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SBC Abuse Reform Task Force Ends Its Work With No Names on Database and No Long-Term Plan

SBC Abuse Reform
Messengers vote during the first day of the Southern Baptist Convention annual meeting at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center in New Orleans on June 13, 2023. (RNS photo/Emily Kask)

(RNS) — A volunteer Southern Baptist task force charged with implementing abuse reforms in the nation’s largest Protestant denomination will end its work next week without a single name published on a database of abusers.

The task force’s report marks the second time a proposed database for abusive pastors has been derailed by denominational apathy, legal worries and a desire to protect donations to the Southern Baptist Convention’s mission programs.

Leaders of the SBC’s Abuse Reform Implementation Task Force say a lack of funding, concerns about insurance and other unnamed difficulties hindered the group’s work.

RELATED: Southern Baptist Ethics Committee Says IVF Is Immoral, Tells Christians To Oppose It

“The process has been more difficult than we could have imagined,” the task force said in a report published Tuesday (June 4). “And in truth, we made less progress than we desired due to the myriad obstacles and challenges we encountered in the course of our work.”

To date, no names appear on the “Ministry Check” website designed to track abusive pastors, despite a mandate from Southern Baptists to create the database. The committee has also found no permanent home or funding for abuse reforms, meaning that two of the task force’s chief tasks remain unfinished.

Because of liability concerns about the database, the task force set up a separate nonprofit to oversee the Ministry Check website. That new nonprofit, known as the Abuse Response Committee, has been unable to publish any names because of objections raised by SBC leaders.

“At present, ARC has secured multiple affordable insurance bids and successfully completed the vetting and legal review of nearly 100 names for inclusion on Ministry Check at our own expense with additional names to be vetted pending the successful launch of the website,” the task force said in its report.

Josh Wester, the North Carolina pastor who chairs the ARITF, said the Abuse Response Committee — whose leaders include four task force members — could independently publish names to Ministry Check in the future but wants to make a good-faith effort to address the Executive Committee’s concerns.

Task force leaders say they raised $75,000 outside of the SBC to vet the initial names of abusers. That list includes names of sexual offenders who were either convicted of abuse in a criminal court or who have had a civil judgment against them.

North Carolina pastor Joshua Wester speaks at a podium during the SBC Executive Committee's meeting in Nashville, Monday, Feb. 19, 2024. (RNS photo/Bob Smietana)

North Carolina pastor Josh Wester, chair of the SBC’s Abuse Reform Implementation Task Force, with fellow members of the task force, speaks at the SBC Executive Committee’s meeting in Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 19, 2024. (RNS photo/Bob Smietana)

“To date, the SBC has contributed zero funding toward the vetting of names for Ministry Check,” according to a footnote in the task force report.

Earlier this year, the SBC’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission designated $250,000 toward abuse reform to be used by the ARITF. Wester hopes those funds will be made available to ARC for the Ministry Check site. The SBC’s two mission boards pledged nearly $4 million to assist churches in responding to abuse but have said none of that money can be given to ARC.

RELATED: Resolutions Committee Releases Preliminary Drafts To Be Considered at SBC Annual Meeting

The lack of progress on reforms has abuse survivor and activist Christa Brown shaking her head.

“Why can’t a billion-dollar organization come up with the resources to do this?” asked Brown, who for years ran a list of convicted Baptist abusers at a website, StopBaptistPredators.org, which aggregated stories about cases of abuse.

Gen Z Needs 3 Things From Us To Find Purpose

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If a person were to say, in my day, that “she ate and left no crumbs,” I would have thought this was referring to finishing a good meal. Popularized on TikTok, teens now use it to describe that someone did something remarkably well.

As a dad to a Generation Z child—”Gen Z” defined as young people born between 1997 and 2012—their terminology often sounds like a foreign language to me. But if you look past the quirky slang and social media trends, you’ll notice that the polling and copious commentary about Gen Z can easily impart a conflicted vision of the generation’s overall happiness and prospects. For instance, one recent Gallup poll indicates that 73% of them say they’re “very” or “somewhat” happy. 

The torrent of Gen Z-centric books, headlines and analysis suggests otherwise: Gen Z is also anxious, depressed, lonesome. They feel economically and institutionally disenfranchised, and are even markedly prone to suicide.

But these two things can both be true at once. That’s because the source of Gen Z’s happiness as they age seems very specific: Namely, their sense of purpose.

Barely over half of Gen Z say they always or often feel their lives have “direction.” And feeling that your life doesn’t have a direction is highly correlated with anxiety, depression or friendlessness among young people, according to the Making Caring Common project of the Harvard Graduate School of Education.

Far be it from me to personally diagnose, once and for all, what ails Gen Z—or to explain why or when they count as “happy.”  The theories about why they suffer, and the debates over how, are many. Most of these are interesting. Some are worth serious consideration.

But addressing the “how” of their lives is much less urgent a project than addressing the “why.” Thankfully, the “why” is something we can help them obtain. 

There are three essential components of lived purpose: a life vision, a community and opportunity. These are also our three most promising opportunities to build a future of real happiness for Gen Z. 

Vision undergirds everything. Our vision helps us orient all of our actions, our relationships, our work and our rest. It makes us resilient. Crucially, it allows us to accept happiness that is less than theoretically perfect.

Yet Gen Z is inundated with unintelligible, unreal images and noise through social media around the clock. They are more isolated in real terms than any previous generation, yet more socially saturated digitally. And few in this relentless froth of online content creators have anything helpful to say about where the world might need or want the talents of the person scrolling through it. 

A life vision isn’t something we can come up with on our own. Gen Z needs real people to tell them just how valuable they are, and just how much real impact they can have on the world.

This is, of course, connected to our second opportunity to bolster Gen Z’s sense of purpose: building community. 

How Long Should You Preach to Students?

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

This is a common question among youth workers, especially within an American culture where attention spans matter. I wonder sometimes if ministries in foreign cultures that are used to longer church services ever have to even ask the question, but that’s perhaps another blog post for another time.

Most youth workers set aside a certain amount of time for their message to make its point, dabbling somewhere in between 10 to 30 minutes. Others might offer that a general rule of thumb is one minute of preaching per the age of your audience (i.e., an audience of 15-year-olds equals a 15 minute message).

