Why Even Go to Church? The Truth About Those Sundays When You Just Don’t Want to Be There

By

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August 21, 2017

Why go to church, especially when you don’t feel like it?

Church is wonderful. Church is important.

Church is meant to remind us of the miserable condition in which sin left us and our world, and of the glorious rescue of redeeming grace.

The songs we sing, the Scriptures we read, the sermons we listen to and the prayers we engage in are all designed to keep us from ever taking the person and work of Jesus Christ for granted.

Why Go to Church?

Despite all of this, there are some Sundays when I don’t attend church with a good attitude.

I know you are more like me than unlike me.

While there are many Sundays that we are excited for church, there are those “other Sundays” when you just don’t want to be there.

On more Sundays than I wish to admit, I grumble my way into the worship service. There are some weeks when I’m just running through the motions, going to church because I’m supposed to.

(Sometimes I go because my wife makes me! But I know that has never happened to any of you…)

But on these Sundays, something happens: The glory of God confronts my fickle heart.

God ordained for us to gather for worship because he knows us and the weaknesses of our grumbling and easily distracted hearts. He knows how soon we forget the depth of our need as sinners and the expansiveness of his provisions in Jesus Christ.

He knows that little lies can deceive us and little obstacles can discourage us. He knows that self-righteousness still has the power to delude us.

So in grace, he calls us to gather and consider glory once again, to be excited once again, and to be rescued once again.

It’s not only that these worship services remind us of God’s grace; these worship services are themselves a gift of grace.

Going to church is designed to confront you with the glory of the grace of Jesus so you won’t look for life, help and hope elsewhere.

Are you allowing yourself to be confronted?

God bless

Paul Tripp

This resource is from Paul Tripp Ministries. For additional resources, visit www.paultripp.com. Used with permission.

13 Spurgeon Quotes for Surviving Guilt

By

Christian George

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August 21, 2017

Charles Spurgeon’s ministry was marked with guilt. After the Surrey Gardens Music Hall disaster on October 19, 1856, he fell into so deep a depression that even the sight of the Bible brought much anxiety. His text was Proverbs 3:33, “The curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked.” He never preached from that text again.

Spurgeon had known guilt before. Early in his ministry, he lost sleep imagining the Ten Commandments saying, “You have broken me.” In January 1850, Spurgeon’s guilt erupted violently.

“I feared lest the very skies should fall upon me, and crush my guilty soul.”

“I wished I had never been born.”

“If God does not send me to hell, He ought to do it.”

And so, from the depths of Spurgeon’s guilt we excavate these 13 quotes. In reading them, may you be as healed as Spurgeon was in saying them.

1. “You are a great sinner, but he is a greater Saviour.”

2. “As far as God is concerned your sin has ceased to be.”

3. “God is more ready to forgive than I am ready to offend.”

4. “It is the church that is unmerciful sometimes, but not the Master: He is ever willing to receive us when we come to him.”

5. “If Christ was cursed for you, you cannot be cursed again.”

6. “He could not love us more than that if we had never fallen.”

7. “In the family register of glory the small and the great are written with the same pen.”

8. “He is not the God of the hills only, but of the valleys also.”

9. “Your sins are so gone that they cannot be laid to your charge.”

10. “I am forgiven, I am forgiven, I am forgiven!”

11. “When a man believes in Christ, he is in that moment, in God’s sight, as though he had never sinned in all his life.”

12. “Until God can change or lie, he never will bring to mind again the sin of that man whom he hath pardoned.”

13. “Just before I die sanctification will be finished.”

A Final Word

In the midst of his misery, Spurgeon discovered a mercy wider than his wounds and deeper than his depravity.

“Print every word of that in diamonds, ‘I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.’”

Spurgeon believed—and we must believe—that God is in the business of new beginnings. No sin is greater than Christ’s desire to forgive it. No conscience is too stained that God cannot wash it white.

Whatever guilt you are feeling today, be encouraged that the same God who didn’t abandon Spurgeon will not abandon you.

Take Jesus’ words to heart: “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

This article originally appeared here.

13 Fall Outreach Ideas for Your Church

By

Church Fuel

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August 21, 2017

Are you looking for some fall outreach ideas to reach out to the community and invite people to church this fall?

Here are some of our favorite fall outreach ideas.

#1 – Write Thank You Notes to Teachers. This idea comes from Jeremy Roberts. Go to the website of a local school, print off the list of teachers, and have a group of volunteers write them handwritten notes of encouragement. Then deliver the notes, along with some cookies, on a teacher work day (or whenever).

#2 – Serve Day. Choose a day, invite everyone in your church and head into your community to serve. You can ask captains to organize and head up various projects. This is a great way to decentralize serving but maximize impact with everyone serving at the same time.

#3 – Work concessions. City Church in Tallahassee, Florida, has a team of volunteers to work concessions at local high school football games, a task usually done by parents of players. This way, parents can watch their kids play and enjoy the game night atmosphere with friends and family. They also host a kickoff event for high school football teams, bringing in a speaker and working directly with high school coaches. It’s a big part of their community ministry.

#4 – Tailgating. Invite everyone to the church, neighborhood clubhouse or parking lot and watch a big college football game. You can make this a church wide event or let small groups do it around your city on a smaller scale. This could also work for a Friday night high school game.

#5 – Back to School Drive. Collect school supplies and deliver to a local school that needs them. And while most churches do this at the beginning of the school year, it could also make a difference later in the year when schools are running low on supplies.

#6 – Date Night. Hire babysitters, childcare workers, or put on an event for kids while parents have a date night. You could give away movie tickets or work out a deal with local restaurant for an added touch.

#7 – Free Oil Change. It works like a free car wash and it’s a great way to get mechanically minded people involved. Set up in the church parking lot and provide this service to the community. You might want to do a little bit of publicity ahead of time, particularly focusing on people who need this type of service.

#8 – Picture Day. Some churches do this on Mother’s Day in the spring, but it’s really a nice thing to do anytime. Hire a professional photographer and set up in the church lobby and take family photos. You could also do this at a community event, carnival or festival. After you take the pictures, give people a small card with a website where they can go download their photos. You can invite them to church or an event on the page as well.

#9 – Parent Seminar. This might just be one of the biggest needs in your community…practical information on parenting. Offer training for parents on how to talk to your kids about technology, which is usually a big question parents have. Check out parentchat.com, a great resource for this.

#10 – Family Movie Night. Move out the chairs and bring in some couches. Rent or borrow a popcorn machine. And put a fun, family movie up on the big screen. Make sure you let your church people know this is one of those events where they should bring a friend. And take note, you’re going to need a license to show a movie.

#11 – Plan a big day. The fall is a great time to plan a big day. Think of all you do to plan Easter in the Spring and apply that to a Sunday in the fall. Equip your church with tools to invite their friends. Plan a message series designed to connect with the community. National Back to Church Sunday is September 17 and there are lots of resources available to help you promote it.

#12 – Equip your people to invite. We’ve talked about this before, but throughout the fall, make sure you’re equipping your people to invite, not just asking them to do it. You’ve got to give them tools. Print some invite cards or write Facebook posts they can easily share.

#13 – Try Facebook ads. If you’ve got a special event or a new series coming up, try Facebook ads. You can target a specific audience, and let’s face it…most of your community is on Facebook. You’ll probably find that a simple ad promoting one of these other events will work best. For example, target moms within 10 miles of your church and let them know about the movie night or the Parent Chat seminar. Target people who like a certain football team or are connected with a local high school to let them know about the tailgate party. You can get specific and be creative and it really works.

What would you add to this list? Hit reply and leave a comment.

Take a Next Step With Fall Outreach

We believe two things about church growth.

#1 – You don’t have to sacrifice church health to experience church growth.

#2 – While growth is up to God, He wants us to be good stewards of our influence and uses us in the process.

If you’re interested in healthy growth in your church, check out the Church Fuel One program. It’s a community of pastors who value practical coaching and resources and encourage one another to grow healthy.

Every month, we deliver master classes to members covering topics like recruiting volunteers, connecting people, preaching, finances and more. It’s just in time training for you and your team.

Members get access to a resource library full of documents, spreadsheets and templates. And there are members only office hours and round tables where you can get personal help when needed. If you’ve got one hour a month, Church Fuel One can help you lead your church to healthy grow.

This article about fall outreach ideas originally appeared here.

What Young Worship Leaders Need to Know

By

Bob Kauflin

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August 21, 2017

Recently, I had the privilege of leading the music at the Conviction to Lead conference, put on by Cornerstone Church of Knoxville. It was a regional men’s conference for the Sovereign Grace Churches in the mid-South. It was a great time of encouragement, equipping, fellowship and laughter. Topics included The Leader and Conviction, Learning, Vocation, Planning, Parenting, the Home, the Word and the Church. Messages can be downloaded here.

On Friday afternoon, I met with about 40 guys for lunch followed by Q&A on topics related to music and worship. One question had to do with what my counsel would be to a worship leader who was just starting out. I could have rattled off 10-20 things that are important to focus on. But I wanted to keep it simple. So here’s what I said, with a little elaboration.

