You’re Not a Perfect Small Group Leader—And That’s OK

October 3, 2017

God is not looking for you to be the perfect small group leader. I wrote The World’s Greatest Small Group not because I think I’m the world’s Greatest Small Group Leader—I’m not—but to help you learn from and thus become more like the one who is: Jesus.

God is not looking for you to lead the perfect small group. While Jesus’ group was a mess and often dysfunctional, it was healthy. That might seem like an oxymoron, but Jesus understood the principle of process. He saw not only what they were, but what they were becoming. And often this process of becoming looks very messy. But think about this: Jesus’ dysfunctional group became The World’s Greatest Small Group.

Do you have what it takes? Do you have what it takes to be a small group leader? Depending on your perspective, you can answer this question two different ways:

NO—You do not have what it takes…on your own, under your own power, with your own intellect. That’s why it’s so vital to remember that Jesus is the real leader of “your” group. “’Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6).

YES—Don’t forget that Jesus calls unschooled, ordinary men and women to follow him and then turns them into world changers. If you follow Christ, the World’s Greatest Small Group Leader, he will use you to do extraordinary things. Don’t sell yourself short. Say, “I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, New Living Translation).

By God’s power, you can do this, but you must start by first seeking after him.

This article originally appeared here.

Billy Graham’s Ministry in Four Words

J.D. Greear

October 3, 2017

My wife, kids and I recently had the chance to visit the Billy Graham Library in Charlotte, N.C. We’ve long been impressed with Graham’s life and ministry, and this trip only increased our appreciation for Graham.

As I reflect on Billy Graham’s six decades of ministry, four words stand out:

1. Conviction

As we looked over various exhibits and heard stories about Graham’s life, Veronica commented to me, “He wasn’t complex, and not usually ‘profound.’ But you can tell that he really believed what he was saying.” And it’s true: Billy Graham had struggled with the hard questions, so when he spoke with assurance, it wasn’t the naïve assurance of a neophyte. It was the absolute assurance of someone who has wrestled with questions of faith.

During the beginning of Graham’s ministry, theological liberalism was on the rise in mainline denominations, and Graham’s faith was shaken. He often told the story of a moment when, in the height of his doubts, he took a walk in the woods. During that walk, he finally acknowledged, “I either believe God has spoken or I don’t. I believe Jesus Christ is God’s Son, and I believe the Bible he authorized is his Father’s word, just like he said it was. I’ll believe it by faith—even the parts I don’t quite understand.” (my paraphrase)

Graham’s conviction was contagious. Conviction always is. It reminds me of David Hume, the 18^th-century atheist philosopher who consistently went to hear the preacher George Whitefield at his evangelistic rallies. Someone recognized Hume, and—surprised to see him there—said, “I thought you do not believe in the gospel.” Hume answered, “I don’t, but he does.” That was the draw that Billy Graham had at his rallies: He believed in his message so deeply that he drew in some of the most skeptical and nonbelieving.

At this point, you can’t name a single one of Billy Graham’s friends who drifted with the tide of theological liberalism; but Billy changed the world.

2. Bible

Graham’s conviction yielded a profound, often mysterious authority. Again and again, on public talk shows with Phil Donahue, Larry King or Johnny Carson, his hosts would clarify or challenge what he was saying. “You aren’t actually saying…” they would begin. And Graham would interrupt to say, “No, Johnny, I’m not saying this. The Bible says this,” and then quote a verse of Scripture.

A number of well-meaning Bible teachers today say things like, “Well, people no longer accept the authority of the Bible, so saying ‘The Bible says so’ has no more weight in our culture.” And yet, no one in history has reached more people, from different cultures across six continents, than Billy Graham. People in Russia, Korea and vast parts of Eastern Europe may have completely rejected the authority of the Bible, but that didn’t keep Graham from seeing incredible fruit there.

What characterized his preaching was his utter reliance on God’s self-authenticating Word. How often he retreated into it made even his most skeptical interlocutors curious: Why would such a bold, intelligent and successful man put all his confidence there? Many nonbelievers became so intrigued about the book that he really believed was the Word of God that they picked it up. And as they read it, many because convinced, as he was, that it was the Word of God. Their hearts “burned within them” as he preached, because he preached with a conviction that God’s Word and the gospel were true.

I am not saying that we should believe the Bible “just because” or that we should abandon any attempt to show why we believe the Bible is the Word of God. But Jesus says that divine life flows from Scripture, and those who speak with authority and transform the world have at the core of their message, “Thus says the Lord.”

3. Simplicity

If you go back and listen to Billy Graham’s messages, you’ll be struck by their simplicity. He really saw himself, like the Apostle Paul, not as a wise man unveiling religious mysteries, but as a simple herald (2 Timothy 1:11). What J.I. Packer said of Paul was true of Graham:

“Paul in his own estimation was not a philosopher, not a moralist, not the world’s wisest man, but simply Christ’s herald. Paul’s royal master had given him a message to proclaim. His whole business therefore was to deliver that message with exact and studious faithfulness. He added nothing, altered nothing, omitted nothing.”

4. Integrity

Graham took integrity so seriously that many in churches today know of the “Billy Graham Rule”—Graham would not meet with, travel with or eat alone with a woman other than his wife. He knew that Satan wanted to disqualify his ministry, and he was fierce in his efforts to remain above reproach. The “Billy Graham Rule” has come under a lot of fire in recent years (and there are often good reasons to modify it), but in light of the number of high profile pastors who fall due to moral failure every year, we could use a good deal more of this kind of integrity.

One of my favorite stories illustrating Graham’s dedication to purity: Graham was staying in a hotel, and made his usual request to the hotel staff to turn off the cable in his room so that he wouldn’t be tempted to watch anything he shouldn’t. They refused, and since it was too late to find a room at another hotel, Graham did what he thought he needed to: He yanked the cable right out of the wall. He made sure to pay for the damage, but his nonchalant response to the whole situation was perfect: “We can replace the television cable; we can’t replace integrity.”

Graham’s power flowed out of his walk with God. It wasn’t just a matter of sexual purity, either. Graham displayed a radically generous spirit with his money. As high profile as he was, it would have been easy to get rich off of his ministry. But as donations came in, he was open-handed in giving that money away. He had a message to proclaim, and would not be bought, no matter the price. As one pope said about John Calvin, “This heretic gains all his power by his utter disregard for money.”

As Graham often noted, the methods of how God works in the world change from generation to generation. But the core principles that shape ministry do not. Where are the preachers today characterized by these four qualities?

This article originally appeared here.

Building a Culture of Spiritually Intentional Relationships

Mark Dever

October 3, 2017

Most Active Does Not Equal Most Fruitful

Could it be that the most active members of your congregation are the least fruitful? Consider for a moment: in God’s sight, not all activity carries equal value. Not even all church activity. In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul uses the image of a farmer to describe the process of planting a church. “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth” (v. 6). Then as Paul transitions to the image of a builder to describe the growth of this church, it becomes clear that some church activity counts as worthless.

According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw—each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. (3:10–15)

What a sobering picture. On the last day, God will reveal every action—even every word (Matt. 12:36)—for its true value. Despite the best of motives, some church activity will be judged as worthless.

In our churches, opportunities for wasted effort abound. Think of “fellowship” that is nothing more than virulent exchange of gossip. Think of people attending sermons and not listening. Think of endless rehearsals by a tone-deaf choir that, on further reckoning, merely distracts the congregation from worship. Think of cookbook sales, charity auctions and 10km races that consume enormous time for relatively small spiritual gain. All these things—fellowship events, sermons, choirs and fund-raisers—can bear real spiritual fruit. But sometimes they don’t.

In fact, church activity may especially attract the least spiritual. If there are any in your congregation who, like the Galatians, began “with the Spirit” but now seek to be “perfected by the flesh” (Gal. 3:3), they will likely be consumed with activity. What better shows that we are worthy of God’s affection than throwing ourselves into activity at church? The infrastructure and inner workings of your church offer more than sufficient cover for the works-focused person to take shelter from the gospel. In fact, some of the most active members of your church may in fact be the least spiritual.

Value in Relationships

So where can we invest to bring about eternally lasting fruit? We can invest in spiritually intentional relationships. Love for other Christians shows us to be true Christians (1 John 2:10–11). Love for other Christians demonstrates the power of the gospel to the watching world (John 13:35). Love for other Christians makes for an eternally rewarding investment (Luke 16:9). Love for other Christians is primarily how we live out the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23).

As a general rule, church activity that builds into relationships will last; activity that doesn’t, won’t. After all, people are eternal; everything else will pass away. Of course, exceptions exist: We can erect infrastructure that supports the relational work of the local church (managing church financial records, for example). But by and large, the lasting work of the church is the relational work of the church.

