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Andy Stanley: Why I Stopped Saying ‘The Bible Says’ When I Preach

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Andy Stanley is the senior pastor of North Point Community Church, Buckhead Church, and Browns Bridge Community Church. Andy received a bachelor’s degree of journalism from Georgia State University and later earned a masters degree from Dallas Theological Seminary. He lives in Alpharetta, Georgia with his wife, Sandra, and his three children: Andrew, Garrett, and Allison.

Key Questions for Andy Stanley:

– Can you explain why you’ve stopped saying certain phrases like “The Bible says” when you preach?
– How has this change in language affected those who listen to your sermons?
– Instead of placing the focus on Scripture’s inerrancy, what should we focus on when evangelizing?

Key Quotes from Andy Stanley:

“I stopped using specific language. I quit saying: The Bible says, the Bible teaches, the Word of God says, the Word of God teaches…this was not a change in belief or theology for me. This was simply a change in approach to talking about the Bible.”

“Once upon a time, the only way to know what was in the Bible was to pick one up and read it. Those days are long gone, and because of the internet, and because of the misinformation age…people can find out what else is in the Bible without owning a Bible, picking up a Bible, reading a Bible, or even having access to a Bible.”

“I’ve found many people who have left church are willing to take a step and follow before they believe. Which of course, most of Jesus’s first century followers followed before they believed.”

“For the first 350 years of Christianity, no preacher or teacher said ‘the Bible says’, ‘the Bible says’, ‘the Bible says’. There was no such thing as the Bible. Obviously there was Scripture…but they did not, especially in the first century, build the Christian faith on the back of a text…Nobody could read, nobody owned one. What drove the first century Christians was an event.”

“The time has come for us to step back onto a more sure footing, and I think a firmer foundation, and to build our case for our congregations and for this generation [Millennials] on the event of the Resurrection, and not the authenticity or the infallibility of a text. And it’s not because I don’t think the Scripture’s infallible…”

“The Bible did not create Christianity. Christians created the Bible….What created Christianity was the first Easter morning…”

“In the culture and in the marketplace and in the public square, we have to shift the focus from the Bible to the Resurrection. Because the Resurrection is completely defensible now just as it was in the first century.”

“I think [some people] put [the Bible] in the place of Jesus.”

“When people hear the story [of the Resurrection], they lean in because it’s undeniable and it’s extraordinary.”

“If you will organize around reaching the next generation and not keeping the current one, if you will organize around, budget around, build around, preach, teach, sing around reaching the next generation instead of keeping the current one, your church will be better…”

“All the New Testament imperatives that we find after the gospels are simply applications of Jesus’s new covenant command to love as I have loved you. The Apostle Paul wasn’t coming up with new rules and new laws.”

“If ministry is hard, you are doing it correctly.”

Mentioned in the Show

Irresistible: Reclaiming the New that Jesus Unleashed for the World  by Andy Stanley
Dr. Norman Geisler
Andy’s Interview in Outreach Magazine

7 Reasons to Greet Your Group Members With a Smile

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The simple act of greeting your small group with a smile can make all the difference.

Do you like using the drive-thru lanes at fast food restaurants, pharmacies and banks?

Not me. I avoid drive-thru lanes.

But my wife uses them when possible. She loves the convenience and speed.

I seem to be willing to risk marital conflict all the time by pretending the drive-through doesn’t exist.

I don’t avoid them because of the frustration that bubbles up when I try to place an order through bad speakers. And just like my wife, I value convenience and speed. But I value a face-to-face interaction even more. I love to see the smile on the other person’s face.

I feel better when I see another smile.

Smiles are magical.

Q: What do your group members see when they arrive at your gatherings?

A: Make it a smile!

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

~ Mother Teresa

Benefits of Putting on a Smile

There are a multitude of benefits you receive when you put a smile on your face. Here are seven reasons to turn on a smile when your guests arrive:

1. Reduced Stress

Want an easy way to better deal with stress? Smiling improves your response to stressful situations.

2. Increased Trust

Trust is extremely important in a small group. Putting on a smile makes you appear more trustworthy.

3. Look Better

Why do you think before and after photos in ads usually feature a smile only in the after photo? You look more attractive when you wear a smile. You can give a boost to your appearance whenever you want.

4. Improved Mood

Your facial expression has the ability to influence your emotions. Smile and you can improve your mood on the spot.

5. Increased Creativity

The good mood your smile creates results in benefits including increased creativity. This will enhance the discussions and decisions occurring in your Bible-study.

6. Live Longer

Would you smile more if you knew it would extend your life? Smiling influences our longevity. This shouldn’t be a surprise since it improves things like our heart health, immunity and relationships.

7. Better Leadership

A University of Montpellier study showed that “smiling is a very powerful leadership technique which paves the way for the success of a leader.” Use your smile to be a better small group leader.

It’s great you receive so many benefits by putting a smile on your face. But what about the ones you are greeting? Do they receive any benefits?

They can have ALL of the benefits you receive. It is a bonus reason to smile.

Smiles Are Contagious

It s a natural response to smile if you see someone else smile. Greet your guests with a smile and they will return the expression and immediately be better equipped for all God has in store for them.

Note: If a smile is not returned, it is not a natural response. The person is working to keep from smiling. This is a signal that something serious may be going on in their life. If this is the case, what better place to be than at a small group gathering?

Question: What are some benefits you have received from smiling? How do people react to your smiles? 

This article originally appeared here.

Are You Having an Affair With Worship Ministry?

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Why are worship leaders finding it so difficult to balance family and ministry responsibilities? It’s possible those demands and expectations are church or church leadership imposed. But it’s also equally likely they are self-imposed. Some of us are willing to sacrifice almost all waking hours away from our spouse if it means we will have the largest choir or most renowned worship band. Our biblical call to lead others to be a living sacrifice will never ask us to sacrifice our marriage. Doing so would be a sign we’re having an extramarital affair with worship ministry.

10 Signs You’re Having an Affair With Worship Ministry
  • You always ask how something might impact your worship leading before asking how it might impact your marriage.
  • You find more in common with worship team members, and consequently, compare your spouse to them.
  • You expect your spouse to have the same passion for your worship leadership as you do.
  • You attend worship conferences in exotic locations but never have enough time for a romantic weekend getaway.
  • Most text messages are to/from band members instead of your spouse.
  • You spend your evenings on YouTube, Spotify and Planning Center so you’re not really home emotionally and relationally even when you’re home physically.
  • You assume leading worship is a higher calling than what your spouse is called to.
  • You have a different spiritual persona on the platform than you do at home.
  • The newest song text instead of the name of your spouse is on your lips when you go to sleep.
  • The affirmation you get from leading worship feeds you more than the affirmation you get at home.

This article originally appeared here.

Remembering the ‘Uneasy Conscience of Christian Music’

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It was 21 years ago on September 19, 1997 that Rich Mullins died in a tragic accident on his way to a benefit concert in Wichita Kansas. He was the artist behind the classic “Awesome God”. Despite being gone, his impact and influence still echoes through the halls of contemporary Christian Music still today. Mullins’ influence has transcended time and his legacy lives on through the lives of artists, musicians and countless Christians.

Here are some Rich Mullins quotes that will hopefully inspire you today.

