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Should I Be Allowed to Check My Spouse’s Phone?

By
Dave Willis
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Recently I received a message through my Facebook page from a wife struggling with a very common issue in modern marriages. To paraphrase her message, she said, “My husband always has his cell phone with him. Sometimes, he even sleeps with it in his pocket. He never wants me looking at it. I’m afraid he’s communicating with other women or hiding something else, but I don’t want to snoop or make things awkward by demanding to look at his phone. He gets so defensive when I mention it. I’m heartbroken, but I feel stuck, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to make the situation better. Should I check his phone? I’m afraid of what I would find! Am I being overly sensitive or is he the one who is out of bounds?”

Should I Be Allowed to Check My Spouse’s Phone?

Here’s my response…

Over the years, my wife, Ashley, and I have interacted with countless married couples, and a trend we’ve discovered is that the way a couple handles their cell phones reveals a great deal about the overall health of their marriage. Let me explain…

When a spouse is defensive or secretive about his/her phone, it’s usually a symptom of some kind of unhealthy behavior. It’s not always infidelity, though inappropriate interactions with the opposite sex are certainly common among people who keep passwords from their spouse. When you don’t give your spouse full access to your phone, you’re essentially saying, “I’m not giving you full access to myself. There are secrets I don’t want to tell you, behaviors I don’t want to reveal to you, or activities I don’t want to share with you.”

Here’s another HUGE reason why transparency and trust matter so much in marriage…

You might pridefully believe that you have the right to keep secrets from your spouse, but any form of deception or secrecy in a marriage is toxic. The healthiest couples value transparency over personal privacy. When a spouse operates in secrecy, it creates distrust and disunity in the marriage. This goes against the very definition of marriage. As a Christian, I believe that marriage was God’s idea and His timeless instructions for the sacred covenant is still the best plan. The Bible tells us that the first married couple was “naked and they felt no shame.”

This simple verse in Genesis reveals the power of a “Naked Marriage.” It’s a bond of complete transparency and trust with nakedness (physically, emotionally and spiritually) with nothing to hide from each other. It’s the kind of intimacy we all long for but it takes courage and vulnerability to achieve it. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust.

As it relates to your smartphone, you can start building this kind of intimacy and transparency by taking the “Secret Free Guarantee” in your marriage. It’s a pledge of total transparency including shared passwords and nothing to hide from each other. My wife knows the passwords to every device and account I own, because if it’s “mine,” she owns it too! Giving her total access to my phone is one of  “rules” I follow to promote transparency and prevent infidelity in my marriage.

So, if you’ve truly got nothing to hide from your spouse, give him/her the security and comfort of knowing that they have full access to your phone (and everything else). Don’t make him/her have to ask. Be proactive about promoting transparency in your marriage. If you’re hiding something, get it out in the open. A painful truth is always better than a hidden lie. Your marriage is more important than your phone.

This article originally appeared here.

Does Your Giving Say “Leftovers” or “Lord”?

By
J.D. Greear
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Have you ever been invited to someone’s house and they served you leftovers for dinner? You show up expecting a nice meal and instead sit down to that morning’s bacon and some limp French fries from the day before. One of the fries still has distinct teeth marks in it.

No doubt you’d feel a little insulted because you’d know this meal was originally prepared for someone else.

If we feel slighted by a meal in which we were only a secondhand thought, imagine how Jesus must feel when we give him our leftovers, when our giving reflects that our treasure lies with something other than him.

What gets the first and best of your treasures?

Does Your Giving Say “Leftovers” or “Lord”?

You see, when it comes to our money, we all operate in two major categories: a “first and best” category and a “good enough” category. In some areas of your life, you devote money to making things right. Compromise is not an option. But in other areas of your life, you know that “good enough” really is good enough. You’ll sacrifice the second category for the first, but never the other way around.

For example, imagine a couple in their late 40s who just received a tuition bill from their daughter’s college and is marveling at the ungodly amount. (Seriously, what is going on with college expenses?) The conversation goes something like this: “I just want our little Jane to have the best education and launch into life. She already got into the best school, and it will give her such a great start in her career… I think we can do this, but everything else is going to have to change. We won’t be able to upgrade our kitchen, or our car, or even our iPhones for a while. We’ll have to live with ‘good enough’ so that our child gets the first and the best.”

Whatever is first makes everything else relative. So why do we rarely ask questions like this in light of our giving? We never seem to have the conversation that goes like this: “We can do what Jesus is leading us to do in his kingdom, but if we do, everything else is going to have to change.”

Instead, we ask, “How much can we afford to give after all these other commitments are fulfilled?” After we get the kind of house we want to live in. After we go on the vacations we think our family would enjoy. After we drive the kind of cars and wear the kinds of clothes we want. After we achieve the lifestyle we want, and after we send our kids to the colleges we want them to go to.

After all these things, what can we afford to give to God?

In other words, “What kind of leftovers do you think would be good enough for God?”

Jesus does not deserve our leftovers. He deserves the first place in everything.

He also deserves more than a respectable, “good enough” percentage. He deserves a level of giving from us that declares unequivocally his preeminence in our lives.

My wife and I realize our giving is always at risk of becoming “good enough.” We’re not embarrassed by the amount that we give—our giving is intentional, consistent and generous—but I don’t want to live (and give) as if Jesus is pretty important. I want our giving to declare, “Jesus, you are the reason we exist! You’re the point of living! And if you hadn’t reached out first and gone to the cross to save us, we’d be lost.” I want my kids to see us live and give like that because I want them to see that Jesus is not just important to us; he’s absolutely first.

Think of it like this: When you sit down to a breakfast of bacon and eggs, both the chicken and pig had a part in bringing it to you. The chicken made a contribution; the pig went all-in. The chicken is not really changed for the experience; it’s more of a transaction. The pig, however, is fundamentally changed for the experience.

Veronica and I don’t want to be chickens in our giving. We want to be pigs. We don’t want to merely to make a generous contribution; we want to be fundamentally changed for the experience because we establish God as the unchallenged first and best in our thoughts, affections and priorities as we give him the first and best of our finances.

Even for those that think they are not in a position right now to give like this, there is a place to put Jesus first. God says in his Word to give him your first and best, and all the rest he will give to you (Matthew 6:33). Whether you have a lot or a little, you always have something to put first. Make it Jesus.

This article originally appeared here. 

Volunteers & KidMin Safety Procedures: What works?

By
Gina McClain
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Safety Procedures are some of the more important and more minute aspects of Kids Ministry. And these details of ministry are critical to creating a safe environment for kids.

The challenge with Safety Procedures is their regularity. Some safety processes you use so often you don’t even think about them, like diaper changing, restroom procedures or illness.

Other procedures you use so rarely, it’s easy to forget the proper process to handle it. Things like bleeding or vomiting.

As a ministry leader, I want to make sure our volunteers have the knowledge and resources to handle these situations no matter how frequently or infrequently they occur. The question always comes down to “How?”

This past year we posted our standard safety procedures in each room for things like Incident Reporting, Restroom Policies, Vomiting or Bleeding. They were posted in the form of a flip-chart.

The problem I had with the flip-chart was that the procedures were posted but not necessarily visible. A volunteer would have to flip the pages to actually review the information. And though that can work, I wanted to try something that didn’t require any flipping. Something that kept the information as visible as possible.

Our graphics team created a poster mounted to pvc. They’re incredibly durable yet simple, as they do not require framing. We’ll mount each poster using some heavy-duty 3M double-sided tape (the kind you stick once and it’s there until Armageddon).

I’m interested to see how this works. I certainly like the clean look and simplicity of the sign.

*Important things to note:

  • Evacuation maps are not listed on these. Our evacuation routes are posted in the hallways and specific to a grouping of rooms.
  • No sign is the ‘end all, be all.’ Signs become ‘visual white noise’ and disappear over time. This sign enhances but does not eliminate the need for regular training or review of these processes

What have you found effective in keeping Safety Procedures available to volunteers when they need them?

This article originally appeared here.

The Top Viral Bible Verse Read Wrong

By
James Emery White
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

The top viral Bible verse read wrong may surprise you.

A few months ago, in light of its 25th anniversary, the online Scripture resource Bible Gateway revealed its five most searched Bible verses. The most searched, John 3:16, probably wouldn’t surprise. Nor would the other four: Jeremiah 29:11 (“For I know the plans I have for you…”), Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things…”), Psalm 23:4 (“Even though I walk through the darkest valley…”), and Romans 8:28 (“And we know that in all things God works for the good…”).

What is interesting about the most viral Bible verses being tweeted, hashtagged, shared, favorited, bookmarked or highlighted—whether through Bible Gateway, YouVersion or any other source—is that the reason they are going viral has little to do with the actual meaning of the verse itself.