Live in the good of the gospel.
Living in the good of the gospel at least requires knowing the gospel. The gospel is the good news that Jesus Christ, fully man and fully God, died and rose again to rescue a people from their sins and God’s judgment by bearing their guilt and punishment on himself at the cross (1 Cor. 15:1-4; 1 Pet. 3:18; 1 Pet. 2:24; 2 Cor. 5:21). He did this out of unfathomable love for us and ultimately for the glory of the Father. The gospel isn’t trying to be better, viewing Jesus as a good example or loving everyone. It’s the objective reality of Jesus Christ saving people from death, hell and judgment.

But knowing the gospel isn’t the same as living in the good of the gospel. Living in the good of the gospel means enjoying to some degree all that Jesus died to win for us. Release from condemnation (Rom. 8:1). The joy of knowing we’re adopted into God’s family (Rom. 8:15). The security of God’s faithful love (Rom. 8:37-39). The assurance that God will provide all that we need (Rom. 8:32). Freedom from sin’s power (Gal. 5:24). Victory over our fear of death (Heb. 2:14-15).

I talk to leaders all the time who aren’t living in the good of what Christ accomplished. They constantly battle (and regularly give in to) comparison, envy, self-promotion, discouragement, anxiety, depression, even despair. But make no mistake about it. If we aren’t enjoying the benefits of the gospel, we’ll have a hard time persuading others that it’s the power of God (Rom. 1:16), and will quickly turn to other means to motivate or affect them (riffs, synth pads, graphics, lights, smoke, etc.). We’ll think it’s all about people being amazed by us instead of people being amazed by Jesus.

If that’s you, I’d encourage you to start mining the riches of Christ’s redeeming work. Study gospel passages. Read books like The Cross of Christ, The Gospel for Real Life, Living the Cross-Centered Life, The Gospel Transformation Bible and Gospel Wakefulness. And know that you’ll never think too highly of Jesus and what he accomplished through his life, death and resurrection.

Know the God of the Bible.
God calls every Christian, especially leaders, to know the Word of God and the God of the Word. There are a number of ways we can grow in our knowledge of God, including studying creation, reflecting on our experiences and talking to others. But God has given us the ultimate and authoritative revelation of himself in his Word. All other knowledge of God is to be tested by and weighed against Scripture.

6 Reasons Why the Church Is Not Singing

By

Dr. Josh Buice

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August 21, 2017

One of the great benefits of attending a Christian conference is undoubtedly the singing. Each year during the G3 Conference, I try to record some of the congregational singing just to file away and remember. This week as I listen through livestream to the T4G conference, it’s impressive to hear 10k people, mostly men, singing hymns of truth with passion and boldness. This past November, I attended the Metropolitan Tabernacle in London, and as the gathered church lifted voices of praise through a hymn to the Lord, it was impressive. There were no fancy lights or smoke machines, and minimal use of technology in the room. It was simply people singing praises to our God for the salvation that’s ours through the blood of His Son. So, why aren’t people singing in church on Sunday?

Why Aren’t People Singing in Church?

One of the most important things a church does is sing the gospel. David penned these words in Psalm 9:11: “Sing praises to the Lord, who sits enthroned in Zion! Tell among the peoples his deeds!” Certainly David understood the importance, but sadly the church today doesn’t understand the importance of singing praise to the Lord of glory. At least that seems to be the case since the majority of evangelical church sanctuaries are quiet on the Lord’s day. Below I’ve suggested six reasons why there are few people singing in church.

The Men Are Not Singing

It’s true, and sadly the case, that men are not singing. Not only do most churches have more women in attendance than men, the men who do attend are often seen standing there silently during the congregational singing. It could be the arrangement or the lack of discipleship regarding the importance of singing the gospel, but most men are not singing in the church today. Something must be done to correct this, but the answer is not centered on pragmatic methods or surveys. The answer is rooted in biblical discipleship and the selection of proper worship songs. When you attend a pastors’ conference and you hear the men lifting up their voices in unison, it’s quite impressive.

The Church Has Given the Singing Over to the Professionals

One reason why the church is quiet on Sunday is because the church has decided to hand over the responsibility of singing to the professionals. The choirs, praise bands and praise teams have largely assumed the responsibility of singing in the church worship service. If you turn off the loud music from the praise band, silence the drums, pull the plug on the guitar and mute the microphones of the praise team, the result would be quite revealing. On a given Sunday, most of the people mumble the words to the songs while the “professionals” sing. We must remember that we’re not called to mumble the words. We’re called to worship God in song, and that can’t happen with mumbling lips and quiet voices.

**The Hymns Have Been Replaced With Lighter Praise Songs**

There isn’t anything wrong or sinful in the use of new praise songs in worship. Praise God for the ministry of modern hymn writers such as Keith and Kristyn Getty and others who are writing new songs. Most of the songs we sing from the hymn book were once upon a time considered new songs to be used in worship. All extra-biblical songs are written by pastors, theologians, scholars and musicians rather than apostles. So, for us to limit ourselves to older songs would be a tragic mistake. However, it can be said that many of our good theologically rich songs that contain both weighty lyrics and an appropriate musical arrangement are largely being replaced by lighter praise songs that certainly don’t have the theological depth necessary for use in a worship service.

We’ve reached a day where “And Can It Be” has been replaced with “Lord I Lift Your Name on High” and Charles Wesley has been replaced by Chris Tomlin. Just because a song is on the top 40 Christian music chart doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for a worship service. We should think critically about the theology we’re communicating when choosing a song for worship. Hundreds of good hymns sit in books as unsung choruses each week while the latest new praise song remains in perpetual use. The selection of songs for worship is a solemn task, and it falls under the oversight of the pastors. Regarding the use of primarily new songs today in worship, T. David Gordon writes:

“For 19 centuries, all previous generations of the church (Greek Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant or Revivalist), in every culture, employed prayers and hymns that preceded them, and encouraged their best artists to consider adding to the canon of good liturgical forms. That is, none were traditional, in the sense of discouraging the writing of new forms; and none were contemporary, in the sense of excluding the use of older forms. So why now this instance that many, most, or all forms of worship be contemporary?” [1]

Families Are Not Singing at Home

Family worship was once upon a time a common practice among professing Christians. Today, the busy schedules and technological gadgets have crowded out family worship time. Therefore, most families who attend church in an evangelical church on Sunday have not been engaging in family worship through the week. It’s quite simple, families who don’t sing at home can’t be expected to sing passionately in the gathered church. The little league baseball coach asks my son’s team often, “How many of you are playing baseball at home?” The point he’s driving home is that we can’t expect the children to get better by merely going to one or two practices each week. Family worship is essential for building a foundation and respect for congregational singing. Family worship also builds familiarity with the songs that are used during the congregational worship on Sunday, and this not only helps teach theology, but it helps the entire family memorize songs.

People Get Lost in the Repetition, Progression and Climax

Many new songs used in worship have awkward arrangements, progressions and extremely high climactic peaks that make them difficult to sing—especially for men. If the church is distracted by the arrangement and musical expression that points to a climax more than the gospel, that’s a big problem that must be addressed. We want people singing in church, but we want our minds involved in the whole process so that it’s not merely an emotional exercise, but also a discipleship and learning tool each week. Mark Dever has written:

“These are the hallmarks of good worship songs, whether they’re hymns or choruses: biblical accuracy, God-centeredness, theological and/or historical progression, absence of first-person singular pronouns, and music that complements the tone of the lyrics.” [2]

Modern praise songs have created a new genre often referred to as 7-11 songs. These songs often use the method of repetition to a degree that’s well beyond healthy. If a seven-minute song contains only two main lines that are repeated multiple times, it’s most likely not a good song for worship. One of the things lacking in many modern praise songs is the element of poetry. If you read the Psalms in the Bible and if you reflect upon the hymns of church history, they are often using some grammatical element of poetry that enables the song to connect with the congregation. Poetry and well arranged lyrics have a natural progression that enables people to sing freely rather than worrying about missing some transition. Songs full of disorder can’t lead us to worship an orderly God in Spirit and truth.

Media Distractions

Progressive media technology provides wonderful tools for use in worship, but if the words are not in sync with the song, it can create a problem for people singing in church. One of the major causes for a silent congregation is the misuse of media technology in a church service.

Do These 8 Steps When Your Church Launches a New Series

By

Rich Birch

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August 21, 2017

Church growth is more of a flywheel than a cannon shot. It requires consistent energy applied in the same direction over time to see results. It doesn’t happen overnight but as you gain traction the small wins start to add up and something truly amazing happens.

A year ago, the church I worked in was named one of the fastest-growing churches in the country by Outreach Magazine [ref]. As I reflected on this, I tried to dissect our strategies and what made us different from other churches. I wondered what it was that seemed to make a difference and enable our growth. I became convinced that our consistent focus on series promotion was part of the equation. For over 30 series in a row (that’s nearly three years), we would do the same thing to promote every new series. And although we’d mix up the content to ensure the approach didn’t get stale, we always applied the same core elements every time we did something new.

