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How to End Your Small Group

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I hate to break it to you, but your small group is going to end. Every small group, even the very best, is going to close someday. Jesus is no longer meeting in person here with his 12 disciples, and you are not going to do life indefinitely with the wonderful people in your current group.

How do you end your small group? How do you celebrate the cool things that God did in it? How do you bring closure?

My wife, Vicki, and I just closed our small group last night. I will tell you how we did it, and maybe you can glean ideas for how to best end your group when the time comes.

  1. Eat. We started our time together last night with a meal. Jesus also had a “last supper” in the final official meeting of his group before his death. Do a cookout. Go out to eat together at your favorite restaurant. Or, call a potluck. Families eat together, and you should definitely share food at this crucial point in your journey.
  2. Remember and celebrate what God has done. Usually, at a final meeting I ask people, “What is one way that God worked in your life through this group?” Last night, I asked a different question: “What is one thing that God has taught you or done in your life in the last year?” It was encouraging and instructive to hear the deep ways that God is teaching and changing each person to be more like Jesus.
  3. Share communion. Jesus instituted communion at his last meeting, saying, “Do this in remembrance of me.” Small group is all about celebrating and experiencing Jesus together and communion is perfect for this. Last night we had communion and recalled and thanked Jesus for his incredible sacrifice for us, his total forgiveness and his amazing love. (Unfortunately, I hadn’t planned well, and we didn’t have any grape juice on hand. All we had was V8 and cranberry juice. Vicki pointed out that when you read, “This is my blood shed for you,” that V8 has the wrong consistency. We went with the cranberry juice. It worked just fine.)
  4. Worship. We enjoyed an extended time of worship, just recalling and resting in God’s goodness.
  5. Minister. Our goal was that every person present would get upbuilding prayer and ministry, but we didn’t really plan it out; we hoped that it would just flow out of the worship. So after worshipping, we just sat in silence and listened. Then one person said, “I have an impression that someone has a decision to make and we should pray with them about that.” After some more silence, someone spoke up and said, “There is a decision I am struggling with. It’s not a big decision, but it’s a decision I am perplexed by and I don’t know what to do.” So we prayed for wisdom and clarity for them. Then one by one, everyone in turn shared a decision they were facing that they wanted prayer for. Everyone received prayer. Allow ample time for Holy Spirit-led ministry in your final meeting.

This is just one way to end a group. Maybe you want to make your last meeting more of a party and break out games or do a bonfire. There are lots of ways to bring healthy closure to a group; and this is what worked for us. I hope that by sharing how we closed our group, you will take courage to plan a good closure for your group when the time eventually comes.

However you do it, be encouraged. Jesus did cool things in your group! I know it, even though I wasn’t there, because I know he was there, and that is what he does. Maybe he changed lives deeply, maybe new leaders emerged, maybe some new people came to Christ, probably he taught and shaped you as a leader more into his character. Whatever he did, it will continue into the future, because he loves you and your members and he has awesome plans for each of you.

Your last meeting is a time to celebrate Jesus, what he has done and what he will continue to do. What ideas do you have about how to best end a small group? Share them in the comments below.

This article originally appeared here.

The Big Problem With Family Ministry

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As a children’s ministry leader, you have no doubt heard the call to return to the early church’s model of “family ministry.” Keep families together! Equip parents to disciple their children! However, the family ministry conversation does not go very far before the big problem is raised. It goes something like this: “The family discipleship model is great for Christian kids with Christian parents, but what about all the unsaved kids who don’t have Christian parents to disciple them?” This question is of the utmost urgency and importance.

A Dangerous Assumption

First, we need to address the assumption in the question. The assumption is that our modern age-segregated, church building-based model is radically effective in reaching unsaved children from unsaved homes. Is this really true? Has this been your experience? How many 25-year-olds do you have in your church who came to Christ 15 years ago through your children’s ministry? The truth is that our modern programming is generally ineffective at reaching unsaved children. But because we grew up with this model, and were trained with this model, we can’t imagine anything else.

I once gathered together my team of 10 paid youth ministry staff and asked them a question, “Can you give me the names of students who have come to Christ in this last year?” I didn’t want names of students who checked a box on a card. I didn’t want names of students who were “on fire for Christ” for a month and disappeared. I wanted the names of students who were lost, in families that were lost, and who were now converted, walking with Christ and meaningfully connected with the church.

The response? At first…silence. Everyone was racking their brains trying to think of a student who was a new believer. This was in the context of five hundred active students from 7th-12th grades. This was in the context of a ministry dedicated to outreach and evangelism. We were blowing the doors off! Many events were standing room only. Yet, we were struggling to come up with specific students who we knew had been converted. After more thought, we identified five students who we believed were new converts. Five out of 500!

While God uses fallen people and flawed methods (thank you, Lord) to advance His Kingdom, we should not be at all satisfied with the evangelistic effectiveness of our current ministry model.

I set out to interview these five new believers. What happened to them? What was their story? How did God take them from darkness to light? Many of their answers would not surprise you. God brought them a Christian friend. They attended a couple of church events. They heard some portions of Scripture. But there was a common thread. Each of these five (and I realize this was not a Barna study) not only had a Christian friend, but they were meaningfully involved in their Christian friend’s family life. They went on trips with them. They frequently were over for meals. They could walk in the front door without knocking, because they were so welcome in that home. They saw love, forgiveness, grace, joy and the gospel in action.

5 Church Growth Hacks That Most Churches Ignore but Shouldn’t

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Healthy things grow and multiply. It’s a fact in the natural world, but it’s also a fact when it comes to churches. Many church leaders want their churches to grow but they feel stuck. In fact, your church may have plateaued or be in decline while you seek to understand what other churches are doing to grow.

In my book UNREASONABLE CHURCHES, I explore the fact that 94 percent of churches are losing ground against the growth of the communities they serve. I believe it’s more important than ever for us to study the churches that buck that trend and find transferable lessons for all of our churches. Every week on the unSeminary Podcast, we talk to the leaders on the inside of some of the fastest-growing churches in the country and dive deep into what they are learning. Many of the churches are listed on Outreach Magazine‘s “100 Fastest-Growing Churches in America”…the definitive guide to the churches we should be looking at.

I’ve pulled together five growth hacks from the last few years of lessons from these churches. Your church should think about the following if you want to reach more people in your community:

1) Aggressively Engage People Into Community

Contrary to the popular notion that large and fast-growing churches are shallow and lack community, they are actually obsessed with plugging people into smaller sub-communities. These churches understand that the way a church scales to reach lots of people is by ensuring they have a quality small group experience. The path to growing large is getting small.

As an example, Layne Schranz from Church of the Highlands talks about the “free market” approach to small groups. His church worked hard to create a system that quickly connects everyone to a group.