  1. Philippians 4:13
    Take Philippians 4:13 as an example: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (NIV).

It’s easy to see why this would go viral. If you want a “name it and claim it” verse that you can name and claim for almost anything, this is it. It tells you that you can do anything with Christ on your side because you’ll have His strength. Which means nothing is impossible; nothing is insurmountable. You can do anything and everything through Christ who strengthens you. And the idea is that He can and will strengthen you.

You can overcome that obstacle.

You can climb to new heights.

You can embrace your destiny.

God said you can, so you can!

So do you want to: Secure that job? Find that soulmate? Make more money? Get that house? Land that deal? Get that part?

No problem. You can accomplish all things through Christ.

But is that what it’s saying?

No.

Paul wrote the letter to the church at Philippi while imprisoned in chains in Rome. The section of the letter that contains its most viral Bible verse was an interesting one. Paul was not only in prison, but he wasn’t doing well physically. The Philippians knew that he wasn’t doing well physically and Paul knew they were concerned about this, so in this section, he addresses that concern:

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:10-13, NIV)

The context is about finding contentment in Christ independent of circumstance, particularly when those circumstances include suffering. It’s not about the ability to succeed, gain accomplishment, break through a barrier, finish a race or win a game. It’s about finding strength in Christ to be content in the midst of hellish circumstances; it’s about getting through times of persecution.

So what is Philippians 4:13 really about? It’s about the opposite of what it’s often used for. Because most of the time, Philippians 4:13 is whipped out to expect or even force a change in a situation. But Paul used it to accept the situation, to find strength to endure the situation and to be content despite the situation.

A few years ago, Jonathan Merritt insightfully wrote on the misunderstandings surrounding this very popular verse, noting that Paul isn’t telling people they should dream bigger dreams. He is reminding them that they can endure the crushing feeling of defeat if and when those dreams aren’t realized. He’s not encouraging Christ followers to go out and conquer the world. He’s reminding them that they can press on when the world conquers them.

I think most of us, myself included, are much more driven by the “if onlys.” If only I had that, if only I could do this, if only I could go there, if only I could be with that person, then I could be happy. But what Paul wrote in Philippians is about living more deeply than that.

He didn’t live a life of the “if onlys,” he lived a life of the “as only.” Meaning, “as only” someone in a relationship with Christ can.

And that is what Philippians 4:13 is about. And if that is what is kept in mind, then yes,

…it deserves to go viral.

Sources

Anugrah Kumar, “Bible Gateway Lists Top 10 Searches Among 14 Billion Views in 25 Years,” The Christian Post, August 2, 2018, read online.

Jonathan Merritt, “Philippians 4:13: How Many Christians Misuse the Iconic Verse,” Religion News Service, January 16, 2014, read online.

This article originally appeared here.

Should I Marry Him?

By
Gary Thomas
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Should I marry Him?

William Law lived in a time (the 18th century) and place (England) where he believed a superficial and misguided education usually made young people worse rather than better. Young boys, he said, were fired with ambition and selfishness, trying to make a name by establishing themselves as better than others, which, of course, is the opposite of Christian character that seeks to serve others. Girls, Law complained, were told to find their value in outward appearance rather than character. They were more concerned about learning how to cover a blemish on their face, keep up with current gossip, learn how to excel in empty amusements and silly conversation, and maintain a slim waist, rather than growing in wisdom, building a strong faith, filling their lives with good deeds, and daily repenting of slander and vanity.

Thankfully, things have gotten much better in the last 250 years (ahem…).

When it comes to marriage, Law urges believers to avoid potential suitors who are more concerned with outward appearance—what they wear and the shape of their bodies—than they are with the inner qualities of humility, love and generosity. Though his language speaks to women in search of men, guys who want to follow his guidance can simply switch the genders. The truth is applicable to both.

Law urges women to let three things in particular guide their search for a husband.

First, Law says your future husband should be a person who has worked as diligently on his own character as you have on yours. If you’ve read Scripture and Christian books, and eagerly pursue sermons and Bible studies, make it your aim to find a man who does the same. If a guy you’re interested in can’t find the time to read, views sermons as a chore and far less interesting than the latest podcast, and if he accepts the vices of pride, lust, slander, malice and an easily ruffled temper without any concern or effort to leave them behind, he’s not fit to be your husband. In other words, don’t marry a man who takes his character less seriously than you take yours. If he has a strong body but a weak soul, if he can do a hundred push-ups but lacks the power to keep his eyes from undressing that waitress, he’s too weak for you where strength matters most.

Two, William Law says he must be “a friend to all your virtues.” Here’s what Law means by that: A suitable husband should want you to be what Christ wants you to be and value that above all else. Here’s what Jesus desires of you: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Col. 3:12). Does this guy want you to be compassionate, giving your money to those in need? Does he praise you for taking the time to be kind to others, or does he want you to be focused only on him? Does he value humility—that you don’t live to be noticed but to notice others, or does he want you to dress in a way that draws attention to yourself because that pleases him? Do you feel comfortable slandering people in his presence, or do you feel conviction? Does he think reaching out to the poor or socially awkward is an embarrassing waste of time and money, something that’s “beneath you,” or does he marvel at how your priorities mirror those of Jesus Christ? Is he proud that you want to share your faith, or embarrassed that your doing so might make others think less of him?

Third, the way you really know he’s a “keeper” is that you can’t imagine living “without the benefit of his example.” If you can say that the way he lives out his faith, worships God and inspires you to do the same is something you never want to lose, you’re making a wise choice based on all the right reasons.

Law thinks so little of romantic feelings that he doesn’t even mention them. I’ve interacted with numerous people who tell me they have found a person of great character and deep devotion, but they don’t have the “spark” or those “over the top” in-love feelings they think they should have. It makes me a bit sad when that’s all it takes to make them walk away. Perhaps there are many more people of character and deep devotion out there than I realize; it’s been a long time since I’ve been in the dating market. But if there’s not a lot out there, I’d be hesitant about letting one go.

What You’re Looking For

Ultimately, it comes down to this: Someone who lives to reflect, worship and enjoy Christ will want most of all to marry someone who has the same goals, aim and desires. Character, faith and priorities matter far more than appearance, income and emotions. So, find a man or woman who works as diligently on their character as you do yours (even above physical fitness, appearance and finances); who is a friend to your virtues (encouraging your growth instead of sabotaging it); and whose example of a Christ-like life is so inspiring, you never want to be without it.

(I am rarely asked about a dating situation that isn’t in some way already addressed in The Sacred Search. If you want to explore what it means to make a wise marital choice, I’d urge you to get the book or go through the DVD.)

This article originally appeared here.

The 4 Biggest Myths About Emotions You Probably Learned in Church

By
Marc Alan Schelske
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

What happens when your maps are wrong?

Imagine you’re a pioneer on your way to a new life. You’re crossing miles of unfamiliar terrain, so you’re glad to have a map along. With that map, you hope to steer clear of the worst dangers along the way.

What you don’t know is that your map is wrong. Will you get lost? Will you stumble into danger? You never know when you’re following a bad map.

In life, we get handed all kinds of maps. Some from parents. Some from teachers and pastors. These maps are ways of thinking about life. Often these maps are full of wisdom, but sometimes they contain myths. We follow them at our peril.

Many of us have received maps like this from the church about our emotional life. Here are four dangerous myths about emotions that you probably learned in church.

Myth 1. Emotions Always Lie.

If you grew up in the church, undoubtedly you heard a pastor say, “Whatever you do, don’t make an emotional decision.” Like all good myths, this one has a seed of truth in it. We can all name people who followed their emotions right off a cliff. (Maybe it was us!) Emotions spike with intensity. Sometimes in response we act in short-sighted, or self-destructive ways.

So, it’s not uncommon for Christians to think of emotions as temptations or distractions, to fear that emotions can only lead us astray. But that’s not true.

Response to Myth 1: Emotions always tell us something true.

Emotions don’t lie. They can’t. Emotions are like the check engine light on the dashboard of your car. That light is there to give you information vital for keeping your car in great working order.

In the same way, emotions exist to bring us information about our inner world and outer circumstances. Because of the way they are designed, emotions always tell us something true; it’s just not always the truth we think or expect.

This is why learning how to listen to our emotions is a vital part of maturing in Christ. We misunderstand or misinterpret our emotions for many reasons, including immaturity, inexperience and even sin. But that doesn’t mean our emotions are what led us astray.

Myth 2. Emotions Are Always Shallow and Transitory

Our experience with emotions is that they shift. They seem to come and go. How can something that seems so fickle be of use in making decisions?

If you experience a feeling that’s uncomfortable, what should you do? Worse, what if it’s a feeling that seems out of line with God’s will? The common pastoral advice is to double down on what you know to be true. Ignore the emotion, and trust that it will go away.

