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Why Sharing Stories Is So Important in Small Groups

By
Mike Mack
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Helping people in our churches, classes and small groups understand and experience God’s grace is vital. What is the best way to teach and, better yet, experience this fundamental doctrine?

Use stories, says Kyle Idleman.

In a recent interview for CT Pastors, Kyle Rohane and Andrew Finch talked with Idleman, teaching pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, about his new book, Grace is Greater (published by BakerBooks; also available as a small group study, pastor’s kit, leader’s guide, and journal).

“We have found that an effective way to help people experience grace is by telling stories,” Idleman says. “It’s not difficult to find biblical examples. In the Gospels, Jesus didn’t use the word grace, he didn’t give a long theological explanation of it, but his whole earthly ministry was marked by stories of grace.”

Idleman says the church is learning to be more intentional about vulnerability, and he explains the important difference between vulnerability and authenticity. Vulnerability, he says, is being honest about our struggles. Authenticity is no longer pretending, but vulnerability is revealing.

“When we ask someone to give a testimony about, say, a health struggle,” says Idleman, “we tell them not to feel like they have to have the whole thing wrapped up. It doesn’t have to be a happily-ever-after story. Instead, we ask them to be honest about the journey, to share why it’s hard and where they feel like God has let them down. That takes things further than authenticity.”

Idleman discusses how this plays out in small groups. “It takes just one person being a little bit vulnerable, pulling back the veil a little, for everyone else to do the same thing,” he says. “If people are going around the room and sharing their stories, and someone shares a struggle or a challenge they’re going through, just watch. The rest of the room will join in.” But he points out that if people share only superficial stories and refuse to go deeper, they will set the tone for the rest of the group as well.

“As a pastor,” says Idleman, “I want to set that temperature so others will want to celebrate their weakness. In doing so, we will point to the beauty of God’s grace.”

______

Quotes and information excerpted from, “Kyle Idleman: God Never Wastes What We Go Through” in Christianity Today,’s “CT Pastors.”

This article originally appeared here.

If You Know a Christian Hypocrite, Help Them Stop Doing These 5 Things

By
Jarrid Wilson
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If you know a Christian hypocrite or two (or you can look and the mirror and see one), please help them stop doing these 5 things.

1. A Christian hypocrite tells people “I’ll pray for you” without actually praying for them.

Guilty as charged. I can’t think of anybody who hasn’t done this at one time or another. And while most of us don’t actually mean to forget, it’s probably best that we just set aside time on the spot to pray for people. Are we really so busy that we can’t stop and pray for someone’s needs? We need to make sure we are fulfilling our duties as Christians and actually follow through with them. One prayer could be the tipping point to someone coming to know the love of God. Don’t miss the opportunity to speak life into someone because you don’t think you have time.

2. A Christian hypocrite attends church on Sunday, but ignores God’s voice the rest of the week. 

Ouch! This one stings a little. Many of us get in the habit of making God just another addition to our weekly check-list, but the reality is that our entire lives should revolve around him. God deserves #1 priority in each of our lives, and to treat him any differently would go against the foundations of the Christian faith. Evaluate the way you are spending your time, money and energy. If you want to see a change in your life then you need to begin giving God the place of honor he deserves. Stop treating God like the last kid picked in doge-ball.

3. A Christian hypocrite prays for God’s provision when we have yet to use what he has already provided.

Way too many of us tend to treat God like a personal genie. Prayer was given to us as an open line of communication between us and God, but the harsh reality is that way too many of try to use it like a drive-thru at a fast-food restaurant. You don’t get to pick and choose the way God provides, but you do get the opportunity to trust his plan and have faith in his promises. I can’t begin to explain how many times I’ve ignored God’s provision because it wasn’t wrapped the way I intended it to be. Every time we purposely ignore God’s provision, we are indirectly telling him, “I don’t trust your plan.”

4. A Christian hypocrite tries to be so relevant that we actually hurt the message of Jesus. 

There is nothing wrong with trying to be relevant, but we need to understand that there is a BOLD line between being trendy, and then completely disfiguring the message of Jesus. We can’t expect to bring any change to the world when we don’t look any different from it. I’m a firm believer that Jesus came to reclaim culture and not abolish it, but this doesn’t mean we need to water down His message so that it’s easier to swallow.

5. A Christian hypocrite tells people that “God will never give you anything you can’t handle.” 

Why should we stop saying this? Because it’s a lie. … We’ve completely twisted 1 Corinthians 10:13, as this verse is pointing toward temptation, and even then it states God will be there if things get too tough. The reality is that God just might give us things we can’t handle so that we will gaze toward him for the extra help. Mind blowing right? Realize that not everything is going to go the way you plan, think or hope. Sometimes stuff is going to hit the fan, and in order for you to get through it, you are going to NEED to rely on God’s comfort, peace and understanding. We weren’t meant to do life alone.  

Five Reasons a Wave of Revitalization Is Likely

By
Thom Rainer
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In my post on Monday, I asserted that a revitalization wave is about to come to our churches, and I am really serious and optimistic about it. In that article, I shared how churches will be impacted from a high-level perspective. In this post, I will explain why I see this major trend on the horizon.

I began with the total number of churches in North America, about 350,000. For many reasons, we can’t get a precise number, but I believe our estimates are close.

In the article Monday, I also stated that 300,000, or 85 percent, of all churches needed some level of revitalization, from modest to radical revitalization. In our research we released a year ago, we found that 65 percent of churches were declining or plateaued. Based upon our interactions with other congregational leaders, we see about another 20 percent of churches with modest but declining growth rates. The sum of those two is thus 85 percent.

Here is where I take a contrarian position compared to many others, including positions I have held in the past: Of the 300,000 churches in need of revitalization, 100,000 will revitalize organically or internally, and another 100,000 will be revitalized through replanting. It’s a bold assertion, but something that could very well unfold over the next five to ten years.

Why I am optimistic? Am I in a state of denial? Bear with me as I share five reasons for the likelihood of a wave of revitalization.

  1. Thousands of church leaders are facing reality. They are not denying the difficult state of their churches. This awareness is the first step toward revitalization. Admittedly, some of these leaders are at the stage of desperation, but even that stage is a major step toward facing reality. As I shared on Monday, I have been amazed how church leaders are utilizing our Church Health Report™ to help them understand reality.
  2. Revitalization has become a prominent topic among church leaders. It is openly discussed among church leaders and members, denominational leaders, and network leaders. This discussion and openness is moving these organizations to action and solutions. We will be announcing in two months the launch of a new nonprofit network, Revitalize Network, for the purpose of bringing churches to work together toward revitalization.
  3. Church replanting has become accepted, even normative. I can remember just a few years ago when no one mentioned church replanting. I have been grateful for the huge emphasis on church planting for many years. Now I am equally grateful to see a wave of interest and action toward church replanting.
  4. The multisite movement is instrumental in the revitalization and replanting movement. Multisite churches are key to this movement. They have been the primary vehicles for church replanting. We are years ahead of where we would be otherwise without multisite churches.
  5. We are seeing more and more a movement of prayer in our churches. If this revitalization continues on its current trajectory, it will not be powered by the latest methodologies and acts of men and women. It will be because God has chosen to revitalize our churches. He is the power of revitalization. There is a growing movement of prayer in our congregations, an indication of the work of God. As the prayer movement grows, church revitalization grows.

These are paradoxically the most challenging days and the most hopeful days for many of our congregations. Let us know if we can do anything for you and your churches as we move toward a movement of revitalization. It is my honor and joy to serve you.

Let me hear from you.

This article originally appeared here.

3 Ways to Make Bible Engagement Easier

By
Chris Swain
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I remember the very first book I read. It was an old pulp novel from the 1980s. I was in trouble for something and my mother handed it to me just before doling out my punishment: grounded for a week. Little did I know then that this was the perfect storm leading me toward a voracious appetite for reading. I had a week suddenly free of distraction. I had an interesting book. And I had plenty of alone time.