But not any relationships will do. The New Testament describes how Christians are to confront, to encourage, to discipline, to confess sin and so forth. In the church, we want to see relationships where it is normal to talk about spiritual things. Not where conversation is never about football or kids or politics—but where a conversation with no spiritual grounding would be unusual.

How do we encourage this culture in our churches?

The Four Ps

As church leaders, it’s tempting to seek structural solutions to cultural problems. We see something we’d like to change about the basic instincts and habits of our church, and we look for the policy we can write to fix it all. For example, consider the example of a pastor desiring to instill a culture of discipling by assigning each church member to a mentoring relationship. Or a church that tries to instill a culture of intentional relationships by requiring each member to join a small group. Or a church that tries to become more neighborhood-focused by “outlawing” small groups outside a fixed geographic area. Sometimes a structural change can be a helpful companion when shifting culture. But if church policy is your main tool for promoting a culture of intentional relationships, I fear that whatever changes you see will be short-lived. Instead, consider four P’s that can lead to persistent cultural change.

Personal example. A culture change does not happen overnight; rather, it is a slow process trickling through the congregation. One person begins investing intentionally in the lives of a few others, who in turn catch the vision and begin living in the same way. Do not undervalue the long-term power of good examples. Select church leaders who model the type of church culture you want (1 Pet. 5:3). Hold up as examples those faithful church members who invest in relationships even though they don’t participate in many church programs. And encourage your own friends in the church to be good examples themselves.
Preaching. Remember, the best church policies in the world cannot change the hearts of your congregation. Where does supernatural change begin? It begins with a spark of faith, ignited as our people hear the Word of Christ. Do not undervalue the ability of faithful preaching to change church culture.

The Compelling Community

Mark Dever, Jamie Dunlop

Written to help pastors guide their churches toward authentic fellowship, this book offers theological principles and practical advice related to the two crucial ingredients in a compelling community: commitment and diversity.

3. Prayer. Ask God to do this supernatural work in your own church. Many times, prayer is the most practical thing you “do” to encourage change.

4. Patience. Watching a culture of intentional relationships take root can feel like watching paint dry. We must have faith in the ordinary means of grace. As we preach faithfully, pray and model godly relationships, change will often happen. But as Christ’s servants, our job is not to “effect change.” It is to be faithful. We work diligently to guide our churches in the right direction. And then as much as we long for change, we can rest content with whatever pace our Lord deems best. In fact, the richest harvest from our toil may only become visible long after our time on earth is finished. As Charles Bridges said so well, “The seed may lie under the clods till we lie there, and then spring up.”

This article was written by Jamie Dunlop and Mark Dever and originally appeared here.

Hidden, Dangerous, Contagious: 10 Church Diseases You Should Know

Chuck Lawless

October 3, 2017

In the 1990s, Peter Wagner published The Healthy Church, a book describing several diseases that churches sometimes exhibit. Some of his descriptions are quite helpful (e.g., koinonitis = excessive, inward fellowship), and the list itself challenges readers to come up with their own descriptions.

Here are 10 diseases I see as I consult with unhealthy churches around the country:

1. Community Disconnect Disease.

Churches with this disease meet within a given community, but they do not know that community. Often, church members drive to the church building, meet as “church” and then drive home—without ever taking note of a changing community around them.

In fact, I’ve seen church members with this disease lock their doors as they drive through the community where their congregation gathers.

2. Methodological Arthritis.

I give credit to my former student Kevin Minchey for naming this condition. The name says it all: This church is stuck in doing things the way they’ve always done them.

Change (that is, movement) is painful, and it’s seemingly easier not to take a step forward. What these churches often don’t recognize is that standing still is also risky.

Eventually, they will not move at all.

3. The “Grass Is Greener” Syndrome.

This syndrome is a malady of leaders who are always looking for the next church leadership position. They establish no roots, and their current congregation is only a stepping-stone to the next place. Because they are always looking elsewhere, they miss the present tense blessings of their ministry.

And, though leaders think otherwise, a church often recognizes when its leader has this syndrome.

After the Shooting: Las Vegas Pastor Has Never Seen the City So Open to the Gospel

Megan Briggs

October 3, 2017

Pastor Chris Marlin and his wife, Katherine, moved to Las Vegas three years ago to serve a church called Grace City. Marlin calls Vegas a “city of transplants” that oftentimes doesn’t feel like much of a community. But after the tragic events of October 1, 2017, Marlin has hope that the city—and the church in particular—can come together to bring about positive change.

“We’re sin city and the biggest thing we need is for Jesus to break through here,” Marlin says.

We caught up with Pastor Marlin to hear his thoughts on how the church can be the church to Las Vegas as it attempts to heal from Sunday’s shooting.

Q: What is it like to live in Las Vegas?

A: We are a city of transplants. Hardly anybody is born and raised here… There’s not a whole lot of city pride… Everyone moves here to make money while you’re a millennial. Maybe you stay until you’re 35 or 40 and then you try to get out.

[The mass shooting] has brought the city together more than anything. In terms of blood banks, they’re at capacity. Everyone I know is collecting gift cards or food and passing out water.

Q: What has your church done to minister to people in the city?

A: We walked the strip yesterday and were praying for people and offering prayer. It was the strangest experience I’ve ever had on the strip. And then my wife and other people went to UNLV (University of Nevada, Las Vegas) and were praying for people there. Especially at UNLV, people are really shaken up and open to things that they haven’t been open to before.

We got to pray for a number of people that I don’t think would claim Jesus as Lord. But one [of our worship leaders], her name’s Lia, felt like the Lord highlighted this woman to her on the bridge as we were walking across Las Vegas Boulevard. She went and she started talking to her, and this woman has three children: One’s in Puerto Rico, one’s in Florida, and one’s in Houston. So, all three of her kids in the last month have lost almost everything because of a hurricane hitting each one of those places. And her husband died two months ago.

This woman used to be in faith, and for almost understandable reasons, has walked away. And she just wept with Lia as Lia prayed for her and shared the gospel with her…and got to pray and speak hope and life into her. This woman actually was at the concert and what she believes was a nine-year-old boy died in her arms. This woman is homeless and she’s hopeless… The woman said, “You know, I thought I was going to go get drunk after this because there is no hope in my life anymore.”

I’ve surveyed our church. There are some people that go straight to meeting physical needs while others of us went out and prayed for people. That’s the body of Christ, where some people are going to be more given to [one form of service than another].

Q: What have you learned from this experience that you can offer to pastors who are trying to help people cope with trauma?

A: The thing I’ve learned most in my few years here is to not come in—especially in times like this—with an agenda. As people are vulnerable (and this is such a time for Kingdom expansion), I don’t want to just let people get through their stories so I can jump straight to how Jesus fixes that. I want to truly be invested in what they’re saying. And of course I’m going to present the gospel because that’s the only thing that truly heals, but I think if we come in with too heavy of an agenda…I think we could maybe do more wounding than even help. But if we truly love the person in front of us—and it’s slower and it’s less efficient, but it’s more real—then we might help less people because it’s going to take longer, but Jesus really loved the one who was in front of him. I think really not coming in with an agenda to shell out the gospel as quickly as we can but actually listen and then say, “How would Jesus respond in this incident?” It might be slower than we would like.

No one wants you to be selling them something in the midst of tragedy. If our primary objective is to love that person, the gospel is going to come out as a natural flow instead of as you’re vulnerable, let me push this on you.

What specific prayer and action points can you offer those who are eager to help Las Vegas?

Prayer points:
1. Pray for the Kingdom to break through. Marlin says he’s never seen people in Las Vegas so open to the gospel than they seem to be in the face of this tragedy.

2. Pray that churches won’t use this as a time to fight against each other, but that “there would be a real unity among churches in the city.”

3. Pray for Christians in Las Vegas to actually go out and be the church. Marlin hopes that there would be “church happening on the corner of Las Vegas Boulevard and Tropicana, and there would be church happening at the airport, and all these other places.”

4. Pray for the move of unity that is happening, especially among younger, smaller churches. Marlin hopes the churches in Vegas would not be hindered by things like territorialism but would focus on a common, Kingdom mission. “Pray that my church would work with the big one and the newest one, and whatever.”

What you can do:
1. Look for reputable churches or organizations on the ground you can give to.

2. Consider sending a team from your church to Grace City or another Las Vegas church to assist in their evangelism efforts. Marlin says his church is ready to receive teams and they have a program already in place through their School of Ministry. More information is available on their site or by contacting info@gracecityvegas.com

Pastor Chris Marlin moved to Las Vegas in 2014 to intern with Grace City after feeling God leading him to leave his job in corporate finance. He is passionate about teaching the Bible and being a part of a family on mission. Chris is now the lead pastor of Grace City Vegas, a church on mission to see Sin City transformed into Grace City.

