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In This Current Situation, Consider the Persecuted Church

By
Benjamin Breeg
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communicating with the unchurched

The current circumstances, though alarming, could present opportunities for churches to deepen their understanding of what the persecuted church faces daily. Christians in the U.S. are some of the most innovative and generous people in the world. They have given billions of dollars and countless hours to witness to those where Christ is least known.

Covid-19 has contaminated hundreds of thousands of people with infections increasing dramatically daily. Some have projected the total number of those affected worldwide will be in the tens of millions with fatalities anticipated to be over 1 million people. Sports have been canceled, jobs have been lost, schools have been closed. Terms like “social distancing,” “isolation,” and “quarantine” have become common vocabulary. Churches have been shut down for weeks, many without a date for reopening.

But from a firsthand perspective, most cannot relate to people who have been harassed for their faith in an environment where Christianity is constrained. Christians in restricted access countries constantly are watched because of their faith. Often their phones are tapped, their conversations are recorded, and their workplaces and friendships are monitored. When gathering together for worship, they have to be careful.

They cannot meet in traditional church buildings and changing venues regularly is normal. Sometimes they gather in houses, sometimes in parks, sometimes in stores. They congregate in small numbers, no more than 10 to 15 people. Not long ago, a pastor was kidnapped. When the pastor’s wife asked officials where he was, after over a month of looking for him, an official replied, “We executed him two weeks ago. … Tell your Jesus to come and make him alive.”

While Covid-19 has not threatened Christians with jailtime or torture, those who are used to worshiping in complete freedom have been given a small taste of reality for persecuted Christians. Unable to gather as they are used to, believers are getting a glimpse of what daily life is like for Christians in countries that do not allow such freedoms. Hearing a believer in a restricted access country say, “You are the first Christian I have seen in two years,” may not be so unfathomable now and may have deeper meaning than it did before the virus broke out.

This coronavirus will be contained, its stresses will be relieved, and life will get back to normal – though a new normal. For the persecuted church, however, the pressures will remain. Christians in restricted access countries will still be threatened. They will continue to suffer and die for their faith. Each time they gather, they will be at risk.

You can use this time to focus your kindness and your prayers toward those who face the hardship and persecution constantly. Your temporarily restricted freedoms can serve as a reminder to deepen your commitment to reaching the world with the gospel.

Here are some examples of powerful ways to stay connected to the persecuted church right now:

  1. Prayers. Commit to pray daily. Pray for Christians who cannot meet regularly and do not enjoy the same freedoms that you do.
  2. Bibles. Getting them to persecuted Christians is paramount. Losing corporate, physical worship is one thing. What if you or your church had no Bibles?
  3. Support. Many churches have experienced just a little bit of what missionaries to persecuted peoples constantly face. This should help in the way the church supports missionaries before, during and after their time on the field.
  4. Gratefulness. Counting blessings takes on a different worth, including the blessing of suffering when expressing thanks to God.
  5. Surrender. Consider the cost. Become a missionary. Encourage your children to become missionaries. Take work overseas. The persecuted church needs all types of missionaries, vocational and non-vocational.

Life is hard. Christ is precious. As Romans 8:16 states the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the future glory that will be revealed in us.

This article originally appeared here.

5 Signposts of a Missional Church

By
Nicholas McDonald
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communicating with the unchurched

Unless you’ve been creepily living in your church’s basement for the last 10 years, you’ve surely heard the term “missional” crop up in conversation. You’ve heard things like:

“Hey Ringo, why isn’t your church being MISSIONAL?”

Or, “Hey Suzy, come join my MISSIONAL Bible study.”

Or, “Hey Mikey, want to order some MISSIONAL pizzas?”

“Missional” can be a synonym for anything from “our small groups welcome outsiders” to “we preach the gospel every Sunday,” to “we help out at a soup kitchen every Saturday” to “our pastor wears skinny jeans.” But what does the word missional really mean?

If I were to take all the missional theology/practical approaches to missional church and squash them together, this, I think, is the bare-bones of what I’d tell you:

1. Missional churches introduce the gospel through radical community. 

People don’t go to church anymore because it’s expected. If people are ever going to get to know the faith, they’re going to see it first on their own turf. This is why the missional church is about radical community—it’s an appeal to the moral imagination of a watching world. This radical community is generally expressed through three vessels:

A. Radical Mercy—The missional church seeks to be a radical community by going to the broken, the destitute, the hungry and hurting.

B. Radical Hospitality—The missional church is about recovering the art of breaking bread together in an isolated world.

C. Radical Work—The missional church seeks to train people to think about their vocation in a particularly Christian fashion.

The first “movement” of a non-Christian toward Christ, then, isn’t necessarily one of content—it’s a picture of a radically different lifestyle that captures the moral imagination inherent in each of God’s creations.

2. Missional churches explain the gospel in worshipful community. 

The idea here is that non-Christians have already had their moral imagination captured—a major aspect of the worship service, then, is to explain the foundations of that Christian lifestyle. Missional worship services assume people will be walking in the door to explore this radical lifestyle, and they assume that those listening are: A. unfamiliar with church, and B. not in agreement with the church.

One of the chief characteristics of a missional church, then, is this: A. Missional churches explain the service, technical words, etc. throughout the worship service, AND B. Missional churches demonstrate how secular philosophies can’t sustain the moral vision to which they were drawn. Then they demonstrate how the gospel can.

Journey to Justice: an Incredible Story of God’s Leading

By
R. Gracie Travis-Murphree
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communicating with the unchurched

Editor’s note: this excerpt from R. Gracie Travis Murphree’s Journey to Justice: Finding God and Destiny in Darkness tells one of Gracie’s many stories of God’s leading through their call to missions.

Within a couple of weeks of our arrival in Honduras during the rainy season, half of the local police post collapsed. The adobe gave way and the dirt walls crumbled to the ground. We began to sense in the Spirit that we needed to repair the police station. But when we spoke with villagers about helping, their response was to not have anything to do with the police because they were corrupt. The villagers talked about the history of death squads and other problems with the police.

They were terrified of the police and wanted nothing to do with them.

As we prayed more and more about the situation, God’s leading told us our entire ministry in Honduras would begin with the rebuilding of the police post. It made no sense to us, but this was what God told us to do. We obeyed. We bought supplies and paid men to repair it.

A short time later, while I was in the village inspecting a latrine we had built for a family, my walkie-talkie for communicating with the ministry buzzed. The frightened voice of our caretaker at the farm said the police were at the mission and I needed to come back. I remember pedaling my bike through the village as fast as I could, wondering what I would find. We were still living on the farm at this time.

As I came around the corner and approached the mission, I saw the yard filled with men in blue and black camouflage uniforms, wearing black flack vests and holding semi-automatic weapons. Every building at the farm was shut tight, doors and windows closed, and there wasn’t another person to be seen. Everyone was hiding from the group of armed men in the yard.

Carlos, the sergeant from the police post, smiled at me as he swung open our gate, but that didn’t reduce the fear pounding in my heart after all the stories I had heard. I leaned my bike against the brick house in which we lived, and Carlos led me to a tall man in uniform with gold leafing on his cap and two gold suns on his shoulders. He stood there with his arms crossed as I came up in front of him. He appeared important and intimidating.

He greeted me and said he was a police colonel, chief of all the police in Francisco Morazán outside of the capital.

“We are aware of your activities,” he said as he began to explain why they were there.

I stood, arms crossed, nodding while my mind raced. They knew of our activities? Were they watching us? Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing? I was frightened. I wasn’t used to having a dozen heavily armed men in my yard.

He began to tell me his superiors desired to strengthen the communication and relationships between the community and the police. He wanted us to act as a bridge between the police and the people. When we went to deliver food or medicines, they would go with us, so the people would see them serving.

Through God’s leading we were being asked by the government to stand in the gap and teach the police how to serve the people.

He also asked me to begin English classes with his ranking officers, so they would be able to have better communication and relationships with the missionaries in the area. I agreed that we would work together, and they left.

During the following weeks, the colonel visited us at coffee hour (3 p.m.) and sometimes came to dinner. We shared life stories while we talked of God and began to know each other better. How exciting it was to learn this colonel was a Christian! However, it was a bit intimidating to have their weapons on the kitchen table or leaning against the chairs. I finally told them of our custom of putting coats and bags on the master bed when guests arrived. After that, they would enter, drop their semiautomatic weapons and vests on the master bed, keeping their sidearms and radios when they sat at the table. It was rather odd, but humorous, to see their equipment piled on the bed instead of pocketbooks and coats.

I shared my testimony about having been a victim of rape, being a single mother, suffering domestic violence, psychological abuse, and other things throughout my life. I shared that I had worked as a special needs foster care provider, advocated for victims, had experience in investigation as a freelance correspondent for the Boston Globe and writer/editor for the Decatur Daily— among other experiences—as well as part of my degree including studies of investigation and forensics.

