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10 Ways to Handle Conflict in a Healthy Way

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How to Handle Conflict

Where life involves people—whether among family, friends or co-workers—there will be potential for conflict.

Any disagreement there?

Want to fight about it? ??

In fact, if relationships are normal, conflict is inevitable.

But, conflict doesn’t have to destroy relationships. It can actually be used to make relationships better. That takes intentionality, practice—and a whole lot of grace.

In an organizational sense, conflict is certainly a huge part of a leader’s life. Even in a pastor’s life.

It stands to reason that learning how to handle conflict successfully should be one of our goals as leaders.

Here are 10 ways on how to handle conflict:

Understand the real source of conflict.

What’s the real battle? Many times we address symptoms, but we really aren’t even addressing with the main issue. This only wastes time, frustrates people and makes the conflict linger longer. It’s usually a heart issue that is controlling everything being said (Proverbs 4:23). Discovering that is key. Make sure you ask lots of questions and attempt to clarify the root issue of the conflict. (This is where a third party help is often needed.)

Find the right time and place.

When emotions are high is not good timing for dealing with conflict. Personal conflict should not be handled in public. Don’t be afraid to schedule a time to address the conflict.

Examine yourself first.

Sometimes the issue is personal to you and you are only blaming others for your problem. Not only is this unfair, it doesn’t lead to a healthy resolution of conflict. Look carefully at the “plank” in your own eye (Matthew 7:3-5).

Consider the other person’s side of the conflict.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider their viewpoint (Philippians 2:4). Why would they think the way they think? Is it a difference in personal values or a misunderstanding? What if I were in their situation—how would I respond?

Do not overreact to the issue or overload on emotion.

Stick to the issue at hand. When emotions are exaggerated it disarms the other party and a healthy resolution is harder to attain. Control yourself from extremity or absolutes. Avoid phrases like “You always…” (Proverbs 25:28).

Do not dance around or sugarcoat the issue or disguise it in false kindness.

Sometimes we fail to address the conflict because we are afraid of how the other person may respond or we are afraid of hurting feelings. The avoidance usually will cause more conflict eventually. Be kind, but make sure you are clear, direct, and helpful (Proverbs 27:5).

Do not allow the small disagreements to become big disagreements.

The way to keep most huge conflict (the kind that destroys relationships) from occurring is by confronting the small conflict along the way. Minor conflict is always easier to handle than major conflict.

Be firm, but gentle.

Learn the balance between the two. It’s critical in dealing with conflict. (Consider Jesus’ approach in John 4.)

Work toward a solution.

Never waste conflict. Use it to make the organization and/or the relationship better. Everyone wants a win-win situation, and sometimes that’s possible. Getting to the right decision should always be the ultimate goal (Proverbs 21:3).

Grant grace and forgiveness easily.

Healthy conflict makes relationships stronger, but to get there we must not hold a grudge or seek revenge. This never moves conflict forward toward resolution. Learn the art of grace and forgiveness. They are protectors of healthy relationships (Ephesians 4:32).

Conflict is a part of relationships. All relationships. As leaders, we shouldn’t shy away from conflict. We should learn its value and how to navigate conflict for the overall good of the team.

This article originally appeared here.

What if Ministry Failures Aren’t Failures?

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The great spiritual writer Watchman Nee observed, “We think in terms of apostolic journeys. God dares to put His greatest ambassadors in chains.”

Could it be that some of your greatest ministry failures weren’t an accident?

In my new book – Finding Favor: God’s Blessings Beyond Health, Wealth and Happiness (releasing April 17th) – I look at nine different ways God “blesses” people in the Old Testament, the majority of which seem negative, but aren’t.

The title of chapter 10 – “Strategic Failure” – is one such blessing.

Here’s an excerpt from that chapter…

SUCCESS REDEFINED

Here’s a new definition of success I want you to begin using: Success is finding favor with God.

That’s true success.

If we have God’s stamp of approval on our lives—meaning, if we’re doing the things he has called us to do—and most importantly finishing the things he has called us to do—and we do it for his glory, in his strength, to accomplish his goals, then we’re wildly successful.

Here’s the kicker: Being favored includes failing.

If there’s one thing we learn from Scripture, it’s that God sometimes leads a person to do something, knowing they will fail, and tells them to do it anyway.

In other words, God calls people to fail on purpose, and when they do, they’re successful.

You read that correctly.

Sometimes when we pray for God’s favor, he responds by causing us to fail. He leads us to fail. He puts us in situations where he knows we’re going to blow it in epic fashion, and that is all part of his larger plan.

In fact, sometimes one of the clearest signs that we’re squarely in the will of God is that when we look back we see a string of abysmal, embarrassing, heart-wrenching failures.

Don’t believe me? Just ask Abraham.

The Bible tells us in Genesis 24:1 that “Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way.”

If you’re not familiar with the story of Abraham, he probably reminds you of the type of person you’d see featured on the cover of Fortune magazine, sitting on the hood of his Rolls Royce parked in front of one of his 24 homes.

If the Creator of the universe blessed Abraham in every way, we Americans assume he’d be the mythical guy everyone holds up as a role model for business and life. He’d have perfect teeth, a beautiful wife and 2.5 kids who went to Harvard but served the poor on the weekends. To relax, he’d hand out money to the poor while jogging 16 miles to keep in shape, simultaneously calling various world leaders to try to get them to forgive the debt of African countries so they could afford antiretroviral medications to treat AIDS.

BLESSED IN EVERY WAY?

Can you imagine what your life would look like if you could say that God had blessed you not in some ways but in every way?

The thing is we don’t have to imagine. Abraham was 70 years old when God told him,
“Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation” (Genesis 12:1-2).

Abraham left his father and extended family behind in a city named Haran (in modern-day Turkey) and traveled to the land of Canaan (in modern-day Israel).

When Abraham died at 175 years, I don’t see how anyone would have thought his life had been blessed in most ways, let alone every way.

(And yes, he actually lived to 175. See Genesis 25:7. Can you imagine how much his back and knees hurt? Geez!)

The 12th-century Jewish scholar Maimonides believed there were 10 great tests Abraham had to endure.

Test 1. God told Abraham to leave his homeland and sojourn as a stranger into the land of Canaan (Genesis 12:1).

Test 2. As soon as he arrived in the Promised Land, he had to face a severe famine, which sent him searching for food in Egypt just to survive (Genesis 12:10).

Test 3. The Egyptians believed Abraham’s wife, Sarah, was so hot that they abducted her and made her one of Pharaoh’s concubines, and Abraham told them she was his sister to keep from getting killed (Genesis 12:10-20).

Test 4. Once back in Israel, Abraham was forced to go to war against rival clans just to stay alive and protect his family (Genesis 14:1-24).

Test 5. Abraham and Sarah faced infertility for years. Thus they believed having a child with another woman, Hagar, would allow him to fulfill God’s promise to be the progenitor of a great nation (Genesis 16:3).

Test 6. God told Abraham to grab a knife and circumcise himself—Worst. Test. Ever. (Genesis 17:24).

Test 7. As in Egypt, Abraham again feared for his life and passed his wife off as his sister to the king of Gerar, who intended to take her as his wife until God intervened (Genesis 20).

Test 8. Abraham sent his concubine, Hagar, and their child, Ishmael, into the desert to fend for themselves (Genesis 21:9-20).

Test 9. Abraham became estranged from his son Ishmael (Genesis 21:14).

Test 10. God told Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar (Genesis 22:2).

To this list of challenges identified by Maimonides, I think there are two more struggles Abraham faced that are worth noting.

  • Abraham lost a beloved family member when he lost his nephew Lot’s wife in the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:26).
  • Since Abraham’s wife, Sarah, died when she was 127 (Genesis 23:1), and Abraham lived until he was 175 (Genesis 25:7), he spent 48 years without the love of his life. If you ask me, that was his last and most difficult test of all.

When we look back on the life of Abraham—aside from the moments of happiness that we must discern by reading between the lines—I’m not sure how anyone could describe his life as “blessed in every way.”

