Laws of the Harvest: God Can’t Multiply What You Haven’t Sown

January 3, 2018

Based on Paul’s teaching in Galatians 6 and 2 Corinthians, let me share with you the five laws of the harvest.

In Galatians 6:7, the Apostle Paul highlights what I’ve heard called an “absolute principle” in Scripture: “For whatever a person sows he will also reap” (CSB, cf. Proverbs 11:18, 22:8-9). Throughout the rest of Galatians 6, Paul helps us apply this principle to our money and possessions. Paul has done this elsewhere, as in 2 Corinthians 9:6: “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously” (NIV).

Law 1: The harvest is limited to the planting.

You can only harvest what you plant. In other words, if you haven’t sown it, God can’t multiply it. One of the clearest pictures of multiplication occurs in John 6, where Jesus is standing before 5,000 hungry people (more like 15,000 if you include the women and children). He takes a little boy’s lunch, five loaves and two fish—a Hebrew Happy Meal. You know the story: After Jesus takes the loaves and fish and blesses the food, he distributes it to his disciples until everyone is fed and there are 12 basketfuls leftover.

This miracle demonstrates the pattern of multiplication. It’s only as you put what you have in the hands of Jesus that it’s multiplied. We tend to reverse that. Well, if God multiplies what I have, then I’ll give it away. But God says, “Give it away, and it will multiply!”

Law 2: The harvest comes later than the planting.

The hard part about harvesting is that it takes time to see your efforts pay off. That’s why many people never see the harvest. They start off well, but they give up too soon.

We live in a generation of instant gratification. I know I’m like that. When I diet, I want to see the results right away. I want to eat salad one time and see the difference the next morning. But life doesn’t work like that. Real change takes time to grow.

This is even truer in agriculture. One of our campus pastors told me about a practical joke he played on his neighbors when he was a kid. He grew up on a farm, so he always had access to a bunch of seeds. So after his neighbors would aerate their lawns, he and his buddies would sneak out at night and throw random seeds into their yards. He said the hard part about the joke was that it took so long to see the results. But sure enough, within six months or so, there were watermelons and sunflowers growing in their yards! (Summit, these are the people to whom you have entrusted your souls.)

Results take time. What you sow today, you won’t see the return of until the next season in life. Sowing is all about the future. And while it’s worth the wait, we often don’t act like it.

Law 3: The harvest is greater than the planting.

In the harvest, what comes back to you is always greater than what you sowed. If you plant a wheat seed, it will turn into a wheat stalk that can produce hundreds of wheat seeds. The law of greater says that what starts small multiplies into something much bigger than what you began with. What you reap will always come back greater than what you sow. Jesus talked about a harvest of 30, 60 and 100 fold (Mark 4:20).

When Scripture applies this to money, it teaches us that the harvest is greater than the planting in both the magnitude of what you reap and the kind of fruit you reap. Paul says in Galatians 6:8 that we reap eternal life from the Spirit by our sowing; in 2 Corinthians he calls this the “harvest of righteousness.” God often uses generosity to give us gifts far greater than money.

Think of it this way: Which would you rather have—a lot of money or the ability to be truly happy and satisfied with what you have? Only a fool would say, “Give me the money.” Why? Because the reason you want more money is to be happier and more satisfied. What if there was a better way to get to that end? In Matthew 6:21, Jesus challenges his disciples to be generous with their money because “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” It’s the same principle. Invest your treasure in heaven, and watch your heart follow it. Having your heart set on heaven is a far greater gift than having more cash.

Law 4: The harvest is proportional to the planting.

Plant one seed, and you’ll get one plant (hopefully). Plant a dozen, and you’ll get a dozen. Invest minimally in God’s kingdom, and you’ll reap minimally; invest greatly, and watch as God brings in a harvest you can’t contain.

Here’s a startling biblical truth: Your generosity toward God and others determines his generosity toward you. Here’s how Solomon put it: “Whoever is kind to the poor is lending to the Lord—the benefit of his gift will return to him in abundance” (Proverbs 19:17 ISV). Solomon was himself a man of generosity. For example, it was a tradition for the king to sacrifice one bull during his inauguration. But 1 Kings 8 tells us that Solomon sacrificed a thousand bulls. How’s that for giving “above and beyond”? Is it any coincidence that that the only time God said to someone, “Ask me for whatever you want, and I’ll give it to you,” he said it to an extravagant giver? To the excessively generous, God is excessively generous. You can’t out-give God!

Law 5: We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s.

You reap today what you sowed yesterday. I know a lot of you hate that. You’re living for God now, but the consequences of past mistakes keep rearing their ugly heads. You can’t do much to change the harvest that you’re reaping today—even if you pray about or if you ask for forgiveness. Yes, God forgives us as soon as we come to him. But those old seeds seem so persistent.

God won’t always eliminate the tough harvest you’re living through immediately. But he can change your life by empowering you to sow seeds of the Spirit in your life today. The financial difficulties you’re experiencing, the materialism in your kids, the dissatisfaction in your own heart…these may be a harvest of an ungenerous past.

We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s. The old proverb states: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is today. It’s time to start sowing different seeds so you can reap a different harvest. What do you want to reap next year? It is only possible if you start sowing for it today.

This article originally appeared here.

Running an Annual Planning Retreat for Your Church

Church Fuel

January 3, 2018

Most churches have meetings and retreats.

And if the people attending those meetings and retreats were honest, they would say they were not as effective as they should be. In fact, you might even hear the phrase “waste of time” tossed around.

At Church Fuel, we teach a proven meeting rhythm that can help your church identify what is most important, then align your meetings toward seeing those results. Here’s the overview:

The Annual Planning meeting is a retreat built around building an annual plan for the coming year.
The Quarterly Priority meeting involves the same people and it’s where you take the annual plan and come up with 90-day chunks of work to make it happen.
The Monthly Focus meeting takes less time but it’s where communication, issues and leadership development happens.
The Weekly Meeting is a chance to share success stories, review the numbers and deal with issues.

You don’t really need to understand the intricacies of the entire system to benefit from the annual planning retreat. In fact, no matter how well your church is organized, getting the right people together for a few days to focus on a growth plan for the next year would be a good thing.