5 Keys to Lead Children’s Ministry for the Long-Term

Greg Baird

October 2, 2017

We all want to lead our ministry well. We want it to thrive. We want it to grow. We want it to succeed. And we want to lead in a manner so that we do all of these things personally, as well.

That can be a challenge.

It’s easy to get sidetracked. To get distracted and busy. To focus on things that catch our eye but, in the end, don’t matter as much. Like program. Is program important? Absolutely! But often we focus so intently on program that we forget all the pillars that should be in place to hold program up. As a result, we are constantly feeding the program beast and that requires short-term thinking. We want to lead for the long-term…

5 Keys to Lead Children’s Ministry for the Long-Term

1. Prioritize Spiritual Formation

In your own life. Yes, really! I’ve seen far too many church leaders become “professional” Christians. Don’t let this happen. Practice the spiritual disciplines. Worship. Stay in the Word and in prayer daily. Pursue personal spiritual formation. Let your ministry flow from your own spiritual life…not the other way around.
In your ministry. Yes, really! Too many of us replace a real plan for spiritual formation with program. Program—no matter how creative or captivating—is not a plan for spiritual formation. Read this again: Program—no matter how creative or captivating—is not a plan for spiritual formation. Here’s the question I like to ask as I work with churches: If a child were to go through your children’s ministry from birth through preteen, what is the specific plan for spiritual formation along every stage of that journey? If you can’t answer that, you probably don’t have a real plan for spiritual formation.

2. Protect Your Family

Perhaps the most important way to ensure longevity in your leadership is to protect your family. I love Jim Wideman’s quote: “You cannot sacrifice your family on the altar of your ministry.”

Do you want to lead well? Do you want to influence others? Do you want to stay in leadership? Protect your family.

Of course, the primary reason for protecting your family is for the sake of your family. Long after your ministry is gone, your family will still be with you. They are worth protecting, and a benefit of doing so is increasing your ability to lead for the long-term.

3. Promote Vision

First, do you have a clear and compelling vision for your ministry? Second, can you articulate that clear and compelling vision in a manner which influences others? If the answer to either is “no” or “I don’t know,” you need to work on both.

Beyond that, make sure that you are focused on promoting the defined vision. Make sure every decision made is in support of that vision. Make sure that you share the vision with potential leaders. Make sure that your facilities, your program, your systems and procedures, your staff meetings, your training, your…everything!…is pointed straight at that defined, clear and compelling vision.

4. Pursue Leaders, Not Followers

Do you want things done better? Do you want to lighten your load? Do you want greater enthusiasm and engagement in children’s ministry? Do you want more volunteers?

Pursue leaders.

And don’t try to do so by “recruiting” volunteers…volunteers fill spots to complete a task they’ve been asked to complete. Instead, pursue leaders with an invitation to invest in that grand, clear and compelling vision. When you find them, invest heavily in developing them.

5. People, People, People

If you are a leader in children’s and/or family ministry, your job is about people—adult people.

Can I be direct? Almost always, someone else can and should be:

Getting the crafts ready
Distributing curriculum
Setting up chairs
Processing paperwork
Scheduling volunteers

And I could go on and on with the “tasks” that I so often see children’s ministry leaders giving themselves to rather than investing in people. Now don’t misunderstand me…I’m NOT saying the leader should be “above” doing those things. And of course we all have to do these types of things sometimes. But if you are the one primarily responsible for tasks such as these, or if you regularly have to do these types of tasks, then you are limiting your ministry and leadership potential.

I’ve had the privilege of being a children’s and/or family pastor in a churches of 250, 2,500, 4,500 and 7,500. Guess what? It was the same in all of them. My job as a leader is to invest in people…to equip and develop people to pursue the ministry vision…period.

What have you learned will help you lead for the long-term?

This article originally appeared here.

Pastor, Everything Builds Toward Sunday

Ronnie Floyd

October 2, 2017

In every church, ministries are plentiful and opportunities abound. Pastor, let’s remember: Everything builds toward Sunday!

Refuse to Be Distracted

If we are not extremely intentional, we can become so busy doing many good things that we are not doing the main things that will help us advance the gospel in our region and move the entire week toward Sunday. Remember, everything builds toward Sunday!

Be Careful Becoming Cause-Driven

Causes are driving so many Christians today. People hear about or become involved in a cause, and in time, move their energies and resources toward them. Again, this may be a good thing, but we cannot be driven by our causes alone.

We can only be driven by Jesus’ commission, His Great Commission: Going, winning, baptizing and discipling.

Whatever we are involved in during the week, including any good causes, we must remember: Everything builds toward Sunday!

Why Do We Do What We Do? Everything Builds Toward Sunday!

Scripture says Sunday is The Lord’s Day: Each Sunday is Resurrection Sunday!

The church gathering in obedience to God’s Word to celebrate the death, burial and the victorious resurrection of Jesus Christ is why we worship on Sunday! Sundays are not for the things of this world that distract us: leisure, recreation and, yes, even family time. Sundays are for worship!

Recently, I told our people, “We do not believe infrequent church attendance is God’s will for your life, nor is it a good testimony of your faith or our church.”

Sunday Is About Life Change!

Every act of compassion we are involved in during the week, Bible Study we teach or attend, mentoring session we conduct or participate in, or any cause-related matter we think is important must all conclude with an ask and an arrow!

The Ask: Will you join me this Sunday in worship?

The Arrow: Listen, we are doing what we are doing because we believe in Jesus’ church that gathers for worship on Sundays, and we want you to join our spiritual family this Sunday!

Pastor, there is nothing like Sunday! As the church gathers to worship Jesus Christ, lives are changed!

Sunday Is the Day to be With Your Spiritual Family, Jesus’ Church!

People say at times, “Sunday is a family day for us.” The priority should be spending Sunday with your Spiritual Family, Jesus’ Church! On the Lord’s Day, His family first, then your family.

Here is a Fact: There is nothing any greater you can do for your family, on Sunday, than to spend it together with Jesus’ family!

We need to be careful not to turn our families into idols. Sundays are for worshiping Jesus, not our families.

Sunday Is the Day We Deliver the Word of God!

Teaching and preaching the Word of God weekly can result in great life-change and Christian maturity. Attending online is good when you are sick or absolutely have to be away, but personally, every family needs to be together with your local spiritual family…his church!

There is NO replacement for it! There is nothing like being with your spiritual family, worshiping Jesus Christ, and leading in and being ministered to from the Word of God.

Pastor, there is nothing like Sunday! Pray for it daily, work toward it continually, and trust God to move like it is your last Sunday on this earth. Make each Sunday count!

This article originally appeared here.

Impact of Sexualized Music on Teens: A Closer Look

Jonathan McKee

October 2, 2017

What’s the impact of sexualized music on teens? Explore the ramifications of secular lyrics on young people. And discover what youth ministers and parents can do about this.

It’s a good time to ask that when a chart-topping song says, “I want to show my mouth your favorite places. Let me trespass your danger zones until I make you scream.”

When I speak to parents, I provide a glimpse into the world of youth culture. The apps young people frequent (on their smartphones at an average of two hours and 38 minutes a day). The games they’re playing (teen boys play an average of 56 minutes per day). And the music they’re soaking in (at an average of one hour and 54 minutes per day) (Media Use by Tweens and Teens, page 19 and 31).

Sometimes I play YouTube videos or show lyrics of the top dozen songs for parents to see firsthand. The reaction is always the same: “I didn’t know it was this bad!”

Well, I’ve been doing a long time, and I’ve never seen the top songs this bad. Eleven of the top 12 are sensual, overtly sexual, or about hookups. (And that’s not even considering the violence, language, etc.)

What’s the impact of sexualized music on teens? I’ll show you the research. First, though, let me give you a quick tour. After you sample what kids are hearing, the research will make perfect sense.

And if you’re offended by these lyrics—good! I hope you are. Because these are just the most popular songs (literally) that young people are listening to right now on their devices.

Here’s the top 12 on the charts from September 2017:

Billboard magazine does the chore of translating what they describe as “less than innocent” lyrics. Lyrics like the ones I posted above, or “I want to undress you in kisses slowly, firmly in the walls of your labyrinth.” (I’ll leave that interpretation up to you.) The music video is ridiculously sensual.

We shouldn’t expect much from a song that opens with Rihanna singing, “Know you wanna see me nakey, nakey, naked.” Butit gets worse, like when Bryson Tiller kicks in:

I heard that p**sy for the taking
I heard it got these other n**gas goin’ crazy
Yeah, I treat you like a lady, lady
f**k you ’til you’re burned out, cremation (burned out)
Make it cream, yeah …

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more explicit than Wild Thoughts, ex stripper Cardi B chimes in bragging about her expensive shoes, her accomplishments and what she will do with your boyfriend. She gets specific:

I might just feel on your babe, my p**sy feel like a lake
He wanna swim with his face, I’m like, “Okay”

It’s nice to see this song in the top of the charts, literally the only song that isn’t about hooking up, shooting someone or bragging how rich they are.

