Home Blog Page 814

Missionary Into the Digital World

Father’s Day program ideas for church

The most popular destination for children online is YouTube. It used to be that when you asked, “Where are the kids?” you were talking about a physical location. Now, it just might be a digital location in a world called Minecraft.

The kids are in places that just simply weren’t places when I was a tiny human. Children don’t know life without the Internet. They don’t know a time when they didn’t have access to the entire history of recorded music. They’ve never experienced the latest release being booked out at the local video store. And just as an aside, the number one song when teens (who are entering college this year) were born … “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. But this is not an article designed to make you feel old, but instead impress upon you the idea that you and I are immigrants into another culture. We are missionaries trying to reach another world of natives. In fact, the generation born 1995-2009 have been described as “digital natives”—the first global generation shaped by the 21st century connected by devices and engaged in social media. And, there are about 2 billion of them worldwide!

If you are a missionary entering another culture you should know the most important first step … learn the language. I suggest that, as a leader, you see yourself as an immigrant into another world. Ask questions, seek to empathize and understand a perspective on the world that may be different than yours. So how do you go about being a missionary into the world of children?

Be There!

As a missionary into the world of kids, you need to know where they are and be there! As I mentioned earlier, today they are on YouTube. You’re not looking to “go viral.” You’re not looking to make your ministry budget from running ads on your videos. You’re looking to simply show up. Your content doesn’t need to have perfect artwork with pretty thumbnails for each video, but you need to be there … on YouTube!

It’s highly likely your children know another kid/teenager who is on YouTube. As a 10-year-old watching MacGyver on TV I knew that making a show costs a lot of money and I certainly didn’t know anyone making TV shows. It was out of reach, impossible! Today our children not only know that it’s possible that a million people could watch their video in one day, they think they probably could make it.

You cannot afford to not be there. How strange it could seem for a child to see their 10-year-old sister on YouTube but not their 30-year-old kids’ pastor? “Does he not know how to upload video?” they silently ask. The creators rule this generation. As the saying goes: “The haters hate and the creators create.” If you aren’t creating, you’re just consuming. In a world where, as a leader, you believe you must influence lives, you need to be a creator!

One of my goals with Hillsong Kids is to avoid creating dualistic lives where the “church world” children know exists separate and apart from the family/school/friend world which they spend most of their time in. I see a generation of children where the kingdom of God is integrated into every area of a life, every moment of the day.

Let me sum this up: Jesus wants kids to come to Him. Be where they are so you can show them the way.

Even YouTube themselves know that kids are huge users of their service. The greatest development recently is the YouTube Kids app (itunes.apple.com/us/app/youtube-kids/id936971630?mt=8) currently launching around the world. This app is designed just for kids; they can discover, learn and be entertained by videos that are kid approved and family friendly. Parents can now have more control of the YouTube Kids’ experience by adjusting the settings such as, turning off “search,” reducing the chance that children will find content that they don’t want them to watch, or even set a built-in timer to let kids know when it’s time to stop watching.

5 Motivational Keys for Leading Others—And Yourself

Father’s Day program ideas for church

We all have motivations that get us out of bed in the morning. And we all have a wide array of forces that impact our sense of identity as it relates to work.

I have found it helpful to identify these and to explore their interrelationship. In doing so, there are multiple benefits to fortifying your life as a ministry leader. In fact, great leaders deeply understand these benefits in their own life. In addition, these motivations and the benefits of understanding them become very helpful in stewarding the gifts and talents of others. What are the benefits of exploring the five motivations? They include:

  • Building self-awareness
  • Bringing a higher perspective to everyday work
  • Enhancing a God-focused life
  • Aiding in value-based, directional career decision-making
  • Finding health and balance in your job.

Explore these five motivations for your work. While some of these categories may be defined from a negative point of view (careerism is selfish), I consider them from a positive perspective.

1. Work as Job: “I get paid in order to live.”

All of us, with few exceptions, start here. You get a job to put bread on the table and to pay the rent. It’s a baseline and noble motivation—survival.

2. Work as Career: “I advance my life.” 

In addition to getting paid, it’s nice to know you will get paid more in the future. Progress is a life impulse biologically and emotionally. When you add a little testosterone to the equation, watch out. The impetus to win and to have more influence and to “better your position” becomes a significant, if not dominating, motive for most people. While Jesus never rebukes the motivation for progress, he does rebuke the selfish and worldly interpretation of what progress looks like (lording over people verses serving them).

3. Work as Fulfillment: “I enjoy using my life’s talents and abilities.” 

When people cultivate an awareness and practice of their gifts, new things begin to emerge in the motivational dynamic. “Work as job” and “work as career” motivations begin to shift. For example, I might be willing to trade financial benefit or title of influence for the euphoria of a tightly aligned role match with my passion or talents.

4. Work as Calling: “God created my life for a unique purpose.” 

The definition of calling may have some nuances depending on your faith background. Here, I mean the term to reflect a personal relationship with God that brings the revelation of a life agenda or purpose or destiny. It’s the movement from occupation to vocation. This is more specific than a generic, “I follow Jesus,” or, “God has a wonderful plan for your life.” And this specificity is very real and concrete to those who discern it or find it or receive it. Luke wrote of Paul in Acts 13:36, “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep.”

5. Work as Convergence: “I enjoy life for God’s glory.” 

I have struggled with the idea of calling being the ultimate “right” motivation. In some ways, that is the obvious answer. In other ways,  I believe in the nobility of every level and the opportunity to engage in as many levels as possible. “Work as convergence” is the answer. Even though one may be clear on calling, isn’t it still natural to desire a sense of fulfillment and advancement? I think so. As the Westminster Confession reminds us, glorifying God isn’t separable from enjoying him. On another practical level, convergence brings the overlap of “work as job” and “work as calling.” Many feel like they have to work a “job” in order to serve God (calling) in some other area of life. In this case, there is an opportunity to explore convergence.  

Three Ways to Remember God’s Grace

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Remembering who God is and who we are is the antidote to grumbling. If we see our world, our lives, and our circumstances through the lens of Jesus’ cross, everything will come into focus. And that clarity of sight will awaken joy in us. It is looking through this lens that we find a deep sense of what it means to be loved by a good and kind heavenly Father.

Here are three examples of how God calls the people of Israel to remember. Rather than just gloss over the past, we are called to recall it, letting the testimony of God’s faithfulness spur us on in love and worship.

Three Ways to Remember God’s Grace

1. Remember God’s redemption in order to obey his words.

In Deuteronomy 5:15 God says, “You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.”

What does the Sabbath have to do with slavery? Why should Israel remember their former enslavement in Egypt, and what does that have to do with keeping the Sabbath? The logic works like this: Only slaves work seven days a week with no breaks, but now God has graciously freed you to rest one day out of seven. You are redeemed and freed people, so live like it. Remember God’s gracious redemption and let it remind you that you’re free to follow God’s ways. You are no longer a slave to an evil taskmaster.

In the same way, we should remember our former enslavement to sin and wickedness. We were slaves to our debased cravings. But now God has rescued us out of darkness into his light so that we might delight ourselves in him. If we are rightly remembering our former condition, we’ll see the joy and beauty of Christ’s commands. Holiness is not a burden—it’s liberation. Remembering what God has done helps us gladly obey his commands. He knows what’s best for us.

2. Remember your former condition in order to be compassionate to others.

God again reminds Israel that they were slaves in Egypt so that they will not pervert justice for the sojourner or fatherless (Deuteronomy 24:17–18). The logic goes like this: Don’t oppress the weak because you were once weak and oppressed. Remember how you were once in their same shoes and how God watched over you.

Church Decline: 6 Ways to Reverse a Shrinking Church

I don’t particularly like the “quick-fix” formula some pundits offer to leaders of churches that are plateaued or experiencing a church decline.

The approaches often appear to be man centered and methodological. Indeed, many times I think the solutions offered could just as easily apply to a civic organization as they could a church.

Nevertheless, I have had the wonderful opportunity to research churches across America, as well as to have literally hundreds of conversations with church leaders in a variety of settings.

What I have learned is that many churches have plateaued or declined. Many leaders are frustrated and seeking God’s solution to the situation. And a number of churches exhibit common patterns when they break out of their numerical slump.

6 ways to reverse church decline:

1. To reverse a church decline, churches enter a time of corporate prayer and fasting.

Sometimes the period is a short duration, such as 24 hours. But in that time, many members of the body agree to pray and fast to seek God’s face for His will for His church.

In some churches, the number of members who participate is relatively small compared to the whole membership. In other situations, a large number may participate. In each case, those who do pray and fast understand only God can ultimately give the increase to a congregation.

2. To reverse a church decline, churches start new groups.

Churches that start new small groups, new Sunday school classes, new home groups, new discipleship groups and a plethora of other possible groups, often experience turnaround growth. More often than not, the approach to starting these groups is more strategic than haphazard, and more intentional than incidental.

3. To reverse a church decline, churches start new worship services.

These worship services may be on Sunday morning, but they could be on other days and times as well. They could be new campuses or new venues. Like those that start new groups, many of the breakout churches strategically and intentionally make the starting of new worship services a vital part of the present and future of the congregation.

4. To reverse a church decline, churches emphasize the power of inviting.

The pastor emphasizes it from the pulpit. Printed and web information constantly reminds members to invite others. The leadership of the church seeks to make the act of inviting others part of the DNA of the congregation.

5. To reverse a church decline, churches emphasize the importance of groups growing.

Not only do breakout churches place a high priority on creating new groups, they often emphasize the importance of the groups themselves growing. Leaders attempt to instill a Great Commission mindset, not only for the church as a whole, but also for each group individually.