We learned of God’s leading in his life and love for the Lord, prayed together, talked about family and work.

Ministry is all about relationships.

Everything Jesus did in his ministry was focused on relationships with people, showing us how to live in the same manner. In this moment, God was bringing my husband Lee and me into a life-long relationship with another believer in Christ, who also happened to be a police colonel in one of the most dangerous countries in the world.

One morning, a few weeks after we first met the colonel, a police truck showed up at the gate and the sergeant told me the colonel wanted to meet with me right away. I was still in my pajamas, so I gave him a cup of coffee while I got dressed. I worried something was wrong because of how urgent the sergeant appeared to be about this meeting.

Arriving at the police station was like walking into a second home because I had been visiting the headquarters quite frequently during the past weeks. Every officer greeted me in the guardia (reception) with a hug and smile, calling me their sister or Mami. I walked through the swinging door, through the courtyard, and up to the second floor where the colonel’s office was located. His secretary greeted me and let me inside, asking if I wanted coffee. I declined politely as the colonel waved me toward the couches and gestured for me to sit.

I sat on the small couch in front of his desk while the colonel spoke on the telephone. I began thinking about how the last couple of months had brought me to be sitting in his office. Only God could have orchestrated this. I remember thinking, “Here I am sitting in an office of a colonel in Central America,” and wondering what God was going to do next. More than a decade later, it is still clear in my mind.

I did not know then that this was a life-changing moment by God’s leading.

His desk was well ordered and clean, much as one would expect from the military. In Honduras, the police are a lot like the military. Officers lived at the stations, and everyone saluted their superiors. Facing me on the desk was his name plate: Alex Roberto Villanueva Meza. We knew him as Alex. He finished his call, leaned back in his chair and smiled.

Alex told me about the violence in Honduras and the high levels of abuse of vulnerable groups: women, children, elderly, and disabled. The levels of brutality against women and children was alarming. He told me the police were limited in what they were able to do and were not sure about how to tackle the problem. He had been speaking with his superiors and they wanted to know if I could write a program for victims of violence—specifically focused on these vulnerable groups.

Here we were, only a couple of months into living in this country, and I was sitting in the office of a police colonel who was saying that his superiors, including the minister of security—a presidential Cabinet position—wanted to know if I could write a program to help victims of special crimes. The first thing that popped into my head was that I wasn’t qualified for the task.

Why were they asking me? Wasn’t there some big, professional organization out there that could do this? Someone else who was more qualified?

We sat in silence for a minute. Then, without realizing I had said it, the word “sure” popped out of my mouth. I was just as surprised that I had agreed to do it as he was happy that I had. We were now committed. There was no backing out.

That’s how it is with God. He leads you somewhere without telling you what you are going to do, throws you into a situation that is beyond anything you could imagine, and drops an opportunity in your lap. To be honest, I had no clue what I was going to do.

But even then, my Spanish was still not adequate to understand the legal language, nor was I fluent enough to write a program in Spanish. There were many reasons why I wasn’t qualified or able to do this project.

But God is bigger than any challenge we might face. Day after day, I sat with my English-Spanish dictionary and the law books, sometimes translating each word as I read the laws and procedures. Something began to happen as I continued through this process. I wrote the entire program in English and sat with two police officers, who assisted me with context, and our dictionaries translating the program into Spanish.

Each day I prayed and asked God’s leading on what I was doing, and through all of this, I began formulating a program. By mid-January 2006, I had completed the program and titled it Proyecto de Colaboración de Apoyo para Victimas de Violencia y la Niñez. In English: Project of Collaboration of Support for Victims of Violence and Children. I was excited . . . and nervous. It was all printed out and packaged up formally in a binder. God had something enormous planned that I didn’t even know about.

Alex was busy when I arrived, but his secretary took me to his office to wait for him and put a cup of coffee on the desk for me to drink while I waited. A few minutes later, Alex came in, sat down at the desk with a smile, and asked me how I was doing. I told him I had completed the project and held it out to him.

I had thought he would look it over, but he took it from my hands and plopped it on the side corner of his desk and leaned forward, smiling. Looking back, I remember his face glowed as if he had a surprise he was about to give to me. But in that moment, I was a bit flustered because I had diligently worked for four months on this difficult project and he wasn’t even reviewing it.

Before I share what happened next, I need to share what I heard in a sermon this morning before I began writing this. Pastor Steven Furtick said, “Life’s biggest opportunities aren’t always obvious.”

My husband, Lee, and I heard the Lord tell us to come to Honduras. No explanation of what we would do. Just, “Go.” We obeyed. The police post in our village collapsed in the rains. God said to rebuild it, and that act of obedience would define our entire ministry. It made no sense, but we obeyed. A colonel in the police told us they need us to write a program for victims. I had no clue what to do. God said to do it—or rather he made the word “sure” pop out of my mouth before I could think to say anything else.

All that to bring us to this moment of destiny. “Aren’t you even going to look at it?” I asked him.

I was unaware that by God’s leading the biggest opportunity of my life—of our lives—was about to be offered.

“Yes, but first let me take you downstairs to show you the office we are building for you, because you are now chief of the Oficina Integral de Atención de Delitos Especiales”—Office of Attention for Special Crimes. He continued, “There will be two police officers assigned to you.”

I was listening to him, but I did not understand what was going on. “What are you talking about?” I asked.

He said, “Let me say it again, you are now chief of special crimes. We have an office we are building for you and you have two police officers assigned to you.” He picked up his pen and wrote out on a piece of paper, speaking as he wrote: “Coordinadora de la Oficina Integral de Atención de Delitos Especiales.” He handed it to me.

It was a fact, a done deal. It was destiny. Suddenly most everything in my life made sense. Everything I had ever done, and all that had happened in my life, God was using to lead me on the journey to this moment and what would come of it in the future.

We did not go to the government to begin this work in justice. They came to us. That was God. And God didn’t tell us what it was that we would do in Honduras before we came. I believe it is because we would have thought it was too big, too difficult, and too scary.

That night as Lee and I discussed the day’s events, I remembered the pain in the prayer. I remembered that every time I prayed for Honduras during our year of preparation, it felt like a dark cloud would hover and then lower over me, pressing me. It was so painful, it would bring me to tears. All I felt was pain, darkness, and hopelessness.

There it was: our purpose. The pain and suffering, the injustice suffered, the oppression of the vulnerable. God sent us to bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom to captives, release from darkness prisoners, to loose the chains of injustice, and set the oppressed free. Those were the very Scriptures in Isaiah 61 that God had given us. It was beginning to make sense.

As we prayed that night, the Lord revealed that the darkness and pain I felt in prayers for Honduras was the pain and suffering the women and children endured. The pressing I felt brought to us the image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane right before he was unjustly arrested, tortured, and put to death.

At that rock he prayed the Father would take the cup from him. As man he could not bear the pain, knowing what lay before him. But then he chose to continue his journey to our salvation—God’s ultimate justice of making things right for us. He rose from his place of prayer, and with full knowledge of the suffering he would endure, he walked to the cross.

Not only did God’s leading reveal our destiny that night, but he also revealed our name: The Heart of Christ. A heart that feels and sees the suffering in this world, and knowing the sacrifice and pain to do something, is compelled by love to journey into the darkness. It is a heart that cannot “not” act.

He died for us. And soon He would ask us if we were willing to die for Him.

 

This account is an excerpt from ‘s book, Journey to Justice: Finding God and Destiny in Darkness.

Work-From-Home, But Is Home Secure?

By
Steven Sundermeier
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communicating with the unchurched

Given the COVID-19 pandemic schools have closed their physical doors nationwide and are moving to online assignments. Most churches and businesses have shifted day-to-day operations to a work-from-home model. And so, with most of us working at home now, and remotely connecting back into our critical networks at work, it raises the question—have we implemented the necessary safe computing practices at home? Here are six essential safe computing practice tips:

  1. Implement complex passwords. Safe computing practices require that passwords must be long (over 15 characters) and complex (mixing upper- and lower-case letters with numbers and special characters). Furthermore, it’s foolish to repeatedly use the same password for multiple login accounts. Cybercriminals are scavengers (and are not lazy, like us) and they will use these “dummy” passwords to login to multiple accounts that we possess. Using the same common password makes it easy for hackers.

Home computers are “low-hanging fruit” for hackers. In other words, they are preying on vulnerable remote systems that are likely to have less-secure passwords, and they will use those to compromise or obtain the (usually more secure) business network login credentials. If we have weak computer security and passwords at home we are opening the door to security breaches on our (remotely accessed) professional networks.