—-Click here for additional youth ministry sermon resources.—-

Perhaps another way to consider the question is, “How long should you preach before engaging students another way, and then preaching some more?”

For example, if you watch major TV shows or movies that do this well, they’ll give you a thick scene…then shift it to something completely different…then shift it back to the thick scene…so on. Sometimes the shift is lighter, like in the Passion of the Christ when you’re watching Mary look at Jesus being beaten—and then there is this little mental flashback of them being playful with each other years earlier, or him needing her help as a child—and then we’re back to the heavier stuff.

If you do this well, a “message” can last longer than it would otherwise. The catch is to make sure things complement each other versus distract from each other.

What do you think?

10 Most Common Church Sound Problems

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Sound problems can be caused by anything from architectural defects to misguided equipment operators. Here are some of the most troublesome sound problems that churches struggle with and what can be done about them:

10 Most Common Church Sound Problems

1. Echo, or excessive reverb

This church sound problem can be the result of poor architectural design or timing variations between speakers. Timing problems occur in large rooms in which speakers face each other from different sides of a room. If a church has a long, narrow sanctuary and puts a speaker on the back wall, that speaker should have a slight sound delay. Otherwise, the sound waves from the front speaker will arrive at the back of the sanctuary after the rear speaker releases its waves. It’s easier to place all of the speakers at the front of a room and adjust their volume and position to reach the back row.

Some buildings have flat, reflective surfaces that make sound waves act like bumper cars. For example, if a church holds a potluck dinner in a gymnasium or multipurpose facility with hard surfaces, table conversation will become a muddy hum that gradually increases in volume. A speaker’s voice will bounce around the room. This problem can be remedied by hanging fabric panels, banners or baffles on the walls or from the ceiling.

2. Feedback

Feedback occurs when amplified sound from a speaker or monitor circulates through a microphone and is amplified again, giving off an obnoxious squeal. This kind of sound loop is due to monitor placement as well as microphone technique. If a singer points a microphone directly into a monitor or if there isn’t sufficient distance between the microphone and the monitor, feedback is inevitable. Feedback also happens when a speaker moves around on a platform, pointing the microphone in various directions. For churches with such speakers, several manufacturers offer a feedback controller that eliminates feedback by constantly shifting audio frequency.

3. Inadequate training.

“How can we have sound problems? We have great equipment!” Sound equipment, no matter how costly, won’t perform well if technicians don’t know how to use it. After determining that a person has a solid interest in serving as a sound technician, work with the person until that person is qualified to serve. Invest in training materials such as books, videos and trade publications.

The best sound system can be compromised by a performer. A singer who holds a microphone far from his mouth, for example, forces a technician to turn up the volume on a channel, which could result in feedback. Singers should adjust their microphones according to the volume of their voices. On a high, strong note, the microphone should be moved away from the mouth; on a low, soft note, in closer.

4. Poor communication.

Technicians must explain what they’re doing to performers. For example, a performer might want more reverb in her monitor, but the sound technician knows that singers maintain better pitch quality without hearing reverb in the monitors. The sound technician could mix some reverb into the system and eliminate it in the monitor, but if the singer doesn’t understand what the technician is doing, she will perform with less confidence. The moral for technicians is to be diplomatic. The moral for performers is to trust the technician.

5. Muddy sound.

Inexperienced technicians are often plagued by muddy sound, which is quite often the result of monitor wash. For example, if the worship leader has a monitor on the platform, it is usually pointed at the back wall and away from the congregation. If the monitor is turned up too loud or includes too varied a mix, the sound will bounce off the back wall and collide with other sounds on the way to the congregation. The solution could be as simple as adjusting the volume of the monitor. If a worship team is large enough, it might need multiple monitors. Monitor mixing is an art that requires much practice, however.

Five more sound problems on page two . . .

Marking the True Church

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Understanding the marks of a true church ought to be of supreme importance to every believer. How do we know if any given church may be rightly considered to be a true church or not? For instance, every professing Christian ought to know that the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints is not in anyway whatsoever a true Christian church. It has always been, in every stage, a synagogue of Satan parading a false Christ and false gospel. But what about churches belonging to particular Christian denominations or those that have remained independent? The principles that enable us to answer this question have been systematically developed for us in church history. The Reformation era was a particularly formative movement in the development and articulation of the doctrine of the marks of the church.

During the Reformation era, there was a progressive development of understanding what marks distinguished a true church from a false church. This was, of course, owing to the Reformers efforts to bring reform to the Roman Catholic Church. Rome had emphasized the four attributes of the church, namely, “one, holy, Catholic, and apostolic church.” While the Reformers agreed that those are the attributes or marks of the invisible church (i.e., the whole body of believers throughout all time), they rejected a number of these as being marks of the visible church. For instance, whereas Rome insisted that it was the true church, since we believe that there is only one church, the Reformers emphasized that the unity of all believers belonged to the sphere of the invisible church, but that there would be manifestations of the visible church on earth that were more or less pure according to their fidelity to the marks of the visible church.

As Geerhardus Vos explained,

The marks (notae, γνωρίσματα) refer to the visible church and not, like the attributes, the invisible church. A mark by its nature is something that must fall within the sphere of what is visible. Although the Church, viewed in its entirety, can never disappear from the earth, there is still no guarantee that its individual parts will continue to exist. They can completely degenerate and deteriorate; believers who are still therein can die off so that only apparent members remain. But the presence of true members does not let itself be recognized. We cannot see into the heart of men.

While we must distinguish between the attributes and the marks of the church, we must also remember that these are not antithetical to each other. They merely function in a different manner from one another. When we adopt this distinction, we will better understand the development of the doctrine of the marks of the church in Reformation history.

John Calvin on the Marks

While many of the Reformers were developing a theology of the marks of a true church, John Calvin is often credited with the most wide-reaching influence on the development of our understanding of them. Most scholars will note that Calvin only referred to two marks–namely, the right administration ofg word and sacraments. In the Institutes of the Christian Religion, Calvin explained, “We only contend for the true and legitimate constitution of the Church, which requires not only a communion in the sacraments, which are the signs of a Christian profession, but above all, an agreement in doctrine.” Elsewhere in the Institutes he stated, “Wherever we see the Word of God purely preached and heard, and the sacraments administered according to Christ’s institution, there, it is not to be doubted, a church of God exists [cf. Eph. 2:20].”