6. To reverse a church decline, churches truly serve the community.

Many churches break their cycles of decline or plateau by providing means for members to serve the community. This service is far more than inviting persons to come to the church facilities. It involves such activities as painting public school classrooms, resourcing indigent school children, providing free refreshments at community events, and being a force for mobilization to meet needs expressed by community leaders.

These six breakout suggestions are not some quick-fix formula to reverse decline. Inherent in each of them are changes in mindsets and attitudes. Some churches have succeeded by implementing only one of them. Others have successfully done all of them and even more.

Indeed, you can help both the readers and me by sharing other breakout approaches your church has used. Your response may very well make the difference in the life of a church and, thus, the lives of many people.

What Are The Best Church Website Keywords For Your Church?

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Ok, so you have spent the time and effort to build a beautiful church website for your church as I showed you how to do with my guide to church websites. People are just going to start flocking to your church now right? Wrong! That is only the first step. You need to optimize your church website for Google, Bing, and Yahoo. However, how do you do that? I am going to show you how to optimize your website by using church website keywords so people who are searching for a church will find your church out of all the other church websites in your community.

What Are Keywords?

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of church website keywords, we need to go over some definitions.

The word keyword is used in two different instances; “meta keywords” and “targeted keywords.”

A keyword or keywords is a word or words that describe what your page is about. For instance, this page is about “church website keywords.”

Years ago, part of web page design was an unseen section that gave the “meta keywords” for a page. This was usually the same as the topic of the page but was only seen by search engine crawlers. This is no longer necessary, and Google has explicitly stated they do not use them anymore.

However, that does not mean that you do not want to understand keywords and how to use them in the content of your website. It is essential for you to have your keywords in your content.

One of the biggest mistakes I see churches do with their websites is to have really thin content and not understand the importance of keywords.

For instance, take a look at some of these church slogans.

  • “A place where everyone fits.”
  • “An introspective community of believers.”
  • “No perfect people allowed. “

Those aren’t bad slogans, and they do communicate to people who land on the website but what do they relate to the search crawlers concerning what your site is about? It could be a bar, a meditation group, or a prison for that matter.

Your keywords describe what your page and your website in whole is about. They need to be in your content.

How To Find Church Website Keywords For Your Church

Ok, so now you understand the concept of what keywords are. Now you need to think about how people search for a church. You see, it will do you no good to have keywords on your church website that nobody is searching for.

You could have the best-optimized page for “Christ followers in Corpus Christi, but if nobody is searching for that term, then nobody is going to find your church. So how do you know what people are searching for to find a church?

Ask yourself this question. If I was new to my community, what would I search for in trying to find a church? Would it be something like this?

Catholic Church in Corpus Christi? Pentecostal Church In Peoria? What about Non-Denominational Church In Nantucket?

What about this? Christian youth activities in Your Town? Alternatively, Bible studies in Your Town?

Are you getting the picture?

People search for phrases that are relevant to what they are looking for and even though you may want to sound hip, that is not going to translate to what a searcher will type into the search box when looking for a church.

Getting Even More Intentional With Keywords

You can even get more intentional with your keyword targeting. You can use a tool that will tell you exactly how many people per month search for a phrase and what phrases they use. Using for up to 10 keywords per day is free. It is called Keyword Finder.

With this tool, I was able to discern that people were searching for churches not only in my town but many of the neighboring cities as well. It also showed me which type or style of church people was searching for.

With that tool, I was able to target enough keywords that there are over 200 people per month that now come to our church website. Let me show you one example of what I am talking about.

Examples Of Church Keywords

Image of some of the Vineyard church website keywords

Here are a couple of cases I have taken from our church website. Let’s see if you can figure out what keywords I targeted. What keywords did you come up with? Here is what I targeted.

  • Vineyard Church
  • Non-Denominational Church
  • Spirit Filled Church
  • Christian Church

So when people search for a Christian Church, Vineyard Church, Non-Denominational Church, or Spirit Filled Church in San Carlos, guess who comes up in their search results!

Now here is something else I have done.

For every community within 10 miles from us, I have built a page that talks about that community and what activities or people we have that live within that community.

So guess what happens when they search for one of the keywords in the list above but their local community?

On this page, I targeted San Francisco Church which is 20 miles away, but it has 2,000 searches per month. Some of those are from our area since we are part of what is called the Bay area.

So now I think you get the idea. I can’t answer what the best church website keywords for your church are, but I can tell you they will look similar to mine just adapted for the type of church and the location that you are serving.

 

This article originally appeared here, and is used by permission.

Lecrae Honors Terminally Ill Ravi Zacharias: ‘I’m glad he was here during my lifetime’

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Editor’s Note: After the publishing of this article, an independent investigation found allegations implicating Ravi Zacharias of sexual abuse to be credible. Prior to this report, ChurchLeaders had published multiple articles about Ravi Zacharias and his ministry. Although our editorial team believes his work still has value since it involved articulating the truths of God’s Word, we would be remiss not to disclose the painful truth of Mr. Zacharias’ personal actions that have come to light following his death. For further reading, please see:
Sexting, Spiritual Abuse, Rape: Devastating Full Report on Ravi Zacharias Released
The Story Behind the Ravi Zacharias Allegations (Part 1): Lawsuits, NDAs, and Email Threads
The Story Behind the Ravi Zacharias Allegations (Part 2): ‘Cursory’ Investigations and More Accusations


Christian recording artist Lecrae, once an atheist, is crediting beloved apologist and speaker Ravi Zacharias with giving him the tools to navigate “hard questions.”

In a Facebook post published Monday night, the rapper asked, “What in the world ties a black kid from hip hop culture to a scholar from Delhi, India?”

Lecrae revealed he would often finish his concerts and head back to his tour bus, where he’d spend hours poring over Zacharias’ videos and lectures. Lecrae said, “I used to find myself on tour rapping in front of thousands of people, leaving stage and coming back to my tour bus devouring his videos and lectures. As a former atheist and skeptic, now believer, I wanted my peers in the culture who didn’t believe to have answers to hard questions. ‘Why is there evil in the world?’ ‘Where is God in the midst of suffering and injustice?’ I would digest his lectures in front of prestigious universities and craft the insight into my own language.”

Lecrae is a Christian hip hop recording artist, songwriter, music executive, and actor. He is the president, co-owner and co-founder of the independent record label Reach Records.

“Because of #RaviZacharias I had answers to hard questions,” Lecrae posted. “Who would’ve thought a tour bus full of young rappin city kids would go in between watching Hip Hop award shows to theological debates and lectures. I just want to give this man his roses while he’s still here. I know God is likely taking him home soon, but Im glad he was here during my lifetime.”

Zacharias’ daughter, Sarah Davis, posted on May 9 that “we have just learned that while the tumor in my dad’s sacrum has been responding to the chemotherapy, the area where the cancer metastasized has actually worsened. His oncologist informed us that this cancer is very rare in its aggression and that no options for further treatment remain. Medically speaking, they have done all they are able.”

Davis, the CEO of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM), wrote this in an update posted to the apologist’s Facebook page.

Fellowship Church: This Is How We Reopened

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Pastors Ed and Lisa Young of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas, have “reopened” their church while following the CDC’s guidelines and the guidance provided by the state of Texas. The pastors and other Fellowship church leaders recently shared on a webinar the thorough and detailed precautions they took, how they communicated to their church members, and how their worship experiences actually went.

 “We took the step…once we were given the opportunity, and we just want to share today what that looked like,” said Lisa. “At some point, we all have to be prepared. We’re all going to have to start thinking strategically.” 

Fellowship Church Comes Back to Church

Guidelines currently look different from state to state as far as when churches will have the option to meet again in person. But sooner or later, all congregations will have to figure out what gathering again looks like. Houses of worship in the state of Texas are at present deemed essential services and are allowed to meet, while being encouraged to follow social distancing and safety precautions.

Directing the Flow of Traffic

Fellowship Church leaders did everything they could to ensure that people would have no questions about what to do or where to go once they arrived for worship. Tianne Moone, Fellowship Church’s Director of Spiritual Development/Assimilation, explained, “Every step of the way, we wanted them to feel confident about what they needed to do next.”

The church provided face coverings to all their volunteers, who directed attendees from the moment church members arrived in the parking lot. Volunteers had visitors park in every other space and were prepared to stem the flow of people if too many started arriving at once.

When visitors entered the building, church volunteers knew exactly which sanctuary entrance to point them to so that people would be able to maintain a safe distance from one another. There were also clear pathways for people to take after they entered the sanctuary. Once in the worship center, hosts showed people where to sit. Families sat together, but in every other row, with three seats between each family unit. This way, there was six feet between each family.

“This went seamlessly,” said Moone. There was no guessing where to go, no cross traffic, and no milling around. She said, “Our goal was that when somebody left their car seat, we did not want them to stop moving until they got to their worship center seat.”

Fellowship Church leaders said that, as much as you can, it is important to think through ahead of time the various scenarios you could face during the service. What if a single mom comes with a baby in a stroller? Where are you going to put the stroller? What if someone gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the worship service? One precaution Fellowship took was they decided to allow half as many guests inside a restroom as the number of sinks in that restroom. Then they had volunteers stationed outside each one, controlling how many people entered.

When the service was over, people exited the same way they came in, with the worship hosts dismissing rows and alternating which side of the row people left on. Because people don’t see or hear as well with masks on, it’s important for volunteers to be assertive with their directions. It’s also best for volunteers to keep their gestures below their shoulders so that they don’t come across as though they are herding cattle.

