Mom, I Wanna Become an Instagram Celebrity

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March 28, 2019

After a TV interview discussing my new book to teens about “wise posting in an insecure world,” the 30-something mom who was removing my makeup told me, “Everything you said about teens being absorbed into this digital world is so true. My own 8-year-old begs me every day for a phone, and my 10-year-old nephew texts me all the time showing me screenshots of how many people ‘liked’ his newest Instagram post.” But it was her next sentence that hit me.

“He tells me his goal in life is to be an Instagram Celebrity.”

Ten years old.

What ever happened to, “I wanna be a fireman?”

Maybe it’s because the average age kids get a phone is 10 years old, or because…hold onto your seats for this one…“100 percent of kids age 5-12 are using social media in some form.” Yes, 0 percent of kids were kicked out of completing a recent Insight Strategy Group survey because literally all of them interacted with a digital outlet in some way.

This claim doesn’t make me flinch. Teachers and youth workers interacting with kids daily see this, like this teacher who asked his 85 kids to finish the sentence, “What my parents don’t know about social media is…” (sobering answers) only five said they didn’t have social media accounts. Even if they aren’t on Snapchat or Insta…they typically at least visit social media. Yes, even that one homeschool kid who doesn’t personally own a device has a friend or parent who owns a device…and visits YouTube to watch other kids playing Roblox, or watch Instaceleb Summer Mckeen’s “Summer makeup routine.” Yes, YouTube is social media. In fact…it’s the most popular social media site hands down. With Snapchat and Insta at its heels.

The world is changing its relationship with screens. Even American’s sacred TV watching is about to be overtaken by time online. That’s a first.

My dad grew up watching Roy Rodgers. Me, The A-Team. My girls, Hannah Montana. Today it’s not even a TV show. It’s a YouTube series, an Insta drama gone viral, or their favorite celeb’s story.

This might help moms understand why their daughters don’t want just any lipstick. They have to use the same lip liner that Kendall Jenner uses. After all, they watch her story every morning.

But you don’t have to be a Kardashian to be an Instaceleb. You just have to have followers.

Like this young lady, Summer Mckeen, and her boyfriend, Dylan, both 19, Instacelebs with a combined following of over 1.7 million people. These two will star in Snapchat’s first docuseries (think MTV’s Laguna Beach), Endless Summer. The show will be just three to five minutes and will offer the ability to interact with the stars outside of the episode.

Summer is an interesting influencer to watch. A young Mormon, she actually talks about her faith, her decision to wait for sex until marriage, and having a positive body image. She even gets vulnerable, showing herself in no makeup at times. This is good, right? I mean…we’ve seen worse options on YouTube.

But what if you’re not as pretty as Summer?

What if your own posts don’t garner millions of followers?

What if even hundreds don’t hit the little heart icon when you post a picture of your cat Frank wearing a miniature Fedora?

What if you don’t have as many followers as your friends?

Here lies the danger. Our kid’s phone has literally become a little mobile self-esteem barometer displaying a specific number of how popular you are at any given moment. If you want to know how many “friends” you have…it’s now a number. It’s always less than someone else’s number. And it’s right in your pocket.

That’s why we’ve seen an unprecedented spike in teen anxiety, depression and suicide. And every expert in the field is connecting this to smartphone use and social media. Dr. Jean Twenge, author of iGen, found a link between time spent online and mental health. In fact, she discovered “teens who spent five or more hours a day online were 71 percent more likely than those who spent only one hour a day to have at least one suicide risk factor (depression, thinking about suicide, making a suicide plan or attempting suicide). Overall, suicide risk factors rose significantly after two or more hours a day of time online.”

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying phones and social media are evil. I’m just encouraging moms and dads to help their kids enjoy life apart from social media. If your kids are young, delay social media—advice countless experts agree with. Your 8, 10 and even 12-year-olds don’t need that pressure right now.

Or consider taking the advice of your pediatrician. The American Academy of Pediatrics makes very specific recommendations to parents in reports like “Media and Young Minds,” where they offer helpful tips like:

For children 2 to 5 years of age, limit screen use to one hour per day of high-quality programming, co-view with your children, help children understand what they are seeing, and help them apply what they learn to the world around them.
Monitor children’s media content and what apps are used or downloaded. Test apps before the child uses them, play together, and ask the child what he or she thinks about the app.
Keep bedrooms, mealtimes and parent–child playtimes screen free for children and parents. Parents can set a “do not disturb” option on their phones during these times.
No screens one hour before bedtime, and remove devices from bedrooms before bed.

Kids might not be as resistant to “screen free” as you might think. Some surveys even reveal a majority of Gen Z, like 64 percent, want to take a break from social media at times, and 34 percent want to quit it permanently. You can help your kids press pause.

And as your kids grow to teens, practice the one habit every expert agrees with: Talk with your kids frequently about being wise with their devices. Don’t be afraid to use resources that help you engage your kids in those conversations, talking with them about the friends they’re friending, the pics they’re posting, and the affirmation they’re seeking.

There’s much more to life than “likes.”

How much time are your kids soaking in Instacelebs every day?

Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Bullying Breakthrough; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller – The Guy’s Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for parents on his website TheSource4Parents.com. Jonathan, his wife, Lori, and their three kids live in California.

This article originally appeared here.

When the Church Gets Messy, What Happens to the Pastor’s Marriage?

By

Tatyana Claytor

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March 28, 2019

When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I packed up our belongings, quit our jobs and moved across the country to go to seminary. We felt the call of God on our lives and wanted to serve Him in ministry, whether here or overseas. Our hearts were eager with the prospect of seeing God at work.

After a year, we were lucky to find an assignment for my husband, Tracy, as a youth pastor. Things started easily enough. The youth were friendly and teachable and we instantly bonded. However, things did not stay like this. Issues that existed in the church before we came pulled my husband into a church dispute that soon became overwhelming.

Within a few short months, we knew it was time to resign, trusting God to work out the financial details. My husband preached on our last day, with a boldness that both frightened and amazed me. He was loving, but he was honest. There was a huge reaction to his message, some even begging him to stay, but he stated over and over he had no desire to bring division to the church. Though Tracy felt released by God and blame did not rest on his shoulders, he felt guilty about the turmoil.

After we left, my husband became despondent, and I felt helpless in easing his pain. I, however, did not feel the same level of burden. We had done all we could do to restore and reconcile the congregation, and it was in God’s hands. Unlike Tracy, who was a pastor’s kid, I had not grown up in the church nor did I feel especially called to serving the church the way he did.

When we were engaged, Tracy told me about an intense dream he had one night. In his dream, he heard a man crying. He looked for the man to see if he could help. When he touched the weeping man, he turned and faced Tracy. He knew immediately that this was Jesus.

“I’ve lost my wife! Please bring my wife back to me!”

My husband woke up knowing this dream was different. It felt like a calling, similar to the one Peter received on the beach that morning so long ago. Tracy knew his job was to bring Christ’s bride back to Him. The experience at the first church made him feel like a failure, and I did not know how to help.

Though we have now been in ministry over 16 years, that first experience left a hurt that we’ve never been able to shake. Much of what my husband struggles with is strange to me—carrying a burden for every supposed failure. He doesn’t want to talk to me about the messy and imperfect aspects of our church family—afraid he will transfer the same weight onto me that is on him.

For us, ministry has become about protection. My husband has tried hard to shield me from the underbelly of church issues. I have not been at any of the meetings over the years—meetings where there was screaming, where members demanded my husband resign, and meetings where they maligned his character. He sat in every one of these silent, allowing God to vindicate him. But I was not there.

Instead of protected, I often feel shut out of the biggest part of his life. In response, I find myself wanting to protect him from the church—from the constant requests, from the grieving deathbeds, from the bickering and complaining. We do a dance, a game of tug of war, each trying to pull each other out of the way of the harmful influences of church at its worst.

Ministry life is foremost about reconciliation. It’s about bringing together those who are far away from God. Paul says in 2 Corinthians, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation” (18-19 ESV). Christ has done the hard work of creating the bridge by which we come back together. We must do the work of crossing it.