Calvin fleshed out his understanding of the operational role of these two marks in the context of the local church. He wrote,

The Church is called ‘the house of God, the pillar and ground of truth.’ For in these words Paul signifies that in order to keep the truth of God from being lost in the world, the Church is its faithful guardian; because it has been the will of God, by the ministry of the Church, to preserve the pure preaching of his word, and to manifest himself as our affectionate Father, while he nourishes us with spiritual food, and provides all things conducive to our salvation.

So strong was Calvin in his belief about these marks that he posited what it means for someone to be apart from these marks. In Institutes 4.1.10, he insisted, “So highly does the Lord esteem the communion of his Church, that he considers everyone as a traitor and apostate from religion, who perversely withdraws himself from any Christian society which preserves the true ministry of the word and sacraments.”

While Calvin referred mostly to the right ministry of the word and sacraments as marks of a true church, he would add church discipline as a mark later in his ministry. In his Ecclesiastical Orders, Calvin explicitly expressed his belief in three marks. He wrote, “There are three things on which the safety of the Church is founded and supported: doctrine, discipline, and the sacraments.” These would become the three marks of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

16th and 17th Confessions

The Reformed Confessions spoke to the issue of the marks of the true church in light of Roman Catholic perversions of the biblical teaching on the nature of the Church. For instance, Westminster Confession of Faith 25.3 and 4 describes the marks of a true, visible church when it states the following:

“Unto this catholic visible Church Christ hath given the ministry, oracles, and ordinances of God, for the gathering and perfecting of the saints, in this life, to the end of the world: and doth by his own presence and Spirit, according to his promise, make them effectual thereunto…and particular Churches, which are members thereof, are more or less pure, according as the doctrine of the Gospel is taught and embraced, ordinances administered, and public worship performed more or less purely in them.” (Westminster Confession of Faith, 25.3-4).

Jesus Is the Light of the World — And so Are We

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It’s been said by many wise fathers to their kids that nothing good happens after midnight. The dark is when people get in trouble; it’s when we tend to lose our inhibitions and caution. That’s because we, as humans, were made to live in the light. If you’ve ever worked the night shift, you know how difficult it is to adjust your internal clock; you have to relearn how to live and even when you do, everything seems opposite of what it should be. That’s because you are going against the natural inclination in you to live and move and work in the light. Jesus told His followers, “I am the light of the world,” (John 8:12) and of course, He was. But why did He choose the light to compare Himself to? A lot of reasons, but maybe the most important involves the purpose of light.

In that day and time, light wasn’t meant to decorate a house; no one had a lamp sitting around because it looked pretty. Light was about utility and work; it existed in a limited supply and it was important that a person made the most of the time they had while the light was still shining.

That’s because in the light, we can truly see, and can know the true nature of what’s before us.

When a lamp is lit in a darkened room, there is immediate clarity there. Without the light, there is mystery, apprehension, and fear; you can’t truly identify where or what anything is. But with light comes revelation—the light reveals the true nature of what is and what is not. It shows you that a chair is not a bed and the monster knocking on the window is really just the rain.

Light reveals. It shows us the truth about what otherwise exists in darkness. That’s exactly what Jesus did.

Jesus exposed a lot of things that had been in the dark for a long time. He shined the light on the hypocrisy of the religious leaders of the day. He refused to accept half-hearted devotion to becoming a true follower of God. He called sin “sin” and He extended love and truth with His whole self.

But Jesus not only called Himself the light of the world; He passed the responsibility of lighting the world to His followers:

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:14-16).

Like Him, His followers are meant to light the world and to light it brightly. The way weary travelers look with hope to the bright and warm city on the hill, so should the world look to Christians as those who tell the truth and welcome them warmly into the kingdom of clarity.

But clarity is not always warm and truth is not always easy. The light brings the truth, but the truth is not always comfortable.

Lessons From the Man at the Pool of Bethesda: How to Wait on God

lessons from the man at the Pool of Bethesda
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Can you learn some lessons from the man at the Pool of Bethesda? Are you in God’s waiting room? Then take comfort in these insights from a veteran youth leader.

Once again, I’m hanging out—rather begrudgingly—in God’s waiting room. Ever been there? It’s the place where answers to prayer seem suspended in the heavens. Where something you thought would take 10 days is still incomplete after 10 years. Where you wonder if hopes you’d labeled as God-given dreams are actually spiritual fantasies caused by too much late-night pizza.

Lessons From the Man at the Pool of Bethesda

While waiting to hear from God, I’m encouraged by biblical saints. Let me share one.

Waiting to be healed?

Remember the man in John 5:1-15 who waited for healing at the Pool of Bethesda? He’d been there 38 years, hoping for the miracle of functioning legs. Don’t let your heart miss this. For 38 years, the man had tried to get into those healing waters! And for 38 years, other people had beaten him to it.

All those years of waiting resulted in disappointment. Thirty-eight years is a long time!

Jesus looked at the crippled man right where he was and said, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk” (verse 8, NIV). In other words, “What you want isn’t in that pool. It’s right where you are!”

As I impatiently thrash around, wanting an immediate answer to my current prayer concern, Jesus reminds me. You can often find what you’re seeking right where you are… If you stand up on the inside and take it.

‘We Stand With Israel’—Dallas Jenkins, ‘The Chosen,’ Says While Accepting K-LOVE Fan Award

Dallas Jenkins The Chosen Jonathan Roumie Elizabeth Tabish K-LOVE Fan Awards
(L-R) Jonathan Roumie, Dallas Jenkins, Elizabeth Tabish at K-LOVE Fan Awards. Photo credit: Jesse Jackson

Dallas Jenkins, creator and director of the “The Chosen,” stood alongside the show’s actors Jonathan Roumie (Jesus) and Elizabeth Tabish (Mary Magdalene) as he told the audience and viewers at the 11th annual K-LOVE Fan Awards that they “stand with and kneel for” Israel.

“We are a Jewish show and it’s a reminder, you know, there are innocent people in this conflict that’s going on in the Middle East right now,” Jenkins said as he accepted the K-LOVE Fan Award for Film Impact.