  • Connect people in relationships. Most people would look at Church of the Highlands and think that 31,000 is a massive number of people to get plugged in beyond weekend services. Layne explains that they work very hard to connect people in relationships outside of Sunday because that is where real life change happens. The beauty of the system that Church of the Highlands developed for their small groups is that it’s effective (they have more people coming to small groups than the weekend services!), completely scalable and can be used by other churches—whether they have an attendance of 80, 800 or 8000.
  • Ask your members to turn their lives into ministry. Human beings naturally group, Layne points out, within work and all areas of life. It makes sense to use small groups in ministry as well. But don’t ask your members to stop their lives to join a small group; instead, help them strategically turn their lives into ministry using small groups. Church of the Highlands uses what they call a “free market” system for groups, where they allow small groups to reflect people’s passions and interests. For example, people who have a passion for working with the elderly can use that focus to minister in nursing homes. Let your members determine what their group looks like and when and where they meet instead of dictating what you think it should be.
  • Spiritually identify and move one step. The overriding expectation of every small group at Church of the Highlands is that the leader spiritually identifies every member. In other words, where is that person with God? As Layne says, a small group may have someone who has come to church all their life but doesn’t have a relationship with God, as well as a seasoned believer. Once the small group leader has spiritually identified where each person is at the moment, their task is to help the people in their group to take one step. That looks different for each person—it could be making a decision for Christ or encouraging someone to start serving at church or leading their own group.

Fast-growing churches work to move people into groups because they understand that people who are engaged in these communities are more deeply committed to the church. In turn, they invite people and push the mission of the church forward.

2) Build Growth-Oriented Teams

It’s the teamwork that makes the dream work. At the core of all fast-growing churches is a solid team that pushes the mission forward. Typically, these are “staff-led” churches where the team is filled with competent specialists in a wide variety of ministry areas. Rather than a collection of “jack-of-all-trades,” these staff teams have subject-matter experts that apply their competence toward the mission.

Bob Smith from 2|42 Community Church talked about church team dynamics that help fuel growth in a podcast episode earlier this year. Here are a few lessons we pulled from our conversation with Bob:

  • Think like a new church plant. As Bob says, one of the ways 2|42 Community Church keeps things simple is to think like a new church plant and value people on the edges of their ministry. With about 50 percent of their attendees being spiritually curious but having no real relationship with God yet, 2|42 is laser-focused on the mission to reach the lost rather than engage people’s personal preferences. They keep asking themselves, “What does it look like to start a new church and reach people who are far from God, rather than expanding an already established church by transferring people?”
  • Have a church-wide focus. 2|42 is a staff-led church. They have a team of leaders who guard the mission and keep things running in the direction where the church wants to focus. But the lead team is focused church-wide rather than on individual campuses. This means that everyone works together to ensure the success of the entire church and no one on the lead team has a stake in just one campus.
  • Find new ways to grow in an entrepreneurial spirit. Bob reminds us that it’s easy to keep up an entrepreneurial spirit with a new project. People get excited about starting a new church or a new mission project and will give their time and money. But that spirit wears off so you need to find new ways to grow and revive that excitement. While 2|42 Community Church is centrally controlled and its campuses operate more as “company stores” than franchises, they realize future growth requires them to create systems that empower campuses to think more like entrepreneurs. Campuses need to come up with their own ideas while still maintaining and distributing high-quality centralized content. Part of that is establishing goals at the central level and then allowing ministries and campuses the liberty of figuring out how to execute on them. This helps keep everyone engaged, builds excitement and encourages leadership.
  • Think about cultural fit. When adding new people to your staff or volunteer teams, Bob says that we need to think about “cultural fit”—more well-known as “chemistry.” Determine how the person fits, not only into the overall staff but into the department they’ll be joining. Also, consider what sort of entrepreneurial skills they have. What kind of a problem-solver and self-starter are they?

3) Defer to the Next Generation

One of the universal truths across fast-growing churches of any “flavor” is that they all have a robust ministry to the next generation. They all work actively to pass the message along to the upcoming generation of believers. Fast-growing churches never stop asking what they can do to reach younger people. In fact, one of the signs of a plateauing church is its average age creeping up with every year. Finding ways to defer to the next generation is critically important.

Chad Fisher from Rock City Church talked through the factors in leading a millennial mega-church earlier this year and I love so much about what he had to offer. His church is a living example of successfully reaching out to a demographic that many churches struggle with.

  • Engage young people while also pulling in older generations. Chad believes that it’s harder for older churches to engage young people. Younger pastors and leaders have an advantage when drawing in young people and really reaching them, while also bringing in the older generations. One way to do this is to reach out to the older generations by asking for advice and using them as teachers and guides to the younger generations. This requires an intentional focus.
  • Use creativity and branding to reach the young. Rock City Church recently did a survey asking young people what it is at the church that they believe reaches their generation the best. The most common responses had to do with creativity and branding—things that don’t seem very spiritual but which can have a big impact. Young people are bombarded daily with graphics, videos and music from companies marketing their brands. Churches can use these same techniques to reach out to young people. It’s something they can relate to and part of the world they know.
  • Embrace simplicity and generosity. The two things that Chad believes define Rock City Church’s appeal to younger generations are simplicity and generosity. The message is simple. The worship experience is simple, without a lot of stage props and flash. The service is simple, focused on the message of Jesus Christ. Young people are looking for simple truths, a clear explanation of what it means to follow Jesus and exactly what the Word of God says. On the subject of generosity, Rock City has a program called One For One, in which they set aside $1 in honor of each person who walks through the door. They then use that money to bless others. The heart of God is generous—He generously gave His Son to us to save us. Churches should demonstrate that generosity to others and model the heart of Christ through giving.
  • Avoid disconnect. Chad thinks that a lot of churches lose people by having too many videos, announcements and other things that disconnect or distract the audience from the simple message of Christ. Let people hear the Word of God and what it means without too many distractions. Invite them to join ministry teams or small groups and they can then live out the teachings of Jesus through their work.

4) Help People Constantly Take Next Steps

Why do people connect with your church? People find “value” in a church when they grow there. If they aren’t being challenged and taking new steps, they just won’t plug in. Growing churches present clear and obvious next steps for people to develop their faith. They focus on “next steps” constantly as they interact with people regardless of where they are at in their spiritual journey.

Earlier this year, Ryan Britt of Church of Eleven22 talked about next steps in a young church with explosive growth and I found it an enlightening conversation.