  1. Maintain regular software updates. Keeping up to date with your installed software patches is critically important. New Operating systems and 3rd party vulnerabilities are announced daily. Turn on automatic updates for your Windows OS or MAC OS systems. It’s essential. This also goes for web browsers and browser plug-ins.
  2. Lock or shut down your device when not in use. This is an age-old, sound and safe computing practice. The current work-at-home climate opens the door to heightened awareness on this level because we have children and spouses usually share Internet access and devices at home. The risk of data loss (even accidentally) or data theft increases significantly. On a similar security parallel, another high priority should be to keep proper track of flash drives and external hard drives that store your personal and professional data.
  3. Common sense still wins out: Don’t open attachments from unknown sources or click on links embedded in emails or on social media sites. I’ve been harping on this point since the days of the LoveLetter worm back in 2000, and for good reason. Despite many of the criminal advancements that attackers use to proliferate malware, the use of spam email is still the #1 source for malware infections, including spying software. These email scams are highly socially engineered to pique your curiosity, and they are no longer easily identified by poor grammar or spelling. The reality in staying secure is that extreme caution should be used when opening all emails. (Also: be skeptical of phone calls.)
  4. Install strong antivirus/endpoint security protection. With tens of thousands of new malware and viruses created and released each day, it’s essential to have a reputable antivirus/endpoint security software installed on your system. It’s equally important keep your security software up-to-date with the latest virus definitions.
  5. Think! Cybercriminals are after YOU! As organizations are evolving in accordance with health safety precautions and state guidance, so are hackers. They’re clever, they’re smart and they want to harm you financially from both a personal and corporate standpoint. We all must do our part to remain vigilant from online dangers!

These safe computing practices are not difficult, and most of them stem from common sense. We can establish safe-computing methods at home to protect both in-house and remotely accessed networks. We are in this work from home situation together as a nation, and we will come through it together and safely if are prudent and wise about the health of our devices and ourselves!

The Danger of Jesus and Me

By
Darryl Klassen
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communicating with the unchurched

Decision-driven evangelism makes faith a solitary affair between the individual and God. Individualism has made faith a private affair so that what the individual believes about God is nobody’s business but their own. “Each to his own,” and “You are free to believe what you believe. Just don’t ask me to believe it too,” are the common refrains regarding faith. The North American mindset that individual faith is a private matter does not make the individual publicly accountable. What one thinks or feels about God and Jesus is between “me and my conscience.” This Jesus and me faith is anything you want it to be under these conditions.

Here evangelicalism might be applauded for persisting in evangelizing the lost and not allowing a person to be left alone. Yet, once the evangelical has “saved” a lost soul, what does she do with him? Rodney Clapp quotes Harold Bloom, who said, “Salvation for the American cannot come through the community or congregation, but is a one-on-one act of confrontation with God.” In the Jesus and me model, the individual comes to God alone through a personal subjective experience where God revealed himself in a dramatic or palpable manner, or so the individual is led to believe. Individualism of this sort has been at play since the eighteenth century; reversing its effects will not be a simple task.

Our worship experience perpetuates the individual nature of faith, specifically in the songs we sing. Many of our worship songs in the assembly of believers emphasize individualism. Popular “praise and worship” songs more suited for the radio than for corporate worship speak of “I” and “me” in response to the wonders of God. One example contains the lyrics, “Like a rose trampled on the ground you took the fall and thought of me above all.” Wiser scholars have argued that the lyrics can be taken in context to affirm that Jesus died “for me,” so judgment will be reserved on this aspect. The issue being underscored here is that corporate worship often sings “me” instead of “we” as the body comes together to worship God. Where do evangelicals teach the “we” of being the body of Christ? Even American hymnody provides evidence that Jesus and me individualism has tainted it with lyrics where Jesus “walks with me and talks with me.”

N.T. Wright notes that once we grasp this individualism, the Jesus and me gospel, “the idea that God is ‘being gracious to me,’ we no longer need to be too firmly rooted in history.” Individualism cringes at a historical Jesus, for a historical Jesus might reveal a particular God with a character and purpose different from one’s own personalized perception of God. And if Jesus calls the believer into community, one’s own agenda may be circumvented by the will of the community. Submitting to the will of the community of Christ, the church, runs against the North American mindset of discovering and relating to God by one’s self.

Putting one’s faith in Christ means more than simply being saved from one’s sins and living one’s own life. When a person receives Christ as Lord, that person’s whole life will be transformed by the mind of Christ. That person will see the world differently and will engage the world’s evils as a representative of Christ. Evangelicals take that belief to heart. Historically, evangelicals have been actively involved in addressing social ills. Not only were they to build the fellowship of the church, but they believed they were also to make war on sin wherever it was found.

In England, the evangelical fervor that drove Christians to engage social injustices through politics laid hold of William Wilberforce (1759-1833). His evangelical convictions regarding slavery and the slave trade propelled him to lobby the government to abolish slavery. Wilberforce said,

So enormous, so dreadful, so irremediable did the [slave] trade’s wickedness appear that my own mind was completely made up for abolition. Let the consequences be what they would: I from this time determined that I would never rest until I had effected its abolition.

Others of the evangelical mindset joined him in this crusade and won the campaign just three days before Wilberforce died.

In pre-Civil War America, evangelicals were also leaders in social reform. Their conviction, like Wilberforce’s, was that Christian engagement with life and culture meant more than winning souls for Christ, it also meant transforming life and culture through a gospel-inspired influence. Evangelicals turned their attention to working conditions, voting rights for women, prison reform, humane treatment for the mentally ill, the temperance movement, and of course—the abolition of slavery. After the Civil War, a shift occurred—evangelicals were not as socially active. By the 1920s, evangelicals began to separate personal salvation from social salvation.

Many of the goals mentioned above were not realized immediately, but in time, slavery was abolished and, much later, women did get the vote. Behind the movement to transform society was the belief that God was working in the United States as his chosen nation. Evangelicals truly believed they were the new Israel, God’s chosen people, and some still do today. Politically and theologically, the American people believed they had a “manifest destiny” to usher in the kingdom of God. They saw themselves as a “city on a hill” that could not be hidden, but that would be a shining example to the rest of the world of what a Christian nation would look like with a proper government under God. That destiny would lead America to make decisions in the global community that would enforce their example upon nations for their betterment.

 

This article is an excerpt from Darryl G Klassen’s book, The Anabaptist Evangelical Puzzle: Discovering How the Pieces Fit.

4 Keys to Creating an Irresistible Church

By
Greg Atkinson
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When it comes to having an irresistible church, basic and foundational things like prayer, discipleship, and evangelism (having an externally-focused church as I’ve stated before) are all a given. Each church should take the Great Commission seriously and have an emphasis on the “Go” and on the “make disciples.” I start everything with prayer, and so please know that what I’m about to discuss is with the above stated things as must-haves and what I consider foundational to a healthy church.

With that being said, let me share with you the big four that I look for when I visit a church, secret shop a church, or consult with a church. As the title says and Scriptures encourage us – we should compel them to come in. The big four that I look for when I do a secret shopper are First Impressions, Children’s, Security, and Worship. Yes, worship is last, and I have listed them in the order that I weigh them.

As many studies have shown us, people make up their mind whether or not they will return long before the worship service and especially the sermon. Most visitors will know in the first 10 minutes if they will return to your church.

First Impressions of an Irresistible Church

Let’s start with what I consider to be the most crucial of all ministries at a church. Whether you call it First Impressions, Hospitality, or Guest Relations – it matters and is paramount to breaking down walls and making guests feel welcome at your church.

“You’ve got 10 minutes. Somewhere between the parking lot and the children’s center, the ten minutes pass…They should know they matter to us before they hear how much they matter to God.” – Mark Waltz, Granger

Something I tell all the churches I work with is: “You must be strategic and intentional about breaking down any barriers of intimidation. You must be strategic and intentional about creating warm, welcoming environments.”

Now, I could spend an entire series on just first impressions. This is everything from your online presence (social media like Twitter, Facebook – as well as your Web site). For example, I did a secret shopper this past weekend, and I had created 13 pages in my report on just online presence before I ever left to attend their physical campus.

Once one comes to your physical campus, the real fun begins. First impressions then include the parking lot, greeters, ushers, and people that greet you at your church’s Welcome or Information Booth. First impressions also includes things like smell (your church may stink), signage (your church may be intimidating and confusing for new people), and how your facility is kept up and maintained. All these things play subtle parts in a guest’s first impression of your church and their subconscious.

3 Roadblocks to CHANGING Your Church Culture

By
Scott Ball
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communicating with the unchurched

Here’s a fact: The culture we live in is changing constantly.

Here’s another fact: Churches rarely adapt quickly enough to changes in culture in order to have a relevant voice.