“We love and pray for all of them,” he added. “But the roots of our faith and the roots of our entire lives were birthed in Israel. And this is a Jewish show. We serve a Jewish Jesus. And so, to the people in Israel, we stand with you and we kneel for you. We love you.”

RELATED: At K-LOVE Fan Awards, Sadie Robertson Huff Encourages This Generation To ‘Be the Light of the World’

When asked backstage what he feels that Christians don’t understand about the heritage of who Jesus is and how foundational that is to Christianity today, Jenkins said that “it’s shocking to me sometimes to go around the world and to recognize that there are people who don’t understand that Jesus was Jewish and that the roots of our faith are in Judaism.”

Jenkins shared that one of the “really beautiful things” that he’s witnessed come from “The Chosen” is that the country of Israel, which Jenkins said, “traditionally [is] a little bit resistant towards a Jesus show,” is being accepting and the show’s popularity is “growing rapidly.”

He believes Israel’s favoritism towards the show is due to the fact “The Chosen” honors the “Jewish prayers, [and] Jewish rituals” and isn’t “saying that Jesus represented a new thing, but that he was honoring his heritage. He was just enhancing and uplifting and fulfilling it.”

For example, Jenkins continued, while in Mary Magdalene’s character “we portray her as someone who left kind of the roots of her faith, and then she acts as an audience proxy, to ask questions and to come back to it.”

RELATED: Dallas Jenkins Gives Streaming Date for ‘The Chosen,’ Season 4, Says Angel Studios Contract Is Terminated

“So the country of Israel and the Jewish people there, even those who are not believers in Jesus, are so appreciative of the fact that we are not denying the Jewishness of Jesus,” Jenkins said. “[But] we are celebrating it and we’re seeing Gentiles all over the world start to do these prayers, and really embrace it.”

‘Forgiveness,’ ‘Healing,’ ‘Scarred,’ and ‘P*ssed’—Kathie Lee Gifford Opens Up About Late Husband’s Affair

Kathie Lee Gifford Frank Gifford Forgiveness Affair
John Mathew Smith & www.celebrity-photos.com from Laurel Maryland, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Emmy Award-winning TV host Kathie Lee Gifford says God helped her forgive and heal after her late husband, Frank, was unfaithful. But the outspoken Christian admits she was “never the same,” saying the infidelity left a “scar” because she views marriage as sacred.

In her latest book—“I Want to Matter: Your Life Is Too Short and Too Precious to Waste”—Gifford, 70, explains that she was determined to keep her family together after Frank, a former NFL athlete and sports commentator, had an affair in 1997. She writes that people still thank her for staying in her marriage, which lasted 29 years, until Frank’s death in 2015.

Kathie Lee Gifford on Keeping Her Family Together

Gifford recently told Fox News Digital that she loved Frank but was “pissed at him…and furious that he would take something as precious as our marriage into a hotel room with somebody. It was so unlike him. And he put his whole family at risk because of it.”

Through prayer and love, Gifford worked to keep her family intact. Someone advised her, “If you can’t forgive your husband, forgive your children’s father.” That approach worked, Gifford said, because Frank was “a beautiful human being.” But after he was unfaithful, Gifford no longer considered her husband “my hero,” adding, “I was never the same.”

RELATED:Kathie Lee Gifford Wants to Spend Her Days ‘Refired, Not Retired’

Society views sex “so casually,” Gifford said, but the betrayal “pretty much did me in for a long time.” Frank’s affair became like a scar, she added. “Maybe the wound’s not there anymore, but the remembrance of it is.”

Gifford credits prayer and Christian counseling with helping her forgive Frank and avoid bitterness. “My whole faith is built on the foundation of forgiveness,” she said. “Jesus died for me for the forgiveness of my sins. We cannot withhold from others what he has freely given to us.”

A specific prayer of Gifford’s—which she admitted seemed “almost impossible”—was that God would give her “a deeper desire” for her husband than ever before. “This was an epic request,” she wrote, because “I was crazy in love with Frank” when they met.

“To my surprise, God answered my prayer and gave me a desire for Frank, unlike anything we had ever experienced,” Gifford wrote. “Every time we made love, it was truly healing for me.”

Kathie Lee Gifford: ‘Trust God To Lead You Through’

Laughter returned to the family’s home, Gifford said, and their two children grew up to be “extraordinary” humans. When Cody and Cassidy eventually learned their father had been unfaithful, Gifford wrote, they knew “an even deeper truth: their parents loved them and each other enough to trust in God’s healing.”

RELATED: ‘Marriages Are Under Attack’—What Kathie Lee Gifford Has Learned About Marriage and God’s Faithfulness

Gifford learned that “no matter how hard things might become, it’s never too late to bring beauty from the ashes.” She also discovered that marriage and “staying in love” takes lots of work. To people undergoing “a season of great difficulty,” Gifford urges them to “trust God to lead you through.”

Katy Perry Posts Edited Version of Harrison Butker Speech for ‘Girls’ and ‘Gays’

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Left: Condé Nast (through Vogue Taiwan), CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons; Right: Screengrab via Instagram / @katyperry

Earlier this week, pop star Katy Perry posted an edited version of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker’s controversial commencement speech. In the edited clip, Butker was made to appear to celebrate “girls,” “graduates,” and “gays.” 

Butker has been the subject of both criticism and praise since the speech, which he gave in May at the commencement ceremony of Benedictine College, a Catholic liberal arts college in Atchison, Kansas. 

During the speech, Butker railed against President Joe Biden, remarking that Biden, a Catholic himself, was “delusional enough to make the sign of the cross during a pro-abortion rally.”

“Bad policies and poor leadership have negatively impacted major life issues—things like abortion, IVF [in vitro fertilization], surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values in media all stem from the pervasiveness of disorder,” Butker said.

RELATED: Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker Has No Regrets, Praises Courage of Daniel

Addressing the women graduates, Butker said, “Many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career.”

“But I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world,” he continued. 

Following the speech, clips of which went viral on social media, many criticized Butker’s remarks, characterizing them as misogynistic. By contrast, a number of conservatives came to Butker’s defense, praising him for championing traditional gender roles. 