If you’re looking for ways to jumpstart your church’s growth and help you launch a new series, repeat these same elements every time you launch a new series at your church. The goal is to build excitement for the new series and encourage your people to bring as many friends and family members as they please. Staying focused on repeating these eight steps every series is a part of the discipline that will add energy to your church growth flywheel!

Heads Up Announcement – Two Weeks Before. As you near the end of the series that you are currently on, take some time to telegraph what’s coming up next. Doing this helps your people know what to anticipate next in the life of the church. It could also serve as an incentive to persevere to people who might not be raving fans of the current series. Momentum is generated in all organizations by “new” things. Our minds are hardwired to see the new and novel and be attracted to it. By articulating what is “new and exciting” in the life of your church, you can start generating positive momentum. Momentum is first an idea in your people’s minds before it translates into tangible impact. This announcement should be anticipation-inducing and explain the core “hook” for the series. A positively toned announcement on a slide with the start date and core “look” of the series would be a great start for your church!

Trailer Video – One Week Before. The week before the series launches is critical for your people. During the service, play a short trailer (45-60 seconds) that sets up the tension of the series. This video is designed to entice its viewers to want to learn more and to invite their friends to the series. Oftentimes, you’ll notice churches use questions in these trailers because it is a simple way to frame the series. A video trailer is an important communication tool because it breaks up the format of a “talking head” doing announcements and grabs peoples’ attention. This video should also be shared on your social media channels during the week after it’s played. (Bonus: email core “insiders” and invite them to share the video online so it spreads more on other channels.) Two-thirds of your church are visual learners so the stretch of communicating what is coming up through a highly visual form, like a trailer, is important to consider. If you are looking for ideas for trailers, New Spring, Elevation & Life.Church all give away their video trailers (and more) from their series.

Invite Card Packs – One Week Before. Invite cards continue to be a relevant tool even in an age of ever-increasing digital communication. These physical cards are inexpensive to produce and provide a tangible reminder to your people to invite their friends. There should be enough information on the card so it stands alone as a communication tool. The series information, as well as the dates, times and location, need to be clear on the card. In the text, ensure that the card actually invites people to attend. (You’d be surprised how people from outside church don’t know if they are actually welcome to attend your church). Work with your guest services team to ensure that these end up in the hands of as many people as possible. You could place them on every seat in the auditorium so people have to pick them up and look at them when they sit down. Another potential distribution idea is to have a team of people stand at your exits and hand them out to people as they leave. However, don’t just hand these cards out one at a time; package them into packs of two to three with a rubberband around them. The implicit message is that you hope your people will invite more than one friend or family member to the series launch.

Pastoral Moment – One Week Before. As you head into the week before the series, it is important for your people to hear the pastoral heart behind inviting people to come to the new series. This isn’t another “announcement” about the “dates, facts and figures” of the series. It is a moment to slow down and impress upon people how important it is to invite people to what’s coming up next. Explain why your church is heading in this new direction, take the time to tell them who you are inviting, and ask them to join you in inviting people to come the following week. The tenor of this time is showing the congregation how being an “inviter” is a part of their Christian faith. It also gives a clear indication to your people that the topic you’re transitioning into has some weight and is worth them investing the time to be a part of. Show some passion for the “new” topic!

Social Shareables – Week Before. We all know that social media can have a profound impact on how our ministries communicate with people. Don’t miss the opportunity to ask your people to share some content online before a series launches. The goal here is to not post something that simply “advertises” the series but rather something that has content your people would actually be willing to share. The primary goal is “shareability” and the secondary goal is that people are informed about the new series. The trailer for the series is a “must share” piece of the puzzle, but you should also experiment with other content types. Over time some forms of content get more shares than others so keep an eye out for what seems to be “trending” in the networks you follow.

Team Huddles – Week Before. Your volunteers represent an important audience in and of themselves; ensure that they are well-primed to invite friends. Because they are disproportionately committed to the vision of the church as volunteers, you need to make sure you ask them directly to invite friends the following week. We often overlook this group because we think they will just catch the messaging from the rest of the “general pipelines” that you’re talking about it in. This is a missed opportunity because the group wants to feel in on the development of the church and will be more receptive to your inquiries to invite people. This could take the form of the lead pastor holding a special “all team huddle” the week before a new series launches or simply a “cascade of information” through the leadership structure of the church. The important thing is that this group gets a special request to pray for and invites friends to the upcoming series. There is just a small percentage of people who actually invite friends, and these people are usually also volunteers. Thus, make sure to address this group directly.

Direct “Ask to Ask” Email – Thursday Before. Most people who make the decision to attend your church this weekend for the first time will do it the last three or four days before the service. The prime inviting time is Thursday through Saturday because most guests that will choose to come to your church during that period. A strategically placed reminder from the church on the Thursday before is a something you should do every time you launch a new series. This multifaceted email should highlight the social media that seems to be getting the best traction as well as provide some simple tools people can put into play right away for inviting their friends and family. This email should be focused on “tools” to help equip your people to invite their friends. Assume that they’ve lost the invite card and can’t remember what the series is about and provide them everything they need to learn about the series to invite their friends.

“Starts Tomorrow!” Email – Saturday Before. We’ve referenced this in the past but emails from the church on Saturday do help drive attendance. As opposed to the Thursday email, this one does better coming from the Lead Pastor, or the Campus Pastor if you’re a multisite church. The tone of this email is a last-minute request for people to attend the following day and to invite friends to come with them. The aim is to build anticipation about what is happening the next day. It should be “underwritten,” that is, direct and to the point and should not contain a lot of graphics and formatting. It should look as if it was sent out from the leader to people directly. Quick and to the point. It doesn’t need a lot of frills but is just a direct ask to attend the following day and to bring friends. You could link to a single sharable item like the trailer or social media post that has performed well over the week, but don’t overdo it. The email is designed to get people’s attention as they are going about their day.

This article originally appeared here.

What the Bible Has to Say About Your Facebook Comments

By

Christine Yount Jones

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August 21, 2017

The Bible actually has a lot to say about a Christian’s Facebook comments. Or, to be more specific, about your comments on anything. (It’s not just your mama who told you to “watch your tongue”!)

Words matter. They matter in person and they matter online—especially for Christ-followers who are called to a higher standard than the vitriol that shows up in Facebook comments.

Our Facebook Comments Reveal Our Hearts

Watch Your Tongue!

The Bible is clear that the hardest thing for us to manage or control is that little thing in our mouths—the tongue. James 3:6 says that “the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”

Consider indeed the great fires that are set on a Facebook thread when people lob emotional and incendiary words at one another. A friend of mine has said that the Internet is “The Wild, Wild West” when it comes to “anything goes” in comment threads. Would Christ-followers say in person the things they write in comments? Would they call names and throw insults in person like they do on Facebook? It makes one wonder.

The Bible’s Rules for Facebook Comments

God has spoken out clearly with these guidelines for civility. And today these are more pertinent than ever in “The Wild, Wild West of Facebook.”

1. Control Your Emotions.

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 Use the same rule you use when sending an email: Don’t send it while you’re emotional. Give it time before you send the email or post the comment. Calm your emotions then decide if you want to post that comment.

2. Control Your Reaction.

No matter how insane—or wrong—you think the other posters are, answer calmly—and gently. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Our goal as Christ-followers is to bring peace—not arguments!

3. Control Your Goal.

What are you trying to achieve? Win an argument or advance the Kingdom of God with healthy dialogue? 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says to, “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you.” The King James Version actually goes beyond “make it your ambition” and says “study to be quiet.” This is so antithetical to our culture right now. But, Christian, we are called to be different from our culture!

4. Control Your Focus.

Let go of all the negative talk. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

What do you think? How do you bring peace to Facebook conversations—instead of an argument?

America’s Eclipse: Harbinger of the End of the World?

By

Megan Briggs

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August 21, 2017

Today, August 21, 2017, America will be privy to one of the most fascinating observable acts of the natural world: a total solar eclipse. While scientists and hobby astronomers alike are excited to witness these events, others are concerned with the spiritual significance of the eclipse—some are even warning about the end of the world and God’s impending judgment.

Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of evangelist Billy Graham, published a blog post concerning the eclipse in which said she wanted to “be faithful to warn others of the danger coming against the land” that she believes the eclipse foretells.

True to his “make sure people get a chance to repent of their sins and accept Jesus as Lord” priority, Graham’s son, Franklin, issued a statement on his Facebook page that is encouraging people to take the eclipse as an opportunity to do just that.

While Lotz’s blog post is a little more pointed than Franklin Graham’s position, they both agree it’s hard to know if the eclipse is a sign from God or not. In an article published on Charisma News, Lotz said:

“Regardless of whether or not the conjecture regarding America’s eclipse is accurate, we know our nation and our world is in turmoil. Without doubt, this is the time for God’s people to get right with God. To repent of our own sin. To share the gospel with our neighbors. And to pray that in the midst of His coming wrath, God would remember mercy (Hab. 3:2).”

Both siblings agree, however, that world events point toward the end times.