Again, this myth contains a kernel of truth. Emotions come and go. But when we ignore them, we set ourselves up in a dangerous position. Why?

Response to Myth 2: Emotions are messages from our deepest places, and they won’t just go away.

Here’s an example: You may wake up tomorrow not feeling as sad as you do today, but until you face your grief and deal with it, it will remain with you.

Trying to muscle up a happy attitude isn’t honest, and it’s not faithful. That sadness is telling you something important. What you lost mattered. You need to feel and process your grief.

God knows what you’re feeling, so pretending to feel something different doesn’t help you spiritually. It only distances you from an honest and intimate relationship with God.

When we deny our emotions or pretend to feel something else, there are always consequences. Suppressed anger will burst out at the wrong time with too much intensity. Denied hurt will bloom into bitterness. Ignored grief can bring depression.

It is not a mark of weak faith to admit and face our emotions. It’s the only path to an authentic relationship with our selves and God.

Myth 3. God Isn’t Emotional

Most of the pictures and movies I saw as a kid about Jesus portrayed him as some kind of dour, serene guru. But that’s not the Jesus of the New Testament.

The imagery many of us have in our minds about God—the stern old man with a long, white beard—is also nowhere to be found in scripture. It has more to do with classical stories about Zeus than it has to do with the God who is the father of Jesus.

These distant, reserved and unmoved pictures of God shape our spiritual imagination, and impact our view of emotions. But they are not what we find in the Bible.

Response to Myth 3: God is emotional, and our emotions were created in God’s image.

Read the gospels, and you will see Jesus comfortably express the full range of human emotion. There’s joy, happiness, compassion and love—like you’d expect. But there’s also some of the harder emotions. There’s frustration, anger, grief and maybe (depending on how you read the account of the Garden of Gethsemane) even fear.

Notice how God is portrayed in the Old Testament, and you’ll see a God who has chosen to be revealed in emotional terms, often embarrassingly so. Love, joy, jealousy, even wrath are all a part of God’s experience.

It may seem safer to think of God as unemotional, but it’s not biblical. The heart of emotional discipleship is discovering how our emotions are rooted in God’s character and learning how to express each emotion in ways that are loving.

Myth 4. The more like God you become, the less emotional you’ll be.

Ephesians 4 tells us that God’s project in our lives is to mature us in the image of Christ. We are invited to grow in godliness. But if our picture of God is one without emotions, what does that mean?

We’re left with the idea that the more scripture we learn, the more we pray, the more spiritually mature we are, the less emotional we’ll be.

Then, when we find ourselves overcome with sadness, or fear, some of us wonder if we’re failing as Christians. Would we feel sad, or afraid like this, if our faith was stronger?

Response to Myth 4: The more connected to God we become, and the more spiritually mature we grow, the more aware of our own emotions and the emotions of others we will be.

Growing in relationship with God always means coming closer to truth. Jesus told us that He is the truth and that the truth would set us free. One of the ways this happens is that we are set free from self-justification, denial and all the ways we distance from what’s really true.

In Romans 7, Paul gets brutally honest about his own sin and weakness. In 1 Timothy, he calls himself the “chief of sinners.” This isn’t false humility. This is the natural result of spiritual maturity, where we can acknowledge what is true about our hearts.

This is the most important reason why pursuing emotional growth as a part of discipleship matters. When we misunderstand or misinterpret our emotions, we hurt ourselves and the people around us. When we deny and repress our emotions, we limit our ability to be in intimate relationships, even with God.

We have emotions because they are a part of God’s design. They are purposeful. They are a vital and necessary part of a healthy life and a growing relationship with God.

If you are intrigued by this, or suspect it would be helpful to you to go deeper, you can learn more about all of this, including the scriptural background, in my new book, The Wisdom of Your Heart: Discovering the God-given Purpose and Power of Your Emotions.

Don’t let flawed maps lead you into broken relationships and spiritual stagnancy. Learn the truth about your emotions, and find yourself equipped to grow in a new way.

This article originally appeared here.

Andy Stanley: What Good Are the 10 Commandments? Not a Lot, Anymore

By
Stephanie Martin
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Andy Stanley
Screengrab Youtube @Rev. Paul Flynn

Pastor and author Andy Stanley has sparked controversy again by asserting that Old Testament laws, including the 10 Commandments, no longer apply to new-covenant Christians. In a Relevant magazine article titled “Why Do Christians Want to Post the 10 Commandments and Not the Sermon on the Mount?” Stanley asks, “If we’re going to create a monument to stand as a testament to our faith, shouldn’t it at least be a monument of something that actually applies to us?”

Jesus’ Greatest Commandment Replaces the Old, Stanley Says

Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta, argues that Jesus’ new commandment—to love one another (John 13:34)—“replaced all the old commandments.” Although the 10 Commandments “played a significant role in God’s creation of the nation of Israel,” he writes, “Jesus’ death and resurrection signaled the end of that covenant and all the rules and regulations associated with it.”

The result, Stanley says, is that Christians, as “participants in the new covenant,” are “not required to obey any of the commandments found in the first part of their Bibles.” Instead, they’re “expected to obey the single command Jesus issued as part of his new covenant: As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

He adds, “While Jesus was foreshadowed in the old covenant, he did not come to extend it. He came to fulfill it.”

Stanley Condemns ‘Mix and Match’ Theology

The church has a “terrible habit” of mixing the old and the new, Stanley says. Throughout history, such blending of covenants has led to mistreatment of people and to “unchristian behaviors and attitudes,” he notes. “Over and over, Christianity was weaponized in Jesus’ name.”

Stanley writes, “Imagine trying to leverage the Sermon on the Mount to start an inquisition, launch a crusade, or incite a pogrom against Jews.”

In his latest book, Irresistible: Reclaiming the New That Jesus Unleashed for the World, Stanley maintains that “careless mixing and matching of old and new covenant values and imperatives” is what makes “the current version of our faith unnecessarily resistible.”

Critics Say Stanley Is ‘Undermining’ Scripture

Stanley sparked an uproar last April by preaching that Christians should “unhitch” themselves from the Old Testament, just as first-century leaders eventually “unhitched the church from the worldview, value system and regulations of the Jewish scriptures.”

That sermon (based on Acts 15) and Stanley’s new book have led critics to accuse him of spreading heresies and confusion. Michael Brown, a Messianic Jewish author and radio host, says it’s possible to stand against legalism and celebrate the grace and “newness of the New Covenant without undermining [its] very foundations.”

Pastor Ray Ortlund, president of Renewal Ministries, notes that the Apostle Paul didn’t “unhitch” Christian faith from the Old Testament. “Christian conversion did not take his Jewishness away,” Ortlund says of Paul. “It made Jesus the Lord over his Jewishness and over his conscience, both of which he continues to honor.”

In response, Stanley says context is key—and that his statements are intended for post-Christians, who tend to reject biblical teachings.

Cyntoia Brown to Be Free, Thanks in Part to Local Pastor

By
Jessica Lea
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Outgoing Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam announced Monday that he is granting clemency to Cyntoia Brown, a woman given a life sentence as a minor for murdering and robbing a man who bought her for sex. Part of the reason for the governor’s decision, according to Fox 47 News, was that a local pastor and others advocated on Brown’s behalf.

“I am thankful for all the support, prayers and encouragement I have received,” Brown said in a statement responding to the news about her pardon. “We truly serve a God of second chances and new beginnings. The Lord has held my hand this whole time and I would have never made it without Him. Let today be a testament to His Saving Grace.”

The Tennessee Department of Corrections has a mentoring program through which a local pastor, Bishop Joseph W. Walker III, and his church were working with Brown. Walker has known Gov. Haslam for several years and spoke to the governor on the phone in December, asking him to show Brown leniency.

Extenuating Circumstances

Brown, now 30, was 16 when she shot Johnny Allen in the back of the head. Brown said she killed Allen because she thought he was reaching for a gun and she was afraid her life was in danger. She then took Allen’s guns and money to her pimp because she feared returning to him without anything. Brown was sentenced to life in prison for her crimes with a chance at parole after 51 years.

Walker is one of many of Brown’s advocates who have pointed out that Brown was a victim of human trafficking when she committed her crimes and that she has had an exemplary record of bettering herself during her time in prison. She currently has her associate’s degree and is working on her bachelor’s. Walker said that when he spoke with Haslam, he talked to the governor about “forgiveness and second chances.”

In the end, the governor agreed that Brown’s sentence was too harsh. Given that she was a juvenile when she committed her crimes, the time she has already served, and her “extraordinary steps…to rebuild her life,” Haslam said he believed she deserved mercy. “Transformation should be accompanied by hope.”