Take a breath … it’s the only one on the list.

The music video for this is very sensual; the song, tame compared the rest of this list. It’s just a story of a girl who is trying to get the attention of a guy she broke up with by putting on a sexy dress and “going round every party in LA “cause you knew that I’d be at one.” No solutions, just drama.

But what do we expect? After-school-special solutions? I don’t think songs about “doing your homework” or “sharing your lunch with a homeless guy” are making the charts right now. (I’d settle for a song about walking your beagle? Anyone? Couldn’t that be a hit? Maybe not.)

Continue

What You Need to Know About the Millennial Exodus from Church

Carolyn Custis James

October 2, 2017

The Millennial exodus is very real. Regarding Millennials leaving church, David Kinnaman with the Barna Group says that “Christianity has an image problem among American youth.”

Millennials Leaving Church

In his ominously titled book The End of White Christian America, Robert P. Jones (CEO, Public Religion Research Institute) chronicles the demise of the white American church.

Among the symptoms that have led to this terminal diagnosis, Jones identifies a “major force of change in the religious landscape: young adults’ rejection of organized religion. Young adults are three times as likely as seniors to claim no religious affiliation.”

These aren’t just un-churched youths, which would be bad enough. Young people—even those raised by Christian parents, who’ve grown up in the church, walked the aisle, given their lives to Jesus, gone on mission trips and graduated from Christian colleges—are leaving the American church in droves.

Many view this ongoing exodus as a catastrophic development for the church that cannot be taken lightly. This isn’t simply about declining numbers. The future of the church’s mission is at stake. According to many millennials, something is deeply wrong with the white evangelical church. And they are voting with their feet.

The unchecked bleeding of any organism will prove fatal sooner or later. Far too much is at stake if we ignore this millennial exodus or chalk it up to normal generational differences, assuming that in time they will “come to their senses.”

So far, this trend is not reversing. If we cannot manage to keep and mobilize our own, how can we hope effectively to reach others of this rising generation?

What Post-Evangelical Millennials Are Saying About the Millennial Exodus

A 2006 Barna survey of 16- to 29-year-olds found “three attributes young Americans associated with ‘present day Christianity’ were being antigay (91 percent), judgmental (87 percent) and hypocritical (85 percent).”

From time to time, various evangelical leaders and organizations circulate political and theological statements and manifestos regarding issues they collectively consider paramount—mainly, abortion and gay marriage. To which journalist Jonathan Merritt (son of a former Southern Baptist Convention president) responded with what Jones describes as “the literary equivalent of a shrug.” Merritt (a millennial himself) argued that these statements create what he called “a false hierarchy of issues, with older generations contending that only a few hot button issues are worthy of attention.”

According to Merritt,

Younger Christians believe that our sacred Scriptures compel us to offer a moral voice on a broad range of issues… The Bible speaks often about life and sexuality, but it also speaks often on other issues, like poverty, equality, justice, peace and care of creation. (141)

Millennials inhabit the 21st century and the changes and opportunities it offers. They aren’t contemplating returning to a long-gone era that their parents and grandparents nostalgically long for. Their friendships are crossing gender and racial lines. They’re not interested in internal debates that captivate and divide evangelicals. Issues the institutional church deems threatening and hills to die on are non-issues to them.

How to Get the Most Out of Your Life

Derwin Gray

October 2, 2017

Pastors have a lot going on. We have to be present mentally, emotionally and physically in many circumstances throughout each week. We often have families that are, or should be, a priority. We have responsibilities that pull us in many directions daily.

As the lead pastor for a church as well as a speaker, author and doctoral student, I’m often asked, “Pastor, what is the key to your productivity?” Here are some principles I like to remember in order to be productive and try to maximize my God-given potential.

1. Know your calling

We are all first called to receive, embrace and live from the life of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. In response to the love of God, through the Holy Spirit’s power, we grow in our love for God.

For me, after that, I am called to love my wife and then my children.

I am called to serve and shepherd Transformation Church.

I am called to influence and encourage other pastors.

I am called to be an author.

I am called to complete a doctorate in the New Testament in context.

The specifics of your calling will differ, but by knowing and stewarding our callings, we can be free of the “tyranny of the urgent.” Once we clearly define our priorities, then if it’s not on that list, we really need to consider if it’s the best use of our time and other resources.

2. Simplify and declutter your life

A lack of productivity in people’s lives is often the result of not knowing our calling and having a cluttered life, filled with activities but not production.

In our 21st-century world, choices are everywhere, and we often clutter our lives with too many options because we are afraid we are going to miss out on something. The older I get, the more I realize that by doing less, I can accomplish more because I can focus my energy and abilities into my calling. God did not put us here to do everything but to do his specific assignments.

3. Focus

In a world of Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, Netflix binges and Internet connectivity, we can easily lose focus on our callings. To concentrate on one thing in a world where peripheral things are calling our names constantly, mental toughness is required. Set limits and add accountability to help block out the noise.

4. Be disciplined

In this case, I define discipline as doing what you are supposed to do when it’s supposed to be done. There is too much at stake for the people I love and for me to not be disciplined. I often hear people complain about not being productive. Often the reason is a lack of discipline.

5. Be ready to sacrifice

To really own your calling and be productive, it will require great sacrifice. I was working out with my son on a hot day in the local high school football stadium. No one was there, just him and me. I said, “Son, this is where greatness is cultivated, in the stadium, when no one is here watching you. A lot of your friends are at home playing video games, but you are out here sacrificing to develop your God-given talent. Greatness requires great sacrifice.” The great Muhammad Ali put it this way, “The fight is won or lost far away from the witnesses, behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road; long before I dance under those lights.” What do you need to sacrifice to develop your God-given gift(s)?

6. Surround yourself with great people.

My late grandmother used to tell me, “Birds of a feather flock together.” I learned that the people I surround myself with will influence and determine where I go in life. I’ve learned to invite around me people who love Jesus, who are smarter than me, and who stretch and pull God-given talent out of me.

So, how do you discover your calling?

Most importantly, how do you discover your calling? We discover our calling by being intimate (“into me you see”) with Jesus. The closer we are to him, the more we will know that he’s shaped us to leave our unique imprints on the world. This takes time; be patient.

We can learn to rely on the power of the One who called us to be productive for his glory, our joy, and for the sake of the world: “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me“ (1 Cor. 15:10, ESV).

Marinate on that.

This article originally appeared here.

Pastor, Remember Your Wife Is the MOST Vulnerable Person in Your Church

Joe McKeever

October 2, 2017

We’re all vulnerable.

Everyone who walks in the church door can be helped or hurt in what happens during the next hour. Whether saint or sinner, preacher or pew-sitter, oldtimer or newcomer, child or geezer, everyone is vulnerable and should be treated respectfully, faithfully, carefully.

No one in the church family is more vulnerable than the pastor’s wife.

She is the key figure in the life of the pastor and plays the biggest role in his success or failure. (Note: I am fully aware that in some churches the pastor is a woman. In such cases, what follows would hardly pertain to her household.)

And yet, many churches treat her as an unpaid employee, an uncalled assistant pastor, an always-available office volunteer, a biblical expert and a psychological whiz.

She is almost always a reliable helper as well as an under-appreciated servant.

You might not think so, but she is the most vulnerable person in the building. That is to say, she is the single most likely person to become the victim of malicious gossip, sneaky innuendo, impossible expectations and pastoral frustrations.

The pastor’s wife can be hurt in a hundred ways—through attacks on her husband, her children, herself. Her pain is magnified by one great reality: She cannot fight back.

She cannot give a certain member a piece of her mind for criticizing the pastor’s children, cannot straighten out the deacon who is making life miserable for her husband, cannot stand up to the finance committee who, once again, failed to approve a needed raise, or the building and grounds committee that postponed repair work on the pastorium.

She has to take it in silence, most of the time.

It takes the best Christian in the church to be a pastor’s wife and pull it off. And that’s the problem: In most cases, she’s pretty much the same kind of Christian as everyone else. When the enemy attacks, she bleeds.

The pastor’s wife has no say-so in how the church is run and receives no pay, yet she has a lot to do with whether her husband gets called to that church and succeeds once he arrives.

That’s why I counsel pastors to include with their resume a photo of their family. The search committee will want to see the entire family, particularly the pastor’s wife, and will try to envision whether they would “fit” in “our” church.

The pastor’s wife occupies no official position, was not the object of a church vote and gives no regular reports to the congregation on anything. And yet, no one person in the church is more influential in making the pastor a success—or a resounding failure—than she.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Inadequate as a Leader

Carey Nieuwhof

October 2, 2017

If you’ve led anything, you’re likely familiar with the feeling.