While their father, Billy Graham, doesn’t make public statements anymore due to his declining health, things he’s said in the past about eclipses give us a hint as to where he might stand on today’s eclipse. An article on BillyGraham.org relates a sermon Billy Graham gave on the night of a total lunar eclipse. The article relates, “Rather than pointing to the eclipse as a specific sign from the Lord, he used the moon and stars to illustrate the incomprehensible vastness and power of God.”

Whether the eclipse represents God’s impending judgement—a belief Lotz tells us Jewish rabbis have historically held—or it is more a show of God’s incredible celestial handiwork, one thing is certain: A God who could set the universe in order in such a way for the moon to cross in front of the sun and block it out temporarily from an earthly point of view is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

7 Ways to Be More Broken Over Lostness

By

Chuck Lawless

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August 20, 2017

As Christians, we are called to share the gospel with the world (Matt. 28:18-20). Studies show us, though, that most Christians seldom if ever share their faith with a nonbeliever. If evangelism is a struggle for you, think about these ways to deepen your burden over nonbelievers:

Study what the Bible says about lost people. They’re following the “prince of the air” (Eph. 2:1-3), living in darkness in Satan’s domain (Acts 26:18, Col. 1:13), blinded by Satan (2 Cor. 4:3-4), and caught in his trap (2 Tim. 2:25-26). They’re helpless apart from God’s grace, no matter how good they may seem to be.
Do a Bible study on eternal judgment. Meditate on texts like Matthew 25:41-46, Luke 16:19-31 and Revelation 20:11-15. See and sense the separation and the anguish. If you can study the reality of hell and not be more burdened about nonbelievers, I’d question your Christianity.
Think about these facts of life and death. Today, approximately 150,000 will die around the world, most of whom will not be followers of Christ. Some of us have family members who, if they were to be among that number today, would be destined for hell. These realities ought to bring us to tears.
Learn about the spiritual tragedies of the world. Today, people in some parts of India are praying to ancestral spirits and turning to wild animals for guidance. Some in China are worshiping trees, mountains, dragons and rivers. In Africa, men carry their personal gods with them for protection, as if that which is carried is stronger than the one doing the carrying. In Southeast Asia, people sacrifice to pagan gods to bring healing to the sick. In some parts of Russia, sorcerers who cast spells are the center of spiritual power. Go to www.joshuaproject.net, study more about people groups of the world, and grieve these false attempts to find security and life.
Be grateful for God’s grace in your life. Jesus told us that the way to life is narrow, and few people find it (Matt. 7:13-14). Were it not for God’s amazing grace, you and I would also be among the many who never find eternal life. Recognizing God’s favor in your life should compel you to tell others about Him.
Consider what it’s like to face life without Christ. That might be hard if you’re a Christian, but think about tough things people face. Job loss. Natural disaster. Terminal illness. Marital breakup. Incarcerated children. Unexpected death. I honestly don’t know how people get through life without trusting Christ.
Ask God to give you His heart for lost people. Confess your lack of concern to Him, and ask Him to change you. Meanwhile, enlist two believers to pray Ephesians 6:18-20 and Colossians 4:2-4 for you. Ask God to give you His heart while others are praying for you to speak the gospel boldly and clearly—and see what God does!

Let us know how we can pray for you.

This article originally appeared here.

What Every Pastor Wishes His Worship Leader Knew

By

J.D. Greear

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August 20, 2017

A few weeks ago, one of our leaders asked me to come speak to a group of worship interns, telling them “everything I thought pastors wanted worship leaders to know.” When I agreed to do it, I thought it would be a stretch to come up with three or four worship leader tips. That was a bit naïve. By the time I was done, it grew to a list of 14!

Worship Leader Tips

I’d love to see a corresponding list of “What Every Worship Leader Wishes His Pastor Knew,” but for now, here are my worship leader tips for growing worship leaders:

1. Teach the people how to respond in worship.

Our impulse is to blame the congregation for being too cold. But as leaders, we need to assume that the fault lies with us. If people aren’t responding to God in worship, the easy way out is to gripe about the people. The leader’s way out is to ask how we can disciple people to grow.

Responding appropriately in worship is something that has to be taught. In fact, the Bible commands postures of worship. Part of your job as a worship leader is to do something similar with your people, calling them to the postures of worship that we see commended throughout Scripture. Two of the most frequent commands we see throughout the Psalms are to praise with lifted hands (Psalm 28:2, 63:4, 88:9, 134:6, 143:6, et al.) and to shout (Psalm 20:5, 22:22, 35:27, 47:1, 66:1, 81:1, et al.). In the context where I preach—a majority white church—these are not intuitive modes of worship. So we constantly have to call our people to use their bodies and voices in a way that reflects the majesty of the One they are worshiping.

On the practical side, it helps if you start by teaching those who are already bought in to the mission. Teach the staff and leaders, then lead in concentric circles.

2. The posture guides the heart.

We were created as holistic beings—with intellects, emotions and bodies all working in concert with one another. Studies show that anywhere from 70 to 95 percent of communication is nonverbal. We say a lot about what we think and feel without uttering a single word. This is why the Bible commands us to kneel, stand, sing, shout and lift our hands. It doesn’t say, “Shout to the Lord if you have that kind of personality and the mood strikes you.” It simply says, “Shout.” Our hearts often guide our posture in worship, but it is equally true that our posture guides our heart.

The objection I hear to this is that people don’t want to be inauthentic. But that’s not a great way to approach the commands of God. I don’t say, “It would be hypocritical for me to be faithful to my wife, since my heart often desires adultery.” No, I oppose the sinful desire and choose the godly one, because obedience shouldn’t rise and fall based on feelings.

3. Your people need a pastor, not a performer.

By this one of the worship leader tips, I don’t mean that you should intentionally sing poorly—any more than I, as a preacher, would intentionally speak poorly. But you aren’t there to simply sing in front of folks. Don’t hide backstage before and after the service. Get out there and mingle with people. Be available. As a worship leader, you should be leading people to worship with you, not merely in the same room as you.

4. Talk with your pastor about what you’re trying to do.

The more you talk with your pastor about why you want to do a certain song (or avoid one), the further you’ll get in actually achieving your goals together. Worship should be a rhythm of revelation and response. Once you and your pastor agree on that, the specifics of songs and sets becomes easier to manage.

5. It’s not illegitimate to take audience mood into consideration.

You aren’t a performer. I’ve made that clear. But don’t be so “theological” that you ignore the artistic side of leading worship. You’re dealing with music and singing, which brings certain sociological elements into the picture. So don’t be surprised if you do three slow, soft songs in a row and find your people checking out. They aren’t necessarily being unholy. They’re following the mood you set.

There’s a reason we generally start off with a more upbeat song in our services, rather than a contemplative and mournful one—just like I usually start my sermons with an illustration. You can easily go overboard on this fifth of the worship leader tips, but don’t ignore it altogether. Setting the mood and using artistic style is one way of honoring God with your talents and leading your people well.

6. Don’t say embarrassing things.

I know that not every worship leader prides himself on public speaking. But you will be doing some speaking up there, so be smart about it. If you find yourself saying things to the crowd that are more befitting of a rock show (“Come on, I can’t hear you!” or “Are we ready to have some fun?”), maybe you should write out precisely what you want to say. After all, if the lyrics to the song are scripted, it’s not a terrible idea for the lyrics to your introduction to follow a pattern, too.

4 Steps You Can Take to Build a Healthier Groups Ministry

By

Ben Reed

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August 20, 2017

We just had the Purpose Driven Church Conference at Saddleback. There were thousands of pastors who came to learn and grow. I was talking with one whose question was really good.

How can we possibly make sure groups don’t go crazy? I mean, we have so many scattered all over the place. We don’t want them going off the rails theologically or practically. Is that possible?

The answer to that is so easy. Yet the answer is also the most difficult answer in groups.

You can’t.

However, you can build the infrastructure in such a way that gives support, care and guardrails to leaders and groups and helps direct them toward the end in mind. But at the end of the day, you can never guarantee perfection. Here’s a Saddleback-ism you can take to the bank:

You can structure for control, or you can structure for growth. But you can’t structure for both at the same time.

If you want control, you can have it. But it comes at the expense of growth.

If you want growth, you can have it. But it comes at the expense of control.

So at the end of the day, there’s no way to guarantee a group won’t go crazy. We’re dealing with humans after all, not robots. There’s no way you can see every email, hear every phone call and be a part of every discussion that’s happening in your groups. It’s just not possible. And the more you squeeze, the more you’ll (likely) see people want to rebel against that. Want to know how I know that?

Because that’s what I’d do.

While you can’t guarantee it, here are some steps you can take to lead and guide groups toward health.

Know your end in mind. For us at Saddleback, that’s a healthy group that balances the five purposes (fellowship, discipleship, ministry, evangelism and worship) in the life of the group and each individual. Define that with crystal clarity. And know that groups don’t naturally drift that direction, so…
Engage leaders’ minds. We call this the cognitive guardrail. This includes training, your curriculum pathway and other tools you might need. We can’t obey what we don’t know, so give leaders truth(s) they can wrap their minds around. But knowing is only half the battle (thank you G.I. Joe), so…
Engage their hearts. We call this the infrastructure guardrail. Just because I know something doesn’t mean I obey it. Walking alongside group leaders is crucial, so we link them up with Community Leaders: volunteer leaders that shepherd groups. We’ve found that in nearly every group, there is a “theological police.” Someone is bothered as the truth of Scripture doesn’t match the truth that’s being discussed. And theological police are good at sounding the sirens. We in leadership just want to make sure we’re there to hear the sirens and lovingly, graciously act.
Repeat. Every system drifts toward what’s comfortable, not what’s best. The role of leadership then becomes helping groups take intentional steps toward health.