This ministry starts with my own daily reconciliation with God. I must lay down my will at his altar every day, knowing my greatest battle to be in control of my life is always within me. It is this daily reminder of my propensity to selfishness and sin that keeps me humble. I am no better or stronger than anyone else. You cannot be involved in the ministry of reconciliation from a position of superiority. It is impossible.

Yet Another Church Forced to Close in China

By

Jessica Lea

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March 28, 2019

The Chinese government is continuing its persecution of Christians by shutting down another unregistered church in Beijing. On March 23, authorities shut down Shouwang Church and its affiliates, seizing the church’s belongings.

“China’s oppression against house churches will not be loosened. A systematic, in-the-name-of-law crackdown will continue to take place,” China Aid president Bob Fu told International Christian Concern (ICC).

According to China Aid, the shutdown occurred when people were meeting for Bible classes on Saturday at 1 p.m. Officials took them to a school in the area where they recorded the Christians’ information and questioned them. Authorities announced that the church was shut down, claiming the reason was the church had not registered as a “social organization” with the government. The church had applied for government approval in 2006, but did not receive it because its pastor at the time, Jin Tianming, was not ordained by the state.

Since Shouwang Church was founded in 1993, the government has harassed the church in various ways. Officials seized a multi-million dollar property, compelling the members to meet outside, even when the weather is bad. The government has also put church members, including Pastor Jin, under house arrest. While Pastor Jin has since retired, he remains under house arrest and his confinement has recently grown more limited. Now, he is not even allowed to go downstairs in his own apartment building, but must stay within the apartment itself.

The persecution has taken a toll on the people who attend Shouwang church, with some leaving the country or deciding to comply with the government.

A Year of Hostility

This recent crackdown is simply the latest in a series of antagonistic moves from the Chinese government against the Christian church, an aggression which has grown more severe since the state revised its Religious Affairs Regulations in February 2018. At that time, China Aid reported that Christians in China were experiencing antagonism from government officials, who were breaking into churches, confiscating or destroying church possessions, detaining members and pastors, and otherwise threatening people. In April 2018, the Bible stopped being available online in China. In May, authorities in Shandong province raided five underground house churches and confiscated over 1,000 Bibles, as well as prayer and song books. The raids were supposedly part of a government crackdown on pornography.

One of the other churches that authorities have shut down (last August) was a large, unregistered church in Beijing called Zion Church. The shutdown followed the church’s refusal to comply with the government’s demand that it install cameras inside the sanctuary. The government also destroyed the building of a Catholic church, even though the church was properly registered with the state. Despite the increasing persecution, in September 2018, more than 300 pastors signed a statement of faith, protesting the government’s infringement on their rights.

Early Rain Arrests

The persecution has only continued. In December, officials arrested 100 members of the house church Early Rain, and attempted to get them to sign a pledge saying they would stop meeting. More recently, on February 24, 2019, authorities arrested 44 members of Early Rain Church, detaining some of them, including children, overnight. This is only a small part of the hostility Early Rain has endured from the government, yet the members remain unwavering in their devotion to Christ.

When hearing of the Shouwang Church’s shutdown, Early Rain expressed its support, saying, “When we heard that Shouwang Church is being persecuted again, […] and other churches facing various pressure from the government, we kneeled down to pray to give thanks and praises to our God, because we are delighted that the bride of Christ is closely following her husband.”

‘Deplorable’ Behavior

Finally, concerns in 2018 that the government was planning to “Sinicize” the Bible were confirmed a few weeks ago. Chinese officials announced a new translation of the Bible that will make it more “Chinese” and supposedly have less of a Western influence.

ICC Regional Manager Gina Goh says, “China’s disregard of religious freedom for its 1.4 billion citizens is deplorable. Christians outside of the state-sanctioned churches can no longer worship without fearing of harassment, detention or even imprisonment. Even official churches face increasing pressure to exalt the Communist Party over God. The international community should continue to press China over its human rights abuses until it is willing to make positive change.”

Joni Eareckson Tada Hospitalized After Cancer Treatments

By

Megan Briggs

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March 28, 2019

Joni Eareckson Tada is currently battling her second round with cancer. Yesterday, Tada’s organization, Joni and Friends, announced their founder has been hospitalized due to complications resulting from treatment for breast cancer.

“Having accomplished the series of radiation treatments for recurrence of cancer, Joni Eareckson Tada has been challenged in the weeks following with significant pain issues including most recently, difficulty with breathing,” a statement from Joni and Friends reads.

Tada announced she was battling cancer again for the second time in November of last year. Her first cancer diagnosis occurred in 2010, and Tada underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy. It took five years of treatment before Tada was ruled cancer-free.

Tada shared on her blog in February that the skin on her chest is wounded and causing her pain. Her doctor said she would need to hold off on radiation treatments until her skin had a chance to recuperate. “That area has been damaged so many times over the years from pressure sores and surgeries, little wonder it’s hard to mend,” Tada wrote.

Now, Tada’s hospitalization brings to light a new concern. “With…the corollary inability to get the sleep needed for recovery, she has been hospitalized for observation and medical oversight,” the statement reads.

Joni Eareckson Tada Remains Positive

Just as she did when she announced her diagnosis in November, Tada is asking for prayer and keeping her mindset positive. On her blog, she regularly expresses gratitude for the care her husband, Ken, provides. She also thanks readers and supporters for their prayers and notes of encouragement.

Referencing James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective,” Tada and her staff are confident that good things will come from the prayers of fellow believers.

Tada’s ministry seeks to help people with disabilities know Christ and live a fulfilling life. She has said in the past that her work with those with disabilities keeps her motivated and hopeful. “I am inspired by the many valiant people with disabilities and their families whom we serve every day at Joni and Friends; they are people who constantly persevere through personal crises. They do not doubt God’s glorious purposes for their lives, why should I?”

Jack Graham: How Prayer Got Me Through Cancer

By

Jack Graham

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March 28, 2019

It is often in the very toughest of times and trials that God brings us to a crisis of faith, and it’s through that experience that we begin to pray. The writer C.S. Lewis put it best: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

How Prayer Got Jack Graham Through Cancer

I experienced such a time in 2009 when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Me—a relatively young guy in excellent health with energy to spare. I never imagined that the word cancer would be attached to my life. And yet it was.

While I made it through surgery without incident, recovery nearly did me in. I was exhausted. I was fearful. I was weak and despondent. I wondered if I would ever get better.

For many months, I prayed to God for healing and for hope. Meanwhile, week after week, I crawled into the pulpit to deliver my weekly sermon, sustained by the prayerful persistence that connected my heart to God’s.

Strangely, during this time of pain and weakness, more than any other point in my life, I became utterly convinced of the power of prayer. Though I was wobbly and wounded, the more I pursued interaction with my heavenly Father, the more divine strength I sensed in my life. The more I knocked on the doors of heaven, the more I found God ready and willing to carry the burden I bore.

Whatever broken conditions you are facing today—in your marriage, your home, your family, through a child who’s wandered away, or the collapse of a career—it is so often pain that drives us to dependence upon God.

How many times through our pain do we discover our purpose? How many times through our suffering do we discover power? It’s this upside-down dynamic—of going from utter weakness to strength—that the apostle Paul talked about when he wrote, “But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I’ve always loved the definition of prayer as “linking our nothingness to God’s almightiness.” When we’re wrestling our way through tragedy or wringing our hands over a cupboard that’s bare, God says, “It is I who can supply what you need. Just come to Me and ask.”

No matter what you are going through today I want to remind you that God is with you. He cares for you. He hears your prayers. And He will see you through it. All you have to do is draw near.

This article originally appeared here.

Time Out, Be Still

By

Heidi M Hensley

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March 27, 2019

“I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds…Satan is quite aware of the power of silence.” – Jim Elliot

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

Today a friend of mine gave a devotion on this very topic. The level of truth this rings is almost more than I can tell. He gave analogies of sports, calling a “timeout” to regroup and refocus. The example we all can resonate with is the timeout chair as a child. What do parents typically say? “Now sit here and think about what you have done.” Much like my friend who was speaking, I hardly ever did that. My mind was (still is) active, and “timeout” might as well have been called “imagination station.”

