Ever wonder if you’re burning out? I know a lot of leaders and people who wonder that.

There’s a fine line between being tired and actually burning out.

The challenge is, once you cross the line, it’s so difficult to get back.

Eleven years ago, I entered into the darkest period of my life. People had always warned me I would burn out. I thought I could prove them wrong. And usually I did. I would get tired—out of balance—but when I saw the edge, I could always pull myself back.

That approach worked just fine until the summer of 2006, when it didn’t.

In that fateful summer 11 years ago, I found the edge, and as I was falling, I knew this time I realized I couldn’t pull myself back.

Although I’m not a person who suffers from depression, I’m sure I would have gone to the doctor and received a diagnosis of clinical depression that summer when I fell off the edge.

Perhaps it wasn’t a stereotypical depression.

I could get out of bed every day, and I did.

As a Christian, I kept praying and reading my Bible. I never lost my faith (I just couldn’t feel it).

People who weren’t that close to me didn’t realize it was happening.

But I knew something inside me had broken, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

My speed decreased to a snail’s pace.

Hope felt like it had died.

My motivation and passion dropped to zero. (Make that zero Kelvin).

Like most people who experience burnout, it felt like a strange land. I had been tired before, but I had never truly been burned out. It was so disorienting I didn’t know what to do.

What terrified me is that I knew many in ministry and life had gone down this road before me and some of them never made it back.

For them, ministry was done. And sometimes, tragically, they were done—hope never fully returned and they didn’t ever become the person they were before.

That was the last thing I wanted to happen to me.

Looking back, the diagnosis is still a little elusive and mysterious.

Who really knows what corrodes the soul to the point where it deflates?

But I’d say the most likely candidate for what derailed me is what I’d call emotional burnout. 

In caring for others I had not adequately cared for my heart or soul, or let others who wanted to care for it do so.

I spiraled down for about three months before I hit bottom.

Then with the love and assistance of a great wife, board, leadership team, close friends, a counselor and a very gracious God, I slowly began to recover.

It took, honestly, a few years to really feel full stride again, but I recovered to 80-90 percent of full strength in the first year. The last 10 percent took two or three more years.

The good new is, there is life after burnout (my next post will be on ways to recover from burnout).

I’m writing this because burnout seems to be an epidemic among leaders and, increasingly, among people in general.

Maybe you’re right on the edge of the cliff right now. Or maybe you’re in free fall.

So how do you know if you’re more than just tired? How do you know if you’re burning out?

Here are 11 things I personally experienced as I burned out.

I hope they can help you see the edge before you careen past it.

1. Your Passion Fades

Everybody struggles with passion from time to time, but burnout moves you into a place of sustained motivation loss.

Think about it, for those of you in leadership or ministry, you used to have a passion for what you did. Passion got you into leadership, and it’s one of the factors that makes both life and leadership wonderful over a long period of time.

But when I burned out, my passion set like the sun.

I knew what I was doing was important (leading a local church), but I couldn’t feel it anymore.

I realized that a passionless leader will never lead a passionate ministry. But I just couldn’t find my passion anymore.

2. Your Main Emotion Is ‘Numbness’—You No Longer Feel the Highs or the Lows

If you’re healthy, you feel things. You experience highs and lows.

When I burned out, I couldn’t feel either properly anymore.

If someone was celebrating the birth of a new child, I couldn’t feel happy. I just felt numb.

If someone was sick or fell into trouble, I couldn’t feel for them either. I just felt numb.

Burnout numbs your heart, and this was actually one of the earliest signs for me that the edge was near.

3. Little Things Make You Disproportionately Angry

It’s not that burned out people feel zero emotion, but I know when I burned out, the emotions I felt were often just wrong.

One early sign I was heading for burnout was that little things started to set me off. Something (like a missed deadline) might be a 3 out of 10 on the problem scale, but I would react like it was an 11. That’s never good.

Treating small things like they are big things is a sign something deeper is wrong.