Which of these do you need to do the most work on?

This article originally appeared here.

The Style of Your Church Doesn’t Matter (Stop Judging)

By

Adam Weber

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August 20, 2017

While traveling recently, I overheard two other conference speakers talking about a nearby church in the city where the conference was held. Condescendingly they laughed and joked at some of the things this church was doing. They talked openly and intellectually about this church’s shallowness in approach. “Can you believe it?” they shared.

Ironically enough, we have a God whose Word is clear about knowing the proud from afar. A God who wants nothing to do with the religious elite who think they’re “deep” and have it all figured out. A God who isn’t impressed with “look at us” as opposed to “them.”

In their educated depth, these speakers somehow failed to see the heart of God, and in this moment they were profoundly shallow.

Educated, yet fools.

Seasoned, yet infant Christians.

Truth is, I’ve said similar things myself.

No wonder this world is often turned off by followers of Jesus.

Lord, keep us from becoming Pharisees.

Two specific things with this:

#1 One of the speakers had just given one of the most brilliant, eloquent talks I have ever heard. Ever! After overhearing the conversation, I forgot most of what was so beautifully spoken.

#2 Most of their conversation was about the style of worship at this nearby church. In their eyes, traditional worship had more substance compared to the newer, shallower church in town. I’ve heard the exact same thing said by the new church in town talking about the traditional church and its empty rituals. Heart matters. Style of worship doesn’t.

(Added #3. Just to be clear, worship and our styles of worship do matter and they are important. But they don’t matter (at all) if our heart is in the wrong place. Ex: Ps 50:13-15, Hosea 6:6, Isaiah 1:11.)

This article originally appeared here.

Seven Characteristics of a Reactionary Pastor

By

Thom Rainer

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August 20, 2017

Sometimes a church leader has to be a reactionary pastor.

There is a family tragedy. A church member walks into your office unexpectedly with a load of gripes. Your wife goes into labor.

OK, you get the point. We can’t always plan ahead. We can’t always be proactive.

But many church leaders can be more proactive. Too many of these leaders waste valuable time because they were not prepared adequately.

Allow me, then, to share from the negative perspective. Allow me to speak to the most common mistakes of reactionary pastors. Perhaps you will see yourself in one or more of these characteristics, with a prayerful hope you can make the necessary changes.

Does not look ahead. Sometimes it’s just that simple. Can you see what you will be doing next week or next month? Are you prepared? What do you need to do to get prepared? An unprepared pastor becomes a chaotic pastor.
Does not develop relationships well. Most of life and leadership is relationships. If pastors are not working intentionally to develop those relationships, they often have to take time to explain almost everything. They don’t have the trust or buy-in to lead change. They can be perceived as distant, so when an issue arises, church members may be hesitant to offer help.
Does not calendar in blocks of time. When you need to prepare a sermon or complete a project, block out the requisite time on your calendar. Reactionary leaders find themselves writing “Saturday night specials” and engaging in last minute panic attacks because they did not set aside time to prepare.
Focuses on critics. If the squeaky wheels dominate your ministry, you can be sure that your ministry will always be reactive. You make decisions out of fear instead of faith. You entertain thoughts of dead ends and impossibility because you listen to the naysayers instead of listening to the God of all possibilities.
Does not find joy in the day-to-day work of ministry. Yes, our ministry is one of labor. Yes, our ministry has its tough moments. But don’t be the reactive leader who fails to see how God is working day by day in your life, your ministry and your church.
Has a short-term perspective. A reactionary leader often doesn’t plan to stick around. Proactive leaders, to the contrary, are able to respond well in times of challenge, because they know it will be OK. It’s just a matter of time.
Does not pray for their own leadership. I can’t remember a reactionary leader who prayed for wisdom from God on a daily basis. If we truly seek God’s will, way and wisdom, we will indeed be a proactive leader.

How do you respond to these seven characteristics? Do you see yourself in three or more of them on a consistent basis? If so, you are likely a reactive leader.

But the good news is that in God’s power, you can change.

And there is no better time than right now.

This article originally appeared here.

5 Expectations That Ruin a Marriage

By

Paul Chappell

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August 20, 2017

What were your marriage expectations when you first got married? One of Terrie’s early, unspoken expectations of marriage was that I would help around the house. Shortly after we were married, we had invited company over for dinner. I noticed she was stressed with the preparations and offered to help. I was pleased with how delighted she was at my offer and silently congratulated myself on my sensitivity and kindness.

Then I rolled up my sleeves and tackled what looked to me like the biggest project—alphabetizing the bookshelf.

Although we both laugh at that incident now, it didn’t strike Terrie as funny then. But it was one of our early discoveries of how easily expectations collide in marriage.

It is expectations and misunderstandings like these that set couples up for an ongoing stream of disappointment. In marriage counseling, we almost always find that marital disappointment comes from unrealistic, and often unspoken, expectations spouses have of one another.

Of course, not all marriage expectations are wrong or unreasonable. But most of our marriage expectations are built on a spirit of pride or self-thought. If we don’t learn to recognize them, we will become embittered toward our spouse because of them.

We see unmet expectations all throughout Scripture. Sometimes they were false expectations of God and sometimes unrealistic expectations of others. But one of the classic accounts of misplaced expectations is in 2 Kings 5 where we find the Syrian captain, Naaman, going to the prophet Elisha to be healed of leprosy. Naaman arrived with a large entourage, but Elisha simply sent his servant to the door with instructions for Naaman to dip seven times in the muddy Jordan River. This perceived slight offended Naaman, who left Elisha’s house “in a rage” (anger is a classic indicator of unmet expectations). Notice Naaman’s response:

But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper. —2 Kings 5:11

Thankfully, Naaman did humble himself, follow Elisha’s instructions, and experience the miraculous healing of God. But think about his initial response: “Behold, I thought…”

Unrealistic Marriage Expectations

I’ve heard many unrealistic expectations over the years. They usually begin with the phrase, “But I thought…”

Here are several of the most common:

But I thought marriage would make me happy. It is easy, especially for people who are not yet married or who are struggling in their marriage, to turn marriage into a personal idol, believing that the “perfect spouse” is the answer to any unhappiness in life. This expectation places an incredible pressure on a spouse. No spouse is perfect, and no person can be your single source of happiness. Only Jesus can give you continuing happiness.
But I thought my spouse would meet all of my needs. Focusing on your needs can only ruin a marriage. Every husband has unique needs, as does every wife. Ephesians 5 speaks to the individual nature of each spouse’s needs as it commands wives to honor their husbands and husbands to love their wives. But don’t miss the obvious—the command to each spouse is to meet the other’s needs, not to focus on his or her own needs.
But I thought he/she would change after we got married. Marrying someone with the expectation they will become a different person after marriage is unreasonable and unfair. Marriage is not a magic change agent that transforms a person. Before you are married, your job is to be sure the person you want to marry is someone you can trust. After marriage, your job is to work to understand and love the person you married.
But I thought if I found the right one, marriage would be easy. Good marriages take effort. It requires real work to understand your spouse and honor and love him or her. A spouse who is passionate about a strong marriage thinks about his or her spouse often and constantly invests in the relationship.
But I thought good marriages never struggle. Actually, most marriages will hit a “wall.” Sometimes a couple is surprised by a season of difficulty in their marriage. This faulty expectation leads them to assume then that their marriage is already as good as gone. If, when you encounter such a season, you recognize that every difficulty can be worked through with the grace of God, biblical truth (perhaps including wise counsel) and a determination to strengthen your relationship, you’ll get through it—and be stronger for it.

When you hear yourself say, “But I just thought…” that’s a clue that you’re dealing with unmet expectations.

Our flesh tells us that the only way our unfulfilled expectations can be overcome is if our spouse will change and turn those expectations into fulfilled desires. Scripture tells us there is another way.

The journey to happiness in marriage is not one of insisting your spouse change. It is in learning to change your thoughts by letting the mind of Christ become yours.

Preaching Under Pressure

By

H.B. Charles, Jr.

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August 18, 2017

I drove to my pastor’s office to tell him I was going to resign my church. He asked what did I plan to do next? I did not have a plan. I told him I may become a talk-show host. It didn’t matter. I just wanted out! I desired to get married, finish my education, and move on with my life and ministry. I had wasted enough of my youth in congregational conflict.

My pastor told me he knew what the problem was. I just wanted to get up to preach one Sunday in peace. He warned me, however, that trouble would find me wherever I preached the Bible and lifted the name of Jesus. He encouraged me to stay put, keep preaching and do not be weary in well doing.