You wonder whether you have what it takes.

Maybe you even wonder how you got this job/task/assignment/responsibility.

And you just don’t know if you can accomplish the responsibility you’ve been given.

I felt this again yesterday. I was getting up to preach (something I’ve done for over 25 years), and for some reason, my main thought 60 seconds before I was scheduled to begin was: “I don’t think I have anything helpful to say.”

You’d think after decades of senior leadership, those thoughts would disappear. And if you think that, you’d be wrong.

So much in leadership is a mental game—an important game. What you think ultimately determines what you do (or don’t do).

And if you think that’s just talk, I promise you that every day there are leaders who hold back, scale back and even quit entirely because they feel inadequate, when in fact, they were very much up to the call.

And that plays right into the enemy’s hands.

If you take yourself out, the enemy won’t have to. He’s already won.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you’re the right person in the wrong role. Sometimes you should back off and walk away.

But most days, for most people, that’s just not true. Far too many leaders quit moments before their critical breakthrough.

So what should you do when you feel inadequate as a leader?

Try asking yourself these five questions.

1. Are You Tired?

You know what one of my problems was Sunday morning?

I was tired.

I had woken up at 3:30 a.m. on Sunday morning (which is even early for me). By the time the services rolled around, I was pretty much spent; it had been a full week, and I didn’t have a normal day off.

Your emotions tell you all kinds of things that aren’t true when you’re tired. And mine were telling me things that I knew objectively weren’t true.

I felt like just deciding not to preach that morning, or having the production crew play back the 9:00 service at 10:30. Had I let that thought train ride all the way, I might have just decided to stop preaching entirely. Maybe my time is done. Maybe I have nothing to add, ever.

Sure, I wasn’t even close to throwing in the towel, but get tired enough for long enough and you never know what you’ll do. In my seasons where my fatigue pushed me toward burnout, my mind has gone in many unhelpful directions.

Emotional decisions are terrible decisions.

If you’re tired, the cure is simple: Get some sleep. You’ll see and think better in the morning.

2. Are You Unprepared?

Sometimes you may feel inadequate. But drill down a little deeper and you’ll realize you’re not inadequate, you’re just unprepared.

Sometimes you just didn’t study hard enough, prepare early enough or do enough background research. (I had done a lot of study for this message and had written it weeks in advance, so even that wasn’t rationally the reason I was struggling.)

Sure, all of us struggle with imposter symptom to some extent (Is this the day they figure out I don’t really know what I’m doing?), but almost no one is fully qualified for the work to which they’re called.

I still have recurring dreams/nightmares that I’m scheduled to give a sermon or a conference talk and show up completely unprepared, get hustled out on stage and have to wing it.

In reality, I prepare weeks ahead of time for virtually everything I am asked to do.

At least that levels the playing field.

But if you’re struggling with whether or not you’re adequate, ask yourself, are you well prepared? If not, prepare.

Life is unkind to the unprepared, so prepare.

3. What Are Other People Thinking And Saying?

How you feel is one thing.

But most leaders are not the best judges of how well they’re doing.

You will most likely think you’re doing better than you really are, or that you’re doing worse than you are.

Honest feedback will help you figure that out.

You get a much better perspective on the true state of things by learning how are other people feeling. What are they thinking?

What other people think about you can be incredibly grounding.

So, what great people do you have around you that could give you some perspective on how things are going?

Continue

3 Ways to Pray for Las Vegas: It’s a Powerful (Not Political) Act for Christians

Ed Stetzer

October 2, 2017

This morning, most Americans are waking up to news of another mass shooting—this time in Las Vegas—and, this time, the worst in our country’s history.

We will sit in front of the TV, our regular morning routine put on hold as we see the all-too-familiar images of police setting up barricades, victims being evacuated and a slowly increasing casualty count scrolling across the bottom of the screen. In our shock, we often default to news consumption, waiting on every bit of information:

Who was the shooter and why did he do this?

What about the wounded?

What does this mean moving forward?

What needs to change in our country?

These questions are important questions, but let me propose for Christians that after we have learned of the shooting, we turn away a moment from news consumption and turn toward prayer.

#ThoughtsAndPrayers?

I wrote in response to San Bernardino that prayer is often depicted as “not enough” or, even worse, as political posturing. But Scripture both models and teaches that prayer is central to the Christian life. Regrettably, #ThoughtsAndPrayers was already trending this morning on Twitter, but not in a good way.

Some will criticize politicians for their prayers today, calling them to action. But, I’m not a lawmaker and I think prayer is action. Not the only action needed, but a good one right now in this moment.

I don’t know all the details and I am not in Las Vegas, but I do have a heavenly father who hears my prayers as I cry out to him.

Here are three things you can pray for this morning as you process these news stories.

Read this: After the Shooting: Las Vegas Pastor Has Never Seen the City So Open to the Gospel

1. Pray for the Victims

As of this morning there are at least 50 people dead and over 200 injured. As was the case with Orlando, San Bernardino, Newton and others in recent memory, mass casualty attacks invariably leave a wake of destruction. And, if we are honest, in addition to feeling sadness, we are angry. Indeed, if we look at Scripture, we find that this response is normal.

As those who want to see God’s kingdom come here on earth, our anger is a reflection of how things are not right in this world. In fact, our anger can spur us on to greater love and deeper prayer for God’s healing and shalom to come during times of great tragedy like this.

As we recognize our anger, we then pray with an attitude of confession and expectation. Nehemiah’s prayer in chapter one is an example of one receiving terrible news of devastation far away. He started his prayer and fasting by confessing his own sin. He then gave himself to the task and expected that God would empower him to be a blessing. So can we.

So we pray for healing for the survivors and for their loved ones. We ask God to bring not only physical and emotional healing, but spiritual assistance. This spiritual assistance takes many forms—words of encouragement from believers spoken at the right time and in the right attitude, reminders that we have a God who cares for us and who himself is familiar with great pain, etc.

2. Pray for Our Civic Leaders

In the political division we face, praying for our civic leaders can be difficult for many of us. This past week has been a good example of that.

Of course, people will bring lots of issues to these conversations. But, when a national tragedy occurs, before we begin arguing about who is right and wrong and why this happened and how we can stop it, we first sit in the pain and weep with those who weep.

Indeed, questions of mental health, gun laws and the source of the hate are, indeed, appropriate questions to ask and discuss. But 1 Timothy 2:1-2 actually commands us to pray in intercession and thanksgiving for “kings and all those in authority.” Leading through crisis is harrowing and can be magnified by everyone looking to you for answers. The president, Congress, and local law enforcement are not only grieving as we are, but are responsible to lead in the aftermath.

Regardless of our political divisions and how personally difficult it is to pray for certain civic officials, our faith demands that we submit ourselves in humility to praying for our leaders. You can join me in praying for Las Vegas sheriff Joseph Lombardo, Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman, Nevada governor Brian Sandoval and President Trump.

Pray honestly and fervently for their wisdom in navigating the treacherous roads ahead. Pray that they’d make wise choices for the safety of our nation and its people. Pray that they would have wisdom and discernment during the crisis so as to bring unity and leadership to those in need.

3. Pray for Las Vegas Churches

Las Vegas is often known as “sin city,” and (surely) some fool will say this is the judgement of God, forgetting that Bible-belt Houston was just hit with a hurricane. And, of course, some in the media will make that person that no one has ever heard of into a nationally prominent voice.

As Christ-followers, our place is not to judge, but to humble ourselves in unity with our brothers and sisters who are grieving.

We must pray for the churches in Las Vegas to be ministers of the gospel in the midst of this loss. As Paul asked of the early church in Colossians 4:3, we must pray that God would open a window for us to share the love of Christ in the midst of the pain. Just as God’s church has led the response to hurricane relief, pray that it would now again be a light in Las Vegas. They need all of our encouragement and support during this time.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I visited with my friend Vance Pitman of Hope Church in Las Vegas. Their church has been, as their name says, a bearer of hope for many years in Las Vegas, but that word takes on new meaning now.

And many other churches will bear that hope as well. And, we pray they will.

Going Forward on Our Knees

Now, we must do more than pray. Issues, some controversial, must be addressed. But, all of us can agree to pray in this moment.

Let’s pray for comfort for the hurting, echoing the words of Paul speaking of God, “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Cor. 1:4).

Then, we can pray the words of Jesus: “Thy kingdom come, thy will done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10). Clearly, the world is not as Jesus desires it to be, and we pray for him to make all things right. God’s kingdom is one that is holy and right and without pain and suffering. Lord Jesus, this is what we long for today and always.

Maranatha. Come quickly, Lord, and fix this broken world.