Lisa emphasized that these strategies work in a church of any size, not just churches with large buildings and sanctuaries. Fellowship Church has locations that are smaller, she said, and these protocols worked there. Remember that people are already familiar with social distancing guidelines and are willing to follow them. 

Christian Families Summoned, Beaten and Threatened With Death in Chhattisgarh, India

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Hyderabad, India (Morning Star News) – Animists in central India last week told five Christian families they would lose their harvest lands unless they returned to their tribal religion and beat them when they refused, sources said.

When the families answered a summons to a meeting with Salhephal village leaders in Bastar District, Chhattisgarh state on Tuesday (May 5), they found the tribal elders estimating the value of their lands, pastor Sirisguda Ramdhar told Morning Star News. The Christians had forbidden a tribal animist leader, Dulla Poyami, to perform tribal worship on their land, he said.

“The village leaders told the Christians, ‘You are not partaking in our tribal rituals, and so we cannot allow you to profit from your agricultural lands,’” Pastor Ramdhar told Morning Star News.

The Christians told them the lands were registered in their names, and that they were working hard to earn their bread, he said. “We follow our faith but have never been a burden on this village or to our kinsmen—you cannot snatch away our lands,” they told the tribal elders, according to the pastor.

“Even before they spoke any word further, the elders stood up and stormed at Christians Madda Poyami and Badda Poyami,” he said.

They began beating the two Christians, and a mob of at least 60 people soon gathered around them and the Christian families, clamoring for them to renounce their faith in Christ, he said.

“When the Christians refused, they abused them in extremely vulgar language and started beating them,” Pastor Ramdhar said. “The mob was very furious and did not spare even the women. They stoned Madda Poyami, injuring him in his head and knee.”

Poyami was admitted to the government hospital in Jagdalpur for treatment. Christians Bodda Poyami, Raino Poyami, Sumani Poyami, Hande Poyame, Jagri Poyami and Besalbati Poyami were also injured in the mob attack, and some of them received medical treatment without being admitted to the hospital, Pastor Ramdhar said.

He said the tribal animists, who worship and sacrifice to various tribal gods based in nature, had threatened to expel the Christian families and seize their land for more than a year.

Son Singh Jhali, a lawyer allied with legal advocacy group Alliance Defending Freedom India (ADF India), visited the injured at the hospital and helped them draft a complaint to be filed at the Kodenar police station.

“The medical proofs are important to support the complaint and enable the police officers to register cases against the assailants,” Jhali told Morning Star News.

Death Threat in Central India

Also on Tuesday (May 5) in Bastar District, residents of Naktoka village who follow a mix of tribal religion and Hinduism threatened to kill Christians if they tried to give a Christian burial for one of their dead in the community graveyard, Pastor Guptaram Kawasi said.

“A mob of more than 100 villagers opposed the burial of Bhima Kashyap in the graveyard allotted for villagers, accusing him of adopting foreign faith,” Pastor Kawasi told Morning Star News. “The Christian family was put under immense pressure to perform his last rites as per the Hindu and tribal traditions followed in the village.”

Villagers told the family they must undergo a reconversion ritual in order to perform last rites, he said.

Watch: Dolly Parton Wrote a Song for ‘all the mamas out there”

Father’s Day program ideas for church

It’s been several years since Dolly Parton lost her mother, but the time hasn’t lessened the singer’s appreciation for her. Avie Lee Owens Parton passed away in 2003 at the age of 80. She raised 12 children, one of whom she encouraged to pursue music. You may know that Dolly Parton’s hit song “Coat of Many Colors” was inspired by Avie Lee Owen Parton’s ingenuity and care. On Mother’s Day this year, Dolly Parton wanted to express the gratitude she feels for her mother by writing a special song capturing the sacrificial love mothers show their children on a daily basis.

“I always say that having a wonderful mom is one of the greatest gifts that God can bestow on any of us,” Parton says in a video she posted to her social media accounts on Sunday, May 10th. 

The song describes a mother cooking, cleaning, and sewing for her family. “The one who never sleeps ‘til all’s in bed / The one that never eats ‘til all are fed,” Dolly sings. And while the song represents memories Dolly has of her own mother taking care of her as a child, the country music legend says she wrote it thinking it “might fit everybody’s mama.” 

Dolly Parton’s mother played a role in developing the singer’s love for songwriting and singing. An article on DollyParton.com describes the very first song Dolly ever wrote:

“Little Tiny Tasseltop” was composed by a young Dolly even before she could read or write. The song was inspired by a corncob doll, with corn silk hair, that Avie Lee handcrafted for little Dolly. As she played with her precious doll on the front porch, she began singing. Avie Lee quickly wrote down the lyrics to what would become Dolly’s very first song.

Avie Lee Owens’ father was a preacher, which might explain Dolly’s affinity for Christianity and faith. On Easter Sunday, Dolly shared an encouraging message about the fact that we may not be able to go to church this year, but we can still worship God from our houses. Dolly shared that despite the rough time we’re going through this year, we should think about the “rough week that Jesus had, and look how well that turned out for us.” 

While Dolly Parton has sung many a gospel song on her records and in her concerts over the years, recently she’s been teaming up with contemporary Christian artists to collaborate on songs. When Luke and Joel Smallbone of For King & Country approached Parton to ask her to sing on a remake of their song “God Only Knows,” the country music star said yes right away. Apparently, she had been looking for more faith-based projects to work on. Parton told the Tennessean the request felt like “it fell from the sky” and that she was “blessed” to work on the song with the Smallbone brothers. Luke Smallbone said Dolly’s voice contains an authenticity few other singers possess. “I think about all she has experienced as a woman in the entertainment world and the social changes. When she says, ‘God only knows,’ you feel it. You believe her.”

Since lending her voice to “God Only Knows”, she also joined Zach Williams to sing “There Was Jesus,” a song about the fact that God never leaves us or forsakes us. 

Below we’ve included the lyrics for Dolly Parton’s Mother’s Day Song. In Dolly’s words, “Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas out there!”

Mama
The one that wipes the noses and the tears
Mama
The one who keeps the peace and calms the fears
She irons and washes clothes
She cooks, she cleans, she sews
She’s good about resolving family drama
A friend, our guiding light
She’s Daddy’s loving wife
A constant in our lives
Mama

The one who never sleeps ‘til all’s in bed
The one that never eats ‘til all are fed
Her never-ending love
Her gentle, caring touch
She never asked for much
Mama

Oh Mama
The one that wipes the noses and the tears
Oh Mama
The one who keeps the peace and calms the fears
She irons and washes clothes
She cooks, she cleans, she sews
An angel, heaven knows
Mama

Mama, you will always be
The very core and heart of me
And even though you’re gone,
I see your love in everything
When I look in my children’s eyes
It makes me think and realize
What you’ve done to
Enrich my life
Hope I can do the same

Oh Mama
The one that wipes the noses and the tears
Oh Mama
The one who keeps the peace and calms the fears
She irons and washes clothes
She cooks, she cleans, she sews
An angel, heaven knows
Mama

A friend our guiding light
She’s Daddy’s loving wife
A constant in our lives
Mama
An angel in our lives
Sweet Mama
Oh Mama
I love you, Mama

Why Your Best Leaders Leave Your Church

Father’s Day program ideas for church

It hurts when people leave. It’s been said that people don’t quit organizations—they quit people. So it hurts when leaders in the church decide to leave.

There are a million reasons why, over time, we can lose talented volunteers or staff members. Sometimes it’s circumstantial. Other times, it’s just a natural pattern of growth and development. But not always, and probably not often. In reviewing a recent article in Forbes magazine on why top talent leaves business, here are some trends that tend to surface as common reasons people become disenfranchised.

11 Reasons Why Leaders in the Church Leave

1. We Stop Leading With Vision

Vision matters. It creates momentum and excitement. When we lead with vision and with “why,” we’re doing something that makes people move from renters to owners. Vision births passion.

2. We Don’t Allow People to Unleash Their Passions

It’s vital to keep leaders in the church engaged and to align their passions with opportunities. When people are passionate about something, they not only want to do it…they have to do it. When we miss the chance to align passion and purpose, we fail our best people.

3. We Control Rather Than Trust

Great people want to be trusted. They won’t be capable of sticking around if they feel they need to be micro-managed. Will they mess up? Yes. Will they do things different than we think they should? Probably. But growth—for them and for our organization—requires sharing not just the responsibility but also the authority. This creates leaders that will learn from you and your systems and help lead and coach other leaders.

4. We Lack Creative Engagement

Creative people want to make things better. Our best people want to add value to our organizations. They love to challenge and questions. They seek opportunities to engage and innovate. We have to free our best people to soar and do their best work.

5. We Don’t Coach

Learners are leaders. We’re all on a journey and all want to get better, smarter and more valuable. Make sure we’re creating a culture that puts a premium on coaching and learning for leaders in the church.

6. We Stop Challenging

We’re responsible to challenge our best people. Challenge them to be their best, do their best, and to engage using their skills, intelligence and resource. If people become bored and aren’t given challenges, they will go find someplace where they can be pushed to be better.

7. We Don’t Create Venues for Their Voice

Make sure we’re giving our best people room to have a voice. Leaders can’t make their best decisions if they only have one opinion or one set of data. Our best people have valuable information and opinions to share. If we don’t listen, we’ll miss this important information.

8. We Cared More About the Result Than the Person

People matter. When people feel we care more about their product than we do about their person, we’ll lose them. It’s messy and takes valuable time, but it’s the best investment we can make. Put a premium on people and we won’t have to worry about the product…it will take care of itself.

