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12 Things Not To Say in a Small Group

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You’ve been leading a small group for a while now. You know everyone’s names. You picked out just the right curriculum. You know the crazy-busy-clean-your-house-like-you-live-dust-free-all-the-time hustle and bustle.

And you know what to say. You’ve memorized every popular catch phrase like a boss.

  • “We’re here to do life together.”
  • “Come as you are.”
  • “We’re better together.”
  • “PTL!”
  • “God is good…(pause for dramatic effect)…all the time. And…(pause for dramatic effect)…all the time, God is good.”
  • “Sometimes you just gotta let go. And let God.”

So you know what to say. Kind of.

But last week, you said something, and when you did, you noticed a look. That look that says, “Umm…why did you say that? Did you really mean that? Because I thought this place was safe? I thought I could be honest here? I thought I could be myself? I thought you loved and respected me?”

You know what you should say. You know what you need to talk about, but you’re not so clear on what you shouldn’t say.

I think I can help, because I’ve seen these statements wreck the community we’re all striving for in a small group.

12 Things Not to Say in a Small Group

1. Well, that was sure a dumb question.

Don’t ever say this or anything that sounds like you’re critiquing someone for a question they asked. There are no dumb questions.

Repeat that after me.

There are no dumb questions.

Now that we’ve covered that…

2. Will you pray out loud?

To which you say, “Wait, Ben, are you saying our groups shouldn’t pray?” To which I’d respond, “Of course not!” To which you’d say, “Then what the heck are you saying?”

Should we really make it the goal of our groups for everyone to pray out loud? Think with me for a minute. Who were the people in Scripture that got in trouble (oh, yes they did) for praying? The ones that prayed out loud for others to hear.

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” —Jesus, Matthew 6:5-6

Praying out loud isn’t necessarily a mark of spiritual growth. Help people to pray. But don’t force people to pray out loud. Most will hate you for it because they’re deathly afraid of voicing their intimate conversations with God in front of you.

3. Well, in the original Greek…

Stop. Just stop. We’re not impressed with you. Or, if we are impressed with you, is that what you really want?

4. Will you look up Ezekiel 18:14?

Make it a little easier. Say something like, “Let’s turn to Ezekiel 18:14, on page 568.” Or, go ahead and make it a lot easier by saying, “Just get out your phones and open your Bible app.”

5. The Bible is difficult enough to obey.

Let’s not put a barrier between our groups and obedience.

God Forgives Because God Is Faithful

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Grace is such a tough concept for us to embrace.

It’s simple enough to define—God’s undeserved favor—but nearly impossible to internalize for most people.

We know that God’s forgiveness can’t be deserved or earned, and yet we keep our distance from God because of our inability to deserve or earn his forgiveness.

We wind up keeping our distance from God because our focus is still on ourselves rather than on his faithful, forgiving nature. But the Apostle John declares, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Notice this: God doesn’t forgive us of our sins because we confess them. He forgives us, in response to our confession, because HE is faithful and just.

Our confession—literally, our agreement with God that our sin is offensive—is a prerequisite to experiencing his cleansing power, but our confession doesn’t actually earn or merit his forgiveness. Forgiveness simply flows out of the goodness of God who is always true to his own nature.

He is faithful to keep his word, so when he offers forgiveness, he follows through. And he is just in that he always honors the good news of Jesus.

It takes humility to recognize that God’s grace and forgiveness are dependent on his goodness and not ours.

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission. 

7 Things All Growing Churches Have in Common

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Once a month at Sun Valley Community Church (the church I have the privilege of serving at) we gather all of our staff from all of our campuses to have some fun, celebrate wins, keep everybody on the same page and oftentimes do some leadership development training. Last week, Chad Moore, who serves as the lead pastor at Sun Valley, shared the seven things that all growing churches have in common.

I thought these may be helpful to you in your local church context:

  • Church is not a building that you come to, it’s a movement that you choose to be a part of to help people meet, know and follow Jesus.
  • You can’t come to church because you are the church.
  • To get the right answers about church, you have to ask the right questions.
  • The book of Acts is all about how the early church acted.

7 Things All Growing Churches Have in Common

1. Passionate and Proficient leaders

The starting point for any movement is highly competent leaders who are deeply committed leaders to the cause. Without highly competent leaders, the church will prematurely hit a leadership capacity lid. Without deeply committed leaders, the church will be stunted due to leadership turnover when things get too difficult.

2. Clearly Defined Vision and Goals

Jesus gave the early church a clear vision to get this movement going in Acts 1:8—we don’t have to make up the mission (why we exist) of the church. But we do get to lean into the vision (where we are going next) of the church. Most churches just say things like, “We are just going to follow the Spirit.” Which sounds really spiritual but is usually code for, “We don’t know where we’re going or what we’re doing.” Most churches forget that planning is spiritual, Proverbs is in the Bible too and God has a plan…He’s not just winging it. Hope is not a strategy; if you don’t have a target you’ll hit it every time.

3. Culture That Supports the Vision and Strategy

Culture is the soft squishy stuff that most organizations have a difficult time clearly defining. Culture is how the people in the organization think and feel, what they value, and how they actually behave. Regardless of what’s written on the wall, it’s what’s happening down the hall. Of all the things that a leader does, the most important is what the leader does to protect and fuel the culture.

7 Things They Didn’t Teach You in Seminary About Funerals

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Performing funerals is a reality of being the pastor of a church of any size and style. Even if your church is primarily filled with young people, from time to time you will be called upon by families to perform a funeral.

These moments, while incredibly touching, can feel somewhat routine for pastors who perform funeral services on a regular basis. For families, a funeral may be one of the most memorable days of their lives as they say goodbye to a loved one, reconcile with that person’s life, or reflect on their own mortality, whereas pastors may view a funeral as something scheduled on a Tuesday afternoon between everything else they’re doing ministry-wise.

Chances are you didn’t have much conversation during your seminary training about how to guide a family through a funeral. The topic of funerals never came up the entire time I was training for ministry. This is somewhat disorienting when you consider that they will be an inevitable part of most pastors’ and ministry leaders’ lives at some point, so I want to share seven things they didn’t teach you in seminary about funerals.

Ask lots of questions in order to understand the culture.

Funerals are one area where you need to lead with questions.

Talk to the family about what it is that they’re looking for. Talk to the funeral directors about local customs or things you should be aware of in that community. Talk with other local pastors about what they’ve learned about the regional etiquette around funerals. Be inquisitive in your preparation.

If you’re wondering about anything regarding funerals, you’ll need to reach out and ask those questions.

Less is more.

I know you may be tempted to build the most compelling message that you’ve ever made about the life eternal to present to funeral guests; however, it’s been my experience that less is more.

Make sure that you honor the deceased and his or her family, and certainly point people to Jesus, but don’t add so many extra elements to the service that you risk things going sideways.

Help the family find the most elegant and straightforward service order that meets their needs and gently encourage them to streamline what takes place at the funeral.

You’ll be tempted to short the truth.

A theology professor of mine once said that you won’t really know what you think about the ultimate realities until you’re faced with a difficult funeral. Funerals have a way of both pulling at our beliefs and clarifying what we really believe. It’s one thing to talk about what you believe in a seminary dorm room over a Coke, but it’s a whole other thing when you sit across the table from a family that’s asking real questions of ultimate consequence.

In that moment, you’ll be tempted to soften your beliefs or ignore what you have thought for years. Don’t punish yourself for thinking this way. Give yourself some grace but seek to declare the truth in the midst of a difficult time. Obviously, you should do this in a loving and caring way, but don’t be surprised if you find an internal temptation to soften the truth.

The money thing is weird.

Compensation for your services needs to be addressed. This is one of those areas where having an assistant can be a real gift because your assistant can inform the family that there is a small financial compensation for the pastor performing these services.