In this article, I want to offer some practical suggestions for how to run a good annual plan retreat.

Here are six suggestions.

#1 – Decide what you’re going to accomplish.

Before you reserve a meeting room or ask people about their availability, determine the purpose for your retreat and decide what you want to accomplish.

Many churches try to do too much with a short amount of time, mixing in spiritual development with team building exercises with planning sessions and often resulting in little to show for it other than a good time.

Before you meet, clarify your goals.

Are you getting together for spiritual development or planning?
Are you meeting in order to solve a problem?
Is your goal planning?

Personally, I recommend your annual retreat centering around creating or updating the one-page ministry plan. This one-page template has eight sections, giving you a broad enough agenda to allow room for discussion but clear enough guidelines.

Imagine going home from your annual retreat with all eight boxes filled in and ready to go.

#2 – Invite and involve the right people.

The effectiveness of any meeting largely depends on the people in the room, so making sure you have the right people at the retreat is probably your most important decision.

You need people who think church first, ministry second. That’s why involving the entire staff or everyone with a specific title is often a mistake. The youth pastor shouldn’t drive everything back to youth ministry, but should think about the mission, strategy and goals for the whole church. If you have ministry leaders in the room, make sure they know when to take their ministry leader hat off and put their church leader hat on.

You also need people to understand the value of big-picture planning. If there are people in the meeting who continually draw the conversation back to short-term issues, you’ll struggle to get traction. Make sure everyone knows your goal is to look at the big picture, not solve next week’s problems. An Elder who loves Jesus and teaching the Bible might not be as passionate about crafting an annual plan.

Make sure everyone in the room will add value and prepare people accordingly.

#3 – Do your homework.

Before you get together for your annual retreat, it’s helpful to get some information together in advance. Here are three things you may want to do ahead of time:

Take a look at where you are now. Use the Church Health Worksheet to capture as much real data as you can on attendance, giving, influence, etc. Here is a link to the Church Health Worksheet.
If there are big events in your church or community, go ahead and gather all of that information. You’ll want to know school schedules and the dates for major holidays and events.
Many churches find that a congregational or attender survey is helpful to take into the planning process. You could ask people why they love the church, attend the church or give to the church. You can ask about favorite events or preferences. You can ask for message topic ideas.

9 Little Character Tests That Tell You Way Too Much About Yourself

Carey Nieuwhof

January 3, 2018

Do you need a good test of character? Sometimes progress in life can be tough to measure.

You might feel stuck right now. Or just the opposite—you might feel like you’re making incredible progress.

But are you? How would you know?

Of all the areas in which I want to make progress in this life, character (which is inherently tied to spiritual growth) is the greatest.

How do you know how your character is doing…really?

It’s important, because in the scheme of life, character trumps gifting. The headlines are littered with gifted people whose character (or lack of it) caused their downfall. Your competency will take you only as far as your character will sustain you.

Surprisingly, your character isn’t just revealed in your best moments. The truth often breaks out in the little moments.

If you want a good test of character to know how you’re really doing, check yourself in these nine everyday moments we all encounter.

Nine Everyday Challenges That Are a Great Test of Character

Before I jump into the list, just know I have failed every one of these tests at some point in my life.

OK, sometimes I still fail some of them. But you have to have something to work toward, don’t you?

Test of Character 1. What you think when someone takes ‘your’ parking spot

You know that moment when you get to the mall parking lot and see the empty space, only to have someone else dart in? Yes. That moment.

Or the parking space you always park in at work that someone else had the audacity to use yesterday? And no, it didn’t have a reserved sign or anything…but the planet should know that’s your space!!!

What happens inside you in that moment?

That’s your character speaking.

5 Criteria for Making New Year’s Resolutions You Will Actually Keep

Ron Edmondson

January 3, 2018

I love a fresh start.

Perhaps it’s because grace is the doctrine I’ve needed so much, but there’s something about a clean slate that motivates me toward achievement.

I’m like this with my desk at the office. I create stacks. Magazines to be read. Notes to be written. Lists to be completed. Bulletins from other churches. (I am always looking for better ideas.) Stacks, stacks and more stacks. When the stacks are at capacity—I call it organized chaos.

But, then one day I’ve had enough of the stacks and I go on a cleaning spree. I sort. I file. I trash until the top of my desk shows far more wood than paper. Ahhh… Finally, I’m inspired to work again.

I love a fresh start.

I think this may be why I’m one of the people who appreciates New Year’s resolutions. It’s like a line on the calendar that screams to me: FRESH START!

But, as much as I appreciate the value in them—beginning new things, stretching myself, making my life better—I’m like everyone else. I find it easier to make resolutions than to keep them.

How do we make resolutions we will actually keep?

Because resolutions—even the strongest ones—aren’t going to improve anything if you don’t follow through with them. And, they probably just make you more frustrated than before you made them. Who needs more frustration?

So, what can you do? Let me try to help.

First, write them down. This is huge. I’ve heard people say you are twice as likely to keep a written resolution than one you simply state in your mind.

Second, try not to have too many. You will be overwhelmed and give up before you start.
And, then, here are some suggestions for the type of resolutions that seem to work. This helps me.

Five criteria for making resolutions you can actually keep:

Reasonable

Another word might be attainable. The resolution must make sense for you to actually be able to do this year. Saying you want to read 50 books in a year—because you heard someone else does it—and yet you didn’t read any this past year, is probably going to be a stretch. You might be able to do it, but it likely isn’t a reasonable goal. Don’t be afraid of small beginnings (Zechariah 4:10). The key is you’re trying to achieve something that makes your life better. If you’re successful this year you can set a higher goal next year.

Measurable

To be successful in keeping a resolution you need some way to monitor success toward it—certainly a way to know when you’ve achieved it. If your resolution is simply to lose weight you won’t be as motivated as if you say you want to lose a pound a week. You can track that goal and see your progress. Obviously it will still require discipline, but there is something about a measurable goal which—for most of us—drives us to meet it.