  • Move beyond a goal of growth. How did the Church of Eleven22 connect so many people and gain 6,000 attendees in just three years? Ryan says that growth was never the goal. The Church of Eleven22 has never done outside marketing or sent mailers out to advertise themselves. Instead, their growth came from word of mouth, with hundreds of first-time visitors coming each month. As Ryan says, “That foundation of people being missional and inviting their neighbors is key to assimilation.” Once they get to church, visitors already have a relationship and the beginnings of connection.
  • Assimilate and grow through next steps rather than a formula. Church of Eleven22 is located in an old Walmart. It doesn’t do light shows or anything fancy to draw in people. Ryan says that it really is an encounter with God that the church gives them through His Word that keeps people coming back. Church of Eleven22 doesn’t preach a formula that people need to follow but instead they preach verse by verse with steps connected to each other.
  • Work together to move people along the journey. The Church of Eleven22 is all about helping people take their next steps. In the example of baptism, getting baptized is not the end of the journey, it’s just another step along the way in your relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s very easy for the baptism committee to be focused only on baptism, but forget to remind people that this is only one piece of the overall puzzle. Ministry leaders need to work together to help others remember to take their next steps even if that “next step” isn’t in the area they manage.
  • Use response cards for assimilation at services. Church of Eleven22 uses their response cards each Sunday as a way for people to take next steps. Prior to the message, one of the pastors will talk through announcements and remind people to fill out the response cards as the Lord leads them during the service. Response cards contain a place for prayer requests, but also ways to take a next step, such as becoming members, giving their hearts to Jesus or learning about serving or giving opportunities. There is always a focus on “How will you respond?” that encourages people to do what God is calling them to do at that moment.

5) Seek to Learn (and Network) With Other Church Leaders

This is probably the most “meta” of all the ideas in this list. The fact is that growing churches are led by growing leaders. These churches are all led by leaders who network and learn from other church leaders. Rather than waiting until these lessons end up in books or as talks at conferences, they reach out to other growing churches to explore what they can apply.

Listen in as Darin Poli from River Valley Church talks about networking with other leaders to accelerate your ministry. He gives some clear lessons and examples on how learning from other leaders helps his team grow!

  • Find similar people around the country and network with them. In order to work with excellence as an executive pastor in a growing church, Darin challenges his own personal growth. He does this by networking with other people in similar positions around the country to learn from their experiences and share ideas. This type of networking doesn’t mean just following their blogs or social media, but actually communicating with these individuals, getting to know them and building relationships. Darin calls these people peers in position but not peers in influence. This means that there may be an executive pastor who has been in a similar position for much longer or someone who works with more campuses than Darin does. Learning from those connections is a huge part of Darin’s growth in his role and he models that for the staff at River Valley as well.
  • Chase people. When asked how he finds these people to create strong network connections, Darin’s answer is that he chases them. “I believe you gotta chase people,” he says with a laugh. He doesn’t just have his assistant send one email to try to make a connection. Darin tries to get into their world personally. He’ll attend their conferences and speak with them face-to-face, asking them to have coffee with him. This helps Darin determine if there’s a true relational chemistry. Sometimes the timing isn’t right and that’s okay. If he wants someone in his life, he believes the responsibility is on him to chase them and pursue that connection.
  • Ask a clarity question. There is a fine line between chasing someone and harassing them, so it’s important to tread that line carefully. Darin makes a couple of connections with the person and then asks what he calls the clarity question: “Do you have time for another network connection in your life?” Most people want to know what the other person expects from the connections they make. It’s important to let that other person know that you want someone to share ideas and experiences, but it has to be something you both want. Let the person know if you want to talk on the phone a few times or trade emails. Make it clear that there is no pressure and that you will accept it if they say no or if it isn’t a good time at the moment.

Who are you learning from these days?

I’d love to hear which churches you are learning from at the moment! unSeminary is always on the hunt for churches and church leaders who are doing something unique in their community to reach people.

Leave a comment below with your suggestions for churches that we should be talking with regarding what’s happening in their neck of the woods!

How to Handle Betrayal and Rejection

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Betrayal hurts. Whether it’s from a spouse, a parent, a child or a BFF, when someone is disloyal and lets you down, you feel it. Deeply.

“Et tu, Brute?” is a Latin phrase meaning “You, too, Brutus?” and supposedly these were the last words of the Roman dictator Julius Caesar to his friend Marcus Brutus at the moment of his assassination.

You may not die at the hand of your betrayer, but something inside of you hurts so badly you might wish you were dead.

I told my wife about 35 years ago that I was done with our marriage and wanted a divorce. That betrayal wounded her deeply.

In a moment of intense anger, my dad once told me never to call him “Father” again. That rejection sent me into a tailspin of grief and despair.

Over the years, some good friends (at least I had thought they were good friends) who were involved in my church have betrayed my friendship, and they left cursing my name on their way out.

Like I said, betrayal hurts. It rips your heart out of your chest, stomps on it and then casts you aside like trash set out at the curb for pickup.

You’ve probably already dialed up a painful memory in which someone said or did something to crush your spirit. We’ve all been there at some point.

Tragically, traits like faithfulness, loyalty and steadfastness are not as common as they once were in our culture. Some have suggested there is a “narcissism epidemic” in our country, and that too many people today belong to the “Me, Me, Me Generation.”

When it’s all about me, then my commitment to any relationship is subject to my emotions and my wishes at any given moment. Turning my back on others isn’t that big of a deal when I’m the center of my world.

Obviously, this self-centered view creates a climate in which it’s pretty easy to screw somebody and betray them without a second thought. If it’s best for me, and it helps and satisfies me, then why not?

OK, betrayal happens (thanks for throwing that pain in my face again, Bubna). So how should we handle it when it does?

Here are four things I suggest you consider (none of which are easy, btw):

  1. Die gracefully

Whether you’re dealing with the dissolution of a marriage or the death of a friendship, it’s always better to take the relational high road in the aftermath of betrayal. You can kick, scream and bite with a vengeance, or you can entrust your life and soul to the One who understands. Don’t forget, Jesus was scorned, rejected and betrayed on a regular basis. He understands, and He’s there for you in the midst of your pain.

To choose to die gracefully is not to deny the reality of your situation or your broken heart. It is, however, to say, “Jesus, help me to die to myself as You did and to forgive as you forgave even from the cross.”

Death of our supposed right for vengeance never comes easy, but remember, with God in the mix, death is never the end of the story either.

  1. Learn abundantly

In my experience, when there’s an issue and conflict between two parties, one person is rarely to blame for everything that happened. Nobody is that perfect to be wrong all of the time.

Years ago, a very good friend accused me of something I did not do. I was livid! I ranted and raved for days building a case for my defense and attacking his character in the process.

Then the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “What will you learn in your pain?” Of course, my immediate thought was, I’m going to learn how to hurt that guy! Again, came the gentle prodding of the Spirit. “Kurt, don’t make this about how right you are; make it about personal and spiritual growth.”

A wise man or woman will ask, “What can I learn from this betrayal and this experience?”

  1. Forgive profusely

I’ll be frank; it’s easy to talk about forgiveness but extremely difficult to practice it. In fact, maybe you’ve noticed it’s waaayyyy easier to hold on to a grudge and to be bitter than to release someone from our judgment.

Our human nature demands vindication. We want revenge. We don’t typically drift to forgiveness. We fast track to payback!

Certainly, sometimes it’s necessary to correct someone’s action against us. And the unjust offender may, in fact, suffer some natural consequences for their injustice toward us.

But walking in unforgiveness is not an option for a Christ-follower. We forgive because we’ve been forgiven. We forgive to set the other person free of our judgment but mostly to set ourselves free from the bondage of unforgiveness. As Lewis Smedes once said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

  1. Love lavishly

I’ve taught the value of unconditional love for decades. On a regular basis, I circle back to this issue in my blogs, books and messages.