What a Good Sermon Introduction Looks Like and What it Does

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I said to a pastor friend, “I wonder if you’d allow me to offer a tiny word of criticism on last Sunday’s sermon.” He sat up straight and beamed. “I’d welcome a criticism!”

This good man is even excited to have someone do this. Wow. (He said later that everyone compliments his preaching, but sometimes he’d appreciate a helpful suggestion. I had two thoughts: Any right-thinking pastor would do that, but at the same time, we don’t want a constant barrage of suggestions or criticisms. Just one or two along the way at helpful intervals would be quite sufficient, thanks.)

I said, “You jumped off into the deep end of the pool with us. Within two minutes after you began the sermon we were in over our heads. That makes it hard on a congregation to keep up and follow you.”

He kept listening.

“How much better to wade out in the shallow end at first. Let us adjust to the water temperature and see where you are going with this message. Gradually take us into the deep.”

He welcomed the thought and proved once again what I already knew—what a terrific fellow he is. One doesn’t abruptly offer criticism or suggestions without confidence that the recipient will welcome it.

Story One. 

The U.S. Attorney for the southern district of our state was addressing a weekly men’s luncheon at our church this week. He began with this story…

This fellow was on trial for murder, although the body of the deceased had never been found. At one point, the defendant’s lawyer made a startling announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if you will put your attention on those doors in the rear, in exactly 15 seconds, the person my client is accused of murdering will walk into this courtroom!” Everyone turned to the doors and counted off the seconds. The time came and went. The defense attorney said, “While it is true that the man did not walk through those doors, please notice that every one of you turned and looked, expecting him to do so. That shows reasonable doubt about my client’s guilt. And if there is reasonable doubt, you must acquit!” A short time later, the jury retired to deliberate. Within 10 minutes, they were back. The judge asked if they had reached a verdict. “We have, your honor. We find the defendant guilty as charged.” A few minutes later, the attorney caught a member of the jury. “How could you find him guilty? All of you turned and looked, expecting the dead man to walk through those doors.” The juror said, “That’s true. We all turned and looked. But sir, there was only one person in the entire courtroom who did not turn and look. Your client. He didn’t turn because he knew the corpse wasn’t coming through those doors. He had killed him.”

The speaker paused for our reactions, then looked out at his audience and said, “I’ll be looking at the doors in the back today, where there is a clock. And I promise you I’ll stay on time.”

That’s one way of doing an introduction. It has nothing to do with what follows, but is merely an icebreaker, something to get everyone’s attention and to connect the speaker with his audience. (And, by the way, since this type of meeting is low key, intended only to inspire, inform and possibly entertain just a little, the story worked.)

RELATED: 9 Powerful Ways To Introduce Your Sermon

A pastor of a congregation will not do what our speaker did. A pastor does not need an icebreaker, something to connect him with his audience. He is their beloved pastor, the shepherd of this congregation, and is well known to them. So, while he may use an icebreaker when addressing a convention or conference where no one knows him, the sermon introduction will be of a different nature altogether.

The sermon introduction will be geared to draw everyone together, to establish communication between pastor and audience, and to begin to focus their attention on what is to come. The sermon introduction provides the lead-in for the teaching which follows.

Here are a couple of examples…

Story Two. 

A minister drove into Bloomington, Illinois, late one Saturday afternoon, checked into a hotel, and walked outside to buy a newspaper. He would be preaching in a church there the next morning and wanted to see if anything was going on locally which might connect with his sermon in some way. He took the paper back to the room and read it.

There was nothing in the paper that spoke to his sermon, but the minister did make a little discovery. Not far from Bloomington, Illinois, are two towns with unusual names. There is Normal, Illinois, and a few miles farther out is the community of Oblong. A wedding was going on, and the announcement said, “Normal Boy to Marry Oblong Girl.” The pastor laughed and tore it out to share with the congregation the next morning.

Sunday morning in the introductory part of his sermon he pulled out that wedding announcement to share with the people. He read it and then waited for a reaction. They sat there staring at him. To them, these were just the names of local communities, as though a Mississippi paper might say “Tupelo Boy to Marry Hattiesburg Girl.”

That’s when something occurred to that pastor.

When we were new to the Christian faith, all of the wonderful teachings and doctrines and hymns were fresh and cutting edge and wonderful. We could not get enough of this! God is love! Jesus died for my sins! My sins are gone. I’m going to Heaven! There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ!

A New Fissure in the Evangelical Movement

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About 50 prominent evangelicals are attending an invitation-only gathering this week at Wheaton College to discuss the future of evangelicalism—more specifically, the condition of the movement and the divide that resulted from the election of President Donald Trump.

The gathering was organized by Doug Birdsall, honorary chair of Lausanne, an international movement of evangelicals. Other attendees named in press accounts include pastors Tim Keller, A.R. Bernard and Bishop Claude Alexander, Dallas Theological Seminary professor Darrell Bock, World Relief vice president Jenny Yang, Wheaton College’s Ed Stetzer, Fuller Seminary President Mark Labberton, Jo Anne Lyon of the Wesleyan Church, Harold Smith of Christianity Today and Gabriel Salguero of the National Latino Evangelical Coalition.

Bock, who also helped to organize the event, said evangelicals need to return their focus to the term’s true definition: a person who believes in the authority of the Bible, salvation through Jesus’ work on the cross, personal conversion and the need for evangelism.

Bernard, a black pastor of the 40,000-member Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn, said he fears that white evangelical supporters of Trump have put the reputation of American Christianity in danger. “They continue to squander their moral authority in an attempt to sanitize the president,” said Bernard, who resigned from an advisory group of evangelicals last year after Trump blamed “both sides” for deadly violence in Charlottesville after a white supremacist march.

He believes many white evangelicals have been too focused on what they view as issues of sin and personal morality, such as abortion and same-sex marriage, without looking at issues that most concern black evangelicals, such as economic inequality and police shootings, telling the Washington Post, “the bill has now come due.”

Keller, founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York told the Post, “We need to be wiser and better in the way we do ministry. Faith and God and sin and grace and idolatry are about fundamental human reality, and everything else is a way of dealing with those issues. It is a complete terrible reversal when [people believe] religion is about politics when it’s the other way around.”

Keller, who said many at the meeting had concerns about the loss of religious freedom under Barack Obama, now feel under attack from those on the right if they support open immigration.

Exit polls show 80 percent of evangelicals voted for Trump. Birdsall told the Post that given such strong support, a case could be made that the greatest barrier to the gospel is evangelicals’ embrace of “Trumpism” as an ideology.

Missing from this week’s gathering are several high-profile evangelicals like Franklin Graham of Samaritan’s Purse, Jerry Falwell Jr. of Liberty University and Dr. Robert Jeffress of First Baptist-Dallas.

Birdsall told the Christian Post they are “not involved in discussions yet” suggesting those who have supported Trump have sullied their evangelical credentials.

“I have been in touch with two of their offices with a desire to engage in a meaningful conversation,” CP quotes Birdsall saying. “I don’t think they are globally perceived as evangelical thought leaders by virtue of what they have written or by virtue of the values that are reflected in their public statements.”

Dr. Richard Land of Southern Evangelical Seminary and former head of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission said a look at who’s invited—and who’s not—betrays their real purpose of the gathering: marginalizing evangelicals who support President Trump.

“Any definition of ‘thought leaders’ and any definition of evangelicalism that excludes the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Franklin Graham is a pale imitation—anemic and incomplete,” says Land.

Organizers say the meetings are not political, but Yang told the Washington Post she expects discussion around hot button political topics including the #MeToo movement about sexual assault and harassment, the white supremacy march in Charlottesville, and Trump’s refugee and immigration policy changes.

Preaching on Racism from the ‘White’ Pulpit: Reflections from David Platt’s Talk at T4G

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Expository Faithfulness and Racism

Attention prominent White pastor: If you want to avoid controversy, do not preach sermons on race at large evangelical conferences. In 2018, that will not go well for you. This week, David Platt discovered this at Together for the Gospel (T4G) in Louisville, Kentucky.