The truth is that societal culture change happens like shifts in a weather system — they’re frequently unpredictable, quirky, short-lived and sometimes extreme.

Organizational culture change is more akin to steering a cruise ship: It happens slowly and on purpose.

There are people out there who might say that this is a bad thing, but it isn’t. If organizational culture could change on a dime, how many churches out there would have replaced “Friend Day” with “Pet Rock Day” and would have looked foolish? There’s a reason why organizations change slowly … in order to prevent misguided shifts.

The problem happens when an organization simply decides that it will never change. When this happens, the church has set a course that will inevitably end in destruction.

Here are three main roadblocks that keep churches from choosing to change their culture:

1. Nostalgia.

When a church or organization has decided that its best days are in the past, then it is unlikely to change. Cultural change requires that every person on the team believes in a better, brighter, more successful future.

When the eye of the organization is set forward, the organization will begin to think outside of the past.

2. Method-olatry.

When a church has decided that a particular practice — not directed by the Bible — is immovable, immutable and fundamental to the organization, it will not change.

Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle calls this “methodolatry.” Culture change is impossible when an organization places a method or methods on a pedestal, believing that the method is more important than the mission.

3. Disunity.

Every organization has the “squeaky wheel” individual who wants to disrupt every single plan. It’s good to keep that guy around, because he often thinks of the loophole that everyone else forgot.

However, when an organization lacks a unity of mission and values, it will be unable to change. Cultural change requires every member of the team to have the same goal in mind. Even a “squeaky wheel” can make objections and still have the same desired outcome.

Cultural change is difficult in all situations. But when churches are facing the roadblocks listed above — it’s impossible. Organizations must find ways over, around or through these roadblocks before they can achieve the cultural change that is needed to have an impactful voice in today’s ever-changing society.

For more on evaluating and changing church culture, see Dr. Aubrey Malphurs’ new book, Look Before You Lead.  

Easter Churchgoers Defy KY In-Person Ban, Sue Governor

By
Stephanie Martin
-
communicating with the unchurched

Kentuckians who attended in-person church services on Easter had been warned: State police officers would be writing down license plate numbers and issuing self-quarantine orders to anyone who violated a ban on mass gatherings ordered by Governor Andy Beshear.

Despite that threat, about 50 people walked inside Maryville Baptist Church in Hillview, Kentucky, to worship on Sunday. Now three of them have filed a lawsuit against Beshear and other state officials, claiming their constitutional rights are being violated. The plaintiffs say they received quarantine notices after following their “sincerely held religious beliefs that in-person church attendance was required, particularly on Easter Sunday.”

Plaintiffs Say They Followed Precautions

In the lawsuit, filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court, plaintiffs Randall Daniel, T.J. Roberts, and Sally O’Boyle say Kentucky’s action “specifically and explicitly targeted in-person religious gatherings.” They maintain that they followed CDC guidelines during worship, such as wearing masks and practicing social-distancing measures. In addition, they say no one at the Easter service had been diagnosed with the coronavirus or was exhibiting any symptoms.

The three plaintiffs say Kentucky isn’t enforcing similar orders at stores, factories, and other sites “where far more people come into closer contact with less oversight” than at churches. Because the quarantine can’t be appealed, plaintiffs also say they’re being deprived of due process. The purpose of the lawsuit, according to court documents, is to have Kentucky’s pandemic-related orders deemed unconstitutional and to prohibit their enforcement.

Gov. Beshear issued a ban March 19 on all mass gatherings. Before Easter, he announced that state troopers would be identifying violators at churches, but he emphasized that “no one is being charged with anything.” Beshear also promised not to “padlock doors or arrest pastors.”

The governor has said, “I’m just doing my best to save lives,” and “We just need people to do the right thing.” Large gatherings, he says, “send out a signal all around the country to those that don’t think this virus is serious.” The vast majority of churches, Beshear adds, have “chosen to do the right thing.”

The Legal Battle in Kentucky

Maryville Baptist was the only Kentucky church that violated state orders on Easter, according to Gov. Beshear. His order permitted drive-in services, which also were offered Sunday in Maryville’s parking lot. Worshipers who attended church that way while remaining in their vehicles didn’t receive quarantine notices.

The Rev. Jack Roberts, Maryville’s pastor, had said he wouldn’t tell congregants whether or not to obey the state order. “Everybody has to do what they feel comfortable with,” he says. The pastor insists that he’s “not interested in trying to defy the government.” Rather, he believes his congregation has a constitutional right to continue holding in-person worship services. “If you read the Constitution of the United States,” Roberts says, “if you read the constitution of the state of Kentucky, they both say that [Beshear] is infringing on the church’s rights.”

Though Roberts and several other Easter attendees covered their license plates, troopers merely wrote down VIN numbers instead. The pastor also said piles of nails had been placed at the entrances to Maryville’s parking lots. Now Roberts has established a legal defense fund to help cover costs of the plaintiffs from his church.

Andy Beshear Receives Pushback from Republicans

Beshear, a Democrat, has faced criticism from Kentucky’s Republican leaders. Senator Rand Paul, who’s recovering from the virus, tweeted on Good Friday: “Taking license plates at church? Quarantining someone for being Christian on Easter Sunday? Someone needs to take a step back here.”

After Greg Fischer, mayor of Louisville, Kentucky, threatened to ban drive-in worship services in his city, Kentucky’s other U.S. Senator, Mitch McConnell, wrote him a letter, saying that “religious people should not be singled out for disfavored treatment.” McConnell, the Senate Majority Leader, noted, “To my knowledge, the government has not imposed similar wholesale bans on gatherings of people in vehicles for commercial purposes.”

The day before Easter, Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron tweeted: “I encourage all Kentuckians to social distance and celebrate Easter in their homes, as I’ll be doing. I am, however, deeply concerned that our law enforcement officers are being asked to single out religious services. Directing a uniformed presence at church services to record the identity of worshippers and to force a quarantine, while doing no such thing for the people gathered at retail stores or obtaining an abortion, is the definition of arbitrary.”

Beth Moore: How to Fight That Persistent Enemy, Anxiety

By
Jessica Lea
-
communicating with the unchurched

It seems somewhat reasonable for people to experience fear during a time of crisis. But Beth Moore observes that many of us deal with persistent, consuming anxiety in our daily lives. And if, instead of overcoming anxiety, we go around constantly worried about our ability to cope, we are not living in the freedom Jesus died to give us. 

“If you are in Christ and you keep telling yourself all the time that you cannot cope, you are reconfirming over and over again a complete lie,” said Moore in a talk posted to her YouTube channel. Speaking to a group of women, she said that the truth is, “You have been made mighty in Christ. You have no idea what that woman in you is capable of living out in victory and in glory to the one and only Son of God.”

Succumbing to vs. Overcoming Anxiety

“In your day-to-day existence and in my day-to-day existence, we have no bigger battle than our battle with anxiety,” said Moore. The Bible teacher opened with Merriam Webster’s definition of “anxiety,” which describes it as a “painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill.” The definition also says anxiety is connected to “self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it.” 

Anxiety never stops telling us, “I can’t cope with this,” said Moore. In fact, when we are feeling anxious, we are telling ourselves over and over again that we cannot handle whatever situation we are worried about. She asked, “Do you realize how often we confirm and re-confirm in our souls that we cannot cope?”

But as followers of Jesus, how can this mindset be something that characterizes us? Moore referenced the hope the Apostle Paul expresses in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, when he says,

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.

Moore also alluded to 2 Corinthians 12, which says that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. “Here’s what we’re doing,” she said. “We’re acting like those are such sweet, sweet theories. And we just keep talking about them and keep quoting them, while we live a life that we cannot cope with.” When we do that, “We are preaching something we are not living.”

It’s helpful to note that anxiety manifests itself in different ways. In fact, the words “anxiety” and  “anger” share a common root. “That is fascinating,” said Moore. “Can you see where there is some anger wrapped up in some of your anxiety?” One example of what this could look like is a woman who is anxious about not being able to pay her bills might express her worry as anger toward her unemployed husband. Anxiety can also manifest itself as irritability. “I experience extreme irritability when my husband is driving,” said Moore, adding, “He also experiences extreme irritability when I am driving.”

Moore then offered her own definition of “anxiety” as “care clothed in fear and intensified by anger and clamoring for control.” Anxiety, she said, is “all about control”—and recognizing that truth is key to overcoming anxiety.

Overcoming Anxiety by the Power of the Spirit

1 Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

“Anxiety has a robust remedy,” said Moore. “Cast that thing.” Any situation that causes us to be anxious “needs to be a hot potato in our hand.” The second we think about it, we need to throw it at the Lord. One commentator on the 1 Peter passage explains that the commands to humble ourselves and to cast our worries are connected; casting our anxiety on God is how we show humility toward him. Said Moore, “The act of humility is in the casting because the pride is in the keeping….All of that desire for control is nothing but pride.”

