Few leadership styles do more damage with less noise than control.
A controlling leader rarely thinks they are “controlling.” They think they are being responsible. They think they are protecting the mission, keeping standards high, and preventing mistakes.
But the fruit tells the truth.
Under a controlling leader, leadership development dries up. People stop offering ideas. Strong teammates quietly disengage. The team becomes dependent, fearful, and exhausted. Morale drops, turnover rises, and momentum slows to a crawl.
I’ve written about this before because I’ve seen it repeatedly. In churches and in businesses, controlling leadership is one of the fastest ways to stall growth and burn out good people.
A friend of mine recently described his boss this way. “I’m done. I can’t take it anymore.” He’s a capable, motivated employee. But he’s updating his resume because his leader cannot let go of the reins. If he leaves, the organization will feel it. Not immediately, but deeply.
In that conversation, my friend asked a question that matters:
How does someone become a controlling leader?
I can’t answer for every leader. But I can name the patterns I’ve seen, and the triggers I recognize in myself. If we’re honest, most leaders can become controlling under pressure.
Here are four common roads that lead there and what to do about them.
Here are four ways a leader becomes controlling:
1. Lack of Faith (In People, Yourself, or God)
Controlling leadership often starts with a belief that nothing will get done correctly unless you do it.
Sometimes that is pride. Sometimes it’s insecurity. Sometimes it’s spiritual: a subtle unbelief that God can work through other people, not just through you.
What it looks like
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You redo other people’s work instead of coaching them.
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You “approve” everything, even small decisions.
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You do not delegate outcomes, only tasks.
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You hold the vision so tightly no one else can carry it.
What to do instead
Delegate with clarity, not anxiety.
In the church, delegation is not optional. It’s part of how Christ built His ministry. Jesus set direction, trained people, sent them, and trusted them with real responsibility. If the Son of God could empower imperfect disciples, you can empower your team.