Butker’s teammates have also spoken supportively of Butker. Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes said that he has known Butker for seven years and judges him “by the character he shows every single day. And that’s a good person.”

Similarly, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce said that Butker has “treated friends and family that I’ve introduced to him with nothing but respect and kindness, and that’s how he treats everyone. When it comes down to his views and what he said at St. Benedict’s commencement speech, those are his.”

Earlier this week, Katy Perry posted an edited version of Butker’s speech in which clips were cut together to convey a new message in celebration of the beginning of LGBTQ+ Pride Month, which takes place every June.

RELATED: 100,000 Sign Petition Urging Chiefs To Release Harrison Butker Following Controversial Commencement Speech

“Fixed this for my girls, my graduates, and my gays—you can do anything, congratulations and happy pride,” Perry wrote in the caption of the Instagram post

7 Ways a Leader Sets a Bar for Followers

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A leader sets a bar for followers to follow in a number of ways.

If people are trying to follow you as a leader then you have the awesome responsibility of establishing the parameters by which they will be successful in the organization or on the team.

I feel the need in every post like this, Jesus sets the bar for the church. Period. He is our standard. But it would be foolish to ignore the fact God allows people to lead, even in the church. As Christian leaders, we set the bar in our church for many of the things which happen in the church.

A mentor of mine always says, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.” He didn’t make up the saying, but he’s learned in his 70+ years experience how true a statement it is. Are you leading with the idea that you are setting the bar for the people trying to follow your lead?

7 Ways a Leader Sets a Bar

Vision Casting

The vision, even a God-given vision, is primarily communicated by the senior leader. Others will only take it as serious as you do. Keeping it ever before the people primarily is in your hands.

Character

The moral value of the church and staff follows closely behind its senior leadership. Our example is Jesus, and none of us fully live out his standard, but the quality of the church’s character—in every major area of life—will mirror closely to the depth of the leader’s character.

Team Spirit

If the leader isn’t a cheerleader for the team, they’ll seldom be any cheerleaders on the team. Energy and enthusiasm is often directly proportional to the attitude of the leader.

Generosity and Kindness

No church, or organization for that matter, will be more generous or kind than its most senior leadership. There may be individuals who are generous and kind, but as a whole people follow the example of leadership in this area as much or more than any other.

And those characteristics are in such supply these days they stand out went present.

Completing Goals and Objectives

The leader doesn’t complete all the tasks—and shouldn’t—but ultimately the leader sets a bar on whether goals and objectives are met. Complacency prevails where a leader doesn’t set measurable progress as a value and ensure systems are in place to meet them.

Creativity

A leader doesn’t have to be the most creative person—seldom is—but a team will be no more creative than a leader allows. A leader who stifles idea generation puts a lid on creativity and eventually curtails growth and change.

Pace

The speed of change and the speed of work on a team is set by a leader. If the leader moves too slow—so moves the team. If a leader moves too fast—the team will do likewise.

Those trying to follow a leader will seldom outperform a bar their leader sets for them. Consequently, and why this is so important a discussion, an organization will normally cease to grow beyond the bar of the leader.

Be careful leader of the bars you set for those trying to follow.

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission. 

Southern Baptist Ethics Committee Says IVF Is Immoral, Tells Christians To Oppose It

Brent Leatherwood ERLC SBC IVF
Brent Leatherwood speaks during the Southern Baptist Convention annual meeting in Anaheim, California, on Wednesday, June 15, 2022. (RNS photo/Justin L. Stewart)

(RNS) — The chief ethicist for the nation’s largest Protestant denomination wants the federal government to clamp down on in-vitro fertilization, saying it causes harm to children and their mothers.

Many infertile couples who undergo IVF treatment are unaware of the moral danger it poses, Brent Leatherwood, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, wrote in a letter to the U.S. Senate last week.

“We urge legislators to develop and implement a system of federal oversight that protects and informs women and ensures embryos are treated with care, even as we oppose the general practice of IVF,” Leatherwood wrote.

RELATED: For Infertile Couples, the Fate of Frozen Embryos Is Deeply Personal

Earlier this year, the Alabama Supreme Court made national headlines with a ruling that frozen embryos created during IVF were protected by the state’s wrongful death law. The state’s chief justice went even further, saying in a concurring opinion that “embryos cannot be wrongfully destroyed without incurring the wrath of a holy God, who views the destruction of His image as an affront to Himself.”

That ruling, in a case where embryos were destroyed in a freak accident, shut down Alabama’s fertility clinics, leading Kay Ivey, the state’s Southern Baptist governor, to quickly sign a new law protecting clinics by limiting their liability.

“I am pleased to sign this important, short-term measure into law so that couples in Alabama hoping and praying to be parents can grow their families through IVF,” Ivey said at the time.

During the IVF process, doctors often fertilize more eggs than can be implanted at one time. The excess embryos are vitrified — a freezing process that turns them glass-like — and stored in liquid nitrogen for future IVF attempts. By some estimates, more than a million embryos are currently frozen in storage.

RELATED: ‘You Are a Viper’—ERLC’s Brent Leatherwood Blasts Leaker of Alleged School Shooter Manifesto

While conservative Christian groups like the SBC have long opposed abortion, saying life begins at conception, they’ve been largely quiet about IVF itself. Any criticism of the process has been limited to concerns about the fate of frozen embryos created during IVF, especially if those leftover embryos were used for research or discarded.

That’s in part because of what Dena Davis, an emerita professor of religion at Lehigh University who taught bioethics, calls the “IVF problem.”

Unlike abortion, which is intended to end a pregnancy, the goal of IVF is for more children to be born — something religious people generally approve of, Davis told Religion News Service in an interview earlier this year.

“That is at the heart of conservative religious understanding of how the world works,” she said. “You get married, you have kids.”

Davis also suspects abortion foes are more likely to know someone who needs help conceiving and are likely more empathetic with someone using IVF than they are with someone who chooses abortion.

RELATED: Parents, Including ERLC President Brent Leatherwood, Fight To Keep Writings of Nashville School Shooter Sealed

Southern Baptists passed a series of resolutions, starting in 1999, opposing the use of embryos for research, genetic editing of embryos, cloning or other technology that would involve destroying embryos — for the same reasons Southern Baptists oppose abortion, believing life has already begun in the frozen embryo stage.