Sustainable

This one doesn’t apply for every resolution, but does in many. Ultimately I have found I’m more motivated to reach goals that change my life for the better over a longer period of time. It’s great to meet those milestones, once in a lifetime type of achievements—such as running a marathon, or writing a book. And, we should have those type of goals in our life—and maybe a milestone resolution is reasonable for you this year. The problem I have seen is if we get off track on reaching them it’s easy to simply give up—maybe even write it off as an unreasonable goal. We feel defeated and so we quit making any resolutions. In making New Year’s resolutions, I find I’m more successful if it’s something that I can possibly adopt as a new lifestyle. Some examples would be changing my eating habits, beginning to exercise more often, Bible-reading, journaling, etc.—again reasonable and measurable—but something I will sustain beyond the New Year.

Accountable

This is key. Weight Watchers is a great example here of this principle. There is something about their system that works, and part of it is the reporting portion—where you have to be accountable to others for your progress. If you don’t build in a system of accountability—whether it’s with other people or some visible reminder of your resolution and progress—it’s easy to give up when the New Year euphoria begins to fade.

Reward-able

And, this may be the most important and the least practiced. One secret to actually achieving your resolution may be to find the “carrot” that will continually motivate you to stretch for the finish line. If losing weight is a goal, it could be a new suit or dress when you reach a pre-determined number. If it’s running a marathon (and if this is a reasonable resolution for you this year), it could be you run the marathon in some destination city you can’t wait to visit. If it’s reading your Bible through in a year, promise yourself a new Bible at the end of the year. The reward should fit the degree of stretching and effort it took to accomplish the resolution, but this often serves as a good incentive to helping you reach your goals—especially during the times you are tempted to quit trying.

I hope this will help. It does for me. I have some daily disciplines in my life now that started as New Year’s resolutions. It doesn’t work for everyone, but I’ve found resolutions can help me start the year with fresh goals, and the discipline toward achieving them helps me have more discipline in other areas of my life.

Here’s to a great New Year! God bless!

This article originally appeared here.

You Failed Me

Kurt Bubna

January 3, 2018

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve heard from two different men, “You failed me.”

Neither one of them used those precise words, but what each did say was clear. They both had unmet expectations of my leadership and me, and they felt like I had let them down.

And in many ways, I had.

I own that reality.

Without a doubt, in over 40 years of leading, I’ve made many mistakes. Fact is, my leadership blunders, oversights and missteps are common and have led to lots of frustrating moments for others (and me).

I’ve said it a thousand times: Unmet expectations are the source of most conflict. When someone—anyone—doesn’t do what you think they should do or does something you didn’t expect, the natural response is disappointment leading to struggle.

I am more aware of this painful truth than you can imagine.

Especially now.

The two guys I mentioned matter to me a great deal. One I have viewed as a brother and the other as a son. And it kills me to know that I have let them down. For days now, I’ve gone through a range of emotions from hurt to frustration to anger to depression. It hasn’t been pretty (ask my dear wife).

It took me awhile, but I finally got on my face and prayed.

“God, what’s wrong with me? Why does it seem like the one thing I’m ‘good’ at is letting others down?”

I even had some empathy for Elijah, who once prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4).

Relax. I’m not suicidal. No need to call 911 for me. But I did pray, “Lord, I’m good with going home anytime now.”

Elijah had just come off an incredible victory. God had used him to defeat 450 false prophets on Mount Carmel. (You can read about it here.) However, when threatened by Jezebel, Elijah became afraid and ran for his life. He went from ecstasy to agony and then ran off alone to be in the wilderness where he prayed, “Just kill me, God. I’d rather die at your hands than at the hands of anyone else” (my paraphrase).

Elijah was overcome by emotions. He lost sight of the bigger picture. Now, alone, discouraged and feeling like a failure, he wanted to take the easy route. He wanted to quit.

Been there.

What I love about our God is that even when He finds us in the wilderness hiding, He meets us there—right there—in the midst of our pain. And then He speaks, “Get up. Stay the course. No easy route to heaven for you! I’m not done with you yet.” (Read about Elijah’s encounter with an angel and then the Lord here.)

So, early this morning, I’m sitting in the dark, staring out the window, praying (more like complaining to God about my recurring idiocy as a leader), and the Holy Spirit whispers to my soul:

When you fail someone, in whatever way you do, that does not mean you are a failure; it means you are human.

That word wrecked me in a very good way. It was the Lord reminding me, “Get up. Stay the course. I’m not done with you yet.”

I’m literally weeping even now as I realize…

I’m human.

I fail.

But in God’s eyes, I am not a failure.

I am His.

I am called.

I still have a job to do.

He’s not done with me, yet.

That, my friends, is epic grace.

11 Things Leaders Will Miss When They Are No Longer Leading

Brian Dodd

January 3, 2018

All leadership is temporary. It will eventually come to an end. Then the mantle of your leadership will be passed to someone else who will soon change many of the systems and processes you implemented. Regardless of your area of discipline, this is simply the reality of leadership.

This past September President Barack Obama was interviewed by Britain’s Prince Harry on BBC Radio 4’s Today program as part of the Invictus Games. Regardless of what you think of President Obama’s politics, he provided some incredible insights into his post-presidency leadership.

As I read a USA Today article detailing their conversation, I gleaned 11 Things Leaders Will Miss When They Are No Longer Leading. All comments are from President Obama.

Leaders Will Miss Having a Certain Level of Authority When They Are No Longer Leading – “I have to rely more on persuasion than legislation.”
Leaders Will Miss Their Team When They Are No Longer Leading – “I miss my team.”
Leaders Will Miss Their Level of Influence When They Are No Longer Leading – “Everything you do every day you know can affect millions and billions of people in some cases”
Leaders Will Miss the Intellectual Challenge When They Are No Longer Leading – “to have really smart (people)”
Leaders Will Miss Having That Level of Focus and Intentionality When They Are No Longer Leading – “focused people”
Leaders Will Miss the Nobility of Leadership When They Are No Longer Leading – “who are there for the right reasons”
Leaders Will Miss Having a Team They Trust When They Are No Longer Leading – “who over time have built up trust”
Leaders Will Miss the Support of Others When They Are No Longer Leading – “have learned to support each other”
Leaders Will Miss Having People Rely on Them When They Are No Longer Leading – “rely on each other, I miss that.”
Leaders Will Miss Fascinating and Rewarding Work When They Are No Longer Leading – “I miss the work itself because it was fascinating and rewarding.”
Leaders Will Miss Doing Work That Benefits Others When They Are No Longer Leading – “You knew that even if the politics of a certain issue didn’t always work out well that by doing a good job there was somebody out there.”

These are the perks of leadership.

I also found it interesting what President Obama did not say he would miss:

The Press
Pressure
Conflict
Sleepless Nights
Disappointment
Failure
Time Away From Family
Meetings
Hard Decisions

These make up just some of the price of leadership.

What is one thing you will miss when you are no longer leading?

This article originally appeared here.

Steve and Jackie Green: Inviting All People to Engage With the Bible

Jason Daye

January 3, 2018

Steve and Jackie Green are the founders and visionaries of the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C., and offer their unique perspective on the Bible’s history and impact. They co-authored a book about the Bible titled, This Dangerous Book. Steve is also president of Hobby Lobby.

Key Questions:

How did God give you a vision for a Bible museum?

What have you learned about dealing with criticism?

What’s your favorite artifact from the Bible museum?

[SUBSCRIBE] For more ChurchLeaders podcasts click here!

Key Quotes:

“I don’t know how many times I said to God, ‘Don’t you have someone better qualified to do this?’” – Jackie Green

“The Bible is a book that is loved and hated, it’s controversial. Because of that there are those who will take any misstep you make and try to run with it.” – Steve Green

“There’s value in listening to your critics, that’s when you learn and improve…but in some cases there is constructive criticism that is meant to harm and hurt. You strive to know what is helpful and what you throw out.” – Steve Green

“We’re not qualified for this but God is qualified. He equips those that he calls.” – Jackie Green

“There are struggles and challenges and set backs but when you know that you are following where God is directing then it gives you courage to keep going.” – Steve Green

“The mission for Museum of the Bible is to invite all people to engage with the Bible.” – Steve Green

“We just want to point people to be intrigued and to look at the Bible and want to know more about it and to engage with it.” – Jackie Green

“When you understand how this book has impacted our world, the incredible story it tells and the history, it just makes you have such a great appreciation for the book that we all love and cherish.” – Steve Green

Mentioned in the Show:

This Dangerous Book

Museum of the Bible

Steve on ChurchLeaders:

Passion For God’s Word: Interview with Steve Green

The Most Dangerous Book on Your Shelf

If You’re Going to Have an Affair in 2018, It’s Probably This One

Carey Nieuwhof

January 2, 2018

So could you end up having an affair as a leader—even as a well-intentioned Christian leader?

I think the answer is absolutely.

Obviously, some leaders have emotional or sexual affairs with people to whom they are not married. As heartbreaking, future-altering and faith-shattering as those affairs can be, there’s another kind of affair you’re actually far more likely to have.

Here’s my story.

My wife came home one day from a counselling appointment with some news.

We see the same counselor. He knows my story. He knows hers. We’ve even seen him together a good number of times, both in the tough seasons and in the good ones.

As we were debriefing what she learned in her last session, I asked if there was anything else they talked about.

My wife Toni replied, “Are you sure you want to know?”

I told her I did, wincing a little.

“Well, he said that, in his view, you had an affair.”

It was one of those awkward moments, because I know I didn’t have that kind of affair…but my mind started racing. Did he think I had an emotional affair? Again…I couldn’t think of anyone.

So I asked: “What did he mean?”

“He said you had an affair with your work,” Toni told me.

And hearing those words, I knew he was right.

So we talked about it. In both my wife’s view and mine, my affair ended years ago.

And strangely, I’ve been a better husband and have accomplished far more in ministry, both locally and beyond, since it ended than I ever did when work took up most of my time. In fact, since my affair with work ended (for me, it ended in burnout a decade ago), I’ve published three books, launched two podcasts, spoken to thousands of leaders a year and seen our church grow to over double the size it was when I was working more hours. And I’ve spent more time with my family.

So how does that happen?

Well, first you need to understand how you got there. There are at least five reasons Christian leaders end up putting their work first. I outline them below.

But then you have to figure out how to get out of the spin of constant busyness and low productivity that kills both your leadership and your life.

That’s why I created the High Impact Leader Course. The 10-module online course takes everything I’ve learned in the last decade about managing time, energy and priorities to help you get your life and leadership back.

Right now, for a very limited time, enrollment is open for new leaders.

In the meantime, let’s start with how the affair begins. It’s so subtle and innocent, the vast majority of leaders never see it coming.

1. In Ministry, Working More Hours Makes You Feel Like You’re More Faithful

Before entering ministry, I spent a year working as a law student in downtown Toronto. Honestly, it was easy to go home at 4:30.

I hustled hard. I was often in the office at 7 a.m. and I worked my tail off. But I wanted to go home and see my wife and our newborn son. It wasn’t that difficult to draw lines between what I did at work, who I was as a Christian, and my role as a husband and new dad.

I actually worked shorter hours than most lawyers and other law students. Ironically, though, after my year was finished and I was called to the bar, eligible for full practice, they released a colleague of mine who worked 90 hours a week and offered me—who worked less than 50 hours each week—a job. The firm said my year with them was the first time a law student ever made them money.

Clearly, shorter hours does not mean less productivity. Often, it means more.

I wish things stayed that clear when I got into ministry. But it didn’t.

At first, time management was easy because our churches were very small. But then, they started to grow and we merged into one. In fact, within a few years we became the fastest growing church in our denomination as well as one of the largest.

I didn’t know how to lead in such a high growth environment so I did the only thing I knew how to do to keep up: I worked more hours.

In ministry, working more hours felt different than in law. In the church, working more hours can make you feel like you’re being more faithful. After all, it’s for God, right? We were seeing hundreds of people come to Christ and grow in Christ. So working fewer hours felt like faithlessness.

So how did my logic get so messed up? After I burned out, I realized that ministry combines three areas of life that are intensely personal.

Ministry combines your:

Faith.

Work.

Community.

Because of that:

What you do is what you believe.