So I read and I did not stop reading until the book ended. Although the quality of this particular novel was certainly suspect, it helped me move from being a non-reader to an avid reader. When I became a believer a few years later, this appetite for reading did not translate to reading the Bible. I would read all kinds of books about the Bible. I would read all kinds of books by Christian authors. But there was something about the Bible that made it more difficult for me to engage. As every believer knows, the Word of God is not just a book. Reflect on Hebrews 4:12:

“For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 (CSB)

The more we read the Word the more the Word reads us. And this process is much more life-changing than reading any novel or biography or self-help book. It’s the living Word of God. So how can we make reading the Bible easier. That is not to say we should dumb down our reading or treat it as an assignment. But how do we engage with scripture so that we develop into consistent readers and doers of the Word? Here are three ways to make bible engagement easier:

Follow a Doable Plan.

If you are like me, perhaps you have tried to read through the Bible in a year. An admirable goal to be sure. While some are able to make it happen, many simply get lost in the wilderness around Leviticus a few months into the plan. The last thing we want to do is become a box checker, skimming pages of the Bible as we try to succeed with a rigorous goal. But having a plan doesn’t have to be difficult. What we need is a doable plan. A doable plan will look different for different people. If you don’t struggle at all with reading consistently, then maybe a read through the Bible in a year five chapter a day plan is best for you. For the rest of us, a plan to read less and digest more is the perfect way to ensure we succeed. The reality is that we rarely apply the little we do know about the Word. So having a plan that is a chapter or two a day doesn’t mean we won’t be impacted as much as those who read several chapters a day. The truth is, we could read the same sentence in the Word every day for a week, and the depths of God’s Word would continue to grow as we engage with it more. Regardless of your plan, the goal is that you have one. Find one that works for you and follow it.

Take Advantage of Tech.

There are ups and downs to technology, but one of the wins is that there are a ton of Bible reading apps. Whether you want a Bible app like YouVersion, or a study Bible with commentary like the CSB Study Bible app, or a journaling app for sharing your readings with others like the Replicate app, you have tons of options! As an auditory learner, I prefer having the Bible read to me. Many Bible apps support this feature and have zero cost. You can listen to Scripture as you get ready for your day, during your daily commute, or even as a family together after supper. There are plenty of ways to engage the Word with technology, find what works for you and implement.

Don’t Go It Alone.

Bible reading is much easier when you are on the journey with others. You might be surprised at how effective positive peer pressure to read the Bible is when you have committed to joining others in the process. Sometimes it is the only thing that motivates me to read on a particular day when I am tired, running behind, and have so many other things to do. I have found that having a group of guys who hold me accountable to reading has increased my reading exponentially. But they also help make reading easier. There’s just something about helping each other stay accountable that results in me picking up my Bible or listening to the Scriptures as I head into work. Like anything, accountability encourages and spurs us on, but I also believe it makes the process simpler as it forms into a habit over time. It is more difficult to journey through the Word on your own. Find a group of two or three people who will read, share and hold you accountable as you engage with God’s Word.

Reading the Bible doesn’t have to be hard, but we all struggle with this discipline from time to time. By finding a doable plan, taking advantage of technology, and journeying together with others, we can make it easier. And as we engage with the Word, God works in and through us to impact our world for the Gospel.

This article originally appeared here.

Church Small Groups and New Visitors

By
Jay Sandt
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I’m reminded of a blog entry by Seth Godin where he talks about two different organizational models. He discusses for-profit industries, but the organizational concepts are the same for any organization. One model is easy and straightforward where you get paid for your creation or service. The other model, which Seth goes into more detail, discusses organizations that attempt insanely difficult missions. When these organizations succeed, they’re the organizations people look to as the true leaders in their respective areas; like Dave Ramsey, Rick Toone, Henry Ford, and Rollin Thurlow. He ends his blog entry with this question:

‘How do we do something so difficult that others can’t imagine doing it’?

All organizations and their processes can take two paths — the easy or hard path. Let’s elaborate on these two paths:

Easy Path – the easy path is the one that is often mimicked, mass-produced, or copied by others very quickly and little changes. The organization implements a process from another organization — like visitor assimilation. This path is incredibly competitive as other organizations are doing the same thing and nothing is unique. When organizations try to copy a way of doing things, then the pool of potential people gets smaller. Why? Because each organization is going after the same pool of people, using the same method. Additionally, no single process can capture every person where complex human relationships are concerned. Why is this important? Because most churches fall into a trap of mimicking what another church is doing, in faith, that people will just start coming to them in [droves]. Rarely does this happen — if ever.

Hard Path – the hard path is where organizations focus on the organization’s uniqueness and how it can best form new relationships with people — either new visitors or long-time attendees. It uses its strengths to its advantage to build stronger relations with the people already in small groups or participating in other areas of the church family. Building relationships with people that are coming to church is definitely a longer, slower and more involved path when human relationships are involved. While this method may take more time, it pays off in huge dividends when educating people within your organization. Why? When relationships are formed and kept, then information about your organization spreads via word of mouth. When more people spread the word about the unique strengths of the organization, the pool of people becomes larger. People, from all walks of life, learn about your organization and want to be part of its mission, whatever that may be — discipling new people, missionaries, local community volunteerism, and much more.

Is your church going down the hard path by doing something so incredibly difficult, like building long-lasting relationships, that others wouldn’t even dream of trying? Or are they trying to use some replicated process in hopes that they grow larger — the easy path?

When it comes to building relationships, every church should develop their own processes, as no one knows better how to reach people in your neighborhood better than you. Software should facilitate different follow-up processes for visitation, small groups, staying connected, human relationships, and assimilation. Church management software, like IconCMO, gives you more than one way to have people flow through your organization instead of one process to use like the church down the road.

– From Icon Systems

A Challenge to Create Word Pictures with Meaning Instead of Banal, Trivial, and Mostly Useless Content

By
Yvon Prehn
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Word pictures, inspirational sayings, wise and funny quotes are all over the internet. I imagine your Facebook feed and every other social media site you visit is full of them. Instead of mindlessly reading and passing them on, we can do better — we can use this opportunity to create word pictures that share Scripture and challenge people to live godly lives. First I’ll rant a little more about the problem and then present a very fun and easy solution to it.

The junk that clogs social media

We’re told pictures get passed on and short text is read and there is some truth to these statements. But whatever the reason, social media is clogged with images and short statements. Here are a few from my Facebook feed today…….

I have lost my mind and am making no effort to look for it.

Hey you, yes you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect.

Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.

Though these sentiments may have a tiny modicum of humor or inspiration in them, at best they are dryer dust to the mind — useless fluff that clogs coherent thinking processes. At worst, some are flat-out biblically wrong and dangerous thinking for a Christian who wants to grow in Christ.

What isn’t helpful to anyone who wants to grow as a disciple of Jesus

I feel like an out-of-touch shrew in commenting on this, but constant repetition of unbiblical sentiments isn’t a harmless, trivial thing. Our life is shaped by what we look at and think about. Here is one example of how this can have a negative effect on our spiritual growth.

The many variations of “We are perfect,” as quoted in the sample above, constantly come up to assure us it’s OK to eat too much, be mean if we feel like it, and continue in whatever other habit we know we ought to change.

It’s obvious that we aren’t perfect. We never will be in this life. At the same time our Savior expects us to work on perfection, our growth in Christ, and progressive sanctification. The biblical term “perfect” or “perfection” has the meaning of completeness and maturity, and though the Lord is always there to help and forgive when we fail, we are expected to strive toward this goal. From the Old Testament command to Abram:

And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect. Gen. 17:1, KJV

To the New Testament commands:

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matt. 5:48, NIV

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Rom. 12: 2, NIV

It isn’t OK to tell ourselves we are perfect as we are and to pass on quotes that encourage people to smother realistic guilt that can motivate change.

Even if many of the quotes are not as blatantly false from a biblical perspective as this one is, they certainly do not fit into the command to think about “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Phil.4:8, NIV)

To compound the challenges, not only do people read this junk, but they comment on it, praise it, and pass it on to others.

Are there no alternatives?

That’s the question I asked myself and of course there are — sometimes a true and worthwhile quote comes up. But there needs to be more and I wanted to come up with a way for people to create Word Pictures like these easily and to post worthwhile and true thoughts (many great quotes from Christian writers) and Bible passages. After trying various ways to create these, and there are many, the one I liked the best, is to create them using PicMonkey. I like this program because it has the ability to create good-looking backgrounds and put great-looking type on them easily and cheaply (for free if you don’t mind some advertising on the system).