Tasked with the responsibility of preaching on race and the church in America, Platt walked attendees through Amos 5:18-27, which includes the oft-cited King speech mantra to “…let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.”

Platt told attendees that God used Amos to indict his people on three primary offenses: (1) eagerly anticipating future salvation, while conveniently denying present sin; (2) indulging in worship while ignoring injustice; and (3) carrying on their religion while refusing to repent.

Platt went on to apply the text to attendees, specifically mentioning racism as sin. He noted the complicity of the church in America in widening the racial gap in the United States. How? Being slow to speak about the various forms of racial injustice happening in America. He closed his message with a Christ-exalting call for repentance and an exhortation that one day Amos 5:24 will be fully realized in God’s coming kingdom.

Platt began his talk asking for grace while handling a tough topic. Instead, some responses to his message were anything but gracious.

What did Platt say that led to this pushback? Why was his faithfulness to expository preaching questioned? Unfortunately, this is the moment we live in. For some, faithful exposition of a text means never preaching about racism from the pulpit. For some, preaching the whole counsel of God excludes sermons on racism in the church in America.

The writings of the prophets—both major or minor—are filled with calls for justice. This is especially true of the text in Amos 5. To question Platt’s faithfulness to the text ignores the broader issue at play here: a perceived attack on White identity.

In the message, Platt asks three very pointed questions: Why are so many of our churches so white? Why are many of our institutions, seminaries, and missions organizations so white? Why is (the T4G Conference) so white? All three questions are necessary for any Christian thinking through the impact of race on the church in America.

However, those questions were likely deemed offensive to those who had a problem with the talk. Rather than eliciting the desired introspection, the message caused some to decry what they felt were Platt’s proof-texted, subjective thoughts on racism in America. Some articulated a need to place racism in a clear, objective category like other sins. Otherwise, racism becomes much more difficult to identify and remedy. Because racism, at least for some, lacks a clear definition, it leads to frustration in pursuing justice. But do we need a clear definition of racism?

Pornography and Racism

In Jacobellis vs. Ohio (1964), the Supreme Court ruled on whether the state of Illinois could ban speech in a film it had deemed obscene without violating the First Amendment rights of a citizen. A deeply divided Court ruled that the speech in question was not obscene.

Justice Porter Stewart’s concurring opinion delivered probably the most famous Supreme Court quote to date. He wrote, “I shall not today attempt to further define the kind of material I understand to be embraced within (obscene speech in film)…But I know it when I see it…”

When asked to place racism in a clear, objective category, some African Americans want to throw up their hands and join Justice Stewart in saying, “We know it when we see it.” And others should know it when they see it too. Racism is not a moving target. It has plot points found in our prisons, housing, and workplaces. Those plot points are clear, but still find themselves mired in language of “individual accountability” as opposed to seeing much of it for what it is—systemic injustice.

David Platt Asks: Why Is T4G ‘So White’?

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David Platt read from Amos 5:18-27 to begin his message at this year’s Together for the Gospel conference. The problem God addresses in this passage, Platt says, is that people were content to worship God while ignoring injustice around them. Indeed, God said he hated the people’s hypocrisy. Platt said this is happening today in the church, with racism.

“The glory of Jesus Christ shines most clearly when different groups of people come together and he [Jesus] is the only explanation for why they’re together,” Platt says. However, he spends his hour-long message arguing the American church is far from this.

We Need to Look at the Reality of Racism

Platt admits he was tempted not to use the word racism because when we use that word, “we immediately think of the extreme. We immediately think of a white supremacist marching in Charlottesville.” Many white people think very few people are racist, Platt says. However, he defines racism as “a system in which race profoundly affects people’s economic, political and social experiences.” He gave an example from his own life of subtle racism. Arthur Price is a pastor in Birmingham that Platt has referred to as an “African-American pastor. However, Platt says, “I’ve never introduced John MacArthur as a caucasian-American pastor. He’s just a pastor.” Why the difference? Platt believes it is systemic racism that is different and more subtle than “blunt prejudice.”

Platt shared some alarming statistics, which he admits is painting the situation with a broad stroke. The facts he shared include:

There are two unemployed black people for every one white person.
Income inequality between white and black people is close to 50 percent wider today than it was 40 years ago.
African American babies are twice as likely to die in infancy than white babies.
African American mothers are four times more likely to die in childbirth than white women.
African American males are six times more likely to be murdered than white American males.

The bottom line, Platt said, is that white Americans are far more likely “to get a quality education, to have a high-paying job, and to live in a more affluent neighborhood with less crime” than African Americans.

“This is a broad stroke,” Platt reiterates. He’s not trying to equate African Americans with being “poor and uneducated.” He doesn’t want to create an artificial sense of pity for African Americans, as this could potentially contribute even more to racism. However, this is his conclusion: “Race—specifically white or black skin color—affects one’s life in our country.”

“We cannot deny this. These are not opinions; these are facts. This is not fake news. This is real news.”

The Church Is Aggravating the Disparity

We in the church want to see an end to racial disparity and racial tension. But despite our best intentions, the church today is one of the most segregated institutions in our country. Over 95 percent of whites attend white churches, over 90 percent of African Americans attend African American churches (a point Derwin Gray discusses). “Right now the church is actually a force for continuing [racism],” Platt says.

Platt encourages the crowd to stop looking outside for the reasons why racism exists and to start looking “in here.”

“I don’t want to presume there are easy answers here,” Platt says gravely.

We need to “think Ephesians 2” as we seek to address this disparity. Platt says the way to move forward is to pursue truly multi-ethnic community, which the cross makes possible.

Platt says he looks at his own life. “In many ways, my world has been so white.” Platt asks why the churches he’s been a part of and led have been so white and why the IMB, which he leads, is so white. While he says he asks the question respectfully, he also asks, “Why is this conference so white?”

Let’s listen to and learn from one another. Specifically from others who don’t look like you and think like you. Use James 1:19 as a guide, Platt says, which encourages us to be slow to speak.

Jimmy Carter on the Progress of the Evangelical Church

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You could say that former President Jimmy Carter has been on the cutting edge of progress for much of his life. This includes his stance on matters of church life and doctrine, as well. Some in the evangelical church are critical of his progressive stance, but Carter himself feels the church has made progress toward reconciling its differences with members of its own ranks.

When he thinks about nearing the end of his life and meeting God in heaven, Carter says, “I hope that God would say I’m a sincere evangelical measured in his own standards.”

Carter is no stranger to church or a life of faith. Growing up in Plains, Georgia, Carter’s father was an elder and Sunday school teacher at their local Baptist Church. In fact, Carter himself has taught Sunday school for much of his adult life.

After graduating from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1946 and enjoying a brief yet consequential career aboard naval submarines, Carter returned to his hometown to take over the family peanut farming operation after his father’s death in 1953. It was during this time in Georgia that Carter started getting involved in politics. He served on the Sumter County school board and was in favor of integrating schools. When he was elected governor of Georgia, Carter shocked everyone (including some who endorsed him) by declaring “the time of racial discrimination is over… No poor, rural, weak or black person should ever have to bear the additional burden of being deprived of the opportunity for an education, a job or simple justice.”

In 1971 in Georgia, these words would have shocked many a white, Jesus-loving churchgoer. Then years later, when he was President of the United States, the emerging Moral Majority (led by Jerry Falwell) criticized his progressive leanings, calling him a “secular humanist.” Carter reminisces on this divisive time in the history of the church in his new book, Faith: A Journey for All.

If you know anything about Carter, you will appreciate the apt title of his book. Known for inclusion, ecumenism and trying to bridge divides both in his personal and political life, “A Journey for All” seems apropos.

What Makes Jimmy Carter’s Faith Controversial to Some in the Church?