While Southern Baptists have raised ethical concerns about IVF in the past, the denomination’s leaders have not opposed the practice.

Resolutions Committee Releases Preliminary Drafts To Be Considered at SBC Annual Meeting

SBC Annual Meeting
Photo courtesy of Baptist Press

INDIANAPOLIS (BP) – The resolutions to be presented at the 2024 SBC Annual Meeting are available in a preliminary form. This marks the earliest release date in recent history.

Committee chair Kristen Ferguson is thankful for the prayer support the group has received.

“Working from the Word of God as our inerrant authority and the Baptist Faith and Message as our confession, these resolutions represent what we believe to be Southern Baptist resolve on emerging and urgent topics of our day,” she told Baptist Press.

The resolutions include issues such as evangelism, abortion, reproductive technologies, parenting, religious liberty, war, integrity in leadership and the usage of non-disclosure agreements. The full text of all 10 resolutions can be downloaded here.

This year marked the beginning of a new process to give messengers more time to review resolutions.

“With this being the first time for the new resolutions procedure, I want to commend Kristen Ferguson and the rest of the committee for being flexible and accommodating as we worked through the new timeframe for resolution creation,” said Jonathan Howe, SBC Executive Committee vice president for communications.

“Meeting around a holiday weekend weeks before the annual meeting to pray over, edit and draft resolutions took a great deal of dedication and sacrifice on their part.”

The resolutions window was open April 1 and closed on May 22. The committee met last week in Oklahoma City to work through the submitted resolutions.

“Oklahoma City also proved to be a great location for the committee to meet in a cost-effective manner that didn’t burden those traveling in,” Howe said.

The bylaw change approved by messengers at last year’s annual meeting requires preliminary resolutions be published no later than 10 days prior to the annual meeting with a final report appearing in the daily bulletin on the first day of the meeting. Messengers gather in Indianapolis this year on June 11.

“Our committee was united in prayer and in the crafting of these resolutions, and we submit them to Southern Baptists for discussion, consideration, and adoption at our annual meeting,” Ferguson said.

Individual resolutions are available at the links below:

The resolutions are also available in the annual meeting app.

More than two dozen resolutions were submitted to the committee for consideration. Resolutions which were submitted and not brought forward by the committee will be noted in the disposition report published in the Daily Bulletin on June 11.

This article originally appeared at Baptist Press.

Catholic Women Remain Hopeful in the Synod Despite Challenges

Catholic Women Synod
Participants of the 16th General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops attend a daily session with Pope Francis, not shown, in the Paul VI Hall at the Vatican, Oct. 16, 2023. (AP Photo/Domenico Stinellis)

VATICAN CITY (RNS) — A study by an international association of Catholic women’s organizations has found that a strong majority of women who attended last fall’s meeting of the Synod on Synodality in Rome felt their concerns were heard at the gathering, but they also believe they are already being sidelined as the next meeting of the synod approaches.

The study, which surveyed more than 459 women involved at different levels of the synod, found that 43% felt their voices were “usually listened to,” and another 24% said they felt they were always heard. A total of 69% of women said that they were “effectively involved in the decision-making process” during the synod.

The survey was conducted by the World Women’s Observatory, a project of the World Union of Catholic Women’s Organizations, which aims to elevate women’s status in society and in the church. The results of the study were sent to the Vatican for analysis and presented at a press conference on May 30.

RELATED: Catholic Women Working To Change the Church Take Inspiration From Female Saints

The Synod on Synodality, called in 2021 by Pope Francis, invited Catholics around the world to gather in parishes and dioceses to talk openly about the issues facing the church. Bishops later discussed the results of those consultations at the national and continental level, setting the agenda for the synod meeting in Rome last October. Among the most commonly cited concerns were female leadership and LGBTQ+ inclusion.

The synod also saw unprecedented inclusion of women, who were allowed to attend the summit in Rome in October 2023. Such synod meetings are historically open only to bishops.

Despite the efforts to include women’s voices, however, 67% of women who participated in the WWO study said they “encountered obstacles during the process.”

Synod on Synodality logo. (Courtesy image)

Synod on Synodality logo. (Courtesy image)

The study found that “the Synod is marking a path of greater listening to women and the creation of new spaces within the Church where they are participating in decision-making,” but that many respondents underlined the importance that women be allowed to vote during the second meeting of the synod in October 2024.

“As the process progresses, fewer and fewer women are involved and in leadership positions in the Church, so their voice may be lost,” wrote one respondent from North America in the report.

Women were allowed to vote on the final report of the first synod session in 2023, “a decision that is still hard to swallow for some in the church,” said the Rev. Giacomo Costa, who works for the Vatican’s synod office that coordinated the process, at the press conference.

“I think it’s very limiting to reduce participation to being able to vote,” Costa said, adding that, while the ability to vote is highly prized in Western societies, “women have offered a contribution that is much more worthwhile than just simply pressing a button at the end of a process, which ultimately has a consulting function. In the end, the pope will decide.”

Costa said that women who acted as facilitators of the synod discussions were crucial in writing the report that came out of the first synod meeting, in which the discussions were summarized. He urged Catholics not to “become polarized, men against women.”

The Key Ingredient To Being Strong and Courageous

strong and courageous
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I think we all know courage when we see it:

  • It’s the first responder running toward when everyone else is running away.

  • It’s the kid on the playground standing up for the other kid who is being bullied.

  • It’s the soldier willing to sacrifice himself in order to save another.

Yes, we know it when we see it. And we can even somewhat define it, at least in part. In our attempts to do so, we might say that courage is akin to bravery. Or that it’s the decision to press on despite the potential consequences of doing so. Or that it’s the willingness to embrace personal cost for someone or something else. Or that it’s internal fortitude, grit, or resolve. And all of those things would be right.

But here’s another question: how is courage learned? Or grown? Or developed? Is it through opportunity? Discipline? Faith? The list could go on, but there is one essential ingredient for courage that must be named, at least for the Christian.

And ironically, it’s also the one ingredient that can most easily be overlooked: God’s Word.