If you don’t have an assistant to tackle that detail on your behalf, be ready to answer if someone in your church asks you what it costs to have you perform a service. If you don’t plan on asking for something, that’s fine and noble; however, if you are planning on asking for a small remuneration for your time, that’s perfectly acceptable—just make sure to be clear and upfront about it. Some churches have policies about these finances.

It would be wise to think about that conversation before someone even asks you instead of being surprised one day when someone from your church suddenly asks you to perform a family funeral.

Expect the unexpected.

A simple search on the Internet yields all kinds of shenanigans that have taken place during funerals. In fact, like any aspect of our career, things can sometimes go awry. It’s our job to remain cool and calm in the midst of a tough scenario, even if it’s slightly comical or emotionally charged, and to continue to facilitate an honest and honorable experience for the family.

This can be true with the local funeral directors who sometimes have an offbeat sense of humor. I’m giving you a heads up that sometimes things can go a bit sideways. Being aware of that potentiality ahead of time will help you keep things on track in the moment if you are faced with the unexpected.

Call three friends to get their plan.

The best thing you could do after reading this article would be to call three other ministry friends who are significantly older or more experienced than you and ask them how they handle funerals. They will, undoubtedly, have a few funeral messages and probably some words of service that they have found particularly helpful over the years.

Having a quick conversation with them can help bridge the communication gap that can happen during your first interactions with families; these families are looking for you to lead in these moments. They assume that you’ve led a number of funeral services even if you haven’t. By simply articulating options and next steps with a calm confidence and certainty, you can provide a meaningful service as well as comfort to so many families.

Do for one what you wish you could do for all.

Funerals are one of those times when our schedules slow down, and we get the opportunity to interact with one family. It doesn’t take long when listening to people’s stories within a church before you hear about a pastor’s positive impact during a funeral.

Families will share about how a pastor spent time, effort and energy to care for them during some of their darkest days. Taking time to love on families in their season of grief can be a wonderful and beautiful way to express Jesus’ love for our neighbors.

I’m guessing that if you’re like me, what you learned about conducting funerals came from practical application and not the seminary classroom. I hope these few tips about dealing with funerals have been helpful for you.

This article originally appeared here.

Bored With the Gospel?

Bored with the Gospel
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Over the past decade a floodwater of cultural change in our country has occurred, leaving a massive impact on the church in America. Movements and organizations spring up almost as fast as they whither. The leaders of many social and para-ecclesial syndicates wish to influence in the church in such a way that the church will embrace the obligations they press on her.

When I sit back and read the deluge of thoughts and opinions online about what the church ought to be doing, I sense a noticeable lack of focus on the gospel. In the many ways, it is easily discernible in twitter rants that recur on a daily basis that there is a discernible deficiency with regard to Scripture and the gospel. Any intellectually honest assessment of the content of so much that is bandied about on the internet must necessarily lead to the conclusion that people are bored with the gospel.

When we turn to the Scriptures, we get everything necessary for life and godliness. We hear God’s voice in Scripture. “The Holy Spirit says,” “The Spirit said through,” and “As the Spirit says,” are some of the most commonly used introductions to Old Testament citations in the New Testament. The whole of the Bible is the whole of God’s Word. It is God speaking by the Holy Spirit to the church. The church is perfected by the washing of the water of the word and the proclamation of the whole counsel of God given by those men God has called and equipped to faithfully preach and teach the gospel. Christ is the only head of the church; and, as such, is the sole authority for how the church is to function in the world.

Jesus is also the great High Priest of his church and the perfect sacrifice for the salvation of the souls of His people. The central message of Scripture is the message of the gospel—the good news of what God has done through the death and resurrection of Jesus for the salvation of his people.

Surely, the message of the cross impacts more than simply the forgiveness of the sins of an individual; but, it is not less than that. In fact, whenever the gospel in preached by the apostles, that is the central message of the cross. Does the Kingdom of God include the Christian’s work in the world, in his or her neighborhoods and in schools? Of course. In the broader sense in which the Scripture speaks of the Kingdom of God.

However, in the narrow sense, it is the local church in her worship and witness to which Scripture speaks when it refers to the Kingdom of God. It is the rule of the crucified and risen Christ in the hearts of his people that is a manifestation of the Kingdom. How does this Kingdom come to bear in the church and in the world? Through the proclamation of Jesus as the only Savior of sinners.

The message of the gospel ought to permeate our worship services, witness and deeds of love and mercy. In the means of grace (i.e. the Word of God, the sacraments and prayer), the gospel is front and center.

The Apostle Paul declared, in no uncertain terms, that he “determined not to know anything among the people of God other than Christ and him crucified” (1 Cor. 2:2). The Apostle gave the Spirit-revealed center of the church’s message when he said, “Him we proclaim, warning every man and teaching every man that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.”

When certain individuals were preaching Christ in Philippi with the hope that they would provoke and add to Paul’s affliction (since the apostle happened to be in prison for the Gospel at the time and was not able to preach to the people in the church), he responded in the following way: “Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice” (Phil. 1:18).

When he wanted to encourage the spiritual growth of the members in the church in Colosse, Paul explained, “This you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and increasing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth” (Col. 1:5-6).

When he wanted to encourage the godly leadership of husbands and the godly submission of wives in Christian marriage, he wrote,

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-32).

The Religious Life of Gen Z

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At the beginning of the 20th century, sociologist Max Weber prophesied that religion-less modernity would become unbearable for secular society. He predicted the emergence of what he called late modernity, a period in which people embraced a kind of polytheism, hybridizing their spirituality by welding together different beliefs and practices in an attempt to find enchantment in the midst of bland secularism.

He might have been right.

Deakin University recently published their Worldviews of Generation Z report, based on research done with Australians aged 13-18.

Up until its release, most social commentators have tended to assume that young people are largely apathetic when it comes to religion. But the Deakin researchers found that some of this had to do with how we’ve been asking teens about religion. When confronted with traditional surveys that ask them to identify themselves as Catholic Christian, Protestant Christian, Muslim, Hindu, etc, teens are nonplussed. The Deakin team found that these fixed ideas of religious identity are no longer applicable to young people.

Instead, Deakin used contemporary theories of religious diversity, and asked teens about six different spirituality “types” — this worldly, indifferent, spiritual not religious, seekers, nominally religious, religiously committed. Their results looked like this:

Far from being disinterested, the study found “that young people negotiate their worldview identities in complex, critical and caring ways that are far from ambivalent, and that are characterised by hybridity and questioning.”

If you’re wondering what hybridity looks like, read this quote by international model, Miranda Kerr, as she describes her religious outlook:

“I’m not Buddhist. I’m Christian. I pray every day. I meditate every day and I do yoga. I’m not religious, I’m spiritual. And praying is something my grandmother taught me as well. To pray and be grateful, have gratitude, is a big thing for me. I like to pray and I like to meditate. Doing just three minutes of prayer and a minimum of five minutes meditation twice a day sets the tone – like an arrow so that you’re hitting your target. When I pray I always thank Mother Nature for all the beauty in the world; it’s about having an attitude of gratitude. And then I pray to Christ to say, ‘Thank you for this day and my family and my health,’ and now that I’m older I’ve added, ‘Please illuminate me. Please open my heart chakra. Open my aperture and uplift my consciousness so that I can be the best version of myself’.”

To the specific findings of the Deakin University study, the Worldviews of Generation Z report makes fascinating reading. They found:

Teens were generally very positive about different faith groups:

  • 85% of teenagers had a positive attitude towards Christians;
  • 80% had a positive view of Buddhists;
  • 75% had a positive attitude to Hindus;
  • 74% had a positive attitude to Muslims;
  • 83% had a positive view of those who have no religion.