Fox 47 News reports that Tennessee has changed its laws for juveniles since Brown was sentenced. However, one of Brown’s attorneys said that her experience ought to spark change across the country: “We need to see this as a national awakening to change the Draconian laws that allow juveniles…to be placed in adult prisons when they’re just children.”

Walker says that when he met Brown for the first time, he noticed her generosity as well as her focus on her future and on serving other people.

This seems more than evident both by Brown’s behavior and her words. In her statement, she said, “With God’s help, I am committed to live the rest of my life helping others, especially young people. My hope is to help other young girls avoid ending up where I have been.”

Brown is scheduled for parole on August 7.

Scott Sauls: How To Be an Authentic Person (and Pastor)

By
Jason Daye
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Scott Sauls is the senior pastor of Christ Presbyterian Church in Nashville. Before this, he served with Tim Keller at New York City’s Redeemer Presbyterian Church as a lead and preaching pastor. Scott has written a handful of books including Irresistible Faith: Becoming the Kind of Christian the World Can’t Resist.

Key Questions for Scott Sauls

What do you think has been your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God to date?

How can pastors develop the discipline of responding to criticism well?

Key Quotes from Scott Sauls

“We have this version or picture of what the good life is supposed to look like for us, and God always has a different story to write than the one we envisioned of our lives, our families, etc. And that story that he is writing is always better.”

“One of the most influential things I’ve done as a pastor is become depressed and anxious and need counseling and medication and be flattened and incapacitated and emotionally unable to even carry on a conversation for a period of several weeks. That’s actually one of the very best contributions that I’ve made to the Kingdom of God is to be transparent and open about that season in my life.”

“That idea that we have to keep up the appearance of having it all together is a lot more of an American idea than it is a biblical one.”

“We have to be careful that whatever we’re sharing is giving more courage, and not less, to approach us and to trust us.”

“I wouldn’t put depression in the category of sin. It’s more of an affliction.”

“The best parents are not the ones who do everything right…The best parents are the ones who do raise the bar…on things like character and being responsible and regarding the preciousness of others…but they also very freely confess and repent and apologize when they don’t live up to bar that they set.”

“Any criticism we might receive [as pastors], whether true or not true, is probably less severe than the real story of how messed up we are.”

“Over the years, when I’ve been unfairly criticized, there’s usually something in there that I really needed to learn.”

Mentioned in the Show:

ScottSauls.com
Irresistible Faith
ChristPres.org

Preaching to the Spiritually Enslaved

By
Brad Whitt
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

One of the most impactful experiences I had as a young pastor in rural West Tennessee was my monthly visit to our local jail to preach to the inmates. Walking into the Tipton County Jail, I sensed the unmistakable institutional nature of my surroundings. The look of the guards as I approached their desk. The sound of my keys clanking in the small bowl on the cheap folding table next to the concrete wall. A final check of my pockets to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything and then stepping through the metal detector.

Once through security, the guard would escort me to where I was allowed to preach—literally through the bars of the cells—to those inmates willing to listen. The room was shadowy. The air was still and stale as I greeted the guys. Some I’d met before; others were new, curious about why I’d come.

As I began to share the gospel, some prisoners would gather close, showing interest; others would walk away. A few would try to argue or debate, but I wouldn’t take the bait. I was there to share the Good News of the Gospel and trust the Holy Spirit to speak to and change their hearts. Hardly a week passed when there weren’t one, two, three or more who would listen intently, respond personally and bow their head on the bars and trust Christ as Savior and Lord.

I remember one Thursday when I had the opportunity to preach to a young man who claimed to be a Muslim. He wasn’t interested at first but soon made his way closer to the side of the cell where I was. I shared about the Creator God who loved him so much that He came to earth, died on a cross, and rose from the dead so that he could have his sins forgiven and an eternal relationship with Jesus. When I asked if he would like to repent of his sins and trust Jesus as his Lord and Savior, he said yes. Standing there with the cold, metal, paint-chipped bars between us, that inmate prayed a sinner’s prayer and gave his heart to Christ.

Preaching to the Spiritually Enslaved

I will never forget what happened next. As I explained what he needed to do to grow in his new relationship with Jesus, he looked at me and asked, “Does this mean I can now eat barbecue?” I laughed and said, “Absolutely!”

In Luke 4, Jesus walked out of the wilderness in the power of the Spirit, returned to his hometown of Nazareth, entered his synagogue, opened the book to Isaiah’s prophecy and began to read:

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” – Luke 4:18-19

Jesus announced at the beginning of His ministry that He not only came to proclaim liberty to the captive, He came to set them free! He preached this radical truth and then went out and practiced it: delivering a demon-possessed man in the synagogue and others who were in demonic bondage. Throughout His ministry, Jesus set free those who were slaves of Satan, self and sin. By doing so, He was showing us that He came to set captives free.

We are called to preach the same message with the same purpose. All around us—in the streets where we walk and very often sitting in the pews as we preach—are people who are slaves to Satan, self and sin. They may not be physically behind bars, shackled like inmates in the Tipton County Jail, but they are spiritually enslaved. Jesus wants them to be free.

Jesus’ sermon in Luke 4 gives us a practical, pastoral example of how we should preach to the spiritually enslaved who need to be set free.

  1. Personally

Jesus read about Himself from Isaiah. “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me…” Jesus’ ministry is personal—both on His part and the part of those He came to deliver. It’s so personal He had to leave Heaven, come to earth, live with sinful people and die on the cross. Nobody else could do that. He couldn’t send someone in His place, couldn’t delegate His suffering and death. He had to get personally involved.

  1. Purposefully

Everything about Jesus’ life points to His purpose to redeem those in bondage. Why did Jesus come? Salvation. What does that look like? It looks like healing those brokenhearted by sin and restoring sight to those blinded by sin. Notice that in this scripture Jesus read that day we find two references to “liberty.” Thus, we must preach with the purpose of proclaiming the good news that Jesus came to set people free from sin that shackles them.

  1. Passionately

Jesus didn’t just speak about these things; He preached them, “proclaimed” them. There was no doubt urgency in His voice as He read the scripture for He knew why He’d come, where He was going, and what He would do when He got to Golgotha. His passion didn’t begin with His arrest in the garden; it marked His entire life and ministry.

  1. Our lesson

To see those enslaved by sin set free by the power of the risen Lord, we must follow the example of Jesus and get personally involved. We must be willing to go where they are to share the gospel and see them delivered from sin’s shackles. We must share the purpose of our Lord who is “not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” Our lives must be marked by a passion for doing whatever it takes to get the gospel to those who are subjugated by sin and see them set free by the Savior.

This article originally appeared here.

How to Start a Discipleship Group (D-Group)

By
Chris Swain
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Some of the best times to start a Discipleship Group (D-Group) are after the start of a new school year (usually in August) and after the first of a new year. If you are considering beginning a D-Group now, here are a few steps and ideas for structuring your time together for you to store away

How to Start a Discipleship Group

Pray

Pray about whom God would have you ask to be in your Discipleship Group (D-Group). When Jesus selected the 12 He would pour His life into, He prayed all night before selecting them.

During those days, he went out to the mountain to pray and spent all night in prayer to God. When daylight came, he summoned his disciples, and he chose 12 of them, whom he also named apostles. (Luke 6:12-13, CSB)

Approach

Approach those individuals God has put on your heart and ask them to be a part of the group. When asking them, you might say something like, “Would you like to get together each week with other believers to study the Bible, memorize scripture and pray together?”

Covenant

After the group is formed, covenant with them to be committed and accountable to one another. Explain that being accountable to one another means that you are “answerable to” and “responsible for” those in your group.

Invest

Invest your life into your Discipleship Group (D-Group) members for the next 12-18 months (we believe this to be the optimal time for a D-Group). Let them know that you are investing in them so that they can turn around at the end of your time together and do the exact same thing with others. This was the preferred practice of the Apostle Paul to raise up gospel workers.

What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, commit to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. (2 Timothy 2:2, CSB)

How to Structure Your Discipleship Group

Begin with prayer. Ask each participant to present one prayer request at the start of each meeting. Assign a person to pray over the requests, and ask the Lord to sharpen each of you through your relationship.

Here are some additional elements that your weekly meetings can include:

  • Have a time of intentional conversation by sharing the highs and lows of the week. You can also share celebrations and praises.
  • Quote your Scripture memory verses for the week.
  • Study the Word of God together. A great way to do this is to share HEAR journals from the week. The goal of studying the Bible is to apply the Word of God. Remember, knowledge without application is useless information.
  • Use questions like these to help kickstart group discussion:
    • What are you hearing from God, and what are you doing about it?
    • What is God teaching you, and how is it affecting your life?
  • Good application questions for examining a text:
    • What does this passage teach about God?
    • What does this passage teach about fallen humanity that requires the grace of God?
    • How does this text point to Christ?
    • Is there a promise to claim?
    • Is there an action or attitude to avoid or embrace?
    • Is there a principle to apply?
  • Spend a few moments asking questions and keeping each other accountable. You can’t expect what you don’t inspect. Remember, all accountability should be saturated with grace, not legalism.
  • Share prayer requests and close with prayer.