9. We Never Shared the Love

Never take the credit, always take the responsibility. Sharing the credit and promoting the “team” builds value and trust. When we use people for our agenda, we destroy morale. When things are good, it’s all about the team. When things are off, it’s all about the leader.

10. We Over Promised/Under Delivered

Always. It helps people feel like they are winning and when we’re on winning streaks we’re much more content and engaged.

11. We Provided Responsibility, but Not Authority

It never works. If quality people are held to a certain level of responsibility but do not have the necessary authority, they will vanish. People will gladly accept challenges when they feel they are empowered to lead.

We don’t have to pay attention to these opportunities. But if we don’t, someone else will and one day we’ll look around and wonder what happened to our most talented people and why they’re all working together, enjoying life, creating momentum and changing the world in another organization.

What would you add to this list?

This article originally appeared here.

4 Ways to Get Your Kids’ Attention Without Raising Your Voice

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Have you ever known that parent who by their actions seemed to think that the louder their voice got, the more their kids would listen? (Of course, we’ve never been that parent, right?) There are more effective ways to get your kids’ attention.

But as we all know, it’s no secret that louder voices don’t raise more obedient kids. Yet many parents continue yelling at their kids with the volume default on high despite the fact that it rarely produces their desired results.

Somehow parents get the mistaken idea that if my kids aren’t listening, then I’ve got to start increasing my volume and intensity level. Unfortunately, many moms and dads have done this so much that their kids know exactly how much they can get away with before their parents reach the “snapping point” (when they know they’d better obey, or else). And so once mom or dad get to that point where they’re about to lose it, little Johnny or Susie reluctantly obey, so as to avoid “the wrath”.

A few good questions to ask for parents who operate this way on a regular basis are these:

  • Do you think that’s the best way or even God’s intended way for parents and children?
  • Which of these two things does it bring more of to your home – peace or tension?
  • If it’s not really working, why do you keep doing it?

While there could be many different answers to that last question, some of them could be the fact that this was how we were raised as children… or it’s our alternative to having to use discipline, because we know they’ll eventually listen…  or maybe because we’ve just given in to the lie that “That’s just the way it’s done.”

May I encourage you as a parent, that there is a much better way! You CAN get your kids to take you seriously without yelling at them or raising your voice.

Here are 4 ideas to get your kids’ attention:

1.  USE WORDS WITH TEETH

Proverbs 29:17  Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.

“Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your kids know when you’re bluffing.”

Let your words stand on their own, without having to be backed up with the voice of a military sergeant. If your words are not obeyed, follow through with consequences. Do not follow up with incremental increases of volume or an eventual eruption of anger. Because words backed up with consequences have much more teeth than words backed up with volume.

We’ve all seen (or been) that parent who says ‘No’ 15 times before finally giving in to the demands of their child. Don’t be that parent. Follow through with your word. If you say “this is what will happen if you don’t stop”, then make sure that come what may, that is what happens if they don’t stop. Use words with teeth.

2.  HAVE A FREQUENTLY USED ROD

Proverbs 22:15  Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 29:15  The rod and reproof give wisdom.

Biblical discipline is one of the greatest ways to avoid having to raise your voice with your kids. But you can’t just talk about it. You must consistently use it.

Especially when our kids were younger, they would test us and our rules even more when we were in public (usually at church or in the store). We came to realize how crucial is was in those moments that we won those “little battles.” Because our little “angels” were testing the waters to see how devilish they could get away with being when other people were around.

What we ended up having to do was carry a wooden spoon in our vehicle so that when those testing times reared up their ugly head, we could dismiss ourselves from whatever public setting we were in and go deal with business at the moment it needed to be dealt with.

A frequently used rod solved those problems more quickly and easily than being that parent in the store who’s yelling at their kids to behave, or that parent in the pew who sounds like a broken record telling their kids to “straighten up” in church.

3.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF INCENTIVES THAT MOTIVATE

Psalm 58:11  Verily there is a reward for the righteous.

The Bible clearly teaches that good is rewarded, so why shouldn’t we be using this approach to motivate our children to action and obedience? Who do you think is going to want to obey more, the child who’s on the receiving end of negativity and yelling, or the child on the receiving end of motivation and reward?

As a kid, there were a lot of things I would gladly do for my parents for things like… ice cream!  As parents, let’s be careful not to give our kids everything they want without using it to both of our advantages. (new toys, games, clothes, media time) Learn to leverage those things as being privileges to be earned and kept, not rights to simply be expected. Take advantage of incentives that motivate, because “there is a reward for the righteous.”

4.  LEVERAGE A SOFT ANSWER AND A STERN LOOK

Proverbs 15:1  A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grevious words stir up anger.

2 Samuel 22:28  Thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.

There’s something powerful in whispered words that say “Just wait until we get home.” Or in a piercing look of displeasure that is absent of any words at all. Teach your children to know when you’re serious, and as a result, they will.

It may take a few times of proving this by backing your soft answer or stern look with appropriate consequences. But I assure you that they’ll learn to know when you’re serious, and they’ll take note. Learn to leverage a soft answer and a stern look in your parenting approach. It’s both biblical and greatly beneficial.

I hope these ideas will give you some tools/reminders to help align your efforts at parenting your children God’s way. God never intended for kids to be raised by angry and verbally abusive or loud-mouthed parents. If you’ll do it God’s way, you’ll be able to be taken seriously. And you’ll do it without yelling at your kids.

The best part is that everyone (you, your kids, and the person next to you in the grocery aisle) will be much happier because of it. 😉

This article about how to get your kids’ attention originally appeared here.

Ministering to Healthcare Workers in the Midst of a Pandemic

Father’s Day program ideas for church

One of the groups that the current crisis has put in the spotlight is healthcare workers. While healthcare workers have always had a crucial role to play in serving their communities, our current crisis has made us much more aware of their role and of the unique challenges they face in a time like this. I’ve had the privilege of ministering full-time to those in the healthcare professions for the past 18 years. There has never been anything like this!

Just today I spoke to an Emergency Room physician who shared about the stress he is experiencing. Yesterday he intubated 3 patients, which means he was very close to their airways, the most dangerous place he could be. He shared that 70% of their patients either have COVID-19 or are suspected of having it. Besides the danger to himself, he has a wife and several children at home whom he wants to protect. Since we all have stay-at-home orders, what can we do to help such people? Actually, a lot.

Where to Begin

First, listen to their story. Try to understand and empathize with what the person is going through. Then pray together over the phone. Sometimes as Christians in a situation like this we think we can’t do much, only pray. Well, that is actually a lot. Besides the fact that God answers prayer, people are helped greatly by praying with us, even over the telephone. In some situations, we may also be able to provide some other kind of help, like picking up groceries and delivering them to their house, but in many cases, just praying with people will minister in a way that we can’t imagine. Ministry is always a work of faith—we do what we believe God has called us to do and trust him with the results.

One common mistake is to assume that everyone is reacting to the pandemic in the same way. Usually we think they are responding in the way we are responding. But a first step is to connect as personally as possible with the healthcare worker, and to start the conversation finding out how they are doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Then you will have an idea of how to meet their actual needs rather than what you would want someone to do for you. The principle in Proverbs 18:2 is a good reminder here: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

For example, one doctor I know whose practice has been effectively shut down as non-essential is organizing physicians in his church to give advice to others in the church on basic questions that people are asking. This enables the doctor to use his/her skills in a practical way and also enables others to benefit and have their minds put at ease by having someone they know and trust give them basic counsel at this time.

Another doctor started a testing center and is energetically testing hundreds of people each day. He is one that may need to be slowed down before he burns out! He certainly doesn’t need much encouragement; rather he is encouraging others by word and deed.

Healthcare workers are used to working long hours to serve others, but they are not used to having their work procedures change almost daily. Nor are their families accustomed to being fearful that when mom or dad comes home they may be carrying a disease that none of us want! We need to be aware of these pressures that are common to those serving in our hospitals at this time.

Practical Ways to Minister

Since many in the church do not understand the normal pressures of those in healthcare professions, this could be a learning time. With this in mind, here are some practical ways to serve our healthcare workers:

  • Pray for those in healthcare now and after the crisis is over.
  • Notice those who are most vulnerable and identify those who will be most affected by the isolation, such as those who live alone.
  • Reach out with a phone call, if possible. This is much more personal than an email or a text. Healthcare workers are bombarded with emails right now and thus are likely ignoring all but the urgent ones from work. Begin by asking how they are doing and what is going on. Be a learner.
  • Pray with folks on the phone.
  • Be mindful that some in our medical community need support from a pastoral perspective at this time. Provide that if you can or offer to connect them to a church leader or another mature Christian.
  • Connect healthcare workers to the online resources written specifically for them at the website of CMDA (www.cmda.org)

All of us should use this opportunity to meet people where they’re at and point them to Jesus. Let’s be faithful, remembering that Jesus is at work in our hearts and that He is not quarantined. The Great Commission is still in force. God is giving us this opportunity to witness to Him through deeds of love and mercy and by telling people the good news in creative ways.

This article originally appeared here.

Know Well the Condition of Your Flock

Father’s Day program ideas for church

God’s Word spoke to its original audiences, and it continues to speak today as the Holy Spirit leads and guides us into truth (John 16:13). It was relevant then and it is relevant now. A verse that has rich meaning today for the church and its leaders during COVID-19 is Proverbs 27:23 which says, “Know well the condition of your flock, and pay attention to your herds…” Let’s take a look at the two parts of verse 23.