Teens affirm and were open to religious diversity in Australia and thought different faiths should have religious freedom:

  • 91 % thought that having people of many different faiths made Australia a better place to live;
  • 90 % thought that students should be allowed to wear religious clothes or jewellery to school;
  • 88% thought that all religious groups in Australia should be free to practise their religion the way they want to.

Opinion was divided when it seemed that religion might impinge on them:

  • 44% thought that religion caused more problems in society than it solved;
  • 50% thought people with very strong religious beliefs were often too intolerant of others;
  • 33% thought religion should have no place in our parliament or official ceremonies;
  • 32% thought that local communities should be able to prevent the construction of mosques or temples in their area if they didn’t want them.

What can we say about the emerging face of religious belief in Australia? As the researchers concluded, when it comes to religion, teens are complex, critical and caring.

GEN Z IS COMPLEX

The religious outlook of teens in Australia is, well, complicated. Far from being apathetic about it, teenagers are in fact hybridizing a kind of bespoke religious life without necessarily any belief in God or involvement in traditional religious communities.

The report states, “For the most part, they don’t believe or belong in the same ways as members of older generations, and the majority of them don’t see themselves as belonging to a religious tradition or organisation.”

Are You a People-Pleasing Pastor With Your Board?

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Skinny, nerdy, and lacking much athletic ability, I grew up trying to get people to like me. Although I didn’t compromise my Christian values to gain popularity, I used other techniques to gain approval. Those techniques included profusely offering compliments to others, smiling a lot, and avoiding ruffled feathers. Slowly I developed people pleaser tendencies that followed me into ministry. Several years ago after I realized that I was becoming a people pleasing pastor, I began to change how I relate to my board that I’ve described below. Although I’ve made progress, I’m still in recovery. In this post I share three ways I’ve learned to not be a people pleaser with my board.

For my third book, People Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivated Leadership, I researched over 2,000 pastors and saw myself reflected in many of their stories. In one phase of on-line research pastors could anonymously record their pleaser stories. I gathered over 100 single spaced pages of stories, many of them heartbreakers. Here’s one pastor’s story that struck a chord in me.

For the first three years after coming to First Church, in the fall I would bring a list of recommended goals for the coming year for the church board to consider adopting for the church. The third year I did it, the board asked me to discontinue this practice as they did not want the church to be a “pastor-driven” church. They stated that someone other than the pastor should drive the goal-setting process. This was a hard blow for me as I saw it as a rejection of me as their leader. They wanted me to be their chaplain, but not their leader. I honored their request and stopped bringing recommended goals to the church board. However, I never really got over that experience and I have remained fearful about trying to take an active leadership role with the board ever since. Perhaps this is part of the reason why I feel bored here and want to move on, but have no idea where to go next.

I felt the pain of this pastor because I’ve been tempted at times to replace my leadership role as a pastor with people pleasing. However, at my current church in London, Ontario, I have an excellent relationship with the board that I attribute to these new behaviors. I feel like I am fully free to lead yet not people please.

  1. I listen a lot. I don’t assume I know it all. Having moved from the U.S. to Canada, I not only adjusted to a new church, but to a new culture as well. I’ve adopted a posture of listening and learning and in the first 60 days I met with over 100 people in various venues simple to listen. The word has gotten out that I really want to listen. It has given me solid credibility with the church.
  2. I over-communicate. The first year, each week I sent our board a brief summary of my week’s activities and learnings. I’ve also added a new feature in our weekly Sunday bulletin called, “Where’s Waldo (a.k.a. Charles).” In a paragraph I share a synopsis of what I did the week prior. An 80-year-old church member told me that she enjoys reading what I’ve been doing. She said she never knew what a pastor did during the week.
  3. I’ve become intensively collaborative. Many U.S. pastors have come to Canada and have failed because they’ve assumed a very dominant top down leadership style. It does not work in Canada (and probably not as well in the U.S. as it once did).  I’ve enjoyed listening to other’s ideas and incorporating their suggestions into my leadership. I’m not people pleasing in doing so. Rather, I’m honoring how the body of Christ should work together.

I still have a ways to go in my people pleaser recovery. But I’m making good progress and enjoying the journey.

What have you discovered that has helped you avoid people pleasing tendencies?

This article originally appeared here and is used by permission. 

Mixed-Age Groups Make a Positive Difference at VBS: Learn Why

mixed-age groups
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Using mixed-age groups for VBS is game-changing. But how do you pull that off at vacation Bible school, with such a variety of attendees? A former VBS-director-turned-Group-editor describes how mixed-age groups at VBS make all the difference. 

Social scientists have researched what happens when children of different ages play and learn together. And they’ve found benefits for kids of all ages. Younger ones look up to older ones. And, surprisingly, older kids are drawn to younger kids, too. They’re eager to be “experts” and friends who young children look up to.

Perhaps you’ve seen this play out in everyday life. Just picture it: You’ve invited several families with children to your home. Do you rigidly separate kids by grades or let them all organically play and explore together? You may even request that your oldest “look out for your little sister!” Some of my fondest childhood memories involve playing with my older brother and cousin. I loved playing, inventing, and growing with the “big kids.”

Since Group’s very first VBS more than 25 years ago, mixed-age Crews have been a key ingredient for success. Mixed-age groups, or Crews, consist of multi-age kids. A Crew contains five kids in first, second, third, fourth, or fifth grade, plus one adult or teen Crew Leader.

Mixed-Age Groups for VBS

You may be skeptical about placing kids in mixed-age groups at VBS. Perhaps your children’s ministry has never functioned that way before. Why shake things up and combine ages?

When I first led Group VBS at my church, I was completely accustomed to grade-specific teaching. I trembled at the idea of mixing things up. I worried what kids would say if they weren’t with their same-grade friends. And I worried what parents would say—especially when their children invited friends from the community to our VBS. Separating kids into different mixed-age crews seemed unkind and unwelcoming.

Then one year, I decided to follow my Ultimate Director Guide’s stellar VBS tips and give it a try. That year, I couldn’t find a volunteer brave enough to lead a particularly unruly group of second-grade boys. So desperate times called for desperate measures! I stretched out of my comfort zone and gave mixed-age Crews a chance. I found that the pros far outweigh the cons.

Now I’m on the Group VBS Editorial Team! And year after year at field tests, we discover that kids enjoy being in mixed-age Crews. Sure, it’s a little different at first. But as kids warm up to their crewmates, we see them working together, helping one another, and forming unique friendships. Complaints are few, and discipline problems are almost nonexistent. That’s why using mixed-age groups is now one of my top VBS tips.

The Pros: Advantages of Mixed-Age Groups

The online Group U training course “Age-Level Insights for Spiritual Formation” explains four advantages of mixed-age small groups.

1. Mixed-age groups encourage teamwork, not competition.

When kids are grouped in age-graded classes, there’s more emphasis on comparison—“I can do better!”—and competition—“I can do it faster!” However, when you group children in mixed-age Crews, you nearly eliminate the unspoken desire to compare or compete. Instead, older kids help younger ones with challenging tasks. Young kids seek to emulate the older, “cool” kids in their Crews.

2. Mixed-age groups reduce discipline problems.

Now, we love kids of all ages. But there’s something intimidating about that group of all fourth-grade boys! When you split up that daunting bunch of preteens, they suddenly lose their “audience”—that is, one another. And your discipline problems nearly vanish. You’ll get the same delightful effect when you split up middle-elementary cliques, some siblings, and other “troublesome twosomes.” It works!

3. Variety encourages relationship-building.

By mixing ages to form small groups, you provide a rare opportunity for kids of all ages to get to know one another. Most same-age kids in your community are together during school, sports, and other functions. Multi-age Crews give kids the chance to interact and build meaningful relationships with new friends.