I heeded my pastor’s counsel. And I am glad that I did not quit, even though the conflict in my church continued for several more years. I wouldn’t trade anything for what God taught me as I preached under pressure.

On the other side of leadership challenges over the years, I believe that you have not really learned to preach until you preach through a storm. Unending sunshine creates shallow pulpits. Preaching through a storm anchors the pulpit to the tried and proven word of God.

How do you faithfully preach under the pressure that arises against your leadership, ministry or pulpit?

Preach the Word. During the darkest days of my ministry, I struggled to see my way to the pulpit. I did not feel like studying, praying or preaching. I believe this was the Enemy’s primary strategy. Waves rise from the pews to eject the preacher from the pulpit. The faithful preacher must hold the stern and preach through the storm. But avoid preaching to or about the storm, unless it is necessary. Preach the word to lead the congregation forward. Preaching through a storm introduced me to consecutive exposition. Series preaching helped me respond to the Holy Spirit’s leadership, rather than reacting to my opponents’ shenanigans.

Pray without ceasing. The disciples preached and performed wonders. Yet they asked the Lord to teach them how to pray (Luke 11:1). The disciples’ request is a dangerous request. The Lord does not teach us to pray in a classroom. He teaches us to pray on a battlefield. In the classroom, you may learn the truth about prayer. But it is on the battlefield that you learn the power of prayer. Ministerial battles show the pastor-soldier the spiritual dependence needed for effective prayer. So pray when you feel like it. Pray when you don’t feel like. And pray until you feel like it.

Guard your heart against bitterness. As I preached through a storm at my first church, a friend pleaded with me to leave, lest the experience make me a bitter young preacher. I did not feel free to leave my assignment. But my friend’s concern burdened me to unceasingly pray that God would keep me from becoming bitter. I am grateful that God answered my prayers. Stubborn sheep make cranky shepherds. If you do not guard your heart, church conflict can make the preacher angry, bitter and cynical. A boat can sail through a storm-tossed sea. But it will sink when it starts taking on water. Guard your heart.

Love your enemies. A business executive hires loyal employees. A coach recruits team players. A gang leader runs with ride-or-die partners. But the pastor must shepherd the flock the Lord redeems and places under his care. It is the Lord’s flock. We are under-shepherds who will give account to the chief shepherd. We must watch over the stubborn sheep, as well as the loyal ones. When you get bit by sheep, you are prone to become picky about who you let get close. But we must love our enemies, not just our friends. This is not only our pastoral calling, it is our Christian duty.

Be a shepherd. I went to hear a pastor who was going through conflict in his church. I knew he was in conflict, because that’s what he preached about, giving his side of the story and berating his opposition. After the service, several older women stopped me and said, “Rev. Charles, please know that he was not talking about us. We are not fighting him. We love him.” Be careful not to harm the sheep in the name of fighting the wolves. Be a shepherd. Lead and feed the flock. And remember that those whom you call wolves in sheep clothing may be sheep who have gone astray.

Believe what you preach. When I complain about my life or ministry, my wife accuses me of not listening to the sermons in church. She levels this charge, knowing that I am the one who preaches the sermons at our church. It is a stinging but needed rebuke. Preachers regularly stand in the pulpit and challenge the congregation to trust God no matter what. It is much easier to preach what you believe than it is to believe what you preach. But pressure-filled seasons of ministry require you to put your faith where your pulpit is and trust God no matter what.

Do not preach. One Sunday morning, my father was blind-sided by the news that his Minister of Music resigned. It was not the resignation that bothered him so much. It was the fact that his new chairman withheld the news from him. My father felt betrayed. And with his sermon manuscript sitting in front of him, he asked one of the associates to preach. “I am too angry,” he said. “The Lord cannot use me this morning.” Watching this taught me more than any sermon he would have preached that day. Sometimes the best way to preach under pressure is to not preach.

This article originally appeared here.

What Lies Beyond Your Fear

By

Lisa Bevere

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August 18, 2017

For the first 10 years of my marriage, I struggled with the fear of abandonment. My father and my first pastor had both left their wives for younger women. Because of what I had experienced, I allowed fearful thoughts to linger unchecked in my mind. They didn’t yell; they whispered, Eventually all men leave. Don’t let them get too close. Then they can’t disappoint you. This kind of thinking caused me to even resist small displays of affection. When John hugged me, it wasn’t long before I’d start patting him so I could pull away.

One day after one of my “pat-and-pull-aways,” John asked me point blank, “How long will we have to be together before you realize I’m not going to leave you? Are you going to wait until we’re 70?” I was stunned.

“I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he continued, “but we’re going to miss out on a lot of fun in the meantime.”

I realized I was making John pay for the disappointments I had with other men. I thought, Why should John have to pay for their shortcomings? That’s not fair. In an effort to protect myself, I am sabotaging our relationship. My fear of losing John in the future was robbing both of us in the present. I decided then that I would rather love John completely, even at the risk of losing him, than love him halfway and look back with regrets on what might have been.

Fear and distrust keep us from thriving in marriage, for fear tenaciously clings to the past while refusing to believe something better can arise in the future. If we want God to do a new thing in our marriages, we must choose to abandon fear and accept what love would forecast for our futures. Fear expects failure, while love ultimately can never fail.

Fear is a spiritual force in direct opposition to God’s love and protection in our lives. It is the opposite of love, for both love and fear operate from believe in the unseen. Love challenges us to doubt what we see and believe for what we cannot. Fear urges us to believe what is seen and doubt the unseen. When faced with the fear of failure or the hope of love, we can choose to believe one or the other, but never both. Fear displaces love; love casts out fear.

…Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. (1 John 4:18–19)

Love’s ability to transform is greater than fear’s ability to ensnare. The perfect love that expels fear is only found in the experience of God’s love. Through the power of His love, we can forsake concern for self, because we know that God will faithfully tend to our needs. But if we don’t spend time in God’s presence, we cannot have an intimate knowledge of His loving nature; for His faithfulness manifests in His presence.

Without knowledge of God’s true nature, we will live in constant fear of abandonment by Him or by spouses, which is a twisted form of punishment. As we grow more and more secure in God’s love for us, we can become free from fear and offer selfless love to our spouses.

…Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4:7–8)

The stronghold of fear is what causes us to say things like, “If my spouse ever cheats on me, I will never forgive him.” Such vows, which are intended to shield us in the future, keep us from embracing the power of God’s love today. We must learn to trust God to care for our hearts, even if a spouse wounds, rejects or betrays us. God has asked us to surrender our fears to Him. Refusal to do so tells God we don’t believe He is capable of directing our lives. We cannot submit to Jesus’ lordship without surrendering our fears.

What fears are you holding on to? Dear one, let them go and watch the love of God transform you from the inside out and free you to step into your destiny. On the other side of your fear, you will discover the life you so deeply long for.

This article originally appeared here.

Suicide: Tragic Killer of Our Youth (and What You Can Do About It)

By

Kurt Bubna

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August 18, 2017

When I read the recent story of an 11-year-old boy named Tysen who hanged himself, it broke my heart.

He eventually died from his self-inflicted injury.

The news reported that Tysen had killed himself after receiving text messages that led him to believe his girlfriend had committed suicide. As it turned out, reports of the girl’s death were a prank, a costly hoax that ended tragically.

There’s nothing funny about suicide.

More teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, birth defects, heart disease, pneumonia and influenza—combined. In fact, suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10-24 (2015 CDC WISQARS). One source reports that for students in grades 7-12 there are over 5,000 suicide attempts each day in our nation. Let that number sink in for a moment… That’s over 200 attempts every hour of every day.

Sadly, the hardest funeral I’ve ever had to preside over was for a teenage girl who took her life because she thought she was ugly. Too often I’ve sat with parents trying to make sense of a teen’s attempt to commit suicide.

The numbers are staggering. The stories are devastating. But the battle for the lives of our youth is not hopeless.

Here are six things a parent can do:

1. First and foremost, maintain a family environment of unconditional love and acceptance. There should never be a moment, let alone a day, when your child wonders if anybody truly loves them. On a regular basis, tell your child, “I love you with all of my heart, and I’m proud to call you my kid!”

2. Model a life of meaningful relationship with God. Help your child learn to take their pain and struggle to the Father. I’m not saying religion is a cure-all, but genuine faith provides a context for hope and a connection to the One who has the answer to life’s greatest problems.

3. Have daily conversations that help build and maintain an open channel of communication. At dinner time, say, “Tell me about your high and your low for the day.” Listen for signs of hopelessness and discouragement. By the way, listen far more than you talk. Kids don’t want a parental lecture, but they do need a safe place to share their feelings and their fears. Don’t be afraid to talk about difficult and uncomfortable subjects such as bullying, pranking, sex and suicide. A child is more likely to have hope when they feel loved, heard and understood.

4. Teach your kids that their words matter. The power of life and death truly are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). No parent can always protect a child from bullies who say and do mean things, but no parent should ever tolerate it when their child is the bully. Of course, your words as a parent matter too (even when you think your child isn’t listening), so speak positively into the soul of your child every day.