God’s Word is an essential ingredient for courage. Christian courage. And it can also be overlooked if we think of courage only as an internal quality or relegate it to the level of risk-taking. By way of example, consider Joshua:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

This is actually the third time in that chapter that God has told Joshua the same thing – to be strong and courageous, so it’s clear that this is important to God. He very much wants Joshua to be strong and courageous, and that ought to make us wonder why. What reason did Joshua have to need to be so strong and courageous? After all, he had led troops in battle. He had seen the glory of God with Moses. He had spied out the land and come back to urge others to courageously to go in and take the land. And yet here, despite his pedigree and experiences, all of which tell us that he IS strong and courageous, we find God telling him over and over again to be strong and courageous.

The answer to why is found in verse 2: “Moses my servant is dead.”

Moses the deliverer after 400 years of slavery. Moses who God had used to perform all the signs and wonders and even part the Red Sea. Moses who had been given the law. Moses who had stood between the nation and their God. And now Joshua—those are some big shoes to fill. Can you imagine the pressure?

True enough, Joshua had been prepared for this moment. He had been groomed over the years to take over the reigns of leadership. But then he watched the people around him die, one by one, over 40 years of wandering in the desert, until only he and Caleb remained of the originals. And so here he finally stood, the one in leadership, at the edge of the land God had been promising to His people for generations. Suddenly it’s no wonder that God was telling him to be strong and courageous:

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

There is evidently a direct correlation between strength and courage and the Word of God. Look at how Joshua is meant to treat God’s Word. He is supposed to read it. To talk about it. To meditate on it. To obey it in its entirety. In other words, Joshua is to become to intimately familiar with God’s Word that everything he thinks, feels, and does is filtered through that Word. And if he does that, then he will be strong and courageous. Now why might that be?

8 Ways to Reach Single Adults Through Your Church

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Pam and I were older when we married, so we both spent many years as a single adult. Consequently, we’re sensitive to reaching single adults through our churches. Perhaps one of these suggestions will help you as you reach this group in your community:

  1. Know the demographics of your ministry area. If you don’t know the general number of single adults in your community, you need to check the demographics. You can’t reach people you don’t know are there.
  2. Recognize differences among singles. An 18-year old unmarried single is different than a 30-year old divorcee – who’s also different from a 65-year old widower. All are technically “single,” but their life stages and needs are different. An unfocused single adult ministry won’t likely reach all of them.
  3. Affirm the goodness of singleness. Jesus was single. Paul was likely single. In fact, the apostle recognized the value of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. While the call to singleness is likely for the few, the Scriptures nevertheless affirm this calling. Too few church leaders, though, help us recognize the same.
  4. Be careful not to promote only “couples” as the right pattern for living. For example, a “Couples 1” small group signals that single adults may not be welcome, even if that’s not the case. Likewise, if “family” in your church means only couples with children, you might miss a number of people in your congregation.
  5. Teach on biblical marriage. Everyone—including single adults—needs to hear the biblical perspective of marriage. I appreciate Tim Keller’s words here: “single people cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced, informed view of marriage. If they do not have that, they will either over-desire or under-desire marriage, and either of those ways of thinking will distort their lives.”[i]
  6. Use single adult role models in sermon and teaching illustrations. Consider Lottie Moon, the missionary. Or John Stott the pastor. Or Corrie Ten Boom of The Hiding Place fame. Or faithful, godly singles you’ve known. You affirm singleness when you tell these stories.
  7. Enlist singles to serve in leadership positions in your church. They have much to offer. Allow them to use their giftedness and maximize their availability to serve the Lord as leaders. Your congregation will be stronger because you did so.
  8. Strengthen your ministry to college students. I’ve already noted the danger of pigeonholing singles into one stage of life, but I emphasize this group for one reason: many churches neglect this group. Reach out to your congregation’s collegians wherever they attend school. If there’s a university near your church, seek ways to be an influence of that campus.

If you’re a single adult, what would you add? If your church is reaching singles, how are you doing it?

——

[i]Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (pp. 219-220). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

This article originally appeared here.

How to Achieve Great Sound in a Small Church

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Achieving great sound in a small church is impossible, right? I mean, you have practically no budget and no one around with preexisting sound tech skills.

I might have agreed with this common belief at one time…but I have proved it to be wrong. The truth is, you can achieve great sound at a small church—and it may not be as hard as you think.

How to Achieve Great Sound in a Small Church

Don’t use what you don’t understand.

Thanks to affordable digital mixing, you now have tons of tech at your fingertips. The things you can do with the Behringer X32 were just a fantasy a few years ago. You’d need racks and racks of analog equipment to have these same capabilities!

However, in most cases, this new tech has not improved our sound. In fact, it might be worse. Church sound techs all over the world feel an obligation to use all of the features without fully understanding what they do.

Some of the best advice I can give you is to stop using the things you don’t understand. Instead, turn it off if possible or set it back to its default state. Even if you do understand it, don’t use it just because it’s available. Only use it to solve a problem.

Become a master of the basics.

As humans, we tend to want everyone to think we have it all together. So, we fail to spend time really learning the basics because it’s something “we already know.” But more times than not, we are missing the most important piece of the puzzle.

First, let me offer some relief. I don’t have it all together (and nobody does for that matter). When you don’t know something, there is no reason to pretend that you do. We are all in the same predicament.

With that said, the biggest cause of bad church sound is a misunderstanding of the basics. To fix this, make sure you have a good understanding of the following:

  1. Get the sound right at the source (tuned drums, microphone placement, great cables, etc.).
  2. Set the gain properly. Learn all about gain in this post.
  3. Employ a few simple EQ techniques. The most important EQ techniques can be found in this post.

Step up to the plate.

Simply put, bad church sound boils down to one thing: No one is stepping up to the plate. Maybe the sound tech is set in their ways and not willing to learn new things. Or, the worship leader is frustrated with it all and therefore ignores what is going on.

Regardless of what is going on, it can be fixed. Dedicate yourself to improving things one at a time. I did not achieve great church sound in one week, but over years of learning and trying new things.

I’d love to speed up this process for you. To keep up with new content as it is released, be sure to subscribe to the email list using the form below (we won’t send you spam).

Podcast Interview With Pro Church Tools

For more on the subject of great sound in a small church, check out my podcast interview with Brady Schearer over at Pro Church Tools. You’ll love it!