4. Mixed-age Crews are easier to work with.

Your teachers and volunteers will love how easy it is to work with mixed ages. Rather than trying to assist a group of 6-year-olds with reading, a volunteer can give one-on-one attention to one 6-year-old. And believe it or not, older kids will relish their helping roles as they lead with their strengths.

Overcoming the Cons: Practical Tips

This all sounds good in theory, but what if challenges arise? Consider these VBS tips when planning for mixed-age groups.

Place visiting friends in the same group, not Crew.

At my church, five Crews traveled together from station to station in one big group. Crews were five kids, plus one adult or teen helper. Groups consisted of five Crews (or 25 kids plus their five teen or adult helpers).

So when arranging Crews, I honored friend requests by placing friends in the same group, rather than Crew. Visiting friends and besties got to be in the same spaces together the whole time. But when it was time to circle up for a chat or experience with their Crew, they befriended new kids and helpers. It worked like a charm. Kids were near their friends in their group while they made new friends in their Crews.

Supporting Friends in Crisis: A Compassionate Guide

friends in crisis
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When a friend is in serious crisis, acting as a first responder to stabilize them emotionally and guide them towards the next right steps can be pivotal. A crisis can take many forms—mental health emergencies, traumatic events, or life-altering news—all of which can leave your friend feeling overwhelmed, scared, and unsure of what to do.

As a friend, your immediate, compassionate support can make a significant difference in helping them navigate through this challenging time. This article outlines how you can effectively support your friends in crisis, ensuring they feel less alone and more equipped to take constructive actions.

Stay Calm and Present

Your ability to remain calm can have a calming effect on your friends. Take deep breaths and reassure them that you’re there to support them. Your presence, both physical and emotional, provides a foundation of stability and safety amidst the turmoil.

Listen Without Judgment

Offer an open ear and let your friends express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. During a crisis, the need to be heard and validated is more acute than ever. Resist the urge to offer quick fixes; instead, acknowledge their pain and affirm their feelings as valid.

Ensure Immediate Safety

In a severe crisis, your friends’ immediate safety is the top priority. If they are at risk of harming themselves or others, it’s crucial to seek professional help without delay. This may involve contacting emergency services or guiding them to a safe environment where they can receive the necessary care.

Offer Practical Support

In moments of crisis, even simple tasks can seem daunting. Offer to help with practical needs, whether it’s arranging for them to see a healthcare professional, helping with daily chores, or simply being by their side if they need to make important calls or decisions.

Encourage Professional Help

While your support is invaluable, professional guidance is often necessary in a crisis. Encourage your friends to seek help from mental health professionals who can provide the appropriate care and intervention. Offer to assist in finding resources or making appointments if they find the task overwhelming.

Create a Support Network

Rally mutual friends or family members to create a support network for your friends. Knowing they have multiple sources of support can significantly lessen the feeling of isolation that often accompanies a crisis.

Follow Up

In the days and weeks after the initial crisis, continue to check in with your friends. Consistent follow-up shows that your concern is ongoing and that they haven’t been forgotten once the immediate crisis has passed.

Encourage Self-Care

Gently remind your friends of the importance of self-care during this time. While it may be difficult for them to focus on their well-being, encourage small acts of self-care, such as eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, and engaging in gentle physical activity.

Be Patient and Respect Their Pace

Recovery from a crisis takes time, and everyone’s pace is different. Be patient with your friends and respect their process. Your unwavering support and understanding can be a beacon of hope as they work through their feelings and begin to take steps forward.

Chiefs Star Travis Kelce Won’t Judge Harrison Butker’s ‘Religious Views’

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L: Harrison Butker gives the May 11 commencement address at Benedictine College. Screengrab from YouTube / @Benedictine College. R: President Joe Biden greets Kansas City Chiefs' President Mark Donovan, Head Coach Andy Reid and players Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce in the Oval Office of the White House, Monday, June 5, 2023, prior to an event celebrating the team’s Superbowl LVII championship. (Official White House Photo by Adam Schultz). Adam Schultz, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

Another star player on the world champion Kansas City Chiefs has addressed kicker Harrison Butker’s polarizing commencement speech. On a new episode of his “New Heights” podcast Friday (May 24), Pro Bowl tight end Travis Kelce said although he cherishes Butker as a teammate, he doesn’t agree with “just about any of [his commencement speech], outside of just him loving his family and his kids.”

Kelce, 34, added that he didn’t want to judge Butker for his views—“especially his religious views, of how to go about life. That’s just not who I am.” Kelce’s comments echoed those of Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes, who said earlier in the week that though he might not always agree with Butker, he respects the kicker’s character.

RELATED: Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid Defend Character and Freedoms of Kicker Harrison Butker

In a May 11 commencement address at Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas, Butker told graduates that women should prioritize homemaking. The outspoken Catholic also railed against Pride Month and President Biden’s support of abortion. While describing the “lies” that he said society tells women, Butker mentioned lyrics from pop star Taylor Swift, who is dating Travis Kelce.

Travis Kelce: Harrison Butker Acts With ‘Respect and Kindness’

On Friday’s podcast, Kelce said Butker has “treated friends and family that I’ve introduced to him with nothing but respect and kindness, and that’s how he treats everyone. When it comes down to his views and what he said at St. Benedict’s commencement speech, those are his.”

About his own upbringing, Kelce credited both his parents for working and providing for the family. “And both my mother and my father made home what it was,” the athlete said. “So they were homemakers, and they were providers, and they were unbelievable at being present every single day in my life.”

Kelce, who said he appreciates all “walks of life,” added, “Now, I don’t think everyone should do it the way my parents did. But I certainly and sure as hell thank my parents and love my parents for being able to provide and making sure that home was what it was.”

Kelce grew up in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, amid a “broad spectrum” of “different social classes, different religions, different races and ethnicities,” he said Friday. “And I appreciated every single one of those people for different reasons, and I never once had to feel like I needed to judge them, based off of their beliefs.”

Jason Kelce: Parents Should Prioritize That Role

Jason Kelce, who co-hosts “New Heights” with his younger brother, also chimed in about Butker’s commencement speech. The 36-year-old, who recently retired after 13 seasons with the Philadelphia Eagles, admitted being “a little bit frustrated” with the content of the speech. But, he added, “There’s always going to be opinions that everybody shares that you’re going to disagree with.”

RELATED: Wife and Daughter of Chiefs CEO Speak Out on Motherhood Amid Harrison Butker Controversy

‘Obsessed’—Gwen Stefani Responds to Blake Shelton’s Praise for ‘The Chosen’

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L: Gwen Stefani revealing to RumorFix what her favorite emoticon is. RumorFix, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons. R: Jonathan Roumie as Jesus. Screengrab from YouTube / @TheChosenSeries

No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani says that she is “obsessed” with “The Chosen” and that she can’t wait to see Season 4 of the hit show. The Grammy Award-winning artist and coach on “The Voice” responded to husband Blake Shelton’s praise for the popular series.

“Obsessed!! Can’t wait for season 4 @thechosentv u better not watch w out me!!” Stefani said, responding to an enthusiastic comment from Shelton posted Monday, May 20.

“Random two thumbs up from a country singer,” Shelton said. “Just finished season 3 of The Chosen and I absolutely love it. No question in my mind why it’s a world wide phenomenon.”

RELATED: ‘Random Two Thumbs Up’—Country Music Star Blake Shelton Loves ‘The Chosen’

Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton Love ‘The Chosen’

Gwen Stefani is a three-time Grammy Award-winner and 18-time Grammy nominee, as well as the winner of numerous other awards or accolades. She rose to fame as the lead singer of No Doubt, which achieved mainstream success with the band’s third album, “Tragic Kingdom.”