WATCH the Social Distancing Version of ‘Still Rolling Stones’

By
Bri Lamm
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communicating with the unchurched

‘Still Rolling Stones’ Social Distancing Version

Life as we know it has come to a screeching halt over the last six weeks due to COVID-19. As a result, everything from sporting events to concerts, school to graduations, and even weddings have all been cancelled until people can once again gather safely.

Prior to the world being shut down by the coronavirus pandemic, Lauren Daigle was headlining her own world tour with special guests, Johnnyswim. After just three weeks on the road, the “You Say” singer was forced to postpone the remainder of her tour until later this year.

But on Sunday, the two-time Grammy winner pulled together her fellow bandmates to create a “social distancing version” of her hit song, “Still Rolling Stones.”

Live from their own homes, the video compiled each of their respective parts to create a beautiful rendition of the 28-year-old’s well known hit.

“I had so much fun with all my bandmates putting this together for you,” Daigle wrote in an Instagram post of the performance. “From all of us, we hope you enjoy the social distancing version of ‘Still Rolling Stones.’”

What we lack in physical connection these days, we’ve made up for with creativity.

Easter 2020 looked different from any Easter our modern world has seen before. Church choirs had to scramble to come up with solutions for what is typically a very musically-inclined celebration for the Church. Worship leaders and choir members got very creative with the Easter choir this year as they leaned on technology to help them pull off complicated arrangements while practicing social distancing.

Virtual choirs aren’t limited to church settings and Christian musicians, either. A few weeks ago, studio singers in the Nashville, Tennessee area got together via cell phones to sing a beautiful arrangement of “It Is Well With My Soul.”

Just last week, Walmart released a 60-second ad spot featuring employees from around the country singing portions of Bill Withers’ 1974 classic, “Lean on Me.”

Woven among the clips of Walmart team members singing, are videos and photos of neighbors helping neighbors in communities across the country. Everything from social distancing, to people supporting one another, to people connecting through their windows, this one minute clip captures the spirit of humanity, caring for each other.

Stop Blaming God for the Coronavirus

By
Christine Yount Jones
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communicating with the unchurched

Why does God allow the coronavirus to exist, to spread, to kill? Fundamentally, there is a truth that lies at the root of the answer to that question: Our relationship with nature is broken.

NATURE…

we 

seek 

solace

in

what

stalks

us

now

There are natural consequences in nature that nurtures one moment and harms the next.

I wrote this once about my husband Mike’s death from falling into a glacial crevasse…

Nature is a monster lying in wait. We marveled at nature’s beauty that day and tiptoed on its surface until it proved that it is wild and waiting to snatch the life from anyone who comes near. Its gaping jaw opened and swallowed my husband that day. 

Nature is not our friend. Regardless of its beauty and wonder and the revelation of who God is in its very fiber, creation is writhing under the curse of humanity’s sin. 

We stand in awe of something that is decaying. Jagged cliffs were once beautiful mountains that have suffered under the constant deluge of rainwater. Erosion is the shadow of the world that was to be. 

And we do not understand that just as we are fallen and in need of grace, nature is fallen. It is brutal. It stalks the unwary.

Animals attack. Boats capsize. Thorns pierce. Gravity hungrily drags people to their death. 

We who are living in a broken world are called to be caretakers of a once-perfect environment that now cannot be approached with the naivety and ignorance we exhibited that fateful day.

The coronavirus is nature run amok.

It feels like nature is not our friend right now. It is the unnatural crossing forbidden barriers. It is a dish eaten with consequences for all humanity. It is an enemy that oozed through a permeable wall. 

And now it stalks the weak, the infirm, the aged. 

Just as the weak, the infirm, the aged deer cannot keep up with the herd when an enemy attacks…the virus pounces on the edges of our society. 

The Carpenter and the Cross

By
Barry Waugh
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communicating with the unchurched

Why was Jesus born the son of a carpenter, to work as a carpenter (Mt 13:55; Mk 6:3)? Some would respond that before the Son of God entered his public ministry he needed to work, and carpentry provided a living as good as any other. However, there are other occupations which look as if they would have been better suited to prepare him for ministry. Fishing would have been fitting work; Jesus called the disciples to become fishers of men, fed multitudes with fish and bread, and compared the kingdom of heaven to a fishing net. He could have been a vintner, growing and processing grapes for wine. Young Jesus turned water into wine, then later said he himself was the vine feeding his disciples, and he cautioned his listeners against putting new vintage into old skins. Shepherding could be called a family tradition, since the Messiah came from the line of Judah, and King David worked among the sheep. Jesus told a parable about seeking the lost lamb, he said he knows his sheep, and—most importantly—he is the sacrificial Lamb of God. Shepherding would seem a better occupation than carpentry.

Christ did not say much about wood or carpentry. He spoke of judging others with the analogy of the eyes having a splinter or a log, and he alluded to carpentry when he told of the man tearing down barns to build bigger ones. Why the Christ was born of the virgin Mary into a carpenter’s household is information the Lord has not condescended to reveal to his image bearers. However, this brief article proposes that the attributes of carpentry uniquely contributed to prepare Christ for his earthly ministry.

When I was a child visiting my grandparents, a man I did not recognize came to the house. My grandmother introduced him to me as her brother. He was a quiet and reserved man, but he none the less extended his hand in gentlemanly fashion and I grasped it. I could feel his calloused leather-like palm and fingers. I was surprised by the texture and lack of suppleness of his skin. Grandmother informed me that her brother had been a carpenter for a number of years. The manual procedures required in his trade resulted in gloves of skin created by reoccurring contact with the surface of wood.

Like my great uncle, the Lord of Glory’s hands had been thickened to some degree over time by tooling wood.[1] Some of the personal encounters Jesus experienced during his ministry might raise a question regarding God’s wisdom in selecting carpentry for a trade. Consider some of the things Jesus did in ministry. His thick-skinned fingers took mud he made from spittle and dirt and gently applied it to the eyes of a blind man to give him sight (Jn 9:6). It was his toughened hands that softly touched the children that came to see him (Mt 19:13-15). Then, following rash Peter’s slash of Malchus’s ear with a sword, the Christ, the anointed one, carefully used his calloused hand to miraculously restore the ear (Jn 18:10; Mt 26:51). The softer hands of a physician, lawyer, or scholar may be thought more appropriate for Jesus’s work, but the toughened hands of the Carpenter exemplified his full humanity as he accomplished the divine work of redemption.

Jesus often argued from the lesser to the greater in his teaching, but his carpenter’s hands show a physical argument from the intuitive, what man expects, to the counterintuitive, what God does. The ways of the Triune God are not man’s ways. Christ’s hands exhibited his mannishness—and their skill came in handy to make a whip for running the moneychangers out of the temple—but those same hands could also minister gently when needed.

There is another aspect of wood working which contributed to prepare Jesus for his ministry: Patience learned through temptation and persistence. Without patience, working wood is an exercise in frustration, leading to temptation through anger which, if yielded to, becomes sin. When tooling any species of wood, the wood’s characteristics govern the success of the project. A carpenter must study the tightness of grain in a board, the hardness of the piece, how wet it is, the location of any knots, and the color patterns to ascertain the best way to cut, chisel, or plane it. An open grain wood such as oak characteristically chips and splinters easily, but other woods such as walnut and mahogany can vary in their grain patterns significantly from board to board.

Wood working techniques in Jesus’s day were not as sophisticated as today, but the nature of wood still offered challenges and the tools for overcoming them were primitive. Cutting wood tests patience and even the finest cabinet maker may find a nearly completed masterpiece turned to scrap with a wayward cut or a mismeasurement. When Christians contemplate Christ’s temptations, they often think of the lofty enticements from Satan in the wilderness, or the agony in Gethsemane as Jesus faced the cross. Yet the simple hazards of the carpenter’s shop and daily living tempted the Lord of Glory as well. Hebrews 4:15 is a verse of comfort for the Christian, because it says Jesus, the Great High Priest, was tempted thoroughly yet did not sin. In his comments on the verse, Richard D. Phillips points out that the Lord’s compassion is founded in his experience with temptation:

The Lord you serve, the Savior to whom you look, is not aloof from your trials, but feels them with intimate acquaintance. He is not disinterested or cold to what you are going through; he came to this earth and took up our human nature precisely so that he might now be able to have a fellow feeling with us (P&R, 2006).

Two points are to be noted. First, Christ took up our human nature precisely, that is, he was and is fully man, and was tempted not only in the wilderness by Satan, but also during the day to day events of life—including carpentry. Secondly, Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father and he has a fellow feeling with us. What an alliterative and pleasing way of expressing the Son’s compassion.