For us, #PrayForLasVegas is not a political act. It’s actually a powerful one.

This article originally appeared here.

Faith Leaders Respond to Deadliest Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Megan Briggs

October 2, 2017

A gunman opened fire into a crowd gathered in Las Vegas, Nevada, at a music festival on Sunday October 1, 2017. This morning following the attack last night, authorities have confirmed the present death toll of 50 people makes this the worst mass shooting in U.S. history.

The Vegas shooting surpassed the Pulse Night Club shooting in Orlando that occurred in June 2016 and left 49 people dead.

Around 22,000 people were gathered last night on the Las Vegas strip to attend the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival. The gunman, 64-year-old Stephen Paddock, used a vantage point from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel to shoot into the crowd.

BBC News reports authorities have no information so far about the motives of Paddock, and Sheriff Joe Lombardo said he acted as a “lone wolf.” However, police have located a woman, Marilou Danley, they believe was traveling with Paddock. Paddock lived in Mesquite, Nevada, located about 60 miles north of Las Vegas.

Faith and government leaders have responded to the tragedy on social media.

The general secretary responds to the mass shooting in #LasVegas with a call to prayer and action: https://t.co/P8DxyXIGiR pic.twitter.com/q8GDIQ3X3i

— Church & Society UMC (@umcjustice) October 2, 2017

In terrors of hell, let an increasingly disembodied Body of Christ be embodied again: warm skin to hold, serve & weep with the traumatized.

— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) October 2, 2017

We join many at home and abroad sending our thoughts and condolences to the victims and families of the attack in #LasVegas.

— Department of State (@StateDept) October 2, 2017

Praying for all involved in the devastating shooting in Las Vegas. Hard to find words. Christ have mercy ??

A post shared by Sheila Walsh (@sheilawalsh1) on Oct 2, 2017 at 6:51am PDT

The reports from Las Vegas are horrifying. Praying for the victims, the city, and for those who will minister in the aftermath.

— Russell Moore (@drmoore) October 2, 2017

Pray for the families of those killed and for the 100+ wounded in a shooting rampage last night in #LasVegas. #LasVegasShooting

— Franklin Graham (@Franklin_Graham) October 2, 2017

pic.twitter.com/04plk4CPrB

— Ronnie Floyd (@ronniefloyd) October 2, 2017

I had friends caught up in this hellish Las Vegas shooting. Thank God they are ok. This world needs saving.

— Brian Houston (@BrianCHouston) October 2, 2017

My warmest condolences and sympathies to the victims and families of the terrible Las Vegas shooting. God bless you!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 2, 2017

Prayers and tears for Vegas. Have been watching it unfold from Sweden over the past few hours. Heartbroken.

— Christine Caine (@ChristineCaine) October 2, 2017

Heartbroken over Vegas. Longing for the day when God wipes away every tear and there is no more death.

— Craig Groeschel (@craiggroeschel) October 2, 2017

#PrayforVegas: victims, families, & 1st responders who are impacted. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21 pic.twitter.com/vuge89YF1C

— James MacDonald (@jamesmacdonald) October 2, 2017

“Lord, we pray for comfort for those who have lost loved ones. We pray for the many 1st responders as well. Help and touch the wounded.”

— Greg Laurie (@greglaurie) October 2, 2017

Weeping with those who weep.

Maranatha, Lord.#prayforvegas

— Lauren Chandler (@laurenchandler) October 2, 2017

Halloween Trick-or-Treating: Yes or No?

Missy McKinnon

October 1, 2017

Halloween can be a very divisive holiday for Christians. There are people who think they should not celebrate in any way, and stay home with the lights off. And you have people on the other end of the spectrum who go Trick-or-Treating.

Growing up in the church, and my parents being Children’s Pastors, I was always at church on Halloween. They called it Hallelujah Harvest. Looking back, Hallelujah Harvest was a lot of fun, and we always got tons of candy. But, there was always a small part of me that felt like I was missing out.

Once I had my own kids, I did not want them to feel like they were left out of something. So, my husband and I decided that we would take our kids Trick-or-Treating.

My daughter, Andi, enjoying her candy after Trick-or-Treating last year.

That was, until last year.

I took my then 2-year-old daughter and 4-year-old nephew Trick-or-Treating around our neighborhood. We had moved into our house about four months earlier, so I didn’t know a lot about our neighbors or neighborhood. I did notice that a lot of them decorated for Halloween, so I was excited to give my daughter what I thought I had been deprived of.

We started walking around, and my daughter, who is very outgoing, loved it! She loved going up to people and knocking on their door and asking for candy—her favorite food group.

(One thing to note about Andi is that she is fearless, which is a great trait to have. She was never one to hang onto my pant leg. She walked up to strangers as if they were her best friend.)

About 20 minutes into our Trick-or-Treating adventure it started to get dark, and we walked up to a house that was decked out! I am talking they must have spent a small fortune decorating their house for Halloween. They even had a small skeleton that talked and moved when you walked past it.

I didn’t really think anything about it. But as Andi was running up to the door with her cousin, James, she stopped in her tracks. She was terrified. Up until this point I had never seen her scared. She ran back to me and I walked with her up to the front door. The owners of the home were very nice and not scary at all. But Andi squeezed my arm when we had to walk past the skeleton again.

It was in that moment that I understood why so many parents wanted a Halloween Alternative. My daughter is not prone to being scared, she jumps into everything head first. Yet that night, everything within me wanted to protect her from this fear. I instantly understood all those parents, who I had previously thought were crazy, who kept their kids home on Halloween.

We cannot protect our kids from fear, it will come. There are scary things in the world, but we cannot be moved by fear. Let’s teach our kids what to do when they feel scared.

I cannot tell you what you should do in your church. I can give you several different options that you can do for you church.

That is why I wanted to write this eBook. I know how to throw a great Halloween Party. I also knew that there were other great options out there as well. I had never heard of a Trunk-or-Treat until I was in college. So, I asked a couple of my friends who had put on successful Halloween events. I asked Charles Crowder if he could write about what their church does. They have had tons of people come to their Trunk-or-Treat every year.

Trick-or-Treating isn’t all bad either! My friend Sam McCullough does a Halloween Outreach every year. They pick out houses along high traffic Trick-or-Treating routes and stock them up with games and awesome candy. This is a great way to meet people where they are and pour into your community.

CLICK HERE to get your FREE eBook!

P.S. We also have written a four-week curriculum named FEAR. When you get the eBook, you will also get a coupon code for 50 percent off our FEAR curriculum!

Our curriculum, FEAR, teaches your children to be courageous while facing their fears. You will never be able to protect your kids from fear. BUT, you can teach them what to do when they encounter fear!

P.P.S. We made a free coloring page! CLICK HERE to download.

This article originally appeared here.

Great Leaders Live by Strong Convictions

Rick Warren

October 1, 2017

The real foundation of great leadership is character, not charisma. And one aspect of a leader’s character is the convictions to which he is deeply committed. Great leaders have strongly held beliefs. An opinion is something you’d argue about; a conviction is something you’d die for. Pastors, especially, must define the convictions for which they will endure every kind of hardship, and the only way to stand for those kinds of strong convictions is to live from a deep sense of God’s calling.

If God has called you to the task of leadership, nothing can stop you. Your identity rests in your relationship with him, not the approval of the people you are leading or the watching world around you. Instead of living in the comparison trap or the fear of what people will think, you must develop your convictions—theological, ethical and practical—and stand by them.

Strong Convictions Will Be Tested

Believe in advance that your convictions will be tested from at least eight angles:

1. Derision. When you’re in leadership, one of the first ways people will try to get you to deny your conviction is to make fun of you. Your convictions may very well be a punchline at times.

2. Discouragement. One of the enemy’s most powerful weapons is discouragement. Why? Because convictions, by their very nature, require courage to uphold. Discouragement usually comes at the halfway point when you’re halfway done with the project or halfway up the mountain.

3. Dread. Fear is one of the greatest threats to a leader’s convictions. I’ve often said, even when put on the spot by secular media personalities, that I must fear God more than other people. It is to him alone that I will answer someday for how I stood by the deeply held beliefs he called me to possess.

4. Discord. Few things will stunt the growth of a movement or a church faster than gossip. One rumor or false accusation has the potential to destroy the reputation of a leader.

5. Division. It’s a big challenge for a leader to keep people together in a movement, but it’s essential. And since leadership is all about getting human beings to work together toward a common goal, this challenge is especially difficult for a leader to face.

6. Distractions. If the enemy can’t divide the people of a movement, he’ll provide distractions. Some of the distractions that cause the most problems aren’t bad things but rather good things that aren’t the best things.

7. Defamation. Paul was hounded by the Judaizers. Nehemiah had to deal with Sanballat. Jesus was falsely accused of blasphemy. It’s the pioneers out front who are most likely to get shot in the back. It’s a side effect of an expanding influence.