PicMonkey is a funny little program. It started out as a photo editing one and one for adding special effects to photos, but it has matured into a really great program that allows you to create good-looking Word Pictures. The interface is unique, but not difficult. What I like most about it is that the typefaces available in the program work quite well for word pictures and if you don’t have an image you want to superimpose them on you can create a variety of special backgrounds from within the program.

For more to help you create church communications that will help your church fully fulfill the Great Commission, go to: http://www.effectivechurchcom.com

Tamar Listens to Psalm 61: A Reflection on the Impact of Misused Spiritual Authority

By
Brad Hambrick
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The context of Psalm 61 requires some explanation. Most scholars believe[1] the Psalm was written while David was on the run for his life from his son Absalom (II Samuel 15:13-37). Absalom had killed his brother Amnon for raping their sister Tamar (II Samuel 13:1-33). Absalom killed Amnon after David, his father, did nothing to defend or seek justice for Tamar (II Samuel 13:37-39). When David did not seek justice for the murder of Amnon, Absalom saw his father as weak and began to lay the ground work for a coup (II Samuel 14:1-15:12). Again, even knowing of Absalom’s actions, David did nothing and so abused his spiritual authority.

Psalm 61: Misused Spiritual Authority

The purpose of this post is not to criticize David as a father, although there is ample evidence that there were significant deficits in this area of his life. The purpose of this post is to reflect on the experience of Tamar, who would have doubtlessly heard Psalm 61 sung in the temple as an account of David’s trials and God’s deliverance. But it will take us a moment to get to this point.

Pause: In light of this probable context, read Psalm 61. What are your impressions? What would your response be if you spoke with a father in David’s situation and this is how he summarized his situation?

To get to Tamar’s experience, we must examine David’s level of self-awareness and the desire of Israel to believe David’s account of history. In getting to know David, we realize that he was given to self-deception; notice how blind his heart was when he sexually assaulted Bathsheba in multiple ways (spying on her while bathing and sending messengers—palace guards—to bring her to him for sex; II Samuel 11:1-4) and the subsequent follow up (resulting in him murdering Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband; II Samuel 11:14-17). It took a confrontation from the prophet Nathan to get him to acknowledge these sins and their effects (II Samuel 12:1-23).

Notice that all of the passages listed are five consecutive chapters in II Samuel. The author of II Samuel is tying these events together.

Notice also that David had sought no justice for Tamar as Deuteronomy 22:25-27 would require. This would have been David’s obligation as king. Furthermore, based on Absalom’s reaction, we are left to believe that David did not even punish Amnon as father. Then David’s passivity toward Amnon led to his threat from Absalom. The most striking aspect of David’s response and how he handled his spiritual authority is his indifference. When, as a king, David did nothing, the people around him were powerless to act. Tamar was invisible and ignored. Tragedy follows. David’s spiritual authority and political authority made his indifference have graver consequences.

It was the threat of Absalom, not the rape by Amnon, which Tamar heard as the center of David’s prayer as he ran for his life. David makes himself the central character in this story. David is the victim, not Tamar. All of Israel is singing along. David is praying for his life and throne which are at risk because his actions (or inaction), not his daughter’s trauma and pain which were no fault of her own.

David again—just like with Bathsheba—doesn’t get it. How much does he not get it? David was praying about his “vows” to God, which he thinks he’s kept (v. 5), and asking God to be for him a rock, refuge and strong tower (v. 2-4). The very things David had failed to be for Tamar as her father. This is the refrain that David was asking Israel to sing about him and subsequent kings for generations to come (v. 6-7). David thinks he is still being faithful to his “vows” as king as he writes the psalm (v. 8). Israel affirms this as they sing along.

Could you imagine being Tamar listening to this Psalm? I can imagine her crying out, “Where is Nathan to awaken my father’s conscience this time?”

I write this post with no sense of condescension toward David. David was “a man after God’s own heart” (I Samuel 13:14) but not a man who had arrived at God’s heart. There is no deceptiveness in David’s heart for which my heart is not capable (Jeremiah 17:9-11). That should humble us all.

We cannot emotionally distance ourselves from these kinds of atrocities. How often, in our day, when a great spiritual leader fails morally do we mourn their fall, pray for their restoration, and forget those affected by their actions when they abused their spiritual authority? In the leaders’ pain, they invite us to mourn and pray as they experience the consequences of their actions as threats to their wellbeing.

But before we go further with our need for humility, let’s not leave Tamar’s experience behind. Too often, we leave the experience of the abused behind when we see something about ourselves that needs to change.

Discerning Your Next Ministry Move

By
Mark Dance
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Some of you may be worried that I am writing this post to you or about you. Yes, I definitely am.

We all have a call to follow and want to hear clearly from God. This time of year in particular is flush with requests for resumes and recommendations. Perhaps it is because we are fast approaching the end of our school and church calendar year.

It is normal to wonder if you are ready to move on to the next ministry assignment. Nobody wants to stay too long or leave too early, so we end up playing resume roulette by dropping hints and resumes. It is impossible to always resist the occasional ministry wanderlust. The next time you find yourself daydreaming about a better church in a better location, keep this in mind:

  • Sometimes finding God’s will is easy, but usually it is not.
  • Sometimes our current ministries are fulfilling, but sometimes they are naturally frustrating.
  • Sometimes search committees are awesome, but most are awkward, if not downright awful.

If you have recently pulled up to the proverbial traffic light to ask God for discernment about your next ministry move, you are wise to proceed with caution. You are understandably asking the Lord to give you a green light to GO, or a bright red light to STAY. What are you going to do when Jesus gives you an unbearably boring yellow light to WAIT?

The next time you pull up to a ministry yellow light, consider these options.

Accelerate before the light changes.

You can ignore everybody and just put your pedal to the metal. Some ministers get so frustrated and exhausted by their ministries that they do not want to wait for the light to change colors. If that describes you, I implore you to resist the temptation to play resume roulette. Instead, forge some time this summer to deepen your walk with Jesus. Rest in him until your soul is restored. Make sure your identity is tied more to the Groom than his Bride. If you expect a church to fill a void in your life that God has already filled, you are are in for more disappointment.

Honk mercilessly at the other cars.

Yellow lights are important, but temporary. As you wait on God’s direction, guard your heart and tongue from burning bridges with those around you. Discerning God’s will is a tough spiritual discipline. I assure you it won’t help to rush or push others as you wait on the light to change.

A foolish heart publicizes stupidity. (Proverbs 12:23, CSB)

Turn around and go home.

Finding God’s will is rarely fast or fun, so some just react by quitting. That may bring you short term relief, but you will certainly regret a hasty exit later.

I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with my eye on you, I will give counsel. (Psalms 32:8, CSB)

I recently spent a season of prayer and fasting about a tempting ministry opportunity, which I ended up passing on. I do not enjoy fasting—at all—but it works! Fasting with prayer is God’s proven cure for spiritual attention deficit, as well as spiritual immaturity.

Slow down and wait for the light to change.

Your ministry yellow light this summer might just be God calling you to himself afresh. My season of prayer ended with a flood of peace that I will never forget. I came to a much greater appreciation for God’s gifts and calling on my life. I pray that you will find that same peace as you try to discern your next ministry move.

You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you. (Isaiah 26:3, CSB)

The original article appeared here.

The “Why” for Every Sexual Question

By
Juli Slattery
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When children reach the age of two, they begin asking a question they never stop asking. Why? If you are parenting a young child, you are faced with endless why questions. Why do I have to go to bed so early? Why do I have to eat brussel sprouts? Why do you have to go to work? Why does he get more pizza than I do? Why can’t I drive the car?

In their exhaustion, some parents defer to the age old response to every why question. Because I said so! This answer is not very satisfying to a child, no matter their age. In truth, it’s not very satisfying to us as adults either.

In my ministry, I still get asked why questions. Why should I save sex for marriage? Why would God care about two men getting married? Why is it a big deal to look at porn? Why should I stay in an unhappy marriage? Unfortunately, we typically defer to the age-old cop out in response to these questions as well. Because God said so. There are bumper stickers and plaques reinforcing the idea that “God said it, I believe it, and that settles it!”