It is an exciting time to see new D-Groups form all around you, and during the first part of this year, we’ll keep providing a few tips to help you get started. Next week we will look at “best practices” for your first couple of D-Group meetings.

This article originally appeared here.

God Questions Kids Want to Ask

By
Vanessa Myers
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

If you could ask God any question, what would it be? That’s the question I posed to the kids at church this past Sunday. It was Mustache Night at KidVenture and I wanted to know what questions they “mustache” God.

We actually did this in both KidVenture and Kidz Church so all kids were able to participate. Our younger classes drew pictures for God and wrote at the top of their paper their questions, while our older kids wrote down their questions on speech bubble cut-outs. I then took all the questions and put them on our “We mustache God a question” bulletin board. It’s been fun watching everyone stop by and read these great questions.

The younger kids asked things like: How are my grandparents? Can you say hello to my kitten for me? How old are you? How do you make flowers? How are things in heaven?

Some of the questions were silly: When were t-shirts invented? Do you like pants? Do you like brussel sprouts? Are beards a mistake? Is Harry Potter real? Did you make the world with your nose? I think these were some of our older kids being silly!

However, there were some really good questions: Jesus, will you live in my heart forever? What is heaven like? What is the exact time and date of my death? Why did you create the world?

I enjoyed reading all of the questions from our kids. I love their innocence and simplicity in asking God their questions. Adults have deeper questions: Why did this happen to me? Why do good people die? Why did you have to take my loved one so young? Will you provide for me? Why do I have to tithe? Why is there evil in the world? Why isn’t there peace on earth? Do you really forgive us of all our sins? Are you there God?

You may be struggling in your life and in your ministry right now. You may be wondering if God even hears your prayers. Remember the story of Elijah from 1 Kings 19 when he fled to Mount Horeb because he feared for his life? He was wanting to hear from God so God told him to stand on the mountain for he was about to pass by. There came a strong wind, but he was not there. Then came an earthquake, but he was not there. Then a fire, but he was not there. After that there was complete silence. That is when he heard God speaking to him.

Many of you may be like Elijah, really wanting to hear from God, especially after something has happened in your life that has you questioning many things. Where is God and does he hear me? Yes, God is with you. Yes, God does hear you. Ask  your questions and then be silent and listen. God will speak.

What questions do you want to ask God today?

This article originally appeared here.

Rise Up: Choosing Faith Over Fear in Christian Ministry

 

Don’t miss Vanessa Myers’ new book Rise Up: Choosing Faith Over Fear in Christian Ministry. 

How to Plan an Amazing Quiet Time

By
Brandon Cox
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

How to Plan an Amazing Quiet Time

I’m convinced that the one thing that will change everything about your life for the positive is establishing a daily quiet time with God.

Your health will improve if you exercise daily. Your finances will improve if you manage your budget daily. And in the same way, your soul will increase in health and maturity if you practice the discipline of spending time every single day—as early in your day as possible—alone and in quiet with God.

A friend recommended that I read the best-selling book on self-improvement from Hal Elrod called Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8 am). It was a fantastic read, but the entire time I was reading it I was thinking, this isn’t new information—this is very, very old.

The fact is, I’ve been practicing the habit of a daily quiet time with God since I entered adulthood. There have been seasons when I’ve been less consistent than others, but when I’ve practiced this discipline faithfully, it’s been the single most influential practice in building my life from the inside out.

I don’t believe we should approach this discipline legalistically. It’s not a matter of performing it in order to earn God’s favor. Rather, we practice this spiritual discipline as a pathway to freedom, to growth, and to new levels of spiritual maturity and closeness to God and confidence in our identity.

One of the reasons we struggle to start and maintain this practice is that we over-complicate it. We make it a ritual, with rules attached about what we can and cannot do in order to call it a real quiet time.

I wanted to share the plan that I’ve followed for years now because I believe in it. I’ve seen it change my life in countless ways.

6 Elements of a Daily Quiet Time With God

You may have heard of the ACTS prayer, which stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. I incorporate this into my prayer time, but I break it up. And you might also have heard of the observe-interpret-apply method of reading and studying the Bible. I combine these two ideas and break my own time each morning into six basic elements…

1. Adoration

I always open with adoration—with praising God, which reminds me of his greatness and his proper place of prominence in my life. My adoration centers around two questions…

Who is God? What quality or attribute can I praise Him for today?

This first question has nothing to do with anything God has done for me, like providing financially or giving me health. It’s not about me at all. It’s entirely about him. I’m reminded that he deserves praise and adoration simply because he is God, and he is good and worthy of my worship.

The second question is more personal and experiential…

What has God done in, around and through me?

2. Confession

This part is simple, but painful. I think about the question,

What sin or fault in my life do I need to honestly confess to God?

And I try to be as specific with God as possible about it.

3. Meditation.

The meditation phase is where I stop and do some reading and studying and, more importantly, listening and processing.

I choose a passage of Scripture—sometimes a verse, sometimes a chapter, sometimes several chapters—and I start reading. While I’m reading, I try to answer these questions…

What does this passage say about God?

What does this passage say about me and my walk with God?

What do I need to change in order to walk in obedience to this passage?

I may also supplement this time with readings from other books, especially devotionals. A few of the devotionals I’ve used in the last few years include:

And of course, I also subscribe to the daily emails (and I use the app) from Pastor Rick Warren’s Daily Hope!

4. Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is the essential antidote to negativity of any kind. This is where I simply answer,

What are some of the things I have to thank God for today?

5. Supplication.

Supplication is a fancy word for begging, or asking earnestly. One of the primary words for prayer in the Bible simply means asking. God delights in our willingness to express faith in him by asking him for things.

I answer two questions here:

What do I need to pray for in my life?

This may include God’s provision of daily bread, of financial resources, of health or wisdom or confidence. It could include certain goals I’m trying to work toward or healing for pain points in my heart.

Whom do I need to pray for around me?

I keep a list of people that I pray for daily that includes my family, my church, my friends, my civic leaders, and people with both spiritual and physical needs.

6. Declaration.

In this final phase of my quiet time, I take all that I’ve learned and heard from God and declare what is true.

The enemy constantly prowls around in our lives looking for ways to distract and discourage us. Truth from God is the ultimate weapon against these subtle attacks.

I believe we begin to live out what we verbally declare. I don’t mean that in any kind of mystical sense. Rather, I believe that when I affirm a truth in my mind and with my mouth, my life begins to lean in that direction.

I keep a list of declarations that I say out loud every morning. I won’t share them all, but here are a few…

I am a child of the King.
And he is worthy of worship!

He has created, saved, called
and equipped me for his purposes.

I thrive freely under grace
and stand firm on the truth of God’s word.

He gives me his promises of his presence,
his protection, his provision and his power.

God’s got this!

I am in control of my thoughts and feelings,
and I choose joy.

I reject passivity and lead with bold confidence.
I love and value people.

I am filled with God’s Spirit
and wearing God’s armor:
– the belt of truth
– the breastplate of righteousness
– shoes of peace from the gospel
– the helmet of salvation
– the shield of faith
– the sword of the spirit, the word of God

I am ready for the fight.
I can do hard things.

Nothing can stop me
because God is for me!

I would strongly urge you to adopt this practice. It’s life-changing! It sets the tone for your day and establishes the direction you’ll lean in as you walk with God until you go to sleep at night.

I’m truly convinced that this one practice—a daily quiet time with God—is the one single thing that changes everything! It’s how we grow our relationship with God and cultivate a mind filled with peace, joy and assurance.

I recommend doing this as early in your day as possible. You’ll have to decide when is best. It may be before anyone else wakes up. It may be after you’ve dropped kids off at school and headed back home to a quiet house. Just be sure to choose the time when your mind is sharpest and most of your day lies ahead.

Just to re-cap the plan:

  • Adoration (praise God)
  • Confession (confess sin)
  • Meditation (read, study and listen)
  • Thanksgiving (thank God for things)
  • Supplication (ask and make requests)
  • Declaration (declare divine truth)

You can do this! And you can start today!

This article originally appeared here.

The 6 Biggest Misconceptions About the Bible (and God)

By
Jeff Anderson
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

Considering going to the movies this holiday season? You already have preconceptions about many of the films at the theater—and even opinions on the actors and director. And that’s OK. It’s one way we make daily choices, based on past information and experience.

But how many of us pretend to have a “conclusion” about God, based on rumors and reviews? My hunch is that there’s a dullness—based on conscious and subconscious wrong thinking—that keeps people away from the Bible.