Stefani has released several solo albums and, in 2014, she joined “The Voice” as one of the show’s four coaches. It was through “The Voice” that she met country singer Blake Shelton, who started with the show as a coach when the series premiered in 2011.

Stefani and Shelton connected over the fact they were each going through difficult, high-profile divorces at the time. They married in 2021. Shelton has credited Stefani with encouraging him to go to church for the first time. 

Stefani was raised Catholic and has said that her faith in God helped her to get through her divorce and be open to finding love again. “For me it was a spiritual intervention,” she said. “It was a true miracle. I think the only way I got through all the hard times is just my spiritual faith and my belief in God, because I’ve just seen the miracles around me.”

Please Pray for Beth Moore’s Ongoing Back Pain, Decisions About Next Steps

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Beth Moore speaks at a Living Proof Ministries event. Screengrab from YouTube / @LivingProofwithBethMoore

Author and Bible teacher Beth Moore is requesting prayers for intense pain due to a “years-long” back condition. In a lengthy post on X (formerly Twitter), the 66-year-old Moore indicated she’s “definitely facing surgery” and it’s “just a matter of when.”

Moore usually has a high pain threshold, she wrote on Thursday (May 23), but her “multiple skeletal issues” had her crying to husband Keith this week. She indicated she’d be calling her doctor, expecting to “end up with a surgeon I’m sure.”

In her post, Moore said she needed “prayer more than advice.” The founder of Living Proof Ministries also assured followers her upcoming events aren’t in jeopardy. “The Lord and I have been managing this condition around events for a long time,” she wrote, “and I can’t wait to be with you and worship God with you and study scripture.”

Beth Moore’s Thorn in the Flesh: ‘My Back Is a Mess’

Beth Moore, who made headlines in 2021 for leaving the Southern Baptist Convention, said her chronic pain stems mainly from spine issues. “My back is a mess,” she wrote. “When I sprained my knee running through O’Hare [Airport] to a flight I was about to miss, it threw my back further out of alignment.”

Moore added she’s seen many doctors and had recent MRIs but simply has “very limited” options. “I’ve dealt with physical pain for a long time as part of what God has allowed me in order to rely on him,” she wrote. “Definitely one of my thorns in the flesh.”

Saying she doesn’t “like to feel drugged,” Moore noted that any medications that would address her level of pain “would dull my mind,” which she needs. “I want to do my job!!!” she added.

In her post, Moore told people she needed prayer more than advice, because she’s sought medical help for years and “heard it all.” Her condition isn’t “something you rest and get over,” she wrote. “Plus, if I had laid down over this, I’d have laid down for the last decade.”

Beth Moore Requests Prayers for Relief, Wisdom

Moore, who thanked people for their ongoing support, said her two main prayer requests are “relief and wisdom in the right next steps!” Despite the pain, she shared, “My spirit is well. My insides are happy and cheerful in Christ Jesus.” Although Moore said she knows what it’s like to be in an “oppressed state of mind,” she’s “not there right now.”

“I love where [God] has me and what I’m working on presently and sense the leadership of the Holy Spirit in it,” she wrote. “I can still laugh and enjoy my people and my dogs. All is well except that I’m in a good bit of pain. But only from my neck to my heels. Lol.”

Albert Mohler Reiterates Support for Ban on Women Pastors in SBC, Says Churches That Disagree Are ‘Free’ To Leave Denomination

Albert Mohler
Screengrab via X (formerly Twitter) / @albertmohler

In a video statement released on Thursday (May 23), Dr. Albert Mohler reiterated his support for an amendment to the Southern Baptist Convention’s (SBC) bylaws that would enshrine a ban on women serving in the office or function of pastor. 

Mohler, who is the longtime president of the SBC’s flagship school, the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, said that passing the amendment is “an issue of biblical obedience.”

“This is not just a question of biblical interpretation,” he added. “And the moment we begin defining some issues as just matters of biblical interpretation, the question becomes, ‘Well, which are those?’”

Mohler’s statement came less than three weeks before the SBC is set to convene in Indianapolis for its annual meeting. Among the issues to be decided at the meeting is the fate of the Law Amendment, named for Mike Law, the pastor who proposed it. 

At the 2023 meeting of the SBC, Law proposed that the denomination’s bylaws be updated to include the statement that SBC churches do “not affirm, appoint, or employ a woman as a pastor of any kind.”

While the Baptist Faith & Message, which serves as the SBC’s statement of faith, already states that “the office of pastor/elder/overseer is limited to men as qualified by Scripture,” some within the denomination have grown concerned that the SBC is beginning to drift on the issue. 

In order for the amendment to be added to the SBC’s bylaws, it must be affirmed by Southern Baptist delegates, called messengers, at two consecutive annual meetings. Messengers overwhelmingly voted in favor of the amendment in 2023 and are set to reaffirm or reverse the decision on Wednesday, June 12. 

Some disagreement exists among Southern Baptist leaders about whether the amendment is necessary or beneficial. For example, current SBC President Bart Barber has expressed his opinion against it. Jeff Iorg, the newly appointed president and CEO of the SBC’s Executive Committee, said the amendment could lead to “efforts to enforce conformity on other doctrinal issues.”

Conversely, influential SBC pastors such as Mark Dever and Heath Lambert have been vocal in their support of the amendment. 

In his statement, Mohler indicated his belief that the vote regarding the amendment represents a pivotal moment for Southern Baptists. 

RELATED: ‘Christless’ and ‘Unbiblical’—Albert Mohler Delivers Scathing Response to Pope Francis’ Interview With CBS

“From time to time, it’s pretty clear that an impending Southern Baptist Convention meeting comes with a little more importance and urgency than is sometimes the norm,” Mohler said. “And history tends to turn on such years as Southern Baptists meet together.”

Vatican Overturns Texas Bishop’s Dismissal of Carmelite Nun but Backs His Investigation

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Mother Teresa Agnes Gerlach of the Monastery of the Most Holy Trinity, left, and Fort Worth Bishop Michael Olson. (Courtesy photos)

(RNS) — The Vatican has overturned a Texas bishop’s dismissal of a Carmelite nun from her order after she was accused of breaking her vow of chastity with a priest, weighing in on a power struggle and scandal that drew national attention.

The Dicastery for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life found in favor of Mother Teresa Agnes Gerlach, prioress of the the Monastery of the Most Holy Trinity in Arlington, Texas, in her appeal to remain in her order after Fort Worth Bishop Michael Olson dismissed her in June 2023.

However, the dicastery upheld several of Olson’s other decisions, including his opening an investigation into the accusation that Gerlach had violated her chastity vow in her contacts with the Rev. Philip G. Johnson, a priest in the Diocese of Raleigh, North Carolina.

Olson also was deemed correct in placing Gerlach on a leave of absence and issuing a canonical warning to nuns in the monastery against impeding the investigation.

In April 2023, Olson began the investigation of Gerlach, a cloistered nun of Order of Discalced Carmelites who uses a wheelchair and a feeding tube. According to reporting by Texas Monthly, Gerlach had exchanged texts, phone calls and video chats with Johnson as they sought support from each other while both battled cancer. When Gerlach began to worry that they were too close and some of the exchanges had been inappropriate, she confided in her former spiritual counselor, the Rev. Jonathan Wallis, who reported her to Olson.

Gerlach has said that she was struggling with seizures and heavily medicated while speaking with Johnson. She also claimed that one of her conversations with Olson occurred on the same day that she had been under general anesthesia and had taken fentanyl as part of a procedure to replace her feeding tube.

The investigation led to a legal battle. Gerlach sued Olson and the diocese in civil court, accusing them of invading the nuns’ privacy and taking their personal property. Meanwhile, Olson reported the nuns to the local police on allegations of marijuana use.