Why? Because God’s love for us has absolutely nothing to do with our performance, and He calls us to love as we are loved.

When betrayed. Love.

When wounded. Love.

When falsely accused and rejected. Love.

When a BFF becomes a WPE (worst possible enemy). Love.

When everything in you wants to scream and curse and take somebody out. Love.

It may not change your situation. It may not affect your circumstances. And I can promise you it won’t be easy. But love nonetheless.

Love because it changes you. Love lavishly because the alternative is never good. Love because you are loved.

When your “Brutus” sticks his knife in your back, choose by the grace of God to say, “Ego quos amo, perducat vos, Brute!” (meaning I love and forgive you!).

Choose well. Live well. Be well.

How to Cope With Unexpected Change

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When we are insecure, our first reaction to change is almost always negative. We resist change. This can be particularly true of veterans with a military past who have moved away, moved around, seen hard and difficult things, and then returned home again.

Resisting change seldom works because change is inevitable. It’s going to happen whether we like it or not. You can’t stop growth. You can’t stop change. Sometimes we resent it. And sometimes we just ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist and we resent it.

The older we get, the more we want security, and anything that shakes our comfortable nest threatens us. We don’t like that. We don’t like things to be unpredictable. We don’t like things to change. We want to know exactly where it’s going. We want everything to be programmed, right in place. If anything comes up that is a surprise, we resent it, because it gives us that feeling of uncertainty. So we complain and criticize and we gripe and we grumble.

Change always produces stress. Even positive changes. Negative things like an illness or death, divorce, getting fired from your job or uprooting your family to move to a new location cause stress. But even positive change causes stress: a wedding, a baby, a graduation, a promotion, a personal achievement. Any kind of change—positive or negative—can cause stress in your life.

We might begin to wonder, is there anything permanent in life? Yes, there is. Hebrews 13:8 says, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

While everything else is changing, he remains changeless. All that Jesus Christ was yesterday that we read about in the Bible, he is today. And all that he is today, he will be tomorrow. And Jesus Christ is already in your future. God is not limited by time. He’s past, present and future. When you get in the future, he’s going to already be there. That’s comforting because I know whatever change I go through, he’s going to be there ahead of me.

You will never fear the future if you’ll remember and focus on three unchangeable facts about Christ, about God. If you’ll build your life on these three things, you’ll have no problem coping with change. You’ll have no problem dealing with the fear of the future. These things are unchanging. They never change. They’re immovable. They cannot be shaken.

1. God’s love for you will never change.

Jeremiah 31:3 says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. It is permanent, so you can build your life on it. God’s love for you will never change. When the winds of change are blowing everything away and everything’s being uprooted, we need little rocks that we can hold onto. The love of God is the first rock you hold onto when change comes.

2. God’s Word will never change.

God’s Word is the same yesterday, today and forever. So you build your life on God’s Word. Psalm 1:19 says, Forever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.

The fact of the matter is, the Bible, God’s Word, has stood the test of time. It has managed to stay, in spite of all the cultural changes and all the differences, for thousands of years. And it’s still relevant. It has been attacked by dictators, ridiculed by critics, burned and outlawed. But it’s outlasted all those people. It is permanent.

3. God’s ultimate purpose will never, never change.

He has a plan. He is working it out. The fact of the matter is that God is at work in human history. He has an ultimate plan for the history of man. Success is discovering what God made me for—God’s plan for my life—and getting right in the center of it—living in harmony with God’s plan, which never changes, and God’s Word, which never changes, and God’s plan, which never changes.

You cannot control your future, but you can put your trust in the things that are certain.

What the Slow Death of Retail Can Tell Us About the Future Church

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As you may have noticed, malls are not what they used to be. Retail as we’ve known it is slowly dying before our eyes.

As some major news outlets (themselves in transition) have outlined, malls are closing, formerly dominant chains are in decline and flagship stores are changing.

All of this has implications for how we accomplish our mission as a church. While the dust hasn’t settled by any means, only leaders with their heads in the sand would ignore what’s happening in front of our eyes.

Wise church leaders change their approach to not just preserve the mission of the church, but to advance it.

My Recent Frustration

I recently wanted to pick up a garment bag for travel purposes. I thought that rather than wait for shipping, I’d drop in and support my local mall, which at this point I only visit a handful of times a year.

The mall I chose is the premiere mall in our region. The mall has over half a million square feet of retail space.

You’d think I would have had a good experience and walked out with a garment bag.

Only three stores carried luggage. And among those three stores, there were quite literally three garment bags.

Think about that. Half a million square feet. Three options, which took 60 minutes to find as I walked from one end of the mall to the other and store to store.

In two out of those three stores, the staff were nowhere to be found (I was told by one person I chased down that it was not her department).

They kicked me out of one store five minutes before closing. The staff was clearly more interested in getting home than making a sale.

Guess what I did?

Ordered one from Amazon instead.

And people wonder why retail is dying.

The point is not to vent my frustration, but to think through the implications for the church of the massive cultural shift from physical retail to online retail that our culture is experiencing.

Here are five things the church can learn from the slow death of retail as we know it.

1. Inconvenience Has to Be Overcome by Reward

The inconvenience of retail has to be overcome by the reward of the experience.

Think about it, to attend anything physically you need to:

Budget anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours of time

Drive there

Ensure you have enough fuel to get there and back (how many times do you end up filling up your car?)

Find a parking space

Initiate your own personal search for the object you want

Manually sort out pricing, brands and options

Track down sales people to help you

Pay for your purchase

Haul it home

When I got home, I literally did 10 minutes of searching on Amazon without leaving my couch and bought my bag. It’s being delivered to my door.

Bottom Line

If retail is going to survive, inconvenience has to be overcome by reward.

Implication for Church Leaders

The reward of attending your church has to overcome the inconvenience of attending it.

If you make people battle traffic and busy schedules to attend a sub-par, impersonal experience at your church, people won’t bother.

The Victim’s Victory

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Imagery is a powerful force when it’s the only source of information. As a child, I perceived Jesus Christ as a weak victim of bullies who were stronger than Him. Without any biblical influences in my life, my knowledge was limited to creepy Catholic pictures in the house of my best friend, and stained-glass windows on the local Anglican church. In my mind, Jesus was nothing more than an unfortunate victim and a personal reminder of what happens to kind people in a mean world.

When The Passion of the Christ hit the screen, it certainly devastated any remaining notions of Jesus being a wimp. Nonetheless it still reinforced the victim motif over His life. While it was effective in assaulting my senses with the unbelievable physical brutality of Christ’s crucifixion, it was almost impossible to leave the cinema without feeling sorry for Jesus, the victim of such an evil conspiracy.

But is that how we should think of Christ’s death? While He suffered excruciating physical pain and spiritual separation from the Father, was He actually anyone’s victim?