As Christians we are called to “be still” at times. I find it fascinating that there are several moments in scripture where Jesus is among crowds and shortly after you find him taking a time out. Time to be with the Father. In Mark 1:34 Jesus was healing diseases. In Mark 1:35, “very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Timeout!

In Luke 5:16 it says that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places where He prayed.

There are times we need to eliminate the noises of the world so that we can hear the voice of God and what it is He wants us to spend our time on. Our spirits actually crave solitude and silence, but our culture conditions us to be comfortable with crowds and noise. In her book, Living the Christ-Centered Life Between Walden and the Whirlwind, author Jean Fleming says, “We live in a noisy, busy world. Silence and solitude are not 20th-century words. They fit the era of Victorian lace, high-button shoes and kerosene lamps better than our age of television, video arcades and joggers wired with earphones. We have become a people with an aversion to quiet and uneasiness with being alone.”

So, leader in our noisy kid ministry world, myself included! As we focus on the things to do this summer, prepare for fall, and many of us already living in Christmas…challenge yourself to make time to get away for solitude. To regroup, refocus and re-energize.

This article originally appeared here.

The Carol Danvers Statement: A Marvel of Biblical Womanhood

By

Eric Schumacher

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March 27, 2019

My 10-year-old daughter recently returned from her first overseas church trip. She spent the week in a new culture, trying new foods, and serving the children of friends. Before she left, I gave her a bracelet that reads “Be Brave.” We talked the week before about brave women in the Bible, such as Miriam, Deborah and Priscilla. We read their stories and learned about how God put them in positions to serve others, gifting them with the courage, strength and wisdom for the task at hand.

Since she returned last week, our family schedule has prevented me from getting to spend extended time with her and hear about her trip. I decided a daddy-daughter outing was in order.

So, on Monday afternoon, we set out to see Captain Marvel, the latest installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), notable for being Marvel Studios’ first superhero film with a female lead.

Naturally, I wondered what message the film would send my daughter about what it means to be a woman. Would Captain Marvel be Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, only with a cape and superpowers? Would Carol Danvers be a snarling feminist, out to erase and flatten all distinctions between men and women? Or would my daughter see a woman who stewards her gifts, strength and opportunities to help others, to do good and to inspire those around her?

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I am no expert in the MCU or superhero movies by any stretch of the imagination. I entered this film almost entirely ignorant of the Captain Marvel character and her backstory. So, what did I find?

SPOILER ALERT

WARNING: The following portions of this article may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

The Carol Danvers Story

Captain Marvel tells the story of Carol Danvers, whom we meet as Vers, a member of the Starforce. As the narrative unfolds, we discover that though born a normal human according to the flesh, she experienced a dramatic conversion (she is called “born again”)—a transformation that blessed her with superpowers.

As Danvers begins to understand her conversion, she comes to grips with her new nature and her new identity. Understanding who and what she now is, she experiences increasing freedom from the powers that once ruled her, among which she once lived, carrying out their desires.

As the film progresses, Danvers learns to put the needs of others ahead of her own. She discovers and befriends a refugee people, exiled from their homeland facing the threat of genocide and extinction at the hands of evildoers. Our hero understands that she alone is uniquely positioned to save this people. Recognizing that she is here for such a time as this, she walks into the face of death, willing to lay down her life for the good of others.

Her strength inspires and encourages others to faithfulness and courage. Through her partnership, Fury is encouraged to take initiative leadership, protection and provision for the earth, preparing a team to subdue and exercise dominion over whatever supervillains may threaten the earth.

Carol Danvers is not depicted as the ultimate savior of the world. Instead, she inspires Fury to find others like her. Noting her call sign, “Avenger,” the Avenger Project is born, making Danvers the symbolic mother of the Avengers. The seed of the woman will crush the head of the enemy.

The Carol Danvers Statement

What can we say about this film, especially as it pertains to biblical manhood and womanhood?

First, this is not (successful) feminist propaganda. If the authors intended it as feminist propaganda, they failed. I didn’t get that message at all.

The Most Difficult Thing God Is Asking You to Do – Forgive

By

Gary Thomas

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March 27, 2019

Miranda had been spending money on a secret credit card for months. She hid receipts, she removed price tags, she sometimes even lied about where something came from. “My mom gave that to me!” Eventually she couldn’t hide the bills any longer, and her husband realized they were going to have to sell their house to get out from under their unsecured debt.

Franklin shared a very personal secret about his wife with his best friend, “just between the two of them.” His best friend told his own wife, so you could imagine the shock Franklin’s wife felt when the other wife told her she was praying for her. For that.

Since the Bible tells us we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2—just pause for a second and think about the implications of the words “all” and “many”), every married person can write their own stories about the despicable things they have had to forgive. In his book What’s So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey recounts his wife telling him, “I think it’s pretty amazing that I forgave you for some of the dastardly things you’ve done!”

If you want to build and maintain a lifelong, intimate marriage, one of the most difficult and yet most essential spiritual skills is forgiveness. It may feel like the hardest thing God ever asks you to do. It seems unfair and sometimes even unbearable. But if we call ourselves followers of Christ, we must come to grips with the fact that Jesus never allows forgiveness to be “negotiable” among his disciples:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25).

Forgiveness is the spiritual air we breathe in from God, and the spiritual air we breathe out toward others. If breath is stopped in either direction, we suffocate spiritually. Our marriages will wither and so will our souls.

Forgiving your spouse isn’t an option. It’s not something we can consider: “Do I want to forgive him? Should I forgive her?” When we decided to become Christians, we decided to be and to keep being, forgivers.

Such forgiveness begins with understanding how God has forgiven us. Andrew Murray writes, “The redeemed saint can never forget that he is a forgiven sinner. Nothing works more mightily to inflame his love, to awaken his joy, or to strengthen his courage than the experience, continually renewed by the Holy Spirit as a living reality, of God’s forgiving love. Every day, yes, every thought of God reminds him: I owe all to pardoning grace.”

Think often of what God has forgiven you and how he continues to offer you forgiveness for today. The stream of God’s forgiveness should flow through us; we mustn’t be dams that stop its run. Murray again: “As forgiveness of your sins was one of the first things Jesus did for you, forgiveness of others is one of the first that you can do for Him.”

It’s frustrating to work with a couple where one person is obsessed with their spouse’s sin while being so very blind to their own. Because they think their sin is less odious, they resent the implication that it’s even worth mentioning in comparison. Our stink is always less to us than the stink of others. It’s a monumental challenge whenever any spouse comes in for pastoral counseling and there is no conviction in their life and no perception of their own need for God’s grace. Blind self-righteousness imperils a marriage. If any spouse forgets they also stand in need of daily grace, they become vicious accusers and manufacturers of contempt. It usually sends a marriage into free fall.

I’ve seen couples survive affairs, porn, food addictions, substance abuse, financial misdeeds and other challenges. But since all of us are sinners, no marriage can maintain its intimacy without regular and frequent forgiveness. Thinking you can be married—or be a Christian—without forgiving, is like pretending you can run the hurdles without jumping. You can’t do it. It’s part of the journey. At some point you have to realize that the problem isn’t just that your spouse sinned; it’s that you can’t forgive. The unwillingness to forgive may be what’s holding your marriage back.

On the positive side, there are few things more moving to me than those testimonies of spouses who have shown supernatural forgiveness in such magnitude that God becomes the hero of their story. I’ve been moved to tears hearing accounts of wives who forgave their husbands so generously, and husbands who forgave their wives and dropped it, without all those wicked passive-aggressive reminders of previous misdeeds. Such accounts lead me to worship because such forgiveness may be the most un-human and most divine-like thing we are ever asked to do. Andrew Murray writes, “If the world sees men and women living and forgiving as Jesus did, it will be compelled to confess that God is with them.”

Are you committed to forgive your spouse, and to keep forgiving your spouse? Forgiveness does not preclude consequences, including separation or even, in certain cases, divorce. Forgiveness doesn’t mean a woman allows herself to be physically abused. Allowing someone to face the consequences of their sin isn’t, on its own, a failure of forgiveness. You can forgive and separate in a situation that’s not safe.

