How can you truly know the person you’re planning to marry? Can you actually have peace going into the marriage? In the most recent episode of their podcast, Jinger Duggar Vuolo and her husband, Jeremy, discussed how they navigated their fears on this topic prior to marrying each other.
“I was so afraid of not knowing who that person was going to be deep down. I always had this lingering fear of like, ‘Oh no, if I enter a relationship with someone and if I’m married to them, how will I ever truly know who they are?’” Jinger said. “I think a lot of that stemmed from fear of what I had been through, you know, even just seeing people make choices that were really painful and hard and not knowing exactly who that person was. It was scary for me.”
How Jinger Duggar and Jeremy Vuolo Navigated Pre-Marriage Fears
Jinger Duggar Vuolo is the sixth child of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, whose family was featured in TLC’s reality show, “19 Kids and Counting,” and later, in TLC’s “Counting On.” She is the author of the books “People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations” and “Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear.”
Jinger was raised to follow the teachings of Bill Gothard via his Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). Now, she speaks publicly about learning to reject the fear and legalism Gothard promoted and instead live in the freedom Christ offers.
The Duggar family has navigated scandals over the years related to Josh Duggar, the oldest of the 19 Duggar children. In May 2022, he was sentenced to over 12 years in prison for receiving and possessing child pornography. In 2015, it became publicly known that as a teen, Josh had allegedly sexually molested five girls, including four of his own sisters.
Also in 2015, Josh’s name was revealed as part of a data breach of Ashley Madison, an online dating site for people who want to cheat on their significant others. He also confessed to a pornography addiction and to being unfaithful to his wife, Anna Duggar.
Jinger and Jeremy cohost “The Jinger and Jeremy Podcast,” where they discuss topics including purity culture, their family, and their relationship. Their most recent podcast episode focused on setting realistic expectations and having peace about the person one intends to marry.
Jinger said that she used to have expectations shaped by Bill Gothard based on the idea that if she had enough control and rules, she would be safe.
“I had a big fear that, like almost if you can’t control a guy, he’s not going to survive this world ‘cause it is a dark world,” Jinger said. “It’s full of sin.” At one time she believed that a man should not go to the theater or the gym in order to avoid sexual temptation.
Jeremy said that, like Jinger, he was afraid of marrying someone without knowing who she truly was at heart. “If you grew up in the church, you might have…this idea of a bulletproof plan to find someone who will never abandon you, never mistreat you,” he said. “There’s a safety in the church. And there genuinely is a safety in the church in the sense of, okay, this is where believers should be, people who love and obey Jesus.”
Nevertheless, Jeremy remembered observing a church leader’s wife abandon him. “It solidified this fear I had of, how am I ever going to know if my wife is the real deal?” Jeremy said. “And how am I ever going to get to a place where I’m confident, you know, standing across from her saying, ‘I do?’ How can you truly ever know someone?”
In the most recent episode of their podcast, Jinger Duggar Vuolo and her husband, Jeremy, discussed how they navigated their fears about marriage prior to marrying each other. Click to Post