What you believe is what you do.

Your friends are also the people you serve and lead.

Throw your family into the mix (because they believe what you believe and are friends with the people you/they lead and serve) and bam—it’s even more jumbled

5 Boundaries to Save You from Unhealthy Relationships and Manipulative People

Dave Willis

January 2, 2018

Are you looking for boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people? Check out these five boundaries.

I recently sat down with a young couple who is going through a very serious struggle in their marriage because of someone outside their marriage. You might assume I’m talking about a mistress or an emotional affair, but this has nothing to do with wrongdoing on the part of either spouse. Their struggle has to do with an overbearing parent.

The husband’s mom (and the wife’s mother-in-law) has bombarded the young couple with pressures, demands, emotional pleas, tantrums, threats, bullying, name-calling and a myriad of other unpleasant tactics to get her way and to manipulate the dynamics within the family’s relationships. She seems to see their marriage as a threat to the relationship and influence she once had with her son. See seems to view her daughter-in-law as competition for her son’s attention rather than a beloved new addition to the family.

This young couple seemed exhausted by their dealings with what seems to be a narcissistic and emotionally unstable person. They want to honor and respect her. They want their young daughter to have a relationship with her grandmother. They want peace and no drama, but they also don’t want to be a doormat to her unhealthy demands. Sadly, their struggle is a very common one.

It’s very common for a couple to face an overbearing parent (or parents) in their marriage, but dealing with overbearing and emotionally unhealthy people can happen in all parts of life (work, school, home, etc.). Not if but WHEN you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is bullying, manipulative, unstable or unhealthy in any way, for the sake of your family and your sanity, PLEASE implement the following boundaries.

Five Boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people (in no particular order)...

1. “Teach” manipulative people how to treat you by how you treat them AND by how you allow them to treat you.

Make sure you’re not responding to negativity with negativity. Don’t sink to their level, because you’ll lose. It’s been said that when you wrestle with a pig in the mud, you BOTH get dirty, but the pig likes it! Be kind and respectful even when it’s not returned; not as a reflection of their character but as a reflection of yours. If the difficult person continues to bully, you might need to remove them from your life to protect yourself and your family until they change their toxic behavior. This leads directly into #2.

Communicate THIS over and over to the difficult person.…

2. Let manipulative people know that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on how they are acting.

It can be difficult to tell someone (especially someone older than you like a parent) that their behavior is out-of-bounds. Do this with gentleness and respect but also with a resolute firmness that you can’t compromise on this for the sake of your own family. If this difficult person throws a fit and starts trying to manipulate or sabotage the situation, remind him/her that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on their decisions. You’re outlining the clear boundaries like the concrete median on an interstate; to protect everyone on the road. If they can’t abide by those boundaries, people will get hurt, so their behavior is forfeiting their opportunity for a relationship until (or unless) they make changes. You can’t make them change their behavior, but they can’t make you abide by their unhealthy behaviors. You aren’t removing them from your life, they need to know that they, by their own decisions, are causing the break in the relationship.

#3 might be the most important one on the list if you are married…

3. (For those who are married) Be completely UNIFIED with your spouse in your approach to dealing with this manipulative person.

If there’s an overbearing parent (or anyone else) who is trying to insert themselves into your marital business or to pull you away from your spouse, you and your spouse MUST be unified. You can’t be divided. Behind closed doors you might have disagreements about how to best handle the situation, but especially in public and in your communication with the difficult person you must always be united. If your spouse is the one who is the difficult and unhealthy person, that’s a completely different set of issues and I’d encourage you to start by checking out our program at FightingForMyMarriage.com.

#4 is SO difficult to do but it could change the relationship AND change your own perspective in the process…

4. Don’t treat manipulative people like they treat you. Treat them like God treats you.

God gives us forgiveness, love and grace even when we don’t deserve it, and then calls us to love others like he has loved us. As a Christian, I believe Jesus was the perfect embodiment of grace, love, truth, strength and all that’s good in relationships.

Happiness Is a Current State of Being. Joy Is About the Future

Bob Ditmer

January 2, 2018

The Bible Project creates animated videos that show the Bible as a unified story that leads to Jesus. They also create videos that explain the meaning behind specific Bible words in order to give readers greater understanding into the writers’ intent.

In this video they look at the word “joy.

Today’s culture would interpret that word to mean “happiness.” The Bible does, too, and also uses “joy” to describe beauty, goodness, friendship and a plentiful harvest.

While the words can be synonymous, there is a deeper theological and spiritual understanding behind “joy.”

Happiness typically refers to a current condition. Joy speaks of future destiny.

The producers of the video explain it this way: “Christian joy describes faith and hope in the power of Jesus’ life and love” regardless of your present condition.

Can you be joyful in the midst of pain and suffering? The video points to biblical characters who were. The Israelites roamed the desert for 40 years but Psalm 105:43 tells us “The Lord caused his people to leave with joy, his chosen ones with shouts of joy.”

And Paul, while in prison and awaiting execution, spoke of “joy of faith” and “joy in the Lord” in his letter to the Philippians.

In fact, theologians argue it would have been sinful for Paul and the Israelites not to be joyful in those circumstances. R. C. Sproul in an article titled “The Key to the Christian’s Joy” wrote,

“Based on the biblical teaching, I would go so far as to say that it is the Christian’s duty, his moral obligation, to be joyful. That means that the failure of a Christian to be joyful is a sin, that unhappiness and a lack of joy are, in a certain way, manifestations of the flesh.

The heart of the New Testament concept is this: a person can have biblical joy even when he is mourning, suffering, or undergoing difficult circumstances. This is because the person’s mourning is directed toward one concern, but in that same moment, he possesses a measure of joy.

How is it possible to remain joyful all the time? Paul gives us the key: “Rejoice in the Lord always” (emphasis added). The key to the Christian’s joy is its source, which is the Lord. If Christ is in me and I am in Him, that relationship is not a sometimes experience. The Christian is always in the Lord and the Lord is always in the Christian, and that is always a reason for joy. Even if the Christian cannot rejoice in his circumstances, if he finds himself passing through pain, sorrow, or grief, he still can rejoice in Christ. We rejoice in the Lord, and since He never leaves us or forsakes us, we can rejoice always.”