Psalm 51: We Need to Sigh in Worship

By
John Zimmer
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communicating with the unchurched

Psalm 51

Have you ever considered why we sigh? You know, the cleansing breath the comes along from time to time and seems to accompany a time of stress or punctuates frustration or exasperation.

Researchers have identified sighing as a deep breath roughly twice the size of our regular breathing pattern. It is an interruption of irregular breaths. It can be brought on by stress, anxiety, fear, or frustration. It is a reset for our breathing pattern that puts us back into a healthier breathing rhythm.

There are times in our Christian pilgrimage when we sigh. Frustration can overwhelm us and immerse us in self-pity and stress. Just as the physical challenges of life can bring fatigue and anxiety, spiritual struggles can paralyze our faith.

Psalm 51 is a sighing psalm. You can almost visualize David struggling to regain his spiritual respiratory equilibrium—his regular spiritual breathing. A serious lapse in David’s commitment to God had damaged his pursuit of God’s heart. You can hear the frustration in the first half of his lament:

vs 3: I can’t get my mistake out of my head/heart.

vs 5: I have been a screw-up all my life.

vs 6: I know better than what I did.

vs 8: I want to hear joy and gladness again.

vss 10-12 God, don’t give up on me; fix my spirit so I can experience joy again!

David needed a reset. He realized there was nothing he could do to regain his footing—to right his way. “There is no payment or sacrifice that will heal this; I realize now, that laying aside my huge ego is what is needed.” (My paraphrase of verse 16) His spirit was broken.

There are times in our spiritual pilgrimage when we are broken. We have stumbled, and the bruises keep hurting. Our home remedies and salves aren’t healing us and we sigh. We have reached the end of ourselves and we find ourselves in Psalm 51. We have surrendered to the moment. We may not have orchestrated a murder like David had, but we are crippled with guilt and we sigh.

Sighing is that physical release of breath that almost sounds like our last. Exhaustion, frustration or catastrophe have slowed us and we have no ready answer but to let out a wordless breath of air. We are signaling God that we are out of strength.

Part of corporate worship is sighing. We need to go beyond the traditional view of confession and sigh. Spiritual sighing, just like the physical respiratory act, is a collective reset. We need to release and interrupt our desperate breaths and allow God to restore a rhythm and pace that reflects steadfast steps of faith. Further, we need to listen for the sighs. The faith family of God experiences and enjoys a peace this world does not understand when we are healing agents. There are times when we need to sigh collectively and breathe together. The church needs to release the frustration, despair and anxiety of living in enemy territory (our world this side of heaven) and reset our souls’ breathing—taking in God’s Spirit to feed and refresh His new creation within us.

Notice in the final verses that David turns his attention to the congregation of Israel. His journey from despair has taken him from a lone view of his sin to a healing unity of his people.

If Psalm 51 is the sighing song, then Psalm 23 is that breathing reset that brings renewal and a steady pace to our often hectic lives. The benediction in Psalm 23 is a beautiful picture of reassurance and comfort. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psa.23:6

 

It’s Ok to Fear Coronavirus

By
Paul David Tripp
-
communicating with the unchurched

We find ourselves in a time of unprecedented trouble. Faced with a global pandemic, we need to take a moment to think biblically about our response to COVID-19.

I only have one thought that I will repeat in today’s devotional: Be afraid, but don’t give way to fear.

That statement may seem contradictory, so let me explain.

Fear is one of God’s good gifts to us. I think there are three types of spiritually healthy fear:

1. Fear of God. This is a holy reverence of the Almighty, living in awe of, and submitting to, the King of the universe.

2. Rapid Response Fear. This is our instinctual ability to react in a moment of danger. Think of a parent who spontaneously leaps into action to protect their child right before they hurt themselves.

3. Appropriate Concern: This allows us to be sobered by what we are facing, and with our God-given ability to analyze, we make wise and planned choices to protect ourselves and those we love.

God designed us with the ability to be afraid because he loves us and wants to protect us.

Be afraid, but don’t give way to fear.

Giving way to fear is characterized by meditating on the trouble we are facing and forgetting God in the process. This fear reveals itself when we allow our minds and hearts to be controlled by what was initially appropriate concern.

Is the pandemic (or anything that makes you afraid, for that matter) all you think about, all you read about, and all you talk about? If any type of trouble consumes your meditation, the larger it will loom, the more impossible a solution will seem, and the more frightened you will become.

In this world, you will face danger, so ignoring that reality is not wise. God has given you the ability to be concerned, so acting as if there is no reason for concern is not the solution.

The problem is that your meditation has been consumed by the trouble you are facing.

Whenever trouble consumes our meditation, it’s because we have ultimately forgotten God. We have forgotten that there is a Lord of glory, wisdom, goodness, power, and grace who sits on the throne of his universe. No difficulty of any kind – no person, place, or pandemic – can negate his good and glorious promises to his children.

As you look horizontally, things may seem entirely out of control. But when you look vertically, this world is under careful supervision.

Do I claim to understand the pandemic? Not at all. Until we’re on the other side, we may never fully understand why God would allow this trouble to enter our lives.

But we know who he is. We know what he can do. We know what he has promised. We know that he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

In this moment of global pandemic, don’t let your meditation be dominated by fear so that you become God-forgetful. Don’t ignore the reality of the situation, don’t be embarrassed by your instinctual ability to respond rapidly when needed, and make wise plans out of appropriate concern.

Most of all, never stop fearing God.

Be afraid, but don’t give way to fear.

God bless,

Paul Tripp

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

1. What makes you most afraid of the pandemic? Why is this fear a God-given gift?

2. Besides the coronavirus, what else are you afraid of currently? Have you allowed this trouble to capture your meditation?

3. What happens to you spiritually when horizontal trouble consumes your thoughts and time?

4. How can you practically take steps to fear the Lord in this moment of crisis? Be specific.

5. Who do you know who is afraid at this moment? How does the Bible address their fears? Contact and comfort them today with the gospel!

This article originally appeared here.

How to Tell the Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries in Marriage

By
Alison Cook
-
communicating with the unchurched

Question: What are examples of healthy boundaries in marriage? How do I love my spouse, but still express my own voice and needs? (Barbara G.)

Examples of healthy boundaries in marriage can be hard to identify. When things are working—whether in your marriage or in someone else’s—it just seems natural. On the other hand, examples of unhealthy boundaries in marriage are usually painfully obvious, not only to you, but to the people around you.

To answer your question, let’s first examine what healthy and unhealthy boundaries in marriage look like. I’ll then provide a framework for gauging the health of the boundaries in your marriage. You can share these with your spouse. Plus, I’ll cover the six key categories of marriage where boundaries matter the most.

 

In general, there are two ways that problems tend to surface with boundaries in marriages:

Example of Unhealthy Boundaries in Marriage: Being Consumed

In the first way, you let your spouse consume or overwhelm you. In this instance, the other person may have a loud, strong presence. They state their needs clearly and don’t pick up on your needs. You may have deferred to their preferences or changed yourself to be what they need.

unhealthy boundaries in marriage consumed

As you can see from the diagram, “you” are barely showing. When you are “consumed” by someone else, you might feel like:

  • My needs don’t matter.
  • I have to do it his way.
  • I can’t be myself.
  • When decisions are made, I don’t have a say.

Example of Unhealthy Boundaries in Marriage: Being Too Distant

On the other hand, perhaps you’ve grown far away from your spouse. You live separate lives and give each other plenty of space. The problem is that you can grow too far apart. You are no longer connected nor operating as a team. You lose the intimacy that once brought you together.

unhealthy boundaries in marriage distant

As you can see from the diagram, you and your spouse have no areas of overlap. You are disconnected from each other and living separate lives. If you’ve grown distant, you might feel like:

  • I don’t even know who he is anymore.
  • He doesn’t know what I want or need.
  • I am on my own emotionally and spiritually.
  • We are more like roommates.

Example of Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

Healthy boundaries in marriage are somewhere in the middle. It’s learning how to say “yes” to yourself AND stay connected to your spouse. Using another visual illustration, healthy boundaries look like this:

healthy boundaries in marriage

In this diagram, you and your spouse share interests that overlap, and you remain connected to each other.

However, you also have a sense of autonomy. You each have your own interests. You don’t have to be on the same page about every single thing. Plus, both you and your spouse have other friendships, and you might even share a few. There’s connection and intimacy, yet there’s still space for individuality. Healthy boundaries in marriage feels like:

  • We maximize our strengths and focus on the things we like to do together.
  • We don’t agree on everything, but we seek to understand our differences.
  • I feel encouraged by my spouse to pursue my God-given talents. I also support him.
  • My spouse supports me emotionally. I also support him in his times of need.