God created us as rational creatures who long for the answers to our why questions. Certainly, there are some situations in which we simply cling to faith and trust God in spite of never understanding the why. However, God is a wise parent who often gives us a why. There is a reason why sexuality matters and why every sexual issue has spiritual significance.

The why for every sexual question is found in this truth: God intentionally created our sexuality as a powerful metaphor for His covenant love.

Everything God has created for us here on earth has a spiritual purpose, revealing something about God. Our sexuality was intentionally created as a holy symbol or analogy reflecting how God loves us. Throughout the Scripture, the one-flesh union of marital sex, sexual infidelity and sexual immorality are used as pictures to describe Christ’s relationship with the church and our call to be faithful to our covenant with God.

Practically we experience this connection through our own lives in three ways.

  1. Sexual desire invites us to pursue covenant. Our bodies remind us that we were not meant to be alone. Sexual desire is not a bad thing! Although it may lead us to temptation and sin, God has given us sexual desire to remind us that we were made for love. Our romantic and sexual longings compel us not just to have sex, but to pursue covenant. We were created for more than a hookup; we were created for committed love and intimate knowing. Spiritually, you were not created to be alone. God invites you into a covenant, eternal relationship with Him, promising that we can never be separated from His love when we trust in Christ Jesus.
  2. Sexual intimacy is the celebration of covenant. Having sex within marriage is a physical way of celebrating the vows we made within marriage. Sexual intimacy within marriage is, in some ways, similar to a sacrament. We physically give each other our bodies in such a vulnerable and passionate way, mirroring how we have vowed our entire lives to each other. Sexual intimacy within symbolizes that our intimacy with God is meant to be passionate and vulnerable, and it requires giving of ourselves.
  3. Sexual fidelity is the promise of covenant. The greatest call within marriage is faithfulness. Broken vows are a tragedy and create waves of pain. The despair of broken vows and sexual betrayal is a metaphor of the spiritual reality of breaking our covenant with God.

When we think about sexuality or have sexual questions, we need to view these through the filter of remembering the significance of this spiritual metaphor. This is the why…why sexual intimacy is reserved for the covenant of marriage, why male and female matters, why sex is under such spiritual attack in our world, and why it’s worth it to pursue sexual integrity and sexual healing.

In Ephesians 5:21-33, Paul makes a direct connection between marriage and the one-flesh intimacy between husband and wife as a reflection of Christ and the church. Paul says this is a “mystery,” which means we can’t grasp the fullness of this metaphor. Yet, Paul’s teaching here and references throughout the Scripture remind us that sexuality and marriage were created by God to teach us about His love, His pursuit, His faithfulness and His passion toward His people.

Want to learn more? Dr. Juli Slattery’s newest book Rethinking Sexuality comes out on July 24th and dives into this conversation! You can sign up for our free webinar to hear Juli teach more on the deeper meanings around sexuality. Even if you can’t watch the webinar live, we will send you the recording after.

The original article appeared here.

Study Finds Openness to the Gospel in Generation Z

By
Bob Ditmer
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The consistent decline in church attendance over the past few years has been largely blamed on a lack of faith among millennials. Nearly 4 in 10 young adults claim no religious identity. Six in 10 say they stopped believing in the teachings of their childhood religion, according to a 2016 study by the Public Religion Research Institute.

But there are signs that the 18- to 24-year-old Generation Z, the generation following millennials, might end the trend. At least the seeds of that thinking can be found across the pond.

A major new survey of 4,087 British adults on their attitudes toward religious people revealed that those of Generation Z are less likely to have a negative perception of Christians than millennials are.

Researchers found those in the ‘Gen Z’ age group—what many consider the first genuinely post-Christian generation—are most likely to agree that they have had a positive experience of Christians and Christianity (51 percent), are the most likely to report that they go to church services (33 percent), and also feel comfortable discussing their religious beliefs with people at work (62 percent).

Conversely, they are also the the most likely to report that being an atheist or non-religious is ‘more normal.’

“The churches are addressing basic moral and existential questions that are very important for people in their late teens and early 20s,” Simon Oliver, Van Mildert professor of divinity at the University of Durham, told the Telegraph, “questions about identity, meaning of life and vocation. We are addressing them in a way that they are not addressed in the current education system.”

The results have many believing Gen Z is showing the greatest openness and positivity towards faith.  

Reaching Generation Z

Kolby Milton a youth worker in British Columbia, Canada, has written that Gen Z puts great importance on what their friends are talking about. That underlines the importance of Christian students understanding the gospel to influence their friends. And along those lines, reaching Gen Z means answering the questions they are really asking. Given the fact that Generation Z is the first post-Christian age group in America, that might mean answering a lot of questions.

Too many Christians view their young people as entertainment seekers, said James K.A. Smith, professor of philosophy at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Mich. As a result, churches tend to over-entertain their youths.

“We thought if we could make church entertaining for kids we would keep them,” Smith said. “But really, I think all that means is we keep them in this sort of ‘Jesus club.’ I don’t necessarily think it means we’re making disciples.”

He encouraged youth leaders to honor the intelligence of their children and not “dumb things down.” Rather, believers should challenge their church’s youths and give them opportunities to serve.

Jaquelle Crowe, writing about her generation for The Gospel Coalition, provided a laundry list for reaching her peers:

“What we need is to see the church loving one another. We need to see Christians of all generations (especially older, wiser generations) in covenant together remaining faithful in an unfaithful culture. We need to see the church standing up for biblical truth and not compromising their convictions. We need the church going out to reach the lost and bringing them in to grow and be fed in the context of the community. What we need is to see the church being the church.”

The Growing Trend of Multiracial Congregations

By
Bob Ditmer
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The idea that Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in America is beginning to change.  

Protestant churches in the U.S. have become three times more likely to be racially diverse than they were 20 years ago according to new research from Baylor University.

The percentage of Protestant churches where no one racial group makes up more than 80 percent of the congregation tripled from 4 percent in 1998 to 12 percent in 2012. Evangelicals and Pentecostals show even higher levels of diverse churches, up to 15 percent and 16 percent, respectively.

Overall, nearly 1 in 5 of all American worshipers belong to a multi-ethnic congregation.

The findings are based on data from the most recent National Congregations Study and are good news to evangelicals who have been working to integrate worship services.

Sam Rodriguez, President of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference, saw the trend earlier this year when he told Jason Daye, host of the ChurchLeaders podcast, “I’m seeing the emergence of multi-ethnic, Christ-centered Bible-based churches. To me that is the hope of a nation.”

He called it the “number one trend” in evangelical churches today, adding, “That puts a smile on my face because it’s the answer to the racial angst in the nation. A divided church will never heal a broken nation.”

If healing comes from congregations resembling the communities they’re in, the study finds churches are moving in the right direction. “The average congregation was eight times less diverse racially than its neighborhood in 1998 and four times less diverse in 2012,” Kevin D. Dougherty, Baylor sociologist and the lead author of the study, pointed out. But the research also indicates there is more work to be done. “Congregations are looking more like their neighborhoods racially and ethnically, but they still lag behind,” Dougherty said.

Multiracial Congregations Don’t Grow on Their Own

“The church wants diversity but we aren’t doing enough to achieve it,” Pastor Choco De Jesus, Senior Pastor of New Life Covenant Church in Chicago, told ChurchLeaders. “You need to be intentional.”

Much of the multi-ethnic church growth has come from church planting. But De Jesus says it has to be done thoughtfully and prayerfully.

“When we go into a community (to plant a church) we need to respect the churches that are already there. I think it’s pretty arrogant of a pastor who doesn’t connect with anybody in the community to say I’m going to change this community.”

“When I first went down the trail of Christ-exalting diversity, and planted a multi-ethnic church in 2003, there were sparse examples I could look to pattern our ministry after,” Bryan Loritts, founder of The Kainos Movement, told Christianity Today.

“But now the volume has been turned way up on wanting to see multiethnic churches launched, and it’s even become the new normal,” he said. “When I talk to young church planters who are eager to get started, it’s a little overwhelming to hear them say they want to be a multi-ethnic church. This is a relatively new and growing development—one I’m overjoyed with.”