5. Make sure your child has a “circle of four,” meaning at least four adults who are providing a godly and encouraging influence in his or her life. Teens need the active involvement of several adults besides a parent, such as a coach, a teacher, a scout leader, and a youth leader or pastor. These adults provide support, a listening ear, and a model for life that has powerful potential.

6. Seek professional help if needed. As science advances and our understanding of the human body grows, it is more common and less of a stigma for people to face the physical and mental causes of depression. Hormonal imbalance and mental health issues significantly complicate the lives of many. Please take your child, without fear or embarrassment, to seek professional help if you even suspect “something else” is going on. The right medication and the right therapist can literally change a life for good.

One more thing I must mention. You can do everything right and still see everything go terribly wrong. I have friends who have lost a child to suicide. I have stood at a graveside with wonderful parents who raised an amazing yet struggling child, and the number one question that plagues them is Could we have done more?

I don’t have simple answers to complex situations. I don’t pretend to understand what it’s like to lose a child through suicide.

Here’s what I do know:

Love every moment you have with your son or daughter and embrace their life as a gift from God.
Do your best, but openly admit to all—including your kids—I’m far from perfect. (It’s OK. You’re in good company.)
Reject shame because it never leads to anything good. You can live free in Christ.
Get help. We are all broken. We all struggle. We all need support. It’s time to stop hiding in the shadows. Don’t put off finding the support you and your child need.
Cry out to the Father who is, and always will be, close to the brokenhearted and crushed.

Suicide is a serious issue and one that must be openly faced if we are to stem the tide of this growing tragedy in our culture.

So, live in hope, model hope and pray for hope.

Lives are in the balance.

This article originally appeared here.

No Such Thing As a Millennial

By

Shane Pruitt

-

August 17, 2017

Let’s get ride of Millennial stereotypes. According to the Bible, There Is No Such thing as a Millennial – Shane Pruitt – @shane_pruitt78

Many of my friends, colleagues and I are making a living right now speaking, writing and coaching ministries, churches and businesses on how to “reach Millennials.” It’s definitely a hot topic of the day. Personally, I deeply enjoy speaking on reaching the next generation. However, here recently I’ve been opening my talks and breakouts with this statement, “In the Kingdom of God, there is no such thing as a Millennial. That is a man-made term with a man-made definition.”

So, according to man-made definitions, what is a Millennial? Most researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from 1980 to the early 2000s. Generations that precede this generation are as follows – Generation X (1965 – 1980), Baby Boomers (1946 – 1964), The Silent Generation (1925 – 1945), The Greatest Generation (1901 – 1924), and so on. The generation that is following the Millennials is Generation Z (2001 – ?). However, like I said above, these are man-made names and descriptions. What I mean by this is that the only reason we have them is because we made them up. Don’t get me wrong. I realize that cultural shifts, advancements in technology and ever-changing family dynamics cause people to act, think and believe differently than their parents and grandparents did. In fact, I wrote on this previously in an article, called 10 Common Views of Millennials.

Millennial Stereotypes

Sadly, I also believe that we all too often allow culture, generational names and definitions to define our actions in a negative light. For example, there was a “reality” TV show not too long ago that placed Millennials versus Generation X’ers in a survival competition. Several of the young Millennial girls who refused to work used the excuse, “You know how us Millennials are. We don’t like to work hard!” Well, who told them that? Who made them believe that there was a whole generation that didn’t like to work hard? Culture told them that. Culture encourages Millennial stereotypes.

Think about what the media calls them today—“snowflakes” and “buttercups.” A whole generation is being told that they’re overly sensitive, whiners and unprepared to respond when someone disagrees with them. However, I strongly believe that these misleading articles, interviews and definitions are causing generations to surrender to how culture defines them rather than how Creator God defines them.

Plus, it’s a flat-out lie. I speak to tens of thousands of young adults and students every year; and for every one person out there that fits the “Millennial stereotypes” seen on TV, I’ve met a hundred others that are hard workers, driven, ambitious and are changing the world around them for the better.

Thankfully, according to the Bible, there is no such thing as a Millennial or any other generational name! The Scriptures don’t recognize Boomers, Generation X, Millennials or Generation Z. The Word of God only speaks about people, who are made in the image of God—“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them (Genesis 1:27).” Some of these people are older, and some are younger.

It doesn’t take long to realize that some of the very things that are being said about Millennials today are the very same things that were said about previous generations. “The now generation has now become the ME generation (NEW YORK TIMES 1976 about Boomers).” “They have trouble making decisions. They would rather hike in the Himalayas than climb a corporate ladder. They crave entertainment, but their attention span is as short as one zap of a TV dial. They postpone marriage because they dread divorce (TIME MAGAZINE 1990 about Generation X).” Instead of a generation being characterized by certain generalities, maybe there is just something to be said about being young. When you’re young, you’re going to act immaturely and make mistakes, stumbling through life as you attempt to figure out what God has called you to do. Oh, how we could all count the ways that we did things in our youth that we later regretted, but somehow, the sovereign Lord used those experiences to shape and mold us into the people we are today. However, just like previous generations, prayerfully, youth turns into maturity with age and experience. Then, if history proves itself, that generation most likely will complain about the next. Believe me, Millennials will also grow old one day, and will worry about the future of the world because of how 21-year-olds will look and act at that time.

People need Jesus—not Millennials, but people—young and old alike who are made in the image of God and are in desperate need of the gospel and discipleship. Whether, you’re born in 1964, 1984 or 2004, you came into this world as a sinner who is going to make lots of mistakes, possibly be a little spoiled and definitely in desperate need of a Savior. However, that is exactly what God offers to every generation—His own Son: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).”

Then, of course, this call to salvation will also propel people into sanctification through discipleship. What is discipleship? Christian discipleship is the journey by which we grow in the knowledge and wisdom of Jesus and His Word through the power of the Holy Spirit to live in this present world in a Christ-like way that will attract others to want to know our Heavenly Father. Thankfully, the model of discipleship for people has already been laid out in Titus 2, where the older men are encouraged to teach the younger men and older women are encouraged to teach the younger women, all with the goal of helping them grow in wisdom.

So, maybe as the church, it’s time for us to stop falling into the definitional traps and generalizations of generations, and start walking in the truths of how Scripture views all ages, as people! Instead of complaining about the future generations, let’s do what the Bible commands us to do—love God, love people and make disciples.

The future generations are not projects that need more gimmicks from the church; they are people in desperate need of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

“Text SHANE to 444999 to receive my FREE downloadable Devotional eBook”

This article about Millennial stereotypes originally appeared here.

The Grunt and the Gurgle: How Boys and Girls Are Different

By

Parent Cue

-

August 17, 2017

Have you noticed yet that parenting a boy is very different than parenting a girl? Turns out that they’re wired differently, from birth. And one of the ways they are different is in the way they communicate.

From birth, both boys and girls like to grunt and gurgle. The difference is that girls prefer people to interact with while boys are equally happy to chatter away at abstract geometric designs. The male brain is wired for activity while the female brain is biased toward a relationship. One study involving 2- to 4-day-old babies showed that baby boys spent 50 percent less time holding eye contact with an adult than baby girls. She is wired for relationship. It’s not that he can’t do relationship, but he engages relationship in a different way.

In her book You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen labels the differences in communications styles of females and males as “rapport” talk and “report” talk. According to Tannen, females use conversation to maintain intimacy, develop rapport and increase connection. Males, on the other hand, talk to establish independence, build status and deliver data.

This shows up on nonverbal communication as well. When females talk to each other, they generally stand close together, maintain eye contact and gesture frequently. Males typically keep a greater distance, avoid eye contact and gesture much less often. The differences go on and on.

So, as parents, let’s consider these differences as we think about ways to engage and communicate with our children. Here are some ideas to think about on how to communicate in way that engages boys and girls best.

FOR BOYS

1. TALK TO HIM AROUND A TASK.

Build Legos, stack blocks, craft objects from wood, shoot hoops, play catch or walk the family dog. Boys have some of their best conversations side by side rather than face to face. Eye contact can actually feel threatening to boys and we end up with less access to them rather than more.

2. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEDTIME.

The window between winding down and sleep is an advantageous window to get access to a boy. His emotional defenses are down and we can have some of our best conversations with him while rubbing his head, scratching his back or just laying next to him in the dark. Again, we are able to avoid eye contact in a way that often feels safe to him.

3. LEARN TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

Boys take a certain amount of decoding. Throughout his development, he will question his abilities, his ranking in the pecking order of the boy world, his identity and his purpose. We want to watch for moments where we see evidence of his questioning or doubting himself in his behavior. By 9-10 his brain will instinctively begin to channel all primary emotions (sadness, fear, disappointment) into one emotion—anger. When he melts down and starts hitting or throwing objects over losing a game, missing an important goal or not being invited to a birthday party, we’ll have to help him put words to his experience so he learns to better articulate himself.

FOR GIRLS

Girls, on the other hand, articulate themselves quite well—from an early age. The hippocampus, which is the region of the brain related to memory function, is much more developed in your school-age daughter than her brother of the same age. Therefore, your 3rd grader will get in the car after school and download to you every detail of her day: from what the teacher was wearing, to every time she called on her, to who played with whom at recess, and who was left out of it all.