Rachael Denhollander Shares the Backstory of Her Abuse

By

Jessica Lea

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March 27, 2019

In a recent speech at New York University, lawyer and former gymnast Rachael Denhollander revealed that her childhood experiences in church set the stage for her later victimization by Larry Nassar. Before Denhollander was abused by him at age 15, she was sexually abused by someone in her church at age seven, and she says the adults at church only “compounded” the damage.

“When my parents took steps to protect me, the response of the adults that had surrounded me, that formed my concept of God, that formed my concept of church family, was to respond very vitriolically,” says Denhollander.

She did not tell anyone then that she had been abused and says that the perception of some of the adults at the church was that, “Because I had not verbalized the abuse, I hadn’t proved it. And because I hadn’t proved it, these adults were not motivated to protect me. But they were motivated to isolate me and my family.” It was only because her parents took precautions at the advice of some people who had noticed the predator’s grooming that the abuse stopped before it became severe. Still, any abuse has serious consequences for the victim.

Denhollander says she was confused by the hostility she received from adults she had trusted and respected. At age 12, she started processing what had happened and finally told her parents that she had been abused when she was younger. Then she discovered why the church had ostracized her when she was seven. When she realized what the reason was, the message she internalized was, “If you can’t prove it, don’t speak up.” Otherwise, “You will lose everything.”

A Toxic Message

That message in turn “groomed” Denhollander for what she was to suffer from Larry Nassar, whom she went to see after experiencing a back injury. Nassar was a doctor for Michigan State University and the USA national gymnastics team who serially molested children for years and also pled guilty to charges relating to child pornography. At that time she sought treatment, all that Denhollander knew about Nassar was that he was a respected physician who had an almost “godlike” status in the world of gymnastics. When Denhollander met him, he’d already been abusing girls for almost a decade and was a “hardened and skilled sexual predator.” Four people had reported his abuse by then, but those responsible covered up the allegations. Denhollander says that when “things didn’t seem right,” she remembered what she’d learned from the church about the importance of staying quiet, so she didn’t say anything for a year. She thought that for sure the adults around her would have said something if he was really doing anything wrong.

“What I had to wrestle with,” Denhollander says, “when I finally came to grips with the abuse that occurred was that I hadn’t just been betrayed by somebody that I trusted. I had been betrayed by everybody that surrounded him.” She eventually told her parents, but neither she nor they were sure what to do or how they were going to get anyone to believe them. Denhollander feared the impact of accusing Nassar because she knew the story would get national attention. It was not until 16 years later when she read an Indianapolis Star exposé on USA gymnastics coaches that she realized she needed to speak out.

She filed a police report, started the criminal investigation process, the Title IX process, and contacted the Star, offering reporters any information they wanted for a story. They agreed to interview her. She emailed her friends and family about what she was doing so they wouldn’t have to read it in the paper first. Denhollander says she felt like she gave up all her privacy and dignity: “The fallout from my interview…was every bit as nasty as I expected it to be. But the result was incredible.” Over 400 women eventually came forward saying they were also victims of Nassar. He is now in prison for the rest of his life. Some of the victims of child porn were found, and there is increasing accountability and awareness in society about sexual assault.

God Provides Hope

Denhollander goes on in her speech to explain her struggle with how to understand justice and forgiveness in the face of what happened to her. Despite how the church wounded her as a child and despite the fact that she had to turn to secular media to be heard, Denhollander did not turn her back on Christianity. In fact, she explains that it is Christianity that gives a satisfactory answer to our desire for both love and justice because it tells us that God pours out his wrath on evil because he cares for us. While we often have a negative view of God’s wrath, we need to understand that just as we desire justice for the evils committed by Nassar, God’s love means that He desires that same justice.

Denhollander says, “Only in the Christian faith do we have a God who unfailingly loves enough to always bring justice, but also unfailingly loves enough to take that justice upon Himself to make forgiveness possible… When my innocence was stolen as a young child, twice over, God saw that damage, and He said, ‘This is evil, and it matters to me.’ What happened to me matters, and it is seen, and it is heard, and someone cares, when no one else did.”

Church Helps Free 900 Families From Medical Debt, No Strings Attached

By

Stephanie Martin

-

March 27, 2019

Medical debt is the top reason Americans file for bankruptcy, and now churches are taking action to have it forgiven. In Maryland this week, 900 families received letters saying their medical debt had been completely erased, courtesy of “Churches of Annapolis.”

Revolution Annapolis, a mobile church that meets in an elementary school, donated $15,000 to the nonprofit group RIP Medical Debt. It, in turn, purchased medical debt through the collection system for pennies on the dollar, wiping out almost $1.9 million of debt. The 900 families will face no legal or tax consequences.

Revolution’s original goal was to erase medical debt for Annapolis residents, but the $15,000 donated by congregants during the Christmas season was enough to erase all medical debt in 14 Maryland counties. Debt sizes ranged from $200 to $100,000.

Kenny Camacho, lead pastor of Revolution Annapolis, says the church of 170 members was inspired by a Texas church that paid off more than $10 million of medical debt last Easter, and by TV host John Oliver, who purchased and forgave $15 million of medical debt in 2016.

A Gift of Hope, No Strings Attached

Camacho emphasizes that the church has no ulterior motives, and absolutely no strings are attached to the gift. “Forgiving medical debt is not part of a strategy to get people to attend or give to local churches,” he says. Instead, it’s “a practical and tangible way that we can help people—regardless of whether they are part of a church or not—experience forgiveness that impacts their lives in a meaningful way.”

This outreach, the pastor adds, is part of the church’s belief system of being the good news in the community. “The church should exist so that people can have hope, period,” says Camacho. Forgiving medical debt is a “taste of the larger message that we would like to communicate to people about what it means to have debt forgiven,” he adds. “We want Annapolis and Maryland to look different because we are here.”

In the future, Revolution hopes to team up with other churches and nonprofits to address the “debt ladder,” buying and forgiving medical debt “at its source.”

Forgiving Medical Debt Is a Relevant Ministry

Revolution’s generosity comes amid news that the Trump administration is moving to strike down the entire Affordable Care Act, under which 20 million Americans currently receive health insurance. Experts say people with low incomes and pre-existing conditions are most at risk if that happens, but the country’s entire health-care system could be upended.

In a study published by the American Journal of Public Health earlier this year, two-thirds of bankruptcy filers said medical debt was a contributing factor. Other studies show that one-fifth of Americans are burdened by medical costs, with African Americans impacted the most.

Mike Jackson of Oklahoma City, who battles a chronic health condition, sums up the plight of many Americans: “It’s one of those things where, if something happens to my car or to me healthwise, I’m in trouble. If anything goes wrong, I’m one step away from disaster.”

Ken Costa: God’s Strange Kingdom and the Stranger Cross

By

Jason Daye

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March 27, 2019

Ken Costa is an internationally renowned banker, having worked as Chairman of UBS Investment Bank for EMEA and Chairman of Lazard International. He is the Chairman of Alpha International, Emeritus Professor of Commerce in Gresham College London and Dean of the Leadership College London. Ken is also the author of Strange Kingdom. He and his wife, Dr. Fiona Costa, live in London. They have two sons and two daughters.

Key Questions for Ken Costa

– You talk about the cross as being a way to restore friendship between God and humanity. Explain that to us.

– Why do people struggle so much with the concept of true forgiveness?

Key Quotes from Ken Costa

“At the cross was the moment when all of history actually pivots. Because up to that point, it was a whole sense of mankind searching for God and on the moment of the cross, the historical significance was that was the moment when God himself reached down to us in our humanity, suffering death as we all will suffer, and coming to life again and rising again.”

“The power of the cross is that [Jesus] suffered and died so that we might not have death, which is the ultimate pain of sin, hit us in the same force as it might have done without his intervention.”

“The cross is, in fact, trinitarian…[We tend to think of the cross] as if there were just two parties involved. But in fact, the spirit of God was there because the love of God was being poured out on that cross and in the moment of deepest agony, deepest travail, he acted as the reminder that there was something to come, that there was a future.”

“Just as the spirit of God was with Christ on the cross, so he is with us in the depths of our agonies, reminding us that there is something ahead of us.”