It’s also good news to Rodriguez, who said, “When all the colors come together, it reflects the brightest light.”

The Power of Facebook Events

By
Ernesto Alaniz
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Many churches have realized the ubiquity of Facebook. It is a place where grandmothers and teens alike hang out. It has become a place to link the sermon, post pictures of big events, and even communicate that Wednesday has been canceled due to inclement weather. But many churches haven’t taken advantage of bringing their largest events to their community.

WHAT IS A FACEBOOK EVENT?

A Facebook Event is just that — an event. It happens at a certain place at a certain time for a certain reason. It is a free service from Facebook, and there is no limit to how many Events you can set up. Is your church having a big Trunk or Treat? Facebook Event. Having an Easter play? Facebook Event. Whatever occasion or outreach you want to promote, creating a Facebook event is a very effective option to get the word out.

CREATING A FACEBOOK EVENT

To set up an event, you must be an administrator of your church’s Facebook Page (because you want the event to be linked to the church). First, you will navigate to the Events tab on your Facebook Page. Then press the “Create Event” button. After that, you need only know the time and the place. If you have some artwork for this event, you will be able to attach it as well. And just like that, you have created a Facebook Event.

INVITE LEADERS AND GUESTS

The first thing you want to do is invite your key leaders and volunteers. I actually let my team know beforehand that they are going to be invited. I do this because I don’t want an event out there for our neighbors that looks like it has no one going to it. So my leaders all jump on right away to give it some starting momentum. After the first wave, I invite the people in our church that may be interested.

SHARE THE EVENT

This is the part that makes Facebook Events so amazing. Not only can the administrator invite as many people as they like, but each leader/volunteer can share this event to their friends and network. So the event begins showing up on timelines all over the community. This viral sharing is amazing because every person that shares the event is vouching for it to their group of Facebook friends. If people in the community see multiple people sharing the same event, it may begin to draw their interest.

EVENT PROMOTION

This is the only part that costs money, but it is entirely optional. Everything before this was free. When you set up a paid promotion, you get to decide how much to spend, and who your target audience is. If you are a small rural church, you might choose a 5-mile radius. If you are a more regional church, you might choose a 30-mile radius to advertise to. You can also determine other demographics, life stages, and interests to make sure your money is being spent well. Then you choose how much money you want to spend. I will often set my budget at $100. This is cheaper than the yellow pages, a billboard, or even door hangers. This is honestly the best $100 I spend for most events that our church does. I have had many visitors come to our small church and tell me, “I saw this church on Facebook, and decided to come and visit.” That still blows me away.

Even without the paid portion, Facebook Events brings our major outreach events to people who are not a part of our church family. It is easy, inexpensive, and even equips your people to spread the word.

This article originally appeared here.

8 Ways to Stop Biggering and Start Bettering the Church

By
Brandon Cox
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Remember the Once-ler? From The Lorax by Dr. Seuss? He was a fairly normal guy who wanted to build a big business at the expense of the environment, so he kept “biggering and biggering” until all the trees were gone, the wildlife had vacated the landscape, and his business crashed.

The little children’s book seems to leave us with the impression that biggering is bad. But I’m not convinced that should be the big lesson.

The story is told of Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, that he once sat quietly through a board meeting listening to his executives brainstorm about how to get bigger. He suddenly interrupted the chatter with a declaration: “If we get better, we won’t have to worry about getting bigger.” Talk about an Aha! moment!

We can make the church grow, or we can watch the church grow, and the difference boils down to bettering instead of biggering.

I often warn people who attend Grace Hills that if they’re just looking for a smaller church, we hope to disappoint them. And I further explain that the church must be intentional about growing larger because of our mandate to keep on making disciples out of a lost culture until Jesus comes. Then I follow up with the truth that while the church should grow larger, our energy should actually be invested in making it smaller. That is, we must put time and effort into turning the crowd into a congregation of committed Jesus followers who are in close relationships with a smaller number of people within the larger community.

This is why we talk a lot about how to spread out as we are growing up. America doesn’t need another enormous event center packed to the rim with spectators of a fantastic religious show. But America desperately needs a movement of Christians who spread out and infiltrate every pocket of our culture with the good news of Jesus.

I believe we’re seeing the beginnings of a bettering movement within our own Grace Hills Church family. We started small, with less than a hundred people when we launched. Now, somewhere around 600-ish people attend Grace Hills. But the really amazing story is happening behind the scenes where lives are really changing. *

I sat down at lunch not long ago with a couple in our church who lead a team of volunteers on Sundays and asked a simple question, “How are you guys doing?” Their response moved me. “Better than ever.” Their marriage is stronger than ever. They’re struggling through some disappointment and a difficult period of waiting in a very healthy way. And their intense passion for serving Jesus inspires me and makes me hunger to see many others share their experience.

What really grabbed me, though, was the part where they said, “Ever since we started coming to Grace Hills, and especially since we got involved in our small group…”

In their story is a big answer to what should be next for our church, and probably for yours too. We must focus on bettering and we won’t have to worry about biggering. So how do we get better? These are the principles forming in my own heart and mind about how I want to see the church at large improve…

Bettering the Church

  • We need to depend upon the Spirit’s influence and empowering, and to unashamedly confess that dependence in our prayer and worship.
  • We need to learn to tell God’s redemptive story, the good news, in a way that relates to our surrounding culture. We need to make the gospel central to our message and mission.
  • We need to focus on people—connecting with people, connecting people to other people, and meeting the needs people experience on a daily basis.
  • We need to make disciples and develop leaders rather than simply attracting more fans. Attracting isn’t bad, but failing to challenge those we attract to take the next step is a severe flaw.
  • We need to get bold about our vision for a world touched and changed by a God-sized movement. It’s time to stop apologizing for an intense desire to influence and impact the culture with truth and grace.
  • We need to sacrifice our comfort, our preferences and our personal agendas, and embrace change—radical, catalytic, movement-shaking change.
  • We need to be strategic, pragmatic and effective. These are curse words in some pockets of evangelicalism, but they are absolutely NOT at odds with biblical Christianity. We can be both faithful and fruitful.
  • We need to work together, in unity, as a team. Structural and institutional unity isn’t necessary, but working hand-in-hand for Kingdom-sized causes is.

The world doesn’t necessarily need bigger churches. But it definitely needs better churches, and better churches usually wind up bigger, and bigger isn’t bad.

Where does your church need to start? And what’s your role in the equation?

This article originally appeared here.

Why Every Church Should Address Depression and Anxiety

By
Jarrid Wilson
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It’s no secret that my past was ridden with mental health issues—ones that kept me from wanting to live for much of my teenage life. I’m very vocal about this truth, and I will continue to be as long as my story may have an impact on others who need to hear it. And while I do believe today’s church is doing better at addressing the issue that is mental health, I believe there can be so much more done than what is currently taking place in regards to depression and anxiety. Let me explain.

I never tried to take my own life in my younger years, but I frequently found myself googling painless ways to commit suicide and really had no remorse once finding what I was looking for. It was a sad state to be in. The reality is that my life was infected with the burden of depression and anxiety, and the only places I could find reliable information from were not churches in my local area. Why? Because mental illness wasn’t really talked about.

I felt as if all the “Christian” resources were outdated and really didn’t address the fact that taking medication was OK in the eyes of God. There really wasn’t much information at all. It was as if all the answers I was finding were suggesting that I just needed more faith. Seriously? The last thing someone contemplating suicide wants to here is “just have faith.” I understand that Jesus has the power to conquer anything that comes my way, but please don’t throw Christians clichés at me. I wanted real, authentic and practical information, and I assume there are millions in this world who would want the same. It’s what Jesus would have done.

I really wanted to find help in the church, but there were no ministries or nonprofits working within the walls of local congregations that I could reach. All the counseling and help I received came years after I actually needed it, and it was found in the secrecy of a local medical facility, not a church—where it should have been all along.

Mind you, the church has come a long way since my teenage years in regards to helping those with mental illness, but I believe we can still do a lot more.