A Tarrant County judge dismissed the nuns’ lawsuit, and no criminal charges ever came of the marijuana allegations. But in August 2023, the nuns announced that they no longer recognized Olson’s authority. Olson responded by writing that the nuns may have incurred excommunication, calling the behavior “scandalous and schismatic.”

In their latest public statement, on April 20, the Carmelite nuns wrote: “In the past year, since April 2023, our monastery has suffered continued attack and abuse from Michael Olson, the current Bishop of Fort Worth, in an ugly attempt to seize control of our governance, finances and life including an unannounced interrogation of our Mother Prioress while she was in a medically unfit state.

“An abusive father, however, must be resisted. We take Pope Francis at his word when he invited Consecrated Women ‘to fight when, in some cases, they are treated unfairly, even within the Church…at times, by men of the Church,’” the nuns wrote.

The nuns have yet to comment on Gerlach’s reinstatement or the other determinations by the Vatican.

How Is the ‘Appeal to Heaven’ Flag Spotted at Alito’s House Linked to Jan. 6?

appeal to heaven
A demonstrator carries a white "Appeal to Heaven" flag during the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection in Washington. (Video screen grab)

(RNS) — When The New York Times reported Wednesday (May 22) that an “Appeal to Heaven” flag had been sighted last summer at a shore house owned by U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, it wasn’t the first time the symbol had been linked to Christian judges and lawmakers.

The flag, which has ties to Christian nationalism and was repeatedly spotted among rioters at the Jan. 6 insurrection, was promoted by Sarah Palin in a 2015 Breitbart opinion column, was flown over the Arkansas Statehouse in 2015 thanks to former Arkansas state Sen. Jason Rapert and has been displayed outside U.S. House Speaker Mike Johnson’s congressional office.

The flag dates back to the Revolutionary War, but according to Matthew Taylor, a senior scholar at the Institute for Islamic, Christian and Jewish Studies, the flag took on new meaning when it was embraced in 2013 by members of the New Apostolic Reformation, a movement led by self-titled modern-day apostles and prophets. It was an NAR leader who gifted the flag to Palin.

“It became this very coded symbol for this spiritual warfare campaign that’s about embracing this vision of a restoration of Christian America. Because this was soon after the Obergefell decision, the flag also became about opposing gay marriage and abortion,” Taylor told Religion News Service in an interview.

“The New Apostolic Reformation has proven, I would argue, over the last five to 10 years its incredible reach into the executive branch, into the legislative branch, and now we see also into the judicial branch,” said Taylor, noting that Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Parker was recently found to be connected to the New Apostolic Reformation. Parker made headlines in February when he wrote a Bible-saturated concurring opinion to an Alabama high court decision that equated  embryos with people.

Creator of the award-winning audio series “Charismatic Revival Fury” and author of the forthcoming book “The Violent Take It by Force,” Taylor is an expert on both the New Apostolic Reformation movement and its flag of choice. He spoke to RNS about the Appeal to Heaven flag’s links to former President Donald Trump, Christian nationalism and the Jan. 6 insurrection. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What are the origins of the Appeal to Heaven flag?

It’s a Revolutionary War flag that has a long history of being a piece of Americana. The phrase “Appeal to Heaven” comes from a treatise by the philosopher John Locke. He argues that when people appeal to unjust governments that don’t listen, they eventually make an appeal to heaven. In other words, we go to war, and we’ll let God sort it out. George Washington commissioned this flag to fly over the Massachusetts Navy, and at least according to historical sources I’ve seen, he commissioned it in 1775.

When did the flag begin to take on new meaning?

In 2013, Dutch Sheets, a leader in the New Apostolic Reformation, was serving as the executive director of a charismatic, Pentecostal Bible college in Texas when he was presented with an Appeal to Heaven flag at a graduation ceremony. When Sheets received the flag, he also believed he received a prophecy that this flag was meant to be a symbol of a campaign to restore America to the Christian nation God intended. He set his sights on the 2016 election, and in 2015, he gave the flag to Sarah Palin, a longtime ally in NAR leadership networks. She wrote an op-ed arguing that government leaders need to start flying the flag over courthouses and statehouses.

Can you say more about the theology this flag came to represent?

Those in the New Apostolic Reformation believe that at the end of the 20th century, God was anointing new prophets and apostles to lead the church into global revival. A seminary professor named Peter Wagner coined this term to describe these massive campaigns that are designed to transform nations through prayer and spiritual warfare. He believed apostles and prophets are generals of spiritual warfare. Another leader, named Lance Wallnau, came into the network bringing this idea of the Seven Mountain Mandate.

You can divide society up into these seven spheres of authority: religion, family, government, education, media, arts and entertainment, commerce. And Christians need to conquer each of those seven arenas to let Christian influence flow down into society. Over time, the seven mountains became a political theology, and the NAR became the vanguard of Christian Trumpism. Notably, Sheets was obsessed with the Supreme Court.

All NAR leaders know that if you want to find a lever to change American policy, it’s the Supreme Court. And these fringe characters that have glommed onto Trump, their ideas have become so popular, they have really brought about a tectonic shift in the culture and leadership of the religious right in America within the last decade.

MyChurchFinder Is an Online Directory to Christian Nationalist Congregations

MyChurchFinder
The MyChurchFinder.org website. (Screen grab)

(RNS) — Since taking the pulpit at Legacy Baptist Church in Coolidge, Arizona, Pastor Rob Hudelson has not shied away from hot-button political issues, including disputing the results of the 2020 election. His taste for politicking has expressed itself in his two campaigns for state representative.

Recently on X, formerly Twitter, Hudelson responded to a post from the conspiracy minded journalist Lara Logan about recent arrests of Jan. 6 rioters with a post that read: “Marxism will not be something that is debated…only taken by force. It cannot win in the battlefield of ideas.”

That kind of rhetoric has earned Hudelson’s church an “A” rating from MyChurchFinder, a 6-month-old online directory that promises to connect Americans to “biblically sound” congregations across the country.

MyChurchFinder sends surveys to pastors nationwide and assigns a letter grade to their church based on their answers. To receive an A rating, pastors must demonstrate that they lead a “biblically sound, culturally aware & non-socialistic legislatively active church.” Failing to meet any of the above criteria earns a church a “WNR” — “Would Not Recommend.”

The vast majority of the 270 churches in the directory received an A rating. Twenty-eight churches received B ratings, one church received a C, and three received “WNR.”

MyChurchFinder’s rating system rewards pastors who thumb their noses at the concept of separation of church and state and believe that patriotism, politics and Christianity are inextricably, biblically linked.

The site is run by a Texas automobile executive, Roger Elswick, through his organization, the Eleven Six Institute, which describes its mission as “ensuring the Church becomes and remains, not only the conscience of the Government, but also the moral guide to legislation and the moral standard for all Government.”

The directory was co-founded by Neil Mammen, who is also listed as a speaker MyChurchFinder makes available. Mammen, author of the self-published 2012 book “Jesus Is Involved in Politics!: Why Aren’t You? Why Isn’t Your Church?,” gave an interview earlier this year to American Family News, a publication of the Christian fundamentalist American Family Association, in which he stressed the importance of people being in “good churches” in an election year. “Bad churches,” he said, are “just propping up the decay of America.”

Neither Elswick nor Mammen responded to requests for comment.

Mammen told American Family News that a church’s A rating means that “you are not only biblically sound, but you’re also culturally aware; you know and you preach about how abortion is bad and how CRT [critical race theory] is bad, but the most important part of that is then you do something about it.”

Conservative advocacy organization Turning Point USA, whose faith-based arm has endorsed MyChurchFinder, has been on a similar mission of late. Turning Point’s founder, Charlie Kirk, has teamed up with far-right Christian nationalist pastor Lance Wallnau to turn churches in swing states such as Wisconsin, Arizona and Georgia into “campaign powerhouses,” Rolling Stone magazine reported earlier this year.