“I think I would rather live on the verge of falling and let my security be in the all-sufficiency of the grace of God than to live in some pietistic illusion of moral excellence. Not that I don’t want to be morally excellent but my faith isn’t in the idea that I’m more moral than anybody else. My faith is in the idea that God and His love are greater than whatever sins any of us commit.” – Rich Mullins

“The hardest part of being a Christian is surrendering and that is where the real struggle happens. Once we have overcome our own desire to be elevated, our own desire to be recognized, our own desire to be independent and all those things that we value very much because we are Americans and we are part of this American culture. Once we have overcome that struggle then God can use us as a part of His body to accomplish what the body of Christ was left here to accomplish.” – Rich Mullins

“It’s all that pretending to be perfect that breeds inauthenticity in the church.” – Rich Mullins

“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won’t also cost you yours.” – Rich Mullins

“Save me from trendy religion that makes cheap clichés out of timeless truths.” – Rich Mullins

“It says a lot of things in there. Proof-texting is a very, very dangerous thing. I think if we were given the scriptures it was not so that we could prove that we are right about everything. If we were given the scriptures it was to humble us into realizing that God is right and the rest of us are just guessing.” – Rich Mullins

“Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken-hearted.” – Rich Mullins

“God spoke to Balaam through his ass. I believe God still speaks through asses today. So if God should choose to speak through you, you needn’t think too highly of yourself.” – Rich Mullins

“I am a Christian, not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity, but because there were people willing to be nuts and bolts.” – Rich Mullins

“When you stop being so afraid of failing you become much more free to succeed.” – Rich Mullins

“I grew up hearing everyone tell me ‘God loves you’. I would say big deal, God loves everybody. That don’t make me special! That just proves that God ain’t got no taste. And, I don’t think He does. Thank God! Because He takes the junk of our lives and makes the most beautiful art.” – Rich Mullins

Here are some quotes about Rich Mullins from some other artist he influenced…

“Rich Mullins was the uneasy conscience of Christian music. He didn’t live like a star. … could be used to help others.” – Amy Grant

“I cannot explain in words just how much Rich Mullins and his music means to me. His songwriting has influenced me perhaps more than anyone else’s. To be able to sing his lyrics and melodies in this new song helps me to remember this great writer, musician, and friend.” Mac Powell

“My hope in being part of this song isn’t that we just sort of have a nostalgic moment and remember a nice guy, because he wasn’t just a nice guy. My hope is that people are inspired, particularly those of us who sing and write, to remember our prophetic calling to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted.” – Matt Maher

“Rich Mullins is one of my very favorite people. His writing, his music and his demeanor have had a huge impact on me. I cannot describe what an honor it was to be part of ‘The Joy of Jesus’ as we celebrate the artist and the soul that is Rich Mullins.” – Ellie Holcomb

Rich Mullins was to me what Steve Green was to a generation before me. He was a prophetic voice in an industry that needed it. I learned more about God in his music than in most books I was reading at that time. As I reflect on his life and legacy, I remember this:

And I believe what I believe
is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of god
and not the invention of any man

It will be a beautiful thing one day sharing in the choir of voices singing to our King Jesus, next to Mr. Mullins.

Piktochart’s Story Is a MUST READ for Christian Entrepreneurs (Part 1)

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Piktochart’s story is a big story: it stretches from Malaysia to Italy to England to Korea and back to Malaysia. It stretches across three cultures and two lives. It is so big it will take two articles to tell it all. Ai Ching Goh was raised Buddhist in Malaysia. Andrea Zaggia was raised a non-practicing Catholic in Italy. God used technology to bring them together, helped them launch an innovative web business, and, most importantly saved them. I am thrilled to share their story with you over the next two months.

A Global Scholar

Ai Ching was born and raised in Penang, Malaysia. Her culture and her family life were permeated with Buddhism and Taoism.  Both religions deny that there is a personal God. She was ambitious and had the opportunity to study abroad. As a teenager, Ai Ching was an exchange student to southern Italy. While there she started to learn the Italian language, and when she returned home, she used Skype to find Italians with whom she could practice her language skills. One of the people she began conversing with was Andrea.

Andrea’s family, like many in Italy, was Roman Catholic, but faith wasn’t an important part of his life. Andrea studied computer science in high school and began studying it at university.

Meanwhile, Ai Ching had the opportunity to go to university in Bristol, England. During a school break, she visited her Skype friend in Venice, and in return, Andrea visited his friend, Ai Ching, in Bristol. Their virtual friendship became a real-world romance. Ai Ching earned her degree in Experiential Psychology and tried to start her career in Europe, but the global recession was in full swing and there were no jobs to be found. She returned home to Malaysia and Andrea joined her.

Moves and Pivots

They both immediately got jobs in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia’s capital city: Ai Ching in marketing for a large corporation and Andrea working for a web development firm. But they weren’t happy in the big city. Before long they moved to Penang and started their own web design firm. They enjoyed working together, and loved the creative work. Doing digital work on the Internet was efficient and liberating, but managing demanding customer relationships seemed to take all the joy out of it. They began searching for a way to build a business where the customer relationship could be simplified as well.

In 2011 they came up with the idea for Piktochart, a simple online tool for creating infographics. These fun, graphical ways of presenting information and telling a story were becoming popular online, but there was no easy way to create them. Andrea and Ai Ching set out to change that.

That wasn’t the only thing that changed.

At the end of 2011, they joined a startup accelerator in China. When they returned to Penang at the beginning of 2012, they launched the Piktochart beta version and began chasing startup capital. They made many pitches of their new business to investors and in pitch competitions. They won a scholarship to a program in Silicon Valley, which meant more pitching. They received funding offers, but none that they felt compelled to take.

They also got married — in two ceremonies — a Buddhist one in Malaysia and a one in Italy for family and friends who couldn’t make the trip.

Broken

As you can imagine, this was an emotionally challenging time for Andrea and Ai Ching. In fact, it was too much for Ai Ching and the day after the first ceremony, she suffered a breakdown. Ai Ching’s housemate in Bristol, So Young, had attended the wedding in Malaysia and was staying at her house. She watched the breakdown and prayed for Ai Ching. Ai Ching had always been very focused on financial success: she had achieved much. But no matter how much success she enjoyed, it was not fulfilling. She had chased fulfillment down many paths, including new age and occult practices, but it continued to elude her. Now, after a simple Christian prayer, for the first time she felt peace. This peace intrigued Ai Ching.

So Young lived in Korea and Ai Ching visited her for a week. Her stated reason for going was to pursue opportunities related to Piktochart, but it was clear that God was at work. So Young attended a very large church and it was hard to schedule a meeting with the pastor, but God created an opening and Ai Ching sat with this godly man. Her first question for him was a challenge “If God is good, why does he allow bad things to happen?” Ai Ching’s friends had nicknamed her the “iron woman”, but through her own question, God broke her heart. For most of that meeting, she was in tears.

Restored

For the rest of her Korean visit, it was as if Ai Ching was seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Everything was new and bright and beautiful. The beauty of God’s creation overwhelmed her. The Korean pastor found a good church for Ai Ching and Andrea in Penang, and Ai Ching began reading the Bible, using the YouVersion app on her phone. She had come to believe that there is only one God and that Jesus is real.

But God wasn’t yet finished with this newly married couple. As Paul wrote in Romans 10 “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.”

Andrea and Ai Ching decided to attend the church in Penang once, out of respect to So Young and her pastor. The sermon was from James 1. The pastor spoke on anger and the Biblical way to deal with it. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” Ai Ching cried uncontrollably through the entire sermon, as God put a magnifying glass on the sin in her life and she had an intense desire for repentance and a clean heart.

At first, Andrea thought that, since he was raised Catholic, he already was a Christian. He thought that Ai Ching’s emotional response and interest in Christianity was a passing thing, as many of her previous religious pursuits had been. But they continued to attend the church every week and, thanks to the multilingual Bible app, they began reading the Bible together. He started to learn what true saving faith looked like, and God used the dramatic change in his wife to minister to him as well: it was less than three months between when Ai Ching first learned about Jesus and her baptism into the faith.

This month I have focused on how God used technology and even their nascent business to minister to this young couple’s deep need for the Savior. Next month, I will share with you how God is using them — and their business to minister to others.

The Perils of Preaching an Implications-Free Gospel

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Only, they asked us to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do.
Galatians 2:10

One of the strangest developments of late in the ongoing scrums over the orthodoxy or heterodoxy of “social justice” is the shifts in understanding by various evangelical tribes and movements of the distinctions and connections between law and gospel. “Just preach the gospel” has become a frequent rebuke heard from camps who are concerned about the muddling of gospel and works.

To be clear and fair, not everyone concerned about emphases on social justice agrees with the alleged antidote of “just preaching the gospel,” but this imperative has been leveled enough—and from some places of influence—that it has gained a fair amount of traction. Also to be fair, the muddling of gospel and works is always a threat to real Christianity, and nobody is immune. We must take care not to confuse any works, be they works we call “social justice” or simply “love of neighbor,” with the finished work of Jesus Christ, lest we inadvertently come to “preach ourselves” (2 Cor. 4:5). (This is the most glaring problem with the recent social justice statement originating from Union Seminary. Among its numerous problems—like its denials of biblical inerrancy and Christian exclusivity—it affirms a false gospel.)

