Right. But most husbands don’t understand why their wife doesn’t feel valued even though they sat on the couch together for three hours. Here’s why. You stared at the TV or your phone most of the time while occasionally nodding your head, pretending to listen. That’s called divided attention.
Guys, you’re not spending quality time with her because you’re in the same general area. This isn’t about proximity. This is about posture and attitude. When your wife speaks, look at her. Eye contact says you’re valuable.
Your wife won’t tell you this, but she needs undivided attention. And she should. If you don’t turn off the TV or put down the phone when your wife speaks, you’re not just sending your wife a signal. You’re sending yourself one. You’re saying your relationship isn’t important.
3.) Open and honest communication
Generally speaking, guys don’t want details. If I’m talking with friends, I don’t care for details. If they’re necessary for making a decision, by all means, give me the details. Otherwise, I only need the important stuff.
Your wife is wired differently. When she says, “How was your day?” she wants the details. “It was good” is more of a slap in the face than a sufficient response to her question. Your wife loves you, and she wants to know everything about you, even stuff you consider insignificant. But she probably won’t tell you this.
Communication is the linchpin of a healthy relationship. Anytime I withhold information from Tiffani, whether I am scared of how she will respond, I want to “protect” her or I just don’t have the energy to share all the details, it goes bad. The longer I’m married, the more I realize the importance of open and honest communication.
Even if openly communicating means revealing painful information, your marriage will be better off in the long run. For many years, I hid a pornography addiction from Tiffani. She discovered my addiction only when she opened my computer and stumbled across a pornographic site. I was always afraid to tell her because I didn’t want to hurt her. Turns out, the wound she sustained was deeper (and took longer to heal) because she discovered it rather than me being honest with her.
Husbands, your wife needs open and honest communication.
4.) Help with daily tasks
Marriages don’t have assigned tasks. You won’t hear phrases like “that’s her job” in a healthy marriage. Whether your wife stays at home or works 9-5, you should help with daily tasks. And husbands, know this: She probably won’t tell you she wants help. But she does.
So, change a diaper without being asked. Fold the clothes. Clean the dishes. Maybe you’re tired from work. Maybe your wife doesn’t like to clean. But instead of coming home and telling her exactly how you feel, be a servant. Clean the house yourself. Pick up the dishes yourself.
Help your wife. Do so without being asked. Her respect for you will increase exponentially.
5.) A break
Culture places impossible expectations on women. Your wife feels those expectations. She might be completely overwhelmed. She might feel totally inadequate. She might be exhausted, sick or hurting. But she won’t tell you. And if you ask, she will probably say, “I’m fine.”
Husbands, first and foremost, you should understand the weighty expectations on your wife. Be sympathetic to them. Secondly, you must look beyond the words. Don’t ignore them, but don’t accept them either. Watch her. Study her. When you notice her struggling, step in and give her a break. Give her permission to sit down or get out of the house.
Ask her what needs to be done, and do those things. This will not only help her, but it will also improve your marriage.