4. Everybody Drains You 

People are a mixed bag for sure. Some energize you. Some don’t. I get that. On this side of heaven, that’s life.

But when I burned out, I realize nobody energized me anymore. Not even my family, my friends or my leadership team.

In my head I knew they were good people, but my heart couldn’t feel it.

When nobody energizes you, they’re not the problem. You are.

5. You’re Becoming Cynical

Oh, cynicism. It’s hard not to become cynical as you age (here’s why).

But cynicism never finds a home in a healthy heart.

If you find your cynicism is advancing at a rapid rate, it may be a sign you’re burning out.

6. Nothing Satisfies You

One of the hardest aspects of burnout for me was that nothing seemed to satisfy me.

Sleep didn’t. Prayer didn’t. Good people didn’t. Recreation didn’t. Vacation didn’t. Work didn’t. Food didn’t.

That’s a sign of depression, and it’s also a sign you’re burnt out.

7. You Can’t Think Straight

When you’re burning out, your heart messes with your head; you lose the ability to think straight.

I remember having read enough and listened to enough about mid-life crises and burnout to know that people make stupid decisions when they’re burnt out.

My emotions made me think I would always be this bad. That I was a failure. That there was no hope. That I should just quit.

So I had this daily conversation with myself that boiled down to five words: Just don’t do anything stupid. 

For me, that meant not doing three things. I told myself, Carey, don’t:

Quit your job

Have an affair

Buy a sports car

By the grace of God, I did none of the three. The first two are still part of my long term plan, but one day I think it would be fun to have a sports car.

Some days, simply avoiding stupid is a win.

8. Your Productivity Is Dropping

One sign I knew I was in burnout was incredibly low productivity.

I’m usually a fairly productive leader and person (some would say highly productive). But when I fell into burnout, even writing a simple email might take an hour.

I couldn’t think straight. My pace slowed right down, and I felt like there was a cloud between me and everything I was trying to do.

If you’re working long hours but producing little of value, you might be burning out.

9.  You’re Self-Medicating

In the early stages of burnout, many people turn to self-medicating to numb the pain.

Whether that’s overeating, overworking, sexual addictions, drinking, impulsive spending or even drugs, you’ve chosen a path of self-medication over self-care.

I avoided drinking, drugs or sex. My poison was, ironically, more work, which just spirals things downward.

People who are burning out almost always choose self-medication over self-care.

10. You Don’t Laugh Anymore

This is such a small thing that’s actually such a big thing.

If you’re burning out, you don’t laugh a lot. I remember in my recovery laughing out loud one day after listening to something on the radio. It was then that it hit me: It had been months since I had laughed out loud.

When you’re burning out, nothing seems fun or funny, and, at its worst, you begin to resent people who enjoy life.

11. Sleep and Time Off No Longer Refuel You

If you’re just tired, a good night’s sleep or a week or two off will help most healthy people bounce back with fresh energy.

If you’re burning out, sleep and time off no longer refuel you. You could have a month off when you’re burnt out and not feel any difference.

I took three weeks off during my summer of burn out, and I felt worse at the end than when I started. Not being refueled when you take time off is a major warning sign that you’re burning out.

Long-Term Health Is About Sustainable Patterns

Eleven years on the other side of burnout, I’ve never felt better. All 11 signs are gone and have been gone for years.

Do I have bad days? Of course, but they’re days, not life. I’m so thankful!

On the other side of burnout, I developed new rhythms, patterns and approaches to life and leadership that have helped me thrive. They actually helped my productivity soar while working fewer hours. And they’ve given me a new passion for life and leadership.

I’ve taken all my lessons from the decade since burnout and put them into the High Impact Leader Course. The High Impact Leader is all about getting time, energy and priorities working in your favor. It’s about getting your life and leadership back.

The course is open again for a limited time in a few days. Please note…the course will not help you get out of burnout (that’s a separate matter), but it can help you avoid it if you’re showing a few of the signs or help you not fall back into it once you recover.

