I’m spending so much time on these mediocre experiences because it is important to me you understand what I find most discouraging about online dating: how widespread and normalized this mediocrity and uncertainty are.
So much of the behavior I’ve encountered just comes across as irrational in the most mundane sense of the word. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would anyone, especially anyone who claims to be a Christian, who is (in theory) looking for a spouse, act this way? And yet it happens all the time.
However…I still need to talk about the creeps.
Online Dating: The Creeps
Thankfully, my encounters with the creeps are the exception to my online dating experiences. But I do need to mention them because they were part of my online dating experiences. I had my two worst interactions with guys from online dating apps back-to-back during the summer a couple years ago. I remember that it was during the summer because it was right over Fourth of July.
The first interaction began with a date that ironically was among my more enjoyable first dates. Our conversation revealed that we were not on the same page about faith, so I was ultimately not interested, and at the end of the date he didn’t say anything about meeting up again.
Everything would have been fine, except he messaged me later that day, complimenting me, and suggesting that we could have an arrangement where he paid my bills in exchange for my “company.”
I should have blocked and reported him, but unfortunately I sent a stern and way-too-polite rejection of that offer, after which he unmatched me. You can imagine how discouraging it was to connect with someone who had “Christian” written on his profile and then be offered money for sexual favors.
A couple days later, I had the second interaction, which began when someone who had been aimlessly texting me for a couple of weeks asked if I met a lot of creeps on dating apps. LOL bad sign.
I said no, because even though mere days earlier the other guy had just offered to be my sugar daddy, that was the exception, thank God. I didn’t tell the new guy about that. I just said that I mainly encountered flaky people. This second man replied that, for his part, he met a lot of women who were only interested in sex.
He then informed me that he believed people should save sex for marriage but that he did enjoy: holding hands, kissing, and blow jobs. Then he said, “What are your thoughts, babe?”
I had never met this man in person or spoken to him on the phone.
And, this man’s profile, even more than the previous one’s, had given me reason to think he might be a genuine Christian. I won’t tell you which dating app I met him on, but I will tell you it is marketed as a Christian dating app. “Christian dating” is in the name of the app in the App Store to this day.
It’s not just that this was sooo icky. It’s that part of online dating as a Christian is hoping to meet someone who is a follower of Jesus—and then encountering behavior that is so un-Jesus-like.
I had to take an extended online dating break after those experiences.
Acknowledging the Good
It’s hard to try to convey to you how difficult online dating has been for me (and for many people I know) without being one-sided about it and giving you an entirely negative picture. There have definitely been positive aspects to it.
I’ve interacted with plenty of guys who were respectful to me. I can’t think of a single one who took me out to dinner or coffee who didn’t pay. They all paid, and I see that as considerate, gentlemanly behavior.
Right after I had my encounters with the creeps, I went out with a guy who was kind and respectful over text and in person. I appreciated that all the more because of how I had just been treated. I’ve had many perfectly fine first dates, some more enjoyable than others. Most of them didn’t go anywhere. Some of them did.
Through online dating, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about how to approach dating. I’m thankful for that and thankful that online dating provides a way for me to take action in finding a life partner.
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