Liberty Pastors, another organization that has endorsed MyChurchFinder, is dedicated to “training” pastors “to think Biblically in every area of life, including the realms of civil government, economics, human sexuality, charity, and family,” and touts high-profile instructors such as former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Act for America founder Brigitte Gabriel. (MyChurchFinder identifies congregations that have become members of Liberty Pastors).

How To Avoid Making an Idol of Your Marriage and Spouse

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Adobestock #524164665

A thoughtful young man asked me:

My wife and I were talking about idols, and wondering to what degree marriage, or your significant other, can become an idol? We talked about the idea that something is an idol if you would be discontent without it. But we know that marriage is such a gift from the Lord, and you are more united to that person than any other person. We thought of you, and wanted to ask your thoughts on this?

When the apostle John wrote to Christ-followers near the end of the first century, most had nothing to do with carved idols. Still, his final words to them were, “Little children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21). The New Living Translation captures the meaning this way: “Keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.”

In the Christian worldview, created things are a means to help us delight in God. The problems start when we believe we can find more happiness in God’s creation than in God Himself.

Remembering What’s Primary

What helped Nanci and I most avoid idolatry in marriage was that over the years, we came to say—and to really believe—that we were each other’s second best friend. Based on John 15 and His sacrificial love toward us, Jesus was our best friend. No one else was close to taking the place we had in each other’s lives, but we would always put God first. We knew that we needed to look to Him to meet our deepest needs because He is the primary, and we are the secondary.

It is not always easy to think of that person you love so much as being secondary in any sense. But your spouse must be, because as C. S. Lewis pointed out, whenever we make the secondary primary, we ruin the secondary. In The Great Divorce, he illustrated that with a woman who swore she loved her family, but by making them first in her thinking, she imagined they owed her some great debt of gratitude because of all she had done for them, supposedly out of love. But there was no way they could fulfill her expectations and in her selfishness, which she thought of as sacrificial, she was always disappointed in them, and drove them away and made their lives miserable. That’s what idolatry will do to something that should be good and pure and healthy.

Tim Keller wrote:

To live for anything else but God leads to breakdown and decay. When a fish leaves the water, which he was built for, he is not free, but dead. Worshiping other things . . . cannot deliver satisfaction, because they were never meant to be “gods.” They were never meant to replace God.

Idolatry Is a Heavy Burden

For me and Nanci, reminding ourselves that God was first guarded our relationship from being idolatrous. We did not mistake each other for Jesus or see each other as a substitute for Him. Of course, learning that lesson required trial and error. Early on in our relationship, it was easy to be so enamored with each other and our love for each other that we could put each other before Jesus, without thinking of it that way.

We knew we loved Jesus, but we loved each other so much and that love for the person physically in front of us was fresh and new and visible. So I think at times we did in fact put the human we loved above the God-man we loved. Not only was that unhealthy spiritually, but it was also unhealthy for our relationship, because we simply could not live up to each other’s expectations.

Once we learned our lessons the hard way, that took the pressure off both of us. Having a spouse who looks to you to make him or her happy all the time is a heavy burden to live under in a fallen world under the curse, and where we still experience the sin nature that is constantly fighting against our new nature. No one can be successful in fulfilling another person’s deepest needs, and it imposes a constant stream of pressure and disappointment and frustration. The implication is, “Sometimes I am not happy, and since it’s your role to make me happy and satisfied, you’re failing me.” Someone may not mean to say that, but that’s the message the other partner gets when your marriage is an idol. It simply cannot provide what you are expecting or demanding of it.

Only our omnipotent, all-sufficient Savior is capable of meeting our deepest needs. The best we can do as marriage partners, soulmates, and second-best friends is look to Him to meet our deepest needs and encourage each other to do the same. There is great joy in helping each other look to Jesus! That is when marriage truly reflects the picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride that Paul speaks of in Ephesians 5.

False Teachers and the People Who Follow Them

communicating with the unchurched

I really want to be a good listener. A couple of times over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve found myself drifting while somebody’s talking to me. And then, at the end, it’s become clear to both of us that I’ve missed some important detail in the conversation, and I’ve had to admit that I wasn’t paying complete attention — frankly, because I lost interest in the conversation.

This happens sometimes, especially when somebody is talking about a subject that’s important to them, but not as important to me. When someone else is interested in a topic and you’re not, it’s easy for our minds to drift.

To be honest, that’s what could happen with the passage we’re looking at today.

We’re studying a letter written by the Apostle Paul, the last letter he ever wrote. It’s written to his protégé Timothy. And there’s a theme that keeps coming up. We’ve been looking at it for the past few weeks. Here’s the theme: People are going to abandon Jesus, but you’ve got to stand firm because it really matters.

Paul wasn’t just prognosticating from prison. All throughout this letter, Paul speaks from personal experience. Look at what he says later in this letter:

Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message. At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. (2 Timothy 4:14–16)

You can understand Paul talking about this. Paul was in jail and about to die because he preached the message that Jesus is Lord. But everybody in Asia had repudiated him, and many had repudiated his message. And Timothy had people in his church who were wobbling on the message of the gospel. It’s no wonder Paul kept returning to this theme.

But as we look at the passage today, we may be tempted to say, “Darryl, this is the third sermon in a row that you’ve covered what Paul says about false teaching. It’s clear that Paul has a lot to say about this, but really, I’m not as interested as he is. Please, can we move on to something else?”

Well, yes and no. Here’s the no part: we need to take one last look at why this matters even if we don’t like it. And then we need to look at the biggest step we can take as a church to inoculate ourselves against this danger, because we’re not immune to this danger either.

So that’s what we’re going to do today. What is the danger we face, and what can we do about it?

What Is the Danger We Face? (3:1-9)

When we last looked at 2 Timothy, Paul told Timothy to correct his opponents gently, because “God may perhaps grant them repentance” (2 Timothy 2:25). That sounds hopeful. Maybe there’s hope for false teachers. Maybe some of them can come to their senses. Not all is lost.

But Paul’s more realistic than this. In the passage we just read, Paul says:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:1-)

It’s true that some may repent, Paul says. But opposition isn’t going anywhere. False teachers will actually increase. The “last days” he mentions doesn’t refer to a distant time in the future. The “last days” refers to the period that goes from Jesus first coming to his future return. In other words, we’re living in the last days. This is the present. So what Paul writes here is going to be true of us as well.

“In the last days there will come times of difficulty.” The word difficulty is a little mild for the term that Paul uses. A better word may be fierce. There are going to be fierce seasons in the season between Jesus’ first and second comings.

In verses 2 to 5, Paul describes the people who will cause problems in the last days. It’s quite the list. There’s nothing positive about this list. And so it’s important for us to understand what’s behind the traits that Paul lists here.

There’s a belief out there — it’s very common — that people generally mean well, and so our major problem is we just see things from different perspectives. If that were the case, we just need to work hard at understanding where others are coming from so we can find common ground and agree. And certainly there’s a lot of truth in this perspective, and this is the appropriate action we should take much of the time.

But if that’s your only category for disagreement, and if that’s your only approach to handling disagreement, you will not be prepared for what’s coming in difficult days. Because Paul says in this passage that what is behind some disagreement in the church — not all, but some — is not misunderstanding but rather pure evil. It’s not motivated by a different perspective, but by a love of self and a desire to decide for ourselves what’s right.