Despite his ecumenism, though, Carter is willing to take a stand on certain matters. Several years ago, Carter broke his ever-loosening ties with the Southern Baptist Convention due to his views on women in leadership. In an interview with Maina Mwaura, Carter says he believes the misinterpretation of Scripture (which is sometimes done deliberately by men in charge) has led to a violation of equality between men and women.

I look at the writings of Paul…there’s no difference between a Jew and a Gentile in the eyes of God. There’s no difference between a slave and a master. There’s no difference between a man and a woman.

Granted, Carter sees this violation not just in the Christian church, but all over the world. “I think it’s the worst single greatest violation of human rights on earth now is the violation of equality between men and women,” he says.

When asked what churches can do to help women reach their potential, Carter says to let them serve in the same capacity that men are allowed to serve. He points to the example of his own church in Plains, which allows women to fill the roles of deacon and pastor. “If we exclude [Christian women] from serving God in an equal and respectable way, then we’re cutting back on the strength of Christianity as well as the strength of our governments,” Carter says.

“We still have a long way to go,” Carter admits, but it is clear he is hopeful.

Jimmy Carter’s Hope for the Future

He is also hopeful about another problem in the church, and that is bridging the divide between conservative and progressive Christians. Carter shared he was invited by Jerry Falwell Jr. to speak at Liberty University’s graduation ceremony this year. After being snubbed by his father, Carter was surprised yet appreciative of Falwell Jr.’s invitation.

This invitation makes Carter believe those on opposing sides of the church are learning to set aside the “extreme personal differences” that dominated the 1970s and ’80s. “We were at each other’s throats,” Carter recalls, when the two sides were trying to gain control of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Carter says Christians do well to remember “we’re all saved by the grace of God through our faith in Jesus Christ.” And for those of us who consider ourselves evangelical, we should be busy “through our human actions and through our words” spreading the faith.

Watch the full interview with Former President Carter.

Billy Graham and the Presidents: Lessons in Spiritual Counsel and Friendship

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The Billy Graham Center Archives has just recently announced the opening of two new collections on the ministry of Billy Graham and the work of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA). This opening comes at Graham’s wishes after his recent passing on February 21st.

The first collection, #580, was released on March 19th and contains records taken from the BGEA’s Montreat office from 1940 to 1948 and 1950 to 2012. It is comprised of letters, sermons, reports, memoranda, transcripts, clippings and manuscripts, and contains details regarding everything from the activities of the BGEA to the planning of evangelistic campaigns.

The second collection, #685, features more records from the BGEA’s Montreat office. Amongst these items are the VIP Notebooks, most of which document Graham’s personal relationship with every U.S. president from Harry S. Truman to Barack Obama. This collection’s opening has been postponed until November 7th to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the birth of Billy Graham.

Up until now, discussions surrounding Graham’s involvement with the U.S. Presidents has been of interest to many people. Over the span of decades, this one man’s counsel of our nation’s leaders was highly influential.

Most notable was Graham’s disregard for partisanship in these interactions; politics aside, his heart was to serve leaders working in a position that brought with it untold amounts of pressure and stress. His ambition was to share Christ’s gospel with those who needed it most—nothing more, nothing less. Below are examples of the sorts of encouragement, spiritual council and friendship that Graham was able to provide several presidents with:

President Eisenhower

It was actually upon meeting Eisenhower that Graham earned his title of ‘pastor to the presidents.’ The two first met in Paris at the President’s NATO headquarters in 1952; this was before he had announced his candidacy for president.

After the election, their correspondence continued. During a crusade in Dallas—deemed “the largest evangelistic crusade in the history of the United States”—Graham recounted to Eisenhower how 75,000 people gathered to pray that “God would give you wisdom courage and strength.”

Their relationship continued as Eisenhower pursued spiritual leadership of the nation. He told Graham at one point: “We need a spiritual revival.”

In his book Just as I Am, Graham recounts his time spent meeting with President Eisenhower in the hospital just months before his passing:

As my scheduled twenty minutes with him extended to thirty, he asked the doctor and nurses to leave us. Propped up on pillows amidst intravenous tubes, he took my hand and looked into my eyes. ‘Billy, you’ve told me how to be sure my sins are forgiven and that I’m going to Heaven. Would you tell me again?’

I took out my New Testament and read to him the familiar Gospel verses, the precious promise of God about eternal life. Then, my hand still in his, I prayed briefly.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I’m ready.’

President Johnson

It was just one week into living in the White House after President Kennedy’s assassination that Johnson summoned Graham to the White House. Their visit—which was scheduled to occupy no longer than 15 minutes of either man’s time—lasted five hours.

Over the years, the two exchanged cards, gifts and well-wishes. Graham sent him Bibles and offered to pray for him on several occasions. The two, at times, would even spend time together in prayer.

According to Graham:

I think he [President Jonhnson] had a conflict within himself about religion. He wanted to go all the way in his commitment to Christ. He knew what it meant to be ‘saved’ or ‘lost,’ using our terminology, and he knew what it was to be ‘born again.’ And yet he somehow felt that he never quite had that experience. I think he tried to make up for it by having many of the outward forms of religion, in the sense of going to church almost fanatically, even while he was president. Sometimes he’d go to church three times on a Sunday.

Over the course of Johnson’s time in office, Graham spent more than 20 nights in the White House; in the most genuine sense, the President enjoyed Graham’s company and made the effort to seek after it.

President Barack Obama

President Obama and Billy Graham met in April of 2010 in Graham’s home in Montreat, North Carolina.

The two gathered for coffee and spent time praying and conversing with one another. They discussed their time in Chicago and passion for golf but also touched on more spiritual matters. The President, as many before him did, opened up to Graham telling him about the feelings of loneliness and heavy demands that came along with his position as Commander in Chief; Americans’ prayers, he shared, were greatly appreciated.

The two concluded the meeting by praying for one another—President Obama for Graham and Graham for the President.

This article originally appeared here.

The One Question That Will Change Your Guest Follow-Up

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When guests arrive at our church, they are giving us a gift. They are honoring us with the valuable asset of their time, and trusting us to use that time wisely. For the guest with previous church experience, they have a baseline by which to measure us. If we hit the mark, they’ll know it. If we miss it, they’ll know that too. For the guest who is new to our church and any church, they may not know what church is supposed to look like, but they’ll intuitively know if it matches whatever image they had in their mind.

If you follow up with your guestsand you should—there is a question I would encourage you to ask. It’s a simple question, but one that will reveal a tremendous amount about how your guests felt:

How was your experience?

It’s an open-ended question, one that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. It forces our guests to get a tiny bit vulnerable and tell us what worked, what didn’t, what made sense and what left them confused.

It’s a deeper-than-normal question that requires some thought. It makes them dig a layer past the blanket answer of fine and makes them reckon not just with what they’re telling you, but what they’re telling themselves.

It’s an inviting question, one that signals that you really want to know the truth, one that tells them that you have their best interest in mind and want to craft an experience that suits what they are looking for.

(I get it…there are some reading this who scream consumerism! when they read the word “experience” in regards to church. Mark Waltz has written extensively on the topic, and I’ve been tackling it since the earliest days of this blog. Brush up on those other books and posts if you’d like an in-depth treatment.)

How was your experience? allows a guest to tell you how they felt about the environment their kids were in. How was your experience? paves the way for them to point out something that wasn’t clear (and to give you a chance to make it clear). How was your experience? opens the door for them to tell you the deeper spiritual questions they wrestled with, and gives you the opportunity to move them closer to a relationship with Jesus.

Don’t discount the experience. And certainly don’t dismiss the opportunity to ask about the experience. Try it with your guest follow up this week. You may be surprised where the question takes you.

This article originally appeared here.

3 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Church Website

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Spring is finally here, and for many, it’s a time of renewed motivation. With the change of the season comes an excitement in people to do new things or clean up old items. So why not give your website a little seasonal makeover too? Here are three things you can do to spruce up your church website and make it more effective.

TELL MORE STORIES

Everyone desires personal connection. Your website visitors are no different. Rather than just listing what ministries you offer, find people involved in each specific ministry and have them tell their stories. Share how each ministry made a difference in someone’s life. Tell stories in a way that compels others to join in.