The High Impact Leader Course is available now. Check out the team edition that includes multiple licenses for your staff, or consider the new premium edition kit which includes a physical workbook and Moleskine® journal.

So Are You More Than Just Tired?

So how do you know if you’re burning out?

Identifying with just a few of these signs might just be a sign that you’re tired.

If you identify with half, you might be close to the edge.

If you identify with most or all, well, you might be in the same place I found myself—burnout.

If you are burnt out, I would encourage you to seek immediate professional help—a medical doctor and a trained Christian counselor. I would also encourage you to talk to a close circle of friends (again, my next post will be on recovery from burnout).

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you and what you’re seeing when it comes to fatigue and burnout.

This article originally appeared here.

I admit it—I have a temper. I’m generally able in God’s grace to control it, and to my knowledge, few people have ever seen it displayed. I know, though, that I’m not the only pastor who deals with this issue. Here are my thoughts about why so many pastors carry this trait:

1. Many of us were saved out of homes where anger was a reality. Whether we like it or not, we who lived in an angry atmosphere often picked up that same characteristic. Our redemption frees us from its bondage but doesn’t always eradicate the tendency.
2. We’re often perfectionists. We don’t want to fail God, our congregation or ourselves. We’re better at offering grace to others than to ourselves—and our response to failure is often defeat and anger.
3. Some of us have no outlet for frustration. That’s neither good nor right, but it’s reality. We sometimes have no true friends with whom we can be transparently honest before anger gets out of control.
4. Some days, it feels like weighty pastoral pressures never end. Some ministry needs are life-and-death. Others affect homes, marriages and generations. When pastoral stress seems non-stop, it’s easy to let little things give rise to anger.
5. Many of us don’t take care of ourselves spiritually. Our time with God is reduced to sermon preparation alone, and prayer is on an “emergency” basis. Consequently, we hardly exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.
6. Many of us don’t take care of ourselves physically. We don’t eat well, exercise well, rest well or vacation well. Tired, out-of-shape, undisciplined leaders are increasingly vulnerable to displays of anger.
7. Some church structures give us permission to be angry. That is, pastors who have little accountability, or who are given reign over their own church kingdom, have few stop signs to expressing anger.
8. Sometimes our role demands righteous anger. It is not ungodly to be angry at the effects of injustice. Church members are sometimes so sinfully rude that anger is a valid response. The difficulty is walking that line without allowing our anger to become sin.
9. Too often, we have private sin that haunts us. Internal sin often displays itself with a short fuse. Actually, increasing anger is one of the signs I watch for when I’m worried about a brother’s private life.
10. We ignore the reality of spiritual warfare. Maybe we talk about it when a friend falls into some obvious sin like adultery or drunkenness or pornography—but not anger. Meanwhile, the devil works in deceived, angry hearts to slaughter pastors, homes and ministries.

What would you add to this list? How might we pray for you if anger is an issue?

This article originally appeared here.

Unforgiveness is the #1 obstacle to the next great move of God in your life, your church and our nation. Almost every person has been affected by unforgiveness in some way or another. Either we have held a grudge or known a relationship hindered by someone who refused to forgive. Churches, friendships and fellowship have been ruptured by wounds, unforgiveness and bitterness.

For many years, I have pastored local churches, and am convinced that the #1 obstacle to the next great move of God in the church and in the nation is the sin of unforgiveness. Nothing has built a taller, deeper and thicker wall in the hearts of people and in the churches of our land.

God Does Forgives Us

Human relationships fractured by unforgiveness are damaging, to be sure. What about our need for God’s forgiveness? Is God forgiving? Can anything be done if we have offended Him?

Thankfully, God has not left us in the dark. Yes, we have offended God, and yes, He will forgive.