Herod, Pontius Pilate and the Sanhedrin worked together to arrest, condemn and crucify Christ. But Scripture is clear that the Lord’s death was not a result of their scheme:

For truly in this city there were gathered together against Your holy servant Jesus, whom You anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever Your hand and Your purpose predestined to occur. (Acts 4.27–28″ data-version=”nasb95″>Acts 4:27–28 emphasis added)

Christ was not the victim of a Jewish and Roman conspiracy. The purpose of His life was the promise of His death. He was born to die in our place, fulfilling His role as the only acceptable sacrifice for our sins.

And as Lord of all creation, He had authority over every detail of His arrest, trial and death.

Christ Was in Charge of His Arrest

Judas managed to blend in among the rest of the disciples, but Jesus knew all along who he really was (John 6:70–71).

In the hours before Christ’s arrest, in the intimacy of the upper room, Jesus washed Judas’ feet along with the rest of His disciples’, even though He knew what was in Judas’ heart (John 13:11).

Once Christ and His disciples had finished celebrating the Passover, Jesus went to His usual place to pray: “And He came out and proceeded as was His custom to the Mount of Olives; and the disciples also followed Him” (Luke 22:39).

Even in the moment of His arrest, Christ was undaunted: “Then Jesus, knowing all that would happen to him, came forward and said to them, ‘Whom do you seek?’” (John 18.4″ data-version=”esv”>John 18:4 ESV, emphasis added). There was no reason to run or hide—this was the fulfillment of His plan.

Judas and his co-conspirators never operated outside of Christ’s sovereign authority. From the moment Jesus welcomed him into His ministry, to Judas’ kiss of betrayal, Christ’s authority was always on display.

Russell Moore Explains Why Christians Should Fight for the Liberties of Other Religions

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As Christians, we sometimes fall prey to the mindset of seeing evangelism as a competition with other religions. Under this mindset, it would make sense for us to stand back as other religions’ liberties are taken away. But, as Russell Moore succinctly explains in the following video, we actually have an obligation to fight for the religious freedoms of others because we believe the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In fact, if we don’t stand up for the freedoms of our neighbors, we won’t be able to evangelize them. “You cannot share the gospel with someone you’re trying to run out of town with a court zoning order,” Moore explains.

Moore points out that sometimes we operate under the assumption that “America is a uniformly Christian country.” Under this assumption, we might feel justified in allowing the government to operate with Christian principles.

People coming to know Jesus as Lord and Savior cannot be forced by the government. When that happens, Moore warns, you create fake Christians instead of genuine converts.

There is another danger inherent in giving the government power in the area of religious expression. “Once you give Caesar the power of the sword to coerce the conscience in terms of religious matters, that sword is going to be turned on you,” Moore says.

Paula White Calls Criticism Over Theology and Life Choices ‘Patently False’

Paula White
Screengrab Youtube @NowThis Impact

Donald Trump selected televangelist Paula White to lead the prayer at his inauguration on January 20, 2017. Since the announcement, White received an overwhelming amount of criticism based on her personal life and doctrine, and she’s remained quiet until now.

The Washington Post published two opinion pieces on White and her role in the inauguration proceedings. One article calls White a “prosperity preacher” and the other deals with her theological penchant for a blend of Pentecostalism and Word of Faith teachings.

Other evangelicals like Eric Erickson have voiced their concerns over Trump’s decision to have White at the inauguration due to her unorthodox beliefs. Erickson goes so far as to say he would rather have a Hindu lead a prayer in White’s place.

White has been called a heretic, apostate, adulterer, charlatan and even an addict.

Speaking with Faithwire, White says she chose to address the accusations because she feels they are a distraction from Trump’s inauguration. White calls statements that she once filed for bankruptcy, denies the Trinity and that she only preaches on prosperity “patently false.”

“First of all, I believe and have always believed in the exclusivity and divinity of Jesus Christ, his saving grace and substitutionary atonement made available to all by his death on the cross,” White said.

White says she also rejects “any theology that doesn’t affirm or acknowledge the entirety of scriptural teaching about God’s presence and blessing in suffering as much as in times of prosperity.”

When it comes to her personal life, White admits her decisions haven’t been perfect, but she believes the accusations about her don’t reflect reality.

White is not the only spiritual leader involved in the inauguration. So far, the Trump administration has named Rev. Franklin Graham, head of Samaritan’s Purse and The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Bishop Wayne T. Jackson of Great Faith Ministries International, Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean and founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Center, Rev. Samuel Rodriguez, head of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference, and Catholic Cardinal Timothy Dolan as participants.

 

Love Warns, Love Rebukes

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I really wasn’t very thankful and I should have been.  My mom was very consistent and persistent in doing two things with me again and again; warning and rebuke. Again and again, as I was getting ready to leave the house as a teenager, mom would warn me about the dangers and temptations of life in a fallen world. I didn’t really appreciate her moral mini-lectures. I would stand there impatiently or remind her that she had said the same thing to me many times. I saw these times as an imposition, a hassle that stood between me and the planned activity of the evening.

She was also very committed to rebuke. The word itself doesn’t sound very kind. But it is. Rebuke is meant to help you see yourself with accuracy. When I had failed or been disobedient, mom was very faithful in getting me to consider why I had done what I had done and what I could have done instead. I those moments I often saw her as picky and judgmental. I would argue with her; activating my inner lawyer and rising to my defense. I often refused to look at myself with accurate eyes.

I look back on those moments now and understand what mom was doing. She was loving me. It was love the motivated those many warnings and love that propelled her to want me to learn from my errors. If she had stood by before and after and been silent, it would have been sure evidence that she did not have a heart of affection for me. There are many instances of divine warning in the Bible and as many instances of divine rebuke, all motivated by faithful, gracious, redemptive affection. I want to look at one of the most startling with you for a moment.

Mark 9:14-29 records Jesus coming down from the mountain of his transfiguration. There before Peter, James and John his humanity is peeled back and his divinity is revealed in stunning glory. His roll in God’s plan of redemption is also revealed as he stands with Moses and Elijah as the ultimate fulfillment of all of the visions of the prophets and of every requirement of the law. Immediately as Jesus comes down from this moment of high holiness, he is greeted with shocking, distorting, destructive evil. A father has sought the help of Jesus for his son who is under the control of an unclean spirit which is doing everything it can to destroy the boy.

I am deeply persuaded that these graphic descriptions of someone who is under the control of evil are meant to sit in the Bible as concrete and specific warnings to us of the life-distorting, destructive evil of evil. You see, here is our problem; we don’t always see evil as evil. There are times when evil looks downright attractive and beautiful to us. A man lusting at the mall doesn’t see dangerous, destructive evil. No, he sees beauty. Someone gossiping on the phone doesn’t experience the danger of evil, but rather the excitement of being in possession of secret knowledge. The child who has taken the cookie he was instructed not to eat doesn’t feel the danger, but is taken up with the flavor of his purloined treat.

So, we need to see the destructive evil of evil again and again. We need to understand that evil is never good. It never produces life. It never leads you toward what is good, right and true. It is always dangerous. It is always destructive. It always leads to death. Because of the ability of what is very bad to present itself as very good, we need to be warned again and again.