As you watch this video and learn about the biblical concept of joy, rejoice yourself knowing that it is the Holy Spirit who produces joy, even when you can’t.

If you enjoyed this video from the Bible Project, you’ll like these as well:

Animated Explanation of ‘The Messiah’

Do You Understand the Psalms?

Understanding the Book of Proverbs

The Gospel of the Kingdom

5 Keys to Help Your Small Group Thrive This Year

Mark Howell

January 1, 2018

Building a thriving small group ministry requires a certain mindset. It also requires the development of a very particular set of practices.

You must have both.

You can have the mindset (the worldview, the belief system, the assumptions, the attitudes) alone and not be able to build a thriving small group ministry.

You can have the practices alone and not have what it takes to persevere at building a thriving small group ministry.

What are the practices you must master in order to build a thriving small group ministry?

I believe there are at least five essential practices:

Thriving small group ministries understand the needs and interests of unconnected people.

Building a thriving small group ministry requires a deep understanding of unconnected people. It requires the ability to empathize with a large population who don’t yet have your mindset.

There are people in your congregation (and in your crowd and community) who are predisposed to be connected. They connect without any prompting or suggestion. In fact, they will move toward community even when there is no intentionality on the part of the church.

Unconnected people usually don’t have that predisposition. While there are exceptions (i.e., new to the community, newly divorced or widowed, etc.), most unconnected people often don’t easily respond to standard invitations to connect.

At the same time, unconnected people almost always have interests and needs that will pull them toward community. Practicing empathy and learning to think like unconnected people is an essential skill if you want to build a thriving small group ministry.

Thriving small group ministries streamline the path to connection.

Follow me carefully on this one.

Since building a thriving small group ministry requires connecting a large number of people who lack the motivation to overcome great barriers to connection, if you want to build a thriving small group ministry you must become an expert at making it easy to get connected.

Can you see it?

You must become an expert at making it easy to get connected.

The practice of streamlining the path doesn’t seem to come naturally to everyone, but it is a skill-set that can be developed. Carefully evaluating and diagnosing your church’s first steps out of the auditorium is a beginning. Learning to spot less-than-obvious disconnects is a skill that can be acquired.

The practice of streamlining the path requires both the ability to see disconnects and design (and implement) a better path. Designing a better path may require experimentation and a willingness (and even permission) to fail forward.

Thriving small group ministries prioritize the identification of new leaders and the launch of new groups.

If you want to build a thriving small group ministry, you must learn to prioritize the right things. The tendency of most small group pastors is to prioritize the needs of existing group leaders and the interests of already connected people.

Prioritizing the needs of existing group leaders comes at the expense of connecting beyond the usual suspects.

Better to focus your attention on strategies that identify new leaders and launch new groups (while training your coaches to care for and develop group leaders).

Thriving small group ministries care for and develop leaders via a healthy span of care.

This practice is counterintuitive for many small group pastors. We often come predisposed to believe that our primary role and responsibility is to care for and develop each of the group leaders in our ministry when the truth is, just like Moses (see Exodus 18), our responsibility is to ensure that they are cared for and developed.

It may be that the greatest challenge in building a thriving small group ministry is the persistent and concurrent development of a healthy span of care.

I am often asked, “What should be done first? Prioritize identifying new leaders and launching new groups or build an effective coaching structure to care for the leaders?”

It is always a “snatch the pebbles from my hand, Grasshopper” moment, as the correct answer is, “Both must happen at the same time.”

You cannot build a thriving small group ministry without developing the essential practice of developing a healthy span of care.

Thriving small group ministries invest in leaders (and leaders of leaders).

Investing in leaders (and leaders of leaders) is not a nice extra thing to do when we have time and a budget surplus. It is an essential practice.

How should we invest in them? Providing a healthy span of care is a non-negotiable, but is only the beginning. Training experiences can be helpful. Status recognition meets certain needs. Time and attention, especially from your senior pastor and other senior leaders, is rarely provided but might be the most important investment you can make.

If you want to build a thriving small group ministry, you must develop the practice of investing in leaders (and leaders of leaders).

This article originally appeared here.

How to Incorporate Epiphany in Your Church

Bobby Gilles

January 1, 2018

You know about Christian year seasons like Advent and Lent, but what about Epiphany?

The Christian Year is a tool for preaching the gospel to yourself, your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors and church congregation. And Epiphany is a “manifestation” or “appearance” to celebrate.

The Christian church observes a day of Epiphany to commemorate the revelation of the Christ-child in connection with the visit of the Magi (wise men, “three kings”). Epiphany traditionally occurs on January 6 (at the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas). In practice, many churches celebrate Epiphany on the Sunday closest to this date rather than hold a special service on another day of the week.

What About Churches That Treat Epiphany as a Whole Season in the Christian Liturgical Calendar?

Nothing wrong with that. Whether you have an Epiphany “season” or a single service, this is a time when church pastors and worship planners highlight the revelation of Jesus’ person and his mission during his first Advent. Epiphany worship liturgies teach and celebrate:

the parables of Jesus
the sermons and other illustrations of Jesus
the miracles of Jesus
the prophecies of Jesus

Chronologically, it makes sense to celebrate Epiphany after Christmas and prior to Lent, the period of lament, reflection and confession leading to our need for a sacrifice, and Christ’s perfect satisfaction of that need.

What Kinds of Songs Work Well for Epiphany?

“How Suddenly a Baby Cries” by Keith and Kristyn Getty is not only a solid modern hymn for Advent and Christmas, but Epiphany as well. You can learn about it, read the text and hear their song right here on My Song In The Night.

Kristen and I also recommend “Savior King” from our church Sojourn, written by our friends Joel Gerdis, Dave Moisan and Eddy Morris, adapted from “Hymn 10? by Isaac Watts. This comes from Sojourn Music’s album Over The Grave: The Hymns of Isaac Watts, Volume One.