 

This article on great sound in a small church originally appeared here and is used by permission.

Thriving Small Groups: Top 10 Things You Need to Know

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Want to build thriving small groups in your church? It won’t be easy. It will require a commitment to the long haul, major determination, a willingness to commit resources, disappoint the guardians of the status quo, and much, much more.

But…if you believe that unconnected people are always one tough thing away from never being at your church again, if you want to connect far beyond the usual suspects (and even beyond your average weekend adult worship attendance)…there is no alternative. A commitment to building a thriving small group ministry is a non-negotiable.

Top 10 Things You Need to Know to Build a Thriving Small Group Ministry

The end in mind.

Do you have a sense of what it will look like when you have built a thriving small group ministry? The clearer your sense of what it will be like, even what it will feel like, the better your chances are of arriving there.

When you have clarity about the end in mind, you will be able to recognize the paths that do not go there.

Describing in vivid detail a picture of the preferred future is essential. Make no compromise and take no shortcut. As the Cheshire Cat said to Alice, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

The real and awful truth about the present.

Knowing the end in mind is essential, but without knowing the real truth, the awful truth, about where you are right now, designing the path that leads from here to there will be an elusive dream.

Brutal honesty about the here and now is essential. And while the gritty details about the current state of your small group ministry include quantitative things like the actual number of groups and active members in them, they also include qualitative things like whether your group leaders are really making disciples and whether life-change is actually happening.

What you will call a win.

According to Peter Drucker, very few things are as important as determining what you will call success. Andy Stanley calls clarifying the win one of the 7 Practices of Effective Ministry.

Student Evangelism: 3 Lies About Teenagers Spreading the Gospel

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Student evangelism is one of the most exciting parts of being a youth leader who lives out a Gospel Advancing Ministry. When teenagers put their faith in Christ for the first time, the Spirit of God excites and refreshes them. He has washed them of their sin and marked them as a child of God for all eternity.

New believers tend to be enthusiastic about their faith. They’re ready to evangelize with anyone who comes across their path. But sometimes lies about student evangelism squelch this fire. The lies say teens are too young, too inexperienced, and don’t know enough about their faith. But to model gospel advancement, youth leaders must equip and encourage all students—no matter how young—to take up THE Cause.

Youth leaders and teens: Never believe the following three lies about student evangelism.

3 Myths About Student Evangelism

Myth #1. Teenagers are too busy to make disciples.

“Sports, clubs, homework, youth group, hangouts, work… My students are too busy to make disciples.” How often have you heard parents say this? Often a parent looks at their teenager’s schedule and gives them a pass on fulfilling THE Cause. This can be hard to navigate. After all, you don’t want to discredit a teen’s full schedule. But you also don’t want them to put their evangelism efforts or faith growth on the back burner.

Carefully help teens (and parents) see the priority of living a gospel-centered life. That means living and worshiping God in everything you do. Check out our Youth Group 2 Go lesson that addresses this topic here.

Help students and parents understand that living on mission means using whatever resources and talents God has given you to advance the gospel. For example, if a student is an athlete or involved with debate team, encourage them to reach their team with the love of Jesus. They can start conversations and pray for fellow teammates. They can share the gospel through active, relational evangelism.

When students realize they’re never too busy to share God’s love? Then they’ll understand there’s a deeper purpose behind their God-given talents and interests.

Myth #2. Kids don’t know enough about Christianity.

The church’s mission has always been to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19). But sometimes we get so caught up in training students with discipleship materials that we never get around to evangelism. Discipling students involves more than just taking them through a 12-week guide or a six-week foundations class. Nothing is wrong with offering solid, biblical training. But we must stay focused on the why behind it.

Social Media Rules for Married Couples: 5 Ways to Protect a Relationship

social media rules for married couples
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Social media rules for married couples are a must. This applies to Christian parents, church workers, Sunday school volunteers, and more. So share this must-have information with your children’s ministry staff, congregational leaders, kidmin volunteers, and parents.

We’ve all heard the stories. Sadly, many are true… A husband leaves his wife and kids because he rekindled an old fling through Facebook. Or a wife innocently responds to a message from an old boyfriend, leading to much more than she intended.

Oh, and let’s not forget the many couples who sit and eat together…but a million miles apart. Both set their affections on the glowing screen in front of them rather than on each other. They’re drifting far apart and don’t even know it.

It’s terribly easy for us to say we’d never allow that to happen to us. But I’m sure the people it happens to thought the same thing…prior to it happening to them.

It’s vitally important to have texting and social media rules for married couples. Not only will that lead to a better marriage. Spouses will also avoid potentially devastating dangers from Satan’s toolbox.

5 Social Media Rules for Married Couples

I encourage you and your spouse to get on the same page about the following issues. By setting social media boundaries, you take a proactive approach to safeguarding your relationship.

1. Obvious and open accounts.

If you’re on social media, there’s no room for a lack of clarity regarding your marriage. Clearly identify that you’re married and unashamed of it. Allow each other full access to passwords and all accounts. No hidden apps or accounts allowed!

Trying to hide the fact you’re married or in a serious relationship is a huge red flag. It’s like taking off your wedding ring to give someone a false impression you’re available.

2. No “casual” encounters with previous or new opposite-sex relationships. 

Protecting your marriage deserves top priority. That requires clear boundaries. Former VP Mike Pence came under fire for a marital rule he follows. He won’t eat alone with any woman other than his wife. That’s not absurd, as some would have us believe. It’s a wise practice for any married person who chooses to draw lines of protection in their marriage.

One look at another person can turn into two and inadvertently snowball. So can an “innocent” run-in with an old fling via social media. It’s happened to many good people, so don’t think you’re above becoming a statistic.

Which is worse: potentially hurting the feelings of someone who’s not even in your life anymore? Or potentially opening a door that could cause untold devastation to your most important relationship? Don’t be afraid to draw a line with social media rules for married couples. Then stick to them!

3. Avoid confrontation or conflict via text.

Texting is the king of miscommunication. Thankfully, emojis now help a little bit. But they certainly don’t solve this massive problem. If you have to fight, do it in person. If you need to share your feelings, do it so feelings can be seen, verbally expressed, and fully understood. Agree not to fight or argue via text.

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