“The strangest coinage of the Kingdom is forgiveness. It is so extraordinary that it is unique to our faith.”

“There was a great exchange that took place on the cross in which the purposelessness of our lives was taken by him and a new purpose given to us.”

“The spirit of God is the delivery mechanism of the Trinity. He delivers to us a way of life and in doing so…makes us more human. It’s in the flourishing of our humanity that we are able to learn how to live joyful lives even in the midst of stress and pain and disappointment.”

“Pastors, you are doing a remarkable work, particularly at this time of Easter. The remarkable work that you’re doing is one where you’re showing confidence in the foolishness of a cross in the sure knowledge from your own life that it is authentic and real and that the power of the cross of Jesus transforms day-to-day living.”

Mentioned in the Show:

Strange Kingdom: Meditations on the Cross to Transform Your Daily Life
GodAtWork.org.uk

Ken Costa on ChurchLeaders:

Ken Costa: Helping People Discover God’s Purpose For Their Life

Other Ways to Listen to this Podcast:

► Listen on Apple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-churchleaders-podcast/id988990685?mt=2

► Listen on Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/churchleaders/the-churchleaders-podcast

► Listen on GooglePlay: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/churchleaders/the-churchleaders-podcast

► Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOo1CepdPQog17rmL7DuT

Preoccupied With Love: One-on-One With CJ Rhodes

By

Ed Stetzer

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March 27, 2019

“Unbelievers needs to see that we care for them, not just their postmortem souls but all of who they are as fallen image-bearers of God.”

Preoccupied With Love: One-on-One With CJ Rhodes

In just three months we will be hosting the Amplify North American Evangelism Conference from June 25-26 at Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL. Amplify has become the largest evangelism conference in North America and one that I am proud to host.

This year’s theme is “Preoccupied With Love” and will feature key leaders today such as James Meeks, Kim Reisman, Alan Hirsch, Colin Smith, Trillia Newbell, Jenny Yang, James Choung, Sam Owusu, York Moore and more. CJ Rhodes, Senior Pastor of Mt. Helm Baptist Church in Jackson, will be talking about ‘One Family: A Gospel that Reconciles.’ Below, I speak with CJ about his thoughts on evangelism today.

Ed: It’s hard to deny that we are living in challenging times culturally. The church’s influence is fading and we are struggling to find answers to some hard questions. What’s your take on the health of the church today, especially as it relates to our witness?

CJ: Eddie Glaude, a Princeton University professor, wrote a Huffington Post article in which he declared that the black church as we know it is dead! This controversial statement elicited much consternation as it was interpreted as a pronouncement of death of the church.

Actually, Glaude’s statement was a reality check on our romantic ideas about the heroic black church that was engaged in evangelism and activism during the Civil Rights Movement. Glaude called us to rethink our revisionist history and our unrealistic expectations, while also encouraging us to be the change we want to see in the church and the world.

I believe this sobering word is one not just for the black church, but for all churches of which Christ is the head. There has been much lamentation about the decline of Christianity in America; fears that we are soon becoming like god-less Europe abound.

Some of these concerns are warranted, but I believe that what we are seeing is the death of Christendom, not the way of Jesus Christ. Cultural Christianity is giving way to an authentic faith worth living and dying for, a faith expressed through good works.

Indeed, there are many local congregations that are dying or ready to die. Like the church at Sardis in Revelation 3, those churches needn’t die if only they hear and obey what the Spirit says. My hope is that we will certainly see the death of racialized, tribalized and commercialized religion and the resurrection of a supernatural faith in which followers of Jesus are empowered by the Holy Spirit to bear credible, life-giving witness to the gospel.

Ed: Evangelism has fallen on especially hard times. It seems that everything else—even good things like discipleship—has overwhelmed our passion for sharing the love of Jesus with others. What does evangelism look like today, and how can we begin to develop a passion for showing and sharing the love of Jesus on a daily basis?

CJ: This might sound Pollyannaish, but I believe that we should search the Scriptures for models for evangelism. What comes to mind about traditional evangelism efforts I grew up with are groups of believers walking neighborhoods, knocking on doors and handing out gospel tracks.

I think that method, though not dead, is certainly on life support. Praise God it’s not the only way of reaching people with the good news. In fact, in our late modern or postmodern age, more relational ways of sharing the love of Jesus in deed and word seems to be more fitting. There’s an old saying that goes, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Unbelievers need to see that we care for them, not just their postmortem souls but all of who they are as fallen image-bearers of God. Relationships matter, and so does our attention to the hell people are catching. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. exhorted that good religion cares about the bodies in which souls move and breathe.

Secondly, apologetics needs to be a part of any contemporary evangelism strategy. It’s no longer enough to share Jesus; we have to be like Paul on Mars Hill and demonstrate to skeptics and seekers why Jesus matters and why he must have preeminence in all things. Still, this should be done winsomely and with heart as well and head.

Ed: You are a plenary speaker at our 2019 Amplify North American Evangelism Conference this summer, and you are talking about “One Family: A gospel that reconciles.” Talk to me about a gospel that reconciles all things, and all of us, and how we can live that out daily.

CJ: 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 tells us that God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself. Reconciliation has been accomplished by the work of Christ—his incarnation, crucifixion, resurrection and ascension. What is more difficult, however, is that the world often doesn’t see that reconciliation because those of us called to be ambassadors and messengers of that reconciliation are often so divided.

This isn’t new: “We see this division in the Corinthian letters and elsewhere. But the sin of division isn’t an excuse for failing to live out the mission to which we are called.

Adopted into one family of faith, we have to press through whatever seeks to divide us in order to be Christ-like. Intentional, whole-life discipleship is necessary to restore us to our place as ambassadors of this reconciliation.

This article originally appeared here.

8 Alternatives to Calling Another Team Meeting at Your Church

By

Rich Birch

-

March 27, 2019

You’ve been there, in that never-ending meeting where all you can think about is the fact that the next thing on your to-do list is yet another meeting!

You’ve thought it before, “There has got to be a better way of doing meetings at the church.”

8 Alternatives to Calling Another Team Meeting at Your Church

A few years ago, I considered how much time our church was investing in meetings and how that regular rhythm was costing our team. Everywhere I looked I saw meetings happening around our organization, including meetings for:

Weekly service reviews
Kids ministry pre-game
Admin team workflow check-ins
Service planning
Small group brainstorming
Lead team discussions
…and the list goes on

While meetings can be an useful tool to push the mission of your church forward, sloppy meetings can be a total waste of time for your team and for the church as a whole. Some common problems that I’ve seen creep into churches with too many unfocused meetings are that:

Rather than focusing on the critical issues, they become a time for people to wander from topic to topic.
The wrong people are in the room for the issues at hand, while the right people are sitting through endless conversations that don’t require their input.
The inspiration of your team can be tapped out as people sit in useless meetings on a regular basis.
Meetings can be never-ending, meaning that the people who can last the longest get their way in the organization.

Every meeting should be a time and place where decisions are made. There needs to be inherent tension as people are presented with options to choose from. The worst type of meeting is informational where no decisions are made, and people are simply brought up to date on what’s happening in the church. Avoid meetings that are purely informational.

Effective church leaders look to root out useless “information sharing only” meetings and find other ways to keep the team aware of what’s happening at the church. As such, you need alternative strategies to keep your people aligned. Here are eight meeting alternatives for your team:

Regular Email Rhythms

Write a regular email that is fun and helpful, and your team will read it. I promise. Pack the email with information that they will actually want to read. Send it regularly enough and it will cut out the need to pull your team together to keep them informed. Make sure each email follows the V.I.P. approach:

Vision // Remind people why you are doing what you do as a church.
Information // Make your emails the primary way your team receives the data they need about the ministry. If it is helpful, they will open it!
Personal // Don’t write your emails like you are addressing a mass of anonymous people; write them as if they are being sent directly to a friend.

Project Management Software

There are many tools that teams can use to track tasks, goals and projects. Project management software provides a great way for teams to stay up to date without needing to gather everyone together. This type of software is not free, but it is an easy-to-use tool and scales well over time as the demands of your team increase.

In many ways, the weekend is one big, continuous project at your church. Many churches have found Planning Center to be vitally important for communication and collaboration for the organization of weekend services.