I believe that the frequent charge against many advocating “social justice” that they are advocating for a/the social gospel is overstated, and yet the social gospel is not a figment of a fundamentalist’s imagination. It is a real message and was—and, especially among progressive types and mainliners, still is—a real danger.

At this point I put my gospel-centered bona fides on the table. I would hope that my writing both online and in print, and my pulpit and public ministries over the last 15 years, would demonstrate I am opposed to the conflation of our work with Christ’s. The gospel is not its implications. And yet—and yet!—to preach an implications-free gospel is in essence to strip Christ’s Lordship from his salvation. “Just preach the gospel” is not the full counsel of God’s word.

So below I offer five reasons why clear application of the gospel is important and why in fact declaring an implications-free gospel is spiritually perilous. I know this does not answer each and every critic of the social justice movement, and nor does it represent every advocate—because both critics and advocates represent much diversity in perspectives—but I hope it will serve to give many of us pause before we confuse both the gospel with its entailments (on the one hand) or confuse gospel-centeredness with gospel-only-ness (on the other).

1. The gospel does not exist in a theological vacuum.

The ministry of Jesus Christ which saves us had a cultural and missiological context. The Scriptures that for thousands of years testified to him are a substantive foundation for understanding all of his works, both teaching and doing, in the four Gospels. And the extrapolation of his atoning work by the apostles in the rest of the New Testament represent an important “and then what?”—both for our thinking and our doing—that the Holy Spirit determined we should feed on as God’s very words.

We need only look at the substantive testimony of the prophets to Israel and to the kings/nations in the Old Testament to see how much time is spent specifically rebuking and calling to repentance the powers that be in order to see the precedent is biblical.

Jesus’ longest sermon (Matthew 5-7) and one of his longest parables (Luke 10:25-37) are almost entirely about love of neighbor in the face of cultural-religious opposition and systemic injustice/corruption.

All of that is to say, Jesus did not come simply preaching the gospel as idea but the gospel as kingdom. One need only consider Paul’s words in Romans 8 and 1 Corinthians 15 to see how expansive the finished work of Christ really is, just how much it is supposed to impact. For several years now, we’ve had certain corners of the church warning us about neglect of holiness and the law, scolding what they see as “cheap grace” and bloodless belief. Now many in these same corners are insisting that just the gospel message will do the trick against ethnic divisions or other sins. You rarely hear this imperative in response to the challenges of illegal immigration or the systemic injustice of abortion. Perhaps it’s because those issues do not effect us—or indict us—as directly. Nevertheless, it is interesting how “just preach the gospel” is said to be sufficient for the problems associated with social injustice but apparently isn’t sufficient to solve the problem of “social justice warrioring.” But that’s an irony to explore another time.

2. The Bible commands works.

This is the most facile point to make and the one that should be the most unnecessary. Does the Bible actually outline implications of the gospel? Are the moral imperatives of Scripture binding on Christians? Is the whole of Scripture sufficient for reproof, correction and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16)? Is faith proved by its works (James 2:17-18)?

If the answer to all of those questions is yes, then even as we hold the central message distinct from its entailments, we nevertheless have no right to disconnect them.

This does not mean the imperatives can do what the indicatives can do. It doesn’t mean that the law has any power to give us on its behalf. That power can only come from the gospel. And yet the one true gospel empowers its implications. We are created for good works. It is good and right and biblical to teach that.

3. The gospel is adorned and amplified by its implications.

If the Lord wanted us to have an unadorned gospel, we would not need Romans 12-16, 1 Corinthians 3-16, 2 Corinthians 5-13, the second halves of Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians, and so on. What I mean is, if the gospel is not simply central but isolatable, we can lop off huge portions of the New Testament, not to mention gigantic swaths of the Old. Do you want to go back to the “ask Jesus into your heart” gospel? Because that’s where the implications-free teaching goes. To fail to urge “obedience to the gospel” (1 Peter 4:17) is to rob Scripture of riches, the gospel of raiment and God of glory. In Galatians 2, as Paul is recounting the “getting on the same page” with the apostles before him, he mentions that a prevailing concern of theirs on his mission is that he remembered the poor. Why? Because while the imperatives aren’t the message that saves, they are nevertheless imperative to the mission to save!

I know within the larger conversation there are hundreds of smaller, more specific subjects to address. Many critics of social justice advocacy do not say we should avoid teaching imperatives. (They either simply don’t think that the problems of social justice are real or that the particular imperatives proposed are the right ones.) But many folks do appear to be saying we ought to avoid imperatives. I see it from influential teachers and Jane and Joe Pew-sitters alike. Some do say or suggest we ought to “just preach the gospel.” And while it seems sound and even sounds “gospel-centered,” it forgets that the gospel, if it’s real, has a multitude of implications that follow in the wake of our belief. 

How to Handle the Cynics and Pessimists in Your Life

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Leadership takes courage, and my guess is that some days it feels the cynics and pessimists have sucked almost all the courage and hope out of you.

I get that. We’ve all had our share of cynics and pessimists try to dissuade us from action.

We live in an age in which there is no shortage of opinion. The challenge these days in leadership (and in life) is that a lot of those opinions are not particularly helpful.

On most teams, boards, and in most organizations and churches you’ll find cynics and pessimists who are constantly offering opinions on what you should do, or more frequently, not do.

The question you have is this: How do you handle the cynics and pessimists, whose usual response to your new idea is to explain to you why it won’t work, why it’s doomed to fail or why it’s simply not worth pursuing?

Of course, cynics and pessimists rarely own up to being who they are. Instead, they tell you they’re realists.

Realism is often just a thin disguise for the much deeper problems of cynicism and pessimism.

The worst thing about the constant barrage of negative voices is that they snuff out hope. And you never get to a better future without hope.

So how should you respond? How do you keep hope alive when the cynics and pessimists keep telling you it can’t happen and it won’t happen?

Here are five ways to handle the negative voices that come your way.

1. CONSIDER THE SOURCE

Cynics and pessimists often have opinions on everything. But drill down a little further and you’ll soon discover that in their personal lives, they’ve rarely attempted anything.

Never trust those who have opinions on everything and attempt nothing with their own life.

RedditUser218 can point out everything that’s wrong with everybody else, but scroll through his profile and feed and you’ll soon discover he’s in the business of doing nothing significant other than tearing down others who are attempting to do good things…or anything.

Similarly, Twitter dude with the cartoon avatar and 113 followers likely isn’t making any original contribution of his own. Check his feed, and you’ll soon see he spends his days shooting down others who do.

Criticism is not a spiritual gift. If the only thing you contribute to a conversation is criticism, you haven’t contributed at all.

So when you’re sorting through the various voices that have come your way, consider the source.

It’s not that all negative opinions are bad opinions. Sometimes what you’re saying or doing needs correction in whole or in part.

But what I’ve found is that the best critiques come from people who are attempting to do something significant with their lives. I don’t mean famous. It could be as simple as the parent who is trying to organize all the other parents at their school or in their neighborhood. Or the barista who is hustling hard and trying to make each customer have a great experience. Or the student who is getting up early to ace her courses.

That kind of critique can be very valuable, because it comes from someone who’s in the game and trying to make a difference.

They’re the kind of people you can build the future of your church or organization on. So lean in.

But if you’re hearing from the person who has nothing but negative things to say and is honestly attempting little to nothing with their own lives—well, that’s a different story.

After all, cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change.

2. LOOK FOR ANY TRUTH YOU CAN FIND

All that said, your critics are probably never entirely wrong.

When you hear criticism, ask what part of it might be valid. Maybe the idea isn’t great after all. Or perhaps it’s a great idea, but you could have angled it differently, or shared it in a more helpful way.

You can learn from everyone, and you should have the humility to learn from anyone. Even your critics.

Even if what they said is 99 percent unhelpful and defeatist, learn from the 1 percent that might help you.

Pray about it. Talk about it with a trusted friend. Learn and grow.

3. DON’T FIGHT A BATTLE YOU WON’T WIN

As much as you want to learn from cynical and pessimistic people, you’re probably wasting your breath in trying to fight back or change their mind.