Here are six of the biggest misconceptions about the Bible, which form a lasting (and false) impression about God.

  1. Bible Stories Are Disturbingly Violent (Therefore God Is Violent)

Yes, there are violent stories in the Bible. The Old Testament feels like an endless list of casualty records—big battles, and non-stop bloodshed. (Read Joshua and Judges for some stories “Rated R for Intense Violence.”)

What’s the reason for all this death? And the bigger question: Why was God involved in helping the Israelites to wipe out their enemies?

Maybe there’s more to the story.

Genesis 3:15 is one of the most foundational verses in the Bible. In fact, it sets up the story of the entire Bible. Not only is there a promised Seed—this verse is also a declaration of war.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel.

Within hours of the fall of the first man and woman, the gracious redemption plan was unveiled: The Seed would bring justice—through the family of Adam and Eve.

But it wouldn’t be quick. And it wouldn’t be easy. God takes his time (about 4,000 years) and gives humankind the freedom to fight. God is faithful to protect His promise, and protect The Seed, even if it means confronting those who tried to destroy it.

When you understand the Seed, and the promise of His redemption, the battles of the Bible start to make sense.

What if God is not a bully but is a protector?

  1. The Bible Is Random

Sure, the compilation of books can seem clunky at times—history books followed by poetry books and then an assortment of prophecy books. And our modern Bible is not exactly chronological—that can create challenges, too.

But with a view of the Bible’s big picture, and understanding of the Seed strategy, the Bible becomes less random and more of a thriller. (Or, less Hallmark movie and more action-suspense.)

  1. The Old and New Testaments Don’t Align

Why, all of the sudden, does the killing end (most of it, anyway) as we enter the New Testament? Why the shift in strategy—from destruction of enemies to “turning the other cheek”?

One clear explanation is that The Seed had arrived—finally!—Jesus had fulfilled the role foretold in Genesis Chapter 3.

The reason the Old and New Testaments don’t seem to align is because God’s strategy changed.

The Old Testament strategy (Genesis 3:15) was to bring about this promised Seed, at all costs. The New Testament strategy was not to protect the Seed. Rather it was time for the Seed to die!

Christ died, was resurrected to life, and then returned to heaven. The Seed accomplished His mission. There’s no need to fight—not yet.

The Genesis 3:15 strategy progressed to a John 3:16 strategy—sharing a message of hope and life.

  1. Prophecies Are Confusing and Frightening

There’s actually some truth here. The book of Revelation is a bit deep and dreadful, and can evoke emotions of fear and confusion.

Revelation speaks to a future season when things will be heating up again. There will be a return to warfare before the final death-blow to the serpent (the promise of Genesis 3:15 will finally be complete).

Revelation also attributes to the seemingly-random nature of the Bible. Why, after the Old Testament, does the earth enter a season of peace and grace, only to be whipsawed right back into judgment?

Consider Revelation as one of three “acts” of the Bible.

There are the Old and New Testaments—and a Future Testament (Revelation).

The New Testament is not a radical shift from the Old Testament, but rather a middle scene, before the final battle which leads to the restoration of all things.

With time and study, Bible readers can learn more about these prophecies. But seeing the Bible’s big picture can help.

  1. I Can’t Read the Bible

We all know the Bible is eleven-billion words, and is impossible to read in a lifetime, right? Actually, the Bible is only 783-thousand words—about the length of 10 novels. You can read it in 60 days, in an hour per day.

An audio Bible takes about 75 minutes a day of simple listening. (And the concept of listening to the Bible being read is a scriptural concept. See Deuteronomy 31, Joshua 8, 2 Kings 23, and Nehemiah 8.)

  1. I Can’t Understand the Bible

“Bible scholars” sometimes give the impression that it takes eight years of university and 10 years in a cave to comprehend the Bible. Who has time for that?

And if you’ve ever tried a hopscotch 365-day reading plan, scripture seems even more disjointed. Deep dive studies are important, but can make us think we must completely understand every facet of every verse in order to enjoy God’s Word.

You don’t have to know everything to learn many things. So, what’s holding you back?

Don’t Watch the Movie—Read the Book.

When you’ve heard a movie has “senseless violence” or is directed by a “creep,” it’s usually good to steer away from media that doesn’t lift you up. But misconceptions about the Bible can keep you from reading the Bible—which can keep you from seeing the big picture and knowing a powerful, loving God.

So don’t rely on rumors, ratings or trailers to judge the Bible. Don’t rely on my review. Read the Book.

You can read the entire Bible in 60 days, in just an hour per day. My free reading plans and commentary will help you see the beautiful, and stirring, storyline of creation.

Jeff Anderson speaks and writes about walking with God and leading your family into deeply rooted faith. He’s the author of Plastic Donuts, Divine Applause (Multnomah/Random House) and Power Read the Bible. www.PowerReadTheBible.com

Caring for a Friend With a History of Promiscuity and/or Abortion

By
Brad Hambrick
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

In my role as a Pastor of Counseling, I am frequently asked questions on topics that individuals believe are too uncomfortable or awkward to discuss with others. Many times people are unsure how to put into words what they want or need to know. It doesn’t mean I’m an expert on the question’s answer; it usually just means I am a safe place—implication: You don’t have to be an expert to be a safe place (i.e., good friend).

Recently, I was asked one of those questions: “What does the process of redemption and restoration look like for a person scarred by a past that includes multiple sex partners and abortions?”

Within this question, there seems to be several unstated questions:

  • Is anything different about redemption for sexual sins or abortion?
  • What don’t I know about these experiences? What do I need to understand?
  • What inaccurate assumptions am I most likely to make?
  • How do I navigate subjects where my instincts are significantly shaped by moral-political debates, instead of conversations of personal care?
  • How do I avoid making this interaction feel like an “us-them” conversation, while also acknowledging the experiences being discussed are traumatic in nature (for my friend)? How can I be sensitive to this reality, knowing that my friend is allowing me into, perhaps, the most vulnerable part of her story?

I hope you are saying, “Yes, those are the questions I wanted to ask, but may not have had words for.” In this post, I am not going to provide expert-level background information on the impact of multiple sexual partners or abortion. Instead, I am going to offer more general guidance on how to care well when you’re having a conversation on an emotionally-powerful subject that contains a strong mix of sin and suffering.

First, redemption begins with listening because Jesus’ ministry began with incarnation.

Jesus entered our world by humbling himself, in the form of a child. We enter another person’s world by humbling ourselves enough to listen. Whenever you are not sure what to say, focus on being a really good listener. Enter their experience and, thereby, help them feel less alone and alienated.

  • Start by saying “thank you” for being entrusted with such a delicate part of your friend’s story. Acknowledge the courage in your friend’s disclosure and the special privilege you are being granted to walk with them.

Second, redemption allows listening to breed empathy, because we imitate a High Priest who is able to empathize with our weaknesses and temptations (Hebrews 4:15).

When Jesus had a conversation like the one we’re describing, his new friend was amazed at how well he understood her without shaming her (John 4:29). If we are an effective ambassador of Christ, our friend will feel the same.

  • Allow yourself to be moved by the hurt, confusion, betrayal, trauma, shame and other emotions in her story. We’ll talk more, later in this article, about how to minister effectively. But we earn the privilege of walking with someone, and the right to be heard, by being able to empathize with their experience.

Third, redemption honors the pace at which an individual is able to move forward, because we are ambassadors of the Good Shepherd.

Notice the pace of Psalm 23: they are walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death (v. 4). Good shepherds don’t go faster than the condition of the sheep allows.

  • In your mind, make sure you are thinking of conversations and not a conversation. We often represent Christ poorly when we rush by being too concerned with “having the right answer” that “makes things better.” This is why so many unhelpful things are said at funerals. Often, the most important skill in being helpful is the ability to patiently be uncomfortable with someone who is uncomfortable.

Fourth, redemption shows interest in the whole person, because redemption is about all of life.

No one chapter of any person’s life defines his or her whole life. Shame often tempts us to define our entire lives by our most painful moments. One of the unique opportunities of friendship and pastoral ministry—that is different from formal counseling—is that the relationship does not have to be problem-focused.

I’m a Complementarian and I Read Books by Women Writers

By
Tim Challies
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Father’s Day program ideas for church

I wonder if you have ever noticed that Christian books authored by women writers tend to be written for women, while Christian books authored by men tend to be written for both men and women. Books authored by women tend to have feminine covers, while books authored by men tend to have neutral, not masculine, covers. In general, men write with a voice that reaches both genders, while women write with a voice that reaches just one. This perplexes me. It troubles me.