Some Statistics

1. It is reported that 1 in 10 Americans are affected by depression. 

2. Over 80 percent of people who are clinically depressed are not receiving treatment.

3. The number of people diagnosed with depression increases by 30 percent every year. 

4. An estimated 121 million people around the world suffer from depression.

5. In 2013, 41,149 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans

6. In 2013, someone died by suicide every 12.8 minutes.

4 of My Proudest Memories of Being a Pastor

By
Ron Edmondson
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This month I transitioned into a new role with a nonprofit organization called Leadership Network. In another post, when I understand it more myself, I plan to share more about what I will be doing. In short, we support pastors and the church. Our goal is to help with innovation, leadership development and best practices in the church. It’s an amazing opportunity.

This new position will be very full-time, so I will no longer be a full-time pastor. I came into ministry later in life, after a long business career. It’s amazing, however, when I realize I was a pastor for 16 years. It seemed to pass so quickly.

We had growth, renewal, staff and cultural health and community engagement. We made all the recognition “lists.” Looking back at four churches later (two revitalizations and two plants), God was incredibly graceful to us.

Considering everything we experienced in 16 years, there are a few things that I’m most proud to have experienced. And, they may not be the things I would have expected in the beginning.

Here are four of my proudest memories of being a pastor:

My wife is still my best friend—in life and ministry.

Cheryl is just as committed to me—and our ministry—as when we started. She placed a pillow in “my chair,” which says “Where you go I go.” People continually asked me through the transition process where Cheryl was in all this—and, it was easy to say she is as committed as I am.

I know many pastor spouses who checked out, because they had been burned by ministry. We worked hard to protect our marriage, our hearts and our joint commitment to ministry.

Both my boys love Jesus—and the church!

And, have felt their own call to ministry. One son works behind the scenes, supporting the church in his profession. He is active in his local church. He is consistently sharing worship songs or sermon messages with me that have inspired him. The other son works in the church and was on our staff. He’s passionate about sharing God’s word.

I came into vocational ministry later in life, so the ministry isn’t the only world my boys know. But, they witnessed firsthand the struggles of church planting and the difficulty of church revitalization. I know so many pastors who have children that grew up to resent the church. I’m thankful my boys stayed firm in their faith. We worked at this too. We didn’t hide things from them, we let them participate with us, and we allowed them to choose how they would express their faith within the church.

People felt welcome in the churches where we pastored.

Grace is attractive. Love is welcoming.

I’m thankful God led us to be churches that were attractive to passionate followers as well as those who were far from God. It doesn’t begin in the parking lot, although parking lot ministry is important. It actually begins in the workplace, the school and on Main Street.

In all four churches, we encouraged people to think outside the walls. My number one message was attempting to help people understand truth found in the grace and love of Christ.

We saw people far from God come to know, love and serve God.

Isn’t that what we’ve been called to do as churches?

We were blessed to be a part of growing churches, both in church planting and revitalization. One pushback to growing churches is all we care about are numbers. But, anyone who believed that never knew my heart. Every number for me always represented an individual story—a life change—a person who God passionately loves and wants to redeem for His glory and their good.

We experienced lots of stories over 16 years of pastoring. We cherish the testimonies, and keep all the cards, emails and notes of life change, as some of our proudest treasures in life and ministry. To God be the glory! For 16 years, He has been faithful!

It’s a new season for us in ministry. We won’t be actively shepherding a church. In fact, we will be looking for a church in which to attend. (We’ve always said if we found ourselves in this position, we’d attempt to make the best church members a church can find.) But, I’m thankful for God giving us an incredible 16 years of pastoring.

This article originally appeared here.

How Bonhoeffer Used Spiritual Disciplines to Prepare for Public Action

By
Matthew D. Hamilton
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer largely derives his fame from his martyrdom at the hands of the Nazi regime. Under immense stress, Bonhoeffer’s religious convictions prompted him to fight for the true good of the German people against genocidal tyranny. Understandably so, less attention has been paid to his theology and his understanding of private Christian faith. However, Bonhoeffer’s life and writings demonstrate a vital nuance to personal, spiritual practices that ought to inform our private faith today.

Before his involvement in the assassination plot, Dietrich Bonhoeffer retreated to relative obscurity and operated an underground seminary in the German town of Finkenwalde. Here, removed from the political activities of his day, Bonhoeffer gives us the best glimpse of his expectations for personal spirituality.

Practicing spiritual disciplines

To prepare his seminarians for ministry, Bonhoeffer mandated disciplines very familiar to us.

Bonhoeffer required his students to read Scripture privately, writing, “We are not permitted to neglect this daily encounter with Scripture.”[1] Bonhoeffer intentionally uses the word “encounter” here as he disallowed that this time would be an academic or pastoral pursuit: The ministers-to-be were not allowed to search for sermon material or use a Greek New Testament; rather, Scripture study was meditative, or prayerful, and enabled the Finkenwalde seminarians “to encounter Christ in his own word.”[2] Thus, the “goal [of Scriptural meditation] is Christ’s community, Christ’s help and Christ’s guidance.”[3]

Bonhoeffer also insisted that his seminarians fasted. Arguing that it reminded them of their “estrangement” from the world, he regarded this practice as nonnegotiable.[4] Just as prayerful Scripture reading ultimately looks to encounter God, Bonhoeffer does not see fasting as an end in itself but rather a response to faith in Christ, a means of orienting one’s life to God.

However, Bonhoeffer appears to speak out of both sides of his mouth, paradoxically railing against retreat from the world. In Ethics, he writes firmly, “For the Christian there is nowhere to retreat from the world, neither externally nor into the inner life.”[5] In After Ten Years, he develops this criticism a little further:

In flight from public discussion and examination, this or that person may well attain the sanctuary of private virtuousness. But he must close his eyes and mouth to the injustice around him. He can remain undefiled by the consequences of responsible action only by deceiving himself… He will either perish from that restlessness or turn into a hypocritical, self-righteous, small-minded human being.[6]

Developing a moral backbone

How then are we to make sense of Bonhoeffer’s actions and commands?

While condemning withdrawal from the world, Bonhoeffer appears to do the very thing he hates, retreating to Finkenwalde and exhorting his students toward inward-focused, privatistic practices.

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating.

In her essay “Bonhoeffer’s Understanding of Church, State and Civil Society,” Victoria J. Barnett, director of the U.S. Holocaust Museum’s Programs on Ethics, Religion and the Holocaust, notes Bonhoeffer’s awareness of this exact contradiction: “The Finkenwalde experiment opened up the risk inherent in any kind of internal exile, which is that it becomes a flight into a privatized kind of discipleship.”[7] Barnett thus indicates that while the Finkenwalde period may appear apolitical, Bonhoeffer understood this apparent contradiction.

However, his other writings—as well as more insight from Barnett—provide a fascinating dimension to Bonhoeffer’s personal spirituality which resolves this tension. Rather than seeing spiritual disciplines as a retreat from the world, Bonhoeffer understands spirituality as the necessary foundation for Christian political action.

Retreating to Finkenwalde, Bonhoeffer was not neglecting or refusing the world. Rather, Barnett’s essay highlights how he here sought “the creation of moral backbone and the establishment of the discipline his students would need if they were to stay on the right path” under the attractive Nazi regime.[8] Personally, Bonhoeffer saw his meditation not as retreat but the only way he could take certain steps in public life: encountering God personally provided the necessary foundation for political action.

This moral formation via spiritual discipline does not, however, only apply to ministers.

Bonhoeffer extends this political dimension of spirituality to the local church because a church consumed with her own desire and self-interest cannot truly love her neighbor. Only by developing contentment and self-control will the church be able to be selfless, to be the church-for-others, as Bonhoeffer puts it.

Bonhoeffer thus resolves the apparent contradiction and demonstrates a necessarily political or public understanding of private spirituality. Rather than serving as an end-in-themselves, private spiritual practices function as a means to create genuinely Christian public action. Reading Scripture prayerfully may appear an isolated or individualistic practice, but such meditation forms our desires and builds virtue. Fasting similarly generates self-control, enabling—through God’s grace—the Christian to overcome selfish ambition and promoting generosity. Personal spirituality, though seemingly apolitical, therefore empowers the church to feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked and visit the sick and imprisoned.