I’ve found the best way to engage a (true) cynic or pessimist is this: Thank them for their viewpoint, and move on.

I used to spend a lot more time trying to change people’s minds and convince everyone to come along. Sometimes it worked, but usually the latent pessimism would surface again soon, and I would emerge out of those conversations exhausted and depleted.

Years ago, someone shared this with me:

Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.

There’s a little too much truth in that.

The best way to win a battle with a cynic is to move on and build a better future.

Results have a way of speaking for themselves.

Results also usually either silence the critics or reduce their influence to the ever-shrinking group that will listen to them.

Harmful CA AB 2119 Approves Gender Transition for Foster Kids

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On September 14, California Governor Jerry Brown signed into law Assembly Bill 2119, guaranteeing that gender-dysphoric youth in the state’s foster care system can have sex-change treatment paid for by Medi-Cal, the state-sponsored health insurance system.

The controversial bill guarantees “the right of minors and non-minors in foster care to…gender-affirming health care and gender-affirming mental health care.” Todd Gloria, the Democratic Assembly Member who introduced the bill in February, said it “affirms the right of foster youth to be able to access health services reflective of their gender identity—meaning these children can grow up safe, healthy, and be exactly who they are meant to be.” Gloria, who is openly gay, had support from many LGBT advocacy groups.

Opponents to the bill included the California Family Council, the American College of Pediatricians and the National Task Force for Therapy Equality. Critics said the law overrides the authority of biological parents, mandating that county welfare agencies provide transgender counseling, drugs and surgery to foster children struggling with their gender identity. The law also prohibits counseling from any professionals who might try to align “a child’s or non-minor dependent’s assigned sex at birth and gender identity.” 

The Physical Effects of Gender Transition Treatment

Physicians who opposed AB 2119 emphasized that puberty-blocking drugs aren’t FDA-approved and haven’t been rigorously tested, so their long-term effects aren’t known. In testimony before the California Senate, endocrinologist Michael Laidlaw said the hormones stunt children’s sex organs, leaving them unable to reproduce. “Stopping puberty early leads to complete sterility, complete infertility and…sexual dysfunction,” he said.

The high-dose hormones involved with gender transition carry many physical risks. According to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health “Standards of Care,” these include various cancers, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, bone loss and more. The Standards of Care note that “no controlled clinical trials of any feminizing/masculinizing hormone regimen have been conducted to evaluate safety or efficacy in producing physical transition.”

The Emotional Effects of Gender Transition Treatment

In his Senate testimony, Dr. Laidlaw emphasized that children undergoing gender-transition treatment “don’t have the capacity at that young of an age to understand what’s going to happen to them.” California’s bill misses the mark, he said, because “doctors and psychologists have absolutely no way of diagnosing with certainty who is a true trans child and who has gender dysphoria or confusion with underlying mental health and endocrine problems.”

Added to that mix are the uncertainty and trauma many foster children already face due to unstable living arrangements. As a recent study showed, emotional or mental health problems and traumatic events are factors in rapid-onset gender dysphoria.

According to a fact sheet from the American College of Pediatricians, “As many as 88 percent of gender dysphoric girls and 98 percent of gender dysphoric boys will identify with their biological sex by late adolescence with watchful waiting and/or therapy that affirms a child’s sex.”

Dr. Michelle Cretella, president of the American College of Pediatricians, has spoken out against “transgender ideology in schools,” calling it “psychological abuse that often leads to chemical castration, sterilization and surgical mutilation.”

You can watch Dr. Laidlaw’s argument against gender transition treatment for children in this video:

What Is Willow Creek’s Steve Carter Up to These Days?

Steve Carter
Screengrab Youtube @Steve Harris

It’s been over a month now since Steve Carter, the lead teaching pastor of Willow Creek, resigned unexpectedly. On Sunday, August 5, 2018 while he was supposed to be onstage at Willow Creek’s main campus in South Barrington, Illinois, Carter was backstage throwing up. Afterward, he drove home and typed out his resignation letter. Carter recently granted his first interview since resigning, in which he shares a little more about his decision to leave.

“Pat’s story was pretty brave,” Carter told Religious News Service. “I thought, what’s the brave thing I am supposed to do?” Pat Baranowski served as Bill Hybel’s assistant for over eight years. When the New York Times published her story on August 5, which included allegations of sexual harassment by Hybels, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Carter. He could no longer serve in a position of leadership at a church that was initially averse and then woefully slow to respond to allegations of sexual harassment involving Hybels.

The church and its leaders had been dealing with the fallout of an article published in the Chicago Tribune in March, in which multiple women shared their own allegations against Hybels and his alleged sexual misconduct and harassment. Carter had even stood on stage when Hybels denounced the allegations as false and described them as an attempt to ruin his legacy. Now, Carter seriously regrets the agreement with Hybels that his physical presence implied.

He also regrets being on stage for any of the “family meetings” (meetings hosted by the elder board of Willow Creek, designed to communicate to the congregation) that occurred after the Chicago Tribune article broke. Carter wrote in a blog post titled “An Apology” what he believes the church leadership should have done at those meetings: “I believe now that what our church needed initially was to practice transparency and repentance, to grieve, and to reflect on what Jesus was inviting us into and to listen to the Holy Spirit.” Carter also apologized for not doing more to “prevent the hurtful statements that were made” about the women who brought allegations forward.

Steve Carter Moves Forward

The mantra Carter is repeating through this process of moving on from Willow is “Grieve. Breathe. Receive.” RNS reports instead of rushing into a new assignment, Carter is “focusing on his own spirituality and asking God what he should do next.”

Before his resignation, Carter had a book in the works with publisher David C. Cook. That book, the topic of which was to be about his leadership role at Willow, has been sidelined. Carter is now working on another project with David C. Cook titled Everything to Lose: Doing the Right Thing When the Stakes Are High. The book will be released in November and will focus on the reasons he left Willow.

According to the interview with RNS, Carter has also been reaching out to the women who have brought allegations against Hybels. He and his wife, Sarah, have also started a GoFundMe campaign called “We believe you.” The campaign is raising money (the goal is $50,000) to create a counseling scholarship program for “those who have been abused and shamed at the hands of churches and clergy.” The campaign description says 100 percent of the funds raised will go to pay for counseling for those seeking help healing from sexual and power abuse.

For Carter, the scholarship program represents a biblical calling.

We know God’s word invites us to bind up the brokenhearted, defend the oppressed, advocate for the marginalized against the powerful and to partner with Jesus in healing their wounds. One of the most redemptive things we can do as Christ’s followers is to partner with God in the restoration of all things. This includes healing and wholeness in Christ as victims bear witness in a safe environment to the devastating things they have experienced.

In a blog post titled “A Time to Mend,” Carter indicated he and Sarah are doing a lot of praying these days. They are praying for Willow, for those hurt and those who “inflicted pain.” In the post, Carter emphasizes his love for the congregation and the church, which is very apparent he believes is still doing good in the community.

“I think the people of Willow are really strong. They love the church,” he told RNS. “That’s one of the pieces that really breaks my heart.”

11 Ways to Retain Volunteers in Your Ministry

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If you’ve been leading in Children’s Ministry for very long, you’ve probably figured out that one of your best ways to build your volunteer team is to keep the ones you’ve already got! Retaining volunteers is critical to continued health and growth in your ministry.

But sometimes it seems like we’ve got a revolving door with our volunteers, with many coming and going all the time. How do we stop that? In some cases, it’s just going to happen, but in most cases, volunteers leave because there’s some dissatisfaction—or lack of satisfaction, at best—with their involvement. Here are some ways we can offset that and keep the volunteers we have:

11 Ways to Retain Volunteers in Your Ministry

1. Make it matter.

We all are short on time. When we give our time, we want it to matter. The best way to do this with your volunteers is to focus on vision. Recruit them to vision. Talk vision constantly. Guide them toward fulfilling the vision of your ministry.

2. Care about them.

This seems obvious, right? What I’ve experienced and observed, though, is that sometimes we care more about the role they play in our ministry than we care about them as individuals. We need to make sure we know them and care about them as individuals first.