I am complementarian. I believe God has designed men and women to have distinct, complementary roles in the home and the church. While men and women are equal in nature and worth, God means for them to function differently in these key areas. Within the home, God expects the husband to lead and the wife to freely and joyfully submit to his leadership. Within the church, God expects all members to minister to one another using every God-given gift, but that only qualified men will hold the office of elder. I have searched the Bible, I have read extensively, and I am confident this is God’s will for his people.

Yet I gladly read books written by women. This is true whether the books are written specifically for women or whether they are written for a general audience. This is true whether they speak to issues related to Christian living, theology or Bible-teaching. In every case I am glad to read them and glad to learn from them.

For some Christians, this is obvious and unremarkable. Yet for others, including many complementarians, this may come as a shock. Some Christians hold that a proper understanding of gender roles demands that women must not write theological works at all or, at the very least, that men must not read them. I disagree. To the contrary, I believe we can and must encourage women to write these books and that men can gladly and confidently read them for the benefit of their own souls.

No Exclusive Gift

Though there are a couple of roles God gives exclusively to men (elder, husband), there are no gifts he gives exclusively to men. Instead he dispenses his gifts to men and women alike. By gifts I refer to the spiritual gifts God grants to each of his people so we can use them for the benefit of other believers. Every Christian has gifts, and we do well to discover and express them.

As far as I can tell, there are no gifts reserved exclusively for either gender. There are reserved roles, but not reserved gifts. If men can be gifted in leadership, so can women. If men can be gifted in teaching, so can women. Likewise, if women can be gifted in hospitality or administration, so can men. The expression of the gifts may differ, so that female hospitality may look different from male hospitality, or female teaching may differ from male teaching. But the gifts themselves are not exclusive to one sex or the other.

No Exclusive Ability

As gifts are shared across the sexes, so is ability. As God gives gifts to both genders, so does he supply the ability to use those gifts. Women can handle the Word of God every bit as capably as men. Women can accumulate knowledge to the same degree as men and with the same degree of precision. God has made us equal in this way. While the Bible does refer to women as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7), it refers here only to physical strength, not strength of character or intellect.

No Exclusive Wisdom

Men and women are equal in gifts and equal in ability. They are also equal in wisdom. Both men and women are able to learn, to understand, to interpret, to apply. Both men and women can know the facts of the Christian faith, both can have a deep knowledge of Scripture, both can have insight that allows them to apply this knowledge to life’s circumstances. Women can be theologians in the same sense that men can be theologians—they can have a deep knowledge of God, his Word, his will, his ways. In fact, when the book of Proverbs personifies wisdom it does so in the character of Lady Wisdom, not Sir Wisdom.

One Exclusive Role

God gifts men to teach, he makes them capable, and he fills them with wisdom. He expects they will use their gift, their ability and their wisdom for the good of others. God gifts women to teach, he makes them capable, and he fills them with wisdom. He expects they will use their gift, their ability and their wisdom for the good of others. What distinguishes men from women in the church is not gifts, ability or wisdom, but role. For his own purposes, God has determined that men will take the leadership role in the church, including the public teaching of the gathered congregation. There is no indication that he has made this determination on the basis of gifting, ability or wisdom.

Your church probably has some gifted male teachers. If these men meet the biblical qualifications related to character, they may (or could or should) be your elders. Your church probably has some gifted female teachers. It is both possible and likely there are women in your church who have all the character and all the gifts of your pastors. While God does not open the office of elder to these women, the church should still encourage them to use their teaching gift, and it should generate opportunities for them to do so. One way some gifted women express their gift is through writing.

I believe this a valid expression of the teaching gift whether those women write exclusively for women or whether they write for men and women. Why? Because this writing ministry does not usurp the authority of husbands or elders. Their books pose no threat to a husband’s or church’s leadership. They do not challenge a complementarian understanding of the Bible. These authors are simply expressing their God-given gift as a means of blessing God’s people.

Encouragement

So I encourage Christian women to write and to do so with confidence that this is an affirmation, not a denial, of complementarianism. I encourage Christian women and their publishers not to restrict themselves to women’s versions of books on important subjects.

Ukrainian Church Celebrates First Christmas Out From Under Russia’s Thumb

By
Jessica Lea
-
Father’s Day program ideas for church

On Monday, January 7, the Ukrainian Orthodox Church held its first service after splitting from Russia. The New York Times reports that the break was made official on Jan 6 in Istanbul (still recognized by the Orthodox Church as Constantinople) when Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I gave a Tomos of Autocephaly to Metropolitan Epifaniy, the Ukrainian Church’s new leader.

“Today, our Orthodox Church is ready for independent existence,” said Ukraine’s president, Petro O. Poroshenko, who was present during the ceremony. “The Ukrainian people thank God and what has happened is a true miracle, which we owe to the Creator’s will.”

The Ukrainian Orthodox Church’s first service since the split celebrated the Christmas holiday. Orthodox churches follow the Julian calendar and observe Christmas on January 7 instead of on December 25.  

At the service, Metropolitan Epifaniy, along with President Poroshenko, brought the newly received Tomos into Kiev’s St. Sophia Cathedral. Hundreds of people stood for two hours in the snow, watching the service on screens outside of the cathedral because there was no room inside it. They also waited in line afterward to see the Tomos.

Tensions With Russia

The Russian Orthodox Church is strongly opposed to the Ukrainian Church’s decision to break away from its authority. In an interview, the head of the Russian Orthodox Church, Patriarch Kirill, has said that the split will ruin the Orthodox Church in Ukraine and called the situation “a theatre of the absurd.” When Patriarch Bartholomew announced in October he would be giving the Ukrainian Church permission to break away from Russia, the Russian Orthodox Church cut ties with Constantinople.

In both Russia and Ukraine, the Orthodox Church is closely tied to the government, so the schism between to the two churches is highly political. Because Russian President Vladimir Putin often uses the Russian Orthodox Church to validate his decisions, the situation impacts the Russian government as well as the Russian church.

For its part, the Ukrainian church has been seeking to break away from the Russian church ever since Ukraine achieved political independence following the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. This desire has only increased since Russia annexed Crimea in 2014. It’s also hard to ignore the fact that President Poroshenko has an election coming up in March and that the religious split is politically advantageous for him. Notably, he ended his speech in Istanbul by saying, “Glory to God! Glory to Ukraine!”  

Ukrainian border officials recently seized a shipment of Russian Patriarch Kirill’s Christmas message, stating their reason was that it transgressed “customs formalities.” Despite that claim, it’s hard not to think that the detainment is connected to the divide between the churches.

It is unclear what the long-term ramifications of this religious divide will be. One potential consequence is violence. The New York Times reports:

There has been concern that the schism dividing the Ukrainian and Russian churches could provoke violent clashes over church property, not least the famous monastery in central Kiev revered as the birthplace of Russian Christianity. President Vladimir V. Putin himself warned of that possibility last month.

Harvest to Drop Lawsuit Against Critics

By
Megan Briggs
-
Father’s Day program ideas for church

Harvest Bible Chapel has released a statement announcing its intention to drop the lawsuit it filed in October 2018 against writer Julie Roys, the authors of the blog TheElephantsDebt.com, and the authors’ wives. The decision comes after the court ruled to deny Harvest’s request that the defendants be prevented from continuing their investigation and that the information they had already found not be publicized.

“We receive these outcomes as God’s direction and have instructed our legal counsel to drop the suit entirely,” the statement reads. While the statement indicates the elders still believe the action on the part of the defendants is “illegal,” and that the information published about the church is “false and distorted,” they feel they are fighting a losing battle in the court at this point.

Harvest Bible Chapel Was Surprised by the Judge’s Decision

The elders were surprised by the decision from the judge, calling it “contrary to expectation and legal precedent.”

The authors of TheElephantsDebt.com, Ryan Mahoney and Scott Bryant, have been covering the iterations of the lawsuit leveled against them. On January 7, 2019, when the court ruled against Harvest’s request to keep the information discovered private, the bloggers wrote a post explaining the two motions Harvest requested:

The first of these motions was a Emergency Motion for a Protective Order. In short, this motion sought to have the judge “seal” any documents that had been returned thus far via the discovery process. As you know, subpoenas had been sent to the following individuals: Brian White, Maida Korte, David Wisen and Rob Williams. All parties, including the Plaintiffs, had already received copies of these documents that had been returned by White, Wisen and Williams; and thus all parties knew exactly what these documents contained. [James] MacDonald and Harvest were essentially asking the Judge to prevent these documents from being made public.

The second motion, which was a Motion to Stay Discovery, attempted to ask the court to put a halt to all further discovery until the three Motions to Dismiss were heard later this spring. Put another way, the plaintiffs were attempting to have the Judge bar the defendants from conducting any further discovery until sometime after the month of March and/or April.

As they explained, because the judge denied both motions, “the defendants in this case are free to continue to send subpoenas to relevant parties; and they are free to publish legally appropriate materials.”