Other examples of project management software include:

Basecamp // This software with a collaboration focus is available for $99 per month.
Sweet Process // Based on a checklist approach to interaction, this software is $115 per month.

Send a Voice Memo

Another way to connect on an even more personal level is to send a voice memo. You can email the memos to people so they will hear directly from you. Most phones have a standard voice recorder app, which makes it easy for you to record something for your team.

Bonus Idea: You could also use an automated phone service like Phonevite to send the voice memo to large groups of people in your community. (Think of including every team leader in your church!)

5- to 10-Minute “Standing” Meetings

I know some churches have found great success with regular quick team meetings designed to briefly share information with each other. The goal of these meetings is to focus on the highlights of what is happening and to identify “sticking points” that need to be followed up on in certain areas. These meetings are typically held at the same time every week and they are often actual “standing meetings” where participants stand in order to encourage the conversation to move along.

Outlines of quick standing meetings for your team:

1 to 2 minutes // Quick “high fives” for areas where team members are succeeding.
3 to 6 minutes // Each team member answers, “What is the one thing I need to get traction on this week to move the mission forward?”
7 to 10 minutes // Each team member has the chance to answer, “What information do I need to help make progress on a project this week?”

Private Facebook Group

Almost everyone is on Facebook; rather than fighting it, use it! Invite people to a private Facebook group where you can post photos, provide updates about what’s coming up, and have discussions about what’s happening in your church. It’s also a great way to celebrate “wins” and share upcoming events.

Three tips for using a Facebook group to communicate with your team:

Make sure that everyone turns on the “show all” setting for group posts so they will see everything posted in the group.
Assign someone (other than the supervisor/group admin) to curate and encourage conversation.
Develop two to three regular check-in points that people are encouraged to post about, such as:
- Monday Wins // What happened over the weekend that you want to celebrate?
- Wacky Wednesday // What is something funny that people have seen online this week?
- Thursday “Pre-Game” Need to Know // What does everyone need to know before the weekend?

Open Project Documents

Something as simple as a shared Google Doc can also be a great place to track with your team. The spreadsheet feature allows you to set notifications, so if the information is changed in a range of cells, you’ll receive sent an email. This is a great strategy when multiple people are contributing disparate pieces of a project.

Types of open documents your church could use include:

Agendas // Allow people to guide the conversation about any upcoming meetings that your team might still have to attend.
Brainstorming // Ask a question and then have people submit their ideas online to a single document.
Process Review // Considering changing the way something is done at your church? Draw up a flow chart online and have your team comment on it!

Instant Messaging

For quick check-ins with your team, use an instant messaging service like Slack. These platforms allow you to receive quick updates and provide the shortest feedback loop possible. I’ve met a number of teams that swear by instant messaging’s capacity to dramatically reduce their dependence on emails or meetings.

Four tips for encouraging wide adoption of instant messaging with your team:

Training // Don’t just tell people you’re using it; take the time during a team meeting to train people to use the tool and walk them through its features.
On the Phone // Encourage your team to install the app on their phone and make sure the notifications are turned on.
Reward Participation // Notice who is leveraging the tool well and make sure you publicly praise them.
Find Boundaries // Push conversations to the instant messaging platform to show people how it will make their lives easier!

Weekly Performance Check-Ins

I’ve been using a weekly check-in rhythm with my team that asks them three questions:

What are your goals for next week at work?
How did you do with the goals you set for this past week?
What can I do to help you?

These three questions frame a weekly conversation with my team where they are able to give consistent feedback on how they are doing. They also provide a level of accountability for me as a supervisor to stay connected to where my team is at and where it is going. This process has a way of focusing our teams on performance and next steps. We use a tool named 15Five; however, you could also use this strategy by sending regular emails and/or forms to your team.

How are you reducing needless meetings at your church?

We need fewer meetings that waste our people’s time and more communication and collaboration focused on making decisions and moving the church forward. What are some other methods you have found helpful in reducing needless meetings at your church? Share these strategies in the comments below.

More resources to help structure the meetings at your church:

5 Healthy Meeting Habits in High-Performance Church Teams
8 Ways Meetings are Killing the Mission of Your Church (Great discussion starter about the purpose of meetings in your church!)
11 Ideas for Adding Fun to Boring Church Team Meetings

This article originally appeared here.

Kidmin Craft: Lion’s Den “No Stress” Stress Balls

By

Courtney Kirk

-

March 26, 2019

Daniel in the lion’s den is an amazing example for us in Scripture, especially when teaching kids. Daniel was exiled to Babylon when he was young. He was taught all the ways of Babylon and ended up on King Nebuchadnezzar’s good side early on all thanks to Daniel’s faith in the one true God. When King Darius came along, Daniel was still highly favored by the king. Unfortunately, there were some others who were quite jealous and tried to get rid of Daniel by tricking the king into signing an order that would not allow Daniel to pray to the one true God.

How might Daniel have been feeling during this time? Help kids really think about it. All Daniel had to do was hide when he prayed for the next 30 days. That’s not very long. Surely God would understand, right? This was a scary time because the consequences were painful—he’d be fed to a hungry lion’s den. But Daniel did not seem to worry. No stress! He remained faithful and prayed every day to God. You know the rest of the story. Although thrown into a hungry lion’s den, God sent an angel to protect him. Daniel was safe.

To get kids excited about Bible class this particular Sunday, we made stress balls. Well, I made the stress ball and they drew a lions head. I was not sure how “stress-free” class would be for my teachers with a bunch of kiddos trying to get flour into a balloon. The kids loved their lion’s den stress balls and it was a great time to talk to them about not worrying about the consequences. We need to do what is right all the time and let God handle the rest.

This article originally appeared here.

Unseen Small Group Leadership Traits

By

Ron Edmondson

-

March 26, 2019

There are parts of leadership you won’t read on a job description when they are telling you about the place you will work. There are traits of a leader that are unseen—often unknown. These traits have to be tested and you won’t know the traits are there until the test is complete, but these traits are what prove a leader to be a great leader.

I like to call it the “backside of leadership.”

Years ago I had a leader I could never predict. One day everything was wonderful and the next day nothing was right. It was frustrating. I could never read this leader and whether or not he was happy or I was doing what he expected of me.

I had another leader who was consistent. When I did something well she celebrated with me. When I made a mistake she offered counsel, but put her trust in me again.

Which style of leader would you rather follow?

Probably all of us struggle in this area of leadership at times. I’m certain I have, but those who are following us need us to pass the test of the backside of leadership.

Leading well means sometimes what a leader does when the team’s back is turned is more important than what they do in the team’s presence. When they don’t know what the leader is thinking or how he or she will respond—they discover they can still trust the leader.

The backside of good leadership means a leader does what is best for the team and the organization—not for his or her personal gain—regardless of who gets credit.

Even if no one saw it coming—you can trust a great leader. In good times and not so good times, great leaders stand for their team.

That’s the backside of leadership.

Still trying to understand what I mean?

Here are seven characteristics of the backside of great leadership:

Great leaders protect you.

When critics rise against you or your work, a great leader stands behind you. Better yet, they stand in front of you to take the first bullet. They are predictable and consistent with their support.

Great leaders won’t back you in a corner.

Great leaders don’t hold you accountable for unreasonable expectations, especially when you didn’t know what the expectations were. They make sure you have the resources you need. They never put you on the spot. They make sure the team operates with a plan.

Great leaders forgive easily.

You gain good favor quickly after you make a mistake under a great leader. They extend grace, knowing the greatest lessons in life are learned through failure. And the investment made in people after they fall often yields the greatest return for the entire organization.

Great leaders empower you.

The leader doesn’t have to know everything you do and every decision you make before you make it. They are OK with the unknown. They invest trust in you, because they believe in you. They empower you to make decisions without their direct oversight.

Great leaders make their largest investment in people.

The team receives more from the leader than the leader takes from the team. No one feels used or like they’re building an empire for the leader. Rewards are shared and celebrated with the entire team.

Great leaders never stab you in the back.

People don’t feel threatened in their position under a great leader. They know the leader can hold a confidence and will never say one thing to one person and something else to another.