UPDATE PHOTOS

If you use any stock photography on your website, make sure to update it with seasonably-appropriate images for the spring and summer months. A better option would be to replace stock photography or images of your building and sanctuary with images of your congregation in real-life. Photos of real people in real situations help give your visitors a better insight into who you are.

Yes, privacy is a concern, but it’s not an insurmountable barrier. Typically, the main concern is with children. It is common practice to give parents the chance to opt-out of having their child photographed when they first bring their son or daughter to a specific event or your children’s area. Differences also exist with privacy laws between the United States and Canada, so be aware of your context. Figure out a policy that works for your ministry and move forward from there.

SIMPLIFY YOUR WEBSITE

Your website should have the most essential content and pertinent information, but not more than that. Can a potential guest find the information they need? Can your regular attenders [attendees] easily find the details they are searching for? Is your language easy to understand, and your navigation well organized? Rule of thumb: You should be able to find whatever you’re looking for on a website in three clicks or less. If it takes more than three clicks to get where you need to go, you’re losing people, and your website is too complicated.

Have you been doing some website spring cleaning this year? If so, what changes are you making?

This article originally appeared here.

Why Seminary Can Never Qualify Anyone for Ministry

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“I do not have the authority to expel you, so I’m asking you, please withdraw and leave the seminary.” I realized the weight of my words and fully appreciated their potential effect. Only after several lengthy attempts to correct him, learning that he was not plugged into any local church, and then subsequently conferring with the dean did I let them fall so profoundly and heavily on his stunned ears. The young man had preached several sermons in my preaching practicum, each one more disturbing and irresponsible than the last. Finally he crossed the line from unbalanced to untrue and promoted something that I judged to be egregiously wrong, contrary to the gospel, and antithetical to everything Southern Seminary stands for. When he remained resolute in his position and belligerent at my attempts to reprove, I knew that the tragedy of his departure from the truth would be exponentially compounded with a seminary degree. So I asked him to leave, and he did.

While I still grieve that student’s departure from sound doctrine, I have never regretted the severity of my words to him. I could not stop him from preaching error, but it would be far worse if he did it with a degree from Southern.

My primary concern was not that someone would think he received his doctrine from my colleagues or me—though I certainly found that thought disquieting. My greater anxiety was that some church would mistakenly think him qualified to serve as pastor and would welcome him and embrace his false doctrine, simply because he had a degree from a seminary.

Is seminary necessary?

When it comes to qualification for ministry, ordination should carry much more weight and provide much greater evidence of a man’s readiness for service in the church than any seminary degree. A seminary alone is not sufficient to qualify anyone for ministry, no matter how faithful the faculty or how hard it tries. A seminary is a rigorous academic program, but that is very different from being a church in which the student can serve and demonstrate his gifts and calling while he is under its teaching, authority and discipline.

A large portion of my life has been devoted to seminary education, both my own and that of thousands of others. I am committed to quality theological education in the seminary and believe it to be a marvelous way to learn the Scriptures from brilliant and devoted men and women of God whom he has raised up for this purpose. I love seminary and would encourage every young minister of the gospel who has the opportunity to enroll in seminary—especially in a residential program, but that is a subject for another time. I love and believe in seminary education, to be sure. Even so, something important needs to be said.

A seminary is not the church. Jesus made teaching and training part of the Great Commission given to his church. He loved the church and gave himself for it. Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages. He has set some in the church. The Scriptures don’t say a single word about seminaries, not only because they did not yet exist, but also because they aren’t integral to God’s plan for making his name great among the nations. The church, on the other hand, is God’s plan for global evangelism and discipleship.

To be clear, seminaries—at least Southern Baptist seminaries—operate on behalf of the churches and are, in fact, owned by the churches of the Southern Baptist Convention. The seminaries, therefore, hold a sacred and binding trust to train ministers of the gospel on behalf of the local churches in which they will one day serve. Seminaries make it possible for churches to offer a depth of theological training in multiple disciplines to those who have surrendered to ministry that they would not have otherwise. Churches have the right to delegate a portion of that training to a seminary and expect that their sons and daughters will be taught by great men and women of God and equipped in numerous ways, but churches cannot and must not abdicate their primary responsibility to train ministers of the gospel and to declare them ready for ministry when the time comes.

Life-Changing Small Group Conversations

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Small group gatherings are only social groups unless there is a Bible-based discussion that results in changed lives. Before a small group conversation starts, a trusting environment and God’s guidance are required.

The questions and activities that guide an effective small group conversation need to start broad and ultimately focus on a single point. I created the Small Group Conversation Funnel to show how this can be done.

The funnel is divided into three sections. Each section has a purpose to move the conversation from broad to specific. below is a description of each section.

IceBreaker

The first part of a small group conversation focuses on icebreakers. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of an icebreaker is:

“Something done or said to help people to relax and begin talking at a meeting, party, etc.”

Icebreakers are fun. People having a good time will learn better. The only exception to this is when the topic of the evening is inconsistent with having a fun experience.

Icebreakers are easy and safe for all to take part. They are broad enough to include everyone. They don’t need people to be vulnerable to take part in the activity.

Icebreakers are compelling. Even a shy small group member will take part if it is compelling enough.

Encourage all members to get engaged by starting with icebreakers.

Exploring

The next section explores the topic. The purpose is for the members to gain a deeper understanding from a biblical perspective and to learn from each other.

What was learned in the ice breaker activity(s) needs to be tied to the exploring discussion.

Group leaders need to make sure the conversation is leading to understanding. Members need to explore ways to apply the knowledge learned in real life.

Application

This last section is when the knowledge gained turns into action and ultimately changed lives.

It was important during the exploring section to find ways to apply the knowledge from different perspectives. In this section, each small group member now needs to identify one or more of those practical ways to change their life.

Ask for a personal commitment that each will follow through with the change.

Alternate Small Group Conversation Funnel

How well does your small group follow-up on the personal commitments made? It is important to follow-up and show it is important.

If your small group doesn’t practice any method of follow-up, consider adding a “Celebration” section. Members can discuss and celebrate progress made on commitments. It also can be used to ask and answer questions when there are difficulties or lack of progress. Members can help and encourage one another. Group leader follow-up or accountability partners are just a couple of more ways to do this.

Build trust, seek God’s direction, encourage participation, explore the topic and support personal applications. This will result in changed lives.

Question: What methods do you use to direct the small group conversation? How does your group support each other to improve their Christian lives? 

This article originally appeared here.

Helping Volunteers Win in 3 Seconds or Less

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One of the best ways to set your volunteers up for success is to clearly define what success looks like for the role they are serving in.

When defining success for your volunteer roles, it’s important to keep this in mind:

Make your definitions for volunteer success easy to remember.

If your volunteers can’t remember what success is for the role they are serving in, then they will have a hard time attaining success.

And here’s the key thing to know…

Research shows that if a statement takes three seconds or less to say out loud, then it is much easier to remember and use.

Don’t miss this. It is critical if you want to set your volunteers up for success. For each role, define what success looks like in short, simple statements that take three seconds or less to say out loud.

Here’s an example. You want to define what success looks like for your small group leaders. If you want them to remember and use your definitions, then keep them simple and short.

Wins for a Small Group Leader: 
1. Call each child by name.
2. Get kids talking about the lesson.
3. Pray with kids.

Or how about for a greeter?

Wins for a Greeter:
1. Smile.
2. Be friendly.
3. Help new families check in.

Don’t make the mistake of creating long vision statements, volunteer job descriptions or volunteer wins. Why? Because they won’t be remembered. But when you narrow these things down to the bare minimum, they can be remembered and used.

Set your volunteers up for success by doing this.

1. Create three simple wins for each volunteer role in your ministry. Make sure they can each be said out loud in three seconds or less.

