Home Blog Page 848

Answer This Question Before Writing a Book

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Having an idea for a book is easy, but writing a book to get that idea out into the world is daunting. Do you contact an agent or mail your submission to a traditional publishing company? Do you try to self-publish, and if so how does that work? 

WestBow Press, a self-publishing division of Thomas Nelson, says the first step to getting your book published is to know your goals. They list 11 potential goals for you to consider for writing a book.

Determine Your Goals for Writing a Book

No author’s goal is to just publish a book: your goal is to change lives. The question is how do you want to go about that? Maybe you travel and speak regularly or have a church community you want to get your thoughts in front of. Or maybe you dream of your book breaking out of the thousands of self-published online books and becoming a bestseller. Maybe you have a thriving social media presence and need help leveraging it toward buying your book.

The truth is there are dozens of options worth considering about your book, including everything from “do I want color print” to “should I have a professional promotional video to promote it?” There are no wrong answers here, just different paths toward fulfilling your specific needs. So step 1 is for you to identify what you want your book to be.

What Is Your Goal for Writing a Book?

Consider these 11 possible goals as you consider why you are writing a book.

  1. Sharing your story with family and friends
  2. Writing to help others overcome a personal obstacle
  3. Writing about your hobby or personal passion
  4. Sharing information on a specialized topic
  5. Writing to build or enhance your professional career
  6. Expressing your deepest thoughts
  7. Writing because you love to write
  8. Seeing if you have what it takes for commercial success
  9. Writing to reach a wide circle of readers
  10. Writing poetry that you want to share with others
  11. Writing for fame

Once your goal is clear, WestBow cuts through the confusion of the publishing process, giving you a clear step-by-step guide, with professionals available to help you along the way. WestBow Press takes the mystery out of self-publishing and provides you with all the help you need to turn your dream into reality. So set up a free consultation today and discover how WestBow can help you!

You can set up a free consultation with one of WestBow’s self-publishing experts today either by filling out the form on their website, or contacting them at 1.866.928.1240.

The National Prayer Breakfast Speech You Should Really Listen To

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and former president of the conservative think tank American Enterprise Institute (AEI), delivered a timely speech at this year’s National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C. on February 6, 2020. Brooks, who introduced himself “first and foremost a follower of Jesus,” focused on the words of Jesus which encourages compassion toward one’s enemies–political or otherwise. Brooks’ remarks, while seemingly perfect for a bipartisan event such as the National Prayer Breakfast, were overshadowed by President Trump’s remarks immediately following. 

Brooks said he was going to talk about “the biggest crisis facing our nation and many other nations today” and proceeded to address the “crisis of contempt and polarization” that is “tearing our society apart.”  

However, Brooks kept his speech positive, saying he believes that within the crisis “resides the greatest opportunity we have ever had as people of faith to lift our nations up and bring our people together.” 

Arthur Brooks: Jesus Taught Us to Love Our Enemies

Calling Jesus “history’s greatest social entrepreneur,” Brooks spoke on Matthew 5:44, where Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Brooks said This thinking changed the world 2,000 years ago, and it’s as “subversive and counterintuitive today as it was then.”

The professor and author then went on to describe how this advice might play out practically, especially in the divisive world of politics and partisan leadership. Brooks suggested making the issue personal. He gave an example from his own life. Brooks is from Seattle, a city he acknowledges is very liberal. His parents were good, moral people who led him into a personal faith in Jesus Christ; they were also liberal like most other people living in Seattle. Brooks says this experience helps him refrain from vilifying liberals as evil and stupid. He also emphasized that we can really only persuade other people to join our thinking with love, not argument. 

“How many of you love somebody with whom you disagree politically?” Brooks asked the group of politicians. Raising his own hand, Brooks indicated they all should raise their hands if they do love such a person. At this point, President Trump, who was sitting to Brooks’ right side and in the camera shot, didn’t raise his. Brooks then said that moral courage isn’t necessarily standing up to your enemies or the people who disagree with you. Rather, it is standing up to the people with whom you agree on behalf of those with whom you disagree. “Can you do it? Are you up for it?” he asked the room. 

One of the main points Brooks made is that anger is not the problem–contempt is. Quoting 19th-century philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, Brooks defined contempt as “the unsullied conviction of the worthlessness of another.” When we treat each other this way, Brooks argued, this is what makes our disagreements “so bitter” and causes us to feel cooperation is “nearly impossible.”

Some say we need more civility and tolerance. “Nonsense,” Brooks said. “Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew didn’t say tolerate your enemies, he said love your enemies.” But how are we to do this in our day and age?

Brooks Gave three pieces of “homework” to those in attendance:

    1. Ask God to give you the strength to do this hard thing of loving your enemies. Brooks said this would require going against your own human nature. 
    2. Make a commitment to someone else to reject contempt. Brooks said rejecting contempt doesn’t look like setting aside disagreement. Rather, disagreement is good–in fact, “what makes America great is the competition of ideas, that’s part of democracy.” But Brooks called on the politicians to disagree without contempt. Ask someone to hold you accountable, he advised. Public leaders, for instance, could make this commitment publicly. 
    3. Go out looking for contempt and turn it on its head. This is how we will change the country, Brooks explains. Think like a missionary, Brooks admonished the group. Go out looking for opportunities to show love to people who disagree with you and who show you contempt. Additionally, if you can’t find contempt, you need a wider circle of friends, as “you’re in an echo chamber,” Brooks said.

If you’d like to hear the entirety of Brooks’ speech, you can do so starting at the 1:21 mark of this video:

Trump’s Remarks Following Brooks’ Speech

“I don’t know if I agree with you….I don’t know if Arthur’s going to like what I’m going to say,” the President said as he approached the microphone. Trump, looking toward Brooks, then said “but I like listening to you, it was very good, thank you very much.” 

Brazil’s President Joins 140,000 People at The Send Conference

Father’s Day program ideas for church

The Send conference in Brazil reportedly saw 140,000 attendees eager to say “no” to apathy and to live purposefully for God. Among the thousands in attendance was the country’s president, Jair Bolsonaro, who is heading into his second year in office.

“I’m utterly astounded by what God is doing in Brazil,” tweeted Christine Caine, who spoke at the conference. “This is Morumbi stadium packed out with a generation hungry for God. The thing is, I’m now on my way to speak at another packed out stadium in the SAME CITY.” 

The Send Conference in Brazil

The Send conference is a collaboration between several national ministries, including YWAM (Youth with a Mission), Lifestyle Christianity, and Lou Engle Ministries. The ministries’ leaders have made “a commitment to do whatever it would take to see the re-evangelization of America and the finishing of the Great Commission.” The first Send conference took place on February 23, 2019, and the next is scheduled for October of this year in Kansas City, Missouri. 

“If every believer just led one person to Jesus this year 1/3rd of America would come to know Jesus,” says the conference’s website. “We see an opportunity for a whole generation of believers to arise who will have no disconnect between their belief and action.”

The fact that last year’s Send conference generated some controversy does not seem to have affected the success of this year’s conference. The event took place on Saturday, February 8, at three stadiums, two of which sold out. Said Caine, “It was surreal. God is on the move.”

A post on The Send conference’s Facebook page says, “Get ready for the greatest harvest of all times! What is happening today in Brazil impacts all the nations of the world. The hungriest nation is now committing to the Great Commission in a new level of obedience.” In addition to Christian Caine, speakers at the The Send Conference in Brazil included Todd White and YWAM founder Loren Cunningham.

After the conference, one pastor tweeted  “I keep receiving news about the last Saturday: 4877 decisions, 7890 youth enrolled and committed to bring revival to their schools, 6457 enrolled to care for orphans, healings, people receiving the holy spirit while watching on youtube.”

Brazil’s President Born Again?

At one point during the conference, Todd White announced from the stage: “I just got word…that your president just got born again!” 

The crowd cheered enthusiastically, and some social media users passed on the news.

Others, however, pointed out that this is not the first time Bolsonaro has made a public profession of faith. One person responded saying, “Christians get fooled too easily.” Another posted a clip of Bolsonaro being baptized in 2016, asking “Again?” According to Brazilian newspaper Folha de S.Paulo, Bolsonaro has been a member of the Catholic church for some time, although his wife is Baptist and his son “has a great rapport with evangelical pastors.”

The reporter who tweeted about White’s announcement later clarified, “I asked The Send Brazil organizers, and they said Bolsonaro wasn’t making ‘a first decision for Christ,’ but he did say he believes in Jesus as his savior and that Brazil belongs to God.”

The greatness of God seems to have been a theme of the conference. 

Said Caine, “My biggest takeaway from being in Brazil is that I don’t believe God enough. I dream too small. I expect too little. I rationalize too much. I’ve decided to press in for more. Dig deeper for more. Pray fervently for more. My faith has been stretched and I love it!!!”

This Is How Saddleback Celebrated 40 Years of Ministry

Father’s Day program ideas for church

To celebrate its 40th birthday, Saddleback Church held a party yesterday for parishioners at its main campus in Lake Forest, California. Despite steady rain showers, thousands of attendees enjoyed fellowship, family activities, and a film screening about the megachurch’s history.

Members from Saddleback’s 14 satellite campuses gathered in Lake Forest, rather than having their usual weekend worship services. Special guests from the church’s four international campuses also attended.

At what was billed as “the biggest party of the year,” worship teams performed, current and past volunteers gathered for group photos, and guests completed an activity passport by visiting booths. Highlights included food, raffle prizes, a petting zoo, a Ferris wheel, and a zip line. 

Celebrating ‘countless lives changed’ 

In 1980, Rick and Kay Warren launched Saddleback Church as a Bible study group in their condo. The first worship service was held on Easter Sunday that year, in a high school gym. Since then, Saddleback has baptized more than 50,000 people and averages 30,000 weekly attendees.

Pastor Rick Warren, named one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” in 2005, is the author of books such as The Purpose Driven Life. Kay Warren, also an author, became a mental health advocate following the 2013 suicide of their son Matthew. Saddleback’s 40th anniversary festivities coincided with Kay Warren’s birthday.

Ahead of the party, the church posted invitations on its website and social media pages. “Over the decades there have been countless lives changed, hopes restored, and miracles have happened through what God is doing through our church family. So we want to celebrate with you and everyone who has ever been a part of Saddleback.”

40 Years Was a Key Goal for Pastor Warren

When the Warrens began Saddleback, their goal was to stay in one location long-term. “Kay and I made this crazy promise when we were 25 years old that we would give 40 years to one location, that we wouldn’t move, and that we wouldn’t be tempted to go to another church,” Rick Warren told the OC Register. “I’ve been offered all kinds of different jobs with Christian organizations, seminaries, and denominations. I’ve never moved, and as I stood up at the first service this year, I’m thinking we did it, we kept our promise, we gave 40 years to one place and I’ve loved these people.” Relationships, hospitality, and community outreach have been key to Saddleback’s success, he says.

As a prelude to this year’s anniversary, Saddleback held a “Daring Faith” campaign, with “faith-stretching” goals of attendance, giving, and world impact. On February 2, in his “2020 Vision” message, Warren shared some next-step outreach plans, including “a world-class restorative retreat center with support for different kinds of pain.”

Rather than predicting what will change in the future, Pastor Warren speaks about “what’s not going to change.” He says, “People will still have marriage problems, they’re still going to be lonely, they’re still going to want to know the purpose of life, they still have problems with depression, fear, bitterness, jealousy. They’re human problems. If you’re dealing with personal lives of people, you’re always relevant.”

How to Lead a Powerful I Still Believe Movie Outreach Campaign

Father’s Day program ideas for church

From the creators of I Can Only Imagine comes the faith-movie event of 2020, I Still Believe. A love story for the ages, I Still Believe is the real-life story of chart-topping singer Jeremy Camp. I Still Believe is a powerful reminder that in the midst of life’s storms, true hope is only found in Christ.

Why not lead your church in a powerful campaign surrounding the I Still Believe movie (releasing March 13, 2020)?

I STILL BELIEVE CAMPAIGN PLAN

A great campaign begins with prayer and planning.

1. Pray.

Begin by asking God to direct and inspire your plans for activities and events connected to the I Still Believe movie campaign. Pray that He will move within the hearts of your members and your community to bring people to a place of deeper trust in Him and commitment to His design for their lives.

2. Read.

Read through the sermons and other resources in this kit and watch the video clips. Giving yourself a good overview of the available resources will help you as you communicate with your leaders and plan your events.

3. Cast Vision.

Meet with your leadership team and cast a vision for how the I Still Believe campaign can affect your church and your community. Consider using the promotional materials in this kit, as well as prayer and discussion to help excite your team and create a unified vision.

4. Engage Your Leaders.

The I Still Believe campaign will provide ministry opportunities across all areas of your church, so plan to meet with all your ministry leaders to ask for their help and support. Be sure to listen to their ideas, suggestions, and needs in order to make this a meaningful campaign. Encourage your leaders to make the events and themes of the I Still Believe campaign a focused priority and to pray for the services and sermon outreach plans. Keep communication channels open to help all your ministries work together and support the overall goals of the church through the events you plan. Some of the leaders you’ll want to coordinate with include:

• Teachers: The I Still Believe movie will likely stir up some important questions for members of your community about what it means to live on mission for God, or how they can best follow God’s calling on their life. Be sure to connect with a handful of mature believers in your church body ahead of time who will be available to meet with others in a more personal setting. They can provide a listening ear, prayerful support, and sound advice.

• Parking, Greeters, and Ushers: Plan for additional church service attendees during the two-week sermon series. Make sure you have sufficient volunteers and parking spaces.

• Children’s Ministry: Since you will have new families visiting your church, you can also plan on having more children in your children’s ministry. Talk with ministry leaders about lesson plans, visitor gifts, and information packets for visiting parents, as well as childcare volunteer requirements. See the Host section for more information.

• Small Groups: If you plan to invite visitors and church members to sign up for small groups during or after the two-week I Still Believe sermon series, make sure to talk with your small group leaders in advance. Encourage group leaders to prepare ways to communicate the small group opportunities and to register those interested. Encourage them to welcome new members and to be prepared to integrate them into their groups smoothly.

• Assimilation: Talk with your assimilation team about plans to follow up with visitors through phone calls, emails, letters, and visits. See the Follow Up section for more.

5. Create a Detailed Plan.

Use this guide, as well as the kit resources, to create a detailed plan and schedule that includes action steps, leader responsibilities, and deadlines specific to your church.

Pastor, Let the Children Preach: Why You Should Let the Youth Group Invade Your Pulpit

Father’s Day program ideas for church

For the last two years, I’ve been teaching Scripture, theology, and ethics at a small Christian high school that shares space with a local church. It took me a year and a half to realize that, on one of my classroom walls, half-hidden behind a filing cabinet and obscured beneath a coat of paint, was a Bible verse, written in red: “Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12.

Do you ever have one of those moments when something happens and you think, “Uh, is this a metaphor?”

Yes, Virginia, there is a metaphor.

After two years of teaching Bible to freshmen and sophomores, I’ve realized something that pastors, youth leaders, and anyone interested in the word “discipleship” need to know.

Teenagers are called to preach. You should welcome them to preach in your church. You should do it today.

What happened?

How did I come to this conviction? It began when I was given the opportunity to teach “Scriptural Interpretation” as part of my course load.

Students at my school had already received Bible survey classes in middle school, so my project as their high school instructor was to plunge them deeper into the task of interpretation. As I designed these classes, I realized that the primary way we encounter scriptural interpretation is through preaching.

Since the students were already learning the basics of rhetoric in other courses, the next step was gleefully simple: my group of 14 to 16 year olds would each be assigned to preach a sermon.

Many of my students came from evangelical, “Worship and Word” churches (45 minutes of singing, 45 minutes of sermon), so naturally they were a bit aghast when I informed them they would write and preach a sermon to their classmates (and any other teachers who wanted to listen in). But they soon discovered that my assignment was not a 45-minute gallop, but rather what Anglicans know as a homily: 10-14 minutes, rhetorically precise, with differing structures and effects depending on the passage selected. Their relief was palpable.

This last year we studied the interpretation of the Old Testament and their task was to preach a Prophetic Sermon. They had to (1) choose a group or audience, (2) identify an idol that their chosen group worships, and (3) speak from Scripture God’s word of judgment and mercy to that group.

We began by studying Amos, Isaiah, and Jeremiah, looking at the pathos of prophetic poetry, the way the Word of the Lord brings both judgment and mercy. We researched artists who embody prophetic critique and watched pastors issue bold calls to their congregations. And then, after weeks of preparation, I called them up to preach.

“Prophets make people uncomfortable,” I told them in their pep talk, “so make us feel uncomfortable when you preach.”

Little did I know.

For audiences, they chose their youth groups, the school they attended, and American churches of comfort and privilege.

They spoke about idols: self-regard, disunity, consumerism, comfort, tribalism, and nationalism. They brought attention to the inconsistent ways Christians love each other, the masks we wear, how churches will split over buildings and ignore the poor, and how resistant we are to completely surrendering our lives to God.

They declared God’s mercy in “building longer tables instead of higher walls,” and that every opportunity to love someone is an opportunity to delight in God.

They cried in front of each other without shame. They declared God’s values with boldness, God’s priorities with insight, and God’s judgment and mercy with love.

But, most of all, it is what they told me after the assignment was finished that moved me to write this piece.

Preaching as Discipleship

Discipleship is a dialogue—necessarily so. You are always someone’s disciple. Obedience, assent, and liturgical practices are all dialogic acts. They can never be done in isolation, without an other.

As Christians, that other is first and foremost Jesus Christ, our Creator, Lord and brother. As he did what he saw the Father doing, so we also enact what we see him doing. From that primary relationship, it is no great leap to say that preaching is rightly and properly done by all baptized Christians, all members of the Lord’s family. As Jesus proclaimed the good news, so do we.

What I discovered in watching these teenagers learn to preach, and in hearing the words they were given, is that we need more preaching, not less.

We need this because, as one student said to me after finishing her sermon, “I was able to find my voice through preaching.” That, right there, is why I am writing.

Fr. John Wallace, my mentor during my diaconal year, used to say to me, “We all have a sermon in us. Mine is ‘God is so much better than you think he is.’” We don’t know what that sermon, that word, is until we are called to speak it. For those of you who preach, you know that preaching has made you a more dedicated, responsible, and dependent disciple.

Fr. John also knew when I preached a bad sermon—and I preached several. He showed courage and vulnerability by letting the pulpit of his new church plant be a place where I could learn to preach. “But we don’t have to put that one on the website.” Merciful words.

How many places in your parish do young people have to find their voice, to enter into the dialogue of discipleship with the Lord?

Where can the Word of the Lord come to them and where can they objectively act on it?

Where can the community recognize them as examples to follow, “in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity”?

Let me suggest one place all Anglicans have for young people to preach more regularly.

Small Graces

Sometimes the fine print is really amazing. Does that mean I read through every iTunes user agreement? Nope. But a great thing about the Prayer Book fine print is that it gives you some amazing details about Anglican life and liturgy.

You can start preaching at the Daily Office.

“A sermon may be preached after the Office; or, within the Office, after the Readings or at the time of the hymn or anthem after the Collects.” 1979 BCP, p. 142.

“A sermon may be preached after the lessons, after the hymn or anthem following the Collects, or after the conclusion of the Office.” 2019 BCP, p. 56.

The Daily Office is a perfect place to welcome youth to preach regularly in your parish.

Invite a high schooler to speak for five minutes on one way that morning or evening’s readings might change our lives. What word from the Lord do we need to hear in this place? What daily challenge can be brought to the Lord?

Anglicans have more opportunities to preach built into our liturgy than we really know what to do with. Instead of passing them by, let’s take them up and give them to our young people who are looking for ways to find belonging and belief in our churches. Give them a daily, Scripture-filled venue to find their voices in God. The kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

If your parish has a youth group, then invite them to preach there. One of the students from my class was asked to preach her sermon again to the whole school during our weekly chapel. Her sermon was about the biblical call to love our neighbors, especially the stranger, the orphan, and the widow. It was a moving sermon. But what riveted me was seeing 4th and 5th grade boys and girls sit completely still and focused on what she was saying. They were listening. A dialogue was starting. Discipleship was happening.

My own first sermon for the Sunday liturgy was during a summer internship. This was a unique church that, unlike most Anglican parishes, didn’t see a slowdown in attendance over the summer. If you’re a clergy person reading this and thinking, “yes, the summer slowdown! I’m going to welcome a young person to preach in late July!” Don’t. Let’s give young people opportunities to preach that engage your whole community.

I mean, don’t take Trinity Sunday away from the Associate Priests and Deacons, not that far…I tease. But give youth opportunities to be welcomed into the regular rhythm of parish life, times when people will show up.

I live next to a baseball field and regularly hear balls smashed against metal bats at 10:30pm and parents cheering with abandon. That’s faithfulness in the liturgy of sports. What about the Kingdom of God? If we are inviting young people to preach in the liturgy of God’s Church, let’s make sure they have a supportive and eager audience. Give your young preacher a team of people to pray for them and give them feedback when they finish.

We need to broaden our vision for preaching in the Anglican Tradition and take every opportunity to live into the fullness of the Church’s liturgical call. When the Prayer Book says “may”, let’s imagine what could happen if we read “should”. We need more preaching, by more people, with a multitude of voices.

The Word of the Lord is already coming to our young people. Will we equip them to speak it and will we be there to listen when they do?

Next Steps

So, let’s say you are thinking, “Ok, I see your point about letting youth preach and I’d like to, but I’m a busy pastor and don’t have time to teach preaching to the youth group. What should I do?”

First, start small and think with a cultivation mindset.

Ask a young person to give a short testimony as an illustration to your sermon.

Have young people regularly participate as Readers in the liturgy. Reading Scripture is the first step in interpretation. Ask your readers, “If you had to preach a sermon on this passage, what would you say?”

From there, it’s a small step to having a reader share a short meditation during small group or the Daily Office.

Second, form a cohort.

Set ambitious goals and give young people a community to travel with.

Have them listen to sermons together, analyze them, ask how the words are working to form emotion and argument.

Ask them to tell about their favorite artist or musician, how they create their songs.

Read Scripture together and have them preach to each other.

Show them how to listen for the Holy Spirit, and what word the Spirit might be prompting into a sermon.

Offer ways to grow for next time.

Third, don’t look for perfection and don’t let perfection become an idol.

Amos was blunt. Ezekiel was visionary. Jeremiah was pathetic. All spoke the Word of the Lord.

Commit to giving youth multiple opportunities to preach and be open about the mistakes you’ve made as a preacher. A blooper reel sets everyone at ease.

If they were not raised Anglican and have different expectations or internal habits about what constitutes a “sermon,” help bring those out and affirm the diversity of preaching. I remember listening to a 25-minute sermon and being disappointed because it felt like a mere introduction compared to the sermons I grew up with. Help them see the impact you can have with 3 minutes of speaking.

Fourth, share the vision.

Share a vision with your youth ministry team for what catechesis can look like in your parish. Catechesis comes from the Greek word katékhéo, a compound word (kata-ekheo) that can mean “to echo down,” another dialogic activity.

This isn’t just making sure kids have the right ideas, but is about sharing a form of life with them, one in which they are bodily participants. If we spend time in church preaching to them, and since preaching is vital to our life as Christians (Rom. 10:14), we should help them imitate that form of life and make it their own.

Fith, take risks in faith.

Pray for boldness for yourself and for your young preacher.

How many sermons have you walked into the pulpit completely calm and ready to preach? Oh, zero? Me too.

No one is ever completely ready, but we are called to speak.

Let the kids preach, and do not hinder them, for the Word of the Lord comes to such as these.

This article originally appeared here.

A Divorced Couple Shares Their Experience with Spiritual Abuse

Father’s Day program ideas for church

“The biggest harm they did,” says Peter, regarding his exposure to spiritual abuse, “was they tried harder than most churches to have an extremely clear vision of what ‘good’ is.”

We can probably all agree that few people deliberately choose to get involved in a community characterized by spiritual abuse. As one author who has suffered at the hands of abusive churches says, “Often, you don’t realize you’re in a situation until your health is damaged, your soul is torn or your outside relationships suffer.” 

We want to share the story of two people we’ll call Peter and Katie who attended a church from a well-known denomination in Virginia and the surrounding area. Although married at the time, they have since divorced, and Peter is now agnostic. While their former church is not solely to blame for what happened to their family, it had a significant, negative impact on them. Peter and Katie’s hope (and ours) in sharing their story is that others will learn from their experience with spiritual abuse and avoid a similar one.

The Steep, Slippery Slope into Spiritual Abuse

Peter and Katie began attending the church in 2004 and left in 2011 when they moved out of the state. Although he has since walked away from Christianity, Peter doesn’t feel it’s fair to blame their church (at least not any more or less than other churches) for the negativity and the spiritual abuse they experienced there. “All they had,” he says, “was a very clearly defined idea of how Christians should live.” 

Yet a clearly defined idea can be enough to cause real harm to people. As J.D. Greear observes, “Heresy can be what you believe, but perhaps just as often, heresy is the weight you give an issue you believe…Some people give such enormous weight to minor issues that the gospel itself is obscured.”

Katie has a slightly different viewpoint from Peter’s. “I hated it,” she says. 

The church Peter and Katie attended did not demand that people give up obvious freedoms to be part of its community. They were just very specific about what a “good, Christian life” was. One result of this mentality was that the church’s culture had a clear “in” group—those who subscribed to its version of a good, Christian life—and a clear “out” group—those who did not fit the church’s mold.

Those who did not fit in then either left the church or stayed and conformed as they could, perpetually feeling like outsiders. “It was a slippery slope and a very steep slope,” says Peter. “It was a painful dichotomy. It was like living a double life.”

This Is How You Belong 

So what did this version of spiritual abuse look like? What did people have to do to belong? Peter and Katie agree that fitting in boiled down to being financially well-off, keeping up the appearance that your life was going well, and following a specific, conservative view of men’s and women’s roles. 

The two say that their particular church had a problem with materialism, although it was the one issue they mentioned during the interview that they didn’t think was a systemic problem in the whole denomination. In the church’s culture, there was pressure to appear “cute and fit” and to have nice things. Needing to be well-off financially increased the burden on the husband to support his family since he was expected to be the sole breadwinner. One reason Peter and Katie did not feel like they fit in at the church was because they did not have as much money as other people did. 

The pressure to keep up appearances meant that people were compelled to hide their flaws and their personal struggles. If your marriage or your family was in trouble, it was better to conceal that from people and pretend that everything was ok.

“One thing that I think, looking back, was absolutely destructive for our marriage,” says Peter, “was that there was so much emphasis on the sequence of operations: you get married, you have kids, you buy a house, you get a nice car, you get a second nice car, and there was so much emphasis on that sequence…there was no time to actually evaluate your relationship, to focus on connecting as human beings and ask tough questions of each other and grow together. There was absolutely no time for that. Zero.”

Women were expected to get married as soon as they were of an age to do so. Once married, it was assumed they would not work outside the home—that was the man’s responsibility. Says Katie, “If you were married without children and you still worked outside of the home, you were made to feel like an outsider.” This was her experience when they started attending the church.

How to Host a Parent’s Night Out: Valentine’s Day Edition

Father’s Day program ideas for church

We decided to host our first Parent’s Night Out on Valentine’s Day this year. I am generally not a big fan of doing events that are basically childcare oriented, but I had a few solid reasons for putting on this event.

  1. It would be a ministry to the parents by offering them dirt cheap childcare.
  2. We had a theme day, called Love Bash, scheduled for the next morning where ministry would occur, so Parent’s Night Out provided a great opportunity to advertise and invite kids back the next morning.
  3. We already had a Valentine’s Day set up for Love Bash.

Honestly, I didn’t realize I was going to get so much great feedback and so many thank you’s from the parents, even before we put on the actual event. I guess four hours of entertainment and food for their kids (four hours of kid-free time for parents), all for $5, was a pretty good deal. Regardless of the fact this was basically a childcare event, I still wanted it to be awesome. So, if you are interested in the details of what exactly we did with a room of 40-50 crazy kids for four hours read on.

Valentine’s Day Night Out Schedule

5-5:30 – Free Time

We started the night off with some free time for the kids. If you have worked with children for any length of time, you know that you won’t really have your whole group of kids there until at least 30 minutes into the event. We set up a craft activity station (coloring sheets, DIY Valentine’s day cards, bookmarks, bracelets, random craft items), a game station (board games, bop-its, twister, Play Doh), and a video game hang-out area. We were fortunate enough to have beautiful weather here in Texas that day, so we also allowed the kids to go outside for some sports/games with a couple of our male leaders during this time.

Hillsong Kids: Light of the World

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Watch Hillsong Kids worship with a contemporary sound and hearts focused on Christ.

4 Countercultural Characteristics of Authentic Community

Father’s Day program ideas for church

How do you know when something is authentic? In the case of currency, the way a secret service agent is trained to detect counterfeit money is to spend a lot of time with the real thing. Want to make sure you’re buying an authentic Rolex watch or designer handbag? If the price is too good to be true (or you’re haggling with a road-side vendor), you’re probably about to purchase a knock-off.

Authentic hundred dollar bills, Rolex watches and Michael Kors handbags have characteristics that make it easy to distinguish between the real thing and a counterfeit.

What about authentic community? I like the four characteristics Bill Hybels shared years ago in a message at Willow Creek. He said that the characteristics of authentic community are:

1. To know and be known. Way more than casual acquaintances or Facebook friends. Deeper than the surface level, mask-wearing, master of disguise forms so common today. To truly know and be truly known is to share life. Can you imagine Peter’s desperate desire to be known when Jesus asked him a third time if he loved him? “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you” (John 21:17). Is anything more countercultural than to drop our mask and let our friends see who we really are?

2. To love and be loved. Beyond being liked or likable, to love and be loved is about following Jesus’ example. Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). He went on to say, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). If it’s hard for many to allow anyone to truly love us, it seems near impossible for most of us to show love first. If there has ever been a more countercultural action, I don’t know what it is.

3. To serve and be served. To expect to be served is ordinary. When we experience substandard service at a restaurant, we feel justified in leaving a smaller tip (or even omitting a tip!). To adopt the posture of a servant? Not easily done. Jesus demonstrated this countercultural characteristic when He set aside what was truly His and took on the form of a servant (Philippians 2:5-8). When He washed the disciples’ feet, he said, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:14-15).

4. To celebrate and be celebrated. How rare to be genuinely celebrated! How uncharacteristic of the 21st century to celebrate the accomplishments of anyone else. The apostle Paul instructed us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Who can truly do either? Countercultural and yet at the heart of authentic community.

Four characteristics of authentic community. Four countercultural characteristics. Are you there? Can you go there? Wouldn’t it be sad if the tribe leading the way had never really experienced the life in authentic community that God designed for us?  

5 Films (and a Netflix Series) Christians Will Want to See in 2020

Christian films
Screengrabs Youtube @I am Patrick Trailer @I Still Believe Trailer @Just Mercy Official Trailer @Free Burma Rangers Trailer @Messiah Trailer

The year 2020 brings some exciting new Christian films and a Netflix series to watch. We’ve listed the movies we’re most excited about seeing by their release date.

Messiah

Released January 1st on Netflix

Produced by Mark Burnett and Roma Downey, this thriller series tells the fictional story of a modern-day messiah figure. Michelle Monaghan plays a CIA agent who is tasked with getting to the bottom of this mysterious figure’s origins and intentions. Each episode leads her closer to answering the question of whether this messiah figure is truly the Christ come again or the best con man on the planet. Please note: some may find the portrayal of a second-coming of Christ in our current times (and the belief some of the characters in the series hold that he is a con-man) offensive. We don’t feel it was the intention of the producers to offend Christians or people of other religions, rather to explore the question of what it might look like if Christ came back now. Still, please use your discretion. 

Just Mercy

Releases January 10th. 

Just Mercy is a feature film following the real-life story of attorney Bryan Stevenson. Jamie Foxx plays Walter McMillian in the film, a black man who was convicted and sentenced to death for a murder he did not commit. Michael B. Jordan (of Black Panther fame) plays Stevenson, who intervenes in McMillian’s case to save him from a punishment he does not deserve. Just Mercy is based on Stevenson’s book by the same title, which highlights the story of just one of the seemingly hopeless cases Stevenson has taken on in real life with his organization, the  Equal Justice Initiative. The movie is an inspiring look at the work Stevenson’s faith has compelled him to take on. Foxx was nominated for a Screen Actor’s Guild award for best supporting actor for his role in this film. 

I Still Believe

Releases March 13, 2020

I Still Believe is a feature film telling the real-life story Christian musician Jeremy Camp’s marriage. Camp’s wife, Melissa, battled cancer, and the story follows their relationship of love and loss. The film leans on the acting talent of KJ Apa (who stars in Riverdale), Brit Robertson, Gary Sinise, and Shania Twain

This documentary follows the Dave and Karen Eubank family into war zones where they are fighting to bring hope. “Viewers will follow the family into firefights, heroic rescues, and experience life-changing ministry,” the film’s website states. Dave Eubank founded the Free Burma Rangers over 20 years ago in response to conflict in Burma (also known as Myanmar). Eubank is a former U.S. Special Forces soldier turned missionary. Dave, Karen, and their three children are involved in this dangerous work, but they don’t let fear keep them from doing what they believe God has called them to do. Please note: viewer discretion is advised with this movie as it includes intense, graphic sequences of war violence.

I Am Patrick 

Releases March 17-18th in select theaters 

This docudrama tells the real story of St. Patrick. The filmmakers have used historical reenactments, interviews with experts, and Patrick’s own writings to piece together the incredible story of the man who history credits with bringing Christianity to Ireland. The docudrama follows Patrick as he was kidnapped by pirates in his native Britain in the 5th century. Patrick was sent to Ireland, which was considered outside the realm of the known world at the time. The inhabitants of Ireland were anything but Christian, which is how Patrick grew up. For six years, he served as a shepherd and discovered what it truly means to trust a faithful God. Patrick escaped back to Britain, but heard a call from God to go back to Ireland to evangelize. Follow Patrick’s incredible journey of faith, persecution, and obedience in this exciting docudrama. 

Rise

Releases April 10, 2020

Rise stars Sterling K. Brown (This Is Us) as janitor Willie Davis who took over a failing middle school basketball team. The true-life story follows Davis as he instructs players to prioritize  “the Lord, books and basketball” and leads them to a state championship. “Willie Davis is a true American hero. I’m honored to tell his story on film, and there’s nothing better than having Sterling K. Brown play the role,” director Kevin Rodney Sullivan says. (This film’s trailer is not yet available.)

The Right Way to Disciple New Believers

Father’s Day program ideas for church

George Patterson shares his thoughts about what it looks like to disciple new believers like the early church leaders.

Practical Idea: What would it look like for you to evangelize like the Apostles in your context?

George Patterson: Evangelize Like the Apostles from Verge Network on Vimeo.

John MacArthur: Is Your Leadership Above Reproach?

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Copyright 2011, Grace to You. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
This article originally appeared here at Grace to You.

A small item I read in the news 20 years ago has stuck in my mind ever since. The Rockdale County High School Bulldogs basketball team of Conyers, Ga., won their first-ever state championship in March of 1987, rolling over all their opponents. After 18 years of coaching the team without a championship, coach Cleveland Stroud was ecstatic.

But a few weeks after the championship game, Coach Stroud was doing a routine review of his players’ grades when he discovered that one of his third-string players had failed some courses, rendering the player academically ineligible for the basketball team.

The struggling student was by no means a factor in the team’s victory. He was an underclassman who suited up for games but hadn’t actually seen any playing time all season. During one of the semifinal matches, however, with the team leading by more than 20 points, Coach Stroud wanted to give every player an opportunity to participate. He had put that player in the game for less than 45 seconds. The ineligible man had scored no points. His participation had in no way affected the outcome of the game. But it was, technically, a violation of state eligibility standards.

Coach Stroud was in a distressing predicament. If he revealed the infraction, his team would be disqualified and stripped of their championship. If he kept quiet, it was highly unlikely anyone outside the school would ever discover the offense.

Yet the coach realized that at the very least, the player involved was aware of the breach of rules. It was also possible that other students on the team knew and thought their coach had purposely ignored the eligibility guidelines. But more important still, Coach Stroud himself knew, and if he deliberately tried to keep the facts from coming to light, his greatest coaching victory would be forever tainted with an ugly secret.

Coach Stroud said from the moment he discovered the violation, he knew what he had to do. He never even pondered any alternatives. His priorities had been set long before this. He realized that his team’s championship was not as important as their character. “People forget the scores of basketball games,” he said. “They don’t ever forget what you’re made of.”

He reported the infraction and forfeited the only state championship his team had ever won.

But both coach and team won a far more important kind of honor than they forfeited. They kept their integrity intact and gained an immeasurable amount of trust and respect. The coach was recognized with numerous teacher-of-the-year, coach-of-the-year and citizen-of-the-year awards, as well as a formal commendation from the Georgia State Legislature. A few years later he was elected to Conyers City council, where he still serves. He was right. People who would have long ago forgotten about the Bulldogs’ victory in the state championship have never forgotten about this coach’s integrity.

Ethical integrity is one of the indispensable attributes of Christlike character. As vital as it is to be sound in doctrine and faithful in teaching the truth of Scripture, it is by no means less crucial for Christians to be upright in heart and consistent in our obedience to the moral and ethical principles of God’s law.

Top 3 Ways to Handle Snacks in Kidmin

What do we do with snacktime in children’s ministry when there are so many food allergies with kids?

It’s a real issue and one we need to grapple with. I remember one of my fondest memories as a kid at church was eating an orange pushup at a VBS–regardless of the fact that we were standing on hot pavement for snack time. And now, it makes me sad in my 2-year-old class when little ones say to me “I hungy” and I have to say that we’re not allowed to give them snacks anymore. Is this what we’ve come to?

We asked children’s ministers on our poll at www.childrensministry.com how they handle allergy policies. Here are the top three ways they do it:

1. We rely on parents to inform us if there are any allergies we need to know about (79%).

2. We provide food but post the ingredients and make sure parents alert us to allergies (16%).

3. We don’t allow any food in our programs (5%).

The fourth option was “We allow kids to bring their own food, but don’t provide any.” (This is actually what our church does.)

So how does your church handle food allergies in your children’s ministry? Post to help us all grapple with this issue.

How’s Your Senior Leadership Team Doing?

Father’s Day program ideas for church

During the first half of 2012, we invited churches from around the world to assess their senior leadership team for free. Nearly 600 people representing leadership teams at 145 churches took us up on the offer – and the results provided some surprising insights. In our first report from the study Searching for Strong Senior Leadership Teams: What 145 Church Teams Told Us, which is available via free download here, we list the top 10 findings to help senior leadership teams see how they compare to teams at other churches, then share 7 targeted, practical steps leaders can take to grow their teams.

At end of this article you’re warmly invited to participate in a new wave of the study (free). You’re also welcome to the read the full report for all 10 findings, but here is a peek at the two we think are most interesting:

First, although team members listed “coordinating leadership activities” and “making critical, church-wide decisions” as the most important purposes of their teams, their teams actually spend less than half their time on these activities.

In senior leadership team meetings, other tasks, however worthwhile, may be detracting or distracting from the group’s primary purposes. For example, one team reported spending up to “half our time reviewing weekend services,” while another spends more than half their time in “general discussion.” One team said that 40% of their time is “wasted on non-essential/surface issues,” while another said it spends half their meeting time “listening to our senior leader tell us what us what’s going on.” Yet another church said they spend a third of their meeting time “solving problems.”  All of this leads us to wonder if those problems truly require the entire team’s involvement, or whether the conversations involve just a couple of people while others wait idly.

This participant feedback suggests that teams could clarify their primary purposes, as well as assess and grow in their awareness of what they are actually doing with their time. If churches desire senior leadership teams who can coordinate leadership activities and make critical, church-wide decisions, they must spend their time doing so.  Teams struggling in this area may benefit from looking at whether they’re trying to do too much, and/or whether they can assign some of their tasks to other teams or individuals.

Second, the average team in our survey had six members – but teams ranged in size from three to 18.  More interesting, when we asked members of the same team how many people were on their team, they too often gave different numbers! Roughly two-thirds of the churches (at least 63%) gave differing numbers, which indicates there’s a lack of clarity regarding who is on the team and who isn’t. Of course, this makes becoming an effective team very difficult.

In addition to confusion surrounding the number of people on the teams surveyed, a surprising number of teams included 10 or more people. This also makes effective teamwork difficult, because the larger a team becomes, the more challenges it faces in managing information, coordinating activities, developing high-trust relationships, and communicating effectively.

Due to the prevalence of confusion regarding team membership, we encourage every team to take some time to clarify who is part of the senior leadership team and who is not. And for the large teams, we suggest narrowing the team’s membership to facilitate discussion, decision making, relationship building, and coordination.

To download the FREE report with all 10 findings and practical tips, each with commentary and examples, click hereIf you weren’t able to participate last year but wish to benefit from this free assessment, we’re opening the assessment once more, but only through the end of February 2013.  To learn more or to sign up your team for the assessment, click here

Ryan Hartwig loves Jesus and the local church, and his heart beats for discipleship. He grew up in a Pastor’s home, married a Pastor’s daughter, and has spent his entire life participating in the life of the local church. He has volunteered leading youth ministry, Bible studies and small groups, mission trips, and college ministry from my teen years to today. Visit Ryan Hartwig at www.ryanhartwig.com.
Warren Bird oversees the research division of Leadership Network, has co-authored 24 books, and is a frequent contributor to Outreach magazine. More from Warren Bird or visit Warren at warrenbird.com/.

What do Teens, College Students and Parents Need?

Father’s Day program ideas for church

I am thrilled to share with you that I have a new book coming out at the beginning of April with Zondervan Publishing.  It is an updated and fresh perspective on helping high school students transition into the real world and college life while holding onto their faith in Jesus.  This book is for parents, students, youth workers, senior pastors and the average adult wanting to understand how to impact the next generation for Christ.  This book is more than a graduation gift (although it could be!).  It can be used as a curriculum for youth workers or parents.  Take a look at the chapters below.
I am especially excited about the chapters on Grace, Scripture, and Worldview helping the next generation lay a firm foundation for why they believe what they believe.  Can the teens and twenty-somethings you know answer this question, “Why do you believe what you believe?”  This book will help them on the journey.

Here is the synopsis of The Ultimate Guide to Being Christian in College: Don’t Forget to Pack Your Faith.

“Are you fully prepared to enter the “real world” after high school to become an adult? This book will help you get on the right trail, answering the right questions and getting the right gear for the journey.

Are You Ready for the Rest of Your Life? You got the high school diploma, received the college acceptance letter, and have your eye on that dorm fridge. Everything seems new and exciting—but with those positive feelings come huge questions about what awaits you once you’re no longer home but sharing a small room with strangers instead. Don’t fear! Here is your essential guide for everything you need to know to survive and thrive, with tips on: • Dorm life • Dealing with professors • Selecting classes • Balancing school and fun • Standing firm in your faith • Becoming who you’re meant to be • And more! With godly wisdom and understanding, Dr. Jeff Baxter draws from his experience helping young adults like you build a solid foundation for your life ahead.”

Here are the Chapters:

Part One: Identity—–Who Am I?1.—Grace: The Priceless Gift
2.—Scripture: Your Authority
3.—Scripture: The Whole Story
4.—Belief: Faith in Jesus
5.—Doubt: Those Uncertain Moments
6.—God’s Will: His Design for You
7.—Prayer: Talking with God

Part Two:—Choices—Do My Decisions Matter? 8.—Worldview: Owning Your Faith
9.—Responsibility: Getting Wisdom
10.—Morality: Smart Behavior
11.—Your Major: Figuring Out the Right Direction
12.—Classroom: Maximizing Your Learning
13.—Money: Cash and Canned Goods
14.—Stress: Managing the Pressure

Part Three: –Belonging—Where Do I Fit? 15.—Parents: Adjusting Your Relationship
16.—Friends: Finding and Keeping Them
17.—Dorm Life: Bonding with Strangers
18.—Campus: Getting Connected and Involved
19.—Mentoring: Spiritual Growth with Others
20.—Dating and Sex: Searching for a Spouse
21.—Church: Finding and Investing in a Local Family

A Final Word (or Two Thousand): The Next Several Days of Keeping Your Faith

To read more and order the book, go here.

Join the conversation here on facebook.

More to come…

What do you think?

The Right Approach To Bible Study In Your Youth Ministry

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Lately, we’ve been in a “busier than usual” production cycle. We’ve been fairly immersed in the role of the Bible in youth ministry lately.

Which, you know, isn’t a bad thing at all!

First, I was blessed to get to write an essay for the excellent book, Two Sides: Finding What Fits Your Youth Ministry (available any day now from Group/Simply Youth Ministry) in which I make the case for Bible-centered, expositional teaching in youth ministry. Next, we’re releasing a brand new book in the next few weeks entitled The 7 Best Practices of Teaching Teenagers the Bible. Details are coming. You’re going to love it! Finally, we’re getting ready for the workshops we’ll be leading at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in a few weeks. One of them comes from the strategies in the 7 Best Practices book. The other workshop is kind of a Bible Study 101 that looks at all things Bible Study for youth ministry: how to think about a comprehensive philosophy, a look at what curriculum is available, and how to craft series and lessons from scratch.

See? I told you . . . That’s a lot of Bible! :)

All this focus on the Bible and youth ministry led me to articulate something I had sort of internally understood for a while, I think, but hadn’t really put into words until recently. What I realized was this:

We often swing the Bible Study pendulum to two different extremes, both of them missing the real purpose.

On one extreme I see youth workers take a verse here and a verse there to build a culture-saturated lesson high on cool points but low on God. This extreme feels fun and interactive. But, when we embrace this extreme, we miss the point. On the other extreme I see youth workers teach the Bible like it were some sort of a self-help handbook, where the focus is on finding verses that address specific behaviors of their students. The problem with this is one of motivation. If we’re not careful we create an us-centered, legalistic mindset where God comes in second to what WE can or should do. Both of these extremes come from a place of good-intentions but, as I said, they miss the point.

So what is the better way?

Your ideal approach to Bible Study should be about one thing: leading students to encounter God and His ways in His Word. It is a Christ-centered, God-driven approach to knowing God through the Bible. After all, God gave us His Word so we could know Him, not so we could launch into feel-good pop culture narratives. And not so we can teach a “salvation” of self-sufficient morality.

Here’s the deal . . . if we make leading students to God the primary purpose of our time in Bible Study, we won’t have to worry about relevance. God transcends relevance! And the good or bad things our students do won’t be our motivation. Why? When they know God, when they truly know Him, they will be motivated to live like Him out of LOVE!

At ym360, this message is our heartbeat! We hope you can see this in the way we create our Bible Study Resources, in how we craft our Free Lessons, and in other resources, such as the upcoming Book line we’re launching. We are so extremely passionate about your students encountering God through engaging with the Bible. It’s what motivates us to do what we do.

If this message resonates with you, and if you find yourself needing a fresh approach to how YOU do Bible Study, as a resourcing organization we’d love to help . . .

One of our newest resources is the Bible Book Study Trio. The Book Study Trio is THREE, 6-lesson Bible Book studies that are biblically solid, culturally relevant, and highly interactive. (But they’re also easy to teach!)

We’ve coupled the following three Bible Books together to give your students an amazing picture of who God is and how His ways are to be lived out:

  • JOHN teaches students the identity of Christ and the purpose of His mission.
  • JAMES shows your students what a life of active faith looks like, and,
  • COLOSSIANS, challenges your students to live a Christ-focused life where all they are and all they do flows from Christ in them.

So, as you seek to lead your students closer to God and His ways through engaging with the Bible, we want to support and equip you. That’s why we’d love for you to sample the Bible Book Study Trio from ym360.

Grab more info, watch lesson media previews, and download samples HERE.

And if you have any questions, give us a call at 888.96.ym360. (And don’t forget, all orders placed on over the phone receive free shipping!!)

Francis Chan: Stop Treating Homosexuality Like the Worst Sin

Francis Chan
Screengrab Youtube @Official Joined to Christ ministries motivation

Francis Chan is the well-known author of the best-seller, Crazy Love. A few years ago, me moved his family to San Francisco, California to start a new ministry.

He was recently asked how he minsters to people living in the homosexual lifestyle.

In his response, he admitted his perspective has been growing, “My compassion, my life, my thought-pattern, my love has changed and grown since I’ve moved to San Francisco.”

Chan expressed concern that we often treat homosexuality as worse than every other sin.

How does Francis Chan minister to those struggling with homosexuality?

He pointed to this driving question:

“Are you willing to surrender to God no matter what he says?”

Watch Francis Chan’s entire response below:

For more from Francis Chan, don’t miss this episode of the ChurchLeaders Podcast featuring Francis Chan and Chip Ingram.

6 Surprising Things Your Kids Will Never Tell You

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Have you ever wondered, ‘What is my kid thinking?” No matter how good a family life you may think you have, there are almost always some things that your kids are thinking that they may never tell you.

Here are 6 of those things that are true, but that you might be surprised to hear if your kids actually told you.

Listen to their voice in this open letter to you.

Mom & Dad,

I may never tell you these things out loud, but I think about them and they come from my heart. Quite honestly, I’d be a bit embarrassed to admit these things verbally, but I still believe them.

1. “I don’t always like your rules, but I’m thankful for them.”

I usually try to make you think I despise all your rules, but I actually want them. Rules create boundaries for me and boundaries give me protection and security. I need and want both.

2. “You really get on my nerves sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Sometimes you just seem so “old school” in the way you think and act. It irritates me because you’re not always as up to speed on the latest fashions and technology. But, if I’m honest, I kind of like you that way.

3. “I hate it when you both fight, but I love it when you make up.”

It really bothers me when you two raise your voices at each other or are obviously at odds because of the silent treatment. It makes me feel insecure and I begin to question what I might have done wrong to cause you to be that way. However, it does me good to see you make up. Even though I tell you it’s gross, it really does make me feel secure and loved to see you loving each other.

4. “Sometimes when I ask for something, I wish you’d tell me no.”

I don’t just want you to be my friend, I need you to be my authority. I know it sounds weird, but instead of always telling me yes to what I want in order to please me, it would actually make me feel better if you would at least sometimes tell me no. It reminds me that you’re the one in charge and not the other way around and that despite what I want, you want something even better for me.

5. “I may act like I’m too old for it, but I still like being hugged by you.”

I may put on the front that I don’t want that hug in public or that kiss before I go to bed at night, but I’m going to wonder why you didn’t when I grow up and have kids of my own. As long as I’m still living in your house, I still like your physical affection.

6. “I may be embarrassed, but it still means the world to me when you say I love you.”

I may specifically tell you not to embarrass me in front of my friends and to absolutely never say “I love you” when others are around, but please do it anyway from time to time. I might never say it out loud, but I actually like being publicly reminded of your love.

Mom and Dad, I may never tell you these things, but they’re true, even if you never hear me say them.

I love you.

Signed,
Your Child

This article originally appeared here.

855,266FansLike

New Articles

VBS recruitment

VBS Recruitment Sources for Successful Summertime Outreach

VBS recruitment is top of mind for kidmin leaders every summer. Use these tips to find top-notch vacation Bible school helpers.

New Podcasts

Joby Martin

Joby Martin: What Happens When Pastors Finally Understand Grace

Joby Martin joins “The Stetzer ChurchLeaders Podcast” to discuss what happens when a church leader has truly been run over by the “grace train" and understands the profound love and grace of God.