At the bottom of the mountain Jesus walks into an argument and when he asks what the argument is about, the father of the boy with the unclean spirit says, “I asked your disciples to cast out this spirit and they were not able.” Later in the passage Jesus tells us why; the disciples actually tried to deliver this poor little boy without praying. Let it sink in. They didn’t pray! You read it right, they didn’t pray! They tried to defeat the powerfully destructive evil that had taken over this boy in their own strength. Did they really think they the had that kind of independent power over evil? It’s shocking!

Is “Creative Planning” an Oxymoron?

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n.pl.ox·y·mo·ra(-môr, -mr)

 or 

ox·y·mo·rons

A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist.

It could be that the idea of creative planning is an oxymoron. After all, does not creativity come from problems to solve? Possibly the worst idea, however, is that creativity is simply utility. Task is often coldly machine-like. Creativity, when it is truly firing on all cylinders, is magic.

There are mechanical, technical tasks in creative endeavors—as is true in any endeavor. The difference is that what drives creativity is the substance of dreams. The more dreaming about the possible pervades a team, the freer the flow of envisioning how that dream can become a building, an experience or a song.

This week I enjoyed leading a creative team meeting that mined from a group valuable ideas and tangible possibilities. We had just one hour to accomplish quite a bit. I learned a lot in the process. I love to get to the task, but I think our meeting also hit some magical moments as we shared personal stories and related that to our goal in connecting to our target group.

Are you task-driven in your creativity at times like I am? Creatives have to lead people, too. Here are a few things, in discussion, that might help clarify if the dream is held hostage by the task. 

Strategy and integration is stalled by tactical whims. I once bought a microphone because I was strongly compelled to solve the problem of turning my neck and missing a note. However, it was badly integrated as it sounded poorer than the original mic. Could we be in danger of creating Frankenstein solutions rather than strategic building blocks?

Change is seen as an improvement or as progress, which may not be the case. Sometimes change is just change that is necessary. The new thing will have new problems. If you grow in numbers, that creates different problems. A church may have more people, but are they better off because of being larger? Or, is change sometimes neutral in progress given its impact on the whole at times?

Culture is seen as monolithic rather than a mosaic. The truth is that every family has a unique culture—some eat dinner together, others play together, some keep away from each other. To creatively plan to reach a group of people, it often means it is real and should be embraced or shunned?

Frameworks and limitations give creativity legs. When there is a limitation to creativity—such as a time and place or budget—creativity leaves the world of philosophical ranting and actually births something tangible. If you know you need to fit 50 people on a stage and make it work, you will make it work—or else. Have you bravely defined your “win” as well as the parameters of your creativity goals? What are the true limits?

I am sure you have other thoughts about making creativity actually a tangible dream. Let’s talk about this a bit.

Why First Impressions Can Change Your Church

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Your first-time guests often decide if they will return within the first 10 minutes. Some are more forgiving and will give you a second chance, but most won’t.

The unchurched look for reasons not to return. Even though they were probably invited by a friend, even friendship can’t override a blown first impression.

It’s like your first visit to a restaurant. Your first 10 minutes usually determines if you will return. Even if your experience “gets better” through the meal, your initial perspective is so skewed that it’s difficult to see past those first impressions. The way the hostess greeted you, the way you were escorted to a table and the way you were treated for the first few minutes largely determines the remainder of the experience.

The same is true in your church. Your first impressions absolutely determine if the first-time guest returns for a second time.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Colossians 4:5-6

Here are three simple questions to help you improve your first impressions.

1) How do you Greet people?

We’ve all been in a restaurant where it seemed like we were intruding on the hostess’ reception area. It’s a terrible experience. We wait and wonder. We check in and are told, “As you can see we are very busy, we’ll get to you when we can.

In stark contrast, one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in San Diego always has a wait. They learn your name, bring out free chips and salsa, and if you wait too long, bring you a free iced tea!

How are people greeted in your church? What do your guests experience in the parking lot—smiles or impatient waving and pointing? Do your greeters make people feel like a million bucks or an inconvenience?

2) How do you Seat people?

That 20-second walk means everything. I’ve visited restaurants where the hostess walked slowly, made pleasant conversation and asked if I was happy with the table. I’m already smiling. I’ve also experienced hostesses who seemed to sprint off, look back impatiently because I stopped to say hi to someone, dropped the menus off at the table and leave.

Whenever I see an usher pointing rather than walking a guest to a place to sit, I cringe. If the visitor knew where to go, they wouldn’t need an usher. Especially when a guest is late, they know they are late, so make them feel even more welcomed! Worship has already started, it’s dark, they can’t see well and people are standing. That’s intimidating. You can put them at ease. You can make the difference that inspires them to come back! It’s the little things that matter.

3) How do you Treat people?

Whether it’s the leaders in the nursery, the person serving coffee or the prompts from the worship leader, your guests should know if you care about them.

Treat each guest like they were a king or queen!

Go the second mile. If you don’t know the answer to a question, find the answer. Do all you can to make their experience warm, personal and engaging.

Serve with joy.

Be real, be yourself and help each person feel right at home.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 7:12

Who Is Beside You?

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In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, we are challenged to “encourage one another and build each other up.” In verse 12, “to acknowledge those who work hard among you.” Then in verse 14, we are urged to  “encourage the disheartened.” Literally, the word for encourage is to call to one’s side. Sometimes it is actually translated to plead with someone, like when Jairus pleaded with Jesus to heal his daughter. Jesus uses the word in his blessing for those who mourn when he said “for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). The strength of encouragement is in the act of coming alongside of another. I think that one of the strengths of the cell structure is that we are constantly calling people to our side.

When I am coaching my cell leaders, I want to come by their side and encourage them personally and in their work. One question I ask every time we meet is how I can help them. I listen to the good things that are happening in their cells and I listen to their challenges. I don’t try to give them advice, instead I want to stand at their side and encourage what they are doing. The best way I can do this is to pray with them and for them.

As we near the end of the year, we are thinking about the coming of Jesus our Messiah who came to be with us. He is God with us. When Jesus ascended to Heaven, he told us that he was sending the Holy Spirit to come alongside of us. The Comforter, the encourager, is with us and helps us to serve the Lord and one another. God the Spirit calls us to his side and then encourages us to call people to our side. This should be the work we do when we are coaching; when we are meeting in a cell; when we are ministering to someone who does not yet know Christ.

When our second son began playing soccer, he was more concerned with the other players than he was with scoring. More than once, a player from the other team would fall to the ground and instead of taking advantage of the moment, he would stop and help the other child to his feet. He understood the role of calling someone to his side. For the strongly competitive, he would have been ridiculed. I like the picture I see of him assisting even a competitor. This is the work we are to do for our cell leaders. Maybe our best coaching is a hug and a prayer at another’s side. What do you think?

This article originally appeared here.