3. Create community.

Creating community can be a big part of caring for our volunteers. As we make sure they are connected, not only to us, but also to others within our ministry, we begin to create unique community with and for them. Creating shared experiences away from the church can play a huge part in creating community with our team. And when someone has shared experiences and feels community with a group of people, they are far less likely to leave.

4. Give them breaks.

Everyone needs a break now and then. My approach to this is two-fold. First, design your volunteer commitments with a built in break. This might be having them take the summer off, or taking the fifth weekend off when a month has five weeks, but you can easily build breaks in to the commitment. Second, I strongly communicate flexibility. I create a system to managing times when volunteers need to be gone, and I communicate that I understand this is OK—life happens!

5. Equip them.

There is really no better way to lose a volunteer than to place them in a role that they don’t know how to do and leave them to figure it out. Design an equipping program that offers basic training/orientation and on-going training through various avenues (in person, online, email, etc.).

6. Solve problems for them.

One of the best and quickest ways to gain influence (leadership) is to solve problems. It’s also one of the best ways retain volunteers. You don’t have to be the one who actually solves the problems, just be the one that makes sure the problem gets solved for your volunteers.

7. Resource them.

One of my pet peeves is ministries that expect volunteers to a) create their own curriculum, b) pay for any supplies they need to do what we ask them to do, and/or c) not offer to reimburse them when they want to do something extra for their kids (within predefined guidelines). If a volunteer refuses reimbursement or insists on purchasing supplies, then great. But don’t make buying stuff necessary to serving in your ministry—some people simply can’t afford it and it won’t be long before they walk.

8. Appreciate them.

It’s amazing how far a simple thank you will go! A simple note of appreciation can do wonders. A pat on the back in the hallway. A shout out in front of their team. A public recognition of over-and-above service. Appreciation goes a long, long way to retaining your team.

9. Tell them stories.

About the parents who told you how much their child likes this volunteer’s class. About the child who never liked coming to church until they got into that volunteer’s class. About the teenager who serves alongside them and seems to really be engaging in their faith now. You get the idea—we love to hear how we are making a difference in people’s lives. Listen for stories, have a method for collecting them, and be intentional about telling your volunteers what you are hearing. You might even ask parents to share their stories with their child’s leaders.

10. Invest in their personal growth.

One of our great privileges as children’s ministry leaders is investing in the personal and spiritual growth of our team. They are there not just to serve, but to grow. When we take time to individually and collectively invest in their lives to help them grow, they appreciate it.

11. Increase their responsibility.

Many times (but not all), volunteers need new challenges, especially those who are more inclined to be leaders. When leaders continue to do the same thing (especially if we’ve brought them in on a pretty basic level), they can get bored. Many people need new and greater challenges, so make sure you identify the ones who are stepping up as leaders and find ways to give them new and great responsibilities in your ministry.

What do you do to retain volunteers in your ministry?

This article originally appeared here.

For more great articles on leading volunteers, check out 25 Best Articles on Leading Volunteers (That Get Them to Stay and Thrive!)

4 Ways to Fight Being a Ministry Workaholic

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Work is a gift, and work ethic resides in men and women of character, but in our idolatry, we can easily make work our god. Pastors have warned me, “Ministry can be a great place to hide out and a great place to burn out.” Ministry can be a haven for the workaholic. In most jobs overwork feels sinful and neglectful, but when serving in ministry, overwork can wrongly feel holy. Ministry can attract workaholics, those who find their worth in their work and can’t walk away from it, and give them a reason to justify their addiction. The strokes and accolades that come to ministry workaholics can add fuel to the addiction.

So how can we fight workaholism in ministry? Because I love the roles I have served in and the people I have been honored to serve alongside, I have experience fighting the temptation to be a ministry workaholic. Here are four ways to engage in that fight:

1. Look at your kids.

Go into your kids’ rooms while they are sleeping, look at them, and pray over them. While you are there, ask yourself if the project you are trying to accomplish will be there for you in 10 years. Ask yourself who will most remember the disappointment of not having your time—the people you are so concerned about disappointing or your kids.

2. Listen to those who have lived before you.

A few years ago, a man 20 years my senior invited me to come speak at an event. It would have been a few days from home and I wanted to do it, but I confessed I was struggling with which events to take because I had such a strong pull to tuck my kids in bed at night. Instead of declining, I asked his advice. I will not forget the reaction of this godly man. As his eyes welled up with tears, he recounted a time when he disappointed his young daughter with an engagement that required travel. He said, “Stay home.” Those who have walked before us can help us evaluate what is most important in the long run.

3. Love your spouse more than your ministry.

Many ministry leaders make their ministry their mistress. The Lord is the One to build His church, not us. We give a horrible example to our ministries if we value them more than our marriages.

4. Return to Jesus. Continually.

The pain in the heart of the ministry workaholic is a longing for affirmation or a longing to accomplish and succeed—to prove himself/herself. You cannot talk yourself out of that pattern. Instead, return to Jesus and receive His approval of you, His affirmation of you. Because of Christ, you are His son or His daughter, and He is well pleased with you.

This article originally appeared here.

A Simple Worship Formula That Improves Each Song You Write

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

More than ever, I believe in the power of songs.

Music narrates our lives. As we’re walking through fire, songs are there to lift us. As we’re celebrating at an altar, music is there to commemorate the moment. As we walk through the pain of loss, songs give us context.

And while it’s quite possible to worship songs themselves and get caught up in the emotional lift of a melody, a great song is a great service to our journeys.

So I’ve really been working hard to improve as a songwriter. Like all skills in life, mastery is never something you arrive at or finish. Everybody can improve.

I’m not interested in the quick fix, the “one take” or the “in the moment” inspiration. I want to write the songs I can’t wait to sing. I want to look forward to every section of the song. I’m not content to write a great chorus and tag some verses and a pre-chorus on. If every section isn’t a “heck yes” it’s not ready.

So I’m getting more picky, more selective, and submitting to a patient process. Which is frustrating. Because it’s harder to finish songs that way. But I’m OK with this. Of the hundreds of songs Keith Getty writes, only a few are truly “successful.” But it’s worth the blood, sweat and tears it takes to wrestle a song to completion.

Another habit I’ve undertaken is to study successful songs. What is it about my favorite songs? Why do I love to sing them? Why do I love to lead them in church? While we hate talking about predictable formulas with worship songs, there are some. There are patterns and strategies that simply “work.” This doesn’t negate the “God” factor in writing. We want to say the things that we hear from him. We want to sing the songs that move His heart.

But we’re not doing anybody any favors if we settle too soon and fail to push a song to its full potential.

So I want to leave you with two filters for pushing your songs to the next level. I guarantee you, if you push your ideas through these filters, your songs will be stronger than ever.

#1: The Theological Filter

The people of God love declaring the truth of God in a compelling way. Think of recent songs like “Cornerstone,” “Living Hope,” “What a Beautiful Name,” “In Christ Alone”  “Resurrecting.”

These songs resonate with people because they are robust in their theology. They don’t rely on cliche and easy rhymes. They actually say something with substance. So filter your song through these questions:

  • How can I make my theology more clear?
  • How can my idea say something deeper, yet with less words?
  • What does the Bible actually say about this?
  • In what ways can I make this more descriptive of Christ and His work on the cross?

Every song we sing creates a theological framework. The challenge here is to cast the net wide and display a massive view of God—his nature, attributes and actions. Don’t settle on what is easy. Dig and when you’ve dug some more, dig even deeper.

There is gold to be found.

#2: The Shocking Filter

Many popular songs have a certain edge to them. They may be saying what other songs have said, but they are unique, different and what I like to call, shocking. Think of songs like “Reckless Love,” “How He Loves” and “Set a Fire.” Of course, by “shocking” I don’t mean a quick and easy “shock factor.” I mean saying something in a unique way that is moving, challenging and/ or bold. Most songs don’t go here, but if they did, they would be far more effective.

“Shocking” also doesn’t have to mean “controversial.” “Shocking” songs can also simply carry a little bit of attitude to them. Songs like “Take Courage,” “Good Good Father” and “Holy Spirit” carry an unreserved boldness to them.

If you’re wanting to apply the “shocking” filter to your songs, ask these questions:

  • “What’s a more unique way I can say what I want to say?”
  • “If I were preaching a sermon on this topic, how would I get my point across?”
  • “If I wanted to stir up faith in my spirit, what would I say?”