Great leaders are responsive.

Everyone has been in a situation waiting for a leader to make a decision. It can be a frustrating experience. Impatience can rise. Good leaders are responsive. They don’t make people come to their own conclusions. They communicate in a timely manner.

That’s the backside of leadership. Have you thought about how you lead on the backside—when no one knows what to expect?

Here’s a way to evaluate yourself as a leader. Share this post with your team. Allow them to tell you how you’re doing. Even if you need to let them share it with you anonymously.

Side note: This post assumes an obvious—one we talk about often in leadership. Great leaders surround themselves with the right people. They are looking for character over content. They are seeking team members more than employees. They put the right people “on the bus.”

This article originally appeared here.

3 Things the Awesome Husband Does

By

Ryan Sanders

-

March 26, 2019

I was recently headed to Starbucks. Shocker. My wife asked for some fancy Butterbeer Frappuccino or the like. Another shocker. I complained, as per the usual. But, I ordered.

The kind barista then told me, “Sir, we’re out of ‘x-type’ of syrup. Would you like a refund or would you like us to make a different drink?”

From the barista’s view, I had two options: Option #1: Get a refund. Option #2: Order a different drink.

All I had to do was think. I didn’t think. I picked option #1. My wife ain’t the barista in this story, brothers. If you’re viewing from my wife’s side, option #1 was NOT an option.

I got my refund and came home with my coffee in hand. I said nothing and the day went on.

Fast forward hours later when I texted my wife:

Oh, by the way, they didn’t have some fancy syrup for your drink. I just got a refund. But I did order it, I promise. I can show you the refund receipt.

Now, take a deep breath for a moment. Do you think showing the refund receipt helped my case?

No, exactly, the refund receipt meant nothing. I’m an idiot. End of story.

Now, I’ve had time to think about what went down. I went wrong on many levels. But, my biggest problem? I was NOT being an awesome husband. The moment my wife wanted a drink, I didn’t REALLY want to get it.

Despite my being an expert and all at how to be a godly husband and father (read: I’m not an expert), my decisions reveal my heart. I went wrong before I ever left home.

Instead of imitating me and the frappuccino debacle, let’s look at what awesome husbands do. Kent and I recently took an informal poll in which we asked wives (if you’re reading this, we may have asked your wife!) this question:

What one or two things does your husband do that you find really helpful?

The top responses were as follows:

1. My husband prays for me.

2. My husband encourages me.

3. My husband grocery shops for me.

Consider this, what if you were to pray for your wife more, encourage your wife more, and do some grocery shopping? From here on out, my goal is to do what the awesome husband does.

1) The awesome husband prays for his wife.

We didn’t ask follow-up questions. I’m unclear how wives know they’re being prayed for. Hum.

Maybe it’s because the awesome husband is praying with his wife?
Maybe it’s just a feeling from the wife?
Maybe it’s the way the husband treats her?

It’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma folded under the cloak of invisibility. We’ll figure it out one day. Here’s an idea. Imagine this. You wake up. You read your Bible. You pray for your wife. This is how you start your day. Do this and odds are good the other two things on this list will happen.

2) The awesome husband encourages his wife.

I won’t wax eloquent here. Let me give you my intentions and you hold me accountable. I’m going to call, text, send homing pigeon, something, that encourages my wife and tells her I’m thinking about her during the day. I’ll work to make this not seem rehearsed. I’ll be spontaneous.

Don’t worry, my wife never reads my blog posts. I could put my bank number in here. 🙂 No joke, before writing this sentence, I chatted my wife:

I know you’re busy. Know I’m thinking about you. And I love you.

She immediately chatted back:

I love you.

Bam! Brothers, I can’t teach you how to live better than this. This is the end of my wisdom. 🙂

3) The awesome husband grocery shops.

Or vacuums…or cleans the house…walks the cat (insert awful chore here). OK, imagine with me. Your morning and your day have gone swimmingly. Now, all you have to do is go grocery shop. I’m only half kidding.

Here’s my secret recipe. Trust me, my last name is Sanders. I know the secret recipe (Colonel Sanders? Get it? No? Never mind), just text your wife this (copy and paste if you want):

Babe, I’m headed home. Need anything?

If your wife is like mine, she’ll need something. Now, without complaining like me in the aforementioned story, get it and bring it home. Done. You’re ready to come home to a perfectly loving wife. You’re welcome. Send donation checks to Manhood Journey.

Seriously, think about it. A major part of being a godly dad is being a godly husband. If you fail to pray for your wife, fail to encourage her, and well, fail to ever do the grocery shopping, odds are good you’re not on your way to being an awesome husband.

You can do this. We’ll see you on aisle 7.

Side note: My caring, loving, beautiful wife never made a big deal of this incident. To my knowledge, she never looked at the refund receipt.

This article originally appeared here.

Women Suffer More, Says New Report on Christian Persecution

By

Jessica Lea

-

March 26, 2019

Open Doors, an organization that supports persecuted Christians throughout the world, has released a study evaluating the similarities and differences in how Christian men and women are persecuted. The researchers have found that persecution is gender specific and that, overall, women experience a greater degree and complexity of persecution than men do.

“The experiences of religious persecution faced by Christian men globally is characterized as focused, severe and visible. In contrast, religious persecution endured by Christian women globally is characterized by being complex, violent and hidden.” The researchers go on to say, “We observe that these socio-cultural constructs create vulnerabilities that disproportionately affect Christian women in their expression of faith.”

The researchers evaluated reports and conducted interviews in over 60 countries and found that, in general, “Christian men are especially subject to economic harassment via business, work or job access, while Christian women in particular suffer sexually violent attacks.”

What Are Some Similarities?

Both Christian men and women throughout the world suffer from:

Trauma
Economic disempowerment
Divorce
Loss of custody of children
Shaming/shunning (especially in countries that put a high value on honor)
Incarceration

What Are Specific Ways Men Suffer?

The primary “weapon” wielded against men as a result of their Christian faith is economic harassment. Economic harassment can include fines, loss of employment, not being able to find employment, and arrest (which, of course, impacts employment). Because men are typically the ones who provide income for their families, when a man’s ability to find work is threatened, his whole family suffers.

When a man’s community shames or shuns him, he not only has an extremely difficult time finding work but also of networking in the society (where men more commonly have public roles) and of establishing a household. The men’s own families of origin are also likely refuse to provide for their needs. This exclusion from his community can have a significant impact on a man’s identity for the rest of his life.

Another type of persecution specific to men is non-sexual physical violence, the fear and intimidation that comes with it, and death. Sometimes shaming or shunning from a community is something that leads to physical violence. The report observes, “Somalia is particularly representative of global trends regarding the severity with which male converts are treated,” and the researchers also make note of Kenya, a bordering country. When torture is used as a means of persecution, it is almost exclusively used against men, with the exception of the country of North Korea, which also targets women. The frequency of non-sexual violence men suffer is only somewhat greater than that suffered by women, but it does tend to be harsher.

While Christian men and women both experience incarceration, men tend to be imprisoned via the legal processes of their societies and are at a greater risk of violence when imprisoned. The government also leverages military service against men as a way of persecuting them. Men are, in fact, more likely to be persecuted by the government than women are, except for cultures where honor and shame are extremely important, as well as cultures where tight-knit communities have a high level of influence over people’s lives. In those cases, the social and domestic spheres of society affect men more than the government does. When a man is incarcerated, his family suffers from his inability to provide for them, and the church suffers as well.

What Are Specific Ways Women Suffer?

Women are extremely vulnerable to sexual violence, such as rape, as well as to forced marriage. As mentioned earlier, the evidence shows that women are persecuted to a greater degree than men are: “When comparing the overall men’s and women’s lists of pressure points, there is a preponderance of mentions on the women’s side, which is to say one-third more across all countries than on the men’s side.”

Men are more likely than women to experience “severe” non-sexual violence. However, when all categories of violence are considered (sexual, physical, verbal, etc.), women suffer twice as much as men do. There is a connection between sexual violence and honor/shame cultures. If a woman “shames” her family by converting to Christianity, she might be raped (i.e., dishonored) as a form of retaliation. Sometimes rape is used as a direct form of punishment when a woman converts.