The Bible is clear in both the Old and New Testaments that we have sinned against God. Jeremiah laments on behalf of his kinsmen in Israel, “Let us lie down in our shame; let our disgrace cover us. We have sinned against the LORD our God, both we and our fathers, from the time of our youth even to this day. We have not obeyed the voice of the LORD our God.”¹ The Psalmist wrote even more broadly, “The LORD looks down from heaven on the human race to see if there is one who is wise, who seeks after God. All have turned away; all alike have become corrupt. There is no one who does good, not even one.”²

Yet, God forgives us. We are grateful!

How Can God Ever forgive?

We are not let off the hook in the New Testament. “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death spread to all men, because all sinned.”³ Humanity has a problem, and that problem is the sin that separates us from God.

How can God ever forgive? Only through the sacrificial death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. As Peter and John told the religious leaders of their day, “There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to people, and we must be saved by it.”⁴

What about those who have already accepted Christ? Is there forgiveness for the many sins we commit between the time we are saved and the time we leave this earth? Does God forgive the forgiven? Thank God, the answer is yes.

The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”⁵ Those of us who have believed in Christ are forgiven at salvation and forgiven as we are made more and more like Christ. This is one reason we are encouraged to forgive others. We need to experience the ongoing forgiveness of God that restores our fellowship with Him.

Therefore, Forgive Others

Since God so freely and sacrificially forgives us, we should forgive others. Friends, never let anyone outside of your circle of love. Forgiveness is imperative in the life of a Christ follower. Therefore, walk in forgiveness toward others.

Refuse to Let Unforgiveness in the Church

I realize calling upon us to refuse to let unforgiveness in the church is a big request. But if we let unforgiveness abide in the church, we are telling God we do not want Him to intervene in His church. We need to call people to account to one another, even pastors to their people, and the people to the pastor, if any unforgiveness is prevailing.

Call Upon Our Nation to Forgive Each Other

It is very concerning to think how much unforgiveness is prevailing in America presently. It is just wrong. Anger is raging and criticism is never ceasing. We need our nation to live with forgiveness toward one another.

Now is the Time to Lead,

Ronnie W. Floyd

¹ Jeremiah 3:25
² Psalm 14:2-3
³ Romans 5:12
⁴ Acts 4:12
⁵ 1 John 1:9

This article originally appeared here.

In the late 1800s, one of the most efficient ways to clear property for farming or railroad construction was to set small, manageable fires and let them burn through and remove unwanted vegetation in a slow and helpful manner. It was called controlled burning. But on October 8, 1871, a cold front in Eastern Wisconsin blew strong winds through the area and fanned small, helpful flames into a raging inferno. It ferociously chewed through 1.2 million acres in Marinette County, Wisconsin. Homes, even entire villages were completely destroyed. The death toll was placed near 2,500 people.

Fire is like that, isn’t it? When it stays inside the confines and intention for which it was created, it is helpful, and captivating, and extremely powerful. Focused, it can even cut through solid steel. But, when it moves outside those bounds, it leaves pain, destruction and the stench of death in its wake.

Like fire, manhood is not neutral. Men will either warm homes, churches and communities, or they will burn them to the ground. I’ve been involved in pastoral leadership in some capacity for the last 17 years. One of the things I’ve observed over and over again is—Where men understand what God designed a man to be and live that out where they live, work and play, marriages, families, churches and communities thrive. When men step outside the bounds of what the Bible says a man should be, everything around them burns to the ground.

By and large when it comes to manhood, we have a wildfire on our hands. In fact, we live in a culture that is trying to redefine what it even means to be a man altogether. This is why it is critical for churches to have a clearly defined, strategic and intentional ministry to men. And, because every community and every church is different, men’s ministry may take many different shapes. In fact, in many churches, the most healthy strategy may not even be to have a formalized “men’s ministry.” But every healthy church must minister to men.

No matter what size, shape or flavor it takes, I believe ministry to men is born out of four fundamental essentials:

1) Every man needs other godly men.