NOTES

  1. ^ The Complete Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works Series. Volume 14. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Publish Company (2014). 936.
  2. ^ DBWE 14, 932.
  3. ^ DBWE 14, 933.
  4. ^ DBWE 4, 158.
  5. ^ DBWE 6, 62.
  6. ^ DBWE 8, 40, emphasis original.
  7. ^ Victoria J. Barnett. “Bonhoeffer’s Understanding of Church, State and Civil Society.” Found in Dem Rad in die Speichen fallen : das Politische in der Theologie Dietrich Bonhoeffers = A spoke in the wheel : the political in the theology of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Ed. Kristen Busch Nielsen, Ralf Karolus Wustenberg and Jens Zimmermann. Guetersloh, DE: Gütersloher Publishing House (2014). 361.
  8. ^ Barnett, “Bonhoeffer’s Understanding of Church, State and Civil Society,” 361.

This article originally appeared here.

John Ortberg: You Can’t Have a Healthy Marriage With a Sick Soul

By
Gary Thomas
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In a book on soul keeping, John Ortberg gets about as honest as any writer I’ve ever read in revealing the petty ways we allow “little” spiritual sins to spoil our marriage. His words are a great springboard for us to discuss how it’s impossible to have a healthy marriage while harboring a sick soul.

“I suppose that the person I have sinned against the most is my wife… I had asked that question many times: ‘How do you know when you’re in love?’

The answer I always got—the answer I wanted to believe—was ‘You just know…’

With Nancy I just knew.

Except for when I didn’t.

Except for when she did something that bothered me, something that didn’t fit perfectly with my idealized, romanticized notion of what it would mean to have the greatest relationship ever. 

When she would do something I didn’t like—when she disagreed too vehemently or I felt as if she was getting too directive—I would feel something turn cold inside of me. I would distance myself from her by making less eye contact and touching her less and speaking a little coldly.”

This is marvelous writing in a marvelous book (Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You), and I’m hoping John won’t mind the copious quotes since I’m also hoping this will help sell a ton of his books.

Unfortunately, I recognize way too much of myself in John’s account (maybe that’s why it resonated with me so much), particularly during the earlier years of my marriage.

“I wanted her to hurt”

That coldness I felt, which led me to respond with “less eye contact and touching her less and speaking a little coldly” sends (sorry for the pun) chills up my spine because that was me. I wasn’t verbally or physically abusive. That would have been too obvious. I’ve never used a swear word talking to Lisa and I’ve never even said something intentionally to hurt her. But I was good at withholding warmth. I’m ashamed of that. I hate it, looking back, but that’s what an immature person in marriage does.

John Ortberg continues:

“On the night of our rehearsal dinner, which was supposed to be all music and magic, she did or said something that I did not like (and that I no longer have any memory of), but I remember with great clarity sitting in the car with her late into the night.

In tears, Nancy said, ‘If you don’t want to marry me, say so.’

Love, anger, withdrawal, coldness, pain, guilt, melting. All this at a level too deep for my knowing. I had to keep two incompatible thoughts in my mind: ‘I am a good person’ and ‘I want to inflict pain.’

So I had to separate them from each other; I had to disintegrate my mind. This pattern became so embedded that my will couldn’t stop it. We honeymooned in Wisconsin. A few days into our marriage, she moved toward me romantically, but I withdrew behind a book. I would intimate to her that I did not want sex, even though really I always wanted sex. But I knew my coldness would hurt her a little. My sin crept into my sex life.”

The problem of marriage is the problem of unformed or ill souls relating through unhealthy responses. It’s not primarily about communication, finances, conflict resolution or in-laws. It’s about our sick souls. Even when we really desire something like sex, we’ll deny ourselves to make our spouse pay.

I counseled a couple where the husband also did this. Ironically, they had been fighting about him wanting sex more often! When his wife made herself more than available and even initiated in a provocative way, he remembered something she had done earlier in the day and thought he would make her pay by turning her down, even though he had wanted sex for a really long time.

He so wanted her to hurt that he was willing to hurt himself even more. There’s a little bit of the kamikaze pilot in all of us when it comes to marriage. Sick souls make sick decisions even when those decisions take a pound out of our own flesh.

Ortberg continues:

“Sometimes if we were with other people and she said something I didn’t like, I would get a little distant and polite with her and make a little more eye contact and grow a little warmer toward whomever we were with.

My mind was conflicted with thoughts of love and thoughts of bitterness; my feelings were split between intimacy and coldness. My will would move away from her in anger until things got really bad and she cried and I would feel guilty and move back toward her.

My face and the tone of my voice could create the effect on her that I wanted without ever being totally open about the deeper recesses of my mind and will. Sin was in my anger. Sin was in my deception. Sin was in my body—the way I would use my face to both conceal and to hurt.”

The Issue Is Sin

John correctly identifies that the key issue keeping him from loving his wife was sin. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand her as a woman. It wasn’t that he hadn’t learned her love language. It wasn’t that they were so different he didn’t know what to do. John knew exactly what to do, but a sick soul kept him from doing it.

“Nancy wanted us to see a counselor. We did for a few times that first summer, but I did so quite grudgingly. And then no more after that, not for many years.

I had a doctorate in clinical psychology because I believed other people needed help, but not me. Sin was in my pride. Sin was in my stubbornness. Marriage is revealing. If only I had eyes to see the sin in just about every area of my life…

This dance of withdrawal and approach continued on-and-off for 15 years. It was not the only dynamic in our marriage; we genuinely loved and enjoyed each other. But withdrawal was always at least beneath the surface, hibernating until the next painful episode. And then it got much worse. I had been colder longer and meaner than maybe ever before.

Nancy got back from a two-week trip, but I still did not thaw. I remember picking her up at the airport and still being politely distant; I can remember our eight-year-old daughter at the airport trying to push the two of us together for a hug. She knew that we were pushing apart. Children always know more than we think. That night Nancy told me that she could not do the dance anymore. She wasn’t going anywhere. But this dynamic was not about her. It was trouble inside of me, and I would have to work it out somehow.”

Setting the Prayer Bar High for Kids

By
Danielle Bell
-
thank you notes for children’s ministry volunteers

Kids are the church of today and if we give them a chance to actively participate in prayer we may just be blown away.

Last night our church hosted a night of dedicated prayer to take place in over 40-50 homes all over the city of Birmingham, Alabama.

While prayer is probably my weakest spiritual discipline, I was so looking forward to this night for several reasons. The first is that the night was all about prayer; not fellowship and food, which are two things Baptist churches have seemed to master. Secondly, these groups were a great mix of people from all ages and walks of life. Lastly, the kids weren’t dropped off at a nursery or childcare, they were invited to the night of prayer. It was quite a night. Let me just say, we had church!

We Set the Bar Too Low for Kids and Prayer

As a ministry leader, I learned that we are setting the bar too low for kids and prayer. Oh I get it and I understand the questions. Several people asked me for confirmation that kids were really invited. I immediately exclaimed, “Yes, we are having church like in Jesus’ day—gathering together to hear and seek him and not divide into age groups scattered all over buildings.”

Kids Praying for an Hour Straight! 

Then there were those who doubted kids would be able to focus on prayer for a whole hour. To be honest, I wondered that myself. (I don’t sit still well, and let’s just say I may have wiggled more than the kids at my designated home.) Then next was the question we all knew was coming (this time from a child, but we can imagine some adults were thinking it, too) “Do we have to pray out loud?”

After a solid hour of praising God for who He is, thanking him for all He has done, silent confession and intercession for others, I was reminded that I would take a house of praying kids over an adult house any day. Here are just a couple of things I heard from the mouths of babes…

Prayers From Kids: 

  • “God let the lost look to You and bow down to You.”
  • “May the adults in this room be as bold about sharing Jesus as kids are.” (That one stung a little, but I knew it to be true with the crowd of kids that surrounded me in prayer.)
  • “Thank you for Jesus.” (amen.)
  • “Thank you for butter.” (I mean really, I loved this and wondered when was the last time I thanked God for butter.)
  • “God help me have the courage to share my faith at school even when others make fun of me.”
  • “Thank you for our Sunday school teachers.”
  • “Thank you for clean water.” (Obviously they have been listening, as we partner with countries to bring clean water to those in need.)
  • “Help me be kind to others even when they are not nice back.”
  • Prayers for the homeless in need of shelter.
  • Prayers for our new pastor (we are in the search process) and the search team.
I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the point—the kids got it. One of the sweetest things to hear was the kids continually thanking God for things throughout our prayer time.
When we changed gears to confession or intercession, they weren’t bound to only these types of prayers. Thanksgiving prayers were still being uttered aloud as people were silently confessing or audibly interceding for others. (Thank you for science. Thank you for math.) They knew all things were from Him and came prepared to thank Him.
These kids boldly approached the throne of grace and not one (from the smallest preschooler) complained about us praying for a solid hour.
One child at another home said at the end of their time that “it just felt like 10 minutes.” Again, they get it. Doesn’t time spent with someone you love and you know loves you just fly by?