Songwriters, use Epiphany as an opportunity to broaden the thematic range of your worship songs and modern hymns. Many contemporary praise and worship songwriters dwell on themes such as Common Grace, God’s sovereignty over creation and the singer’s love for Jesus. But fewer writers compose songs that celebrate or reveal Jesus as Messiah. You can do so by using Old Testament prophecies in your songs (as in “Savior King”) or by writing ballads on the life and earthly ministry of Christ. The Gospels provide so much material—explore!

What Bible Verses Work Well in Epiphany Worship Service Liturgical Readings and Home Devotionals?

The Worship Sourcebook recommends these key passages:

And The Worship Sourcebook also has many sample prayers and readings for Epiphany, from the Call To Worship through Communion readings and the Benediction.

No Child Left Unseen

Dema Kohen

January 1, 2018

Four days went by as Fort Lauderdale city parking officers slapped tickets on a parked car before someone took a closer look and noticed the driver still in the vehicle—dead.

Just think about it! Five parking tickets piled up on the vehicle’s windshield over the course of four days before the man was found inside! (The 62-year-old man had passed away from natural causes at least three days before being discovered.) Hard to believe it, right? How in the world did the parking meter attendants not see that someone was at the steering wheel while writing the citations—all five of them?

This outrageous story causes me shake my head in unbelief, but it also compels me to stop and ask—how good am I at noticing people, particularly the children in my classroom?

Do I notice my children?

It’s a very important question, because to be noticed is to be loved.

Invisibility is an epidemic today. It’s widespread, it’s deadly and no one is immune. You don’t need to go far to find proof. Just go to the nearest mall and look at the couples, families or friends in the food court. You’ll see people staring at their screens instead of looking at each other. They’re at the same table, yet in different universes; they are within each other’s reach, yet unseen and unavailable.

Deep in the heart of every human being is the God-ordained desire to be noticed, discovered and fully accepted. The opposite side of this desire is the fear of becoming a nonperson, a shadow, a ghost.

I have a 3-year-old son, and a phrase I hear from him often is this, “Watch THIS, Daddy!”

He’s about to skip over a branch on the ground…”Watch this, Daddy!”

He’s about to strike a powerful superhero pose…”Watch this, Daddy!”

He’s about to draw a picture…”Watch this, Daddy!”

He’s about to jump off the couch…”Watch this, Daddy!”

He’s about to go through a puddle on his tricycle…”Watch this, Daddy!”

What’s behind his plea? A desperate need to be noticed. He needs someone to be an eye-witness to his moments, achievements and adventures.

Watch this, Daddy!

He needs to know that his life matters and that it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Watch this, Daddy!

Plain and simple: A life unnoticed is no life at all.

Your students won’t ever tell you this, but like all human beings, they long to be known. They desperately want to feel that they and their life stories matter. That’s why it’s so important that you take every chance you get to enter into their world and explore it.

I know that most of us see our students only on Sunday or at special events—the two busiest and craziest times in our schedule. This means that if we are not careful, we can fill the heads of our children with knowledge, their tummies with snacks, their hands with crafts and prizes, their time with fun activities, and yet, after all of that, still send them home empty-hearted.

7 Signs the Pharisees Are Running Your Church

Carey Nieuwhof

January 1, 2018

So do you have a Pharisee running your church?

Interesting question.

How would you know?

And perhaps, more appropriately, how would you know if that Pharisee were you?

You could argue that the since the religious leaders nailed Jesus to the cross, there’s no way you would have done that.

But seriously, how would you know? If you really read the Bible—I mean really read it—it’s pretty challenging.

I read stories like Matthew’s calling in Matthew 9 and think, I might have been frustrated by Jesus too. When a person hangs out with hookers, criminals and other morally sketchy people, I’d question him as well. Which, of course, would squarely put me in the company of the Pharisees.

Hence my worry.

How do you know the a Pharisee isn’t running your church?

How do you make sure that Pharisee isn’t you?

I’m Not a Legalistic Pharisee…I’m Just Righteous

In many Christian circles, Pharisee is just a bad label. We throw it at someone we don’t like, we disagree with or generally think should suffer.

But as I pointed out in this piece (The Top 10 Things Pharisees Say Today), the Pharisees are more nuanced than commonly thought to be.

Part of the tension we lose in the dialogue today is that the Pharisees really tried to be righteous. They knew their Bibles as well as anyone. Their devotion was, purportedly, deep.

5 Easy (and Overlooked) Keys to Better Preaching

Erik Raymond

January 1, 2018

I have never met a preacher who did not want to increase the effectiveness of his sermon. The question is where to start?

We often, and rightly so, head over toward the practical application of the Word itself. We spend more time praying, reading, studying, writing and thinking. These are good and right. I encourage all of this. But the focus of this post is a little different. Without discounting these, I want to just highlight a few practical items that I have seen work well in the church where I serve.

I am obviously not John Piper and don’t pretend to be him on Sunday morning, but people at Emmaus Bible Church like my preaching.

I think that some of these practical items below have helped.

1. Make the preaching on Sunday a.m. a big deal.

Don’t Miss

I remember visiting with a seasoned pastor before we started down the church planting road. I asked him for a few top priorities for me in taking on this task. He said, “Make Sunday morning like NFL Game Day.” His point was to make Sunday morning, and in particular the Word preached, to be the highlight of the week.

In short, he was saying to get people to love the Word and the preaching of it. I have endeavored to do this. We are not there but…it is something I am chasing.

2. Encourage (expect) members to do their own sermon prep.

We recently have gone through What Is a Healthy Church Member in our home groups. In that book, Thabiti has a chapter on being an expositional listener. Each group spent time talking about what this means for us as a church and individuals. We have also done several blog posts on the church website discussing the book Expository Listening.

11 Advantages of Having 50 Churches of 100 Instead of 1 Church of 5,000

Karl Vaters

January 1, 2018

How aware are you of the benefits of a small church?

Church planters are some of the great heroes of the faith. Especially when you realize how many church plants fail within the first few years.

But I wonder, how many failed churches might still be alive and well today if we didn’t pressure them to reach numerical goals that most churches, even after decades of existence, fail to achieve?

What would happen if, instead of sending one church planter to start a church, hoping for it to reach (to pick an arbitrary number) 5,000 attendees, we sent out 50 church planters, and resourced them with the tools to grow to 100 on average?