Many songs are a combination of both. But the lesson for both is to not settle. Don’t settle for a mediocre song that doesn’t say anything. Write the lyrics that light your heart on fire. Challenge yourself. Be bold.

Let’s talk about it.

How are your songs coming along? What roadblocks are you facing?

This article originally appeared here.

 

Why My Singleness Matters

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

If my life played out according to the plan designed by my childhood dreams, I would be married by now with a couple of kids, a car big enough to transport everyone to the beach, and a mortgage on a cute little Craftsman home.

Instead, I’m single. I have several plants, drive a little Hyundai, and share an apartment with two friends.

I love the life God has given me, even though my circumstances are pretty much the opposite of what I thought they’d be.

But because our God is faithful and kind, He doesn’t lead us through seasons without teaching us lessons of eternal significance along the way. I don’t know all of the reasons behind His design, but I do know that He is using my singleness to direct my affections toward Him.

Here are five things He is teaching me through singleness:

1. Holy longing. My desire for companionship pushes me further into the arms of Jesus, the only One who brings lasting joy and contentment. I long to know His love more. Nothing will ever separate me from the love I have in Christ Jesus.

2.  Relational intentionality. I don’t have a built-in teammate in a spouse, so I must be intentional in pursuing relationships and accountability with other believers. I have rich and deep friendships because I want to engage the relationships I do have and serve the people around me. I want to learn to love well.

3. Reverent submission. I may not have a husband, but I live under the leadership of my Lord. I learn to submit to His good plan for my life and to trust Him more. I learn to offer my single life as an offering of praise.

4. Abiding joy. Joy is not circumstantial. If I base my happiness in the things I don’t have, rather than celebrating the God who gives the good gifts I do have, I miss out. Singleness teaches me to live with a heart of thanksgiving.

5. Eager expectation. Not for the hypothetical day God brings a husband into my life, but for a day in the future when loneliness and wondering will exist no more. A day when I am face-to-face with the Lover of my soul, worshipping and adoring Him forever.

To be heart-level honest, I need the Lord to remind me of these often. I have in no way mastered it all, and some days it’s like I’m starting over. But I trust that if God has ordained I live the single life today, then that is what brings Him the most glory. I (and you) are loved by the King of all kings. Not because of who we are, but because of all that He is. And though some of us may be single, we are never alone.

Singles, what do you think? Pastors, what are your churches doing to support singles?  

This article originally appeared here.

Eight Differences Between Church Giving and Church Dues

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It is amazing to hear how church members view their tithes and offerings to their local churches. Though it’s cliché to say, the attitudes of their hearts reflect the nature of their contributions to the church.

I recently looked at hundreds of comments on this issue on this blog and on Church Answers. The attitudes in which church members gave were easily divided into two categories: church giving and church dues. In simplest terms, church giving is an act where the member lets go of the funds with no reservations. He or she truly gives the money to God through the church. Church dues, though, have strings attached. They are not as much gifts as they are membership dues to receive certain rights and perks.

Look at each of these sets of eight characteristics. You will likely identify most of your givers versus dues payers in your church.

Church Giving

  1. Gifts are given with a heart of gratitude.
  2. The giver never speaks of the funds as “my money.”
  3. The giver has zero expectation of personal benefits from the church in exchange for the funds.
  4. The gifts are viewed by the giver as part of his or her walk of discipleship with Christ.
  5. The giver seeks no recognition, plaques or naming privileges for the funds.
  6. The giver gives with joy.
  7. If the giver has any regrets about the funds, it is that he or she really wants to give more.
  8. The funds are “first fruits.” They are the first amounts taken out of paychecks and other sources of income.

Church Dues

  1. Funds are viewed as membership dues with entitlement benefits.
  2. The giver loves recognition for the funds donated.
  3. The donor withholds funds when something does not go his or her way. Indeed, the person will often attempt to persuade others to do the same.
  4. Money is almost always given with expectations. It is “my money.”
  5. Funds are often given from what is left over rather than first fruits.
  6. 5 Ways Cultivating Relationships Engages DonorsDonor sees money as a right to determine church spending without regard for the rest of the membership.
  7. These donors love to give designated funds since they have more control over “my money.”
  8. Giving to the church is a source of pride for the donor.

What would you add to these lists? Do you have more church giving or church dues?

This article originally appeared here.

Straightening the Cookies: How to Be Fully Present With Students

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Note: The illustration in this post is written tongue in cheek. However, the application of it is quite serious.

So I was in Starbucks today, but left without buying anything. The cashier was in front of the register restocking the cookies in a metal tin. I was standing in her path of sight, so she knew a customer was waiting. The cookies just would not straighten to her liking so she kept working on them, rather than serving the waiting customer. I didn’t get worked up by this, but I did leave without the drink I was craving. If that would be the worst thing I faced today, I think I’m having a pretty good day.

As I was driving away, I got to thinking about that situation and how it relates to other parts of life, including my work in youth ministry. How am I caught straightening the cookies and missing opportunities with students waiting for my attention? At the risk of making too much out of that cookie situation, I think this is kind of important for youth workers to evaluate.

Here’s a small list of ways all of us may be missing the mark (straightening the cookies, rather than helping students):

  • Interrupting a student talking to us to tell a story her words reminded us of
  • Hanging out in the back of the youth room with other leaders during a program instead of experiencing the service with the students
  • Doing anything on our phones while with students, unless it somehow involves them
  • Quietly daydreaming as we drive our students somewhere, when we could be joining in their conversation

Let’s “straighten the cookies” on our own time. When we’re with students, let’s give them our whole attention.

This article originally appeared here.

 

11 Meeting Killers and How to Kill Those Killers

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

As leaders, it seems we spend an inordinate time in meetings. However, we can’t lead well without face time with others. And face time means we must meet with our teams in person. At the same time, an unproductive meeting wastes time and creates frustration. What are some common meeting killers? Consider these 11 and potential solutions for each (some very obvious).

  1. You do more than 25 percent of the talking.
    • Solution: Monitor how much you talk and ask others off-line if they feel like you jabber too much.
  2. Team members regularly jump to conclusions and make pre-mature judgments about what others say.
    • Solution: Train your team that great listeners seek understanding first before being understood (a famous Covey quote).
  3. Some people seldom speak up.
    • Solution: Specifically ask the quiet ones what they think about an issue.
  4. Team members get easily hurt and offended when their ideas aren’t received well.
    • Solution: If a staffer consistently does this, talk off-line and find out what root issues are causing the touchiness.
  5. There is too much happy talk. Seldom do you discuss emotional and/or difficult issues.
    • Solution: Don’t fear difficult conversations. Encourage them. Those can provide some of your greatest leadership learnings.
  6. Someone interrupts to complete somebody else’s sentences when he or she is having a difficult time formulating ideas.
    • Solution: If that happens, ask the person who was cut off if she felt she was able to fully share her thoughts.
  7. Personal stuff comes up that should have been addressed off-line and one on one.
    • Solution: Set expectations annually about how you expect meetings to go. Include the importance of discussing personal issues off-line.
  8. Too many rabbits get chased that have nothing to do with the agenda items.
    • Solution: If you lead the meeting, again, set the expectation that as the meeting leader you have the prerogative to shoot the rabbit.
  9. You try to accomplish too much in a meeting and as a result feel rushed.
    • Solution: Schedule different kinds of meetings…perhaps some need to focus on weekly tactical items while others should focus on just one or two strategic items.
  10. Your meetings are waaaaay too long.
    • Solution: Shorten your meetings. Meetings beyond two to two and a half hours are seldom productive unless you break them up with lunch, dinner or something that isn’t mentally draining.
  11. You don’t start or end your meetings on time.
    • Solution: Start and end on time.

What meeting killers have you seen in your experience? How have you killed those killers?

This article originally appeared here.

Ministering to the Special Needs Mom

thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

According to statistics by the Disability and American Families U.S. Census Bureau Report, one in 26 families is raising children with a disability. An estimated 2.8 million families, 1.3 percent, reported raising two or more children with a disability.

The Gosney house is part of the 2.8 million, as our 22-year old son, Taylor, suffers with severe autism.