Try this exercise at home:

As you consider your own marriage, review the three previous diagrams and ask yourself which type reflects how you feel. If possible, use the diagrams as a springboard to have a conversation with your spouse.

Oftentimes, couples are doing well in some areas, but struggling in another. Consider breaking down your relationship into the following categories. Then, notice whether you feel “consumed,” “distant,” or “healthy” within each category:

Boundaries in Marriage Categories:

  1. Parenting
  2. Vocation/Work
  3. Spiritual practices
  4. Hobbies
  5. Money
  6. Sex

On a scale of 1 to 10, how true is the following statement for each category? (1 = not true at all; 10 = completely true)

When it comes to [parenting/work/spiritual practices/money/sex/hobbies], we understand and respect each other. We cherish what we agree on, and we seek to understand and respect each other where we differ.

As you understand your strengths and your areas of growth, you will gain clarity. You stop “catastrophizing” the issues, slow down, and identify your specific challenges. You don’t have to fix that problem right away. Sometimes, simply naming the issue together as a couple can help bring more calm.

You might even decide to work on a specific challenge with a counselor, take my online course, or you can continue to work through solutions together. However, allow me to emphasize this point:

The more you understand what YOU want and need, the healthier your relationship will be. As you can communicate on behalf of what you are feeling, you stop fighting and move toward solving problems together, as a TEAM.

Together, this is how you express your own voice and experience healthy boundaries in marriage.

This article originally appeared here.

Willow Creek Names New Senior Pastor After Year+ of Searching

By
Megan Briggs
-
communicating with the unchurched

After a year and half without anyone officially filling the role of senior pastor, Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago announced it has accepted Pastor Dave Dummitt for the position. 

“I’m so excited to become a part of the Willow family,” Dummitt says in a video posted to Willow’s site. “Over these last few months, [my family and I] have sensed God leading us to come and be a part of what he’s doing in and through Willow.”

Dummitt currently leads a multisite church in Michigan called 2|42. He and his wife, Rachel, have four children. The announcement posted to Willow’s site provides more about Dummitt’s background:

David Dummitt is an innovative, entrepreneurial pastor and leader with a strong passion to help people take first and next steps with God. He is known for his collaborative leadership style and ability to develop strong teams.  

Dave is the founding and lead pastor of 2|42 Community Church in Southeast Michigan. Over the last 15 years, 2|42 has grown from a 35-member launch team meeting in Dave’s living room to more than 10,000 people meeting at seven different campuses each weekend. 2|42 was founded on a commitment to community outreach and radical generosity, so they designed their church buildings to serve as community centers with indoor sports and fitness facilities, cafes, playscapes for kids, and a school for the arts open to the public throughout the week. 

Dave attended Wheaton College and Asbury Theological Seminary. He is passionate about the kingdom of God advancing through church planting. Dave previously held the role of North American director of NewThing, a global church-planting organization. He also sat on the board of the Solomon Foundation, the fastest-growing church extension fund, for four years. Additionally, Dave partnered with two gifted technology developers to create Gyve, an innovative technology platform for churches and nonprofits.

Dave loves great movies, water sports, time at the gym, and being able to take off on his Harley. He and his wife, Rachel, met during their time as students at Wheaton College. Together they have four children: Grace, Luke, Joe, and Alex.

What Happened to Willow’s Previous Senior Pastors?

An investigative journalism piece published in the Chicago Tribune in March 2018 put into motion a series of events that the evangelical church at large is still grappling with. For several years now, the evangelical community throughout the world has looked to Willow and founding pastor Bill Hybels as a leader of innovation in evangelism and doing church. That all came into question when the article unpacked a series of allegations against Hybels of sexual misconduct and harassment hit the news stands. If allegations of sexual misconduct weren’t enough, the journalists also found that the church elder board had conducted what it later admitted was an investigation into the allegations that was fraught with “missteps.” The actions and inactions of the elder board during this time ultimately broke the trust between the congregation and the church’s leadership and the whole board ended up resigning. 

Even before the article was published, two pastors had been tapped to be Hybels’ successors–lead teaching pastor Steve Carter and lead senior pastor Heather Larson. Carter and Larson ended up resigning as well, although their involvement in what many feel was a coverup on the part of Willow leadership is a little murky. Carter has since shared a little more about the events that unfolded in 2018. 

The year 2019 didn’t seem to be very much easier for the leadership at Willow Creek as they sought to find a replacement for Larson and Carter. They even lost a couple of campus pastors over the matter. 

Dave Dummitt to Preach First Sermon in June 

An elder update posted to Willow Creek’s site explains Dummitt and his family are planning to move to the Chicago area in May and that his first weekend of preaching will occur on June 6th and 7th. The announcement states the elder board has spent “many hours” with Dummitt and that throughout the process they “continued to see Dave’s ability to lead with humility and strength, as well as his passion to equip and empower strong teams.”

Justice Department Sides With Small MS Church Over Drive-in Feud

By
Megan Briggs
-
communicating with the unchurched

Last week, a church in Greenville, Mississippi held a drive-in prayer service for its parishioners. Church members kept their windows rolled up as they listened to their pastor via radio. Despite not appearing to violate CDC guidelines for social distancing, however, local officials handed out $500 fines to the congregants. Although the city has since decided not to enforce the fines, the situation prompted U.S. Attorney General William Barr to take action by publishing a statement in support of Temple Baptist Church and the right of all churches not to be singled out by authorities during this time of social distancing orders. 

Temple Baptist Church Defended by William Barr

“The City of Greenville fined congregants $500 per person for attending these parking lot services–while permitting citizens to attend nearby drive-in restaurants, even with their windows open,” the statement from Barr’s office reads. Barr indicates the crux of the reason he found fault with the city’s actions is that they didn’t enforce their policy “evenhandedly” and singled out the church over other institutions in the city.

The statement echoes the statements of other leaders in the Trump Administration who have asked organizations, including churches, to observe social distancing protocols as a matter of common sense, even while some argue that they violate our rights as Americans to assemble and congregate:

Social distancing, while difficult and unfamiliar for a nation that has long prided itself on the strength of its voluntary associations, has the potential to save hundreds of thousands of American lives from an imminent threat.  Scrupulously observing these guidelines is the best path to swiftly ending COVID-19’s profound disruptions to our national life and resuming the normal economic life of our country. Citizens who seek to do otherwise are not merely assuming risk with respect to themselves, but are exposing others to danger.  In exigent circumstances, when the community as a whole faces an impending harm of this magnitude, and where the measures are tailored to meeting the imminent danger, the constitution does allow some temporary restriction on our liberties that would not be tolerated in normal circumstances. 

Other Trump administration leaders, like Vice President Mike Pence, have asked churches to follow the guidelines from the CDC–specifically the one asking people not to gather in groups of 10 or more. Speaking to reporters a couple weeks ago, Pence admitted these protocols are not being mandated; rather they are recommendations.

Pence also said the Trump Administration is not interested in enforcing these guidelines, choosing instead to leave those decisions to governors and other local state officials. The fact that Barr’s office felt it necessary to intervene in the case in Mississippi is perhaps a reflection of the administration’s highly publicized commitment to religious freedom.

What Exactly Happened in Mississippi?

Police came to the parking lot of Temple Baptist Church in Greenville, Mississippi on Wednesday, April 8, 2020 and issued tickets to those participating in the church’s drive-in prayer service. Pastor Arthur Scott has been conducting such services for about three weeks now as most in his congregation are elderly and don’t have access to a smartphone. The church has also been livestreaming its Sunday services via Facebook.

However, on April 7, 2020, the City of Greenville issued an executive order instructing churches to cease all in-person services–including drive-in services–until Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves lifts the shelter-in-place order. 

Scott responded to the fines by filing a lawsuit against the city with the help of Alliance Defending Freedom. Speaking to Fox News, Scott implied there is a double standard in place in Greenville: “Just two blocks down the street, the Sonic, they can sit there and talk and eat, but a couple blocks up the other way, they can’t even come with the windows rolled up, with me preaching inside the church.” 

Greenville Mayor Errick Simmons held a press briefing on Monday, April 13, 2020 to address the situation. “Our churches are a cornerstone in our community. Our faith based leaders have been creative and innovative in their practice of social distancing through the use of electronic, social media, and other platforms during this pandemic,” he said. He went on to say the situation with Temple Baptist “has been taken out of context” and that “it’s a misrepresentation of the officers, this council and this mayor.” Simmons told the group he attends a church himself.

Simmons also said those issued tickets during the April 8th service would not be required to pay them, although the directive that churches suspend all drive-in services still stands for the time being. However, Simmons said he is seeking “definitive guidance” from the Governor’s office about drive-in services in particular.