Know well the condition of your flock – in the original language (Hebrew), this reads, “Know well the face of your flock.” The face of a person is often used to denote the entirety of their being. To know the face of your flock meant that you, as a shepherd, would know well the current state of your sheep. You would know if they were well-fed, rested, and ready for the day’s journey. Shepherds were to know each sheep’s condition, temperament, and quirks. The phrase speaks to the intimate knowledge a shepherd would have regarding his sheep. Because a shepherd would “know well the condition of his flock,” he could care for them.

And pay attention to your herds – in the original language this could be rendered, “put your heart to them” – that is the literal translation of “pay attention” or as other translations say it, “look well to your herds.” It is a reminder that shepherds must place their heart and focus on their sheep. They must place the needs of their sheep above their own needs, and devote themselves to their well-being.

When you take these two commands together, you see that a shepherd’s role is to know his sheep, meet their needs, protect and feed them, and care for them. A good shepherd is committed to pursuing the best for his sheep, keeping them healthy and safe at all times.

During COVID-19, Bible study groups have moved online. Teachers, no longer able to teach in a classroom, have learned quickly how to use tools such as Facebook Live and Zoom to meet with their groups. Unable to meet physically for some time, group leaders who are excelling at the shepherding portion of their job have reached out to group members, reconnected with absentees, and are rediscovering that teaching is just a portion of their overall ministry as group leaders. Many are rediscovering the role of group shepherd.

Teaching a group is one thing. Knowing well the people you teach is completely different. The old saying is true: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

COVID-19 is allowing group leaders time to catch up in the shepherding portion of their work. My prayer for you is that while we are practicing physical distancing, you are able to connect with every member of your Bible study group.

This article originally appeared here.

Churches Are Essential: 3,000 CA Churches to Open by Pentecost

Father’s Day program ideas for church

In California, churches on both sides of the “when to reopen” debate are basing their arguments on service. A large network of churches in California that aims to resume in-person worship by Pentecost says its goal is to serve and love the needy, while pastors planning to open church gradually or keep doors closed say they’re serving by protecting people’s health.

Gavin Newsom, California’s Democratic governor, recently moved the state to a “phase two” status, allowing some retailers to open under tight restrictions. He hasn’t yet indicated a timeframe for phase three, which includes reopening restaurants and churches. Last week, a federal judge ruled that Newsom has the authority to prohibit church gatherings during the pandemic to safeguard Californians’ health.

We’re Essential, Says Church United

Church United, a network of 3,000 evangelical churches in California, has announced its congregations won’t wait for the governor’s permission. Instead, the group that includes about 2.5 million churchgoers says communal worship will begin by May 31, Pentecost Sunday. Network leaders say they’re not trying to defy authority or spark a legal battle; instead, they maintain that churches must engage in their essential services.

“Our churches are part of the answer, not part of the problem,” says Danny Carroll, pastor of Water of Life Community Church in Fontana, California. “We’re an essential part of this whole journey, and we’ve been bypassed…kicked to the curb and deemed nonessential.” Carroll adds that churches are family, not “a gathering of strangers” such as fans at sporting events.

During a press conference last week, Carroll said lockdowns are making church leaders of all faiths feel marginalized. And many of the people who seek help from churches, including those suffering from grief and various addictions, also are being marginalized. “Churches are ready to roll out, no matter what,” Carroll says, adding, “We’re not here to be activists, we’re not here to be rebels, we’re here to be helpers.”

“How can the church not be essential?” asks California pastor Jim Domen. “It’s the heart of Jesus to love and care for all people. The heart of God supersedes government.”

Matt Brown, pastor of the multi-site Sandals Church, says his congregants have been making masks, feeding people, and setting up technology for older people—all while maintaining social distance. The governor “has no problem with all of that,” Brown says, “but when we want to gather to worship, he has a problem.”

Gov. Newsom, who has met with faith leaders and acknowledges their contributions during the pandemic, says, “I’m very sensitive to those who want to get back to church, but the health of those communities is foundational.” The fear is that congregations gather “in a closed space at a large scale,” he says, adding that his team is consulting with faith leaders about unique safety conditions in their facilities.

Attorneys for Church United have started a petition to the governor, declaring that churches are essential.

Let’s Proceed Gradually, Say Others

Meanwhile, other church leaders are asking California’s leaders to support “measured and responsible steps” for resuming in-person worship. In a recent statement, the Rev. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference, and Dr. John Jackson, president of California’s William Jessup University, propose a plan that moves from churches being filled at 50 percent capacity during the second half of May to 75 percent in June and then 100 percent by July. The plan includes following sanitizing protocols, wearing masks, and adhering to other local guidelines.

Tebow: How Has Ravi Impacted Your Life?

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Editor’s Note: After the publishing of this article, an independent investigation found allegations implicating Ravi Zacharias of sexual abuse to be credible. Prior to this report, ChurchLeaders had published multiple articles about Ravi Zacharias and his ministry. Although our editorial team believes his work still has value since it involved articulating the truths of God’s Word, we would be remiss not to disclose the painful truth of Mr. Zacharias’ personal actions that have come to light following his death. For further reading, please see:
Sexting, Spiritual Abuse, Rape: Devastating Full Report on Ravi Zacharias Released
The Story Behind the Ravi Zacharias Allegations (Part 1): Lawsuits, NDAs, and Email Threads
The Story Behind the Ravi Zacharias Allegations (Part 2): ‘Cursory’ Investigations and More Accusations


Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has requested prayer for speaker and apologist, Ravi Zacharias, who likely does not have much longer to live. Calling Zacharias one of his “heroes in the faith,” Tebow also asked his followers to comment and share how the apologist has impacted their lives.

“I’m just so grateful for Ravi and his life, and our friendship and everything that he has helped and mentored me in,” said Tebow, “and I just want to share so many of these stories, how he’s touched your life, how he’s touched my life, to be able to encourage him before he goes home to his forever home with his heavenly father.”

Tim Tebow’s Tribute to Ravi Zacharias

An emotional Tebow told his followers, “I think it’s really important in life to have heroes, and especially in the faith, and one of my heroes of the faith is a man named Ravi Zacharias…and he’s not doing very well.”

Earlier this year, Ravi Zacharias underwent emergency back surgery and experienced severe pain during his recovery. He learned shortly afterward the pain was due to a rare form of cancer called sarcoma, located in his sacrum. At the end of last week, Zacharias’s daughter, Sarah Davis, shared an update saying there is nothing more the doctors can do. While the cancer in her father’s sacrum has responded to the chemo, the cancer that has metastasized in another area has worsened. Said Davis, “His oncologist informed us that this cancer is very rare in its aggression and that no options for further treatment remain. Medically speaking, they have done all they are able.”

People from all over the world have expressed their condolences and prayers for Zacharias and his family. Tebow’s post has received thousands of comments, as many have shared how the apologist helped them grow in their faith and ministered to them while they were walking through dark times in their lives.

“I call him uncle Ravi though we are not related,” said one woman in response to Tebow’s post, “because he has a tremendous influence in my life. From a non believer to a believer. He has spoken truth and his ministry has blessed me tremendously.” She added, “I am glad we have met once in Malaysia and that was a divine God moment for me.” 

“Because of Ravi,” said another woman, “I went from a meek believer who was afraid of confrontation and questions about faith to blossoming into a God-fearing woman who seeks the correction and wisdom of the Lord and those in the body.”

One man shared how Zacharias helped equip him for ministry as a young pastor.

Ravi Zacharias was known for tackling some of the toughest worldview questions that are posed about Christianity, such as “Why doesn’t God stop evil from happening?” Numerous people described how the apologist has helped them walk through their doubts and skepticism. One man said, “I learned about Ravi at a pivotal time where I contemplated walking from my Christian faith…Needless to say he bridged the mind and the heart like no other and answered the deepest questions I had on origin meaning morality and destiny.” 

Another said that Zacharias “is one of the reason [sic] that I found myself going to church again after falling away from God.” Yet another commented, “Ravi, you made it so easy for an ex-skeptic like me to believe and keep my faith in the Risen King. thank you and our family is praying hard for you.”

Others shared stories of times in their lives when they were full of despair, but Zacharias’s words brought them hope. Said one Twitter user, “Ravi pulled me out of an encompassing darkness in 2017. I’m not sure I would still be here if not for his words.”

Another man said his experience as a biology student in college “pushed me to the edge of my belief.” But when he discovered Zacharias’s talks, “His intellect and gentle spirit ministered to me when nothing else would…There were many nights where I was left with tears of hope, hope that I would find a way out of the desert of doubt.” Said one woman, “I listened to Ravi throughout my daughter’s nicu journey (122 days) I was very depressed and his talks brought me hope in a dark time.” 

While a crucial part of Zacharias’s ministry has been answering people’s intellectual questions, the way he has done so has been just as, if not more, impactful. People are unanimous in saying that the apologist has been thoughtful, kind, and gracious in how he communicates his beliefs. “Regardless of people’s background or worldview, he saw them as people whom God loves,” one man commented. “He has been the premiere apologist for years because he truly cares for people,” said another.

One woman told a story about a recent chance meeting with Zacharias: 

I was at the grocery store this year and when I walked outside it was pouring down rain. My umbrella was blowing in the wind and I was having a hard time with my grocery bags. A car was about to pull into a parking space and a gentleman rolled down his window (with the rain going into his car) and he said “Please Miss, go ahead of me to your car.” I could not believe it but when I looked up it was Ravi Zacharias. He was so kind and such a gentleman. He is the real deal.