When a woman feels called to women’s ministry leadership, she has no idea all the different types of women she will eventually minister to. These statistics indicate that sooner or later a special needs family will likely attend your church. And because you are a women’s ministry leader, your connection will be mostly with the mother—the “glue” that holds the family together.

While all women are different, most special needs moms have several things in common. They are self-sacrificing, often exhausted, and if they are a believer, they are trying to grow in their walk with the Lord in the middle of an unpredictable, even chaotic, life.

When a special needs mother becomes part of your church, you have a wonderful opportunity for ministry! Not only for you, but also for the other women in your church. Yet in order to effectively minister, you must get a grasp on her personal life.

Develop Understanding and Promote Empathy

To gain understanding, you really need to visit her in the home. Ask if you can come to their house when her child is there. Be willing to bring a refreshment so she doesn’t need to wait on you. A small treat for the kids would be wonderful, too; just ask about allergies or diets first. Also make visits when the kids aren’t home—you’ll want to know her woman-to-woman, as well.

Try to discover these things about the family:

  • What are the family dynamics? Do grandparents or other relatives live nearby for support? If the family has little help from extended family members, naturally their need for personal ministry will be greater.
  • Is the family receiving services from special agencies, or are they dealing with their situation without respite providers or outside help?
  • See what other circumstances are creating stress in the family. Is the husband working overtime because the wife is unable to work outside the home? Do you sense financial strain?
  • What emotional and spiritual needs do they have? Ask what their prayer needs are and begin praying and checking in periodically for updates.
  • Is there anyone in the family grappling with child’s diagnosis? Perhaps you can guide them to a Christian counselor or therapist.

The information you gain about the family will be valuable for everyone at church to learn to minister to the family. You won’t be able to meet all their needs, nor should you try. But you can be a conduit of compassion by helping others understand and minister.

How to Include Her in Ministry

Most special needs mothers find attending women’s studies or events hard. Sometimes she may simply be exhausted and unable to get out in the evening. But most stay home for another reason—lack of funds or availability of respite providers.

  • Would her child be able to be supervised with the other kids at church, provided you offered an additional worker to assist with her child? Be aware that an additional worker may need training or guidance from the family.
  • If the child’s disability is such that bringing them to church causes more stress, consider asking the church to sponsor the cost of an in-home sitter.
  • Whenever possible, use church members to either be the sitter or be there in addition to the sitter. This buddy system builds a sense of unity and continually educates the church body on how to watch the child. If the family should have an emergency, different church members are equipped to help.

If she doesn’t show up for Bible study, never assume she’s just lost interest. Check on her to see if she’s OK. Do whatever it takes to help her make up lessons or videos she’s missed. If possible, create a Facebook page to connect all the women in your Bible study. Then the special needs mother can stay updated and feel connected when she’s not there.

Assess Her Spiritual Needs

A special needs mother is a lot like everyone else; she is a work in progress, with her own strengths and weaknesses. Identify some of her areas of weakness and begin ministering to her.

Be aware that your special needs mom may be carrying a lot of hurt that she needs to process. She may have a husband in denial, may feel abandoned, or have “scars” from a bad experience at a previous church. Try to listen and learn from what she tells you. Don’t feel you have to address any bitterness immediately. Instead begin praying for specific things you see and get to know her and build trust. She will respect you and receive your biblical guidance as the relationship progresses.

  • Be willing to meet with her one-on-one to guide her spiritually. Also, connect her with several women who are willing to take turns meeting with her for spiritual growth and support.
  • Creativity with communication is a must. While some people consider texts and emails impersonal, a special needs mom might consider them a lifeline in a busy day. Message her with Scripture, prayer reminders and worship songs. She will love every message even if she cannot respond.

She May Be a Goldmine of Wisdom

As much as you desire to minister to a special needs mother, many are deep women of God who have much to share with others. Due to their inability to be part of the “normal world,” many have learned to lean on God through prayer and listen to Him in their solitude. They may not have huge chunks of time to study Scripture, but if they truly believe the Word, they still grow. Most have realized what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. Their child’s situation has thrust them into a life they never dreamed, and they’ve seen the faithfulness of God with their own eyes.

  • Consider who in your church needs to learn from your special needs mom. Suggest they get to know one another.
  • Think about ways to share your special needs mom’s testimony with your women’s group. If she’s unable to speak before a group, her faith story could be written and shared with the ladies—either as a handout or through your online group.

Whatever you do, don’t become overwhelmed by the process! Special needs moms are some of the most flexible people you’ll meet. If you face roadblocks in your efforts to minister to them, don’t give up. The next thing you try will likely work!

And I’m here for you, too. If you have questions, contact me at gosneypoet@hotmail.com.

This article originally appeared here.

Carrie Underwood Shares About 3 Miscarriages: God ‘heard me’

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Singer Carrie Underwood is expecting her second child. She is overjoyed at this new life growing inside her, but chokes back tears when she talks about the year of difficulty that brought her to this point and recalls the desperate prayers she prayed during that time.

“I feel like for the first time I actually told God how I felt, and I feel like we’re supposed to do that,” Underwood said in an interview with CBS.

Underwood’s just released a new album titled Cry Pretty. She has told her fans the album “speaks to a lot of things that have happened in this past year.”

Carrie Underwood’s No Good, Very Bad Year

Underwood had a very difficult 2017. She told CBS she had a plan for the year that included writing new music and having another baby. Underwood and her husband, NHL player Mike Fisher, already have one son named Isaiah, but they wanted more children. Early in 2017, Underwood was pregnant. She said, “It didn’t work out.” That was her first miscarriage. She says she and her husband figured it just wasn’t God’s timing for them to have another child.

Then, Underwood got pregnant again in the spring. Again, she experienced a miscarriage. To make matters worse, in November, Underwood suffered a fall outside her home in Nashville, Tennessee, that required between 40 and 50 stitches on her face. It took a long time for Underwood to recover from the fall, and an even longer time to come to terms with the miscarriages she was experiencing. The third miscarriage occurred in the beginning of 2018.

Through this walk through the valley, Underwood said she continued working on her music because she figured “I can’t just sit around thinking about this.” Writing was “therapeutic” for Underwood as she was trying to handle the trauma in her personal life.

At the same time she was experiencing these trials, Underwood said she felt as if she couldn’t get angry about the miscarriages. “I had always been afraid to be angry because we’re so blessed,” she explained. Underwood is very thankful for her son, Isaiah, who she describes as “the best thing in the world.” “Really what can I complain about?” the singer asked, when she has an incredible husband, friends, a job she loves and a healthy child.

A Better Year Ahead for Carrie Underwood

During her second pregnancy of 2018, one Saturday night while her husband was away, Underwood thought she was having another miscarriage. She decided to snuggle for a while with her son, Isaiah. She describes sobbing as she prayed like she’d never prayed before. She asked God why he kept allowing her to get pregnant only to lose the baby. She begged him to “shut the door” if he didn’t want her to have another child.

Underwood prayed that desperate prayer on a Saturday night. On Monday, she went to the doctor to verify she had had another miscarriage. To her surprise, the doctor told her everything was all right.

“He heard me,” Underwood said through tears as she recalled the desperate prayer she prayed. She added, “Not that he didn’t hear me before…” The singer is chalking this child up to God’s answer to prayer.

Here are miscarriage quotes of loss for the grieving mother.

6 Ways Watching Pornography Affects Your Mental Health

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Let’s begin with what should be an obvious point: There is no exclusive, causative correlation between viewing pornography and poor mental health. Meaning there are many individuals who do not view pornography and have mental health struggles. Further, it would be entirely inappropriate to work backward from a mental health struggle to deduce that it is caused by the viewing of pornography.

The question this post poses—how does viewing pornography impact someone’s mental health?—is a contributive question, not a causative one. We want to consider, does the habit of viewing pornography add to or detract from the quality of someone’s mental health?

A second clarification is also needed. This post is not trying to make a moral argument (implying that pornography is wrong because it has a negative impact on mental health). Wrongness is determined by whether an action aligns with God’s character and design. That is a more important, but separate, issue from the question of this article. An action can be immoral and have no negative mental health effects. As far as we know, taking the Lord’s name in vain (violating the third of the Ten Commandments; Exodus 20:7) does not have any negative mental health effects.

