, pastor, and you might be surprised at the turnout.

Twelve: Seniors tend to be the best givers in the church. We are told by stewardship directors from our state offices that when this generation goes to Heaven, churches are going to be in real financial crisis since they are not teaching giving the way we used to. Years ago, churches would actually have stewardship revivals. Their annual stewardship emphasis would last for weeks and culminate in a huge dinner with an outstanding speaker. Churches had tithing testimonies and people were urged to tithe. These days, fewer and fewer churches are teaching these principles. Then they wonder why the giving is so weak.

In many cases, pastor, you are reaping the benefits of previous pastors who got this right.

Thirteen: They are your best pray-ers. In churches where we have had round-the-clock prayer ministries, seniors carried the major part of that. It’s a wise pastor who takes advantage of the prayingest people in his church and involves them in such a vital ministry. And by the way, this is not something you have to do “for them.” Enlist one of them to come up with a plan for a prayer ministry.

Fourteen: The sweetest friends a pastor will ever have tend to be seniors. The preacher-father of Dr. Grady Cothen and Dr. Joe Cothen once told his sons, “The Lord has put a delicate balance in the church. He has put just enough headstrong, ornery members to keep you the pastor humble. And He has put just enough sweet godly saints to keep you from quitting.” Joe Cothen would tell that and add, “Every church I ever served had both groups.” Yes, and my observation is that the sweet humble ones who “keep you from quitting” tend to be the old-timers in the congregation.

Fifteen: Neglected or abused seniors can give a pastor more headaches than he ever thought possible. Oh man, the stories I could tell.

In my last pastorate, in the late 1990s, we were conducting a self-study, led by a great guy from our state office, on how to gear ourselves up for the challenges of the future. Demographic studies showed a large percentage of young families living in driving distance of our church, but we were reaching few of them. So, the recommendations involved redirecting some of our efforts and energies in their direction. The seniors blew up.

Even though I was in my late 50s and thus a senior myself, one would have thought I was a 25-year-old pastor dead-set on pushing the oldsters out. I found myself running from home to home, meeting with Sunday School classes and assuring seniors we were never going to neglect them. I still remember them as being some of the most self-centered church members I’ve ever worked with. So, No. 15 on my list of 15 should not be taken lightly.

I will never forget the night I answered the phone and a voice said, “Sir, we’re conducting a survey on the television watching habits of our audience. This will take about three minutes. Could we do that?” I said, “Sure. Go ahead.”

“First,” the man said, “could I ask what group you are in. 25 and under. 25 to 35. 35 to 45. 45 to 55. Or, 55 and up.” I said, “That one.” He said, “Which one?” “55 and up.”

“Click.” He hung up. Not one word of explanation. He just ended the call once he found I was a senior.

That was as eloquent a statement as I have ever seen on how some people discount seniors. So, so foolish.

But this will not happen in a Christian church led by a God-called and Spirit-led pastor. Surely not.

This article originally appeared here.

Executive Committee of the SBC Backs Russell Moore Over Calls for Resignation

communicating with the unchurched

Last week, the president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s (SBC) Executive Committee (EC), Frank Page, met with the head of the SBC’s Ethics and Religious Liberties Committee (ERLC), Russell Moore, in response to a growing call for Moore’s resignation. Yesterday, March 20, 2017, the ERLC’s executive committee released a statement in support of Moore and commended his work to reconcile with those in disagreement with his leadership.

The statement from the EC says “we affirm Dr. Moore in his leadership of the ERLC.” Alluding to the pressure Moore was under to address controversial subjects during last year’s election, the committee affirmed Moore’s dialogue on issues of “religious liberty, racial reconciliation, character in public office and a Christian understanding of sexuality.” These rarely convenient and often unpopular” issues were necessary to address, but stirred controversy within the SBC.

The committee believes the problem was not so much with Moore’s principles as his “delivery, tactics and approach” to communicating those principles. In response to this criticism, the committee encouraged Moore to seek out his critics in private conversations (taking a cue from the instructions of Jesus in Matthew 18), which he did willingly.

Wrapping up their statement, the committee concludes by affirming Moore’s ability to speak “prophetically both to our culture and to our Convention,” This sentiment, that Moore’s is a prophetic voice, is something others, like Pastor Dwight McKissic, have stated previously.

Moore’s Response

Moore included a personal response to the criticisms and the meetings he has held over the last several months. Calling himself a “son of both the long Baptist tradition of missionary cooperation and of the Southern Baptist conservative resurgence,” Moore started his statement by appealing to his SBC peers’ sense of camaraderie. He assured them he is committed to the mission of the SBC: “that the kingdom of God would be seen in gospel churches of those from every tribe, tongue, nation and language.”

Moore says looking back over the last year and the tensions caused by “the state of American politics and the role of religion in it” has caused him much grief. In December, he sought to bring about unity in the midst of conflict by expressing some of his convictions in writing. Some, he says, received his words (even if they disagreed with his viewpoint) and linked arms with him in solidarity. Others, however, did not. It is to these people that Moore offers an apology and takes responsibility for his part of the disagreement.