2. Share these wins with each new volunteer when you bring them onboard. Ask them to memorize them.

3. Put them in writing so the volunteer can see them. Place them in the room. In handouts. In newsletters. In emails.

4. Re-visit the three simple wins often. It can’t be one and done. You must go back often and emphasize the wins. Wins shared yesterday that are not re-visited today will be forgotten tomorrow.

5. Use the wins to help volunteers grow. As you provide your volunteers with feedback, you can use these simple wins to help them measure their progress.

Here’s an example of using the small group leader wins listed above. Sit down periodically with a small group leader and talk about the following with him or her.

1. Call each child by name.

  • Do you know all the kids’ names in your group?
  • Do you say each of their names at least once every week?
  • How are you helping each child be personally known and cared for?

2. Get kids talking.

  • How much time are you spending in discussion?
  • Are kids talking and sharing?
  • How many opened-ended questions are you asking?

3. Pray with kids.

  • Are you taking personal prayer requests each week?
  • Are you praying for each child by name?
  • Are you taking time to let kids share answers to prayer?

You can also uses the wins you have clarified as topics for training. If you want volunteers to grow in these areas, then provide training in these areas.

Let’s go back to the example of the small group leader wins. You could provide training for the three defined wins.

1. How to get kids to open up and talk.
2. How to ask good questions.
3. How to be an effective facilitator and listener.
4. How to pray with and for kids.

Let’s narrow it down and summarize.

Help Your Volunteers Win by…

1. Defining what success looks like in short, simple statements that take three seconds or less to say.
2. Help volunteers memorize the simple wins and put them into practice.
3. Train volunteers and help them grow in these areas.
4. Re-visit the wins often so they are not forgotten.

You can get sample job descriptions for over 26 volunteer roles and lots of other great volunteer training resources at my resource website. Click here now to see what’s available. 

It’s important to remember this: If you want your volunteers to be successful, then you have to set them up for success.

This article originally appeared here.

For more great articles on leading volunteers, check out 25 Best Articles on Leading Volunteers (That Get Them to Stay and Thrive!)

The Internet Is Making Us Angry, Thoughtless, and Less Truthful

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The internet is killing us.

It hasn’t been a swift death, like something inflicted by a trained, Jason Bourne-like assassin. Rather, it’s been happening slowly, over the last 15 years or so. Death by inches. Or comments.

It’s the tired cliche of the frog being boiled slowly to death…

…except we’re the ones who keep turning up the heat…and we’re the frog.

It started when blogs were invented, allowing anyone to post anything about any subject — a person, a political situation, their own life.

When comments were added to blogs, the digital necrosis sped up.

Now with social media, we’re approaching the terminal stage of the disease. We all carry weapons in our pockets, and I’m not talking about guns.

I’m talking about our phones.

Essentially, anything and everything can be shared. Photos, articles, sound files, music, petitions, and a million other digital items can be instantly splashed on the internet and shared with thousands of friends.

You would think this would be a good thing. The democratizing of information and such.

But I’m increasingly convinced that it’s significantly hurting those of us who follow Christ (and everyone else, but I’m concerned primarily with Christians here).

I realize that this sounds crazy alarmist, like a guy on a street corner proclaiming the end of the world. You probably think I have a bulletin board in my house with news clippings pinned to it and pieces of string connecting the clippings.

But I’m not crazy. At least I don’t think I am.

Let me explain.

My Life In The Digital World

I’m writing this as a Christian who lives every day smack dab in the middle of the internet.

Most people don’t know this, but my I’m a full-time freelance marketing writer. Lord willing, I will someday have the opportunity to go back into pastoral ministry, but at the moment, this is where God has me.

I’ve also been blogging for over 10 years, and have seen up close how it’s changed.

When I first started, there was no social sharing. Facebook was relatively new and Twitter wasn’t even on the map yet. Instagram and Pinterest were still several years away.

Because of my job and my history, I understand how the internet (e.g. Google, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) works. I spend a lot of time trying to understand how the internet ecosystem functions and what will help my clients get visibility for their brands.

Here’s what you need to know: it’s intentionally designed to kill you.

I’m not kidding.

Everything Is A House Of Cards

The very structures which sustain sites like Facebook and blogs like Breitbart and The Huffington Post (it doesn’t matter which political spectrum you’re on) are dangerous.

Let me break it down for you.

Don’t get bored here, because this is really important and it touches you EVERY SINGLE DAY.

99% of large websites make money from advertising. These sites get paid either based on the number of times an ad is viewed or clicked.

This means that the more page views they get, the more money they make. This is why so many sites spread their content across multiple pages. They want you to see as many ads as possible.

Even more critically, this reality determines the type of content they post on their sites.

They want to publish content that will get TONS of page views. They want their content to go viral, and they make publishing decisions based on what they think will get the most traffic.

What types of content get the most traffic? Think about it for a second. When you’re scrolling through Facebook, what jumps out at you? What do you click on? What do you share?

If you’re like most people, you share things that get an emotional reaction from you and will probably get an emotional reaction from other people. Boring stuff doesn’t get shared. Well-reasoned, middle of the road pieces die in obscurity.

Shock and anger and snark get attention and Likes and shares, but not reasonableness and thoughtfulness.

A study by the Marketing Science Institute all the way back in 2010 confirmed this. First, they noted that positive news tends to be more viral than negative.

But then they said this:

Brand transgressions that evoke anxiety or anger, for example, may be more likely to be shared than those that evoke sadness; this suggests that companies may want to take a more active role in managing situations that evoke these emotions.

Did you catch that? Sadness won’t get shared, but anger and anxiety sure will. And I think this is increasingly true. The alt-right massively capitalized on this in the 2016 election, using anger and anxiety to help fuel Donald Trump’s win.

Here’s what all this means: In order to survive, websites need to constantly publish content that will provoke heavy emotion. Be controversial or outraged or hilarious or sexual.

But whatever you do…don’t be boring.

Now That Spring Break Is Over

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It’s the break we all wait for—Spring Break! That final break between Christmas and the end of the school year, and now it’s over. For some of us, we’ll get a touch of summer fever or senior-itis and just phone it in for the next couple months until school is out. And I’m not even talking about kids! For my wife and I, we feel like it’s a sprint to the end of school and a lot of things can fall by the wayside until June. Yet, the final eight weeks of the school year can be a great opportunity to set you up for an even better summer.

So, in an effort to head into summer with some momentum, here are seven things to do in the next eight weeks:

1. Re-establish rhythms.

Many of us thrive on structure and routine, and kids especially benefit from rhythm. Take some time to re-establish what you may have had in February and March. This can include set bedtimes, homework time, amount of tech time, family time and certainly God time.

Moses instructs the people of Israel to remind their kids to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. And he says to remind them when they wake, during their day and before bed. Take a few moments each day to put a scripture in your kid’s lunch or talk about “How you saw God work today” over dinner or pray before bed.

Don’t forget about making church a part of your weekend. Sowing seeds in the spring will produce a harvest in the fall.

2. Prep for summer.

While you may already have a camping reservation, airline tickets or a cruise booked, consider some goals. What would be a “win” this summer? More family time—define how much. More service projects in your community—define how many. Daddy/daughter dates—when and where will that be?

Another good thing is to start putting together a reading list. Before you end up on a beach looking for something to read and settle for the latest issue of People, have a good list of books to read. Some fiction, some non-fiction. And as always, good prep for the summer is to save some money for what you’re about to spend. Coming home with no debt is better than returning with more.

3. Finish school strong.

This is a good chance to remind your kids of the value of ending the school year running rather than limping. I always remind my kids, don’t just break the tape, run through it. Set up some goals of finishing all work, raising grades and walking out with your head held high.

4. Set up online giving.

This may seem odd, but with all of our traveling, we often forget about the charities that we fund. Whether it is church, your school or your favorite non-profit, set up recurring giving so you don’t miss a beat–and more importantly, neither do they.