8. Danger. The Bible never actually promised believers a life “safe and secure from all alarms.” On the contrary, those who lead and have a voice will also suffer persecution and encounter danger along the way.

The enemy will try to use all eight of these tactics to stop you from leading. What do you do in the face of such opposition? Don’t give up! Hold onto your convictions. Be persistent. Endure. When you are committed to your convictions, nothing will cause you to quit. And a “no quit” attitude is an essential characteristic of any great leader.

This article about strong convictions originally appeared here.

Overcoming the Scars of Sexual Abuse

Dave Willis

October 1, 2017

She was standing right in front of me but she seemed miles away. There was a deadness in her eyes as she gazed off into the distance. It was as if she had developed a survival mechanism to retreat to a safe place in her mind instead of engaging with reality, but even in her own mind she couldn’t escape the memories that haunted her and still caused her so much pain.

Her husband’s expression was different. As he talked to me, there was a brokenhearted frustration in his face. Men want to fix things that are broken. We want to protect our wives. This husband had encountered a situation with his wife where he didn’t know how to fix it and he didn’t know how to protect her. His feelings of powerlessness were combined with the added sting of how her decades-old scars were having a present-day impact in their marriage and their sex life. Everything seemed broken.

The situation at the root of all this pain is the tragically common aftermath of sexual abuse. This woman had been molested by her own brother when she was a child. A child’s mind and heart is like wet cement and the impressions made during those very impressionable years leave imprints that shape our thinking, our identity and our approach to relationships for the rest of our lives. When those impressions are made through any form of sexual abuse, the aftermath can be traumatic.

This woman, like so many others, is facing emotions she doesn’t know how to process. She’s tried self-medicating by overeating. She’s tried retreating to a safe place in her own mind. She’s pulled away from people who love her, because it was someone she loved and trusted who hurt her in the first place. She’s tried replaying the haunting images in her brain to somehow change history or figure out how this happened in the first place. She’s even blamed herself as if this was somehow all her own fault.

Meanwhile, her husband’s compassion for his wife is being tested by his own sexual frustration and lack of intimacy in other areas. He feels like instead of a partner, he’s married to a ghost who will never open up or be vulnerable. Instead of a lover, he’s married to a prude who seems to think of sex (even within marriage) as something “dirty” because of her early, tragic, unwanted sexual encounters. He wants to help, but she won’t seem to let him. His patience is gone and is now replaced with desperation.

Neither of them wants their marriage to end in divorce and become yet another casualty of this past abuse, but neither of them seems to know how to fix the relationship or heal these wounds.

Sexual abuse has reached rampant levels and all of us are impacted in some way whether the abuse has hit us directly or someone we love has been victimized. Whether the abuse has been the result of date rape, unwanted touching, human trafficking or a myriad of other forms of assault, the wounds are deep, and the aftermath can be even more painful than the act itself. The wounds inflicted from sexual abuse don’t always leave scars on the body, but they always leave scars on the soul.

If these wounds aren’t dealt with, they’ll never fully heal, and they’ll actually create new wounds in an unending cycle of pain. The good news is that you CAN get through this. Whether you’ve been sexually abused or you are the spouse of someone who has endured abuse, you can get through this. You will get through this!

Every situation is unique and there’s certainly no magic wand to erase the deep wounds of sexual abuse, so I’m hesitant to prescribe any formula or “steps” to bring healing. Still, regardless of the unique circumstances in each case, I firmly believe that there are some principles that will help every person who has suffered abuse. If you’re suffering, please know that you’re not alone. There is hope and help available. Please start your journey toward healing by taking the following actions:

1. Get Professional Counseling.

Don’t try to navigate these waters alone. You need the partnership of a professional who can help you process your feelings and create action steps that will empower you to move forward. For counselors that can help both you individually and help you and your spouse together as it relates to your marriage, I’d encourage you to start by contacting the American Association of Christian Counselors at: www.AACC.net

2. Don’t let those past experiences hijack your view of sex.

When someone has endured sexual abuse, they’re likely to go down one of two paths as it relates to their own sexuality. They will often either become very promiscuous as a misguided attempt toward self-empowerment to recapture sex on their own terms and feel in control, or they will (like the wife in the story above) retreat from all forms of intimacy because it reminds them of the wounds they’re carrying. Both of these approaches are destructive and create more wounds than they heal. Give yourself permission to cultivate a healthy view of sex and a healthy view of your own body without input or influence from your past abuse or abusers. Sex may have been used as a “weapon” against you, but sex is not a weapon. It’s a beautiful gift created by a perfect God and meant to be shared as a means of cultivating intimacy within marriage. Don’t redefine sex on lesser terms.

3. Know that you are NOT “damaged goods.”

The Bible has many promises from God that remind us who we are and who we are not. God’s limitless grace makes us “A New Creation” in Christ. You may have been victimized, but your identity is not a “victim.” You are an Overcomer! We’re not defined by what we’ve done or by what’s been done to us. Seeing yourself through God’s eyes is one of the most powerful ways to bring healing. A great resource to help you get started is a new devotional book about overcoming Anxiety and Depression from my wife, Ashley. You can check it out by clicking HERE.

4. Don’t push away the people who love you.

We were never meant to deal with our struggles all one our own. We find true healing within community and within loving relationships. Don’t push away the people who love you. Be vulnerable. Invite them in. Talk to your spouse. Talk to a few trusted friends. Talk to a counselor. Get connected into a healthy church. Let the healing that love brings flow from those healthy relationships into your wounded heart. You will get through this!

If this article encouraged you, please share it using the social media links below so we can encourage others too.

This article originally appeared here.

Open Letter to Parents of Teens

Mark Oestreicher

October 1, 2017

A youth ministry friend pointed out this amazing blog post by Scott Linscott (didn’t his parents realize he already had a “Scott” in his last name?). He writes as a parent of young adults. This is what so many of us youth workers have wanted to say to (some) parents over the years; and Scott says it so well. With his permission, I’ll post it in its entirety here:
————-

The church in America is puzzled. Young adults are leaving in droves. Magazines, books and blogs are wagging the finger of blame to point out who is responsible. Some say it is a failure of youth ministry, some point to church budgets, and some nail the blame on outdated, unhip worship services. We parents are shocked that our kids just really aren’t all that into Jesus.

When I look for someone to blame, I head into the restroom and look into a mirror. Yupp, there he is. I blame him. That parent looking back at me is where I have to start.

If you’re a parent, I might tick you off in this post. But hear me out. I think that we, as parents, are guilty of some things that make it easy for our kids to put faith low on their priority list.

Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith

1) Put academic pursuits above faith-building activities. Encourage your child to put everything else aside for academic gain. After all, when they are 24 and not interested in faith and following Christ, you’ll still be thrilled that they got an A in pre-calculus, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics. Quick…who graduated in the top five of your high school class? Unless you were one of them, I bet you have no idea. I don’t.

2) Chase the gold ball first and foremost. After all, your child is a star. Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a home group Bible study because it’s 20 minutes away.

2b) Buy into the “select,” “elite,” “premier” titles for leagues that play outside of the school season and take pride in your kid wearing the label. Hey now, he’s an All-Star! No one would pay $1000 for their kid to join “Bunch-of-Kids-Paying-to-Play Team.” But, “Elite?!?” Boy, howdy! That’s the big time!

2c) Believe the school coach who tells you that your kid won’t play if he doesn’t play in the off-season. The truth is, if your kid really is a star, he could go to Disney for the first week of the season and come back and start for his school team. The determined coach might make him sit a whole game to teach him a lesson. But trust me, if Julie can shoot the rock for 20 points a game, she’s in the lineup. I remember a stellar soccer athlete who played with my son in high school. Chris missed the entire preseason because of winning a national baseball championship. With no workouts, no double sessions, his first day back with the soccer team, he started and scored two goals. Several hard-working “premier” players sat on the bench and watched him do it. (Chris never played soccer outside the school season but was a perpetual district all-star selection.) The hard reality is, if your kid is not a star, an average of three new stars a year will play varsity as freshmen. That means there are always 12 kids who are the top prospects. Swallow hard and encourage your kid to improve but be careful what you sacrifice to make him a star at little Podunk High here in Maine.

2d) By the way, just because your kid got a letter inviting him to attend a baseball camp in West Virginia does not mean he is being recruited. You’ll know when recruiting happens. Coaches start calling as regularly as telemarketers, they send your kid handwritten notes, and they often bypass you to talk to your kid. A letter with a printed label from an athletic department is not recruitment. When a coach shows up to watch your kid play, and then talks to you and your kid, that’s recruiting.

3) Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. I see it all the time. Faith activities fly out the window when students say, “I’d like to, but I have to work.” Parents think jobs teach responsibility when, in reality, most students are merely accumulating wealth to buy the things they want. Our kids learn that faith activities should be put aside for the “responsibility” of holding a job. They will never again get to spend 100 percent of their paychecks on the stuff they want.

3b) Make them pay outright for faith activities like youth retreats and faith community activities while you support their sports, music, drama and endeavors with checks for camps and “select” groups and expensive equipment. This sends a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. Complain loudly about how expensive a three-day youth event is but then don’t bat an eye when you pay four times that for a three-day sports camp.

4) Refuse to acknowledge that the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is relationship. Connections with others is what drives kids to be involved. It’s the reason that peer pressure is such a big deal in adolescence. Sending kids to Bible classes and lectures is almost entirely ineffective apart from relationship and friendships that help them process what they learn. As kids share faith experiences like retreats, mission trips and student ministry fun, they build common bonds with one another that work as a glue to Christian community. In fact, a strong argument can be made that faith is designed to be lived in community with other believers. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help insure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything. Kids build friendships with the kids they spend time with.

5) Model apathy in your own life. If following Jesus is only about sitting in a church service once a week and going to meetings, young adults opt out. Teenagers and young adults are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. Meaningless duty and ritual holds no attraction.

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.

I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. I want them to know that my greatest hope for them is that they follow Him, too.

Matt. 6:33 “Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” (The Message)

On a personal note: I know the struggle. My wife and I have lived the struggle firsthand. My son was recruited by a few D1 NCAA schools for baseball and opted instead to attend a small D3 school. My daughter was recruited to play field hockey by a couple D2 programs and ended up playing D3 when the scholarship offer was not enough to make her top school affordable. Both played in “premier” leagues. Both got A’s in high school, though we often told them not to stress out too much over it. Both are in honor societies in college, and my son now has offers from UNC, Univ. of Wisconsin, Johns Hopkins and Weil Cornell for a Phd in Pharmacology. Neither ever missed a youth group retreat, conference or mission trip because of their sports or academic commitments. Both missed a game or two to attend faith-based activities. Both missed school for family vacations. Both held down part-time jobs in high school and learned to give employers advance notice for upcoming retreats. My son often changed into his baseball uniform at church to arrive in the third inning of Sunday games. Robin and I did all we could to make sure they connected in student ministry even when it meant driving straight from a tournament to a music festival at midnight so that they would not miss out. It was that important to us. My youngest, a culinary student, lost a restaurant job because he went on a mission trip. That’s fine. Thankfully, all three have strong faith walks today. That is due only to God’s grace. But I do believe that our efforts and example helped them long for a community-based faith.

Pastor, You Are More Vulnerable to Sexual Temptation Than You Think

Jeff Fisher

October 1, 2017

Let me start off by saying no one is immune to sexual temptation. It doesn’t matter what your job is, how old you are or how much time you spend with Jesus each day. We all have the potential to fall sexually, and we all need to flee from sexual immorality.

Even ministers…and maybe especially ministers.

Ministers have jobs that automatically put them in a pressure cooker.

The Need for Pastors to Flee from Sexual Immorality

It’s not unusual to have a stressful job, but there are five unique aspects of a ministry position that make it more vulnerable to opening the door to sexual temptation.

1. A pastorate is a place of power.

Whether the minister is using it or not, he has great influence over others.

The pastor is an authority, he is looked up to, he is on stage and he is usually highly regarded. Broken people with damaged lives come regularly to talk with the minister, many of them desperate for a word or attention.

It is not hard for a minister to sway others with their words or personality. The minister probably doesn’t realize the power he has over others.

2. Ministers are often isolated and unaccountable for their actions.

Ministers spend large amounts of time alone. Many don’t have a set schedule or a structured day. They don’t have to clock in and out of work, and don’t usually have church leaders asking them accountability questions.

This is especially true for the small church minister who is often the only staff member. Isolation and lack of accountability are seedbeds for disaster.

3. Protection and policies around ministers can be lax.

Churches rarely have policies requiring accountability software on their computer or mobile phone. Few or no precautions are taken when the minister is counseling someone of the opposite sex. And ministers often go on visitation to homes by themselves.

Policies don’t cure bad behavior or a wayward congregant, but they provide an extra boundary that may be a difference maker in a tempting situation.

4. Ministers have few people they can share their deepest struggles with.

It’s hard for a minister to be transparent. His closest relationships are usually with church people, and he doesn’t want to share deeply with parishioners.

4 Ways to Start Memorizing Scripture

Ron Edmondson

October 1, 2017

Our oldest son texted me New Year’s Day this year. He wanted to practice memorizing Scripture again this year. He’s been out of college for several years and fell out of the habit. He used to do it regularly when he was in high school. He wanted to know if I have any tips.

Of course, he already knew I’m fairly simple-minded, so my response may be overly simplistic, but I think it may have been what he was seeking.

Here’s what I shared with him.

Four ways to start memorizing Scripture:

Find a verse you like, which speaks to you.

One way to find them might be to look at YouVersion’s verse of the day and pick one of those each week—perhaps for the next week so you’ll have it for the whole week. I usually find them as I’m reading the Bible and something jumps out at me.

For these purposes, especially as you are getting started in memorizing Scripture, I would tend to pick shorter verses. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 was an early memory verse for me years ago. It simply says, “The God who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” I can remember that. Here’s another: 1 John 5:21 says, “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.” I understand it, easy to remember, and it’s a huge truth to place in my heart daily.

I think it is important that you really glean something from the verse—it speaks to you. Make sure you know what it is teaching. Scripture may have multiple of applications, but it is only one truth—whether we understand it fully or not.

Try only one a week.

If you’re an expert at memorizing Scripture you can move faster—and you will get better with practice, but don’t try to impress anyone with your skills. You shouldn’t be doing it for that reason anyway. You want to do something that will help you grow spiritually and you will maintain it as an ongoing spiritual discipline.

Write it down (not type) and place it somewhere you see frequently.

Educators will tell you we are far more likely to remember something if we write it down rather than simply try to remember it—or even if we type it. Something happens between your hand and your brain, which helps lock the words into your memory bank.

You may be like me and hate your handwriting. You may be like me and can’t even read your handwriting at times. But, take your time and practice the best penmanship you have. The more times you write it the better chance you’ll have of remembering the verse.

Remember how the teachers used to make you write out a statement as discipline? I will not chew gum in class. If you write that 100 times, it may seem cruel, but you won’t soon forget those words. Works here too.

Rehearse it over and over again throughout the week.

Place the verse somewhere you will easily see—perhaps in a couple places. You could put them on your mirror where you get ready in the morning. Put one on your dashboard and another on your desk at work. Carry one in your front pocket. The more you see it and recite it the more likely it is to stick long-term.

I hope this helps.

And, I have another suggestion. You could always buy Steve Green’s Hide ‘em In Your Heart CD’s! They are children singing Scripture verses. Our boys learned lots of verses that way. We learned with them.

This article about memorizing Scripture originally appeared here.

1. Conviction

2. Bible

3. Simplicity

4. Integrity

Most Active Does Not Equal Most Fruitful

Value in Relationships

The Four Ps

Mark Dever, Jamie Dunlop

1. Community Disconnect Disease.

2. Methodological Arthritis.

3. The “Grass Is Greener” Syndrome.

Q: What is it like to live in Las Vegas?

Q: What has your church done to minister to people in the city?

Q: What have you learned from this experience that you can offer to pastors who are trying to help people cope with trauma?

What specific prayer and action points can you offer those who are eager to help Las Vegas?

We all want to lead our ministry well. We want it to thrive. We want it to grow. We want it to succeed. And we want to lead in a manner so that we do all of these things personally, as well.

5 Keys to Lead Children’s Ministry for the Long-Term

1. Prioritize Spiritual Formation

2. Protect Your Family

3. Promote Vision

4. Pursue Leaders, Not Followers

5. People, People, People

What have you learned will help you lead for the long-term?

Millennials Leaving Church

What Post-Evangelical Millennials Are Saying About the Millennial Exodus

1. Are You Tired?

2. Are You Unprepared?

3. What Are Other People Thinking And Saying?

#ThoughtsAndPrayers?

Read this: After the Shooting: Las Vegas Pastor Has Never Seen the City So Open to the Gospel

1. Pray for the Victims

2. Pray for Our Civic Leaders

3. Pray for Las Vegas Churches

Going Forward on Our Knees

Strong Convictions Will Be Tested

The Need for Pastors to Flee from Sexual Immorality

1. A pastorate is a place of power.

2. Ministers are often isolated and unaccountable for their actions.

3. Protection and policies around ministers can be lax.

4. Ministers have few people they can share their deepest struggles with.

Four ways to start memorizing Scripture:

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