Various leaders have expressed their support for Zacharias, including Franklin Graham, Robert Morris, and former South Carolina governor Nikki Haley. Judah Smith, lead pastor of Churchome, responded to Tebow saying, “Thank you for this! I have never met Ravi but his words have affected me so deeply.” Louie Giglio wrote, “Devastated. Heartbroken. Grateful.”

Zacharias shared this post today on his Instagram account.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

“Lord, it belongs not to my care Whether I die or live; To love and serve Thee is my share, And this Thy grace must give. If life be long, I will be glad, That I may long obey; If short, yet why should I be sad To welcome endless day? Christ leads me through no darker rooms Than He went through before; He that unto God’s kingdom comes Must enter by this door. Come, Lord, when grace hath made me meet Thy blessed face to see; For if Thy work on earth be sweet What will Thy glory be! Then I shall end my sad complaints And weary sinful days, And join with the triumphant saints That sing my Savior’s praise. My knowledge of that life is small, The eye of faith is dim; But ’tis enough that Christ knows all, And I shall be with Him.” —Richard Baxter (1615-1691), “Lord, It Belongs Not to My Care”

A post shared by Ravi Zacharias (@ravizacharias) on

In her update, Sarah Davis said, 

While we are full of so many emotions, we are also at peace, resting in the truth that God knows all and sees all and is sovereign and good. I think of the great joy my dad will have, and I am comforted. Thank you for taking this journey with us, and as always, for your faithful prayers

Darrin Patrick Died of Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wound

Seacoast Church
Screengrab Youtube @Southeastern Seminary

Last week, Seacoast Church in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina announced their teaching pastor, Darrin Patrick, died unexpectedly. Patrick, who was scheduled to give a message as a visiting pastor at Robby Gallaty’s Long Hollow Baptist church in Tennessee this coming weekend, is believed to have died by suicide. Those who knew Patrick remember him as a man who came back after a moral failure.

“Darrin was target shooting with a friend at the time of his death. An official cause of death has not been released but it appears to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound. No foul play is suspected,” a statement from Seacoast Church reads. The statement went on to say that “God allowed Seacoast to be a part of Darrin’s story in a time when he needed a family.”

Patrick left behind his wife, Amie, and their four children. On May 9, Amie posted to Patrick’s Facebook account thanking everyone for the outpouring of support the grieving family has received. “We are heartbroken beyond belief, terribly confused, and missing Darrin in ways that feel unbearable,” Amie wrote. 

Patrick’s Most Recent Messages

Patrick recently recorded a podcast with his friend and fellow pastor at Seacoast Church, Greg Surratt. The topic of the discussion was on experiencing loneliness and “aloneness” in ministry, feelings Patrick admitted he felt “a lot.” Patrick explained the position of a pastor puts someone in a “lonely and confusing place” as they often share quite personal stories about themselves and their families while preaching, yet don’t have the time or ability to actually be friends with everyone in their churches. Patrick and Surratt went on to discuss how difficult it can be for pastors to find true and supportive friends

Last weekend, a sermon Patrick recorded was shown on Seacoast Church’s online service. Patrick preached on loneliness and how believers wrestle with God. Preaching from Genesis and focusing on the story of Jacob, who fled to the desert and wrestled with God, Patrick said, “It’s in the lonely places that God shows up.” 

Patrick then applied the message of Jacob’s story to our current collective situation under stay-at-home orders by saying “Sometimes, friends, the only way to meet God is in quarantine. The only way to meet God is in isolation. The only place God is to be found is in loneliness. The only place where we can really worship is in brokenness.” Patrick admitted “I hate that so bad!” emphasizing the word hate. However, “when we look at the narrative arc of Scripture, that’s exactly what we see.” At the end of his sermon, Patrick shared the gospel with those listening and invited them to enter into a relationship with Christ.

On a Give Send Go page set up to support the Patrick family after the sudden death of their patriarch, one person’s comment seemed to summarize all the others offered there: “Thank you for helping me make my relationship with God even closer. Your loving heart and kindness will be missed terribly. Rest in peace.” 

Patrick Knew What It’s Like to Struggle

Patrick was fired from The Journey in St. Louis, Missouri, in 2016. The Patricks started the church in 2002 and developed it into a 3,000-member congregation. As ChurchLeaders reported in 2016, in a letter explaining Patrick’s firing to their members, The Journey wrote Patrick was asked to step down, not because of adultery, but because he “did violate the high standard for elders in marriage through inappropriate meetings, conversations and phone calls with two women (I Tim. 3.2).” More succinctly, they cited “historical patterns of sin” and “other deep sin patterns in Darrin that do not reflect the biblical qualifications for an elder.”

After leaving The Journey, Patrick pursued a path of restoration, which his friends in ministry, including his mentor, Surratt, believe he navigated with integrity. The restoration process was 26 months long and included over 200 hours of professional counseling. Patrick spoke to Ed Stetzer after completing the process in 2019. He described the most important element of the restoration process as being speaking to those he had wounded as a pastor and asking for their forgiveness.

In that interview, Patrick said being overly occupied with building his own personal platform was a major factor in his downfall: “By being emotionally unavailable, being on the road speaking at conferences and being in my study writing books, I neglected our leaders in view of building my platform. I left them with the burden of a growing, multi-site church instead of bearing that burden appropriately with them.” In this interview and others, Patrick expressed the regret he continued to feel over his sin. 

Billy Graham: What Most Christians Don’t Understand About Satan

the truth about satan
Screengrab Youtube @Billy Graham Evangelistic Association

What is the truth about Satan? Billy Graham answered a question on his website about a common misconception people have about Satan. The question reads, “I’ve heard the Bible says somewhere that Satan is actually an angel (or something like that). I thought angels are supposed to be good, but isn’t Satan supposed to be evil?”

The Truth About Satan

In his answer, Graham points to Satan’s uncanny ability to deceive. He’s so good at “masquerad[ing] as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14), as the Scripture describes, that he has deceived us into thinking there’s no reason to fear him. So good, that in fact some people have been deceived into thinking he doesn’t exist. If we don’t even recognize his existence, this gives Satan a huge open door to manipulate us and ultimately derail us from answering our callings in Christ.

Graham explains that Satan “is not as powerful as God—but he still is a powerful spiritual force who works against God in every way he possibly can.” This is precisely why the Bible instructs us to use the armor of God (Ephesians chapter 6).

In conclusion of his answer, Graham reminds us that despite his power and ability to deceive, Satan is a “defeated foe.” Even though he is still actively working against God and the people who are committed to serving God, Satan has been defeated by Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection.

Graham’s words remind us that as believers and heirs in Christ, we can claim victory over the things of this world (1 John 5:4). That means we can claim victory over the things Satan uses in his attempts to destroy us—temptations, death and even adverse situations.

Billy Graham certainly has experience answering questions like this one. As a minister with incredible reach, both in the U.S. and abroad, his words are grounded in Scripture and the understanding that comes from decades of ministry experience.

Related articles:

Billy Graham: “Yes, Angels Are Real”

Billy Graham: “America Just as Wicked as Sodom and Gomorrah, but Prayer Can Turn the Tide of History”

Billy Graham: “No Matter Who’s Elected, America Needs Moral and Spiritual Revival”

Sermon: When The Bread Was Broken

Father’s Day program ideas for church

When The Bread Was Broken

Luke 24:13-35 NIV/84

3 Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. 14They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. 15 As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; 16 but they were kept from recognizing him.

17 He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”

They stood still, their faces downcast. 18 One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do not know the things that have happened there in these days?”

19 “What things?” he asked.

“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. 20 The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; 21 but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. 22 In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning 23 but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. 24 Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see.”

25 He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 26 Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” 27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

28 As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus acted as if he were going farther. 29 But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.

30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”

33 They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together 34 and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.” 35 Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.

Have You Ever Eaten With Any Body Who Was Famous?

Have you ever eaten with anybody famous?  Well, I thought I was going to once, when I got an invitation to breakfast with Jimmy Carter when he was running for president.  But, I think I told you that when I arrived at the hotel early that Sunday morning, there was no breakfast, only a cup of coffee, because all the danish had already disappeared.

But, I came close one day in Nashville.  I was in a local bakery called Bread and Company in Green Hills near where we lived. It was lunch time and I was about to order a sandwich, when in walked Reese Witherspoon with her new baby.  She was not glamorous at all.  She looked just like anybody else with a new baby — sweat pants, a T-shirt, and running shoes.  However, she did not invite me to join her for lunch, so I got my sandwich and left.  Well, today we have a story about a couple of guys who almost got to eat with someone famous, too.

The Wonderful Story of the Emmaus Road 

Today we have a wonderful story about an appearance of Jesus after his resurrection.  You know this story, the road to Emmaus story.  It is the evening of resurrection Sunday.    Two followers of Jesus, not members of the disciple band which has now shrunk to eleven with the death of Judas, are walking back home.  They are headed to the little village of Emmaus, which Luke tells us was about 7 miles from Jerusalem.

How long would it take three men accustomed to walking everywhere to walk 7 miles?  Well the average human can walk about 3 miles an hour, so maybe 2 or 3 hours because it sounds like they are walking slowly, and sadly.

Now let’s assume that Jesus joins them about 30-minutes outside of Jerusalem.  That would make sense because there is still quite a large crowd of people who have come for Passover, and are staying until Pentecost, because both of these are important feast days in Jewish life.