5. Schedule rest.

We all assume summer will be a great time to rest, but then we fill it full of activities that are exhausting. So, be sure to schedule downtime. Going to the beach with the kids can take a lot of work and be stressful, so take a trip with just adults and sleep, eat, read and rest. Get up before everyone and go for a long walk. Take moments to recharge, before and after your big vacation. This will help you not need a “vacation from the vacation.”

6. Take care of graduates.

Don’t forget there are people you know who have kids graduating and headed off to school. Prep now for a gift that will be helpful for them. Rather than a life lesson book they’ll never read, think about a gift card or something helpful for their new life in a dorm.

7. Say thank you to teachers.

Coming from a guy who’s married to a teacher, most gifts for teachers are purchased on the way to the final day of school. Maybe ask ahead of time, “What’s your favorite restaurant or home store?” And while a handmade picture frame seems like a good idea at the time, in a few years, what will the teacher really do with that?

Eight weeks left. Let’s make it good. Then really enjoy the summer!

This article originally appeared here.

7 Things the Church Can’t Do for the Pastor

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Pastor, there are some things your church can’t do for you.

They simply can’t.

Please understand. I love the church. Greatly. I’m a local church guy. But they simply can’t do these things for you.

And if you think they can, or you leave it up to them to do these things, you’ll someday find out the hard way—they can’t.

I’ve watched it many times as pastors didn’t do these. They followed the demands of the church and somehow expected the church to be providing these needs. It caused a void.

Some pastors have even crashed and burned waiting for someone else to do for them what only they could do.

Granted, you may have the greatest church of your ministry career, but regardless of how wonderful the church is they can’t do all the things for you that your soul, personal life and ministry demands.

You’ll have to do them yourself—by God’s grace—if they’re going to be done.

Here are seven things your church can’t adequately do for the pastor:

Hold you accountable. The church can’t guard your heart and character. It doesn’t matter how many rules or committees they have, if you want to ruin your life, you’ll find a way around the structure.

Love your family and protect your time with them. They may love your family. They may respect your time with them, but if you really want to protect your family—you’ll have to take the lead role here.

Understand the demands on your time. They can’t. And you’ll only be disappointed if you expect them to. All jokes aside, they know you work more than Sunday, but they don’t know all the pressure placed upon your role. They can’t understand anymore than you can understand what it’s like to sit at their desk, or operate that machine they operate, or drive that police car, or teach that classroom. We only know what we know, and we can’t fully understand what another person’s experience is until we experience it.

Need to Revitalize Your Church? Focus on This

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A passion for missions lies at the heart of the SBC—and at the heart of God, too. Because our God is a God who sends, we are a people who send as well.

You can sum up the Apostle Paul’s evangelization strategy in one sentence: Plant disciple-making churches in strategic cities around the world. As I noted last week, church planting is no substitute for evangelizing and disciple-making; it’s just the best facilitator for it. New churches are, statistically speaking, the most effective means for bringing in new believers.

Of course, in a Convention with more than 46,000 churches, revitalization is an urgent need as well. I believe the two go hand-in-hand. In fact, I believe this because of the experience of our own church. You see, ours is a revitalization story, not a church planting one. Long before the Summit was known for being a church that sends, it was a church that desperately needed a fresh breath of new life.

We Are a Revitalization Story

The Summit Church actually began with the nations in mind. Back in 1962, Sam and Rachel James were preparing to be missionaries to Vietnam, but their departure was slowed by a medical condition affecting their oldest son. Sam was frustrated by the delay, but he used the time to help get a new church started in northern Durham. After months of work, Sam James and a core group of “soul-winners” (this is how he always referred to these men) officially launched “The Homestead Heights Baptist Mission” on March 4, 1962.

Sam only preached one sermon at Homestead Heights, on that launch Sunday, before he and his wife left for the field. For more than four decades, Sam and Rachel faithfully labored in Vietnam. But while they labored for the lost in Vietnam, Homestead Heights lost its focus on the lost in Durham.

The church started well, and for many years it grew by reaching people. But around the time of the 1980s and 1990s, Homestead Heights began that slide so common to many established churches: Its focus turned inward, toward maintaining the status quo. The view toward the nations faded. Attendance began to decline, which only made the leadership re-double their focus on the internal: We have to meet more of our members’ needs!

By the time I arrived at Homestead Heights in 2002, the church was in desperate need of fresh vision and new life. Our attendance had bottomed out at 300, down from nearly 1,000 just a few years before. The road before us wasn’t easy, but I was blessed to have many key leaders who were willing to do whatever it took to reach people again. This core group of 300 wasn’t content to keep focusing on their needs. They wanted to see the church reach the community—and the world. So we re-launched the church as “the Summit” (because we were then located at the highest point in Durham). That core group of 300 vowed to put everything on the table for the sake of the mission. We covenanted around two values: (1) We would do whatever it took to reach people, and (2) we would follow the Spirit wherever he led.

The last 16 years have felt mostly like being a kite caught in a hurricane. Yes, those early days were full of challenges and growing pains. But we are living proof that plateaued congregations can gain new vision and new life, becoming a blessing to their community and the nations.

Sending Capacity Is More Important Than Seating Capacity

One of the key truths we clung to in the early days of the Summit was that sending capacity is more important than seating capacity. We initially thought our primary problems were about declining baptism numbers and poor attendance. But the revitalization we needed had more to do with a loss of mission and vision than it did empty pews.

Our God, you see, is a sending God. He sent his best into the world to save us. Jesus is referred to as “sent” 44 times in the New Testament. After his resurrection, Jesus passed his identity on to his disciples: “As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you” (John 20:21 ESV). To follow Jesus is to be sent.

Ironically enough, we recovered our vision for reaching our community by being involved with the IMB overseas. My first year as pastor, we sent nearly 40 people on a mission trip. It was costly, but they came back with two things: a renewed excitement for what God was doing in cities around the world and the burning question of why we weren’t reaching our own city. That year we collected the largest Lottie Moon offering in our church’s history, being recognized by the IMB as the highest-giving church per capita in the entire SBC. And that year we began to focus more on sending capacity than seating capacity. That shift changed everything.

Shifting from seating capacity to sending capacity entails a fundamental shift in how we think about the mission of the church. Jesus’ vision of the church—the kind of church that would besiege the gates of hell—did not consist of a group of people gathered around one anointed leader but multiple leaders going out in the power of the Spirit. It’s a claim that very few of us take seriously: Jesus literally said that that a multiplicity of Spirit-filled leaders would be greater than his earthly, bodily presence (John 14:12).

In Acts, the biggest advances of the gospel in the New Testament happened through ordinary people. Of all the miracles in Acts, 39 of 40 were done outside of the church. Ordinary people, not big pulpits or big budgets, are the Spirit’s “plan A” for reaching the world. And whether your church is composed of 20 people or 20,000, you’ve got plenty of “ordinary people.”

How Should Christian Parents Respond When Their Kids Are Bullied?

communicating with the unchurched

Recently my daughter told my husband and me the kind of story that simultaneously makes a mother want to weep and put on her boxing gloves. It took place almost three years ago when we were missionaries overseas and my girls were enrolled in the local national school, as well as a variety of after school activities. Suffice it to say, my daughter shared with us how she was bullied by students and teachers alike.

When the story was over I wanted to break down and sob on her behalf and I also wanted to board a plane, march back into that city, and impart a piece of my mind to her aggressors. Clearly, that’s not possible and it wouldn’t be wise if it was.

But what is the right response for Christian parents when our children are bullied?

Remember That Jesus Was Bullied

As Christ followers “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15). Rather we are loved by a Savior who was spat upon, slapped, mocked, betrayed, bound, falsely accused, stripped, beaten, flogged and ultimately killed (Matthew 26 and 27, John 19). Jesus, though he himself was perfect in every way, was bullied and mistreated. He knows what it feels like.

Remember That the Father Saw His Son Bullied

God the Father knows what it’s like to have a child unjustly hurt by others. The Father sees and knows and understands the pain of our children and the grief of our hearts as moms and dads. He has been there too. He is indeed the God who sees (Genesis 16:13).