Not that every church will reach 100. Some will be bigger, some will be smaller. But if the expectation was 50 churches of 100, instead of one church of 5,000, how would it change the way we plant, resource and encourage churches?

And what if we applied that same logic to our existing churches?

Benefits of a Small Church

Big churches are great. But they’re very rare. And they’re not the only way to see the kingdom of God move forward.

After all, if 5,000 people come to Christ, why do we care if they attend one big healthy church of 5,000, or 50 small healthy churches of 100? Or even 100 healthy churches of 50?

I know there are church planting organizations that do this. But if your group, denomination or missions organization hasn’t caught this as part of their vision, I encourage you to think about it seriously.

If we made this shift in strategy, here are a few positive changes we might see.

1. Benefits of a small church: We’d have far more successful churches.

Planting one church, hoping for it to grow numerically every year until it reaches mega status, is a fool’s gambit. Not one in 100 reaches mega size. In fact, not one in 10 is likely to ever remain consistently above 100.

But if a bunch of healthy small churches are the goal, rather than one mega-size church, the chances of success rise dramatically.

2. Benefits of a small church: More pastors would get to use their gifts.

The bigger the church gets, the harder it is to find leaders with the gifts, training, temperament, calling and skillset to lead them.

The Best Books of 2018

J.D. Greear

January 1, 2018

Yes, you read that right—2018. It’s popular this time of year for leaders to post lists of the best books they read in 2017. For the record, we love those lists. For avid readers like us, there’s no better gift than a great book recommendation.

But as J.D. and I (Chris) reflected on the books we read this year, we also wanted to reach out to some of our staff and other Summit leaders to hear about their best books of 2017. So we asked around: If you were to recommend a book from your 2017 reading, what would it be? Everyone had to narrow it down to just one—except Pastor J.D., who gets a special exception.

Not every book here is created equal. Some are classics worth savoring (and re-reading); others, while imbalanced, have something timely to say. We’ve read a bunch of these titles already. We’ve put many others in our queue for 2018. And we’d encourage you to do the same. Pick up a few of these and you might just end up finding the best book you’ll read in 2018.

Better yet, ask the leaders in your community for some recommendations to stretch your 2018 mind and enrich your 2018 heart.

Happy reading!
–Chris

Pastor J.D.’s Picks

A Gospel Primer for Christians, Milton Vincent

This book has the most ridiculous and unattractive cover I’ve ever seen, but is one of my favorites. I am reading it again for the third time this year. It may be the best practical application of what it means to keep the gospel at the center that I’ve ever read. I find it works best if you read one small section at a time (only one to two pages) as a devotional supplement. Meditate on the words and don’t read them quickly.

Martin Luther: The Man Who Rediscovered God and Changed the World, Eric Metaxas

I don’t know if this is a fascinating book about an exceptional man, or an exceptional book about a fascinating man. Either way, Metaxas’ Luther may be the most enjoyable and uplifting book I read this year—particularly the first half. I was moved to courage, emboldened in my struggle against Satan, and deepened in the gospel. All the while being delighted and entertained.

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown

This book was passed to me by one of our church planters, and I first got into it with a ‘I know what this is going to say’ kind of attitude—focus on what you do best, eliminate clutter, free yourself from the expectations of others, etc. And his major points were, indeed, what I expected. What I wasn’t expecting was the depth and breadth of application McKeown would give to these points. I left not only with a greater understanding of why focus is essential to an enjoyable and productive life, but how to implement it. I have adopted several new habits directly from it.

The City of God, Augustine

I once asked a famous theologian the most important five books I could read. He said, ‘The City of God and one other.’ This year I went through a course on it on by Professor Mathewes of UVA in ‘Great Courses: Books that Matter.’ I was not disappointed. I couldn’t believe how closely Augustine’s critique of Rome’s idolatry and fall parallels our day. This did more to help me understand the believer’s role in the United States than any book I’ve been through.

Law 1: The harvest is limited to the planting.

Law 2: The harvest comes later than the planting.

Law 3: The harvest is greater than the planting.

Law 4: The harvest is proportional to the planting.

Law 5: We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s.

#1 – Decide what you’re going to accomplish.

#2 – Invite and involve the right people.

#3 – Do your homework.

Nine Everyday Challenges That Are a Great Test of Character

Test of Character 1. What you think when someone takes ‘your’ parking spot

Five criteria for making resolutions you can actually keep:

Key Questions:

Key Quotes:

Steve on ChurchLeaders:

1. In Ministry, Working More Hours Makes You Feel Like You’re More Faithful

Five Boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people (in no particular order)...

1. “Teach” manipulative people how to treat you by how you treat them AND by how you allow them to treat you.

2. Let manipulative people know that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on how they are acting.

3. (For those who are married) Be completely UNIFIED with your spouse in your approach to dealing with this manipulative person.

4. Don’t treat manipulative people like they treat you. Treat them like God treats you.

I believe there are at least five essential practices:

Thriving small group ministries understand the needs and interests of unconnected people.

Thriving small group ministries streamline the path to connection.

Thriving small group ministries prioritize the identification of new leaders and the launch of new groups.

Thriving small group ministries care for and develop leaders via a healthy span of care.

Thriving small group ministries invest in leaders (and leaders of leaders).

What About Churches That Treat Epiphany as a Whole Season in the Christian Liturgical Calendar?

What Kinds of Songs Work Well for Epiphany?

What Bible Verses Work Well in Epiphany Worship Service Liturgical Readings and Home Devotionals?

I’m Not a Legalistic Pharisee…I’m Just Righteous

1. Make the preaching on Sunday a.m. a big deal.

Don’t Miss

2. Encourage (expect) members to do their own sermon prep.

Benefits of a Small Church

1. Benefits of a small church: We’d have far more successful churches.

2. Benefits of a small church: More pastors would get to use their gifts.

Pastor J.D.’s Picks

A Gospel Primer for Christians, Milton Vincent

Martin Luther: The Man Who Rediscovered God and Changed the World, Eric Metaxas

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown

The City of God, Augustine

Challenges

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