The Jewish historian, Josephus, recorded that in the first century there were 256,500 sacrifices made in the Temple for that Passover.  He calculated that no more than 10 people would sacrifice together, so he arrived at a figure of approximately 10-times the number of sacrifices, or 2.7-million people present in Jerusalem.  I personally think that is a little high, just based on the size of Jerusalem, but other scholars have estimated that over 1-million people crowded into the city of Jerusalem for Passover.  This is a city that normally housed about 120,000-to-200,000.  So, even if the population swelled to 5-times its normal size, that’s a big crowd in a relatively small city.

My point is that Jesus could join these two disciples outside the city without being noticed, especially if it is getting late, and everyone is scurrying home after a busy workday.  Because, remember, we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection by worshipping on what the first century Christians came to call “the Lord’s Day” but they did not.

So, Cleopas and another unnamed disciple are heading for home.  Undoubtedly they have been with the disciples because they are amazed that their walking companion hasn’t heard the news about Jesus.  Even though crucifixions were not rare in the area around Jerusalem — Rome had crucified 2,000 residents of Jerusalem during the uprising when Herod the Great died — the crucifixion of Jesus had gotten everyone’s attention.

So they ask their companion, “Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem?” meaning, “Where have you been, man?  How could you have missed what has happened during the past three days?”

And so they tell about Jesus.  First, they back off a little bit when they describe him — “He was a prophet”  but then they add, “powerful in the things he both said and did.”

But “they crucified him.”  And, revealing their profound sorrow and disappointment, they add, “We had hoped that he would be the one to redeem Israel.”  Meaning, of course, to overthrow the Roman rule, restore the sovereignty of the nation, and establish again a king on the throne of David.

“But,” they said, “its been three days.” In addition, they added that the women had a crazy story of Jesus being gone, and angels appearing to them who said Jesus was alive.  But, of course, the disciples investigated and they found the tomb empty just like the women said, but not angels and no Jesus.

Then, Jesus, still unknown to them, begins to teach them.  Of course, Jesus Bible was what we call the Old Testament, the Law and the Prophets.  And so Jesus walks them through the prophecies that tell about the Messiah.

But the most amazing question he asks them is this — “Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?”

Of course, we understand from this side of the empty tomb that that is exactly what happened, but they didn’t.  One of the reasons they didn’t was because popular Jewish thought of that day did not allow for the Messiah to suffer.  Isaiah talks about a “suffering servant” but many thought that was the one who would come before the Messiah.  Little did they know that the Messiah himself would suffer, and die, and rise from the grave.

And after all of that, they still don’t get it.  But the hour is getting late, and it was the custom of that day to ask a stranger who had nothing to eat to join you for food, and then to offer him shelter.

So, Cleopas and the other disciple ask Jesus to eat with them.  Preparations are made, the food is placed on the table, and then Luke says –

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.

How many times had Jesus done that before?  How many times had they eaten together, either out in the hills of Galilee or at a friend’s home, or with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, or in a room like the upper room where they share their last meal together.

Jesus begins his ministry with eating and drinking actually.  At the wedding in Cana of Galilee, he turns water into wine.  All the guests are amazed because usually the host serves the best first, but the guests at that wedding thought the host had saved the best for last.

He feeds 5,000 on one occasion, and 4,000 on another.  Even on the hilllside the ritual is the same – Jesus thanks God, breaks the bread, and the disciples distribute it.  And not only is there enough, there are 12 basketfuls left over — one basket for each of the 12 disciples who did not believe there was anyway possible to feed 5,000 people.

But Jesus is also accused, because it’s true, of eating with tax collectors and sinners.  Apparently, those are two separate categories, because to call a tax collector a sinner in the first century was an insult to sinners!

He’s also accused of eating and drinking too much, because his detractors call him a glutton and a drunkard.  But, for people like Zacchaeus, the diminutive tax collector who plays host to Jesus for a dinner, Jesus is a life-changing guest.

And, then the last time he is with his disciples, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it and breaks it, and says, “this is my body, take and eat.”

It is at the blessing and breaking of the bread that these two disciples recognize Jesus.  Not at Bible study while they’re walking on the road with him.  But at the table where they have shared fellowship together.

It was when the bread was broken that they realized who Jesus really was.

It was when the bread was broken that all the Bible study made sense.

It was when the bread was broken and he handed them the pieces he had blessed that they knew that the Bread of Life stood before them.

The Story of Broken Bread

So, what do we make of this story today?  Well, it’s a great story.  It’s one of my favorite stories told about the 11-or-so appearances of Jesus.  I like it because you can see it.  You can see the sorrow and grief in the faces of these two disciples.  You can see the long dusty road, taking them back to their home, a home that possibly Jesus had visited before.  You can see the three companions talking, gesturing, shuffling their sandal-clad feet through the dust on the well-worn pathway.

You can also see the wonder and delight.  The joy when they realize who their companion has been.  The energy that seizes them immediately upon their recognition of Jesus.  They turn and run quickly back the 7-miles they have just slowly plodded along. They run back and tell the Eleven, the original disciple band, that “when he broke the bread” they knew it was Jesus.

So, what else does this story say to us today?  Other than being a really good story with great characters and drama?

I think the thing it says to me is that Jesus is known best and recognized most quickly when he is offering us his hospitality.  Even though it was not his house, Jesus assumes the role of host.  Even though these men do not recognize him, he assumes that it is his responsibility to be hospitable.  They have invited him, now he returns their offer of hospitality with his own.

And so he does what he has done a thousand times.  He gives thanks to God his Father, he blesses the bread; and, then he breaks the solid loaf, to give to each person present.

Jesus demonstrates gratitude and bounty.  He is thankful, and there is enough.  He acts to acknowledge the gift and the Giver, and then gives to those who need food.

It is in our hospitality that others can see Jesus.  Even if they can’t see him in our Bible studies, or in our worship services, it is when we share table fellowship, and take the risk of hospitality that Jesus is most clearly seen.

Hospitality is not about eating with friends and family.  Hospitality is about welcoming the stranger, risking rejection, risking our reputations, risking all that we are to show those who have nothing who Jesus is.

So, Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors.  Of course, we know that we are all sinners.  But in first century Judaism, there was a distinction made between the righteous and the unrighteous.  The righteous were those who kept the Law, like our friends the Pharisees.  Of course, they were righteous by their own understanding of what that meant, but nevertheless, they were considered righteous, which was the opposite of being a sinner.

We have another good picture of that when Jesus tells the story of the two men who go up to the Temple to pray.  One is  Pharisee, the other a publican or tax collector.  The Pharisee prays, “Lord, I thank you that you have not made me like that man.”  The publican prays, “Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.”

That’s the difference.  So, Jesus eats with people whose hands aren’t clean, and whose lives are even worse.  He eats with them because no one else who represents God will.  The chief priests won’t.  The Pharisees won’t.  The Sadduccees won’t.  No one will eat with them because no one who was righteous wanted to eat with an unclean sinner.

So, when Mother Teresa started her home for the dying in Calcutta, she went to people no one else wanted.  Not sick people who could get better, and whose photographs could fill the pages of a glossy brochure proclaiming the success of her mission.  No, she not only opened a home for the dying, she went into the streets and helped them come to a place where they could die attended by kindness and caring nuns and volunteers.

When Albert Schweitzer saw two men beating a sick horse all the way to the stockyard where the horse was going to be slaughtered, he kept the picture of that poor animal in his head until he decided that he would study medicine and go to Africa as a doctor.

To live a life of hospitality is to welcome others into your life, at great cost to yourself.  Hospitality isn’t just tea and cookies.  Hospitality is sharing our lives with those who need us most.  And those are usually the people we want the least to do with.

Hospitality is kindness, compassion, concern, caring, provision, openness, and love.  Hospitality is an act of unselfishness at great expense by a Samaritan toward a Jew who was beaten on the road.

Hospitality is welcoming children as we did this morning, into our circle of faith, realizing that the investment we make in them as parents and as a community will not pay off now or in 10 years, or in 20 years.  But recognizing that what was passed on to us, we need to pass on to them.

When we practice hospitality, that is when the world sees Jesus in our lives and actions.  Its one thing to feed the poor, its another to eat with them.

When I worked a the Greater Nashville Arts Foundation in the early 1990s, one of the projects the Art Foundation sponsored was lunch for the homeless.  But, this wasn’t a sandwich handout from the back of a van.  The Foundation conference room was opened to business people and the homeless who shared a meal together, and then discussed the current book they were all reading.  No mention was made of the “plight of the homeless.”  In that room men and women who had lost their dignity because they lived on the streets, reclaimed some of it for one hour, as they shared their thoughts on great literature with other men and women gathered around that table.

When he broke the bread, they recognized him.  Wouldn’t it be great if the same could be said for us as we practice hospitality in a world that seeks to divide us into categories, rather than unite us in Christ.

What Going Back to Church Will Look Like for Some Churches

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Since we’re all thinking about emerging from this COVID-19 shutdown, how we restart church services is foremost on most pastor’s minds. As a result, I’ve been in conversations with pastors and leaders over the past few weeks, discussing strategies for making that happen well. Keep in mind that it’s ultimately not a just legal issue, it will be a behavior issue as well. How soon will people be comfortable being in a room with hundreds of others? That’s a big question for going back to church.

Tony Miller, senior pastor at The Gate Church in Oklahoma City made a good point last week when he said, “People are comfortable in Wal Mart or Home Depot because in those stores they are moving around. If they get too close to someone, they can always walk away. But in church, where the atmosphere is more confined, the more difficult it will be.”  

What Going Back to Church Will Look Like for Some Churches

Readers of this blog will be leading churches of all sizes, in states with different regulations and time tables, and congregations with different personalities. But let me share a little about what I’m hearing in the hope that it may give you some ideas that will work in your particular situation.