Remember That We Are Called to Pray for Our Enemies

Admittedly, our first reaction to our daughter’s story was not to pray for her bullies. But Jesus clearly instructs us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). When Jesus suffered the ultimate act of bullying and neared death on the cross he cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Remember That We Are Called to Turn the Other Cheek

Jesus is clear in his instruction and own example to us, “Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39). These are hard words and run contrary to our immediate reflex. As parents we must bear in mind the words of Paul and also impress them upon our children, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

Remember That We Are Called to Protect the Vulnerable

We see clearly Jesus’s affection for children when he welcomed them, embraced them and said to his disciples, “Unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). As Christ followers we must tenaciously protect not only our children, but children everywhere. We must impart this truth to our kids and teach them empathy and to protect the weak as far as they are able. As parents we must be vigilant and watchful—quick to remove our children from harm’s way and willing to bring those who harm children into the light.

Remember to Trust God

Turning the other cheek while also protecting the vulnerable is not an easy and automatic response for parent or child. We must lean on the Lord and cry out to him for wisdom in each situation.

Ultimately, we are comforted and strengthened in remembering that Jesus was bullied, the Father watched his Son be bullied, and that the Lord “works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed” (Psalm 103:6). We can trust his good and sovereign and just hands.

It’s too late for me to intervene on my daughter’s behalf to protect her from her bullies. I am sickened to realize that she was in harm’s way and I had no idea. But today we can rehearse the truth together and we can pray for her former bullies. My husband and I can commit ourselves to protecting our daughters and we can ask God to redeem for good what was meant for evil (Genesis 50:20).

This article originally appeared here.

The Danger of the Foolish Tongue

communicating with the unchurched

As a boy, I grew up the son of a fireman. I spent time hanging out with my father at the fire station, climbing on the fire truck, and hearing stories about my dad’s line of work. I was made to respect the power of fire from an early age. I had heard the stories about homes that had been completely destroyed, belongings that had been forever lost, and lives that had been taken by destructive blazes. Fire is one of those destructive forces that utterly destroys everything in its path.

When we read James, we hear the force of Old Testament proverbial language as he describes the destructive power of the tongue. According to James, the tongue is “a fire, a world of unrighteousness” (James 3:6). Just as James points out, a little fire can set a great forest ablaze—so it is with the power of the tongue. We must respect the power of the tongue and fear the evil that can come if it’s not kept in check. Below are two dangers of an uncontrolled tongue.

The Tongue’s Deceptive Power

Think back to the Garden of Eden—paradise on earth. Adam and Eve were living the dream, until Satan entered the scene. Satan didn’t sing a song to Eve or draw her a picture with chalk art. He spoke directly to her with the slithering and deceptive tongue of a serpent. It was with his deceptive words that he led both Adam and Eve astray—and the result was that death entered the world (Rom. 5:12, “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”

How many times have you heard of people being harmed because of a lying tongue comes to pass. The harmful effects of a lying tongue causes much trouble—and that’s why you hear the Psalmist pleading with the LORD to deliver him “from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue” (Ps. 120:2). God hates a lying tongue, and we must guard ourselves from becoming the victim or the deceiver—both deliver frightening consequences (Prov. 6:17). 

The Tongue’s Divisive Power

Not only did Satan, with deceptive words, separate mankind from God—but time and again throughout history people have been divided because of the power of the tongue. According to the wise words of Solomon, “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21 we find this warning:

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it. 

The power of the tongue, when used inappropriately, can bring much ruin to this world. It can destroy marriages, create division between parent-child relationships, create church splits, and at every juncture Satan laughs. Think on these warnings the next time you’re tempted to slander someone in a conversation. The next time you’re tempted to talk negatively about a pastor—consider the effect it could have. John MacArthur rightly stated, “The effects of slander are always long-lived. Once lies about you have been circulated, it is extremely difficult to clear your name. It’s a lot like trying to recover dandelion seeds after they have been thrown to the wind.” [1]

Some Practical Considerations

  1. The next time you feel an eagerness to speak back to someone with sharp words (spoken word or written word), take a short time to consider the outcome. You may need to follow the 24-hour rule before responding—to be sure your intentions and words are carefully chosen and biblically accurate.
  2. If you are friends with someone who finds it a hobby to gossip about others, you may need to lovingly confront this person with the danger of the tongue. Is this person a member of your church? Is this person seeking to harm people in your life or your church? Are you enabling this person to sin by receiving gossip and slander?
  3. Remember the Lord knows every word you’ve spoken and every word that you have yet to speak, and we will all give an account of how we have used our tongue (Psalm 139:4).
  4. Remember the one who keeps his tongue in check is one who stays out of trouble (Proverbs 21:22).

Evangelism: What the Fastest Growing Churches Know

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Is evangelism a thing of the past for the American church? It makes one wonder when 51% of churchgoers are unfamiliar with the term “The Great Commission,” according to a new study from Barna. But according to Outreach Magazine’s “100 Fastest Growing Churches” report, evangelism is alive and well!

To be crystal clear: The Great Commission is in Matthew 28:18-20 where Jesus gave His last directions to His followers before ascending to heaven: 

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

That is the Great Commission! And the churches who have oriented everything they do around Jesus’ command are experiencing phenomenal growth.

Every year, Outreach Magazine conducts its “100 Fastest Growing Churches in America” report in conjunction with The LifeWay Research team. To discover the state of evangelism in growing churches, ChurchLeaders studied the top-10 fastest growing churches. What we learned will inspire and equip you to focus on evangelism in your church as your #1 priority–for church growth and the kingdom of God!

Just a note: This is not a how-to article but rather an in-depth look at how church leaders develop a church evangelism strategy to effectively create a church culture for evangelism and how that culture for evangelism in partnership with the Holy Spirit results in the kind of dramatic life change that Senior Pastor Gene Appel from Eastside Christian Church in Anaheim, California, describes: “I love seeing the power of the gospel to change the lives of people from all walks of life, ethnicities, circumstances and backgrounds—who in turn become change-makers that God uses to transform more lives. It never gets old.”

Evangelism: 12 Things We Learned From the Fastest Growing Churches

1. For a culture of evangelism, focus on JESUS.

“Early on, we discovered in our post-Christian, heavily Catholic city that if we pointed to Jesus, not to religion, Jesus would draw all unto him as he promises in the Bible,” says Sonny Hennessy, executive pastor and marketing director at Life Church Green Bay in De Pere, Wisconsin. “Everything we do is filtered through the Great Commission of living out the life-giving message of Jesus, being ‘Jesus with skin on’ to all around us.

“We even call ourselves ‘Jesus-people on this Jesus journey together,’ just to remind ourselves to be more like Jesus every day. Jesus is attractive even to people who have been hurt by the church or who reject religion. Jesus and Jesus-people bridge a gap that pastors can’t. We point people to Jesus and realize the church is a tool but not their source. This is new to people in a post-Christian or liturgical culture.”

2. For a culture of evangelism, celebrate lives transformed by the gospel.

When people encounter Jesus, their lives are changed and that creates more fervor around the gospel.

“Our people have been awakened afresh to the beauty of Jesus and the real-life significance of what Jesus has done for us,” says Wes Feltner, Lead Pastor at Berean Baptist Church in Burnsville, Minnesota. “Because of this renewal, we have a culture at our church where it is OK to not be OK. People come with real struggles, ready for real hope that can only be found in the gospel of Jesus.”

Senior Pastor Dudley Rutherford from Shepherd Church in Porter Ranch, California, emphasizes: “We follow three principles in sharing the gospel. Finding people who are hurting and directing them to help. Finding people who feel hopeless and giving them the gift of hope. Finding men and women, teens and children who have never heard of Jesus Christ and introducing them to the Savior and Lord, so they may then find people and do the same.”

3. For a culture of evangelism, focus on the simplicity of the Gospel.

The only time I heard Billy Graham speak in person I thought, “That’s it?” I didn’t realize at the time that I was experiencing Billy Graham’s dogged devotion to the simplicity of the gospel:

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