10 Things That Make Church Members Cry

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Our consulting teams at the Lawless Group have interviewed many church members over the last decade. Sometimes, the grief (even tears) we see is difficult to bear. Keeping in mind that we most often work with churches that are struggling, here is a look at some of the most common causes of pain we’ve seen.

  1. They love their church, but they know they’re in trouble. Few believers want to see their church struggle on their watch. Coming face-to-face with the reality of decline (and even impending death) is tough.
  2. They’ve lost relationships because of church conflict. Again, few people think that strong friendships today might someday be broken. When internal church battles turn friend against friend, that anguish can be almost indescribable.
  3. Their teens and young adult children no longer want to attend their church. Historically, church was one place that brought the family together. When next generations now no longer like their parents’ and grandparents’ church, church struggles then become family struggles.
  4. They really do miss the good ole’ days. Perhaps that’s because they prefer a different worship style or a smaller church—but sometimes it’s because they long for a day when life itself was simpler. Their concerns may be directed at their church, but their grief is often more about life in general.
  5. They love their pastor, but something’s not working. This pain is some of the most intense we’ve seen. Church members who adore their shepherd never want to hurt him, but they recognize a problem when the church is no longer following him.
  6. Their good friends are now attending another church in the area. Churches become “families,” and nobody likes it when family members move away—even down the street. If they move away because they see the remaining family as dysfunctional, the pain is even deeper.
  7. They’ve been guilty of sowing discord. It’s not often, but occasionally church members use our interview time for confession. They know they’ve been part of the problem rather than the solution. Seeing our team on their campus can be a reminder of how serious the problem has become.
  8. They’re exhausted. Everything they’ve tried thus far has not solved their church’s issues. They’re working even harder because the church has lost workers. Still, nothing’s changing. Frustration then gives way to fatigue—and heavy weariness can become tears.
  9. They’ve been spiritually depleted. They’re “hanging in there” with their church, but they feel like they’re not being fed from the pulpit. They survive because they listen to other preachers on the television or the Internet.
  10. No one has given them opportunity to share their concerns before. Our interviews sometimes reveal pain because church members have sensed no other safe place to be heard without appearing disruptive. We open the door, and the emotions take over.

What other things would you add?

Good Books for Students—and Student Ministers

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Tim Challies recently shared his 10 Books Every Christian Teenager Should Read. As a minister to students, I couldn’t agree more with this list and the need for these kinds of resources to find their way into the hands of teenagers.

As I was thinking through other books I might add to this list, I came across some other lists that are worth checking out—27 Books Christian Teens Should Read and Top 10 Books for Youth Groups.

To add to these already helpful lists, I wanted to suggest some of the books we have used or hope to use within our own student ministry. Additionally, I have categorized these books within some of the essential categories we think through within our student ministry. Some of these books are written with teenagers in mind, many of them are relatively short and accessible, but all of them are worth every teenager reading. Additionally, I think these books provide a helpful guide for student ministers as they seek to equip and send out students for the gospel.

Gospel Clarity: Helping students know and share the gospel

Trustworthy Faith: Helping students grow confident in what they believe & why they believe it

Personal Holiness: Helping students fight sin and walk in holiness

Purity Matters: Helping students pursue purity and understand their sexuality

Spiritual Discipline: Helping students develop disciplines for growth and maturity

Meaningful Community: Helping students desire & enjoy life together in the local church

Missional Living: Helping students see their everyday life in light of God’s mission

Disciple Making: Helping students know what it means to be a disciple and make disciples

If your a parent, some of these books would make a gift. Others would be a helpful tool to walk through a difficult issue your student may be facing. If you are a student minister, some of these books may provide direction for a teaching series. Others may prove helpful in thinking through your approach to various topics. Either way, I’d love to hear from you. What would you add to this list?

*indicates that I have not personally read this book, but hope to do so soon!

When a Pastor Is a Growth Barrier: The Value of a Strong Work Ethic

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A church that breaks barriers needs a leader that breaks barriers.

Dealing with sin is of the utmost importance for a leader. But there is another issue that isn’t often discussed, and for those in ministry it goes hand-in-hand with confronting sin: the importance of a strong work ethic.

With sin, we cannot work hard enough to make God happy. Jesus did that for us. But when we experience joy in our forgiveness and salvation, God empowers us to work hard and accomplish things for his glory.

A barrier-breaking pastor is driven to do the work God has given him. In the beginning of Genesis, God says a lot about our work. He has made us to do work, but sin has made it frustrating and difficult.

Sin can certainly lead us to be workaholics, and we burn out or the people around us deal with their own burnout. But it can also lead to the opposite: a poor work ethic.

As a church leader you often do a lot of the work outside of the view of your people, and that can be a temptation toward doing less and just trying to look busy.

Ministry is hard, but God empowers us for it. Leading churches that grow takes sacrifice, focus and hard work. Here are a few tools you can use to stay focused on your work so that you will lead your church through growth barriers.

Work All Six

Places like America have a five-day workweek, with everybody working for the weekend—and there are even some trends moving toward a four-day workweek. I want to encourage you to work during all six days and take one full day of rest, just like God designed it.

That doesn’t mean you work every moment of every day, ignore your marriage and skip all of your kids’ events. But a six-day week in which you are working parts of those days engaged in your context helps keep your priorities centered on the world as God designed it to work.

Is your pursuit of rest idolizing God’s gift rather than using it to energize your God-given work? Work hard toward rest, and rest hard toward work.

Plan Your Work

It’s a lot easier to start your day focused on the task at hand when you planned your workday at the end of the previous day—or even your entire week at once. Maybe first thing Monday morning you set a general schedule of your week, and then each evening you set a more detailed plan for the next day. How you use the blocks of unscheduled time will make the most difference.

It’s like a diet. If I plan the contents of my next meal, I’ll probably eat it. But if I go rummaging through the refrigerator, I’ll too often end up being lazy and eating something not on my diet. Plan the productivity ahead of time, and then go for it.

Perfect Peace for Imperfect Parents

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Failure isn’t an option in parenting. It’s an inevitability.

It’s nearly impossible to count the number of angst-ridden parents I’ve sat across in a counseling room. They wring their hands as they worry that they’ve ruined poor little Johnny or Jane. Frantic, they wade through the record of wrongs they’ve committed against their child over the years. Harsh words, unkind thoughts and rash actions all make it on the list of parenthood infamy. What should we make of our mistakes in what is one of the most important roles God has charged us with? My answer: Not much.

Let’s be clear on one thing first: I’m not saying that we don’t let our failures affect us. The hurt, fear, anger and sadness of our little ones—caused by our parental malfunctions—should break our hearts. This is not celebratory “failurism.” Our missteps cause genuine pain, and that pain needs to be listened to, understood, repented of and—to the best of our ability—prevented in the future.

But we must remember: We are sinners tasked with parenting fellow sinners. Sin affects every relationship we have. From the most intimate of family members to random strangers, there’s no relationship on earth where sin doesn’t have its sway. That’s Paul’s testimony in Romans 7 where he laments that though he would do good, the good he wants to do he doesn’t do, and the evil that he wants to quit he finds himself continuing to do (Romans 7:18–19).