An intended benefit from this reflection is the realization that God’s abstain for lust-based entertainment (Matthew 5:27-30) is an act of love; a means of protection intended to promote our flourishing, not a means of punishment to deprive us from something good. Too often the view we have of God as we think about pornography is as Him being against us and our joy instead of for us and our flourishing.

Now to the title of this post: What are six ways that pornography affects our mental health? Each of the effects below is a common “side effect,” if you will, of viewing pornography that has a negative influence on mental health. The degree of impact each point has on a given individual will vary from person to person for a variety of reasons.

1. Guilt

No one feels as if viewing pornography is noble. Yes, there are teenagers who believe viewing pornography is “grown up” and may brag about it, or older individuals who view it as “necessary” or “common” and downplay the unrest in their soul. But no one feels like they have done a “virtuous-honoring thing” when they finish viewing pornography.

The result is a sense of guilt—an innate sense that what was done was bad. Guilt is produces a decline in mental health and the physiological changes from guilt in the brain can be neurologically demonstrated.

For a highly habituated activity like viewing pornography the options are clear: (a) turn off or dull the conscience to remove the sense of guilt, or (b) abstain from the guilt-provoking activity. The first option only further contributes to other choices that would further deteriorate mental health.

2. Social Distance/Shame

The first point has to do with a sense of distance in our relationship with God. This point emphasizes the impact on our social relationships.

A common experience of viewing pornography is carrying a secret. Secrets create distance. We are left wondering “what would you think of me if you knew.” The result is that even our closest friendships begin to feel superficial or fake.

The depth and quality of our friendships are a significant factor in our mental health. Activities that lower the quality or number of our friendships have a negative influence on our mental health.

3. Crude-Depersonalizing Socialization

People (i.e., actors or models) in pornography are not people to the viewer; they are a collection of features or objects of satisfaction. In a pornographic world people are not heard, assisted and loved. People are evaluated, ranked and consumed. When hours are spent immersed in this world, these values begin to seep in.

The logic is pretty clear, “If that is what I’m doing with everyone else, it must be what everyone else is doing with me. If I don’t rank, I don’t matter. I must associate with people who rank higher than I do, in order to improve my rank. Life is a sport and there are far more losers than winners.”

The result is that it becomes increasingly difficult to see individuals as people with innate value. Instead, people are a collection of assets (height, weight, complexion, humor, power, etc…) each of which can be added together to determine their value. Living under this pressure and/or treating people this way has negative impact on one’s mental health.

4. Avoiding Unpleasant Emotions

One of the primary motives for viewing pornography is to reduce or relieve stress. A passive approach to stress management results in an under-developed capacity for managing unpleasant emotions. The less equipped we are to withstand unpleasant emotions, the more overwhelming each experience of anxiety, depression or other distress becomes.

Add to this the idyllic narratives that are pervasive in pornographic material (the viewer always identifying with the central, pursued character) and the person who regularly views pornography is further conditioned to believe that the day-to-day, normal conflict in life and relationships are unbearable.

One important measure of mental health is our capacity to be resilient in the midst of unpleasant emotions or circumstances. Pornography detracts from this capacity both by serving as an escape from healthily processing unpleasant emotions and reinforcing the belief that these stresses should not exist.

From Maternity to Puberty: Why Salvation Is Always Going to Be Something of a Mess

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I was a skeptic once, although not about religion. God wasn’t a mystery just yet, but girls certainly were. In the third grade, I became convinced that those long-haired aliens must have crashed into earth’s orbit from a galaxy far, far away.

I then heard the most absurd thing in Sunday School: God created Eve to be a helper! This was entirely contrary to my experience, because none of the girls I knew were at all helpful. They even refused to join in our daily burping contest at recess, calling it gross.

And so I struggled with my first bout of agnosticism. Maybe God had made a mistake. “Helper? Not in a million years!”

My skepticism lasted until the sixth grade, when, ironically, my incredulity was instantly transformed into idolatry. It was befuddling. I learned that a 10-year-old boy was no match for the power of puberty even though I had a green belt in karate.

I, who had once scoffed at the very idea of love, was now at its altar. My sweltering agnosticism turned into Jell-O-pudding and I found myself undone. From then on, my whole reason-for-being was split into two simple functions: (1) getting a girlfriend, and (2) everything else.

With the wisdom of hindsight, I learned that my assumptions in third grade said more about my ignorance than about the laws of human nature. This is how I went from being a skeptic to a worshipper.

Likewise, many in our culture today are going through a similar voyage in their faith journey. We might call it a “passage through spiritual puberty,” except they just don’t know it yet. Jesus said on one occasion that we must be born again spiritually to enter the kingdom of heaven, and on another, he said that we must become like little children.

This is both good and bad news for the church, but mostly bad. If salvation can be compared to birth and puberty, then salvation is always going to be something of a mess.

To continue with the analogy, evangelism then becomes more like changing diapers and counseling defiant teens than anything else. And perhaps this is why the most powerful image of the heart of God can be found in the parable of the prodigal son.

The faulty attitude the church has toward evangelism today is the result of a theological distortion that divides the church and the world into an “us” and a “them.” Perhaps this is the result of identity politics, or perhaps it is because of the tribal thinking that permeates our culture today.

It is certainly not biblical. The prodigal son narrative presents no such dichotomy. The characters are certainly different and conflicted, but they’re still part of the same family. What then can we do? How can we reframe those theological distortions that are influenced more by tribal thinking than by the heart of God?

First, let’s embrace the gospel vertically. By that I mean trying to see the gospel from the perspective of heaven. When we go first to our Abba, our theological vision is realigned, and our ministry praxis is reoriented. The gospel according to God is vastly different from ours. The Father does not categorize.

There are no liberals or conservatives, blue states or red states. There aren’t even Christians or atheists. He sees only Lost and Found. These are the only labels that heaven counts. What do we count? How do we keep tally? Does it reflect Abba’s heart, or something else?

We once lost our 4-year-old son in Disneyland, and not once did we call out his political preferences (although he feels very strongly that the Rock Dwayne Johnson would make a good president). Nor did we call out his religious beliefs.

No. We called out his name until we found him. Similarly, from God’s perspective, evangelism flows organically from relationship. There is no other way the gospel can make sense.

The gospel requires an emotional response; it’s not a moral obligation. This is why sometimes doing evangelism can feel plastic and cliché: Instead of looking for lost family members, it feels more as if we are repeating lines from an infomercial. We should be engaging others around the gospel because our hearts are changed and we are compelled to do it out of care for others.

God calls us by our names—not our political affiliations, religious beliefs or by our favorite ice cream favors. It is only when we begin to embrace the gospel from a vertical perspective that the us-verses-them divide dissolves and a love for God’s family is reborn.

Second, let’s embrace the prodigals as they are and where they are. My 11-year-old son ran away from home for eight hours recently because we had grounded him indefinitely and taken away his iPhone. He protested that the crime did not fit the punishment. It was an infinite consequence for a finite offense, he complained.

Yes, he is a bit of a smart aleck, and yes, we’re working on it. In a loosely parallel case, Luke tells us in the parable of the prodigal son how the younger son asks for his inheritance before his father passes away. This is the Jewish equivalent of wishing your father were dead so that you can have his money.

Let’s not have a fit every time the world acts like the world and behaves like a bunch of rowdy teenagers. I haven’t met a teen who hasn’t rebelled against their parents or challenged their authority. Then why do we think spiritual adolescents would be any different? We can arduously study apologetics or even perfect our gospel pitch, but the problem is not just our theology, it is our ontology.

The lack of congruence between our values and our lives end up imploding our witness.

My son really changed after he came home. He said he didn’t expect to be embraced by my wife and I, both of us in tears. He expected a scolding and judgment.

When he received kindness instead, he knew in his heart that there really is no place like home. The point is that if we can begin to see prodigals as spiritual adolescents, then perhaps we can begin to embrace them as they are and where they are. Adolescence is disorienting and awkward. There are a lot more questions than there are answers, and spiritual puberty is just like that.

So rather than fighting to win the battle of behavior, we must fight to win the battle of the heart, for it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance.

This article originally appeared here.

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