Forced marriage is a common weapon used against Christian women throughout the world. Sometimes women are abducted from their Christian families and forced to marry into a family of another religion. Or they are lured into a situation (such as an al-Shabaab camp) by a non-Christian man and kept there by force. Or it could be that the woman’s own non-Christian family gives her in marriage to a family whose religion the family supports. While these are all threats from a woman’s social and domestic spheres (in contrast to the more prominent role the government plays in the lives of men), the government still impacts female suffering—for example, when state laws support underage marriage and polygamy.

When a society shames and shuns a woman for either losing her sexual purity (even if she had no control over that) or converting to Christianity, she becomes financially vulnerable and her ability to survive is at risk. Outcast women are also more vulnerable to sexual assault. Because rape and sexual assault are surrounded by shame (causing people to want to conceal them), it’s extremely difficult to know the extent to which such attacks occur.

While both men and women experience forced divorce and loss of custody of children, women experience those situations more than men do. Again, women are at greater risk after going through a forced divorce because they lack the skills to provide for themselves and would not be allowed to do so even if they had those skills.

Takeaway

The report concludes:

The experience of religious persecution is gender-specific, not gender-blind… The most typical way that men and women experience persecution is directly associated with their socio-culturally-accepted gender identity and roles. In contrast with the diversity of experiences of persecution, the target of persecution is the same—an individual’s Christian family and community.

Killing Sin by the Spirit

By

Steve DeWit

-

March 25, 2019

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” (Romans 8:13 ESV)

The key phrase here is, “put to death the deeds of the body.” The Greek word for put to death is used 11 times in the New Testament, nine for actually killing people.[1] One example is Stephen, the first martyr, who was put to death. Same word. This is not a nice word. This is a bloody word. A word of execution. It simply means, kill it. Legalism says, stop it. Romans says, kill it. This requires a posture toward sin that is much more like an assassin. Ruthless. Cold, hard hatred of sin.

Jesus said the same when he said “if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.” (Matthew 5:30) It is not physical dismemberment, but a spiritual dismemberment that sees sin as leading to death. It is an abuse of grace that makes us OK with sin thinking, I’m going to heaven anyway. That is an incredibly dangerous posture toward sin and calls into question if we truly understand Jesus shedding his blood for that sin.

We should think of sin like cancer patients think of their cancer. The fighter-types hate cancer. What if you talked with someone after a bout of cancer and they said,

I miss my cancer. Oh, I remember when I had lots of cancer. Such freedom I felt. Those were the days. Wow, the cancer parties were incredible! Many of my entertainment choices celebrate cancer. I remember driving for my chemo treatments—those were great days. If only I could have another chemo day. Cancer made me so happy.

When you talk with cancer patients, they’ll tell you the only way to beat cancer is to declare war on your cancer. When you see a bald woman wearing a wig, or a scarf on her head, respect her; she went to war. You must kill those cancer cells. How many of them? All of them. You hate it. You are willing to deal ruthlessly with it. Change your diet. Change your lifestyle. Stop your smoking. Whatever. You will shoot chemicals and radiation in your body to kill cancer. The courage in those cancer wards comes from people who don’t want to die, they want to live!

Romans 8:13 says, hate your sin. Hate it. See it as creating death in you. Don’t coddle it. Don’t ignore it. Go to war with your sin. You can’t defeat cancer by loving cancer and you can’t overcome sin and temptation by loving your sin. There is an old word that describes going to war and killing sin. Mortify it. When you see that word, it means, kill zone. DEFCON 1. Going nuclear. Annihilation. Is this the posture of your heart toward your sin?

© 2019 by Steve DeWitt. You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that: (1) you credit the author, (2) any modifications are clearly marked, (3) you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction, (4) you include Bethel’s website address (www.bethelweb.org) on the copied resource.

This article originally appeared here.

Modern Fathers

By

Dale Hudson

-

March 25, 2019

Fatherhood. What does it look like in today’s culture? Recently, Viacom conducted major research to examine the lives of fathers around the world. Here’s what they found.

Modern dads are forming a new identity for themselves by rejecting traditional parenting roles.

Eighty percent of dads want to be better fathers for their kids than their own dads were to them.

Instead of being seen as detached rule enforcers, modern dads want to be seen as supportive and emotionally involved figures. They are communicating and engaging head on about sensitive topics.

Fathers are also monitoring their own physical and mental well-being. Compared to single men without children, today’s modern dads are 42 percent more likely to have regular check-ups, 18 percent more likely to take supplements, and 9 percent more likely to eat healthy.

Modern fathers are looking for guidance on being a good father. Studies show that 50 percent of fathers in America want to be a better father. But the truth is, the same support and resources for fathers is less than what is available for mothers. Modern fathers are looking for help. Forty-four percent of modern fathers believe that being a good father is the single most important thing in their life.

Modern fathers are looking for ways to have more time with their kids. Forty-five percent of fathers feel frustrated about not being able to spend more time with their kids. The good news is this: Modern fathers spend an average of three more hours a day with their kids on weekdays and two hours more on the weekends than fathers did 10 years ago.

This data presents a great opportunity for churches to influence fathers and help them become a spiritual leader for their children.

Fathers are looking for help. Your ministry has a wide open door to speak into the lives of fathers. Think about ways you can directly influence fathers. Provide a parenting class designed for fathers.

Use Milestone classes to give them practical ways to lead their family spiritually.

Communicate with fathers using modern avenues. Facebook. Email. Instagram. Texting.

Provide events for fathers and their children. Father-son cookouts. Family camp. Father-daughter dances.

Invest in fathers by teaching them how to be great fathers. What is your role as a father based on God’s Word? What parenting style should you use with your kids? How do you raise your kids to follow Jesus? How do you connect with your child on a daily basis? How do you parent through the different stages of your child growing up.

Call fathers up to be the spiritual leader of their home. All too often, mothers have to take this responsibility because the father is not stepping up.

More than ever, we need godly men who will lead their families spiritually. Let’s be faithful to encourage and equip fathers to do just that.

This article originally appeared here.

It Takes a Church to Raise Your Child

By

Tim Challies

-

March 25, 2019

You’ve probably heard it said that it takes a village to raise a child. Parenting is so difficult, so complex, so relentless, that it is more than any two people can successfully handle. Children thrive under the responsibility of loving parents but also under the watchful eye of a caring community. I have always believed in the wisdom of this proverb, but I’ve come to appreciate it even more as my kids grow older. And as I’ve come to appreciate it more, I think I’ve come to appreciate it better.

When I was starting out in parenting, I assumed this proverb, whose roots are in Africa, meant something like this: I will raise my children and expect the community around me—especially the Christian community—to keep an eye on them. If they go wild or get out-of-line or go sneaking off somewhere, I give those people free reign to let me know or to intervene directly. It may even fall to them to give my kids a stern talking to. I saw this kind of thing modeled in the community I grew up in. More than once I saw adults get involved when other people’s kids were getting out of control. Well and good, as far as it goes.

But as time has gone on, I’ve seen a far more active implementation of the proverb. The proverb demands more than allowing others to troubleshoot my children’s poor behavior. It invites others to provide input into the development of their character. It invites others to take an active interest in them, to speak to them, to challenge them, to counsel them, to befriend them, to love them. It invites other believers to ask my children about their faith and their fears, their trials and temptations, their dramas and their doubts. It invites other Christians to exert a significant influence on them, and all for their good and God’s glory.

It takes a village to raise a child. Really, it takes a church to raise a child because it is in the church that our children find a whole community of adults who love them, who have a deep concern for them, and who are eager to see them come to faith and grow in godly character. This “village” is not there just to keep them in line when they get unruly, but to experience the joy of seeing them grow up in God and grow up for God.

(So let me close by expressing thanks to some of those who have been loyal “villagers” to my children: Paul, John, Janis, Chloe, Linda, Janelle, Julian and undoubtedly many others. What a joy it is to know of your involvement in the lives of my children; what a blessing it is to know they can get in touch with you any time to receive counsel and care. What a blessing you’ve been to them and to me.)

This article originally appeared here.

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Takeaway

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