Three Pressures to Be Perfect

If failure is pervasive, then why do so many parents live in fear of it?

1. Our culture no longer has a biblical view of who we are as parents.

The spiritual component of our identities has long been replaced with the nature/nurture model of man. It is not uncommon to read or hear a discussion about how a person’s upbringing (nurture) is supposed to shoulder most the blame for whatever ails him. This puts an incredible amount of pressure on the parents to provide a context in which every good trait is perfectly cultivated, and every negative one inhibited, or even eliminated altogether.

But this is where the Christian understanding of the fallen nature of man is such a help. We know that children are born as sinners. Sin isn’t just an action; it’s a condition—one that none of us can escape (Romans 3:9–12, Romans 3.23″ data-version=”esv” data-purpose=”bible-reference”>23). Even in the most loving, encouraging, rewarding and earnest families, we can expect that our children will lie, cheat, steal and be mean just as their parents will surely be irritable, selfish, lazy and inattentive. Not the majority of the time (we hope!), but it will happen nonetheless.

Yet we are not undone by these failures. Instead we are invigorated by the grace that God in Christ has for us (Romans 5:1–5). And that grace doesn’t encourage us to be less like the parents we are called to be, but energizes us to be more like them (Romans 6:1–2). Grace is the engine that drives God-glorifying parenting.

Lauren Daigle Says Farewell to 2016 with Live Performance of ‘Trust in You’ on Good Morning America

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Lauren Daigle is the fastest selling artist in Christian music in the past decade, and Billboard’s Top Christian artist of 2016. Just before the ringing in the of the new year, Dangle performed her chart-topping single “Trust in You” live on Good Morning America.

After an incredibly tumultuous year here in America, the lyrics of the song are like healing balm on an anxious and hurting nation:

When you don’t move the mountains I’m needing you to move
When you don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When you don’t give the answers as I cry out to you
I will trust
I will trust
I will trust in you

Chip and Joanna Gaines Respond to the BuzzFeed Article on Homosexuality

Fixer Upper
Screengrab Youtube @Entertainment Weekly

A BuzzFeed article published in November appeared to be the latest attempt to lure another high-profile Christian business into losing a lot of followers. The target of the article was Chip and Joanna Gaines, the husband and wife team behind a home-renovating business and popular television show Fixer Upper. After remaining silent for over a month, they have now addressed the article in a surprising way.

Instead of taking the bait and making their stance on homosexuality known, the Gaineses wisely decided to stay quiet on the issue and only just now (over a month after the Buzzfeed article was published) responded by way of a blog post. “Jo and I refuse to be baited into using our influence in a way that will further harm an already hurting world,” Chip writes in the post titled “Chip’s New Years Revelation.”

The BuzzFeed article posed the question of whether the Gaines hold the same view on homosexuality as the pastor of their church, Jimmy Siebert. Siebert’s position is that homosexuality is a sin and that people who struggle with same-sex attraction should be converted. The article almost demanded a response from the Gaines, which was not given.

On January 2, 2017, Chip Gaines offered his blog post, which did not take either of the directions that could be expected: to come out as either for or against homosexuality. Instead, Gaines offers a third view, a high road, so to speak. The post starts out by using the couple’s unique relationship as an example. Anyone who watches their show on HGTV would say they have a good relationship, yet Chip says, “Jo and I sometimes don’t see eye to eye on stuff. She looks at something one way and in her gut she thinks she’s right and I look at it an entirely different way.” Yet these differing views of opinion don’t keep them from being best friends and, as evidenced by their booming business, working really well together.

So instead of choosing to drive a wedge between themselves and people who may think differently than they do, Chip explains, “Jo and I feel called to be bridge builders. We want to help initiate conversations between people that don’t think alike.”

Chip and Joanna attend a church where the traditional view of marriage is upheld and affirmed. By choosing not to comment on their own views, the Gaineses communicate that they are home renovators by trade; not preachers. They are not called, in their line of work, to bring people around to their views on homosexuality, therefore there is no need to state their views on that topic.

Chip highlights the increasing division a lot of us have felt this past year over issues such as homosexuality. It’s caused a lot of us to try to insulate against the outside world in an effort to protect ourselves from the unknown. But instead of building walls, Chip proposes another idea: “operating with a love so real and true that you are willing to roll up your sleeves and work alongside the very people that are most unlike you.”

Shake Things Up With Experiential Learning Activities

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Do you remember going on field trips when you were in school?

In elementary school I remember going to a farm and milk processing plant to see how milk was made and bottled. In middle school I remember going to Frankenmuth, MI, to get a glimpse of German culture. In high school I had the experience of being selected for a marching band that played during a half time show at a Michigan State University football game. Note: MSU later became my alma mater.

These were some of the field trips I learned from several decades ago and I still remember them today. What field trips do you remember?

Create Experiential Learning Activities

Experiential learning is simply the process of learning through experience.

Adding “hands-on” experiences to supplement your small group studies and discussions can increase your members’ understanding and retention. These experiences can be like field trips that take place at a different location from your regularly scheduled small group meetings. They can also be experiences planned during your meetings.

Benefits of Experiential Learning Activities

Adding experiential learning activities provides many benefits to your small group.

Breaks the Routine

By changing the routine in your small group, you cause your members to think differently. You take them out of their comfort zone. This forces them to pay a little more attention to what is going on. It also puts them in a more creative mode than they are probably in for your small group discussions.

High Learning Retention

Experiential learning activities improve a person’s understanding and increases their learning retention about the topic. That is one of the reasons field trips taken several decades ago are still remembered.

Brings the Group Closer Together

By doing experiential learning activities as a group, you can bring the group closer together. Members get to see each other participating in a new learning environment. Because we all react a little differently when put in these real-world experiences, it provides more insight into who each of the members are. Knowing each other better brings them together.

A Simple Example

As I said earlier, experiential learning activities don’t have to occur outside the meeting. You can plan and schedule them into your scheduled meeting.

Here is an example of a simple experiential activity that could be done when talking about the topic of thankfulness:

Before or after the small group discussion, hand out thank you cards and stamped envelopes to the small group members. Ask them to think of someone who has recently done something they are thankful for. Then have them write a short thank you note to that person. Tell them before they write their thank you note that you are going to invite them to share what they write. I also recommend you have a sample thank you note already written to give them an idea of what might be included in a note written for this purpose.

After the notes are written, allow members to share what they wrote with the group. Then reflect on what was learned from the activity.

After the activity is discussed, have them put the note in the envelope and put the person’s name on the front of it. If they know the address of the person, have them write it on the front of the envelope as well. If not, have them look it up after the meeting and send it to you. If you don’t hear from them give them a call so that it isn’t forgotten.

Then send out the thank you notes!

Doing this does not take a significant amount of time and is a tangible way they can show their thanks to others. Encourage them to carry thank you notes with them. When they get a break, think about people they are thankful for and then write and send a note to them.

Question: What experiential learning activities have you done in the past or would you like to do with your small group in the future?

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