What would make your ministry flourish right now?

You can quickly throw out some answers: Less conflict. More attendees. Better community involvement. More time and margin. More volunteers, generosity, participation, etc.

That’s all true. But I believe another answer lurking below the surface is much more significant and impactful than these answers.

How’s It Going, Really?

My guess is that there are elements of church leadership that are good and elements that aren’t so good.

That’s ministry, I guess.

I’ve served in ministry for some 18 years, 13 years as a lead pastor.

I learned a lot during these seasons. Perhaps most interesting and depressing was how isolating the job can be.

Perhaps this was only my experience (although the data would suggest I’m far from alone), but finding true friends and confidants in ministry was challenging.

Making REAL Friends as a Pastor

Pastoral isolation is a real challenge.

The research and data (from Barna) are painfully clear.

• Many pastors are experiencing increased feelings of loneliness and isolation.
• The depth and quality of a pastor’s relationships often vary significantly. This is particularly true among younger pastors or those newer to their roles.
• From 2015 to 2022, the percentage of pastors receiving personal support from peers or mentors several times a month dropped from 37% to 22%.
• Approximately 65% of pastors do not use any professional mental health services, significantly lower than the average for U.S. adults.
• 43% of pastors cite loneliness and isolation as reasons for considering quitting full-time ministry.

Isolation Plus Stress Equals Burnout

We need relationships to help us process and survive life. This is especially true for pastors and ministry leaders. Not that other leaders don’t need support, but ministry is unique. You and I know it firsthand.

The immense stress of the job, congregational expectations, personal expectations, political divisions, and concerns about how their work affects their families make our job more and more difficult by the day.

Too many ministry leaders walk away from ministry unnecessarily.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. This is equally true for a pastor or ministry leader, yet it is much more challenging to resolve.

Finding Supportive Ministry Relationships

Solutions to pastoral isolation may feel complex. But hang with me.

I know. I’ve been there.

I can still hear my old pastor, Rick Warren, reciting one of his many pieces of wisdom: “Revealing your feelings is the beginning of healing.”

The trouble is, we often don’t know what we’re feeling. So many leaders grew up without being equipped with a vocabulary for expressing deep emotions.

When we can’t identify or express our emotions, we tend to shut them down instead, stuffing them back inside and hoping that they’ll leave us alone in the future.

As Sean Nemecek and Glenn Packiam put it in their excellent book, The Weary Leader’s Guide to Burnout: A Journey from Exhaustion to Wholeness, “Denying one emotion means diminishing access to the others—including the good ones.”

And an inability to access or express authentic emotion usually leads to feelings of burnout and frustration. And burned out, frustrated leaders rarely lead thriving organizations.

It’s no wonder that 71% of employers look for emotional intelligence more than technical skills when hiring new employees.

How can you, as a leader, express what you’re really feeling in a healthy way? Here are a few ideas.

1. Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary.

We often tell children to “use their words” instead of grunting, yelling, or showing physical aggression. Truthfully, this is good advice for adults, too. But we can only use the words we know.

Most of us can muster up a “good,” “bad,” or “fine” when answer questions about how we’re feeling. Sometimes we can even get honest enough to say that we’re “mad” or “sad.” But there can be real power in using descriptive words to give expression to what’s going on inside us.

Words and phrases like agitated, stifled, left out, indifferent, distracted, discouraged, exasperated, numb, etc. give us a way to express our feelings in greater detail.

2. Practice With People Who Love You.

It can be daunting to consider sharing your honest feelings with co-workers and peers, but it’s likely that the people closest to you would love to know how you’re really doing, especially as you express those feelings in a calm way.

3. Lead the Way and Give Others Permission.

As a leader, you must remember that your most significant role in your organization is the creation of a healthy culture. This is more important than your strategy, your structure, or any statement you could write.

Naming your emotions is a way of normalizing the practice for others. You likely know the power of going first when it comes to being creative, taking risks, and taking meaningful action. But what if going first in expressing feelings could create a healthier workplace around you?

Being an influential leader starts with being the best version of you that you can be. To get there, you’re going to need to keep on growing in your emotional intelligence. Start by naming how you’re feeling.

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission. 

Years ago I discovered an idea that immediately jumpstarted the productivity of our team. I had developed a great team who was extraordinary at seeing problems. However, seeing a problem doesn’t fix a problem. So I took the next step and told them, “Don’t come to me with a problem unless you have at least one good solution.”

That did three things:

1) It eliminated anyone who was trying to score points by just pointing out problems. (Face it, you have those folks on your team too.)
2) But it also took the pressure off, because they didn’t have to bring the ultimate solution, just a possible solution.
3) In most cases, their solution either worked, or it kickstarted our thinking and we all came up with a solution.

In 1984, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had this to say about Lord David Young, a member of the House of Lords who advised her Conservative government:

Other peo­ple come to me with their problems, David Young comes with his achieve­ments.

In her mem­oir she re­marked that he “un­der­stood how to make things hap­pen.”

Does your team know how to make things happen? Call the meeting today and make the rule:

No one points out a problem with out offering at least one solution.

See how things change.

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission. 

Have you ever wished you had a better memory to recall the people you’ve met throughout your lifetime? I have often wished I could call up recordings of conversing with people I’ve met at churches, conventions, airports, and many more places. I suspect we will be able to recall conversations and “chance” meetings when we see those people again in Heaven, and instantly bond over what we had once completely or largely forgotten. I think that will be delightful, and we will suddenly understand that we owe this person thoughts and even life directions that we never realized.

It is more obvious to consider those we know we owe much to, such as parents, grandparents, and teachers, and it’s clear that we’ll know and recognize our loved ones and friends in Heaven. But how many people—including people whose names we never knew—said or did something that impacted us profoundly? Perhaps one day we will realize it, and I think we’ll be stunned and amazed how God used that stranger—and perhaps that angel in disguise (Hebrews 13:2)—to encourage, warn, or rebuke us. Or perhaps their words or actions prompted us to explore new directions or go to a particular place where God did a particular thing in us that molded us and shaped us into Christlikeness.

I think this could even extend to animal encounters that we had in this life, and since there are biblical grounds to believe there will be animals on the New Earth, perhaps we will see a dog, a frog, or a hog and remember what we had forgotten, or realize, for the first time ever, what we never knew.

For certain, we won’t be dumber once we get to Heaven; we’ll be smarter, with better memories than ever:

Ephesians 2:6-7 says, “God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace.” The word show means “to reveal.” The phrase in the coming ages clearly indicates this will be a progressive, ongoing revelation, in which we learn more and more about God’s grace. This may well include learning how God was working in our lives in ways we weren’t aware of at the time. And it will all be to His praise and glory.

What joy awaits us in reacquainting ourselves with people, angels, and animals that God brought into our lives for a purpose we never had a clue about!

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission.