A Simple Shift to Increase Engagement in Worship

January 4, 2018

As worship leaders, we love compliments. We love to be validated for what we do.

While we don’t lead for the validation, it’s always nice when others confirm God’s call and say we’re going in the right direction. A few weeks ago was one of those moments.

Following the service, an older man approached me. No offense to older people, but it does make me nervous at times what they’re going to say. I’ve heard quite a few “it’s too loud,” “I don’t like the songs,” “I can’t even be in the room during worship” comments.

But even that negative feedback over the years has helped me. It’s helped me be a better leader. It’s helped me bend not just toward the next generation but the older generation as well. It’s helped me realize that worship isn’t just about being cool, it’s about being compassionate to all generations and helping give voice to the people, not just myself.

So…back to the approaching older man.

I braced myself for the worst. I smiled on the outside but inwardly I was prepared for the worst. I could feel the sweat building.

But with tears in his eyes this man approached me and said, “Thank you. I really felt a part of that.”

OK, I know that was simple. But in that moment it was the kindest compliment he could have given me as a worship leader. He felt a part of it.

Do you know why your congregation might not be responding the way you want them to? Because they don’t feel a part of the worship experience.

Do you know why you haven’t seen the breakthrough in worship you’ve been praying for? Because your people don’t feel a part of the gathering.

What You Don’t Need

Oftentimes we get so immersed with being progressive that we leave people in the wake of our creativity. We haven’t brought them with us. And that is a problem.

You know what you don’t need?

You don’t need more passion.
You don’t even need better songs.
You don’t need a better band.
You don’t need a bigger budget.
You don’t need pad loops, click tracks, skinny jeans and a single origin chemex pour over in the green room.

You need to help people feel a part of it. Stand with them. Cry with them. Listen to their stories. Smile at them. Help them find the song they need for their season of life.

Because that’s what we’re supposed to be doing anyway, right? Worship ministry isn’t just about us finding our voice as worship leaders but helping others find theirs.

If you don’t change anything else in 2018, change this. Help your church feel a part of those corporate moments.

Prioritize their voice. Encourage them to sing. Be inviting.

In so many churches all I see is a band playing music in front of a room that hasn’t been invited in. Their voices haven’t been prioritized. They haven’t been told what to do.

So what would it take to increase engagement?

What are you willing to change?

This article originally appeared here.

The Question of Questions for Christians With Political Convictions

Joe McKeever

January 4, 2018

Now that the critical elections of 2017 are behind us—and quickly, before some new ones pop up!—perhaps we can discuss this dispassionately.

You are a serious follower of Jesus Christ. You take Scriptures seriously and believe God’s people have an obligation to be salt and light in this world. As a result, you exercise your right to vote and you try to influence others to do the right thing.

So far, so good.

Can we talk?

I have a question for those who take their discipleship to Jesus Christ seriously and as a result have strong political views:

“If it could be shown that you are wrong in your conviction (position on this issue, support of that candidate), could you change?” Would you be willing to drop your opposition to that cause or stop advocating that issue if you learned you were in error?

If it could be shown to you that your position on abortion or Obamacare or gun control (or any of the other hot issues for conservative Christians) was in error, would you be willing to switch to the other side?

I’m not being the devil’s advocate here. He has plenty of those without you or me lending him a hand. I’d rather be a voice for righteousness if possible.

Some people are so wed to their position that nothing, absolutely no facts or reasoning or insights, can budge them. And when that’s the case, they quickly become belligerent and carnal and a detriment to all that is good and right.

Some of the most devout Conservative believers quickly become angry zealots when they espouse their cause. And that’s what concerns me at the moment. They begin trying to do the work of the Lord in the flesh. Which dooms it from the start.

So, the question stands:

If it could be demonstrated to you that the truth is with the other fellow, that you are wrong, not doing the Lord’s will, would you be willing to change?

There can be only one answer for the serious follower of Jesus Christ. Just one.

The only way for a true child of God to answer that is in the positive.

I would be willing to change my convictions if it were shown to me that I was in the wrong.

I want to please my Lord, not further my agenda.

After all…

–The Truth and only the Truth shall set you free (John 8). That line in verse 32 refers to the Lord Jesus, of course, but it’s also an eternal verity. Lies and half-truths lead to bondage; the Truth sets us free.

–Think of Peter’s comeuppance on the rooftop (Acts 10) where he learned he had been seriously in error concerning the Gentiles. “What God has cleansed, no longer consider unholy” (10:15). Later, Peter said, “I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right, is welcome to Him” (10:34). He was willing to change when shown by the Holy Spirit his error.

But the reality for so many modern believers seems to be another thing entirely.

I’m in the midst of reading “Crowded Hours,” the 1932 autobiography of Alice Roosevelt Longworth, the first-born of President Theodore Roosevelt. As a history student I love reading about well-known characters in the past as they looked at events with which I have a certain degree of familiarity. Take the 1912 presidential election, for instance.

Why I’m Insane

Mike Leake

January 4, 2018

In his book Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs talks about how many couples are stuck in the Crazy Cycle:

It’s like someone coming into a room, flipping the light switch, and discovering the lights won’t come on. If someone tries the switch two or three times with no results, you can understand. He will eventually figure it out—a tripped circuit breaker, a burned-out bulb. But if he stands there and flips the switch constantly for half an hour, you begin to wonder, ‘Is this guy a little crazy?”

I think Eggerichs is putting a bit of flesh on the old saying that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” There is quite a bit of truth to this old adage. It is pretty dumb to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting something different to happen…unless…

Unless you are commanded by God to keep flipping the light switch.

I’ve seen several church growth gurus pick up on this phrase. There is truth to it which I appreciate. I don’t intend to swing the pendulum too far the other way. There might be lots of silly things we are doing that worked 50 years ago but that light switch has burned out. It’s silly to keep a program going just because it worked a decade ago.

But there are some things that are simply non-negotiable within the life of a church. There are points within Scripture that will always be unpopular. The gospel has always been offensive. It’s never worked in a purely pragmatic sense. It was foolish to the audience of Paul and it’s foolishness in our culture.

I hear folks saying things like, “Preaching on God’s wrath just doesn’t square with today’s millennials.” The light bulb isn’t turning on. Sure, you might need to make sure you are faithfully communicating what God’s Word says, but it’s true whether the bulb happens to come on or not. Keep at the switch, brother. We aren’t dealing in pragmatics.

We preachers are called to be insane. Doing the same thing over and over again and at times expecting different results. And I suppose we do this because there are times when out of nowhere the light bulb comes on. Same action with totally different results. And that is because God always uses His Word but sometimes differently. So this is one switch that I’m going to keep on flipping…

—

I wrote this after being encouraged by this post by Jared Wilson.

This article originally appeared here.

10 Projections for the Church in 2018

Chuck Lawless

January 4, 2018

With one week left in this year, here are some trends to consider for 2018:

Even more seminary training will be local-church based. Because accreditors and seminaries have made this approach credible, more churches have been moving in this direction. This trend is likely here to stay.
More young pastors will tackle church revitalizations. Church planting will still be popular, but the interest in church revitalizations will grow. Many of these ministries will be in the South.
Denominations will still matter, but networks and affinity groups will be primary sources of encouragement and strengthening for pastors. Some of these groups will likely even be internet-based, but they’ll meet specific needs for church leaders.
Discipleship strategies will increase, but with little corresponding growth in evangelism. The interest in discipleship is a needed reaction against poor discipleship in the past, but it will still not address our poor evangelism.
Fewer seminarians will have a priority interest in the pastorate. This trend reflects a general fear of leading a church without significant experience, in addition to a genuine desire to work alongside a team.
Bad preaching will lead to church departures. My seminary professor told us, “A church will put up with bad preaching as long as you love them.” I’m not sure that’s the case anymore (if it ever were). It’s easy to find really good preaching elsewhere, including on the Internet.
Life-on-life, genuine community will ground people in a church. In my 40+ years as a Christian, I’ve never seen the interest in local church community, especially among young leaders. We’re even beginning to see seminary graduates who stay in the seminary city rather than start ministry because they love the church of which they’ve been a part.
More churches will share their building with ethnic congregations. Some of this trend will come from a Millennial desire to have diverse congregations, and some of it will come from recognizing the difficulty of thoroughly blending diverse cultural and language groups.
Evangelical churches will give the Lord’s Supper more regular prominence. That trend has been happening among younger congregations, but it’s now spreading to more established churches as well.
Prayer ministries will slowly grow. I’m beginning to see growing interest in prayer that undergirds our work, particularly as culture increasingly fights the church. The growth of prayer, though, will be slow.

What are your thoughts?

This article originally appeared here.

Jim Caviezel to Students: ‘Be saints. You weren’t made to fit in.’

Megan Briggs

January 4, 2018

Jim Caviezel Students — Screengrab Facebook @Brian Buettner

“The name Saul means ‘great one.’ The name Paul means ‘little one,'” actor Jim Caviezel said slowly as he began addressing a gathering of students in Chicago.

Jim Caviezel, an outspoken Christian and actor who played Jesus in Mel Gibson‘s The Passion of the Christ, admonished students not to live out a shallow version of Christianity that employs “happy talk.” Rather, Caviezel pointed to the example of suffering we are given in the life of Christ.

Jim Caviezel: Embrace Your Cross

It is the suffering of Christ that Jim Caviezel knows on a very practical level. While playing the Christ in The Passion, Caviezel suffered injuries on the set. Some of which were excruciatingly painful and potentially have long-term effects. Caviezel recalls sustaining a shoulder injury while carrying the cross. Finding out that Jesus must also have suffered a shoulder injury, the actor said, “I now know what that felt like.” Caviezel says carrying the crushing weight of the cross during filming was “like a penance” for him.

“The suffering made my performance, just as it makes our lives,” Caviezel concludes.

“Embrace your cross and race toward your goal. I want you to go out to this pagan world…and shamelessly express your faith in public. The world needs proud warriors animated by their faith. Warriors like Saint Paul and Saint Luke who risked their lives and reputations…”

Be Strong. Be Courageous. Be Saints.

Caviezel also addressed the decline he feels our culture is facing. “We are…a people in danger of succumbing to our excesses,” he warns the crowd.

The actor admonished the students to combat the decline by praying, fasting, meditating on the Holy Scriptures and taking the Holy Sacrament seriously. The only thing Caviezel believes that will save us from becoming like the rest of culture is practicing “our faith and the wisdom of Christ.”

“Set yourself apart from this corrupt generation. Be saints,” he tells the students, again emphasizing the need to go against the excesses of culture.

“Freedom exists not to do what you like, but to do what you ought,” Caviezel says, which is a conviction he has expressed before.

Caveziel wraps up his stirring speech with the iconic quote from the movie Braveheart about freedom (“they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”), but then puts its sentiment in context for the Christian audience: “With the Holy Spirit as your shield and Christ as your sword, may you join Saint Michael and all the angels in sending Lucifer and his henchmen straight right back to hell where they belong!” The crowd gave a hearty cheer at this point.

Circling back to his first point, about the difference between Saul and Paul, Jim Caviezel implies the best way to fight and be a warrior for Christ is to humble yourself and go about the calling God has given you.

The entirety of his message was captured (providentially) by Father Brian Buettner, Vocations Director at Archdiocese of Oklahoma City and an attendee of the conference. You can watch it below:

https://www.facebook.com/brian.buettner/videos/vb.9632667/10106042622862237

These Christian Movies Did the Best at the Box Office in 2017

Bob Ditmer

January 4, 2018

Christian Movies — Screengrab YouTube @Family Movie Faves

After the Passion of the Christ took in an earth-shattering $612 million back in 2004, Hollywood executives were shocked and suddenly open to faith-based films.

Since then, more were put into production and for the last three years, there have been at least 12 faith-based films released annually.

Here are the top grossing films released in 2017.

The Shack $57 million

A grieving man receives a mysterious, personal invitation to meet with God at a place called “The Shack.”

The book that inspired the movie sparked controversy among the Christian community for its unconventional theology and was even called “heretical” by R. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

The many who liked the movie felt it made God real and helped those experiencing grief over loss of a loved one, a dream, a job or a relationship.

The Star $40 million

A small but brave donkey and his animal friends become the unsung heroes of the first Christmas.

Viewers loved the idea of the Christmas Story seen through the eyes of animals and enjoyed the animated film’s inspirational story and humorous dialogue.

The Case for Christ $14 million

An investigative journalist and self-proclaimed atheist sets out to disprove the existence of God after his wife becomes a Christian.

The movie struck a chord with many viewers but especially those who had gone through faith journeys of their own. One viewer commented on IMDB, “I used to be an atheist too, so the spiritual struggle he went through is way too familiar to me. Personally it touched me very deeply.”

Let There Be Light $7.2 million

An atheist goes through a near-death experience in a car accident before converting to Christianity.

Viewers found the movie refreshing in its portrayal of the real life struggles that many face today. It also showed the reality that fame and fortune rarely bring fulfillment and happiness.

Same Kind of Different as Me $6.3 million

An international art dealer must befriend a dangerous homeless man in order to save his struggling marriage to a woman whose dreams will lead all three of them on the journey of their lives.

Darren Moorman, one of the movie’s producers, told churchleaders.com, “The movie naturally opens up conversations, because it doesn’t sugar-coat that there are racial issues or marital issues. But the movie then shows the audience how when people aren’t afraid to talk about it and come to a place of forgiveness that lives can be changed.”

All Saints $5.8 million

When a group of Burmese refugees join the congregation, the pastor of a failing Anglican church attempts to aid them by planting crops and enlisting the help of the community.

The film is a story about the power of community and the miracle of people learning to work, respect and love each other.

A Question of Faith $2.5 million

When tragedy strikes three families, their destiny forces them on a converging path to discover God’s love, grace and mercy as the challenges of their fate could also resurrect their beliefs.

Many who loved this movie were moved by its portrayal of the power and beauty of forgiveness.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone $2.3 million

A washed-up former child star, forced to do community service at a local megachurch, pretends to be a Christian to land the part of Jesus in their annual Passion Play, only to discover that the most important role of his life is far from Hollywood.

The movie’s director, Dallas Jenkins told ChristianLeaders.com, “In the script-writing stage, it was very important to me that I tell the story of Gavin getting away with pretending to be a Christian. Any good pastor is going to know when someone is faking it. Finding a way to make sure that the other characters weren’t stupid was important. So we set it up to allow the cast to accept him, even though they knew he was a little off, because they wanted him to be a part of the church. They knew it could impact him.”

Slamma Jamma $1.6 million

Wrongfully accused and sent to prison, a former basketball star prepares for the national slam dunk competition while finding redemption in himself and in those he loves.

Slamma Jamma is a movie that defines the idea of the underdog rising to meet the challenge of greatness.

Genesis: Paradise Lost $1.4 million (Documentary)

This film documents the biblical account of what happened “in the beginning.”

The documentary uses stunning visual effects and the latest in scientific research to tell the story that many said made the book of Genesis come to life right before their eyes. It takes viewers on a journey and answers some of the most perplexing and important questions of human existence.

Mennonite Church Schism: What You Need to Know

Bob Ditmer

January 4, 2018

The largest conference of churches within the Mennonite Church USA (MC USA) is leaving the fold over changing views on homosexuality.

The Lancaster Mennonite Conference (LMC) is returning to independence after 40 years of denominational membership based on fears that the MC USA is loosening its views on same sex marriage.

In 2016, there were about 78,000 members of the MC USA.

SEEDS OF DIVISION

The MC USA officially views homosexual activity as a sin and defines marriage as between one man and one woman, but several pastors in the denomination have performed same-sex marriages and been censured or resigned and smaller regional conferences that affirm LGBT relationships have departed.

The denomination has voted down attempts to affirm same-sex marriage, but in 2015, adopted a resolution to extend “grace, love and forbearance toward conferences, congregations and pastors in our body who, in different ways, seek to be faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ on matters related to same-sex covenanted unions.”

That same year, two schools affiliated with MC USA, Eastern Mennonite University and Goshen College, adopted policies to protect faculty in same-sex relationships. Months later, they voluntarily withdrew from the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities as a result.

It was in November of 2015 that congregations within the Lancaster Conference formally voted to withdraw from the umbrella organization. The decision was finalized on January 1, 2018.

In a Mennonite World Review editorial written last November, Paul Schrag summed up the schism this way, “MC USA proved to be a place where congregations and conferences did what their own majorities believed was right and not what anyone else wished they would do. Lancaster desired more unity of belief and practice.”

MOVING FORWARD

Lancaster Mennonite Conference moderator Keith Weaver told LancasterOnline,

“Rather than an inward focus of self-preservation, congregations are cultivating an outward focus in which attending to the material and spiritual needs of the neighborhood becomes the mission.”

He said the conference will focus on three things:

— The theological center “that keeps the lordship of Jesus Christ in focus,” which is summarized in the Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective, published in 1995.

— Adherence to the church’s core values to aspire to “radical allegiance to God’s Kingdom and authentic obedience to Jesus Christ.”

— The missional vision “in which Jesus…will reign over the Earth through a new order in which swords will be beat into plowshares, lions and lambs will lie together in peace and the Shalom of God will finally be realized.”

DEPARTURES IN BOTH DIRECTIONS

There are 179 congregations in the Lancaster Mennonite Conference and the departure will reduce the size of the MC USA by about 14 percent. But the decision is also causing changes within the LMC. Since 2015, when the conference announced its intention to leave MC USA, 13 new congregations have joined Lancaster Mennonite Conference but eight others are leaving to join the Atlantic Coast Conference of the Mennonite Church USA.

Merv Stoltzfus, executive conference minister for the Atlantic Coast Conference, told LancasterOnline that there is a strong belief among the 36 congregations in his conference that “we need to engage and invite this marginalized group of people (LGBT) into an opportunity to worship with us and others are not comfortable with that.”

He added that the churches that joined his conference “were immensely loyal to Lancaster Conference and for many of them it was difficult processing, but they wanted to stay with Mennonite Church USA.”

Both Weaver and Stoltzfus said the split has been amicable and Stoltzfus said he anticipates congregations from both local conferences will continue to work on projects in which they have a shared interest.

Francis Chan: This Is the Kind of Church God Wants

Bob Ditmer

January 4, 2018

Francis Chan says the model for building a church in America is 1) find a pastor who’s a good speaker 2) bring in a band 3) find a building.

The only problem is, that’s not God’s plan.

God’s plan is to love one another and to be united. After all, Francis Chan says, that was Jesus’ prayer in John 17:20-23.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

Biblically Building a Church

Francis Chan admits God’s plan was not on his radar when he started a church in his home that grew to 4000 people. He said he’s accountable to God for letting people keep coming every week with hopes of being fed, but never maturing to the point of feeding others.

He left that church and is now meeting in a home with around 100 people. The plan is for that church to split in six months to a year creating a new church. The founding and splitting continues every year building an association of small house churches that have no staff, building or overhead but where communion, the Bible and prayer are central.

Chan says God’s way forces his people to become leaders. It prevents Christians from attending church only to be fed while taking no responsibility for presenting the gospel or shepherding others.

While some might argue that’s not their gift, Chan says those goals are part of the DNA of every believer.

Others will say they haven’t been trained to lead or shepherd. Chan’s answer; neither are parents when they bring home their first baby. But he says, “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

Doing church God’s way is not an option according to Chan. He says we can’t keep having gatherings where people don’t love each other deeply. And he says there are plenty of examples from the Bible where God rejected that kind of religion.

More About Francis Chan:

Francis Chan (August 31, 1967) is an American preacher. He is the former teaching pastor of Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, California, a church he and his wife started in 1994. He is also the Founder and Chancellor of Eternity Bible College and author of several books.

Chan also sits on the board of directors of Children’s Hunger Fund, World Impact and Gospel for Asia.

20 Years of TedTalks: Here Are the Top 7 Given by Christians

Bob Ditmer

January 4, 2018

Who doesn’t love a good TedTalk? It’s basically a sermon to a secular audience. Since TedTalk’s founding, several Christians have had the opportunity to share their views on faith and the culture at large with technology leaders. We’ve ranked the top seven (in no particular order) below.

Top 7 TedTalks Given By Christians

1. Billy Graham

Billy Graham was almost 80 when he gave this TEDTalk in 1998. He told the leaders of Silicon Valley that for all of their accomplishments, they had not found answers to three problems that have plagued mankind since time began: human evil, human suffering and death. He told the conference the answer is in the saving faith of Jesus Christ.

2. Rick Warren

The pastor and author of “A Purpose Driven Life” talks about the crisis the book brought about in his own life. He said the book brought in “a ton of money” and unbelievable influence causing him to ask “what’s the purpose of this?” He said the experience and the Bible taught him that when we give our lives away we find significance.

3. Brene Brown

Brene Brown is described as a shame-researcher. She studied the influence of shame on the ability to feel connection. She found that those with a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of belonging while accepting their vulnerabilities. She also found that those who exhibit connection have the courage to be imperfect and the compassion to be kind to themselves and others. The popular video has more than 7 million views.

4. Nick Vujicic

Nick Vujicic was born without arms and legs. In this TEDTalk he says being thankful for what you have instead of complaining about what you don’t is the choice that combats hopelessness. At age 10 he considered committing suicide but faith and a knowledge that he was loved by his parents gave him hope for the future. He says those two factors can help young people today who are struggling with their identity.

5. Joshua Harris

The author of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” talks about why he wrote the book and why he now thinks he was wrong. He tells the TED conference how hard it is to admit that he was wrong but says the process of admitting his mistakes has helped him grow. He also talks about the book he is now writing to correct his misconceptions about dating.

6. Brant Hansen

From twitter storms about politics to road rage the radio host and author talks about our rampage obsessed culture. He says we should not be shocked by the actions of others, we need to give up the belief that we are always right and we must realize that our anger does not fight injustice. He says the key to ending our rush to anger is by embracing a lifestyle of forgiveness.

7. Lecrae

The hip-hop artist talks about villains and heroes and suggests the people and actions we place in each category is subjective. Lecrae also gives listeners a history lesson in the cultural influences that have shaped hip hop’s lyrics over the years. Whether you listen to hip-hop or not, his presentation will help you understand how it influences the culture (and vice-versa).

Laws of the Harvest: God Can’t Multiply What You Haven’t Sown

J.D. Greear

January 3, 2018

Based on Paul’s teaching in Galatians 6 and 2 Corinthians, let me share with you the five laws of the harvest.

In Galatians 6:7, the Apostle Paul highlights what I’ve heard called an “absolute principle” in Scripture: “For whatever a person sows he will also reap” (CSB, cf. Proverbs 11:18, 22:8-9). Throughout the rest of Galatians 6, Paul helps us apply this principle to our money and possessions. Paul has done this elsewhere, as in 2 Corinthians 9:6: “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously” (NIV).

Law 1: The harvest is limited to the planting.

You can only harvest what you plant. In other words, if you haven’t sown it, God can’t multiply it. One of the clearest pictures of multiplication occurs in John 6, where Jesus is standing before 5,000 hungry people (more like 15,000 if you include the women and children). He takes a little boy’s lunch, five loaves and two fish—a Hebrew Happy Meal. You know the story: After Jesus takes the loaves and fish and blesses the food, he distributes it to his disciples until everyone is fed and there are 12 basketfuls leftover.

This miracle demonstrates the pattern of multiplication. It’s only as you put what you have in the hands of Jesus that it’s multiplied. We tend to reverse that. Well, if God multiplies what I have, then I’ll give it away. But God says, “Give it away, and it will multiply!”

Law 2: The harvest comes later than the planting.

The hard part about harvesting is that it takes time to see your efforts pay off. That’s why many people never see the harvest. They start off well, but they give up too soon.

We live in a generation of instant gratification. I know I’m like that. When I diet, I want to see the results right away. I want to eat salad one time and see the difference the next morning. But life doesn’t work like that. Real change takes time to grow.

This is even truer in agriculture. One of our campus pastors told me about a practical joke he played on his neighbors when he was a kid. He grew up on a farm, so he always had access to a bunch of seeds. So after his neighbors would aerate their lawns, he and his buddies would sneak out at night and throw random seeds into their yards. He said the hard part about the joke was that it took so long to see the results. But sure enough, within six months or so, there were watermelons and sunflowers growing in their yards! (Summit, these are the people to whom you have entrusted your souls.)

Results take time. What you sow today, you won’t see the return of until the next season in life. Sowing is all about the future. And while it’s worth the wait, we often don’t act like it.

Law 3: The harvest is greater than the planting.

In the harvest, what comes back to you is always greater than what you sowed. If you plant a wheat seed, it will turn into a wheat stalk that can produce hundreds of wheat seeds. The law of greater says that what starts small multiplies into something much bigger than what you began with. What you reap will always come back greater than what you sow. Jesus talked about a harvest of 30, 60 and 100 fold (Mark 4:20).

When Scripture applies this to money, it teaches us that the harvest is greater than the planting in both the magnitude of what you reap and the kind of fruit you reap. Paul says in Galatians 6:8 that we reap eternal life from the Spirit by our sowing; in 2 Corinthians he calls this the “harvest of righteousness.” God often uses generosity to give us gifts far greater than money.

Think of it this way: Which would you rather have—a lot of money or the ability to be truly happy and satisfied with what you have? Only a fool would say, “Give me the money.” Why? Because the reason you want more money is to be happier and more satisfied. What if there was a better way to get to that end? In Matthew 6:21, Jesus challenges his disciples to be generous with their money because “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” It’s the same principle. Invest your treasure in heaven, and watch your heart follow it. Having your heart set on heaven is a far greater gift than having more cash.

Law 4: The harvest is proportional to the planting.

Plant one seed, and you’ll get one plant (hopefully). Plant a dozen, and you’ll get a dozen. Invest minimally in God’s kingdom, and you’ll reap minimally; invest greatly, and watch as God brings in a harvest you can’t contain.

Here’s a startling biblical truth: Your generosity toward God and others determines his generosity toward you. Here’s how Solomon put it: “Whoever is kind to the poor is lending to the Lord—the benefit of his gift will return to him in abundance” (Proverbs 19:17 ISV). Solomon was himself a man of generosity. For example, it was a tradition for the king to sacrifice one bull during his inauguration. But 1 Kings 8 tells us that Solomon sacrificed a thousand bulls. How’s that for giving “above and beyond”? Is it any coincidence that that the only time God said to someone, “Ask me for whatever you want, and I’ll give it to you,” he said it to an extravagant giver? To the excessively generous, God is excessively generous. You can’t out-give God!

Law 5: We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s.

You reap today what you sowed yesterday. I know a lot of you hate that. You’re living for God now, but the consequences of past mistakes keep rearing their ugly heads. You can’t do much to change the harvest that you’re reaping today—even if you pray about or if you ask for forgiveness. Yes, God forgives us as soon as we come to him. But those old seeds seem so persistent.

God won’t always eliminate the tough harvest you’re living through immediately. But he can change your life by empowering you to sow seeds of the Spirit in your life today. The financial difficulties you’re experiencing, the materialism in your kids, the dissatisfaction in your own heart…these may be a harvest of an ungenerous past.

We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s. The old proverb states: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is today. It’s time to start sowing different seeds so you can reap a different harvest. What do you want to reap next year? It is only possible if you start sowing for it today.

This article originally appeared here.

Family Worship When No One Goes to Church

Christina Embree

January 3, 2018

When we cease to worship God, we do not worship nothing. We worship anything. – G.K. Chesterton

A few years ago I shared the article “Leaving Sunday Behind,” which looked at lagging church attendance and the role of the home and the church in reaching families, and it struck a chord with many of my readers. It does beg the question, if families are not regularly attending corporate worship together anymore, where are they?

As Chesterton says, when we cease to worship God, we don’t cease to worship; rather we replace the object of our worship with something else.

So, we must ask, what is being worshiped today?

A survey done by Faith Communities Today found these top three reasons cited by families regarding the demands on their time that conflicted with regular church attendance.

School or Sports related activities
Work Schedule conflicts
Driving distance/Time and cost

So it’s not that the families were just sitting at home not doing anything, but they had made the decision to choose other demands on their time over attending church on Sunday morning and Wednesday night.

As parents, this should give us pause and help us consider; what are we teaching our children to worship? If these activities that pull families away from church truly are important to individual families, then as Christians it should also be our goal to find alternative time to commit to corporate worship and fellowship with other believers.

As ministers, we need to recognize that in a battle against a changing culture, we are going to lose if we don’t recognize that culture is changing.

The constraints of traditional service times will increasingly become inadequate for reaching families in our church and new families we desire to share God’s love with.

We can spend time lamenting this change and dissecting why it happened and if it’s good or bad or neutral, or we can just acknowledge that it is, and we can begin to look for ways to address it head on.

If we use the following findings from Barna Research Group as a frame for how families in our culture operate, perhaps we can consider some innovative ways to connect the church with the home.

Parents are just as dependent on technology as are teens and tweens.
Most family members, even parents, feel that technology has been a positive influence on their families.
Very few adults or youth take substantial breaks from technology.
Families experience conflict about technology, but not in predictable ways.
Few families have experienced—or expect—churches to address technology.

And what about the study that found when 1,500 kids were asked what makes a happy family they responded, “Doing things together”? Contrast this with what we traditionally do in our church settings with separate children, youth, adult and senior adult ministries.

Finally consider another study from Barna that asked self-identified Christians why they chose not to attend church where 40 percent responded “I find God elsewhere” and 35 percent said “Church is not relevant to me personally.” Additionally, in the past “regular attendance” was defined as those who attended church three or more weekends a month, but now families that show up once every four to six weeks consider themselves regular attenders.

A lot of people have come up with a lot of ways to address these changing trends. May I offer just this suggestion?

Let us shift of vision from one of attraction to one of “going and making disciples.”

Let’s refocus faith formation at home and building relationships between generations.

Let’s concentrate on lifting Jesus up so all may be drawn to Him, not necessarily our brand, our building or our band.

Let’s meet families where they are and bring the church to the world instead of trying to get the world to accommodate the church.

And may we all live lives of worship, inside and outside of the building we call church.

This article originally appeared here.

Running an Annual Planning Retreat for Your Church

Church Fuel

January 3, 2018

Most churches have meetings and retreats.

And if the people attending those meetings and retreats were honest, they would say they were not as effective as they should be. In fact, you might even hear the phrase “waste of time” tossed around.

At Church Fuel, we teach a proven meeting rhythm that can help your church identify what is most important, then align your meetings toward seeing those results. Here’s the overview:

The Annual Planning meeting is a retreat built around building an annual plan for the coming year.
The Quarterly Priority meeting involves the same people and it’s where you take the annual plan and come up with 90-day chunks of work to make it happen.
The Monthly Focus meeting takes less time but it’s where communication, issues and leadership development happens.
The Weekly Meeting is a chance to share success stories, review the numbers and deal with issues.

You don’t really need to understand the intricacies of the entire system to benefit from the annual planning retreat. In fact, no matter how well your church is organized, getting the right people together for a few days to focus on a growth plan for the next year would be a good thing.

In this article, I want to offer some practical suggestions for how to run a good annual plan retreat.

Here are six suggestions.

#1 – Decide what you’re going to accomplish.

Before you reserve a meeting room or ask people about their availability, determine the purpose for your retreat and decide what you want to accomplish.

Many churches try to do too much with a short amount of time, mixing in spiritual development with team building exercises with planning sessions and often resulting in little to show for it other than a good time.

Before you meet, clarify your goals.

Are you getting together for spiritual development or planning?
Are you meeting in order to solve a problem?
Is your goal planning?

Personally, I recommend your annual retreat centering around creating or updating the one-page ministry plan. This one-page template has eight sections, giving you a broad enough agenda to allow room for discussion but clear enough guidelines.

Imagine going home from your annual retreat with all eight boxes filled in and ready to go.

#2 – Invite and involve the right people.

The effectiveness of any meeting largely depends on the people in the room, so making sure you have the right people at the retreat is probably your most important decision.

You need people who think church first, ministry second. That’s why involving the entire staff or everyone with a specific title is often a mistake. The youth pastor shouldn’t drive everything back to youth ministry, but should think about the mission, strategy and goals for the whole church. If you have ministry leaders in the room, make sure they know when to take their ministry leader hat off and put their church leader hat on.

You also need people to understand the value of big-picture planning. If there are people in the meeting who continually draw the conversation back to short-term issues, you’ll struggle to get traction. Make sure everyone knows your goal is to look at the big picture, not solve next week’s problems. An Elder who loves Jesus and teaching the Bible might not be as passionate about crafting an annual plan.

Make sure everyone in the room will add value and prepare people accordingly.

#3 – Do your homework.

Before you get together for your annual retreat, it’s helpful to get some information together in advance. Here are three things you may want to do ahead of time:

Take a look at where you are now. Use the Church Health Worksheet to capture as much real data as you can on attendance, giving, influence, etc. Here is a link to the Church Health Worksheet.
If there are big events in your church or community, go ahead and gather all of that information. You’ll want to know school schedules and the dates for major holidays and events.
Many churches find that a congregational or attender survey is helpful to take into the planning process. You could ask people why they love the church, attend the church or give to the church. You can ask about favorite events or preferences. You can ask for message topic ideas.

5 Criteria for Making New Year’s Resolutions You Will Actually Keep

Ron Edmondson

January 3, 2018

I love a fresh start.

Perhaps it’s because grace is the doctrine I’ve needed so much, but there’s something about a clean slate that motivates me toward achievement.

I’m like this with my desk at the office. I create stacks. Magazines to be read. Notes to be written. Lists to be completed. Bulletins from other churches. (I am always looking for better ideas.) Stacks, stacks and more stacks. When the stacks are at capacity—I call it organized chaos.

But, then one day I’ve had enough of the stacks and I go on a cleaning spree. I sort. I file. I trash until the top of my desk shows far more wood than paper. Ahhh… Finally, I’m inspired to work again.

I love a fresh start.

I think this may be why I’m one of the people who appreciates New Year’s resolutions. It’s like a line on the calendar that screams to me: FRESH START!

But, as much as I appreciate the value in them—beginning new things, stretching myself, making my life better—I’m like everyone else. I find it easier to make resolutions than to keep them.

How do we make resolutions we will actually keep?

Because resolutions—even the strongest ones—aren’t going to improve anything if you don’t follow through with them. And, they probably just make you more frustrated than before you made them. Who needs more frustration?

So, what can you do? Let me try to help.

First, write them down. This is huge. I’ve heard people say you are twice as likely to keep a written resolution than one you simply state in your mind.

Second, try not to have too many. You will be overwhelmed and give up before you start.
And, then, here are some suggestions for the type of resolutions that seem to work. This helps me.

Five criteria for making resolutions you can actually keep:

Reasonable

Another word might be attainable. The resolution must make sense for you to actually be able to do this year. Saying you want to read 50 books in a year—because you heard someone else does it—and yet you didn’t read any this past year, is probably going to be a stretch. You might be able to do it, but it likely isn’t a reasonable goal. Don’t be afraid of small beginnings (Zechariah 4:10). The key is you’re trying to achieve something that makes your life better. If you’re successful this year you can set a higher goal next year.

Measurable

To be successful in keeping a resolution you need some way to monitor success toward it—certainly a way to know when you’ve achieved it. If your resolution is simply to lose weight you won’t be as motivated as if you say you want to lose a pound a week. You can track that goal and see your progress. Obviously it will still require discipline, but there is something about a measurable goal which—for most of us—drives us to meet it.

Sustainable

This one doesn’t apply for every resolution, but does in many. Ultimately I have found I’m more motivated to reach goals that change my life for the better over a longer period of time. It’s great to meet those milestones, once in a lifetime type of achievements—such as running a marathon, or writing a book. And, we should have those type of goals in our life—and maybe a milestone resolution is reasonable for you this year. The problem I have seen is if we get off track on reaching them it’s easy to simply give up—maybe even write it off as an unreasonable goal. We feel defeated and so we quit making any resolutions. In making New Year’s resolutions, I find I’m more successful if it’s something that I can possibly adopt as a new lifestyle. Some examples would be changing my eating habits, beginning to exercise more often, Bible-reading, journaling, etc.—again reasonable and measurable—but something I will sustain beyond the New Year.

Accountable

This is key. Weight Watchers is a great example here of this principle. There is something about their system that works, and part of it is the reporting portion—where you have to be accountable to others for your progress. If you don’t build in a system of accountability—whether it’s with other people or some visible reminder of your resolution and progress—it’s easy to give up when the New Year euphoria begins to fade.

Reward-able

And, this may be the most important and the least practiced. One secret to actually achieving your resolution may be to find the “carrot” that will continually motivate you to stretch for the finish line. If losing weight is a goal, it could be a new suit or dress when you reach a pre-determined number. If it’s running a marathon (and if this is a reasonable resolution for you this year), it could be you run the marathon in some destination city you can’t wait to visit. If it’s reading your Bible through in a year, promise yourself a new Bible at the end of the year. The reward should fit the degree of stretching and effort it took to accomplish the resolution, but this often serves as a good incentive to helping you reach your goals—especially during the times you are tempted to quit trying.

I hope this will help. It does for me. I have some daily disciplines in my life now that started as New Year’s resolutions. It doesn’t work for everyone, but I’ve found resolutions can help me start the year with fresh goals, and the discipline toward achieving them helps me have more discipline in other areas of my life.

Here’s to a great New Year! God bless!

This article originally appeared here.

9 Little Character Tests That Tell You Way Too Much About Yourself

Carey Nieuwhof

January 3, 2018

Do you need a good test of character? Sometimes progress in life can be tough to measure.

You might feel stuck right now. Or just the opposite—you might feel like you’re making incredible progress.

But are you? How would you know?

Of all the areas in which I want to make progress in this life, character (which is inherently tied to spiritual growth) is the greatest.

How do you know how your character is doing…really?

It’s important, because in the scheme of life, character trumps gifting. The headlines are littered with gifted people whose character (or lack of it) caused their downfall. Your competency will take you only as far as your character will sustain you.

Surprisingly, your character isn’t just revealed in your best moments. The truth often breaks out in the little moments.

If you want a good test of character to know how you’re really doing, check yourself in these nine everyday moments we all encounter.

Nine Everyday Challenges That Are a Great Test of Character

Before I jump into the list, just know I have failed every one of these tests at some point in my life.

OK, sometimes I still fail some of them. But you have to have something to work toward, don’t you?

Test of Character 1. What you think when someone takes ‘your’ parking spot

You know that moment when you get to the mall parking lot and see the empty space, only to have someone else dart in? Yes. That moment.

Or the parking space you always park in at work that someone else had the audacity to use yesterday? And no, it didn’t have a reserved sign or anything…but the planet should know that’s your space!!!

What happens inside you in that moment?

That’s your character speaking.

You Failed Me

Kurt Bubna

January 3, 2018

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve heard from two different men, “You failed me.”

Neither one of them used those precise words, but what each did say was clear. They both had unmet expectations of my leadership and me, and they felt like I had let them down.

And in many ways, I had.

I own that reality.

Without a doubt, in over 40 years of leading, I’ve made many mistakes. Fact is, my leadership blunders, oversights and missteps are common and have led to lots of frustrating moments for others (and me).

I’ve said it a thousand times: Unmet expectations are the source of most conflict. When someone—anyone—doesn’t do what you think they should do or does something you didn’t expect, the natural response is disappointment leading to struggle.

I am more aware of this painful truth than you can imagine.

Especially now.

The two guys I mentioned matter to me a great deal. One I have viewed as a brother and the other as a son. And it kills me to know that I have let them down. For days now, I’ve gone through a range of emotions from hurt to frustration to anger to depression. It hasn’t been pretty (ask my dear wife).

It took me awhile, but I finally got on my face and prayed.

“God, what’s wrong with me? Why does it seem like the one thing I’m ‘good’ at is letting others down?”

I even had some empathy for Elijah, who once prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4).

Relax. I’m not suicidal. No need to call 911 for me. But I did pray, “Lord, I’m good with going home anytime now.”

Elijah had just come off an incredible victory. God had used him to defeat 450 false prophets on Mount Carmel. (You can read about it here.) However, when threatened by Jezebel, Elijah became afraid and ran for his life. He went from ecstasy to agony and then ran off alone to be in the wilderness where he prayed, “Just kill me, God. I’d rather die at your hands than at the hands of anyone else” (my paraphrase).

Elijah was overcome by emotions. He lost sight of the bigger picture. Now, alone, discouraged and feeling like a failure, he wanted to take the easy route. He wanted to quit.

Been there.

What I love about our God is that even when He finds us in the wilderness hiding, He meets us there—right there—in the midst of our pain. And then He speaks, “Get up. Stay the course. No easy route to heaven for you! I’m not done with you yet.” (Read about Elijah’s encounter with an angel and then the Lord here.)

So, early this morning, I’m sitting in the dark, staring out the window, praying (more like complaining to God about my recurring idiocy as a leader), and the Holy Spirit whispers to my soul:

When you fail someone, in whatever way you do, that does not mean you are a failure; it means you are human.

That word wrecked me in a very good way. It was the Lord reminding me, “Get up. Stay the course. I’m not done with you yet.”

I’m literally weeping even now as I realize…

I’m human.

I fail.

But in God’s eyes, I am not a failure.

I am His.

I am called.

I still have a job to do.

He’s not done with me, yet.

That, my friends, is epic grace.

11 Things Leaders Will Miss When They Are No Longer Leading

Brian Dodd

January 3, 2018

All leadership is temporary. It will eventually come to an end. Then the mantle of your leadership will be passed to someone else who will soon change many of the systems and processes you implemented. Regardless of your area of discipline, this is simply the reality of leadership.

This past September President Barack Obama was interviewed by Britain’s Prince Harry on BBC Radio 4’s Today program as part of the Invictus Games. Regardless of what you think of President Obama’s politics, he provided some incredible insights into his post-presidency leadership.

As I read a USA Today article detailing their conversation, I gleaned 11 Things Leaders Will Miss When They Are No Longer Leading. All comments are from President Obama.

Leaders Will Miss Having a Certain Level of Authority When They Are No Longer Leading – “I have to rely more on persuasion than legislation.”
Leaders Will Miss Their Team When They Are No Longer Leading – “I miss my team.”
Leaders Will Miss Their Level of Influence When They Are No Longer Leading – “Everything you do every day you know can affect millions and billions of people in some cases”
Leaders Will Miss the Intellectual Challenge When They Are No Longer Leading – “to have really smart (people)”
Leaders Will Miss Having That Level of Focus and Intentionality When They Are No Longer Leading – “focused people”
Leaders Will Miss the Nobility of Leadership When They Are No Longer Leading – “who are there for the right reasons”
Leaders Will Miss Having a Team They Trust When They Are No Longer Leading – “who over time have built up trust”
Leaders Will Miss the Support of Others When They Are No Longer Leading – “have learned to support each other”
Leaders Will Miss Having People Rely on Them When They Are No Longer Leading – “rely on each other, I miss that.”
Leaders Will Miss Fascinating and Rewarding Work When They Are No Longer Leading – “I miss the work itself because it was fascinating and rewarding.”
Leaders Will Miss Doing Work That Benefits Others When They Are No Longer Leading – “You knew that even if the politics of a certain issue didn’t always work out well that by doing a good job there was somebody out there.”

These are the perks of leadership.

I also found it interesting what President Obama did not say he would miss:

The Press
Pressure
Conflict
Sleepless Nights
Disappointment
Failure
Time Away From Family
Meetings
Hard Decisions

These make up just some of the price of leadership.

What is one thing you will miss when you are no longer leading?

This article originally appeared here.

Steve and Jackie Green: Inviting All People to Engage With the Bible

Jason Daye

January 3, 2018

Steve and Jackie Green are the founders and visionaries of the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C., and offer their unique perspective on the Bible’s history and impact. They co-authored a book about the Bible titled, This Dangerous Book. Steve is also president of Hobby Lobby.

Key Questions:

How did God give you a vision for a Bible museum?

What have you learned about dealing with criticism?

What’s your favorite artifact from the Bible museum?

[SUBSCRIBE] For more ChurchLeaders podcasts click here!

Key Quotes:

“I don’t know how many times I said to God, ‘Don’t you have someone better qualified to do this?’” – Jackie Green

“The Bible is a book that is loved and hated, it’s controversial. Because of that there are those who will take any misstep you make and try to run with it.” – Steve Green

“There’s value in listening to your critics, that’s when you learn and improve…but in some cases there is constructive criticism that is meant to harm and hurt. You strive to know what is helpful and what you throw out.” – Steve Green

“We’re not qualified for this but God is qualified. He equips those that he calls.” – Jackie Green

“There are struggles and challenges and set backs but when you know that you are following where God is directing then it gives you courage to keep going.” – Steve Green

“The mission for Museum of the Bible is to invite all people to engage with the Bible.” – Steve Green

“We just want to point people to be intrigued and to look at the Bible and want to know more about it and to engage with it.” – Jackie Green

“When you understand how this book has impacted our world, the incredible story it tells and the history, it just makes you have such a great appreciation for the book that we all love and cherish.” – Steve Green

Mentioned in the Show:

This Dangerous Book

Museum of the Bible

Steve on ChurchLeaders:

Passion For God’s Word: Interview with Steve Green

The Most Dangerous Book on Your Shelf

If You’re Going to Have an Affair in 2018, It’s Probably This One

Carey Nieuwhof

January 2, 2018

So could you end up having an affair as a leader—even as a well-intentioned Christian leader?

I think the answer is absolutely.

Obviously, some leaders have emotional or sexual affairs with people to whom they are not married. As heartbreaking, future-altering and faith-shattering as those affairs can be, there’s another kind of affair you’re actually far more likely to have.

Here’s my story.

My wife came home one day from a counselling appointment with some news.

We see the same counselor. He knows my story. He knows hers. We’ve even seen him together a good number of times, both in the tough seasons and in the good ones.

As we were debriefing what she learned in her last session, I asked if there was anything else they talked about.

My wife Toni replied, “Are you sure you want to know?”

I told her I did, wincing a little.

“Well, he said that, in his view, you had an affair.”

It was one of those awkward moments, because I know I didn’t have that kind of affair…but my mind started racing. Did he think I had an emotional affair? Again…I couldn’t think of anyone.

So I asked: “What did he mean?”

“He said you had an affair with your work,” Toni told me.

And hearing those words, I knew he was right.

So we talked about it. In both my wife’s view and mine, my affair ended years ago.

And strangely, I’ve been a better husband and have accomplished far more in ministry, both locally and beyond, since it ended than I ever did when work took up most of my time. In fact, since my affair with work ended (for me, it ended in burnout a decade ago), I’ve published three books, launched two podcasts, spoken to thousands of leaders a year and seen our church grow to over double the size it was when I was working more hours. And I’ve spent more time with my family.

So how does that happen?

Well, first you need to understand how you got there. There are at least five reasons Christian leaders end up putting their work first. I outline them below.

But then you have to figure out how to get out of the spin of constant busyness and low productivity that kills both your leadership and your life.

That’s why I created the High Impact Leader Course. The 10-module online course takes everything I’ve learned in the last decade about managing time, energy and priorities to help you get your life and leadership back.

Right now, for a very limited time, enrollment is open for new leaders.

In the meantime, let’s start with how the affair begins. It’s so subtle and innocent, the vast majority of leaders never see it coming.

1. In Ministry, Working More Hours Makes You Feel Like You’re More Faithful

Before entering ministry, I spent a year working as a law student in downtown Toronto. Honestly, it was easy to go home at 4:30.

I hustled hard. I was often in the office at 7 a.m. and I worked my tail off. But I wanted to go home and see my wife and our newborn son. It wasn’t that difficult to draw lines between what I did at work, who I was as a Christian, and my role as a husband and new dad.

I actually worked shorter hours than most lawyers and other law students. Ironically, though, after my year was finished and I was called to the bar, eligible for full practice, they released a colleague of mine who worked 90 hours a week and offered me—who worked less than 50 hours each week—a job. The firm said my year with them was the first time a law student ever made them money.

Clearly, shorter hours does not mean less productivity. Often, it means more.

I wish things stayed that clear when I got into ministry. But it didn’t.

At first, time management was easy because our churches were very small. But then, they started to grow and we merged into one. In fact, within a few years we became the fastest growing church in our denomination as well as one of the largest.

I didn’t know how to lead in such a high growth environment so I did the only thing I knew how to do to keep up: I worked more hours.

In ministry, working more hours felt different than in law. In the church, working more hours can make you feel like you’re being more faithful. After all, it’s for God, right? We were seeing hundreds of people come to Christ and grow in Christ. So working fewer hours felt like faithlessness.

So how did my logic get so messed up? After I burned out, I realized that ministry combines three areas of life that are intensely personal.

Ministry combines your:

Faith.

Work.

Community.

Because of that:

What you do is what you believe.

What you believe is what you do.

Your friends are also the people you serve and lead.

Throw your family into the mix (because they believe what you believe and are friends with the people you/they lead and serve) and bam—it’s even more jumbled

5 Boundaries to Save You from Unhealthy Relationships and Manipulative People

Dave Willis

January 2, 2018

Are you looking for boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people? Check out these five boundaries.

I recently sat down with a young couple who is going through a very serious struggle in their marriage because of someone outside their marriage. You might assume I’m talking about a mistress or an emotional affair, but this has nothing to do with wrongdoing on the part of either spouse. Their struggle has to do with an overbearing parent.

The husband’s mom (and the wife’s mother-in-law) has bombarded the young couple with pressures, demands, emotional pleas, tantrums, threats, bullying, name-calling and a myriad of other unpleasant tactics to get her way and to manipulate the dynamics within the family’s relationships. She seems to see their marriage as a threat to the relationship and influence she once had with her son. See seems to view her daughter-in-law as competition for her son’s attention rather than a beloved new addition to the family.

This young couple seemed exhausted by their dealings with what seems to be a narcissistic and emotionally unstable person. They want to honor and respect her. They want their young daughter to have a relationship with her grandmother. They want peace and no drama, but they also don’t want to be a doormat to her unhealthy demands. Sadly, their struggle is a very common one.

It’s very common for a couple to face an overbearing parent (or parents) in their marriage, but dealing with overbearing and emotionally unhealthy people can happen in all parts of life (work, school, home, etc.). Not if but WHEN you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is bullying, manipulative, unstable or unhealthy in any way, for the sake of your family and your sanity, PLEASE implement the following boundaries.

Five Boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people (in no particular order)...

1. “Teach” manipulative people how to treat you by how you treat them AND by how you allow them to treat you.

Make sure you’re not responding to negativity with negativity. Don’t sink to their level, because you’ll lose. It’s been said that when you wrestle with a pig in the mud, you BOTH get dirty, but the pig likes it! Be kind and respectful even when it’s not returned; not as a reflection of their character but as a reflection of yours. If the difficult person continues to bully, you might need to remove them from your life to protect yourself and your family until they change their toxic behavior. This leads directly into #2.

Communicate THIS over and over to the difficult person.…

2. Let manipulative people know that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on how they are acting.

It can be difficult to tell someone (especially someone older than you like a parent) that their behavior is out-of-bounds. Do this with gentleness and respect but also with a resolute firmness that you can’t compromise on this for the sake of your own family. If this difficult person throws a fit and starts trying to manipulate or sabotage the situation, remind him/her that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on their decisions. You’re outlining the clear boundaries like the concrete median on an interstate; to protect everyone on the road. If they can’t abide by those boundaries, people will get hurt, so their behavior is forfeiting their opportunity for a relationship until (or unless) they make changes. You can’t make them change their behavior, but they can’t make you abide by their unhealthy behaviors. You aren’t removing them from your life, they need to know that they, by their own decisions, are causing the break in the relationship.

#3 might be the most important one on the list if you are married…

3. (For those who are married) Be completely UNIFIED with your spouse in your approach to dealing with this manipulative person.

If there’s an overbearing parent (or anyone else) who is trying to insert themselves into your marital business or to pull you away from your spouse, you and your spouse MUST be unified. You can’t be divided. Behind closed doors you might have disagreements about how to best handle the situation, but especially in public and in your communication with the difficult person you must always be united. If your spouse is the one who is the difficult and unhealthy person, that’s a completely different set of issues and I’d encourage you to start by checking out our program at FightingForMyMarriage.com.

#4 is SO difficult to do but it could change the relationship AND change your own perspective in the process…

4. Don’t treat manipulative people like they treat you. Treat them like God treats you.

God gives us forgiveness, love and grace even when we don’t deserve it, and then calls us to love others like he has loved us. As a Christian, I believe Jesus was the perfect embodiment of grace, love, truth, strength and all that’s good in relationships.

Happiness Is a Current State of Being. Joy Is About the Future

Bob Ditmer

January 2, 2018

The Bible Project creates animated videos that show the Bible as a unified story that leads to Jesus. They also create videos that explain the meaning behind specific Bible words in order to give readers greater understanding into the writers’ intent.

In this video they look at the word “joy.

Today’s culture would interpret that word to mean “happiness.” The Bible does, too, and also uses “joy” to describe beauty, goodness, friendship and a plentiful harvest.

While the words can be synonymous, there is a deeper theological and spiritual understanding behind “joy.”

Happiness typically refers to a current condition. Joy speaks of future destiny.

The producers of the video explain it this way: “Christian joy describes faith and hope in the power of Jesus’ life and love” regardless of your present condition.

Can you be joyful in the midst of pain and suffering? The video points to biblical characters who were. The Israelites roamed the desert for 40 years but Psalm 105:43 tells us “The Lord caused his people to leave with joy, his chosen ones with shouts of joy.”

And Paul, while in prison and awaiting execution, spoke of “joy of faith” and “joy in the Lord” in his letter to the Philippians.

In fact, theologians argue it would have been sinful for Paul and the Israelites not to be joyful in those circumstances. R. C. Sproul in an article titled “The Key to the Christian’s Joy” wrote,

“Based on the biblical teaching, I would go so far as to say that it is the Christian’s duty, his moral obligation, to be joyful. That means that the failure of a Christian to be joyful is a sin, that unhappiness and a lack of joy are, in a certain way, manifestations of the flesh.

The heart of the New Testament concept is this: a person can have biblical joy even when he is mourning, suffering, or undergoing difficult circumstances. This is because the person’s mourning is directed toward one concern, but in that same moment, he possesses a measure of joy.

How is it possible to remain joyful all the time? Paul gives us the key: “Rejoice in the Lord always” (emphasis added). The key to the Christian’s joy is its source, which is the Lord. If Christ is in me and I am in Him, that relationship is not a sometimes experience. The Christian is always in the Lord and the Lord is always in the Christian, and that is always a reason for joy. Even if the Christian cannot rejoice in his circumstances, if he finds himself passing through pain, sorrow, or grief, he still can rejoice in Christ. We rejoice in the Lord, and since He never leaves us or forsakes us, we can rejoice always.”

As you watch this video and learn about the biblical concept of joy, rejoice yourself knowing that it is the Holy Spirit who produces joy, even when you can’t.

If you enjoyed this video from the Bible Project, you’ll like these as well:

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Do You Understand the Psalms?

Understanding the Book of Proverbs

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Law 1: The harvest is limited to the planting.

Law 2: The harvest comes later than the planting.

Law 3: The harvest is greater than the planting.

Law 4: The harvest is proportional to the planting.

Law 5: We can’t do anything about this year’s harvest, but we can change next year’s.

So, we must ask, what is being worshiped today?

#1 – Decide what you’re going to accomplish.

#2 – Invite and involve the right people.

#3 – Do your homework.

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Five Boundaries to save you from unhealthy relationships and manipulative people (in no particular order)...

1. “Teach” manipulative people how to treat you by how you treat them AND by how you allow them to treat you.

2. Let manipulative people know that THEY are choosing not to be part of your life based on how they are acting.

3. (For those who are married) Be completely UNIFIED with your spouse in your approach to dealing with this manipulative person.

4. Don’t treat manipulative people like they treat you. Treat them like God treats you.

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