Much of her memory and her communication will be emotionally based. From the earliest stages of her development, your daughter is an extremely intuitive and passionate little creature. Every bit of her relationship with you and those around her will reflect the depth of feeling she experiences.

1. HELP HER FOCUS.

Because of the complexity of her memory and emotions, a girl will often need help getting to the heart of what she’s trying to say. She begins with one story about one friend and, 30 minutes later, is talking about that friend’s cousin’s friend’s dog, who is sick. Summarizing is a very important skill in the life of a girl, and one that you have a unique voice in helping her develop. Over the years, she will have countless boys in her class tell her to “Stop talking” or even more bluntly, “Shut up.” She’ll have girls who’ll tell her what she’s saying is stupid. Those children will not, in any way, be acting out of her best interest. But you are. She knows that you love and are for her. It helps to remind her of that often. And, as you do, you can give her guidelines in her story-telling. “I’m a little lost in the details. Can you summarize that for me?” is a gracious way to help her focus, although she’ll need a lesson on what summarizing means in the beginning. Then, at the end of the conversation, you can add your own version of a summary, “So, when Ryan was pushed out of the swing today at school, everyone laughed and it made you sad.” As you repeat this process for her in different ways over time, she’ll come to understand that all of the details aren’t necessarily…necessary.

2. DIAL DOWN THE DRAMA.

To even understand what she’s saying to you, she will often need to dial down the drama. She will regularly use phrases like, “She’s the meanest girl in the whole school!” or “I have never been as mad in my entire life!” Everything will end with an exclamation mark. In these moments, her descriptions often have more to do with drama than what she really is feeling. Anger can hide hurt feelings and genuine sadness lurking underneath. Clarifying questions like, “Tell me what happened?” and “What did you do next?” can help her start with the facts of the situation. Then, she can talk about her feelings in a way that you are able to hear her heart and offer the support she needs, without the distracting drama.

3. LISTEN FOR WAYS TO AFFIRM HER.

Girls are profoundly hard on themselves. In our counseling offices, we hear stories of girls as young as pre-schoolers who call themselves fat or stupid. And, as adolescence looms, those feelings of insecurity just get stronger. Again, as a parent, you have a voice in your daughter’s (or son’s) life like no one else. She needs you to affirm her. She needs you to call out the good and the strengths that you see in her. As she gets older, tell her the ways you admire her.

Your son and daughter communicate differently. But, as you learn to listen through the grunt and the gurgle, you will hear not only what they say, but the truth of who they are. That kind of listening is a gift, and one that will strengthen your relationship for a lifetime.

i Moir, Anne and Jessel, David.
Brain Sex: The real difference between men and women
Dell Publishing, New York, 1992.

SISSY GOFF, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP, spends most of her days talking with girls and their families as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee. A sought-after speaker, Sissy is the author of a video curriculum called Raising Boys and Girls, as well as six books including Intentional Parenting; The Back Door to Your Teen’s Heart; Raising Girls, and Modern Parents, Vintage Values. Sissy is also a frequent guest and contributor to media shows and publications such as Moody Midday Connection, the Chat with Priscilla Shirer, as well as Today’s Christian Woman and Parenting Teens magazines. You can find her at RaisingBoysAndGirls.com.

DAVID THOMAS, LMSW, is a family therapist, the co-author of seven books, including the best-selling Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, a frequent guest on national television and radio, a regular contributor to ParentLife magazine, and speaks across the country. His video curriculum, Raising Boys and Girls: The Art of Understanding the Differences, is currently available, as is his newest book, Are My Kids on Track? The 12 Emotional, Social and Spiritual Milestones Your Child Needs to Reach. You can find him blogging about all things related to kids at raisingboysandgirls.com. He and his wife, Connie, have a daughter, and three Wild Things (twin sons and a feisty yellow lab named Owen).

This article originally appeared here.

A Good Worship Leader Does This for the Worship Team

By

Worship Cohort

-

August 17, 2017

The Bible is littered with passages of protection. We see how those who call on God will also have His hand of protection upon them. We find that those who protect wisdom have life. We also see word pictures of shepherds protecting their flocks.

As pastors of the church, one of our chief responsibilities is to protect our flock. More specifically, to protect your worship team.

We’ve all seen it before haven’t we? Church folks can be critical, opinionated and quite honestly rude. I’ve seen team members leave churches because they were being criticized week in and week out by church members, and even at times, church leaders.

Perhaps you’ve dealt with comments like these:

The drums are way too loud!
The lights are too bright.
The lights are too dark.
I prefer hymns. I prefer modern songs.
The motion backgrounds are too busy.
We need better motion backgrounds.
The music’s too loud …

And the list could go on and on. We have a somewhat simple yet complex job to perform don’t we?

People pleasers and iron fists

So what’s the proper response to some of the above situations? How should the pastors and leaders of the church react to these criticisms?

One danger that will always be present is the tendency to try to please the people. Of course, we all know that this is an impossible thing to do because as soon as you concede to one person’s opinion, you immediately cross the person standing right behind them.

Our ministries, our churches, cannot effectively and faithfully be led by attempting to please the people. Of course we should stop, listen and try to understand their concerns, we absolutely should because most of the time they are just needing to be heard. *I said most of the time, not all of the time! They really just want to know that you are listening.

Now, on the flip side are those who lead without any care or concern for the people. They have an agenda, they know what’s best and they simply don’t have time to hear the critics. And while I understand, we cannot simply just run over people. We are called to love, pastor and listen to our congregations.

The balance between

There is a balance between the two. We can listen to the concerns and criticisms of our people without running them over and without bowing to their every desire. I believe I learned this at one time in a college counseling class and it goes something like this:

Listen > Empathize > Communicate

Or that’s at least my adaptation. As I mentioned earlier, most of our people just want to be heard. They want to know that they have a voice and that you care. So take a moment to listen to them, repeat back to them their concern, and then communicate your next steps or why (vision) you are leading the way you are.

For instance, if someone is concerned about the overall volume of your worship team, you have a great opportunity to explain and share the vision of the church and ministry. You could explain that your team and sound person are always measuring the decibel level and are actively making adjustments. And you can take it even further and explain that we’re trying to create a level where those who are somewhat timid to sing feel comfortable blending in while simultaneously keeping it at a decent level where folks can hear themselves.

The main point here is that you should always have a reason for the things you do. You should always be able to answer the ‘why’ of your vision. “Because we’ve always done it this way” is never a valid reason …

Our people are our main resource. They are the backbone of the church. The people, through God’s grace, are what keeps the church moving. Without these committed servants, the church would fold.

So as a pastor speaking to other pastors and worship leaders…protect your team. Pray for your team. And listen to your people.

This article originally appeared here.

Why Go to Church?

1. “You are a great sinner, but he is a greater Saviour.”

2. “As far as God is concerned your sin has ceased to be.”

3. “God is more ready to forgive than I am ready to offend.”

4. “It is the church that is unmerciful sometimes, but not the Master: He is ever willing to receive us when we come to him.”

5. “If Christ was cursed for you, you cannot be cursed again.”

6. “He could not love us more than that if we had never fallen.”

7. “In the family register of glory the small and the great are written with the same pen.”

8. “He is not the God of the hills only, but of the valleys also.”

9. “Your sins are so gone that they cannot be laid to your charge.”

10. “I am forgiven, I am forgiven, I am forgiven!”

11. “When a man believes in Christ, he is in that moment, in God’s sight, as though he had never sinned in all his life.”

12. “Until God can change or lie, he never will bring to mind again the sin of that man whom he hath pardoned.”

13. “Just before I die sanctification will be finished.”

A Final Word

Here are some of our favorite fall outreach ideas.

Take a Next Step With Fall Outreach

Why Aren’t People Singing in Church?

The Men Are Not Singing

The Church Has Given the Singing Over to the Professionals

The Hymns Have Been Replaced With Lighter Praise Songs

Families Are Not Singing at Home

People Get Lost in the Repetition, Progression and Climax

Media Distractions

Our Facebook Comments Reveal Our Hearts

Watch Your Tongue!

The Bible’s Rules for Facebook Comments

1. Control Your Emotions.

2. Control Your Reaction.

3. Control Your Goal.

4. Control Your Focus.

Worship Leader Tips

1. Teach the people how to respond in worship.

2. The posture guides the heart.

3. Your people need a pastor, not a performer.

4. Talk with your pastor about what you’re trying to do.

5. It’s not illegitimate to take audience mood into consideration.

6. Don’t say embarrassing things.

Unrealistic Marriage Expectations

Millennial Stereotypes

FOR BOYS

1. TALK TO HIM AROUND A TASK.

2. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEDTIME.

3. LEARN TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

FOR GIRLS

1. HELP HER FOCUS.

2. DIAL DOWN THE DRAMA.

3. LISTEN FOR WAYS TO AFFIRM HER.

Perhaps you’ve dealt with comments like these:

People pleasers and iron fists

The balance between

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**The Hymns Have Been Replaced With Lighter Praise Songs**