Lessons to Remember About Prayer Time for Kids

  • Prayer shouldn’t just be something we use as a transition piece in our lesson/classes. Prayer can be the lesson.
  • We underestimate and often undervalue kids when we limit prayer to a short amount of time because we think kids can’t handle long periods.
  • Kids pray as Jesus taught, to the point without a lot of show for attention. So, how can we intentionally guide them in more prayer times?
  • Kid’s get it. They can boldly and transparently lay their requests before a loving Savior. Instead of taking so long for prayer requests, why don’t we simply teach them to pray?
  • Kids are listening to what is being taught. Let’s make time for intentional prayer after the lesson and allow kids to talk it over with the Father.

I am done with expecting less of kids because they are younger. Really, in my experiences, we should expect more. So no more settling, I am setting the bar high for kids and prayer and I am going to sit back and watch the Lord work.

This article originally appeared here.

10 Marriage Lessons From Lysa Terkeurst

By
Christine Yount Jones
-
marriage lessons from Lysa TerKeurst
Facebook @Lysa TerKeurst

These marriage lessons from Lysa Terkeurst have been hard won. In 2017, Proverbs 31 Ministries head Lysa TerKeurst announced that due to her husband Art’s infidelity and lack of repentance, she had no other option but to seek a divorce. And the pain their family was in left them reeling. Her shocking announcement went viral, but was mostly met with love, prayers and support from her followers. We are grateful for these insightful marriage lessons from Lysa Terkeurst.

New Developments for Lysa TerKeurst’s Marriage

Recently, Lysa TerKeurst posted on her Facebook page surprising and hopeful news.

Her message reads: “A gift. A hard prayed for and fought for, glorious, messy, miraculous, honest, treasured gift of together. Happy Father’s Day, Art! The way you have pursued the Lord, healing, and us… is evidence of God’s supernatural grace and goodness. I’m praying for everyone praying for a miracle today. God has a plan but it will probably unfold in a way you never thought it would.”

churchleaders.com reached out to Lysa for an interview but we were declined because of her schedule issues. So we’re left to wonder: Is the TerKeurst marriage restored? What is the work that Art and Lysa have done to achieve the “treasured gift of together”?

For now, we’re left to glean from Lysa’s prolific social media posts for her 1.1 million Facebook fans. What’s the hard work Lysa refers to in her above post?

Marriage Lessons From Lysa TerKeurst

  1. Be there for one another when the bottom falls out. Lysa has dealt with treatment for breast cancer this last year. And Art has been present.

2. Trust that God is with you in the midst of the messiness of life.

3. Forgiveness is never a one-time thing. Forgive again and again.

4. Cling to God.

5. Be empathetic toward others even when they’re in the wrong.

6. Humbly acknowledge your own issues and failings.

7. Trust God completely.

8. Believe that God can do the impossible.

9. Maintain a positive attitude.

10. Don’t expect perfection.

This isn’t some kind of formula that if you do these 10 things then God will restore whatever you’ve lost. Far from it. Rather, it’s a peek into the life of a public person who’s willing to authentically share her life. We’re grateful that we can learn from Lysa TerKeurst’s marriage and life. And we’re eager to hear more about what God is doing in the TerKeurst marriage in the days to come.

The devil is vicious, but he is not victorious.

_____________________________________

More Marriage Lessons From Lysa Terkeurst

Lysa Terkeurst blog – Lysa blogs at lysaterkeurst.com where she talks about how to walk with God and make it an invigorating journey through daily online devotionals, radio programs, online Bible studies, and more. Her tops pages are:
Rejection, Heartache, and a Faithful God – This is a post in which she talks about the end of her marriage to Art Terkeurst.
10 Prayers For Your Son – This is a post that will give you 10 powerful prayers to help you fight for the heart of your son. The prayers come from the book “Praying for Boys” by Brooke McGlothlin.
But God Verses –  This message is regarding the “but” in our lives. How Lysa has found a big defeater in her life by following up statements about what she wants or needs to do with the words “But I.” She gives verses on how to combat this thinking.
10 Prayers for Your Daughter – In this powerful post, Lysa speaks about what we can do with that gap where our mommy capabilities ends and trusting God begins. How to trust God with everything beyond our control with our kids and not feel scared. We must fill that gap with the only thing that bridges the space between our limitations and our trust in God…prayer.
Sharing an Update With You – Here is where you’ll find Lysa Terkeurst go live on Facebook sharing about how she went to get a mammogram. How she got a biopsy. And was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Lysa Terkeurst books – Lysa has authored many best selling books such as: Finding I Am, Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, Made to Crave, and What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. You can find them all here.

Lysa Terkeurst tour – Lysa has a speaking schedule that includes conferences and events all over the United States. You can find her schedule here.

Lysa Terkeurst podcast – Lysa’s podcast is called The Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast. Renee Swope joins her as they talk about intersecting God’s Word in the real, hard places we all struggle with. Every episode features a variety of teachings. Lysa shines Christ’s light and shares her love for Jesus. Her ministry is far-reaching, saving souls and helping women across the globe.

Lysa Terkeurst quotes – 

“Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn’t mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift . . . called self-control.”
Lysa TerKeurst, Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions

“God can take what Satan meant for shame and use it for His glory. Just when we think we’ve messed up so badly that our lives are nothing but heaps of ashes, God pours His living water over us and mixes the ashes into clay. He then takes this clay and molds it into a vessel of beauty. After He fills us with His overflowing love, He can use us to pour His love into the hurting lives of others.”
Lysa TerKeurst

“Not reaching back for what was lost in my yesterdays. And not reaching for what I hope will be in my tomorrow. But living fully with what is right in front of me. And truly seeing the gift of this moment.”
Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl

“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.”
Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely

“God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live . . . loved.”
Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely

After reading these marriage lessons from Lysa Terkeurst, what lessons would you add?

Founding Pastor at Highpoint Church Resigns

By
Bob Ditmer
-
Chris Conlee
Screengrab YouTube @Outreach, Inc.

Chris Conlee, the founder and lead pastor of Highpoint Church in Memphis, has resigned. Conlee initially supported Andy Savage, the former associate pastor at the church, following the revelation that Savage had a sexual encounter with a 17-year-old while he was youth pastor at a Texas church 20 years ago.

The church sent a statement to members on Wednesday saying, “Over the last couple months, Chris and the trustees have been praying and discussing the direction and future of our church. We have arrived at a point of respectfully agreeing to go in different directions for the kingdom. We love and respect each other.

“After much prayer and counsel, the Trustees and Chris have mutually agreed that the time is now for Chris to pass the baton. This will enable us to recalibrate our search for a new Teaching Pastor in the search for a Senior Pastor.”

“It’s a relief that Pastor Conlee resigned his position at Highpoint Church, and it allows Highpoint a new beginning after a difficult period of time,” said Julia Dahl, a founding member.

“In his own words from the pulpit in January, Chris Conlee disclosed he had known about Andy Savage’s conduct prior to inviting Andy to co-found or lead in Highpoint Church,” said Dahl. “With that knowledge, Chris elected to do nothing to protect that victim of sexual assault.”

Meanwhile, Jules Woodson, the woman who accused Savage of sexual assault, told WATN-TV that she was shedding “good tears” thanks to the news. She also said the news was the “high point of her birthday,” which coincided with the release of Conlee’s resignation. “This was the right decision,” she told the TV station.

“I would say the majority of the core group of members who have been going here since the beginning have sustained the church through each season,” Drew O’Brien, a church member, told WREG-TV,” adding, “We are hopeful for the future.”

It was reported that Conlee would say more to the church on Sunday.

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