Men may have hundreds of acquaintances, but very few real friends. Statistics tell us that only around 5 percent of men age 39 and beyond would say they have a real friend besides their wife—that’s a dangerous place to be because the enemy knows that an isolated man is a vulnerable man. God didn’t create us to live life that way.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated, “Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation.”

Think about David. At times in his life when he was connected to Jonathan were times when he was at his best. But, it was during a time of isolation that he fell the hardest.

Churches must be intentional to find ways to connect men to other godly men.

Healthy ministry to men can’t stop there…

2) Every man needs to grow.

In many churches, ministry to men is little more than a pancake breakfast and a wild game dinner. But, there is little if any strategy for building men into reproducing disciples of Jesus. Paul told the Colossians that it was this initiative that he drained every ounce of himself into.

We proclaim Him, warning and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ. I labor for this, striving with His strength that works powerfully in me. —Colossians 1:28-29 (italics mine)

Wise leaders of ministry to men will, like Paul, spend strategic energy to develop an intentional plan for helping men mature in Christ. Whatever means of discipleship a church uses with men, whether groups, classes or mentoring, the truth of Christ must be applied to men over and over again.

3) Every man has a mission.

God has woven into the fabric of the masculine heart a desire to fight for, to charge after, a mission. But, when men don’t know what their mission is, they will disengage from what God has designed them for give themselves to lesser missions—to climbing the corporate ladder, to hobbies, to sexual conquests.

This is what was happening in Corinth. In its day, it was a thriving city but a city filled with the stench of sin and darkness. It was the center of the slave trade in its day. To describe someone who was sexually immoral in that day was to say they were “Corinthianized.” To be a Corinthian man was to give your life over and over to lesser conquests—lesser missions. When the gospel came there, things began to change. But the men were still struggling with that lifestyle, so Paul says to them…

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, certain that God is appealing through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:20

Paul says, we’ve been given a mission. An ambassador is a diplomat sent from one nation to another to accomplish the mission of the sending nation. We are ambassadors sent by the King and placed in a specific context to accomplish the mission of the King on foreign soil. Paul reminds us that God invites men to join Him in His mission of reconciling people to Himself.

Imagine what could happen in our churches when men get this. When our men understand that they’re not really accountants, and teachers, and physicians, but rather that they are agents of the King sent to that specific context on His behalf to infiltrate it with the gospel. The early church got it and it exploded in exponential growth in large part because bold, courageous men empowered by the Holy Spirit gave their lives for the sake of the mission. In the same way, today’s healthy churches have become experts at mobilizing men for ministry in the church and mission in the world.

The ultimate goal of any healthy ministry to men is transformation. As men are connected, discipled and challenged, the Lord does His transforming work.

4) Every man needs transformation.

Unfortunately, one of the most glaring weaknesses I’ve noticed in men’s ministries around the country is that they are loaded with teaching that is more based on legalistic behavior modification than gospel transformation. This is why ministry to men must be more than a program, it must intentionally focused on helping men know Christ more and more. We cannot just drop men onto a religious assembly line—teach them to not drink, not smoke, not swear, and how to throw a little tip in the offering—and then expect to produce disciples who know Christ.

At LifeWay, we’re not interested in helping churches develop religious guys or men who can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and somehow once and for all will themselves to be a better man. We are committed to creating trustworthy Bible study resources and events designed to connect, disciple and challenge men, to be transformed by the power of the gospel invading the darkest places of his heart.

Back to the Peshtigo fire. The reason you likely have not heard of it is because on the exact same day, there was a more prominent and flashier fire: the Great Chicago Fire. The nation turned its attention to the more prominent but less powerful fire. For many years and in many churches we have turned our attention to less flashy flames, when the more powerful fire was smoldering in the background.

Imagine what could happen when we harness the power of that fire and focus it on burning hot for Jesus? Could it be that our homes, marriages, churches and communities might never be the same? Could it be said about our churches like it was said in Acts 17 about the early church, “the men who’ve turned the world upside down have come here.”

This article originally appeared here.