1.  Many churches are starting outside. An outside service offers a lot of advantages, like multiple exits, easy spacing, the weather is nice, and it’s a more open feeling. People won’t feel hemmed in, and may be more comfortable trying this out before coming into the building. As a result, I’m hearing from a number of churches that are planning their Mother’s Day services outside. It would also be interesting to provide a drive-in area as well along with the sitting area for people who would be more comfortable staying in their cars.

Which brings up the idea that in states where the full shutdown is continuing and you can’t assemble outside, this might be the time to experiment with a drive-in service. It’s a strategy that reflects weather, people’s personalities, and the local vibe, which means it often works in some places (like Southern California) and may not in others. 

2.  Clean the building on overdrive. Virtually every pastor is ready to activate the volunteers to be cleaning, wiping down surfaces, and offering sanitary wipes and masks to members of the congregation. Even during the service, pastors are planning to have teams wiping door handles, spraying disinfectant, and handing out masks. Right now, I would err on the side of cleaning too much rather than not enough. And this would also be an excellent time to install “no touch” water faucets in the restrooms.

3.  Get your overflow rooms in shape.  Depending on the local regulations, it could be a limited number of people in a single room or building, not on the campus. Which means that if you can only have 50 people in the sanctuary, then you might be able to have another 50 in an overflow room, and another 50 in a fellowship hall or other facility.  If that’s the case, then start now making sure you have working audio and video connections to as many overflow rooms and facilities as possible. Double check your local regulations to be sure.

4. Also check the rules for capacity. In some states, it may be a capacity issue, not a numbers issue. This note came in from church media and growth consultant Kirk Cameron: “Texas Gov. Abbott has opened all public spaces up to 25% capacity with 6’ social distancing guidance. However, most of the Texas churches I’ve spoken to are going to wait for the 50% capacity rule which will likely happen in 4-6 weeks and hold for 3-18 months. However, this means that small groups can meet at full capacity on campus in rooms made for 4 times their size. This is significant. And churches that were running at only 50% of their sanctuary before the virus are much closer to normalizing. One large church in my area normally has two thirds of the sanctuary full. So they can add one extra service time and normalize.”

5.   Keep focused on the online service.  Most pastors and communication teams have done a brilliant job of connecting with congregations through live streaming and this isn’t the time to let up. If we can only have limited people in the building, you’ll still be ministering to many more online. So keep that a priority, since you’ll continue have a great impact there throughout the transition back to church and beyond. And for the record, even after this is over, I hope you’ve learned that your online viewers are a legitimate congregation, so please keep being intentional about ministering to them as well as the congregation you can see from the pulpit.  For more ideas on improving your live stream check out this post.

6.  Re-train your greeters. This is a good time to adjust the traditional “meet and greet” time before and after services. Make sure your volunteers give church members plenty of space coming and going, and this might be a time to trade the offering plate for a dropbox in the back or online giving. More than anything, be sure your volunteer team is sensitive to whatever members of the congregation are feeling about coming back.

7.  Don’t forget the young people.  In our efforts to get adult worship back up and running, we should also explore positive options for young people. I’m hoping that church leaders give youth groups priority consideration during the re-start.  Some reports indicate that youth are suffering much more than we may realize.

8. Lastly, this is not the time to embarrass or shame anyone. In our enthusiasm trying to encourage people to come back, let’s remember that some will still feel unsafe for quite some time. This isn’t the time to unintentionally make them feel badly about staying at home longer than others. Being sensitive, means being sensitive to everyone, and if we don’t, we’ll only drive them away.

This is an important time for everyone who is leading churches. Just remember that the ultimate guideline is knowing your congregation and how they’re responding. Outside of God’s leading, having an accurate understanding of how your congregation thinks and feels will be the best barometer of all.  Use that, and you’ll be fine.

POST UPDATE:  Within an hour after posting this, I received a note from a friend who’s a highly respected African-American pastor of about 900 church members in the South. Here’s his comment:  “When this crisis started we only had 80 YouTube subscribers now we have 23,000. Our March 1 sermon has been viewed by almost 1.5 million people. In the last seven weeks we have had about 95,000 views on our seven services. We are actually reaching for more people than we have done in years. I wish I felt bad saying this but I don’t – I’m really not in a hurry to get back…”

Another reason why this isn’t the time to put the brakes on your live stream, and not be in a desperate hurry to get back in the building. Take the time you need based on your congregation.

This article about What Going Back to Church Will Look Like for Some Churches originally appeared here.

How to Manage Conflict and Stay Married in Ministry

Father’s Day program ideas for church

Every relationship—even a good one—has conflict. If you don’t know how to deal with it, how to resolve it, how to manage it, you can kill your relationship. Here are tips on how to manage conflict and stay married in ministry.

The Bible says conflict is caused by selfishness. James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Aren’t they caused by the selfish desires that fight to control you?” (GNT). I am basically a selfish person. I think of me before I think of anybody else. And you do, too. I want what I want and you want what you want, and when these competing desires collide, that’s called conflict.

The night before I got married, my father-in-law sat down with us and said, “There are five areas where marriages usually have conflict: money, sex, in-laws, children and communication.”

My father-in-law was a prophet. In our marriage we’ve gone five for five! We’ve hit every single one of them.

Some of you are in major pain right now. You are frustrated. You feel stuck in your relationship because you have argued about certain issues over and over with no resolution, much less reconciliation. You don’t know what to do.

How to Manage Conflict and Stay Married in Ministry

If you’re going to pull together when conflict pulls you apart, you need to follow these five instructions.

1. Call on God for help

Pray about it. Before you go to the other person and talk to them about the problem, discuss it with God.

I challenge you to practice what I call venting vertically. Many people are skilled at venting horizontally, but venting vertically is when you go to God.

Conflict often occurs when we expect other people to meet needs that only God himself can meet in our lives.

One day you stood in front of a bunch of people and you said, “I do.” What you were really saying was, “I expect.”

You weren’t thinking about what you intended to do and the promises you were going to keep. You were thinking, “Good! All my needs are going to be met now! This person is the answer to my dreams and is going to fulfill me in every way.” There is no person alive who could possibly meet all your needs. Only God can do that.

Anger is a warning light that says, “I’m expecting somebody to meet my needs.” When I have a need for you to be on time and you’re late, or when I have a need for you to notice me and you don’t, I get angry. God says, “Why don’t you try talking to me about it first?” Instead of expecting your mate to meet all your needs, God wants you to look to him.

2. Confess your part of the conflict

Before you start attacking and blaming, you need to do a frank evaluation and ask yourself, “How much of this conflict is my fault?”

When you’re wrong, admit it. And when you’re right, shut up!

Jesus said this…

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)

Everybody has blind spots. Jesus says, “Before you start getting the sawdust speck out of your partner’s eye, why don’t you get the telephone pole out of yours?” Using exaggeration, he is saying to check yourself out first.

Marriage is a lifelong process of overcoming your differences. Each of us has an infinite capacity for self-deception. But the fact is, it’s not incompatibility. It’s selfishness and an unwillingness to change.

3. Convene a peace conference

Conflict does not resolve itself. It must be dealt with intentionally…deliberately. Conflict gets worse when you leave it alone. Hearts grow hardened and positions get solidified, and bridges get broken beyond repair. So you have to intentionally deal with the conflict.

The Bible is very specific about this. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus says, “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God” (The Message).

It is impossible to worship with bitterness in your heart and unresolved conflict with others.

Postponed conflict only gets worse.

4. Consider your mate’s perspective

The secret of resolving conflict is understanding where the other person is coming from. The better you understand somebody, the less conflict you’re going to have, because you know how to deal with him or her.

How do you learn to understand someone? Listen. Listen more than you talk. Some of us get so anxious to make our point, to tell our side, to defend ourselves; we don’t even stop to listen to what the other person is saying or their point of view. It’s like the old cliché: “We must seek to understand before seeking to be understood.”

The Bible says in Philippians 2:4, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (NLT).

When you’re angry, you’re preoccupied with yourself. But when you’re like Christ, you look to each other’s interest and not merely your own.

5. Concentrate on reconciliation, not resolution

There’s a very important difference. Reconciliation means to re-establish the relationship. Resolution means to resolve every issue by coming to agreement on everything.

You’ll discover there are some things you’re never going to agree on. I don’t care if you both love the Lord and are both dramatically in love with each other—there are some things you’re never going to agree on simply because God has wired us differently.

You’re not going to agree with everything your mate believes or thinks. But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That’s called wisdom. It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship.

Sometimes you need to seek professional help, and that’s OK. In fact, talking to a counselor is a healthy and positive choice to make. And you always need to talk to God and to each other.

Many marriage conflicts would be solved overnight if both the husband and wife would kneel before Jesus Christ and say, “We humble ourselves and humbly ask you to make this thing work. We submit our egos to you and our hurts to you. Jesus Christ, do what only you can do.”

This article about How to Manage Conflict and Stay Married in Ministry originally appeared here.

855,266FansLike

New Articles

VBS recruitment

VBS Recruitment Sources for Successful Summertime Outreach

VBS recruitment is top of mind for kidmin leaders every summer. Use these tips to find top-notch vacation Bible school helpers.

New Podcasts

Joby Martin

Joby Martin: What Happens When Pastors Finally Understand Grace

Joby Martin joins “The Stetzer ChurchLeaders Podcast” to discuss what happens when a church leader has truly been run over by the “grace train" and understands the profound love and grace of God.