Although he does not mention specifics or names, Moore seems to be alluding to the problems he pointed out with some who supported Donald Trump’s run for President.

Social media, Moore concedes, was perhaps not the best platform to air some of his concerns, which he expresses by saying:

As the year progressed, I felt convicted—both by my personal conscience and by my assignment by Southern Baptists—to speak out on issues of what the gospel is and is not, what sexual morality and sexual assault are and are not, and the crucial need for white Christians to listen to the concerns of our black and brown brothers and sisters in Christ. I stand by those convictions, but I did not separate out categories of people well—such that I wounded some, including close friends. Some of that was due to contextless or unhelpful posts on social media about the whirl of the news cycle. I cannot go back and change time, and I cannot apologize for my underlying convictions. But I can—and do—apologize for failing to distinguish between people who shouldn’t have been in the same category with those who put politics over the gospel and for using words, particularly in social media, that were at times overly broad or unnecessarily harsh. That is a failure on my part.

I was aware that there were many—including many very close to me—who were quite vocal in critiquing on those areas even candidates they were able to support. These people made clear what they were supporting and what they were rejecting on the basis of the biblical witness, and did not celebrate or wave away the moral problems. I did not speak much about those people because I wasn’t being asked about them, and I didn’t think they were causing the confusion that frustrated me as I was talking even to people I was seeking to win to Christ. But I didn’t clearly enough separate them out. Again, that is a failure on my part, and I apologize.

After outlining his apology, Moore goes on to tell his readers what they can expect from him the future: a continued effort to hold the SBC line and spread the gospel. “My job is to speak to consciences, and to endeavor to provide the resources to pose the right kinds of biblical questions—even if you come to different answers,” he says.

In conclusion, Moore appeals to his SBC peers to consider what is at stake if they allow disunity to disrupt their common mission.

Burnout Is a Danger, Whatever Your Church Size

communicating with the unchurched

I became a pastor and started Embrace when I was 24 years old. It wasn’t my idea. I made myself available, and God had a plan.

The pastor who led me to Christ encouraged me to pursue ministry, so I went to seminary. As I began my final year, he asked if I had ever thought about planting a church. I thought it was a crazy idea! Yet he somehow convinced me to send a few emails inviting people to consider starting a new church. And sure enough, people were up for it.

We started with 32 people and within months grew to around 100, where we stayed for three years. As a small, young church, we struggled to remain financially viable. I tried everything to grow the attendance: Late nights. Long hours. Stepping out of my comfort zone daily. If we wanted to keep our doors open, we needed to grow.

At the time, we met in another church’s building. They worshiped in the mornings and our church worshiped on Sunday evenings. Around noon, after their service ended, they allowed us to put a large A-frame sign near the road that read “Embrace Church.” It took two large men to move it. I had the best volunteers, but we often forgot about the sign after worship. Each time we did, I would search for a friend to help me move the sign, but often I would have to haul it in on my own.

One winter night, a snowstorm came through. With a foot of fresh snow on the ground and more piling on, we still had worship. (Yes, we’re hard-core in South Dakota. It can be 40 degrees below zero with no visibility, and we’ll still have church.) After the service, we put everything away and went home. I drove slowly because of the snow and got all the way to my house before realizing the A-frame sign was still outside. It was late, and I was completely spent. But the sign needed to be moved. So I drove back across town through the snow. Then I crawled underneath the sign and began to lift it with my shoulders.

That night I hit my first breaking point.

I had only recently completed my master’s degree, I didn’t want to start this struggling church in the first place, and here I was moving this stupid sign through three feet of snow. Without thinking, the words came out:

“God, what am I doing here? I’m tired! Why did we start this church in the first place?”

The first three years with Embrace were the hardest of my life.

A few months later, the church changed locations, and our service time went from Sunday evenings to Sunday mornings. That first Sunday morning, we hoped more people might come.

In a single day, we doubled in size. We couldn’t believe it.

Each week thereafter, more people showed up. At first, it was surreal and exciting. We became one of the fastest-growing churches in the country—so fast, I couldn’t keep up. I worked harder and longer. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out how we could handle the steady stream of people coming to our services.

I couldn’t keep up with all the emails. Everyone wanted to meet with me for coffee. I performed a wedding almost every weekend; one weekend I married three different couples. All the while, I was trying to be a husband and a dad. But the church’s phone number was my cell phone, and people didn’t stop calling just because I had gone home for the day.

Before long I started showing up late for appointments or forgetting them altogether. Worse, I was never fully present when I was with my family. I was dropping balls left and right, and people were getting frustrated.

When Embrace started, I could be everyone’s personal pastor and friend—and I loved it. But now I couldn’t keep up. For many churches, rapid growth probably seems like the best-case scenario, but our growth came with so many challenges I had never encountered before.

I hated the criticisms coming from outside our church:

“Why are they growing so fast?”