Church Mourns Loss of Pastor Who Rejected Social Distancing

By
Jessica Lea
-
new deliverance
Screengrab Facebook @The New Deliverance Evangelistic Church

The founder and pastor of New Deliverance Evangelistic Church (NDEC) in Richmond, Virginia, passed away Saturday from complications due to Covid-19. During the last in-person sermon he gave on March 22, Bishop Gerald O. Glenn had said he would keep preaching unless he were “in jail or in the hospital.” Within that week, however, the church made the decision to suspend services, and three weeks later, the pastor died. 

“It is with an exceedingly sorrowful and heavy heart that I come to you this morning,” said a church leader in a Facebook announcement posted on Easter Sunday. “Last night, April 11, at 9 p.m., our father, Bishop Gerald Glenn transitioned from labor to reward. Since I can’t lie, the first thing I asked God was, ‘Why?’ But bishop has taught us that God is big enough to handle our ‘why.’” 

He went on, “Our bishop has been a friend as well as a spiritual shepherd to so many of us here at Deliverance and around the country. He will be missed by us all.” The leader asked that as the church enters a 30-day mourning period for the bishop, the members would remember to pray for the pastor’s wife, Mother Glenn (who also has Covid-19), as well as the whole Glenn family. 

The leader encouraged the church to show one another the love of Jesus and quoted Isaiah 41:10, which says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Church Guide to Coronavirus 1

“I don’t know how,” he said, “but I got to say it: God will get the glory from this.”

New Deliverance Mourns Death of Pastor

The week prior to Bishop Glenn’s March 22 sermon, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) had recommended that people avoid gathering in groups of 50 or more, and President Trump had advised against groups of 10 or more.

NDEC decided to hold a service the next week anyway, recording and posting it to YouTube, although the church’s videos have since been removed. The New York Post reports that during his sermon, Glenn described the decision to gather for worship as “controversial” and his role as a pastor as “essential,” minimizing the virus’s risk to the members. He said, “I firmly believe that God is larger than this dreaded virus. You can quote me on that.” 

The next day, the governor of Virginia issued an executive order banning all gatherings of 10 or more people. On March 27, The church issued a letter to members, announcing that services were suspended.

In a video posted to Facebook on April 4, Glenn’s daughter, Mar-Gerie Crawley updated the church that both her mother and her father had tested positive for Covid-19. While her mother had had pneumonia, she was no longer showing signs of it at the time. But Bishop Glenn also had pneumonia, and Crawley described his situation as “more complicated,” noting he had just been put on a ventilator. “This is the darkest our family has ever seen,” she said, but added that people’s prayers and support have meant a great deal to the family.

According to WTVR News, Crawley said that the purpose of the March 22 sermon was to encourage New Deliverance members, not to oppose state guidelines. She now entreats everyone to be cautious and shelter at home: “It becomes very real to you. I just beg people to understand the severity and the seriousness of this.” 

In a Tuesday post to her personal Facebook page, Crawley said that she and several other family members had also tested positive for Covid-19. She asked her New Deliverance family to trust in God during this time and to persevere in love.

“I don’t have the words right now to express myself,” she said. “I pray that God would give me the strength to in the future. What I do want to leave with you is this, God did not call us to fight, He called us to love. That’s how we will honor my Father. Love them in spite of. God will fight our battles. You all keep the faith and we will talk to you soon.”

6 Tips for Singles During Quarantine

By
Ethan Renoe
-
communicating with the unchurched

There are 6 tips for singles during quarantine that just might help you get through this season.

Ah yes, another article about this virus. This invisible man who haunts the landscape of our minds, yet most of us have yet to encounter firsthand. The microscopic specter who paces our stresses and anxieties, caressing and encouraging them.

I picture Sir Coronavirus in a velvet-backed chair stroking his cat while the world goes mad.

One of the terms I’ve heard circling lately is the idea of “Corona Babies” being created during this quarantine period. Families or couples who are holed up together get bored and have little else to do… “There will be a baby boom come December,” they say.

That’s great for those who have a babymaking pard’ner, but what about us single folk? What about those of us cooped up with our roommates like me, or worse, all alone?

Experientially, this feels like staying home sick from school, but the reality is different because we are not actually sick. We have opportunity to create new things, read, or most likely, binge watch every video on the internet. The temptation exists for me to just sit around, waiting for this thing to pass while streaming whatever Netflix tells me is trending today, while on my phone reading news updates about this freakin’ virus.

6 Tips for Singles During Quarantine

Since we are all in this together, I have a few thoughts to ponder while we pass through this new territory together. It’s nothing profound, nor are they “things you must do in order to stay safe!” Just thoughts from a single extrovert slowly losing his mind.

Singles During Quarantine: Don’t Just Consume.

Like I said, the temptation for all of us will be to passively digest entertainment until the quarantine is lifted and we can return to normal life. There is absolutely room to sit around and enjoy some films and series, but if that’s all we do, we will have wasted these days.

Something to always keep in mind whenever you take in any media, not just in this season, but always: Consume media with your brain turned on. There is no such thing as mere entertainment. Every show, song, film, and YouTube series may be premised as just entertainment, but whatever we consume makes assumptions about the world and how ethics should function. We often digest these blindly and before we know it, we share the same moral ground as the rest of the world.

For instance, most people my age believe sex outside of marriage is permissible. Did someone explicitly tell them this, or was it slowly absorbed from every movie and TV show out there today, until finally the ethic became a part of their mental fabric? Everyone on Friends, The Office, and Modern Family is sleeping together as if it’s no big deal, so why should we think it is?

Just make sure to absorb all media with your brain on, or else it will slowly inform how you live your own life before you know it.

Singles During Quarantine: Keep in Touch.

If we’re honest, the biggest temptation for us single people will be to practice the fine art of babymaking, but without a partner. Porn and masturbation are already running rampant as (without going into too much detail) I’ve seen countless memes about the activities of lonely folks forced inside, and we can only expect it to get worse.

Be Careful Because Virtual Ministry Can Still Burn You Out

By
Chris Wesley
-
communicating with the unchurched

As we checked in over Google Hangout, my coworker exclaimed, “I Think I’ve Had A Little Too Much Screentime.” We all jumped in and agreed we were there. Since virtual ministry and telecommuting started for our parish, I’ve found myself looking at emails, social media, and teleconferencing sites nonstop. These are unusual times, and with any type of change, it’s easy to find yourself overwhelmed.

Right now, everything is being canceled and rescheduled. More and more businesses are trying to move to a telecommuting model. As we make this transition, it’s essential to look at your schedule because anytime a void appears, something eventually fills it. And while virtual ministry seems convenient because you can do everything from home, beware because it can still stretch you thin. It can be much harder to create a virtual ministry and not get overwhelmed because it’s harder to establish limits. It’s harder to walk away from the office and shut down when you telecommute. So,  before you get fully into the virtual world, you need to make sure you have time for:

PRAYER AND PEACE

It might be harder to find that quiet spot in the house, but you need to make sure you are allowing God to speak into your life. There is so much to process, and that can be a bit overwhelming. While there are more and more resources online, it might be beneficial to disconnect, pick up a Bible, pray the rosary, or journal.

TRUE BOREDOM AND CREATIVITY

Don’t be afraid to have “Screen-Time Free Segments” of your day when you simply sit and think. You don’t have to be continuously connected; in fact, boredom can bring freedom because it gives your time to rest.

Similarly, you can build in time to create. Maybe this is a season to try painting, cooking, or pick up a musical instrument. You can write that book or work that recipe you never had time to tackle. Taking on something abstract or artistic will expand your ability to take on different challenges.

MEANINGFUL CONNECTION

When are you taking the time to get to know the people in your home? Are you playing board games, eating meals and taking walks? It might seem a little counterintuitive to the social distancing; however, you need to know how to cohabitate during this time of isolation.

If you are on your own, it’s scheduling meaningful phone calls with friends and family. Get back into a routine where the majority of your discussions are about life and not work. The relationships you form will carry through this season.

STARTING AND QUITTING

You need a beginning and end to your day. Setting timers and reminders can serve as the guardrails you need to shut things down. It’s important to talk with your coworkers and volunteers about when you are available and when you are not. If you are a pastor or administrator, make sure your team is doing or else you’ll find yourself connected continuously. If you can, relegate your laptop to a room and only go in there during your office hours. Shut down the technology when you take a break. If you have to give it away to a roommate or family member.

Put those personal and prayerful times into place, so that you can create a manageable pace to your new schedule. While telecommuting brings a little more flexibility, it’s easier to blur what’s work and what’s rest. Virtual ministry and telecommuting are attractive, just don’t forget to ease into it, we need you for the long haul.

This article originally appeared here.

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