Roys, in particular, used subpoenas to garner information for the World Magazine article she wrote on the various grievances former staff and elder board members have against Harvest and its leader, James MacDonald, specifically. The grievances range from the mishandling of funds to the supposedly domineering nature in which MacDonald runs the church.

In a recent radio interview, Roys acknowledged she has information that has not yet been released. She says she is praying about when and how to release the information and asked for those listening to pray with her. “I want to do it in a way that is proper and brings glory to God and furthers the Kingdom…sometimes that involves telling the unfortunate truth,” Roys said. 

Many who have followed the story from its beginning see Harvest’s announcement as proof they are more concerned with what else their critics may find, and ultimately, what will be publicized than they are with allowing the truth to be told.

Hope of Reconciliation Is Faint

While Harvest’s elder board may be surprised by the ruling of the judge, some language in their statement indicates they may be aware changes are necessary in order for Harvest to continue functioning. The statement speaks of the need to “focus our energies on continued growth in personal and organizational faults we have owned.”

The elders also write they are willing to meet with the defendants “for a face-to-face resolution of grievances.”

This point, in particular, raised the hackles of Mahoney and Bryant, who wrote an open letter to MacDonald and the elders in response. In it, they outline three public steps they believe MacDonald should take if he is serious about a resolution. First, they ask he come clean about including their wives in the lawsuit, a move they saw as unwarranted. They believe the reason for this decision was to disrupt their families. Mahoney and Bryant are asking MacDonald to admit he mislead people when he talked about the lawsuit and only mentioned three of the defendants, in their eyes conveniently leaving out the fact that he was including their wives as well.

Secondly, Mahoney and Bryant request MacDonald admit he lied about the two former members’ track records while serving Harvest. MacDonald claims Bryant became disgruntled after not receiving a teaching position he had requested. The letter claims this is untrue, that Bryant never requested such a position. As for Mahoney, MacDonald claims he was disciplined three times while on staff as a teacher at Harvest Christian Academy and that he negated MacDonald’s sermons and spread misinformation while on staff. Again, the letter claims these statements are not true.

Finally, Mahoney and Bryant request MacDonald pay for the legal fees the defendants have incurred as a result of “this unnecessarily damaging lawsuit.”

As far as Roys is concerned, the judge’s decision to deny Harvest’s motions is “a real victory for freedom of speech, and it’s also a victory for truth.”

How to Create a Personal Growth Plan for this Year

By
Randy Davis
-
Father’s Day program ideas for church

We all have a tendency to dream about a better future. As children we dream of future activities and accomplishments. As we get older and a little more mature we refine those dreams, make them into New Year’s resolutions or even better we write them out as goals. When do these good ideas become a real personal growth plan?

However, a written goal is just a statement until we put action to it. John Greenleaf Whittier wrote, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.'”

For me, I desire to be a better person a year from now than I am today. I want to be growing in my journey with Jesus. I want to grow to be a better husband and father. I want to keep growing as a leader. I want to grow.

The reality is growth doesn’t just happen; I have to work at it. If you want to grow, you have to work at it. So I decided a personal growth plan was in order. I will admit I have looked for that quick and easy plan to grow my spiritual life, my personal life and even in my leadership development. I have looked at what others have done and tried to “borrow” it, but there is no one size fits all growth plan. God made us different and so the specifics of our personal growth plans will be different. They will have similarities, but we are different so our growth plans should be different.

So how do we create a personal growth plan in our spiritual journey, our personal growth or our leadership development? We start by understanding some realities of growth.

5 REALITIES OF GROWTH: CREATING A PERSONAL GROWTH PLAN

1. Growth Starts by Following First.

Leonard Sweet wrote in his book I AM A FOLLOWER; “Over the last three decades, there has been a seismic shift across the landscape of the church… Seminars and conferences have become trendy leadership fitness centers. Titans of business and megachurch pastors serve as leadership fitness trainers, while books and periodicals deliver leadership steroids and growth hormones. The goal of such industry? To create better leaders, stronger leaders, to make and multiply leaders… Jesus didn’t recruit leaders for his ministry. He didn’t go to the local synagogue and place a notice on the bulletin board, announcing that he was taking resumes and setting up interviews for potential leaders. (Only the best and the brightest need apply.)… Jesus wasn’t looking for leaders at all. Jesus was looking for followers.” Any growth starts by following. Anything we hope to accomplish, any new level of spiritual, personal or leadership growth, begins by following the creator of all things! If you want to grow, start by taking time to Follow Jesus. This sounds simple, right? We are all there, right? Set an appointment with Jesus. Listen to the plan He has for your growth.

2. Growth is up to God, but you have to do the work.

Gary Newton, one of my former professors, discusses in his book Growing Towards Spiritual Maturity, Growth is up to God, but our effort diligence and responsibility for growth is ours. As we follow first, God will show us what to do, but we have to do it! No one is going to do all the heavy lifting of our growth plans for us. We have to do the work. We want to grow in our Journey with Jesus, we have to do what it takes.

3. Growth has to have a stretch in it.

John Maxwell talks about the Law of the Rubber Band in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. He states, “God’s gift to us: potential. Our gift to God: developing it. How do we do that? By getting out of our comfort zone. By continually stretching—not only physically but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Life begins at the end of our comfort zone. We go there by stretching.” Any kind of growth we are looking for will have to involve a stretch for us. If there is no stretch out of our comfort zone, there is no growth.

4. Growth is about moving forward.  

This connects to the last point, “Growth equals change. If you want to get better, you have to keep changing and improving.” (John Maxwell, The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.) This has everything to do with our dreams and desires. If we are not growing we are not changing. If we want things to be different we have to create a personalized growth plan and work the plan. It is all about moving forward.

5. Growth is not a journey to take alone.

Follow First implies that we would not venture into a growth plan alone. The reality is many start by following and then find a rabbit trail to follow. If we are going to grow, we need to be sure that others are helping us along the way. Take some time to look into your past. Most of us will see the number of people that have helped us up to this point. Maybe it was a parent, youth pastor, teacher or coach. If they helped us get this far, shouldn’t we be looking for others to go with us on the next part of the journey?

So what do you dream about? What do you want to see change in your life during this next year? “To reach your potential you must grow. And to grow, you must be highly intentional about it” (John Maxwell, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth). Growth is not an accidental occurrence. Growth is something we plan for and work toward. So learn to follow well, work at it, be willing to stretch, and change.

Questions: In what areas of your life do you want to see growth?

Are you willing to do the work to grow with a personal growth plan?

After listening to Jesus, what is your next step?

This article originally appeared here.

How to Love a Prodigal Son or Daughter

By
Ed Stetzer
-
Father’s Day program ideas for church

Many Bible stories remain unknown and unheard by most people living in a 21st century culture. But others have actually become fixtures in our everyday verbiage and lingo—stories like Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son.

The story has many components and much to unpack for biblical exegetes and theologians alike, but the main point of the plot line is simple: A father has two sons—one of them leaves, squanders his inheritance, and later returns in desperation looking for forgiveness. The father, with joy, embraces his wayward son and celebrates his return. The father’s other son becomes frustrated with the situation, focusing primarily on his own obedience and his brother’s flamboyant sin.

The story, besides offering us a chance to analyze compelling themes related to a father’s love for his son and a brother’s ungracious heart, also serves as a picture of God’s own saving work in each of our lives. We see the father (the God figure) running to greet his son (the prodigal son), who, like us, receives forgiveness, despite how undeserving he really is.

It’s a story that points us straight to grace and to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The story of the prodigal son.

Some parents out there might read this story and pick up on grace, the gospel and themes related to God’s love. But many also can’t help but see their own family’s story sitting there between the lines. Some know all too well the challenges of loving a child who leaves not just the home, but the faith as well.

As a part of one of the first research projects I led at LifeWay Research, we conducted a study to look at the number of students who drop out of the church after high school or during their college years.

For many years, people have based their thoughts on this subject on the findings of one particularly famous study that suggested that 86 percent of evangelical youth drop out of church after high school never to return again.

This study, for the record, is not a real study.

What we found based on the study we conducted at LifeWay Research was that about 70 percent of young adults who attended church in high school do end up dropping out of the church during their college years. Their participation in high school can be minimal—only a year—to fully qualify as ‘involved’ in church. Many come back.

It’s also important to know that many of these dropouts were unplanned—80 percent did not initially expect to leave the church during high school. College life brings with it many twists and turns lending itself to brand new levels of busyness and distraction. Young adults find themselves outside of their parents’ home for the first time and often have to start asking the hard questions and making their own decisions about how to spend their time.

For many parents right now watching their kids slowly transition away from the church, it can be all too common to experience feelings of confusion, fear and a lingering sense of failure. Parents often blame themselves for their child’s poor decision-making long after they leave the home.

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