“It must be shallow.”

“They’re all about numbers.”

Yet worse than the external criticisms where the things I heard from my own people:

“We never get to talk like we used to.”

“Why don’t we grab coffee like before?”

“You used to be easy to get ahold of. I could call, and you would always answer. But not anymore.”

Did I mention that I never wanted to start a church in the first place?

One night, 10 or so of us gathered for a leadership meeting at our church. Before the meeting started, someone asked me how I was doing. I couldn’t respond. I just started sobbing.

Tears I had kept to myself for so long came rushing out. After six years of running, running, running, I was burned out—again.

After that night, I realized I was leading the church completely out of my own strength. I had pushed and pushed for years; my life, my words, my actions, my relationships and my soul showed it. I couldn’t do it anymore. My sob fest at the leadership meeting made it clear that something needed to change.

I decided to make some long-overdue transitions. I learned how to delegate. We finally got a separate phone number for the church, and once home, I put my phone away. I began taking days off. (For me it’s every Friday.) None of these changes were easy to make, but I didn’t have a choice—I’d reached my breaking point.

I discovered the biblical principle of Sabbath, setting aside one day a week to connect with God, to remind myself that God is God, and I am not. In our 24/7, always-connected, constantly-available world, this can be one of the hardest commands in the entire Bible to follow. It was for me. Why? Because I often believe the lie that I’m in control of things that are beyond me.

Even though I’m on the other side of sheer exhaustion, I still find myself tempted weekly, sometimes daily, to do things on my own. I want to put my head down and work harder. I try to figure everything out without any help. Whenever I feel this tug back toward the road to burnout, I say a quick prayer: “Lord, forgive me.”

For more from Adam Weber, check out his new book, Talking with God.

This article originally appeared here.

Is Your Focus on the Right Thing?

communicating with the unchurched

Note: The illustration in this post is written tongue in cheek. However, the application of it is quite serious.

So I was in Starbucks today, but left without buying anything. The cashier was in front of the register restocking the cookies in a metal tin. I was standing in her path of sight, so she knew a customer was waiting. The cookies just would not straighten to her liking so she kept working on them, rather than serving the waiting customer. I didn’t get worked up by this, but I did leave without the drink I was craving. If that would be the worst thing I faced today, I think I’m having a pretty good day.

As I was driving away, I got to thinking about that situation and how it relates to other parts of life, including my work in youth ministry. How am I caught straightening the cookies and missing opportunities with students waiting for my attention? At the risk of making too much out of that cookie situation, I think this is kind of important for youth workers to evaluate.

Here’s a small list of ways all of us may be missing the mark (straightening the cookies, rather than helping students):

  • Interrupting a student talking to us to tell a story her words reminded us of
  • Hanging out in the back of the youth room with other leaders during a program instead of experiencing the service with the students
  • Doing anything on our phones while with students, unless it somehow involves them
  • Quietly daydreaming as we drive our students somewhere, when we could be joining in their conversation

Let’s “straighten the cookies” on our own time. When we’re with students, let’s give them our whole attention.

This article originally appeared here.

85-Cent Principle, Huge Leadership Value

communicating with the unchurched

I recently went to a vending machine to purchase a snack. The Twix bar in slot B-3 was calling my name. It cost 85 cents. “Eighty-five cents?” I thought. What an odd price for a vending machine. Usually it’s 50 cents, 75 cents or a dollar. I realized if I bought the Twix I had to carry around 15 cents in my pocket for the rest of the day. So, I didn’t buy it.

I love Twix. But…

I don’t love walking around with change in my pocket going jingle-jangle-jingle all the way home all day. More than I valued cheap, I valued simple. I wanted to put a dollar in and walk away with my snack. I’m sure whoever priced them thought they were doing us a favor by saving us 15 cents. They weren’t.

They thought I valued cheap (which I do…but not when it’s a matter of 15 cents). I actually valued simple. I found myself thinking, “I wish they charged a dollar for this so I wouldn’t have the change.” Think about that. I would have preferred to pay more not to have to deal with carrying the change. This is the same reason people prefer to pay with cards and not cash—to the tune of 12-18 percent.

Here’s the 85-cent rule: Know what people actually value—not what they should. People are more open to learning how to add or grow values they should have, once you start with what they actually value. This is most true when seeking to reach people far from God. When we aim first at “shoulds” we rarely realize that by doing so, those “shoulds” rarely become “actuallys.” Why? Because of the 85-cent principle.

Think about your church’s ministries and ask 85-cent principle questions about them. “What are we actually asking people to do to engage with this ministry?” You may think doing your Saturday event for young families later in the morning (10am-ish) is more convenient than doing it at 8:30 because young families are always looking tired and would like to sleep in. However, you find by 8:30 they’ve already been up for two hours and by 10:00 it’s soccer game time—so they’ll pass…

Because you charged them 85 cents…so to speak.

The best way to know what might bless people? Know the people.

This article originally appeared here.

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