It is important to grasp that it is men who are responsible for the menacing seasons which the church has to bear, fallen men, evil men, men whose nature is perverted, whose behavior is self-centered and godless, whose mind is hostile to God and his law (cf. Rom. 8:7), and who spread evil, heresy and dead religion in the church. (John Stott)

The question I want to ask you is: do you have a category for this? If you don’t, you’re not really prepared for one of the greatest dangers that the church always faces. Some false teachers aren’t just misinformed. Some are narcissistic and proud. Some are evil. Not everyone who has something to say about God is motivated by good. Their character is off. Their devotion to God is fake. Some have the appearance of godliness, but deny its power.

He even compares them in verse 8 to Jannes and Jambres. Jewish tradition said that these were the names of the two chief magicians in Pharaohs’ court. Moses was one of the greatest of God’s servants in the Hebrew Scriptures, sent by God himself with a message for Pharaoh and the ability to do miracles as a sign to Pharaoh that God was speaking. But we read in Exodus, “Then Pharaoh summoned the wise men and the sorcerers, and they, the magicians of Egypt, also did the same by their secret arts” (Exodus 7:11). They were able do the same things as Moses without having the same godliness as Moses. They were counterfeits. Counterfeits existed in Moses’ day. They existed in Paul’s day. And they exist today.

That’s why you need to have a healthy concern for whatever is taught in this church. That’s why teachers will be judged with greater strictness (James 3:1). It’s why you should double-check everything that I or anyone says with the Bible. We should be on guard because of the danger of counterfeits and people who appear to be okay, but are actually dangerous.

The worst part is the influence they have on others. Verses 6 to 9 say that they end up taking others with them. They “capture” other people, according to verse 6. It’s like a military operation. It seems that these false teachers had found disproportionate influence among some of the women in Ephesus. Paul’s not slamming women in general; he’s speaking to a particular situation in that church. I love Paul’s description: “always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (3:7). I’ve seen this! Always raising questions. As Acts 17 says, some people “spend their time in nothing except telling or hearing something new” (Acts 17:21).

Paul’s asking us to add two categories in our understanding of who’s in the church. Truth be told, we may be in one of them.

  • Evil people who look like the real thing and try to capture people with their false teaching. You need a category for this type of person, because they exist.
  • Unsuspecting people who are susceptible to be led astray because these false teachers sound so good.

Please, please, please understand that these two categories of people exist: evil people spreading false teaching, and unsuspecting people who are in danger of being led astray. Just as parents have to teach their kids that there are dangerous people out there, Paul us teaching us that there are dangerous people out there with evil motivates, and we have to be on guard so that we’re not sucked in and captured by them.

What We Can Do About It? (3:8-17)

Okay, so what we can do about it?

Paul is very clear. He issues two commands in this passage that we must follow if we’re going to avoid the danger he’s just described.

  • Here’s the first command at the end of verse 5: “Avoid such people.” The word is in the present tense. It’s supposed to be something that we continue to do. Shun them. As someone translates this phrase, “avoid them with disgust.” If they knock on your door, don’t answer it. If they phone you, you let it go to voicemail and don’t call back. When you find someone who claims to be a Christian but tries to capture people and lead them away from the truth, you don’t worry about being polite. Stay as far away from them as possible.
  • Here’s the second command, found in verse 14: “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed…” Don’t look for something new. Continue in what you already know. Stay close to the Word. Keep going deeper into it. Don’t innovate. Stay close to the old message we’ve received, the one that Timothy heard from Paul, the message of the apostles about Jesus Christ. Don’t depart from the gospel.

Here’s the message of this passage in two sentences: Evil teachers will try to capture gullible followers. Avoid the false teachers and stay close to the gospel.

Because of an accident, Google Maps one day rerouted dozens of drivers down a dirt road on the way to Denver International Airport. About 100 drivers drove down the private dirt road that had been flooded after recent heavy rainfall. Most of the motorists became stuck behind a few cars that had become bogged down in mud.

One driver said, “My thought was, ‘Well there are all these other cars in front of me so it must be OK.’ So, I just continued.” Fortunately, those with all-wheel drive vehicles were able to get through.

A traffic reporter in Denver said, “You are driving. Google Maps is not driving. Google Maps is not perfect. You need to know where you are going and, if it does not look like that’s where you should be going, turn around and try again.”

That’s pretty much what Paul is saying in this passage. Stay close to the truth about Jesus. And if someone comes along and it looks like they’re trying to take you where you shouldn’t be doing, turn around and try again.

Evil teachers will try to capture gullible followers. Avoid the false teachers and stay close to the gospel.

Father, keep us close to the truth about Jesus through the power of your Spirit. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

This article about false teachers originally appeared here.

4 Reasons Why Every Pastor Should Lead a Small Group

communicating with the unchurched

I’ve been in full-time ministry for more than 35 years. During that time I’ve served in a number of different roles such as a missionary, senior pastor, associate pastor and missions pastor. No matter what role I have been in, I almost always lead a small group—sometimes more than one group. I think every pastor should lead a small group. Here’s why.

4 Reasons Why Every Pastor Should Lead a Small Group

1. Small groups are at the heart of church health.

The guys from Natural Church Development have done the most extensive research ever on church health involving over 50,000 churches. The results show that “holistic small groups” impact the numerical growth and the qualitative health of churches more than any other factor (Natural Church Development, p. 33). This is true of churches of all sizes, but the analysis reveals that groups become even more pivotal to health and growth as churches get larger.

2. Pastors’ involvement in small groups greatly multiplies the leadership base of the church.

As John Maxwell so powerfully communicates in his best-selling book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, leaders attract leaders, and the higher level of leader you are, the higher level of leaders you attract. When pastors lead small groups it pulls high level leaders into the relational life of the church, igniting much needed leadership multiplication.

3. Jesus led a small group.

I know this sounds trite but it’s very true. If you are a pastor, you should do what Jesus did and lead a group. Jesus’ small group was at the center of his ministry, enabling him to make disciples who make disciples, laying the foundation of the growing movement he was establishing. When I was doing my master’s research on Jesus’ leadership development methods, I was curious just how much of Jesus’ time he devoted to leadership training. Unable to follow Jesus with a stopwatch, I looked at the verses recounting Jesus’ ministry in the Gospel of Mark and tallied how many of these he is with just his small group—the twelve disciples. It’s a whopping 49%. Clearly, pouring into others through modeling, instruction, prayer and interaction was at the heart of his earthly ministry. It should be at the heart of our ministries too.

4. For your spiritual health you need to be in a small group.

The New Testament is filled with dozens of different “one another” commands like “love each other,” “be devoted to one another,” “encourage each other,” “carry one another’s burdens,” and “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other.” This kind of body life doesn’t happen in a Sunday morning service; it happens in the context of caring small groups. Every Christ-follower needs this kind of community. You need this kind of community if you are going to thrive in leadership. That’s why I believe every pastor should lead a small group.

 

This article on why pastors should lead a small group originally appeared here, and is used by permission.

Do Churches Need Answers to Big Theological Questions?

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Sometimes the big questions intersect with our everyday life. My opinions regarding large theological questions trickle all the way down to my ability to follow Jesus day-by-day. For example, my view of the scripture will determine how much authority it has in my life. My understanding of God’s purpose for marriage will find it’s way into my choices about sex. Or, for example, my view of the church will influence my everyday life as a follower of Jesus.

But here’s the challenge: not everyone thinks the answers to big theological questions matter in their ability to follow Jesus. We think they are simply matters of opinion, or even preference. What if big theological questions help or hinder the outreach of a church?

Do Churches Need Answers to Big Theological Questions?

One current question in North America has to do with the importance of the church. Church life in America has become a symbol of irrelevance, hypocrisy, or even considered harmful in the life of a disciple. Why not simply head out to Starbucks or a pub with my believing friends and call that “church?” Who needs the hassle of small-minded people or the drama of church as a someone’s private kingdom? I see the point of these questions. The church in the U.S. is desperately ill. So why not turn off the life support system?

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